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|'Becoming a lawyer' - FSU COLLEGE ESSAY
2 - 1...becoming part of volunteer programs that had me intrigued---> made me intrigued. 2...make a massive change ---> make an...
UndergraduateKarinaaesp - Oct 16, 2011 / hugh_ng - Oct 17, 2011
|'dealing with my mom's Alzheimer's' (someone influantial) - college essay
2 - 1....What if she has been diagnosed sooner---> ...had been... 2....She had strong opinions about my hairstyle ---> ( I...
Undergraduater0400293 - Oct 15, 2011 / hugh_ng - Oct 17, 2011
|My something = online store - UMCP essay (~300words)
2 - this is nicely written. the only thing i might suggest is to have an intoductory sentence/paragraph. Something in the...
Undergraduatetleeoh - Oct 14, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 17, 2011
|'A guest visited our Pirate School' - Common App extracurricular short answer
NEW - One day, an extraordinary guest visited our Pirate School. It was an aged gentleman wearing a hat down close...
Undergraduateeastring - Oct 17, 2011 / — -
|'a confident girl I am now' - UC freshman essay
UndergraduateDidi94 - Oct 16, 2011 / ali_alqaisy93 - Oct 16, 2011
|'the rolling waves of the ocean' - meaningful event Florida admissions
3 - Ok, so i read this earlier and really like the way this was written, but just couldn't get over...
Undergraduatedanielladelucia - Oct 16, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 16, 2011
|'to share their wonderful experiences' - Carleton College Supplemental
Undergraduatemrubinstein - Oct 16, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 16, 2011
|"Why Physics: the basis of everything in this universe" - University of Michigan
NEW - Prompt:Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual...
UndergraduateTiti - Oct 16, 2011 / — -
|'Coming from Peru' - Upenn Suplement
2 - The Huntsman Program and the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business will not only provide the strongest foundation...
Undergraduatejorgeb05 - Oct 16, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 16, 2011
|"An American Persian Jew raised in America" - University of Florida Undergrad Essay
3 - Maybe you should tie up the ending with: Language and the UF (like being able to volunteer to translate...
Undergraduateyurika888 - Oct 16, 2011 / Keerthika2014 - Oct 16, 2011
|Major: Psychology - My Interest in Psychology ( UC Transfer)
UndergraduateKeerthika2014 - Oct 15, 2011 / Keerthika2014 - Oct 16, 2011
|"I'm going to beat this" Common App, significant experience and it's influence on you
Undergraduatecasemarie - Oct 16, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 16, 2011
|'Science Olympiad' - Common App Extracurricular Box - Short Answer
2 - Good essay; I think you can keep most of what you have written, but here are a few suggestions:...
UndergraduateAabesh - Oct 16, 2011 / inverselogic - Oct 16, 2011
|'after Katie Murray passed away' - UNC Supplement - A time when you failed.
2 - I will never forget the day after Katie Murray passed away. It was only hours after learning the news...
Undergraduatecasemarie - Oct 16, 2011 / katebrown - Oct 16, 2011
|UVA Supplement - Challenging/Unsettling Piece of Art, Music, Science...
4 - I like what you wrote for this essay--it isn't exactly what you would expect from the prompt, but I...
UndergraduateLovemedoosie - Oct 11, 2011 / casemarie - Oct 16, 2011
|'My dual-thinking mode' - UVA Supplement Essay
2 - This is very well written essay. You captured the emotions and ideas of your distinctive voice in a very...
Undergraduategymnast842 - Oct 16, 2011 / GUadmiss - Oct 16, 2011
|'Playing music everyday' - my Georgetown University Essay
3 - Thank you very much. As I'm sure you know, it's very refreshing to hear some positive feedback after you've...
UndergraduateGUadmiss - Oct 10, 2011 / GUadmiss - Oct 16, 2011
|'People around me as a family members' - A time when you failed. What did you learn?
2 - This is a well written essay, but in the first paragraph you repeat "every friday night". Small repetitions like...
Undergraduateatong24 - Oct 16, 2011 / mrubinstein - Oct 16, 2011
|'this doctor confirmed my expectations of a medical career' - Common Application
Undergraduatedyj921 - Oct 2, 2011 / Prettywings - Oct 16, 2011
|'life changing words: moving day' - Flagler College Admission Essay
NEW - hi, i am looking at going to flagler college, and i practiced writing the essay, but i feel like...
Undergraduatemadd_short - Oct 16, 2011 / — -
|'a place to learn, live, and grow' - Application Supplement- Why rice short answer
Undergraduateletmego - Oct 16, 2011 / missmex - Oct 16, 2011
|'most of my life in Colombia' - a significant experience, achievement, risk
Undergraduatediegorivero412 - Oct 13, 2011 / diegorivero412 - Oct 16, 2011
|How to write about - "Why do you think you are gifted in science and math?"
UndergraduateNguyenAnhDuong - Oct 2, 2011 / kober12 - Oct 16, 2011
|"All wars are civil wars" - Common App- Topic of your choice- WAR
Undergraduateali_alqaisy93 - Oct 15, 2011 / Didi94 - Oct 16, 2011
|Biology, Economics and Literature: qualities that attract you to the specific College
NEW - Driven by a desire to attain education which, while developing depth in the fundamentals, gives me a wide vista...
UndergraduateAnonymous - Oct 16, 2011 / — -
|The Importance of Uncertainty: Common App essay
8 - Good writing. Just thought the structure of your writing need to be more organized, especially in the body. It...
Undergraduatezxing - Sep 25, 2011 / extrafresh - Oct 16, 2011
|'experience & stories' Pomona- Experience in high school has mattered most to me?
UndergraduateSamparisi - Oct 9, 2011 / Samparisi - Oct 16, 2011
|Common App-"Fast Food Worker" -Elaborate on Extracurriculars-
UndergraduatePrimeTime309 - Oct 8, 2011 / EricJ - Oct 16, 2011
|MCPHS : why choosing MCPHS
2 - with my help just warm my heart-under my help just warms my heart I think your response is concise....
Undergraduateonesixty1 - Oct 14, 2011 / yuqivickey - Oct 16, 2011
|'Academics, diversity, and athletics' - why Northwestern essay
3 - It is really a tad too formal and structured. Loosen up alittle, let the voice inside you speak out....
Undergraduatezeez - Oct 15, 2011 / dyj921 - Oct 16, 2011
|'They are still in Vietnam' - APPLICATION FOR UCF
Undergraduatekober12 - Oct 16, 2011 / vung - Oct 16, 2011
|'to embrace the good things' - Tulane Personal Statement: Why Tulane.
2 - Excellent essay, not much I can do to make it better. However, I would add some more specific details...
Undergraduatemanninga1994 - Oct 15, 2011 / zxing - Oct 16, 2011
|'Desire to seek and embrace challenge' Letter to your roommate (Stanford Supplement)
2 - This is an excellent and very creative approach, introducing yourself through your belongings. However, I would make the letter...
Undergraduatemadlilly93 - Oct 15, 2011 / zxing - Oct 16, 2011
|model airplanes: Cornell Engineering
3 - Anybody have any more feedback? The only reply I got came from a user who was suspended, and looking...
Undergraduatezxing - Oct 9, 2011 / zxing - Oct 16, 2011
|"Living under the Thirty Years' War" - Common App Short Answer
3 - Yeh it is quite nice now, it seems like you took the responsibility and brought the team together without...
Undergraduateckpckp1994 - Oct 14, 2011 / ali_alqaisy93 - Oct 15, 2011
|'the day I first set foot on American soil' UF Essay--A Meaningful Experience
UndergraduateColomvan - Oct 15, 2011 / Colomvan - Oct 15, 2011
|Volunteerism: Working in an Orphanage - Common App Essay
Undergraduatesm9453 - Oct 14, 2011 / sm9453 - Oct 15, 2011
|Experience with Karate , My Common Application Short Answer
3 - Thank you , Charlotte! I do think it's much better to organize the paragraph like the way you said....
UndergraduateAmethystLiang - Oct 15, 2011 / AmethystLiang - Oct 15, 2011
|'to continue my passion 4 scientific research' why applying to that specific college
Undergraduatereidabook - Oct 15, 2011 / sm9453 - Oct 15, 2011
|'work hard and nap hard' - Stanford Roommate Essay
UndergraduateAnnaBanan - Oct 15, 2011 / reidabook - Oct 15, 2011
|A Passion to Last A Lifetime -- CommonApp EC Activity
Undergraduatebr93 - Oct 14, 2011 / sm9453 - Oct 15, 2011
|Animal Shelter Experience- Common app short essay
4 - Haha I found your revised version better but I guess it just depends on the reader. Either way, your...
Undergraduatelolo12 - Oct 13, 2011 / seni012 - Oct 15, 2011
|'Volunteering at the Medical Center' - Common App Short Answer?
4 - ohh thanks so much ana! i'll make those corrections :) but i don't really understand what you're trying...
UndergraduateColomvan - Oct 11, 2011 / Colomvan - Oct 15, 2011
|'instructive, supportive and compassionate' - personal statement-speech and language
Undergraduatenicnac - Oct 14, 2011 / nicnac - Oct 15, 2011
|'the best learning environment to grow' - NYU supplement
6 - anyone? i did some corrections again. I am looking for the best learning environment in which to...
Undergraduatewgcgwg - Oct 10, 2011 / wgcgwg - Oct 15, 2011
|'Baby Steps' - Common App Influential Person Essay
Undergraduateteoth5 - Oct 15, 2011 / — -
|"What will my classmates think of me now?" - experience common app
Undergraduatesnash13 - Oct 14, 2011 / madilla - Oct 15, 2011
|To Be Understood- Essay about autism for Case Western University
NEW - To Be Understood It was the first day of high school. Like every other freshman, I was scampering...
Undergraduateseni012 - Oct 15, 2011 / — -
|Writing about trip to New York - Common Application Essay
4 - It is definitely well-written. Every sentence is a pleasure to read. But sometimes I feel like I'm floating on...
Undergraduatebeatonxstudent - Oct 14, 2011 / august23vn - Oct 15, 2011
|"Students Council President" - significant experience, achievement, risk...
Undergraduatesashnv - Oct 15, 2011 / — -
|No more being ignorant - CommonApp Writing - Short Answer
Undergraduatepolk540 - Oct 11, 2011 / AmethystLiang - Oct 15, 2011
|'Dream of a Young Tree' - my commonapp main essay
NEW - I'm a internatinal applicant,so I really need your help 'cause I'm not proficient in English. Here's my main essay.It...
Undergraduatecindylee09 - Oct 15, 2011 / — -
|'everything she has to teach me' - Common Application: Maddy
2 - Brilliantly written. Reminds me of an accepted Yale essay I read several weeks ago about a similar story. ...
Undergraduatesoccerhoo1 - Oct 14, 2011 / beatonxstudent - Oct 14, 2011
|'I want to be challenged' - WHY UCHICAGO? ESSAY
3 - I believe you are a bit repetitive in saying you want to be challenged. Are there other reasons beyond...
Undergraduateecesubayir - Oct 13, 2011 / Prettywings - Oct 14, 2011
|'Fried Rice and Food Paradise' - Rutgers New Brunswick essay
NEW - Rutgers is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit...
Undergraduateyungtszwing - Oct 14, 2011 / — -
|'To achieve my goal of becoming a pharmacist' Essay for Purdue University
3 - I agree with the previous post. You should begin with your love of chemistry. What prompted this interest? Discuss...
Undergraduateherosusan - Oct 12, 2011 / Prettywings - Oct 14, 2011
|'the Beijing Academy of Dance, Mrs. Cao' A person who has had a significant influence
Undergraduateonesixty1 - Oct 14, 2011 / yungtszwing - Oct 14, 2011
|'I believe in meritocracy' - SCAD Statement of Purpose
2 - Art is essentially the affirmation, the blessing and the deification of existence.---Nice opening sentence! ... but also flourishes...
Undergraduateverolynn - Oct 11, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 14, 2011
|'My family emigrated from Zambia' - UCF Essay
3 - thanks...
Undergraduaterushil94 - Oct 13, 2011 / rushil94 - Oct 14, 2011
|I love telling jokes! - CommonApp essay #1
Undergraduatewhatsmynamee - Oct 14, 2011 / tleeoh - Oct 14, 2011
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