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|'Love for art, music, computers, web/media, acting' - College Application
3 - Thank you for your reply. I will look into using passive structure but can you give me an example...
Undergraduatemantica - Oct 23, 2011 / mantica - Oct 25, 2011
|mathematic, my dream- Cornell: Art and Science supplementary essay
3 - Thank you so much for your constructive advice. After revision and deletion, the essay now only has 427 words....
Undergraduateparker - Oct 24, 2011 / parker - Oct 25, 2011
|'a miraculous religious discovery' - Common App -Most Influential Person
Undergraduateelijahcrago - Oct 24, 2011 / cloudwatcher - Oct 25, 2011
|'I learned about my Shadow' - Common Application: The Greatest Issue of All
2 - there are few grammar errors. How often do video games inspire life-changing decisions? For most people, not at all,...
Undergraduatedoortothe - Oct 24, 2011 / parker - Oct 25, 2011
|The language of the universe- comonapp extracurriculars essay.
3 - I agree. I like the way you can incorporate the rather daunting 'SAT' vocabularies like they belong there, and...
Undergraduateabhilasha12 - Oct 13, 2011 / smartanddumber - Oct 25, 2011
|'Passion for Singing' - Common Application Brief <1000 char Response
3 - it's a stunning essay, really. i love how you've not only described your passion but intricately bound it with...
Undergraduatesm9453 - Oct 15, 2011 / abhilasha12 - Oct 25, 2011
|Princeton Quote Essay - "Palmetto Boys State Redo"
2 - Your essay is quite well written! You've got quite a paradigm shift going on. I like how your conclusion...
Undergraduatedaniel44992 - Oct 24, 2011 / CatY - Oct 25, 2011
|"My experience in Magic the Gathering" Common App prompt
2 - THIS IS VERY GOOD... GREAT JOB the only thing is use what you learned while playing your games and...
Undergraduateepd101 - Oct 24, 2011 / sarahadams - Oct 24, 2011
|My family's struggle against PKD - Common App Essay!
3 - i understand that the Admission Officer see a lot essay about ILLNESS, DISEASE but what makes an essay a...
Undergraduatetdupree - Oct 22, 2011 / sarahadams - Oct 24, 2011
|'Experience at my part time job' - My commom app essay
2 - This really was a defining moment for me because one of the biggest problems I've had is facing conflict...
Undergraduateeman9416 - Oct 23, 2011 / hanh1109 - Oct 24, 2011
|'When the word "Spain" is mentioned' - a significant experience, achievement, risk
NEW - CRITIQUE ME!! I want to make this essay as strong as possible. PLEASE pick on me!! Evaluate a...
Undergraduatekdelaney - Oct 24, 2011 / — -
|'Special Friends program' - Common App- Extracurricular Activity
2 - This is extremely well-put together and powerful but I think your intro could be made a little bit more...
Undergraduatekdelaney - Oct 24, 2011 / coexistential - Oct 24, 2011
|Evaluate a risk you have taken (asking a girl to a dance): CommonApp Prompt
Undergraduateymivyswimmer - Oct 22, 2011 / coexistential - Oct 24, 2011
|'In the summer' - How did you first learn about Wagner College?
2 - "Who would ever know that getting lost is a good thing?" "Who would have ever known that getting lost...
Undergraduatesarahadams - Oct 24, 2011 / tdupree - Oct 24, 2011
|'the process of choosing my qualifications' - Difficulty making an important decision
2 - Is this for the common app? The essay should be between 250-700 words. With your first sentence, try to...
UndergraduateCat0687 - Oct 24, 2011 / kdelaney - Oct 24, 2011
|'he thinks I'm smart' - significant person- common app essay
NEW - hi, this is my first draft. WARNING: I am terrible at conventions D: I need ALOT of help with...
Undergraduatehanh1109 - Oct 24, 2011 / — -
|"What the Heck Theory" - Stanford Letter to Roommate Essay
Undergraduateannnyau - Oct 24, 2011 / listix - Oct 24, 2011
|Diverse lifestyle and how VCU will benefit me -- VCU Personal Statement
UndergraduateFBWP12 - Oct 24, 2011 / sarahadams - Oct 24, 2011
|"I've lived a lie for sixteen years." - Common App Essay: A New Life
3 - I'll start a little further back. I think this could be removed or you should change it a bit....
UndergraduateLucasAuraelius - Oct 24, 2011 / listix - Oct 24, 2011
|UF Essay - NEED HELP WITH TOPIC (they're looking for an uplifting essay?)
Undergraduateviennamorelli - Oct 24, 2011 / daniel44992 - Oct 24, 2011
|'Union Jacks and colonial flags' - Common App
Undergraduateckpckp1994 - Oct 23, 2011 / daniel44992 - Oct 24, 2011
|'waiting for the outcome of the game show' - WHARTON ESSAY
Undergraduatearthurwu1 - Oct 24, 2011 / arthurwu1 - Oct 24, 2011
|"Number 13" - The impact someone has made on your life and explain how.
6 - Definitely explain like the others said above, how his death and positive energy affected you....
Undergraduatealexmb - Oct 24, 2011 / FBWP12 - Oct 24, 2011
|'Poverty in America and volunteering' - CommonApp Personal Essay Revision
2 - Let me just say, this is the first time I have actually seen someone write from this prompt. As...
Undergraduatemanny12 - Oct 23, 2011 / daniel44992 - Oct 24, 2011
|'I want to study Finance' - University of Illinois at Chicago
3 - Thank you hixtine^^ I will change those small errors. For the lack of explanation, I kinda want to make...
UndergraduateIceforest - Oct 24, 2011 / Iceforest - Oct 24, 2011
|The act on divorcement; my mother is the most incredible woman
Undergraduatehannahtran123 - Oct 22, 2011 / hannahtran123 - Oct 24, 2011
|'Judging a book by its cover' - essay for Wagnar College
Undergraduatesarahadams - Oct 24, 2011 / — -
|And All That Jazz. Michigan Supplement.
Undergraduatefifty8 - Oct 22, 2011 / fifty8 - Oct 24, 2011
|"I choose to worship empathy." - Common App Essay
UndergraduateJessH - Oct 24, 2011 / kate11everett - Oct 24, 2011
|'My uncle is a Colonel in the Air Force' - Air Force Academy Interest Essay
Undergraduatechtrojans1004 - Oct 23, 2011 / JessH - Oct 24, 2011
|'struggling reading defenses' - Common App Supplement Question
2 - Here's a great way to reduce word count, get rid of passive sentences! The best way to do this...
UndergraduateQB5 - Oct 24, 2011 / doortothe - Oct 24, 2011
|CommonApp Essay/Unusual circumstance: Moral ambivalence in a running bus.
2 - First things first, we here on the site need to know what question you are answering with this essay....
Undergraduateleonardjo - Oct 23, 2011 / doortothe - Oct 24, 2011
|"Sounds of Happiness" Common App Essay
UndergraduateIBnerd - Sep 25, 2011 / IBnerd - Oct 24, 2011
|I believe that Pharmacy is a science and art; Personal statement(Clinical Pharmacy)
Undergraduatemisffer - Oct 23, 2011 / ManarN - Oct 24, 2011
|My Family (from Saudi Arabia) Background
8 - beatifully written and touching :) yeah i believe by simply adding words such as 'furthermore' 'in addition' 'subsequently', it...
Undergraduatemishalalzaid - Sep 18, 2011 / isabellaclaudia - Oct 24, 2011
|'Penn will help me thrive' - Supplement to QuestBridge Essay
2 - Hello Arianna, As many know, I am a UPenn graduate. Your essay is great. I enjoyed reading it...
UndergraduateAU0594 - Oct 23, 2011 / admission2012 - Oct 24, 2011
|Personal Experience Essay- A New Sensation- A food essay
2 - well, i agree with you that "small stories in our lives may have a lesson." So what's the lesson...
Undergraduatefiddlearound - Oct 23, 2011 / freekyidea - Oct 24, 2011
|'Life without struggles would be..' - common app
6 - good luck...
UndergraduateJustynaax3 - Oct 20, 2011 / mishalalzaid - Oct 24, 2011
|'defined by my decisions and actions + my father' - UIUC essay
UndergraduateBriana21 - Oct 23, 2011 / ruru530 - Oct 23, 2011
|'born of Chinese descent to major in Chinese' - UC transfer applications
5 - The short time we lived in Singapore made me see everything from a different angleperspective and I gained a...
Undergraduatesally9216 - Oct 9, 2011 / dumi - Oct 23, 2011
|'the best educational experience' - Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech
3 - Thank you so much for the advice. I guess i misunderstood the prompt and focused a little bit too...
UndergraduateartiQlate - Oct 23, 2011 / artiQlate - Oct 23, 2011
|(Earwax, Roommate,Time/relationship) Standford Short Essay
6 - you're a really good write I enjoyed all three of your essays! i too was continually surprised by your...
Undergraduateyihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011 / jennifercapp - Oct 23, 2011
|'to create ideas and innovations' - Why do i want to be an engineer essay
4 - I also enjoyed your incorporation of the panda story to tie in with your essay! the first paragraph, however,...
Undergraduatevittoriopanda - Oct 23, 2011 / jennifercapp - Oct 23, 2011
|Mono, and Diversity. (Boulder Essays)
Undergraduatekevin12345 - Oct 23, 2011 / artiQlate - Oct 23, 2011
|'I considered myself to be undiscovered' - someone who impacted my life
3 - Thanks for your remark, but could you please expand on what you mean by unselfish, I really don't want...
UndergraduateKenneth - Oct 23, 2011 / Kenneth - Oct 23, 2011
|'I motivate myself' - St. Johns-short description
Undergraduatelnddancer - Oct 23, 2011 / lnddancer - Oct 23, 2011
|Baile Folklorico - Common App-Expand on Extracurricular
2 - Wow, I love the chain reaction idea, very clever transition. I do think you need to expound more on...
Undergraduatesourwatermelon - Oct 23, 2011 / capriciousprite - Oct 23, 2011
|Stanford - Intellectual Vitality (learning), Roomate (redneck) What Matters to You
6 - I really like you intellectual vitality essay, I too, love to blog! it really shows your learning experience and...
UndergraduateLeeD - Oct 6, 2011 / jennifercapp - Oct 23, 2011
|'The Wit of Writers' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality Supplement
3 - I like your approach on the prompt - it's certainly a unique one. I admire you for that. However,...
Undergraduateetron - Oct 10, 2011 / jennifercapp - Oct 23, 2011
|"A Hero who is making a difference" admission
Undergraduatemiggyp - Oct 23, 2011 / miggyp - Oct 23, 2011
|'Not following my brother's path' - Common App Personal Statement
2 - I think the last sentence in the second paragraph is very awkward and you can do without it. ...
Undergraduateblankm2 - Oct 23, 2011 / Reeny - Oct 23, 2011
|'a supportive and structured environment' - Northwestern Statement
3 - "She told me that because of Northwestern's prestige and standing in the scientific community, the government funds the school...
Undergraduatechadbinghay - Oct 23, 2011 / tylrrvera - Oct 23, 2011
|"Helping at the hospital" - Volunteer Activity - Common App
3 - Thank you. :) Well, I didn't really help much with patients directly, so I was kind of implying that...
Undergraduategganga - Oct 23, 2011 / gganga - Oct 23, 2011
|'Being a member of PALs' - Apply Texas-Common App
5 - Being a member of PALs has given me opportunities that I would have not had otherwise. PALs is an...
Undergraduatelnddancer - Oct 23, 2011 / lnddancer - Oct 23, 2011
|'fascination with how we heal' - Northwestern Supplement
Undergraduateskylerb - Oct 23, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
|'Teaching swimming lessons' - Common App Short Answer -- Extracurricular Activity
3 - Actually, for correct grammar, not only NEEDS to be followed by a "but also" Teaching swimming lessons with Special...
Undergraduatelovewater16 - Oct 22, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
|'interest in biology and chemistry' - UMCP early action admission
UndergraduateSLyn - Oct 22, 2011 / SLyn - Oct 23, 2011
|'yearbook staff' - University of Florida
2 - I would suggest giving some examples of the things that you learned though year book and how they would...
UndergraduateSkiesSoBlue07 - Oct 23, 2011 / jessjess8877 - Oct 23, 2011
|An architecture to be - UC ESSAY (help)
Undergraduatetherresashannen - Oct 23, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
|"More than I expected" - Princeton Summer Essay
3 - Sorry, I'm gonna be brutal, but can you make the intro more interesting and ramble a little less? I...
Undergraduatedaniel44992 - Oct 22, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
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