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|'As a student athlete' - PT application Essay
UndergraduateBballa25 - Oct 13, 2011 / Bballa25 - Oct 13, 2011
|'aspired to contribute to my work' - admission for rutgers
NEW - Throughout my life I have always aspired to contribute to my work. Whether this was school, sports, or a...
Undergraduatextunitx - Oct 13, 2011 / — -
|Yale Is A Match Made in Heaven. Short answer to the why yale question.
2 - My dream college is one where I would be excited to go to lectures because of my shared passion...
UndergraduateRechy - Oct 12, 2011 / premed123 - Oct 13, 2011
|FSU Essay: leadership, learning, service, and global awareness; baseball player
4 - Thank you :)...
Undergraduatedkoos7 - Oct 12, 2011 / dkoos7 - Oct 13, 2011
|Interest in how money flow - why you are transfering and your objectives to achieve
Undergraduateoscarlpf1 - Oct 13, 2011 / reidabook - Oct 13, 2011
|Why am I taking a Gap Year- Common App
UndergraduateDMA17 - Oct 12, 2011 / Rechy - Oct 13, 2011
|'I can manage time efficiently' - My personal statement
Undergraduatedinkysana - Oct 13, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 13, 2011
|'the four hundred meters athlete' - extracurricular activities or work experience
4 - You didn't exactly use some of the corrections that I made, reread what I wrote, and rewrite it again...
Undergraduateyungtszwing - Oct 11, 2011 / Editor1010 - Oct 13, 2011
|"My Quest for the Perfect Reed.....and Acceptance" - common app
10 - Love it! you will deffinitly stand out with this essay! so differnent from other ones i have read! Honestly...
Undergraduatelywillis - Aug 11, 2011 / r0400293 - Oct 13, 2011
|Getting kicked out of Dance - Common App Essay
Undergraduatetrishhha - Oct 12, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 13, 2011
|"My left and right feet" - essay advice for UM
2 - when addressing the left and right foot separately, use "foot", the singular for "feet". "I recently realized that...
Undergraduatereahyun - Oct 13, 2011 / abhilasha12 - Oct 13, 2011
|"Fifteen Seconds" Influential Person Essay - ApplyTexas Essay Topic A
4 - Overall, I'd say it's a good essay. However, I do have some suggested changes. First, what does the title...
Undergraduatetrevorberry - Sep 2, 2011 / katmandu0071 - Oct 13, 2011
|'The Dreamcast for Christmas' - UC Describe the world you come from...
2 - Living in the suburbs of Southern California's Inland Empire, I had always felt enclosed in the distant mountains that...
UndergraduateArcanox - Oct 11, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 13, 2011
|'science in all of its many forms' - Personal and Professional Goals
2 - Moreover, it has struck me that it is taken for granted far too frequently. The practical applications for...
UndergraduateMute Math - Oct 11, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 13, 2011
|a new world- a new perspective (the world you come from)
NEW - Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how...
Undergraduatesohab6 - Oct 13, 2011 / — -
|UC 'passion for medicine' - aspirations and dreams
3 - Please critic my second essay UC Prompt 2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or...
Undergraduateprincessgurl52 - Oct 10, 2011 / princessgurl52 - Oct 13, 2011
|'to stand by my decisions and promises' Common app: evaluate a significant experience
2 - I really enjoyed reading your essay. You have excellent writing skills and a very philosophical writing style. I only...
Undergraduatechristopherpeng - Oct 13, 2011 / dumi - Oct 13, 2011
|Going to concerts- Common App short essay
5 - The essay is very well-written, but I agree that it isn't an "extracurricular." However, the thing that stands...
Undergraduatelolo12 - Oct 10, 2011 / katmandu0071 - Oct 12, 2011
|'My lovely grandma is now eighty-four' - influential person
NEW - I remember the two striking images from the afternoon I left my country last year. The first image is...
Undergraduateyungtszwing - Oct 12, 2011 / — -
|'opportunity to head overseas' - FSU essay, I have a start
Undergraduateqazwsxd - Oct 9, 2011 / qazwsxd - Oct 12, 2011
|disability center - Common APP extracurricular Paragraph
Undergraduategirlzshu - Oct 10, 2011 / girlzshu - Oct 12, 2011
|'I had every materialistic thing' - personal information college essay
2 - I think the subject is appropriate enough, though you may want to add something that has to do with...
Undergraduater0400293 - Oct 12, 2011 / gettysberg - Oct 12, 2011
|'the incredible environment around me' - UCF application
NEW - If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain...
Undergraduategettysberg - Oct 12, 2011 / — -
|Art Institute Essay for audio production career goal
Undergraduatechris23 - Oct 10, 2011 / r0400293 - Oct 12, 2011
|"You cannot buy a heart at Wal-Mart!" - Princeton significant person
Undergraduatejjmagic7 - Oct 12, 2011 / — -
|UCF (the mosquito) obstacle and (somewhat-close to home) why did you apply
UndergraduateMidnightSkies50 - Oct 6, 2011 / jjmagic7 - Oct 12, 2011
|'Teach me. Help me grow. Give me the tools.' - Carnegie Mellon
Undergraduategprs14 - Oct 12, 2011 / — -
|'when my family broke' - VT short answer
Undergraduatebbrunette312 - Sep 26, 2011 / Editor1010 - Oct 12, 2011
|'I watched my mom change her life' - Nursing essay
NEW - Any corrections or advice would be greatly appreciated! There are many reasons why the nursing profession entices me....
Undergraduateechatham - Oct 12, 2011 / — -
|Extracurricular Activity Common App Essay - Debate Team (1000 words)
UndergraduateSlothgrip - Oct 9, 2011 / Slothgrip - Oct 12, 2011
|'overshadowing my yearly summer vacation' - Princeton Supplement
4 - Okay. Maybe my computer is just being dumb. It said it was over. But hey, that's what poorly-funded boarding...
UndergraduateJessH - Oct 11, 2011 / Lovemedoosie - Oct 12, 2011
|'How My New School Has Changed Me' - Common App Essay
2 - hi on your fifth paragraph i think you could rewrite it. What I mean is instead of of likening...
UndergraduateHopefulOne - Oct 10, 2011 / Mortimer - Oct 12, 2011
|"Across Iowa" - Common App Personal
3 - I'll probably submit this essay under "Topic of Your Choice." I agree that I need a more significant ending...
Undergraduatefpw112 - Oct 10, 2011 / fpw112 - Oct 12, 2011
|'nine years I spent in Shanghai' - Washington question
2 - your essay is quite exellent. i think you have specified enough on you being able to adapt to a...
Undergraduatetheredunicorn - Oct 10, 2011 / Mortimer - Oct 12, 2011
|"How Chick-Fil-A has impacted my life" -My Application Essay to University of Florida
4 - Thanks for your advice! I've made the first paragraph smoother and fixed some stuff up here and there, but...
Undergraduatemacybee - Oct 10, 2011 / macybee - Oct 12, 2011
|"I was fourteen and it was Christmastime" - Common App Expereince Essay
4 - Apart from a few grammatical errors this is a good essay. I do agree with Daniel, you should write...
Undergraduatedaniel44992 - Oct 10, 2011 / Mortimer - Oct 12, 2011
|'contact with airplanes' - Stanford intellectually engaging topic essay
UndergraduateDimitris - Oct 8, 2011 / Dimitris - Oct 12, 2011
|"My Bond with Robotics" - Tufts University
2 - Minkyu - Not too bad, but the question you ask at the beginning has an obvious answer (most people...
Undergraduateds01917 - Oct 10, 2011 / EssayExcellence - Oct 12, 2011
|'my trip to Israel 2 years ago' -University of Florida College APP (meaningful event)
2 - Jenna - I appreciate your experience (and have shared it myself, living in Israel) but there is nothing unique...
UndergraduateJennark8 - Oct 10, 2011 / EssayExcellence - Oct 12, 2011
|Grandfather = Influential Person: National Merit Finalist Application Essay
2 - I think it's terrific. "I find it to be my greatest strength, and my most charming character." I am...
UndergraduateAlexisME - Oct 12, 2011 / EricJ - Oct 12, 2011
|'My interest in sign language' - UF Undergrad
Undergraduaterosemarimalu - Oct 5, 2011 / rosemarimalu - Oct 11, 2011
|Jewelry Salesperson Extracurricular experience Common App essay
Undergraduatesushigurl - Oct 9, 2011 / sushigurl - Oct 11, 2011
|"Education is everything" why learning appeals to me the most and why? -FSU admission
2 - A very wise individual once told me, "Education is everything. When you stop learning your mind ceases to grow."...
Undergraduateshayna711 - Oct 11, 2011 / Mute Math - Oct 11, 2011
|Transfer student looking for feedback, thanks
NEW - Hello everyone! Thank you for taking the time out to read my personal statements. I will give you the...
Undergraduateleeabad1 - Oct 11, 2011 / — -
|'My ethnicity is Egyptian' - Inspiration Has Arrived
Undergraduatemahmoudkh - Oct 8, 2011 / mahmoudkh - Oct 11, 2011
|'I value every moment I have each day' - Stanford Supplement - Letter to Roomate
2 - I think you've responded really well to the prompt,given that you have expressed yourself earnestly describing the things in...
Undergraduatealexxlen - Oct 10, 2011 / JessH - Oct 11, 2011
|College Essay about my time spent volunteering in Ghana
2 - Wow, you have a wonderful writer's voice, Roxanne! I think this is really good. I went ahead and made...
Undergraduater_friedman02 - Oct 9, 2011 / Leah_Writer - Oct 11, 2011
|Tutorial Classes in Hong Kong - UTA admission issue of importance
2 - Hello! I think this essay is fine, although there are a few grammar mistakes and things you could clean...
UndergraduateCarmenCM - Oct 9, 2011 / Leah_Writer - Oct 11, 2011
|"Parking! Parking!" - A Thrilling experience I had ever met
Undergraduatepanqizhang - Sep 18, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Oct 11, 2011
|"Army Brat" - UNC- Chapel Hill Common App./ Influential person
5 - God correction here! At the beginning of a sentence (as the subject of the sentence) it is good...
UndergraduateShaysib - Aug 27, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Oct 11, 2011
|'Photography and community motivation' - Lafayette Supplement
2 - Two minor grammatical mistakes Instead of speaking, the club would show. ...which is what has led me... ...of...
Undergraduateimonaroll - Oct 9, 2011 / hslakaal - Oct 11, 2011
|'a tradition rebel in my own little world' - Freshman essay-UC
NEW - Can anyone help me grammar check this? Any suggestion is appreciated. Describe the world you come from -...
Undergraduatedeathgoest - Oct 11, 2011 / — -
|'pizza from Pizza My Heart' - Stanford Supplement "Roommate Letter"
3 - I'll surely change those wordings. Need to be aware of my audiences. Thanks macybee. I'll polish it again and...
UndergraduateRockyFinn - Oct 10, 2011 / RockyFinn - Oct 10, 2011
|'My Dislike for Blood' - UC prompt 2
UndergraduateNnennej - Oct 9, 2011 / Nnennej - Oct 10, 2011
|'A curious and driven person' - U of I Application Essay
Undergraduatenatrose19 - Oct 9, 2011 / Arcaiz - Oct 10, 2011
|'history and culture within my family' - FGCU Admission App
2 - My family's history is very rich and unique compared to the majority of people that I come in contact...
UndergraduateJakubd - Oct 8, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 10, 2011
|"I wrote a letter to the President" UNC supplement
3 - Lovemedoosie. haha sorry, I couldn't leave this alone. You spelled right as 'write.' not to sound arrogant or anything....
Undergraduatetrishhha - Oct 9, 2011 / duke9418 - Oct 10, 2011
|'Age 5 to 18' - learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up
UndergraduateLovemedoosie - Sep 27, 2011 / duke9418 - Oct 10, 2011
|computers and my future - college entrance essay.
Undergraduatemichaelgg13 - Oct 9, 2011 / michaelgg13 - Oct 10, 2011
|"Powerful Force"; For me 'time' is a four letter word, and I hope not to waste yours with this essay
5 - Very cool. My only concern is that the ending is VERY abrupt and is not really developed. I know...
Undergraduatejayzers94 - Oct 9, 2011 / etron - Oct 10, 2011
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