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|UPenn Short Essay - Life is like a piano
Undergraduatewongyyd - Oct 21, 2011 / wongyyd - Oct 22, 2011
|Turkey Lady Essay Influential Person?
Undergraduatephands - Oct 16, 2011 / phands - Oct 22, 2011
|'American citizen with Chinese blood in my veins' - UMD Essay culture duality
3 - I really like your essay. But I think it will be better if you can probably replace "or something...
Undergraduatecapriciousprite - Oct 21, 2011 / amyk8525 - Oct 21, 2011
|"'Moving' Towards Success"-- Stanford Supplement on Academics
3 - Thanks for the input! The title's pretty unimportant as there is no place for one in the application itself,...
UndergraduateZeugma - Oct 21, 2011 / Zeugma - Oct 21, 2011
|'optimistic, musical geek who can cook' Stanford Roommate
UndergraduateZeugma - Oct 18, 2011 / capriciousprite - Oct 21, 2011
|'a job tutoring at Legacy Christian Middle School' - short answer
3 - I contemplated quitting; until one day, I showed up five minutes late. And I would rewrite the second...
Undergraduatekatebrown - Oct 20, 2011 / Zeugma - Oct 21, 2011
|Essay describing experiences that led to my decision to enter a health field
Undergraduatepremed123 - Oct 12, 2011 / premed123 - Oct 21, 2011
|'Opening Doors' - UT Austin A: Person Who Influences You
UndergraduateRRRakolnikov - Oct 20, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 21, 2011
|"I have a dream" - NYU elaborate on an academic area of interest
UndergraduateNYUgrl - Oct 21, 2011 / vgrommes - Oct 21, 2011
|'67% is worth the lessons' - Personal Statement for Williams
2 - My friend in personal statements, you should always focus on your strengths. You should mention the bright aspect of...
UndergraduateLosetpo - Oct 21, 2011 / Mideo29 - Oct 21, 2011
|'One father, one teacher' - a person who has influenced you in a significant way
2 - clear expressions, simple language, a very interesting and engaging piece. honestly couldn't find anything wrong with any paragraph. Well...
UndergraduatePaul Jo - Oct 20, 2011 / juzy - Oct 21, 2011
|'Initially disappointed with physics' - Common app for Upenn
7 - I actually had no problem understanding the theme of the essay, and I think your theme is very good....
Undergraduatefineboy - Oct 20, 2011 / Mohaimin - Oct 21, 2011
|'when my mother picked up the phone...' - NYU Dramatic Story
2 - Great story and language. English is also not my first language, so i can relate to how hard it...
Undergraduatekonfudunk - Oct 20, 2011 / AzharyN1 - Oct 21, 2011
|Sticks and stones - Common App
Undergraduatehslakaal - Oct 11, 2011 / hslakaal - Oct 21, 2011
|Why NYU AD - where to start?
3 - Some sentences sound a bit vague, try being more precise. For example, "Or I could meticulously paraphrase the numerous...
UndergraduateNYUgrl - Oct 21, 2011 / AzharyN1 - Oct 21, 2011
|Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it.-UChicago prompt.
Undergraduatehuyhoang131 - Oct 20, 2011 / Big Z - Oct 21, 2011
|Unusual circumstances in my life: Moral ambivalence in a running bus -CommonApp Essay
2 - The second half of the essay, that is, the reaction of the old lady, really surprised me, and your...
Undergraduateleonardjo - Oct 20, 2011 / fineboy - Oct 20, 2011
|"Auto-didact" My Commonapp Essay
Undergraduatebeabeababy - Oct 20, 2011 / Liebe - Oct 20, 2011
|'My job at Staples and its wonderful influence' - CommonApp short answer
2 - ^Grammatically suggests that you were your first job... Fix this? ^Questionable relevance to your work experience....
UndergraduateFiorentinaFan - Oct 20, 2011 / Liebe - Oct 20, 2011
|'science and mathematics': Rice Perspective Gained From A Unique Writing Experience
3 - Nice experience to share! However, I would suggest that you focus on the writting for PureMTGO.com part, and delete...
UndergraduateBlueBlaze - Oct 20, 2011 / ljxlrdjxdr - Oct 20, 2011
|'inspired with my own dealings with pain' - Cornell supplement (CALS)
Undergraduateginger3694 - Oct 20, 2011 / ginger3694 - Oct 20, 2011
|'the Redwall series + NAS' - UChicago, favorite books and music
3 - Nice catch, I was so worried about the substance that I didn't look at the start of my paragraphs....
UndergraduateBig Z - Oct 20, 2011 / Big Z - Oct 20, 2011
|Mr. Pulley - Which of your current or previous teachers do you admire most, and why?
Undergraduateflipwhit - Oct 20, 2011 / flipwhit - Oct 20, 2011
|A Vision [Finally] Revealed - Transfer Student Essay
3 - jennifercapp, thanks! I actually don't want people to get that vibe and didn't notice until you pointed it out....
Undergraduatejinjusarang - Oct 19, 2011 / jinjusarang - Oct 20, 2011
|biology has become an integral part of my life; Stydy plan: plant genetics
Undergraduatemegiacodon - Oct 16, 2011 / megiacodon - Oct 20, 2011
|'Coming from a privileged suburban family' - UW-Madison Statement
UndergraduateDman00033 - Oct 19, 2011 / Dman00033 - Oct 20, 2011
|"lesson of responsibility and humility" - a person who has influenced you
4 - Nice work Arnold! Though your essay is kind of short, but I think it's well organized and fully reflect...
Undergraduatealcy2793 - Sep 25, 2011 / leonardjo - Oct 20, 2011
|The day my career ended : My physical and emotional struggle
2 - I think your essay is very well organized. You've succeeded in developing your idea step by step in a...
UndergraduateJlucoff - Oct 20, 2011 / leonardjo - Oct 20, 2011
|'never missed the school bus' - Tufts and common app 'a long division question'
NEW - Hey guys!! I need help critiquing these essays on their style as well as whether they effectively answer the...
Undergraduatenamato - Oct 20, 2011 / — -
|Focus- What matters to you and why? stanford sup
2 - Hi there Dimitris...I like your essay, though and let me be honest, I feel like you have not really...
UndergraduateDimitris - Oct 20, 2011 / namato - Oct 20, 2011
|'compared to an encyclopedia' - influential object in your life, how it affected you
3 - 1...but I find the comparison fitting ---> fit 2. From as early as I can remember---> as far as...
Undergraduatejthess - Oct 19, 2011 / hugh_ng - Oct 20, 2011
|"Is hostel life new to you?" - Stanford Supplementary Essay - Note to Roommate
5 - Very good--honest, open, and gives great insight about your personality and background. The above suggestions are good; they mostly...
Undergraduateiluvafjk - Oct 15, 2011 / etron - Oct 20, 2011
|'the Economic Cooperation Framework Agreement' university of Washington, events
3 - mvlauria94 Thank you so much "mvlauria94"!!! I very appreciate your help!!! And also thanks for the prompt reply~...
Undergraduateyu191119 - Oct 19, 2011 / yu191119 - Oct 20, 2011
|'Environmental Association' - Common App Extracurricular Essay
2 - Twenty cats meowed and approached me as I entered the cat shelter of KARA (Korea Animal Rescue Association). ...
Undergraduateamyk8525 - Oct 19, 2011 / jayelectrolosis - Oct 20, 2011
|'I love reading' - Stanford short essay question
6 - Yeah, the last part is very unnecessary. It's also too straightforward. But maybe they'll like that since everyone tries...
UndergraduateRRTM - Oct 19, 2011 / jayelectrolosis - Oct 20, 2011
|'Fred Ellis: a simple name and a simple man' - Influential Person
4 - Interesting person to write about! But I guess you need to focus more on the way Fred has changed...
Undergraduatekatebrown - Oct 19, 2011 / ljxlrdjxdr - Oct 20, 2011
|'it was great that a freshmen would be a leader' - Short Answer on Common App
5 - Thank you zeugma! Harsh is what turns rough drafts into finish products! I really appreciate it! :]...
Undergraduatekatebrown - Oct 18, 2011 / katebrown - Oct 19, 2011
|Is this a computer? Common app- topic of your choice!
2 - You need to focus more on yourself. You seem to be just lecturing on computers. Explain more on how...
Undergraduatecallmeapple - Oct 19, 2011 / NotAnAccount - Oct 19, 2011
|Playground of The Gods- Common App Personal Statement on Roller Coasters
3 - Thanks, this is being sent to a school that I believe has a sense of humor that will appreciate...
Undergraduateadammorton11 - Oct 17, 2011 / adammorton11 - Oct 19, 2011
|'Growing up with an eccentric cast of characters' - UMichigan Supplement
Undergraduateppbonbon - Oct 17, 2011 / ppbonbon - Oct 19, 2011
|'in the working class' - What community you come from University of Michigan
UndergraduateStrappingyl - Oct 16, 2011 / Strappingyl - Oct 19, 2011
|'my family has only one child just like most Chinese families' significant experience
NEW - Hi, this is my first time posting. Any comments are welcome. Thanks a lot. Topic: evaluate a significant...
Undergraduatemanchurin - Oct 19, 2011 / — -
|'look for new groups to jam with' - letter to your future dormmate
2 - Skip the small-talk and don't ask me, "What is your favorite genre of music?"---This immediately pegs you as a...
Undergraduatedemitrin - Oct 18, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 19, 2011
|"Drawing portraits" JHU supplement:something about yourself or your interests
2 - Yes, I do portray people as S uperman or Spiderman and create comics, just for fun. Having to...
Undergraduateljxlrdjxdr - Oct 18, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 19, 2011
|'searching the New Mexico landscape' - University of Arizona Honors
2 - ... I was able to make out more detail and see the Y-formation visible in the pictures. After...
Undergraduatechucknorris_314 - Oct 17, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 19, 2011
|'It is not easy to be an engineer' - Common App Essay
3 - Thanks for the suggestion! I'm still working on it, and have made a lot of changes since I posted...
Undergraduatepolaris - Oct 18, 2011 / polaris - Oct 19, 2011
|'basketball became an integral part of my life' - UC Personal Statement
3 - Yeah I was struggling with a catchy introduction, but as soon as I wrote my body paragraph, the rest...
Undergraduatekimmanlangit - Oct 19, 2011 / kimmanlangit - Oct 19, 2011
|'Soccer field' - Uva: Discuss your favorite place to get lost.
NEW - High school is a crazy, stressful place that barely gives you a second to breathe. There's always a project,...
Undergraduatesoccerhoo1 - Oct 19, 2011 / — -
|'Academics and community' - Duke Supplement (If you are applying to Trinity College)
3 - Hello Kevin, What about the use of language? Is it OK to use the colloquial language or formal...
Undergraduatecallmeapple - Oct 19, 2011 / callmeapple - Oct 19, 2011
|My struggle with perfection- Common Application essay
2 - Insightful!! Your essay has taught me a great lesson, because i am struggling with my imperfection as well, and...
Undergraduateruru530 - Oct 19, 2011 / ljxlrdjxdr - Oct 19, 2011
|Eassy on career best achievement & how was it achieved?
Undergraduateruhulrony - Oct 18, 2011 / waldo01 - Oct 19, 2011
|'if I was surrounded by educational toys...' - Common App on Literary Work
UndergraduateSteven2142 - Oct 17, 2011 / saxiibo10 - Oct 18, 2011
|"Drawing portraits for others" - Common App Short Answer
7 - As I awaited the task at hand, I nervously tapped my pencil on the table.With no time to spare,...
Undergraduateinverselogic - Oct 16, 2011 / allergic2ya - Oct 18, 2011
|'weeks and months of running' - Common Application: Extracurricular Activity
Undergraduatecrysblade125 - Oct 15, 2011 / allergic2ya - Oct 18, 2011
|"Moving to the Sunshine State" - University of Florida application
NEW - In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment...
Undergraduateamysticalbird - Oct 18, 2011 / — -
|'free tickets for this Sunday's concert' - a significant risk Malcaulay honors
Undergraduatemichaelw0427 - Oct 18, 2011 / michaelw0427 - Oct 18, 2011
|'to take on a more "American" last name' - University of Michigan Community
7 - Thanks you so much inverselogic. I loved the ideas and took many of the :] Here's my revised version....
Undergraduatekatebrown - Oct 15, 2011 / katebrown - Oct 18, 2011
|How did you spend your last two summers? Princeton supplement
2 - ^Boring. Remove in my opinion. You make several basic grammar errors as well. Proof read and you...
UndergraduatePaul Jo - Oct 18, 2011 / Liebe - Oct 18, 2011
|'to train at the Saudi Investment Bank' - elaborate on one of your activities
3 - You need to work out some grammar issues, but other than that it is pretty good. The sentence: "the...
Undergraduatemajed24 - Oct 17, 2011 / polaris - Oct 18, 2011
|"Be a leader, not a follower." - FSU
5 - Hello, Your essay received a computer generated score of 52/100(see photo attachment) and an editor reviewed score of...
Undergraduatecollegebound93 - Oct 17, 2011 / admission2012 - Oct 18, 2011
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