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|'Poverty in America and volunteering' - CommonApp Personal Essay Revision
2 - Let me just say, this is the first time I have actually seen someone write from this prompt. As...
Undergraduatemanny12 - Oct 23, 2011 / daniel44992 - Oct 24, 2011
|'I want to study Finance' - University of Illinois at Chicago
3 - Thank you hixtine^^ I will change those small errors. For the lack of explanation, I kinda want to make...
UndergraduateIceforest - Oct 24, 2011 / Iceforest - Oct 24, 2011
|The act on divorcement; my mother is the most incredible woman
Undergraduatehannahtran123 - Oct 22, 2011 / hannahtran123 - Oct 24, 2011
|'Judging a book by its cover' - essay for Wagnar College
Undergraduatesarahadams - Oct 24, 2011 / — -
|And All That Jazz. Michigan Supplement.
Undergraduatefifty8 - Oct 22, 2011 / fifty8 - Oct 24, 2011
|"I choose to worship empathy." - Common App Essay
UndergraduateJessH - Oct 24, 2011 / kate11everett - Oct 24, 2011
|'My uncle is a Colonel in the Air Force' - Air Force Academy Interest Essay
Undergraduatechtrojans1004 - Oct 23, 2011 / JessH - Oct 24, 2011
|'struggling reading defenses' - Common App Supplement Question
2 - Here's a great way to reduce word count, get rid of passive sentences! The best way to do this...
UndergraduateQB5 - Oct 24, 2011 / doortothe - Oct 24, 2011
|CommonApp Essay/Unusual circumstance: Moral ambivalence in a running bus.
2 - First things first, we here on the site need to know what question you are answering with this essay....
Undergraduateleonardjo - Oct 23, 2011 / doortothe - Oct 24, 2011
|"Sounds of Happiness" Common App Essay
UndergraduateIBnerd - Sep 25, 2011 / IBnerd - Oct 24, 2011
|I believe that Pharmacy is a science and art; Personal statement(Clinical Pharmacy)
Undergraduatemisffer - Oct 23, 2011 / ManarN - Oct 24, 2011
|My Family (from Saudi Arabia) Background
8 - beatifully written and touching :) yeah i believe by simply adding words such as 'furthermore' 'in addition' 'subsequently', it...
Undergraduatemishalalzaid - Sep 18, 2011 / isabellaclaudia - Oct 24, 2011
|'Penn will help me thrive' - Supplement to QuestBridge Essay
2 - Hello Arianna, As many know, I am a UPenn graduate. Your essay is great. I enjoyed reading it...
UndergraduateAU0594 - Oct 23, 2011 / admission2012 - Oct 24, 2011
|Personal Experience Essay- A New Sensation- A food essay
2 - well, i agree with you that "small stories in our lives may have a lesson." So what's the lesson...
Undergraduatefiddlearound - Oct 23, 2011 / freekyidea - Oct 24, 2011
|'Life without struggles would be..' - common app
6 - good luck...
UndergraduateJustynaax3 - Oct 20, 2011 / mishalalzaid - Oct 24, 2011
|'defined by my decisions and actions + my father' - UIUC essay
UndergraduateBriana21 - Oct 23, 2011 / ruru530 - Oct 23, 2011
|'born of Chinese descent to major in Chinese' - UC transfer applications
5 - The short time we lived in Singapore made me see everything from a different angleperspective and I gained a...
Undergraduatesally9216 - Oct 9, 2011 / dumi - Oct 23, 2011
|'the best educational experience' - Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech
3 - Thank you so much for the advice. I guess i misunderstood the prompt and focused a little bit too...
UndergraduateartiQlate - Oct 23, 2011 / artiQlate - Oct 23, 2011
|(Earwax, Roommate,Time/relationship) Standford Short Essay
6 - you're a really good write I enjoyed all three of your essays! i too was continually surprised by your...
Undergraduateyihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011 / jennifercapp - Oct 23, 2011
|'to create ideas and innovations' - Why do i want to be an engineer essay
4 - I also enjoyed your incorporation of the panda story to tie in with your essay! the first paragraph, however,...
Undergraduatevittoriopanda - Oct 23, 2011 / jennifercapp - Oct 23, 2011
|Mono, and Diversity. (Boulder Essays)
Undergraduatekevin12345 - Oct 23, 2011 / artiQlate - Oct 23, 2011
|'I considered myself to be undiscovered' - someone who impacted my life
3 - Thanks for your remark, but could you please expand on what you mean by unselfish, I really don't want...
UndergraduateKenneth - Oct 23, 2011 / Kenneth - Oct 23, 2011
|'I motivate myself' - St. Johns-short description
Undergraduatelnddancer - Oct 23, 2011 / lnddancer - Oct 23, 2011
|Baile Folklorico - Common App-Expand on Extracurricular
2 - Wow, I love the chain reaction idea, very clever transition. I do think you need to expound more on...
Undergraduatesourwatermelon - Oct 23, 2011 / capriciousprite - Oct 23, 2011
|Stanford - Intellectual Vitality (learning), Roomate (redneck) What Matters to You
6 - I really like you intellectual vitality essay, I too, love to blog! it really shows your learning experience and...
UndergraduateLeeD - Oct 6, 2011 / jennifercapp - Oct 23, 2011
|'The Wit of Writers' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality Supplement
3 - I like your approach on the prompt - it's certainly a unique one. I admire you for that. However,...
Undergraduateetron - Oct 10, 2011 / jennifercapp - Oct 23, 2011
|"A Hero who is making a difference" admission
Undergraduatemiggyp - Oct 23, 2011 / miggyp - Oct 23, 2011
|'Not following my brother's path' - Common App Personal Statement
2 - I think the last sentence in the second paragraph is very awkward and you can do without it. ...
Undergraduateblankm2 - Oct 23, 2011 / Reeny - Oct 23, 2011
|'a supportive and structured environment' - Northwestern Statement
3 - "She told me that because of Northwestern's prestige and standing in the scientific community, the government funds the school...
Undergraduatechadbinghay - Oct 23, 2011 / tylrrvera - Oct 23, 2011
|"Helping at the hospital" - Volunteer Activity - Common App
3 - Thank you. :) Well, I didn't really help much with patients directly, so I was kind of implying that...
Undergraduategganga - Oct 23, 2011 / gganga - Oct 23, 2011
|'Being a member of PALs' - Apply Texas-Common App
5 - Being a member of PALs has given me opportunities that I would have not had otherwise. PALs is an...
Undergraduatelnddancer - Oct 23, 2011 / lnddancer - Oct 23, 2011
|'fascination with how we heal' - Northwestern Supplement
Undergraduateskylerb - Oct 23, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
|'Teaching swimming lessons' - Common App Short Answer -- Extracurricular Activity
3 - Actually, for correct grammar, not only NEEDS to be followed by a "but also" Teaching swimming lessons with Special...
Undergraduatelovewater16 - Oct 22, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
|'interest in biology and chemistry' - UMCP early action admission
UndergraduateSLyn - Oct 22, 2011 / SLyn - Oct 23, 2011
|'yearbook staff' - University of Florida
2 - I would suggest giving some examples of the things that you learned though year book and how they would...
UndergraduateSkiesSoBlue07 - Oct 23, 2011 / jessjess8877 - Oct 23, 2011
|An architecture to be - UC ESSAY (help)
Undergraduatetherresashannen - Oct 23, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
|"More than I expected" - Princeton Summer Essay
3 - Sorry, I'm gonna be brutal, but can you make the intro more interesting and ramble a little less? I...
Undergraduatedaniel44992 - Oct 22, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
|'Our stay in America definitely' - Personal Statement - Diversity
2 - a minor revision: everything an* 8-year-old could ask for honestly, i don't believe you were too biased/whiny,...
UndergraduateMisletoe - Oct 23, 2011 / ManarN - Oct 23, 2011
|"Communications Application" class - time you found something you weren't looking for
4 - No problem, and thanks for your feedback. I made changes to my essay and I guess I'm going to...
UndergraduateNotAnAccount - Oct 19, 2011 / 93haider - Oct 23, 2011
|'I saw a girl in a wheelchair' - Important person in your life..
6 - Thank you! I decided not to change the word normal.. I don't see anything wrong with it also.:)...
Undergraduatebigbangg1215 - Oct 20, 2011 / bigbangg1215 - Oct 23, 2011
|Clarinet Performance - My Common App Extracurricular Essay
2 - This is great, you can really see your passion for the clarinet. I would change it to present tense...
Undergraduatekyapkyap - Oct 23, 2011 / lnddancer - Oct 23, 2011
|'a biology related major' - Commonapp- school of choice short answer
2 - I am applying to the Wiess School of Natural Sciences in order to pursue a biology related major. I...
Undergraduateletmego - Oct 22, 2011 / gganga - Oct 23, 2011
|'Ambition to speak a second language fluently' - for English study program
2 - That's a pretty solid essay, I like it! I don't see anything to improve on to be honest. Good...
Undergraduateakbarovsky - Oct 22, 2011 / Guest - Oct 23, 2011
|'I never look back' - Common App Short - Snowboarding
Undergraduatejaneismetoo - Oct 22, 2011 / chadbinghay - Oct 23, 2011
|"the tendency to the unequal distribution of wealth and power" -(University of Texas)
Undergraduategalanbryan - Oct 22, 2011 / chadbinghay - Oct 23, 2011
|'a national history prize' - about common application additional information
5 - If you think your personal essay doesn't fully explain you, you do can attach additional essay to the additional...
Undergraduatelisaliqiya - Oct 23, 2011 / leonardjo - Oct 23, 2011
|You got to be surgeon one day!-Common app, topic of your choice
2 - Your essay is interesting, but the sentence "My parents were happy. Many people were congratulating my parents too. But,...
Undergraduatecallmeapple - Oct 23, 2011 / therresashannen - Oct 23, 2011
|'mother told me that we were moving to Florida' event, experience or accomplishment
2 - The family part, on the other hand, was what had me preoccupied. and began counting down the months, mentally...
UndergraduateNJFLBoy1994 - Oct 21, 2011 / AU0594 - Oct 23, 2011
|Charity Fund and Orphanage Volunteering - Common Application Short Answer
Undergraduatemike2010 - Oct 22, 2011 / kyapkyap - Oct 23, 2011
|'My family - the fountain of all my happiness' - Upenn Supplement short
Undergraduatefineboy - Oct 21, 2011 / fineboy - Oct 23, 2011
|'Jasmine aromas' A Chinese Style PS about people who has influence on you
3 - You mentioned exactly what the counsellor said. WOW!!!!! I now know the biggest problem of my essay, though it's...
Undergraduateyaocaomei - Oct 21, 2011 / yaocaomei - Oct 22, 2011
|"old dead white men" - Why Columbia?
Undergraduatecapriciousprite - Oct 22, 2011 / xiaohong - Oct 22, 2011
|'My life synonymous to diversity' - my Rutgers essay
7 - mods, please delete this thread...I am submitting this essay and I do not want the college to think that...
Undergraduatesha123 - Oct 17, 2011 / sha123 - Oct 22, 2011
|"The people not the sport" - Common App Extracurricular Essay
Undergraduatedaniel44992 - Oct 22, 2011 / letmego - Oct 22, 2011
|Why Engineering? For multiple colleges (John Hopkins, Michigan, and Illinois)
4 - I believe that through this method of viewing the environment around me has led to many discoveries that might...
UndergraduateCloudbuster274 - Oct 21, 2011 / letmego - Oct 22, 2011
|"Perspective: the old Mark still existed" - ApplyTexas Topic A
Undergraduatebrik2100 - Oct 9, 2011 / tippu - Oct 22, 2011
|UVA: One Hundred Years of Solitude and The Five People You meet in heaven
2 - After reading the book, I sought a proof by approaching others: I could conquer loneliness and live a loving...
Undergraduateljxlrdjxdr - Oct 20, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 22, 2011
|'Hitting yellow balls' -Extracurricular Activity Short Answer
2 - It's really good, and it shows characteristics about yourself that might not otherwise be shown in the common, which...
Undergraduateletmego - Oct 21, 2011 / amajor12 - Oct 22, 2011
|'The Art of Bone' - common app
2 - In the second paragraph your examples feel very out of place and makes that section of your essay very...
Undergraduateessaygirl1 - Oct 22, 2011 / Cloudbuster274 - Oct 22, 2011
|MIT SHORT Answer: Department which Appeals Most to you (Biological Engineering)
3 - I agree with the person above. The last sentence is not personal, instead it feels like you are referring...
Undergraduateoncloud9 - Oct 22, 2011 / greenchange - Oct 22, 2011
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