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|'raised in Shaheen Bag' - My World--- UVA Essay
3 - Thanks so much Kenneth! I would definitely read your essay tomorrow, when I have a chance, that is if...
Undergraduaterifatmursalin - Oct 31, 2011 / rifatmursalin - Oct 31, 2011
|'it made me eager to read and interpret literature' -Stanford (Intellectual Vitality)
7 - I'm struggling with the roommate essay, too, but here're just some of my thoughts: I'm not too sure...
UndergraduateTheallMaster - Oct 25, 2011 / iabas - Oct 31, 2011
|'Someone's difference is an Advantage' - MSU personal statement
2 - I have met many different people on those travels, different in race, ethnicity and culture. I have worked...
Undergraduatehanh1109 - Oct 31, 2011 / listix - Oct 31, 2011
|'my passion for engineering persisted' -UMD Application Essay
Undergraduatemreh2 - Oct 29, 2011 / mreh2 - Oct 31, 2011
|'the impact of religion on society' - Stanford Supplement: What Matters and Why?
2 - The essay is definitely well written and has a good story to promote the idea of restraint. The transition...
Undergraduateiabas - Oct 31, 2011 / TheallMaster - Oct 31, 2011
|'two days after the eighteen hour flight from China' - UF application
Undergraduateya369268780 - Oct 31, 2011 / ya369268780 - Oct 31, 2011
|'paint my world into a painting' - Essay for Boarding School admissions
2 - academics...not academic. Your essay paints a picture of the places you have been but now who you are...maybe a...
UndergraduateEmma828 - Oct 30, 2011 / pooroldmama - Oct 31, 2011
|'darkness is the mere absence of light' - University of Chicago Essay
3 - So, two basic things to start. One: What is your prompt? UChicago's 5th option is not "choose your...
Undergraduatearberlajqi - Oct 30, 2011 / Auralie - Oct 31, 2011
|'The urge to succeed' - What matters to me Stanford
10 - Thanks! I hope the same to you! Goodluck! And if there is anything else you need help with, I'll...
Undergraduatecstephanie41 - Oct 31, 2011 / cstephanie41 - Oct 31, 2011
|'to abide by the strict decorum' - UMich Community Essay- Caddy Program
2 - holy crap, super rough draft?? its good.. great vocab, tone and flow Yet a resonating tone exudes from...
UndergraduateLotus_21 - Oct 29, 2011 / hanh1109 - Oct 31, 2011
|'a school that I can benefit from' -What can you learn & contribute to Penn Community
3 - Thank you so much for that, it's really helpful. I've done three research projects for school and never thought...
UndergraduateRae0118 - Oct 30, 2011 / Rae0118 - Oct 31, 2011
|When Two Arts Collide- University of Florida Undergraduate Essay
UndergraduateJames1993 - Oct 27, 2011 / sexililkadie - Oct 31, 2011
|'I will surpass the hardships' - Rutgers
2 - Many experiences in my childhood have helped me learn about other people and the way that they talk but...
Undergraduateaanthonyz - Oct 31, 2011 / hanh1109 - Oct 31, 2011
|'Living a life in constant battle' - Rutgers community
UndergraduateAbbas8 - Oct 31, 2011 / hanh1109 - Oct 31, 2011
|'My trip to China to learn about the Chinese culture' Stanford Intellectual Vitality
3 - Thanks, this was my first draft. I'm still working on this essay, but I plan on posting my newest...
Undergraduatealexxlen - Oct 12, 2011 / alexxlen - Oct 31, 2011
|"Lost, yet complete"- UF Prompt and Essay
NEW - I just finished my UF app and i really need some suggestions because I dont know if its really...
Undergraduateprahasi17 - Oct 31, 2011 / — -
|"the jr. rec leader program" - your personal experience
3 - Hello. As RHK mentioned, try to give more support to your first sentence. And I would spell out...
Undergraduatesohab6 - Oct 31, 2011 / ljrtan - Oct 31, 2011
|'dedicated to pursue a career in medical field' - my personal statement -medicine
NEW - Please comment my essay, thx I am dedicated to pursue a career in medical field because I have...
Undergraduatewendywing - Oct 31, 2011 / — -
|'My dream' - why columbia
Undergraduatesarahadams - Oct 31, 2011 / argentum - Oct 31, 2011
|'learning music by just observing and listening' - CommonApp Short - Music and Me
4 - Furthermore, being part of the symphony of various orchestral sections is an exhilarating experience. Playing alongside Japanese counterparts in...
Undergraduatecukaracha - Oct 30, 2011 / PrimeTime309 - Oct 31, 2011
|"Working on a campaign and experiencing business" --Georgetown McDonough School Essay
2 - + *I like your introduction it really catches reader's attention. *The last sentence is great! - *seldom leak of...
Undergraduatefrankfink - Oct 29, 2011 / amanda guo - Oct 31, 2011
|'Playing video games' + 'The Comparative Media Studies' + 'Curiosity' - MIT
2 - 1) I understand that wording is limited but the first essay to me sounds fairly generic. I do not...
Undergraduatemanik1694 - Oct 31, 2011 / TheallMaster - Oct 31, 2011
|'Its all worth it' - significant risk, drama
3 - Thanks a lot Kevin, i always taught something was missing from the essay, i guess it was imagery, something...
Undergraduatejstark93 - Oct 26, 2011 / jstark93 - Oct 31, 2011
|"The teachings of my grandfather" Villanova supplement essay Early Action
Undergraduatecalvin - Oct 27, 2011 / sarahadams - Oct 31, 2011
|Cornell Univ. essay "Playing piano for patients"
4 - ur concepts and goal that ur trying to convey are good they just need to be more developed "bringing...
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Aug 15, 2011 / sohab6 - Oct 31, 2011
|'ants and loneliness' - UC personal statement 1
Undergraduatehixtine - Oct 24, 2011 / sohab6 - Oct 31, 2011
|'this small Gothic wonderland' - Duke supplement essay
Undergraduatejoyci116 - Oct 30, 2011 / joyci116 - Oct 31, 2011
|'Wordpress + Pedro Ruiz, Peru' - UVA supplement
2 - Question about your second essay, where exactly are you you elaborating where you're from? Because if it's from Mississippi,...
Undergraduatebigdog - Oct 29, 2011 / pumpkinpatch - Oct 30, 2011
|'tales of the Chinese Cultural Revolution - Georgetown U Essay about yourself
2 - I'm applying to Georgetown early too! Good luck!(: Today, I have established myself as a student appreciated by...
Undergraduatekellylui - Oct 30, 2011 / pumpkinpatch - Oct 30, 2011
|'a new journey with bare feet' - U of m supplement
3 - One of my favorite extracurricular activities is tutoring sciences and mathematics. After attending my college courses, I spend my...
Undergraduaterlatjsdud - Oct 29, 2011 / brunogdiaz - Oct 30, 2011
|UIUC essay #1 - the need to endeavor
2 - I think the first paragraph is a bit unnecessary, though well written. Good application of the quote. I wanted...
Undergraduatepepper - Oct 28, 2011 / madtomato - Oct 30, 2011
|'the MEC (Model European Council)' - Elaborate on an EC -COMMONAPP
2 - March of 2011, I had the amazing opportunity to take part in the MEC (Model European Council) which was...
Undergraduatesashnv - Oct 29, 2011 / pumpkinpatch - Oct 30, 2011
|Need advice on subject for extracurricular activity (a mentoring club)
Undergraduatedesm2012 - Oct 30, 2011 / desm2012 - Oct 30, 2011
|Short Answer: Department which appeals most to you- biological/biomedical engineering
3 - I think this is quite nice, but I think you may consider talking more about the topics that you...
Undergraduatesushilife - Oct 30, 2011 / kellylui - Oct 30, 2011
|"Ruin is a gift" / "see my family in the summer" - Princeton CommonApps
2 - Most people misinterpret impoverished countries as countries with no opportunities. My 2011 trip demonstrated you can be successful anywhere,...
UndergraduateAU0594 - Oct 30, 2011 / desm2012 - Oct 30, 2011
|Common App: My Trumpet Shirley
Undergraduatecrackhamster - Oct 25, 2011 / sonya15 - Oct 30, 2011
|"My Desire,Dream, and Dedication" Rutgers University Prompt
2 - I don't know if this is everything, but here are the grammar corrections I found on my first read-through....
Undergraduatechipsahui - Oct 30, 2011 / mamccabe - Oct 30, 2011
|'What inspires me to become a doctor' - my interest and experience
4 - UPDATE! I believe everyone should strive for excellence and follow their dreams. From a young age I have...
Undergraduateraufali687 - Oct 30, 2011 / raufali687 - Oct 30, 2011
|'the determination and curiosity to study the brain' - UW-Madison personal statement
2 - The sentence that begins "I definitely see myself..." is a bit too long. Also "I strongly intend..." is a...
Undergraduateincredibad - Oct 30, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 30, 2011
|'Mexican born parents' (my world) UC personal statement
4 - Use better transitions. Example: Born to parents raised in Mexico, I often heard anecdotes about my parents'...
Undergraduatebatman5621 - Oct 30, 2011 / sonya15 - Oct 30, 2011
|'From back down Alabama...' - U Michigan Supplement Essay
Undergraduatepolk540 - Oct 28, 2011 / polk540 - Oct 30, 2011
|"You get out what you put in" - University of Michigan, Different Communities
4 - I think you need more examples from your own personal life. Talk more about how the Russian culture and...
UndergraduateGreg0825 - Oct 30, 2011 / sonya15 - Oct 30, 2011
|the "money saver" girl - Drexel application
5 - Thanks =) but other than the grammar...what do you think about the content? Is it too common? What should...
UndergraduateVivie93 - Oct 30, 2011 / Vivie93 - Oct 30, 2011
|'doing a favor for the school' - Help for Emory Supplement
3 - Ooh remember, Emory is not an IVY league. "I couldn't help but imagine the prospect of improving my...
Undergraduatecharisma369 - Oct 30, 2011 / sonya15 - Oct 30, 2011
|"Dance and the Body" - University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign
3 - I really like this essay because you talk about two such varied interests, but bring them together well. You...
Undergraduatemadtomato - Oct 30, 2011 / sonya15 - Oct 30, 2011
|A strong Christian base foundation- how family, culture, environment influenced you?
UndergraduateHazley23 - Oct 30, 2011 / — -
|'After that surgery' - VCU autobiography essay
Undergraduatenate581994 - Oct 28, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 30, 2011
|'I volunteered in a Christian Church' - Temple Application :: Personal Experience
2 - ... I was afraid to adapt to new conditions in an unfamiliar city, as it was very difficult to...
Undergraduatekitlau - Oct 28, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 30, 2011
|'Chasing the Answers' - Cornell supplement for CAS
3 - run-on sentence: we would look up into the night sky and gaze at those small, distant twinkling lights and...
UndergraduateNeonGhost - Oct 28, 2011 / AU0594 - Oct 30, 2011
|Life After the Aha Moment - admissions for Pratt
Undergraduatevon_dee - Oct 28, 2011 / AU0594 - Oct 30, 2011
|Skiing Essay - Topic of Choice for Common App?
Undergraduatekellyletsgo - Oct 28, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 30, 2011
|'The duality of ideas' - Stanford Supplement Essays
Undergraduatedumdeedumdeedoo - Oct 26, 2011 / dumdeedumdeedoo - Oct 30, 2011
|"My trip to the museum" University of Virginia supplement- Early Action help
Undergraduatecalvin - Oct 27, 2011 / calvin - Oct 30, 2011
|"My Struggle, to overcome my fear" - UF application
5 - Thank you! It's funny because I sent the essay to one of my teacher's and she isn't available to...
Undergraduate93haider - Oct 19, 2011 / 93haider - Oct 30, 2011
|'Business Management/Administration program I am looking for' - reasons for transfer
Undergraduatezenumber1brat - Oct 27, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 30, 2011
|'..until I graduated secondary school in Canada' - reason for transferring
2 - I was without any ambition or objective in life until I graduated secondary school in Canada. So I...
Undergraduateykr1018 - Oct 27, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 30, 2011
|'I had most things done for me' - GWU - What influenced you to apply
5 - Then you answered the prompt nicely. Yeah, I'll read the other one, but where do I find it? Also,...
Undergraduateggurl3 - Oct 27, 2011 / dumdeedumdeedoo - Oct 30, 2011
|"Watching the sun rise from Mount Fuji" Common App
4 - While the topic is great and is quality writing, this is not what colleges are looking for. Don't use...
Undergraduatecalvin - Oct 27, 2011 / rifatmursalin - Oct 30, 2011
|'knowledge and self-discovery' - UPenn supplement
Undergraduatemereserenity - Oct 30, 2011 / mereserenity - Oct 30, 2011
|'we returned her home' - UChicago Essay
Undergraduatematildamay - Oct 30, 2011 / matildamay - Oct 30, 2011
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