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|"Visualizing Perfection" - Questbridge Biographical Essay
6 - I would chose either one of the two at the end, and remove "superior" or use a different word....
UndergraduateSwindle - Sep 28, 2011 / Riceboy - Sep 29, 2011
|Cross Country Trip ('a career in business') - Common App Transfer
3 - Thank you very much, your help is greatly appreciated. Unfortunately I do not know Ian, although its very possible...
Undergraduatemcq776 - Sep 28, 2011 / mcq776 - Sep 29, 2011
|Questbridge essay, "Gerardo's Fifth"
2 - The first elongated note escapes from the strings of the violins, violas, and cellos, filling the hall with a...
Undergraduategeracam10 - Sep 28, 2011 / EF_Susan - Sep 29, 2011
|'learning from those mistake' - FSU
2 - I can still vividly remember resting my forehead on the back of the toilet seat, small shreds of tobacco...
Undergraduatetc634 - Sep 27, 2011 / EF_Susan - Sep 29, 2011
|'Elder care' - Elaborate One of Your Extracurricular Activity
4 - thank you ^^...
UndergraduateSophya - Sep 27, 2011 / Sophya - Sep 29, 2011
|'my heartbeat came back in just a few seconds' - Common App
5 - The first draft has a more capturing opening. Good demonstration of how the experience at the ER and PSVT...
Undergraduatecluemegan - Sep 27, 2011 / irenesue - Sep 29, 2011
|'Science has been my passion' - Wisconsin-madison STATEMENT
3 - Hey susan, thank you so much!i really appreciate the help.but i want some opinion also on if you...
Undergraduatevadalis - Sep 27, 2011 / vadalis - Sep 29, 2011
|Stage for me - common app essay
4 - Thank you for the suggestions & corrections guys! A non-native English speaker, I'm a little worried about my...
UndergraduatePaul Jo - Sep 22, 2011 / Paul Jo - Sep 29, 2011
|'teacher actually knew the students' names' - Why did you apply to UCF?
3 - i think you should add sth about the major or sth more academic to your essay. It will convince...
UndergraduateHunter - Sep 27, 2011 / richard35568 - Sep 29, 2011
|"Don't worry trooper!" - Quesbridge Essay #2
2 - "There are no earthquakes in Florida!" The reactions I got from my friends regarding the chair were a...
UndergraduateAU0594 - Sep 27, 2011 / EF_Susan - Sep 28, 2011
|'enthusiastic in psychology' - common app： UMich choosing CLAS
2 - The University of Michigan's These are the essential factors that attract me to LSA. The psychology department...
Undergraduategemini61975 - Sep 27, 2011 / JessEllen - Sep 28, 2011
|'Outstanding medical services to the populations of Texas' - Physician Assistant
NEW - Personal Statement/Narrative. Please describe your motivation towards becoming a PA 5000 characters limit = approx. 625 words. Characters include...
Undergraduatebrendalee17 - Sep 28, 2011 / — -
|'some Americans don't know proper English Grammar' My favorite school subject and why
NEW - Catarina Perez Mrs. Glaus 9/28/11 Grade 9th E9C: The subject I like most in school is English. I...
Undergraduatebabycat67 - Sep 28, 2011 / — -
|'The field of dentistry' - UVA career possibility relation to course of study
5 - Oh... that means it does not have the energy of inspiration. When you feel that inspired feeling well...
Undergraduatettuu - Sep 26, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Sep 28, 2011
|'My Friday Nights' - Common Application Short Answer
3 - It's great you can see leadership in such an experience. I think you can elaborate more on your leadership...
Undergraduatehixtine - Sep 26, 2011 / Sophya - Sep 28, 2011
|"envision myself excelling in everything I do" - Questbridge Autobiographical Essay
4 - Here's my 2nd draft -- I have until Friday, but really, I'd like to submit my application by tomorrow!...
Undergraduatejayelectrolosis - Sep 24, 2011 / jayelectrolosis - Sep 28, 2011
|'Volunteering at local library' - QuestBridge Significant Achievement
2 - I think this is very good, needs no grammatical or spelling correction. Your metaphors are a nice touch!...
Undergraduatejnbadj - Sep 26, 2011 / lindseymatter - Sep 27, 2011
|'to replace petroleum and coal' - Questbridge! Change one thing in your community
NEW - If you could change one thing about your community, what would it be and why? I've always had a...
Undergraduatelindseymatter - Sep 27, 2011 / — -
|"Education is the only way" - Questbridge Biographical Essay
2 - You have a couple of typos and compound words that shouldn't be compounded...but other tha that, its great :)....
Undergraduateyonomerindo - Sep 24, 2011 / AU0594 - Sep 27, 2011
|Hardships, Challenges, things I've faced in the past - Entrance essay help?
UndergraduateFrecklie - Sep 25, 2011 / bbrunette312 - Sep 27, 2011
|'the nation's most renowned medical institution' - UF
Undergraduateascoolasice - Sep 27, 2011 / ascoolasice - Sep 27, 2011
|"dad's impairment" - (experience, achievement, risk) College Essay
Undergraduatephongtran - Sep 27, 2011 / phongtran - Sep 27, 2011
|"Application influence, dreams, work experience, and mission" Syracuse Supplement
2 - The pamphlet introduced a variety of art-related majors which were offered by Syracuse, and I was immediately intrigued. It...
Undergraduatecclu3312 - Sep 25, 2011 / EF_Susan - Sep 27, 2011
|'Death happens, but life will go on' - more about me and the context of my life
2 - A day before our school, graduation I learned of Fred's death. Fred Our class had only two days...
UndergraduateEricaKB24 - Sep 27, 2011 / lbedro - Sep 27, 2011
|'Being adopted I have learned...' - the world I came from
2 - My adoptive parents were a couple from California who already had four kids, two of whom were also adopted....
Undergraduatemalia12392 - Sep 25, 2011 / EF_Susan - Sep 27, 2011
|"Silence; the stereotypical image of an Asian" - experience, risk
Undergraduatebananas11 - Sep 25, 2011 / EF_Susan - Sep 27, 2011
|'bring me the EKG machine' - one of your activities
2 - I have learned so much by volunteering at the Murphy Medical Center. During the summer of 11th grade,...
Undergraduatendrwum - Sep 25, 2011 / EF_Susan - Sep 27, 2011
|"women are not inferior" - India issue of importance to you... UT Austin
Undergraduatezainebaby - Sep 23, 2011 / EF_Susan - Sep 27, 2011
|'the Head-boy of the school' - extra curricular activities
NEW - Since my childhood I have always being looking forward to attending school regularly. My desire to gain knowledge was...
Undergraduatesohaibsiddiqui - Sep 27, 2011 / — -
|"My motivation of not giving up" - UC Personal Statement Prompt#2
3 - Thank you for reminding me the grammatical errors I only used an hour to write this, so there might...
Undergraduatetaxidriverhk - Sep 26, 2011 / taxidriverhk - Sep 27, 2011
|'I started quizzing' - This is my extracurricular statement
3 - The story is good, but I think more details will surely help. Tell about your feelings when you fell...
Undergraduatehcdaniel93 - Sep 26, 2011 / Sophya - Sep 27, 2011
|'My childhood littered with such incidences' - influential person (my brothers)
2 - I loved it! Reminds me of my family. (On a personal note: Believe it or not, you're lucky your...
Undergraduateohayohsiao - Sep 25, 2011 / Sara_sheppard - Sep 27, 2011
|'competitions in Informatics and Physics' - i am applying to TSU from india
2 - My father was a colonel in the Indian army, and as his son, I have had the unique opportunity...
Undergraduatephoenix1991 - Sep 25, 2011 / EF_Susan - Sep 26, 2011
|Bad at Math - CommonApp Work in Progress
Undergraduatelindz7185 - Aug 1, 2011 / hixtine - Sep 26, 2011
|'influenced by my two elder sisters (teacher / school worker)' - FSU
NEW - The essay is an important part of your application. It assists the University in learning about you as an...
Undergraduatepaigemeyers - Sep 26, 2011 / — -
|'a Japanese speaking class' - Elaborate on one extracurricular activity
UndergraduatePaul Jo - Sep 25, 2011 / Editor1010 - Sep 26, 2011
|'a country with a positive society' - Just a start- FSU essay
2 - I realized after the video that leadership is more than being the President I feel as though you should...
Undergraduatenhstudent - Sep 26, 2011 / Editor1010 - Sep 26, 2011
|Math - the subjects with which you had difficulty
2 - Good essay, though it contains many grammatical errors. Have a look at them. Mas - Math Being...
Undergraduatenoboundaries - Sep 26, 2011 / Paul Jo - Sep 26, 2011
|"unfortunate situations are my favorite..." UVA essay
Undergraduatetrishhha - Sep 22, 2011 / trishhha - Sep 26, 2011
|"got me wishing I'm a Yalie" - Why Yale?=Short answer
UndergraduateRechy - Aug 30, 2011 / Rechy - Sep 26, 2011
|'the most demanding engineering courses' - Purdue Admission
Undergraduatecolossus2012 - Sep 26, 2011 / — -
|"Moving cities was simple. Starting a new life was difficult." - Admissions
Undergraduateabrodrick - Sep 23, 2011 / abrodrick - Sep 26, 2011
|'Student Representative' - Common app activities
2 - Awsome start! May i suggest that you add a stronger conclusion to explain how this experience has broadened your...
UndergraduateCostanzojm - Sep 25, 2011 / doodler - Sep 25, 2011
|Questions about how to write my Personal Statement for college.
2 - Personal statement is where you show who you are as a person. Don't mention grades, test scores, etc. Mention...
Undergraduategjm - Sep 25, 2011 / rifatmursalin - Sep 25, 2011
|"Rise Above Your Skill" - Questbridge - Nat'l College Match (Biographical Essay)
4 - As a fellow Natl. College Match Applicant, I commend you on your essay. You are an amazing writer. The...
Undergraduatejborjas31 - Sep 23, 2011 / rifatmursalin - Sep 25, 2011
|Intellectual Adventure with Block Plan - Colorado College supplemental essay
Undergraduateestherfm - Sep 23, 2011 / estherfm - Sep 25, 2011
|Michigan Supplement: "A community you are a part of" Essay
2 - I think this is fantastic! I would change the period after life lessons to a comma, though, and just...
Undergraduateakd_rocks - Sep 25, 2011 / lindz7185 - Sep 25, 2011
|"Matrix of inspiration and dream "- Why UChicago?
5 - Thank you so much for your suggestions! I really think I should mention something unique about UChicago, and...
UndergraduatePaul Jo - Sep 24, 2011 / Paul Jo - Sep 25, 2011
|Breaking my "Shell"- Common App Essay
UndergraduateWBStudent - Sep 21, 2011 / WBStudent - Sep 24, 2011
|'Girl Scout meetings' - Extracurricular Activity Essay - Common AP (Girl Scouts)
Undergraduatereidabook - Sep 24, 2011 / DMA17 - Sep 24, 2011
|'My Emoh' - Influential person in my life
2 - It was at the hospital that I discovered I had scoliosis that was potentially severe if not corrected soon....
Undergraduatecatscraddle - Sep 24, 2011 / jayelectrolosis - Sep 24, 2011
|Hiking and how it has effected me - Common App Short Answer
3 - New version Summer before senior year I started getting into hiking. Ever since the first time, I have...
UndergraduateShamefulAunt - Sep 24, 2011 / ShamefulAunt - Sep 24, 2011
|'Boys Nation Senator' - USAFA Application essay
3 - thanks for your feed back. I dont think Boys Nation needs an explanation though. It is a very...
Undergraduatealexsisco714 - Sep 24, 2011 / alexsisco714 - Sep 24, 2011
|The Malaria Test: Essay for Research Fellowship Position in Development
2 - They had arrived at Lusuntha clinic on the eastern border of Zambia earlier that morning; the child was spending...
Undergraduatekeatingr - Sep 22, 2011 / EF_Susan - Sep 24, 2011
|"An Inspiring Ninja" - Influential historical figure - Common app #4
NEW - "Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that...
Undergraduatennpurnama - Sep 24, 2011 / — -
|"The political free thinkers community" - University of Michigan Supplement
Undergraduatesingher39 - Sep 21, 2011 / singher39 - Sep 23, 2011
|"I can be myself, learn a lot, experience new surroundings" - Morgan State
NEW - The Assignment: Write a 500 word essay describing how you would contribute to the Morgan State University legacy. Classy...
Undergraduaterayganwebster94 - Sep 23, 2011 / — -
|"Winter Guard" Extracurricular Activities and a Risk I've Taken Common App
4 - Just one suggestion. When you start saying" and although I couldn't.." I would make that a separate paragraph by...
Undergraduatecclu3312 - Sep 22, 2011 / trishhha - Sep 23, 2011
|'club involvement' - Model United Nations essay on the common-app
Undergraduatematthewcq2 - Sep 22, 2011 / matthewcq2 - Sep 23, 2011
|father's mental illness (influential person)
5 - Hi epooqeo1, I agree with EF_Kevin that you should change the focus of your essay and stress how...
Undergraduateepooqeo1 - Aug 26, 2011 / xxqqsmeee - Sep 23, 2011
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