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|Focus- What matters to you and why? stanford sup
2 - Hi there Dimitris...I like your essay, though and let me be honest, I feel like you have not really...
UndergraduateDimitris - Oct 20, 2011 / namato - Oct 20, 2011
|'compared to an encyclopedia' - influential object in your life, how it affected you
3 - 1...but I find the comparison fitting ---> fit 2. From as early as I can remember---> as far as...
Undergraduatejthess - Oct 19, 2011 / hugh_ng - Oct 20, 2011
|"Is hostel life new to you?" - Stanford Supplementary Essay - Note to Roommate
5 - Very good--honest, open, and gives great insight about your personality and background. The above suggestions are good; they mostly...
Undergraduateiluvafjk - Oct 15, 2011 / etron - Oct 20, 2011
|'the Economic Cooperation Framework Agreement' university of Washington, events
3 - mvlauria94 Thank you so much "mvlauria94"!!! I very appreciate your help!!! And also thanks for the prompt reply~...
Undergraduateyu191119 - Oct 19, 2011 / yu191119 - Oct 20, 2011
|'Environmental Association' - Common App Extracurricular Essay
2 - Twenty cats meowed and approached me as I entered the cat shelter of KARA (Korea Animal Rescue Association). ...
Undergraduateamyk8525 - Oct 19, 2011 / jayelectrolosis - Oct 20, 2011
|'I love reading' - Stanford short essay question
6 - Yeah, the last part is very unnecessary. It's also too straightforward. But maybe they'll like that since everyone tries...
UndergraduateRRTM - Oct 19, 2011 / jayelectrolosis - Oct 20, 2011
|'Fred Ellis: a simple name and a simple man' - Influential Person
4 - Interesting person to write about! But I guess you need to focus more on the way Fred has changed...
Undergraduatekatebrown - Oct 19, 2011 / ljxlrdjxdr - Oct 20, 2011
|'it was great that a freshmen would be a leader' - Short Answer on Common App
5 - Thank you zeugma! Harsh is what turns rough drafts into finish products! I really appreciate it! :]...
Undergraduatekatebrown - Oct 18, 2011 / katebrown - Oct 19, 2011
|Is this a computer? Common app- topic of your choice!
2 - You need to focus more on yourself. You seem to be just lecturing on computers. Explain more on how...
Undergraduatecallmeapple - Oct 19, 2011 / NotAnAccount - Oct 19, 2011
|Playground of The Gods- Common App Personal Statement on Roller Coasters
3 - Thanks, this is being sent to a school that I believe has a sense of humor that will appreciate...
Undergraduateadammorton11 - Oct 17, 2011 / adammorton11 - Oct 19, 2011
|'Growing up with an eccentric cast of characters' - UMichigan Supplement
Undergraduateppbonbon - Oct 17, 2011 / ppbonbon - Oct 19, 2011
|'in the working class' - What community you come from University of Michigan
UndergraduateStrappingyl - Oct 16, 2011 / Strappingyl - Oct 19, 2011
|'my family has only one child just like most Chinese families' significant experience
NEW - Hi, this is my first time posting. Any comments are welcome. Thanks a lot. Topic: evaluate a significant...
Undergraduatemanchurin - Oct 19, 2011 / — -
|'look for new groups to jam with' - letter to your future dormmate
2 - Skip the small-talk and don't ask me, "What is your favorite genre of music?"---This immediately pegs you as a...
Undergraduatedemitrin - Oct 18, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 19, 2011
|"Drawing portraits" JHU supplement:something about yourself or your interests
2 - Yes, I do portray people as S uperman or Spiderman and create comics, just for fun. Having to...
Undergraduateljxlrdjxdr - Oct 18, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 19, 2011
|'searching the New Mexico landscape' - University of Arizona Honors
2 - ... I was able to make out more detail and see the Y-formation visible in the pictures. After...
Undergraduatechucknorris_314 - Oct 17, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 19, 2011
|'It is not easy to be an engineer' - Common App Essay
3 - Thanks for the suggestion! I'm still working on it, and have made a lot of changes since I posted...
Undergraduatepolaris - Oct 18, 2011 / polaris - Oct 19, 2011
|'basketball became an integral part of my life' - UC Personal Statement
3 - Yeah I was struggling with a catchy introduction, but as soon as I wrote my body paragraph, the rest...
Undergraduatekimmanlangit - Oct 19, 2011 / kimmanlangit - Oct 19, 2011
|'Soccer field' - Uva: Discuss your favorite place to get lost.
NEW - High school is a crazy, stressful place that barely gives you a second to breathe. There's always a project,...
Undergraduatesoccerhoo1 - Oct 19, 2011 / — -
|'Academics and community' - Duke Supplement (If you are applying to Trinity College)
3 - Hello Kevin, What about the use of language? Is it OK to use the colloquial language or formal...
Undergraduatecallmeapple - Oct 19, 2011 / callmeapple - Oct 19, 2011
|My struggle with perfection- Common Application essay
2 - Insightful!! Your essay has taught me a great lesson, because i am struggling with my imperfection as well, and...
Undergraduateruru530 - Oct 19, 2011 / ljxlrdjxdr - Oct 19, 2011
|Eassy on career best achievement & how was it achieved?
Undergraduateruhulrony - Oct 18, 2011 / waldo01 - Oct 19, 2011
|'if I was surrounded by educational toys...' - Common App on Literary Work
UndergraduateSteven2142 - Oct 17, 2011 / saxiibo10 - Oct 18, 2011
|"Drawing portraits for others" - Common App Short Answer
7 - As I awaited the task at hand, I nervously tapped my pencil on the table.With no time to spare,...
Undergraduateinverselogic - Oct 16, 2011 / allergic2ya - Oct 18, 2011
|'weeks and months of running' - Common Application: Extracurricular Activity
Undergraduatecrysblade125 - Oct 15, 2011 / allergic2ya - Oct 18, 2011
|"Moving to the Sunshine State" - University of Florida application
NEW - In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment...
Undergraduateamysticalbird - Oct 18, 2011 / — -
|'free tickets for this Sunday's concert' - a significant risk Malcaulay honors
Undergraduatemichaelw0427 - Oct 18, 2011 / michaelw0427 - Oct 18, 2011
|'to take on a more "American" last name' - University of Michigan Community
7 - Thanks you so much inverselogic. I loved the ideas and took many of the :] Here's my revised version....
Undergraduatekatebrown - Oct 15, 2011 / katebrown - Oct 18, 2011
|How did you spend your last two summers? Princeton supplement
2 - ^Boring. Remove in my opinion. You make several basic grammar errors as well. Proof read and you...
UndergraduatePaul Jo - Oct 18, 2011 / Liebe - Oct 18, 2011
|'to train at the Saudi Investment Bank' - elaborate on one of your activities
3 - You need to work out some grammar issues, but other than that it is pretty good. The sentence: "the...
Undergraduatemajed24 - Oct 17, 2011 / polaris - Oct 18, 2011
|"Be a leader, not a follower." - FSU
5 - Hello, Your essay received a computer generated score of 52/100(see photo attachment) and an editor reviewed score of...
Undergraduatecollegebound93 - Oct 17, 2011 / admission2012 - Oct 18, 2011
|"Functionality vs. Function" - Princeton Enginneering Essay
3 - Hello, Your essay received a computer generated grade of 48/100(see photo) and an editor assigned grade of 55/100....
Undergraduatedaniel44992 - Oct 17, 2011 / admission2012 - Oct 18, 2011
|Choir is not just about singing (talent, quality)
4 - HIi, its a very good, just some pointers Choir is basically what shaped my character into who I...
Undergraduated2h4 - Sep 25, 2011 / waldo01 - Oct 18, 2011
|Issue, DREAM Act - CommonApp essay
Undergraduatenyannyannyan - Oct 17, 2011 / NeonGhost - Oct 18, 2011
|'theatre, band, or athletics - not easy for me' - UC Prompts
3 - You should give more details about the challenges you overcame in water polo. you make losing 30 pounds sound...
Undergraduatesaraamen - Oct 17, 2011 / NeonGhost - Oct 18, 2011
|'Manage a company, America and China' - College of Agriculture and Life Sciences
3 - So get a piece of paper. take all of your potential essay topics (your experiences) and write every major...
Undergraduateszheng - Oct 5, 2011 / NeonGhost - Oct 18, 2011
|'to wonder how things work' - University of Pennsylvania Supplement
Undergraduatedisaznboii19148 - Oct 17, 2011 / admission2012 - Oct 18, 2011
|'Growing up in Venezuela' - Boston university United Nations
2 - Growing up in Venezuela, I learned about all the cultural riches thatrich cultural heritage of my country provided ;...
Undergraduatemvlauria94 - Oct 17, 2011 / dumi - Oct 18, 2011
|Conversation b/w a Jesuit and f. scott fitzgerald on humanity -Purdue Undergrad Essay
3 - I made a point to include your suggestions in the final product. Thank you so much for the feedback!...
Undergraduaterugger457 - Oct 9, 2011 / rugger457 - Oct 17, 2011
|Le Petit Prince - inspiring work of music, literature, or art
2 - I really enjoyed your essay but the second paragraph confused me slightly when you went from grasping the book...
Undergraduateshelbymlawson - Oct 17, 2011 / Manda4564 - Oct 17, 2011
|'quality is learning' - Florida State Admissions Essay
2 - try to include more examples of learning, maybe use examples of a famous person to support your statements and...
UndergraduateManda4564 - Oct 17, 2011 / mvlauria94 - Oct 17, 2011
|'we can grow and learn' - Babson Supplement - Letter to Roomate
Undergraduatemvlauria94 - Oct 17, 2011 / Manda4564 - Oct 17, 2011
|Around Every Corner - Common App Diversity Essay
2 - Having always loved the sciences, I've often found myself thinking about how interesting it was that even though all...
Undergraduatekabertolet - Oct 16, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 17, 2011
|"Tennis; maybe I'll beat him for once" - Common App Extracurricular
UndergraduatePrimeTime309 - Oct 16, 2011 / PrimeTime309 - Oct 17, 2011
|'The Lamorinda community' - UC: Where you come from
3 - Hello, This is a very pompous essay to say the least. Although you accurately talk about where you...
Undergraduatesunwoo112 - Oct 17, 2011 / admission2012 - Oct 17, 2011
|Leadership - What makes you a unique individual (UConn Admission)
NEW - The question is "Please describe what makes you a unique individual and how these qualities can benefit the University...
UndergraduateKmacri12 - Oct 17, 2011 / — -
|'Becoming a lawyer' - FSU COLLEGE ESSAY
2 - 1...becoming part of volunteer programs that had me intrigued---> made me intrigued. 2...make a massive change ---> make an...
UndergraduateKarinaaesp - Oct 16, 2011 / hugh_ng - Oct 17, 2011
|'dealing with my mom's Alzheimer's' (someone influantial) - college essay
2 - 1....What if she has been diagnosed sooner---> ...had been... 2....She had strong opinions about my hairstyle ---> ( I...
Undergraduater0400293 - Oct 15, 2011 / hugh_ng - Oct 17, 2011
|My something = online store - UMCP essay (~300words)
2 - this is nicely written. the only thing i might suggest is to have an intoductory sentence/paragraph. Something in the...
Undergraduatetleeoh - Oct 14, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 17, 2011
|'A guest visited our Pirate School' - Common App extracurricular short answer
NEW - One day, an extraordinary guest visited our Pirate School. It was an aged gentleman wearing a hat down close...
Undergraduateeastring - Oct 17, 2011 / — -
|'a confident girl I am now' - UC freshman essay
UndergraduateDidi94 - Oct 16, 2011 / ali_alqaisy93 - Oct 16, 2011
|'the rolling waves of the ocean' - meaningful event Florida admissions
3 - Ok, so i read this earlier and really like the way this was written, but just couldn't get over...
Undergraduatedanielladelucia - Oct 16, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 16, 2011
|'to share their wonderful experiences' - Carleton College Supplemental
Undergraduatemrubinstein - Oct 16, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 16, 2011
|"Why Physics: the basis of everything in this universe" - University of Michigan
NEW - Prompt:Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual...
UndergraduateTiti - Oct 16, 2011 / — -
|'Coming from Peru' - Upenn Suplement
2 - The Huntsman Program and the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business will not only provide the strongest foundation...
Undergraduatejorgeb05 - Oct 16, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 16, 2011
|"An American Persian Jew raised in America" - University of Florida Undergrad Essay
3 - Maybe you should tie up the ending with: Language and the UF (like being able to volunteer to translate...
Undergraduateyurika888 - Oct 16, 2011 / Keerthika2014 - Oct 16, 2011
|Major: Psychology - My Interest in Psychology ( UC Transfer)
UndergraduateKeerthika2014 - Oct 15, 2011 / Keerthika2014 - Oct 16, 2011
|"I'm going to beat this" Common App, significant experience and it's influence on you
Undergraduatecasemarie - Oct 16, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 16, 2011
|'Science Olympiad' - Common App Extracurricular Box - Short Answer
2 - Good essay; I think you can keep most of what you have written, but here are a few suggestions:...
UndergraduateAabesh - Oct 16, 2011 / inverselogic - Oct 16, 2011
|'after Katie Murray passed away' - UNC Supplement - A time when you failed.
2 - I will never forget the day after Katie Murray passed away. It was only hours after learning the news...
Undergraduatecasemarie - Oct 16, 2011 / katebrown - Oct 16, 2011
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