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|'family originated in Mexico' How I can contribute to the diversity of the University
2 - That's good because you can then write about how you maintained your cultural roots but also accepted American Culture....
UndergraduateAlyMarSan - Oct 27, 2011 / ujax - Oct 29, 2011
|"How I Came to Learn Myself" - Common Application Essay
4 - Too many separations of paragraphs? More centralized idea and the first sentences need to be improved. First sentences=first impression...
Undergraduatep12ehoffman - Oct 29, 2011 / polk540 - Oct 29, 2011
|'Breathe in through the nose' - common app essay for Vanderbilt ED
2 - It's very personal and memorable.. But, it is too wordy and sometimes, a little too detailed. I know you...
Undergraduateforeverhopping - Oct 27, 2011 / rifatmursalin - Oct 29, 2011
|'Progressive Equestrian Therapeutic Services' - UVA - favorite place to get lost
Undergraduatedenofthieves - Oct 29, 2011 / denofthieves - Oct 29, 2011
|'notable alumnus' - FIT fashion design major essay
Undergraduatedodpop - Oct 27, 2011 / dumdeedumdeedoo - Oct 29, 2011
|'the dexterity of my uncle's game-play - My common app
Undergraduatetherealhummus - Oct 29, 2011 / therealhummus - Oct 29, 2011
|Northwestern statement-Academics, diversity,and extracurricular
2 - You use the word "great" which could be easily replaced by something better. Your first paragraph is redundant; I...
Undergraduatewaymondzhou - Oct 29, 2011 / therealhummus - Oct 29, 2011
|'The Blank Sheet of Paper' - about Extracurricular Activities
4 - EDits of the Common Application. I still need help with the concluding the paragraph. Im currently at 950 characters...
UndergraduateJoel2012 - Oct 27, 2011 / Joel2012 - Oct 29, 2011
|"Introducing Me" - UPenn Supplement Essay (Optional)
3 - Thanks for the critique! I just revised it to read: "I've been known to drift; go through different...
Undergraduatep12ehoffman - Oct 29, 2011 / p12ehoffman - Oct 29, 2011
|'love of reading' - U.Penn supplement
4 - I think the content is very good, and that your response flows nicely as a whole. The only recommendation...
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Oct 28, 2011 / p12ehoffman - Oct 29, 2011
|"UPenn: My Ideal Match" - UPenn Supplement Essay
2 - I'm also applying to UPenn and i thought your essay was overall good, but I think that you didn't...
Undergraduatep12ehoffman - Oct 29, 2011 / therealhummus - Oct 29, 2011
|'In failure, I find success' - Introduce yourself to Penn
2 - I think that what you have going here is concise and powerful. A UPenn applicant myself, I am familiar...
Undergraduate754changsteph - Oct 28, 2011 / p12ehoffman - Oct 29, 2011
|Why Penn?--interest in psychology, being a tutor
2 - I also did this one, and it is difficult to make interesting. (I am applying to Wharton). Yes, lose...
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Oct 29, 2011 / SueHeck - Oct 29, 2011
|'the day we become silent about things that matter' - Penn Supplement
Undergraduatedisaznboii19148 - Oct 23, 2011 / SueHeck - Oct 29, 2011
|'GBP to bond with others' UGA Essay
NEW - Hello everyone! I have two short essays for University of Georgia. The application deadline is on the 31st...
Undergraduaterifatmursalin - Oct 29, 2011 / — -
|STANFORD ESSAYS: PARALLEL UNIVERSES AND LETTER TO ROOMMATE
5 - You should really know that the athletics teams are the Stanford "cardinal", as in the color, rather than "cardinals"....
Undergraduatewillowstevens - Oct 27, 2011 / theduncinator - Oct 29, 2011
|'Dramatic Story - Introduce yourself' - NYU tisch dramatic essay
Undergraduatejzakko - Oct 29, 2011 / jzakko - Oct 29, 2011
|Common App -Character Influence-Introduction-"ODD ONES"
2 - I think this has the potential to be a very interesting essay. I would deffinitely continue it. Just be...
UndergraduatePrimeTime309 - Oct 29, 2011 / pandaana - Oct 29, 2011
|MIT "World You Come From" - Rural India
UndergraduateJasu - Oct 29, 2011 / Podolski - Oct 29, 2011
|'a phone call from my BRACE advisor' - University of Florida Undergrad - Leadership
Undergraduatesmithchaz - Oct 27, 2011 / sarahadams - Oct 29, 2011
|'you'll be my first' - Stanford Supplement B. - Dear Roommate
5 - Thankyou for the input! I'm revising it this weekend so I'll try to post the newly revised one sometime...
UndergraduateKymberlyAlexis - Oct 27, 2011 / KymberlyAlexis - Oct 29, 2011
|"You make happiness with your own hands"-UW Madison- academic goals and circumstances
4 - Good essay, but in the last paragraph you randomly capitalized business in school of business--probably just a careless error....
Undergraduatechelsos - Oct 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Oct 29, 2011
|'The decision to study art' - "describe myself" for an essay
Undergraduatetria - Oct 27, 2011 / thanhomenh_nq99 - Oct 29, 2011
|Intellectional development / Roommate / What matters to me
UndergraduateZez - Oct 26, 2011 / AussieTechie - Oct 29, 2011
|'Wisdom is knowing how to use knowledge' -PEARL ESSAY
Undergraduateemrr98 - Oct 26, 2011 / AU0594 - Oct 29, 2011
|"Building a shed and building a future"---Essay Response to Why I'm transferring
Undergraduatefess86 - Oct 21, 2011 / fess86 - Oct 28, 2011
|'a very strong interest in the Law' - College of Arts and Sciences
Undergraduatesexililkadie - Oct 26, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Oct 28, 2011
|Engineering: MIT - Which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why?
Undergraduatekesontag - Oct 28, 2011 / Dimitris - Oct 28, 2011
|'After I got the rejection letter' - Stanford re-applicants Essay
2 - I think that maybe you should shorten the beginning a bit...talk about your devastation, but maybe don't dwell so...
UndergraduateDimitris - Oct 28, 2011 / 754changsteph - Oct 28, 2011
|'Artificial intelligence' - Standford - Experience important to my development
4 - It seems I didnt understand the instructions completely. I rewrote the whole thing to reflect the what and why...
Undergraduatelistix - Oct 27, 2011 / listix - Oct 28, 2011
|"I Can't Tell My Parents What I do on Saturday Nights"- CA personal statement
Undergraduateseahawks506 - Oct 28, 2011 / seahawks506 - Oct 28, 2011
|'Observing my mom's hard work and dedication' - Impactful person ADMISSIONS
2 - These are just a few grammatical things I found. Be sure to use spelling/grammar check! :) We were...
UndergraduateMILLIE631 - Oct 26, 2011 / kesontag - Oct 28, 2011
|'I like it is to draw and paint' - MIT - What do you do for the pleasure of it?
Undergraduatekesontag - Oct 28, 2011 / kesontag - Oct 28, 2011
|SERVICE FOR A BETTER WORLD (common app)
NEW - Please critique my common application essay below. I will appreciate your comments. Thanks. Service means more to me...
UndergraduatePAULMAVITI - Oct 28, 2011 / — -
|'They fascinated me' - Rice supplemental essay - Reasons why I choose Rice
UndergraduateDudelstein - Oct 25, 2011 / Dudelstein - Oct 28, 2011
|Diverse Background, my experiences, and character - My Common App Personal Statement
4 - new draft with revisions. 7:41 am. There I sat, gazing off into distance while thoughts raced inside my...
Undergraduatetylrrvera - Oct 23, 2011 / tylrrvera - Oct 28, 2011
|'organized various community service and charitable projects' - short answer (FBLA)
Undergraduatetianhou - Oct 27, 2011 / tianhou - Oct 28, 2011
|'I am a vibrant figure' - Why are you applying to this college?
UndergraduateTruscan2012 - Oct 26, 2011 / Truscan2012 - Oct 28, 2011
|'the topic of skating' - University of Michigan Supplement- Describe a community
3 - Here is the second draft. Any comments? My father stops in front of a vine-covered building. Without the...
Undergraduateruru530 - Oct 23, 2011 / ruru530 - Oct 28, 2011
|'I chose to become an exchange student' University of Michigan - Describe a community
Undergraduatezhahaoyu - Oct 25, 2011 / zhahaoyu - Oct 28, 2011
|'Friendship, responsibility, and dedication' - work experiences, Common app
2 - Friendship, responsibility, and dedication. These are the words that come to mind when I think about the Student Council....
Undergraduateandreazepeda - Oct 28, 2011 / alaboy4ik - Oct 28, 2011
|'passion for travel and education in the melting pot' UW Madison-Community Enrichment
Undergraduatechelsos - Oct 28, 2011 / — -
|Learning is not about the "A" - Stanford Supplement Essays
5 - The mention of the Chinese proverb is very beneficial- I would also recommend that you expand on it and...
Undergraduatetdupree - Oct 24, 2011 / chelsos - Oct 28, 2011
|"Obsessed family" - The world you come from, UC
2 - I attended a webinar for UC personal prompts and the admissions officer was telling us that they really don't...
UndergraduateMv71 - Oct 27, 2011 / splashingtuna - Oct 27, 2011
|'I would give up food just to go that extra mile' - personal quality, accomplishment
2 - academic performance from all my siblings academic performance out of all my siblings friends that were not the...
Undergraduatedloida90 - Oct 26, 2011 / Mv71 - Oct 27, 2011
|'The business world requirements' - Georgetown Essay - Early Action
Undergraduatejoeservidio - Oct 27, 2011 / joeservidio - Oct 27, 2011
|'contradictions to globalism and in soccer' - Rutgers Essay
NEW - Please review this as quickly as possible. I have deadline comming up this week.. Thank you Rutgers University...
Undergraduatewilliam3142 - Oct 27, 2011 / — -
|'My notebook is a reflection of me' - Common App
6 - No, I think it's personal enough because you talked about your experiences with the notebook during good times and...
UndergraduateNeonGhost - Oct 18, 2011 / calvin - Oct 27, 2011
|'to stretch my mind and to explore ideas' + 'good soundtracks for movies' - Uchicago
3 - thanks ! :):)...
Undergraduatekillerpotatoes - Oct 25, 2011 / killerpotatoes - Oct 27, 2011
|'Sports and Coaching' - EC answer
2 - But within sport, there is the ability to overcome difficulty and dance to your own individual beat. (AMAZING )...
Undergraduatewallboys - Oct 26, 2011 / sarahadams - Oct 27, 2011
|the steel blade reflects - MIT "something you do for the pleasure of it"
4 - the first paragraph is great Biological Engineering would be a good fit for me- would be the perfect...
UndergraduateJF123 - Oct 10, 2011 / sarahadams - Oct 27, 2011
|'foolish it was of myself to be afraid' - UC essay, thoughts?
UndergraduateCS7 - Oct 25, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 27, 2011
|'the wonderful lady I call my mother' - Who was your influence? Essay - Common App
4 - I understand what you are saying about your mother. In my opinion, you should try to be more analytical...
Undergraduategganga - Oct 25, 2011 / a3jr100blk - Oct 27, 2011
|"Coming in at third place!" - significant experience
Undergraduatea3jr100blk - Oct 24, 2011 / a3jr100blk - Oct 27, 2011
|'Some folks have unrealistic expectations and to ignore facts' issue of concern
NEW - Discuss and issue of concern and its importance to you. "The making of illusions-misleading images or ideas that...
UndergraduateGuest - Oct 27, 2011 / — -
|'THE CLUCK-IT LIST' - U-Chicago - Something You Found When You Weren't Looking For It
2 - The nonsensical name aptly described the list: irrational-senseless at best. From visiting a cemetery at midnight with a Ouija...
Undergraduatecoexistential - Oct 24, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 27, 2011
|'abandoning a strict and objective class setting' - UChicago Supplemental
4 - Thanks. I was thinking since the prompt specifically asks what makes UofC great for me that 'ideal' would imply...
UndergraduateBig Z - Oct 21, 2011 / Big Z - Oct 27, 2011
|"Undiscovered Blessings" - CommonApp Extracurricular
UndergraduateMidnight Dove - Oct 25, 2011 / sarahadams - Oct 26, 2011
|'a flock of 20 chickens' - Common App - issue of international concern
Undergraduategreenchange - Oct 22, 2011 / greenchange - Oct 26, 2011
|'market dynamics and math modeling' - Management and Technology Essay
2 - This is REALLY good. I don't know much about business and engineering jargon. Therefore, I can not really help...
Undergraduatearthurwu1 - Oct 26, 2011 / meliss25 - Oct 26, 2011
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