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|University of Iowa app-" A stroke has many morals on life"
2 - Get rid of 'on' in the first sentence-- it's unnecessary and sounds a little awkward. The first dialogue...
Undergraduateelevit2 - Jul 1, 2011 / MEquestrian - Jul 2, 2011
|Common app - talking about a previous university rejection is too heavy/risky?
Undergraduatenamato - May 30, 2011 / namato - Jul 1, 2011
|Applicant Whatever: Why should MIT admit me?
4 - Alright, for you I recommend the show called Louie with Louie C.K. and I also recommend... And...
Undergraduategkivermhalinfro - Jun 29, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 30, 2011
|"a great opportunity for me to mature" - Peace Corps Essay: Motivational
Undergraduatesilver0187 - Jun 29, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 30, 2011
|Raised in front of a computer monitor - Engineering app for UW
UndergraduateKatlynedwards - Jun 29, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 30, 2011
|"It's very easy to lose yourself" - Vires, Artes, Mores
Undergraduatebhern8 - Jun 28, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 30, 2011
|"The feeling of being dead weight" - FSU, bump in the road
Undergraduatewritefluidity - Jun 28, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 30, 2011
|The more time people use the internet, the less time they spend with real human being
10 - Whenever you say something like this, you have to cite the study. I mean, sometimes you are not...
UndergraduateGeenesh - Jun 28, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 30, 2011
|NASA Inspire Program Essays.
NEW - Please revise and maybe comment on my essays please. The character limit is 2000 and I've got 1990 characters...
Undergraduatejimmytangy - Jun 30, 2011 / — -
|"Volunteering and returning from Costa Rica" - Peace Corps essays 1&2
Undergraduateeeackley - Jun 27, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 29, 2011
|"Nursing is a rewarding and demanding career" - Nursing Admission
3 - I think you should do it this way: Anyone asking me When asked, "Why now?" I would answer that...
Undergraduatejustme76 - Jun 25, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 27, 2011
|Admissions for Miami International University of Art & Design
3 - I always recommend killing this phrase: "I believe" Kill it dead. It always takes power from the sentence....
Undergraduatebpatty - Jun 24, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 27, 2011
|"student and faculty learn from each other" - My Villanova Supplement Essay
UndergraduateJoNnS113 - Jun 24, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 27, 2011
|"Yet another cooking story." - Yale Essay
15 - Okay, you'll probably get a message soon, then. Did you submit a little bio, etc? A few days might...
Undergraduateamrosca - Jun 14, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 26, 2011
|personal/professional goals--"Chemical Engineering"-PURDUE ESSAY
2 - Yes, great stuff. The continuity... well, it could be better or worse. It is a strong essay... ...
Undergraduateelevit2 - Jun 24, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 26, 2011
|How do you expect The Art Institute of California -SF to help you attain your goal?
2 - I believe that getting into The Art Institute of California- San Francisco will help me in achieving my dream...
Undergraduatem0m0_p3ach - Jun 23, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 25, 2011
|"Sedentary Lifestyles" A&M (issue of importance)
4 - Great ideas, here. Lately I have been doing an exercise I made up called Crazy Hops (maybe I'll make...
Undergraduatesebad - Jun 22, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 25, 2011
|"Great city and community" - Biology Temple University transfer essay
3 - uring my first semester at Delaware County Community College, I found many friends that were in the same circumstances...
Undergraduateleejacob77 - Jun 22, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 25, 2011
|Do you think that advertising encourages people to buy things that they don't want ?
2 - I moved this to a new thread. Please start a new thread for every essay. :-) Nowadays,when people...
Undergraduatevuducnam - Jun 22, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 23, 2011
|"living in 'Thailand' ever since I could remember" - admission essay to UM
3 - This is not a good sentence: I have been living in "Thailand" ever since I could remember. ---It does...
Undergraduatenormnutt - Jun 20, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 22, 2011
|"Democracy in Middle East and Our Lives" (issue of importance transfer to ut Austin)
2 - Great job here!! I want to give you a tip that will improve the effectiveness of your writing: Always...
UndergraduateKfjfj - Jun 20, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 21, 2011
|to commit with my future - Application The art institute of california San Francisco
NEW - "What are your career goals and how do you expect your education at the Art Institute of California -...
Undergraduateanajb25 - Jun 19, 2011 / — -
|"Chess, Good game" - Common Application Personal Statement
2 - Hi Kareem, you are missing a D: Staring back at me was the most experience experienced strategist in...
Undergraduateclandarkfire - Jun 16, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 17, 2011
|"the unpredictability of life" - Peace Corps; differing social/cultural environments
3 - The first sentence is boring. The second sentence is unrelated to the first sentence. Again here......
Undergraduatelandon_naylor - Jun 14, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 16, 2011
|Social work Admission (advocate for fair and equitable access to public services)
9 - Oh good! I visited Ogun state during my last visit to Nigeria and made lots of friends. Nice to...
Undergraduatekofolaguda - Jun 9, 2011 / kofolaguda - Jun 15, 2011
|Restoration ecology: UMN trasfer (educational interests and goals)
Undergraduatetianlaiqi - May 31, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 14, 2011
|Dean's Scholars Transfer Essay (UT) - a rational process and belief
4 - Make it something about your intended career. At one time, I believed that I could not learn about...
Undergraduatetransfer123 - Jun 12, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 14, 2011
|"quality of life" -Peace Corps; Reasons, experience, and satisfying core expectations
Undergraduatelandon_naylor - Jun 13, 2011 / klatz238 - Jun 14, 2011
|"a higher understanding of engineering" - NASA Inspire Application Essay
3 - You write well, but it is not interesting. It is sort of generic. These attributes you bring... it is...
Undergraduatesnowfairy10 - Jun 11, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 13, 2011
|"Elaborate on one of your Extracurriculars: Public Speaking" - Common App
3 - The curtain parts, and I take a single step forward as my name blares from fifty speakers. and resounds...
Undergraduateclandarkfire - Jun 11, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 13, 2011
|service is in my blood - peace corps essay #1
3 - Keep the verb tense consistent, friend: ...made it his life's mission to help those who were in need. ------It...
Undergraduateerex12 - Jun 9, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 11, 2011
|Motivation for Nursing and Preparation for Accelerated Academic Environment -Nursing
Undergraduatethisisjesse - Jun 8, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 10, 2011
|UC ESSAY - determined to pursue a career as a social worker.
NEW - prompt- Describe the world you come from-for example you family, community or school- and tell us how your world...
Undergraduateisabella06 - Jun 8, 2011 / — -
|"Everything will be okay, Father" - Pharmacy personal statement
3 - Let's fix the verb tense here: His life had changed significantly since the operation, and so had mine. ...
Undergraduatemaipham - Jun 6, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 8, 2011
|"to teach positive change with peace in mind" - Peace Corps enterance
3 - Yes I see the spot where a colon could be used. Good call, Alyssa! Here are some more corrections...
Undergraduatedreamills - Jun 6, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 8, 2011
|My mother, my inspiration to become a nurse
4 - Hey, nice attempt. I like this essay, I really enjoy it. You are greatly manage your feelings and then...
UndergraduateFionaanna - Jun 7, 2011 / dhammika1973 - Jun 8, 2011
|Media and Communication: Indicating understanding of program, motivation for studying
3 - Don't say "due to" twice: Due to my military commitments, I unfortunately have to take a break from furthering...
UndergraduateLyre - Jun 6, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 7, 2011
|An Essay for my boarding school application
3 - Hey Jacod, Did you make it to St. John's-Kilmarnock School? If yes, i need your help because i am...
UndergraduateWrath - May 25, 2011 / MMK - Jun 7, 2011
|Entrance Essay On a Defining Moment--My World, My Family
3 - No need for a comma here: It was because of these hallucinations that he believed he was Christ reborn....
Undergraduatewesemanr - Jun 4, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 6, 2011
|SOP - Masters in Petroleum Geosciences by Distance Learning
3 - Hello Kevin, Thanks very much for your feedback. Will simplify the statements as suggested. Appreciate your help....
Undergraduatemulberry - Jun 1, 2011 / mulberry - Jun 6, 2011
|Personal Training Certification Course,Final Exam Response Essay: Exercise Physiology
3 - Well, yes the question can be restated in the sense that the intro of the essay will refer to...
UndergraduateKyler_e - Jun 3, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 5, 2011
|"To hone my skills in the art making process, Art Major" - UC transfer
Undergraduatebdaugherty - Nov 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 5, 2011
|"Overcoming this drug addiction" (meaningful event) - UF Admissions Essays
6 - Don't be too hard on yourself. Lot's of teens do crazier things than that. Life is hard, and we...
UndergraduateJeetSing - May 30, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 4, 2011
|UF - A volunteer experience ("how the brain works")
Undergraduatews24 - May 31, 2011 / EricJ - Jun 3, 2011
|How did you learn about NJIT and why are you aplaying? Engineering.
Undergraduatewilfredo420 - May 23, 2011 / wilfredo420 - Jun 2, 2011
|EFA and ESD application - writing about education system with my own opinion
3 - You capitalized society and education unnecessarily in that first essay. sustainably, too! Stop capitalizing!!! :-) typo: humanbeing...
Undergraduateotshd - May 31, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 2, 2011
|Civil engineers: How did you learn about NJIT and why are you applying for admission?
2 - A student's priority should be to achieve the highest education level possible with the given opportunity, because...----I added a...
Undergraduatessahin90 - May 30, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 1, 2011
|ENTERY ESSAY FOR Registered Nurse PROGRAM (becoming a Surgical Nurse too)
2 - I'm going to make some corrections, so please practice typing these sentences again after you see the corrections: ...
UndergraduateMstheophile - May 30, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 1, 2011
|The national quiz show "Kantipur Quiz Whiz." - significant experience or achievement.
Undergraduateupretisr - May 30, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 1, 2011
|What should be invented?-An essay for HSYLC forum held by Havard university
3 - Thank you so much! Your words have made me confident in my writing again. I'll submit the revised work....
Undergraduateitenet - May 27, 2011 / itenet - May 30, 2011
|"anger issues" - UC Personal Statement (personal quality, talent, experience)
2 - As a child I always had anger issues, and my... family would nickname me bilioso, which is Spanish...
Undergraduatejchachachavez - May 26, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 29, 2011
|Business Transfer Essay (Finance major) - Professional Statement
3 - The first sentence of the essay is... lackluster. (Did I even use that word correctly? I don't think I...
UndergraduateVstampede1 - May 26, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 29, 2011
|"the source to take my dream to the next level: Computer Software Engineer" - NJIT
4 - I heard about the New Jersey Institute of Technology from my uncle, a NJIT graduate (List the degree and...
Undergraduatewaquarali - May 28, 2011 / EricJ - May 28, 2011
|every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end
4 - If you were to ask when my life had its turning point, its climax, its pinnacle, and perhaps its...
Undergraduatepcvrz34g - May 25, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2011
|A Chinese proverb / Favorite place - admission essay to boarding school
Undergraduateaboveblues - May 18, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2011
|My mother had a big influence on my life since I was born - an important person!
3 - Hello, Mouley, You are supposed to go help another essayist by commenting on her/his thread. Here's one you...
Undergraduatecicete - May 24, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2011
|Why I Would be a Good Business Leader - Business Transfer Essay
UndergraduateGatling - May 25, 2011 / EF_Susan - May 25, 2011
|"nervous about starting college" - the biggest challenge as a freshman? Overcome it?
3 - I don't want to be the socially-awkward girl that's always in the library with a book in front of...
Undergraduatedevihari17 - May 22, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 24, 2011
|An achievement: the best students in the class during all my school years
Undergraduatesikiran - May 23, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 24, 2011
|"My talent in art; UTSA Roadrunner" - Essay C - Talents and Achievements
Undergraduatecmarb629 - May 22, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 24, 2011
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