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|"the unpredictability of life" - Peace Corps; differing social/cultural environments
3 - The first sentence is boring. The second sentence is unrelated to the first sentence. Again here......
Undergraduatelandon_naylor - Jun 14, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 16, 2011
|Social work Admission (advocate for fair and equitable access to public services)
9 - Oh good! I visited Ogun state during my last visit to Nigeria and made lots of friends. Nice to...
Undergraduatekofolaguda - Jun 9, 2011 / kofolaguda - Jun 15, 2011
|Restoration ecology: UMN trasfer (educational interests and goals)
Undergraduatetianlaiqi - May 31, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 14, 2011
|Dean's Scholars Transfer Essay (UT) - a rational process and belief
4 - Make it something about your intended career. At one time, I believed that I could not learn about...
Undergraduatetransfer123 - Jun 12, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 14, 2011
|"quality of life" -Peace Corps; Reasons, experience, and satisfying core expectations
Undergraduatelandon_naylor - Jun 13, 2011 / klatz238 - Jun 14, 2011
|"a higher understanding of engineering" - NASA Inspire Application Essay
3 - You write well, but it is not interesting. It is sort of generic. These attributes you bring... it is...
Undergraduatesnowfairy10 - Jun 11, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 13, 2011
|"Elaborate on one of your Extracurriculars: Public Speaking" - Common App
3 - The curtain parts, and I take a single step forward as my name blares from fifty speakers. and resounds...
Undergraduateclandarkfire - Jun 11, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 13, 2011
|service is in my blood - peace corps essay #1
3 - Keep the verb tense consistent, friend: ...made it his life's mission to help those who were in need. ------It...
Undergraduateerex12 - Jun 9, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 11, 2011
|Motivation for Nursing and Preparation for Accelerated Academic Environment -Nursing
Undergraduatethisisjesse - Jun 8, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 10, 2011
|UC ESSAY - determined to pursue a career as a social worker.
NEW - prompt- Describe the world you come from-for example you family, community or school- and tell us how your world...
Undergraduateisabella06 - Jun 8, 2011 / — -
|"Everything will be okay, Father" - Pharmacy personal statement
3 - Let's fix the verb tense here: His life had changed significantly since the operation, and so had mine. ...
Undergraduatemaipham - Jun 6, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 8, 2011
|"to teach positive change with peace in mind" - Peace Corps enterance
3 - Yes I see the spot where a colon could be used. Good call, Alyssa! Here are some more corrections...
Undergraduatedreamills - Jun 6, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 8, 2011
|My mother, my inspiration to become a nurse
4 - Hey, nice attempt. I like this essay, I really enjoy it. You are greatly manage your feelings and then...
UndergraduateFionaanna - Jun 7, 2011 / dhammika1973 - Jun 8, 2011
|Media and Communication: Indicating understanding of program, motivation for studying
3 - Don't say "due to" twice: Due to my military commitments, I unfortunately have to take a break from furthering...
UndergraduateLyre - Jun 6, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 7, 2011
|An Essay for my boarding school application
3 - Hey Jacod, Did you make it to St. John's-Kilmarnock School? If yes, i need your help because i am...
UndergraduateWrath - May 25, 2011 / MMK - Jun 7, 2011
|Entrance Essay On a Defining Moment--My World, My Family
3 - No need for a comma here: It was because of these hallucinations that he believed he was Christ reborn....
Undergraduatewesemanr - Jun 4, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 6, 2011
|SOP - Masters in Petroleum Geosciences by Distance Learning
3 - Hello Kevin, Thanks very much for your feedback. Will simplify the statements as suggested. Appreciate your help....
Undergraduatemulberry - Jun 1, 2011 / mulberry - Jun 6, 2011
|Personal Training Certification Course,Final Exam Response Essay: Exercise Physiology
3 - Well, yes the question can be restated in the sense that the intro of the essay will refer to...
UndergraduateKyler_e - Jun 3, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 5, 2011
|"To hone my skills in the art making process, Art Major" - UC transfer
Undergraduatebdaugherty - Nov 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 5, 2011
|"Overcoming this drug addiction" (meaningful event) - UF Admissions Essays
6 - Don't be too hard on yourself. Lot's of teens do crazier things than that. Life is hard, and we...
UndergraduateJeetSing - May 30, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 4, 2011
|UF - A volunteer experience ("how the brain works")
Undergraduatews24 - May 31, 2011 / EricJ - Jun 3, 2011
|How did you learn about NJIT and why are you aplaying? Engineering.
Undergraduatewilfredo420 - May 23, 2011 / wilfredo420 - Jun 2, 2011
|EFA and ESD application - writing about education system with my own opinion
3 - You capitalized society and education unnecessarily in that first essay. sustainably, too! Stop capitalizing!!! :-) typo: humanbeing...
Undergraduateotshd - May 31, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 2, 2011
|Civil engineers: How did you learn about NJIT and why are you applying for admission?
2 - A student's priority should be to achieve the highest education level possible with the given opportunity, because...----I added a...
Undergraduatessahin90 - May 30, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 1, 2011
|ENTERY ESSAY FOR Registered Nurse PROGRAM (becoming a Surgical Nurse too)
2 - I'm going to make some corrections, so please practice typing these sentences again after you see the corrections: ...
UndergraduateMstheophile - May 30, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 1, 2011
|The national quiz show "Kantipur Quiz Whiz." - significant experience or achievement.
Undergraduateupretisr - May 30, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jun 1, 2011
|What should be invented?-An essay for HSYLC forum held by Havard university
3 - Thank you so much! Your words have made me confident in my writing again. I'll submit the revised work....
Undergraduateitenet - May 27, 2011 / itenet - May 30, 2011
|"anger issues" - UC Personal Statement (personal quality, talent, experience)
2 - As a child I always had anger issues, and my... family would nickname me bilioso, which is Spanish...
Undergraduatejchachachavez - May 26, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 29, 2011
|Business Transfer Essay (Finance major) - Professional Statement
3 - The first sentence of the essay is... lackluster. (Did I even use that word correctly? I don't think I...
UndergraduateVstampede1 - May 26, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 29, 2011
|"the source to take my dream to the next level: Computer Software Engineer" - NJIT
4 - I heard about the New Jersey Institute of Technology from my uncle, a NJIT graduate (List the degree and...
Undergraduatewaquarali - May 28, 2011 / EricJ - May 28, 2011
|every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end
4 - If you were to ask when my life had its turning point, its climax, its pinnacle, and perhaps its...
Undergraduatepcvrz34g - May 25, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2011
|A Chinese proverb / Favorite place - admission essay to boarding school
Undergraduateaboveblues - May 18, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2011
|My mother had a big influence on my life since I was born - an important person!
3 - Hello, Mouley, You are supposed to go help another essayist by commenting on her/his thread. Here's one you...
Undergraduatecicete - May 24, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2011
|Why I Would be a Good Business Leader - Business Transfer Essay
UndergraduateGatling - May 25, 2011 / EF_Susan - May 25, 2011
|"nervous about starting college" - the biggest challenge as a freshman? Overcome it?
3 - I don't want to be the socially-awkward girl that's always in the library with a book in front of...
Undergraduatedevihari17 - May 22, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 24, 2011
|An achievement: the best students in the class during all my school years
Undergraduatesikiran - May 23, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 24, 2011
|"My talent in art; UTSA Roadrunner" - Essay C - Talents and Achievements
Undergraduatecmarb629 - May 22, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 24, 2011
|Physical Therapy Education: PT - Statement of Purpose
Undergraduateptstudenthope - May 22, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 24, 2011
|Temple-essay 2: personal development, about myself.
UndergraduateAscendtoashes - May 16, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 24, 2011
|"I used to think life was different" - Harvard supplemental essay for fall admissions
4 - @Notoman- Thank you so much for your input. I really needed constructive criticism rather than a superficial comment. ...
Undergraduateeduardo8 - May 22, 2011 / eduardo8 - May 23, 2011
|Theme for the Day for my college Nite.
7 - @Kevin- Ninja Dance Party. Are you out of your mind. Sounds like a kid's birthday party to me...hahahaha...
Undergraduateisai - May 20, 2011 / Neeta - May 23, 2011
|"not to roam around with people from other countries" - an intercultural event/issue
10 - Bad habit! :-) You create more work for yourself if you do that. Plus, your typing fingers will...
Undergraduatelivrpl4evr - May 19, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 22, 2011
|"My major is to Teach Chinese as a Foreign Language" - Personal Statement
Undergraduatewhitney - May 20, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 22, 2011
|Nursing: Admissions essay for prompt: why did you choose healthcare?
8 - Capitalize the whole job title: Chief of Police Here's an idea: To follow my own interests simply...
UndergraduateAngelaK - May 17, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 21, 2011
|"harmonic sound chills of excitement" - a meaningful experience in your life
Undergraduatetye654 - May 19, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 21, 2011
|'Relief after landing' - dartmouth experience that changed my life
3 - I'll make some corrections, too: That morning I had woken up with an eerie feeling. I begged my...
Undergraduatechigirl - May 19, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 21, 2011
|"the most versatile artist" - Personal Statement for Graphics Design Program
Undergraduatebaley - May 19, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 21, 2011
|"Tunisia and Ben Ali" - essay B :an issue of importance to you
NEW - I'm from Tunisia. Tunisia is a North Africa country with half population less than 25 years old. It's comparatively...
Undergraduateskander9 - May 21, 2011 / — -
|Technology and computers educational goals - my college transfer paper
Undergraduatekev123456 - May 18, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 20, 2011
|Essay on the importance of volunteering
3 - You have a great writing style, and the only real criticism I have is that the essay does not...
Undergraduatejamileigh - May 18, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 20, 2011
|Passion of Fashion - I need an essay to be accepted at the Illinois Institute of ART
6 - Perfect! Now go back and search for that gem, that precious gem: My name is Fatoumata Diallo. I...
Undergraduatebintasagale - May 1, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 19, 2011
|How have your past experiences influenced your academic record?
2 - Hi Askal, Where to start? Start with your theme. Every time you communicate with someone about something, have...
Undergraduateselam19 - May 16, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 18, 2011
|Work or travel for a year between high school and university? 'wise descision'
5 - I believe the introduction is vague.Nothing hasn`t mentioned as pros and cons & the body doesn`t have deciplined structure...
Undergraduatemithsal - May 16, 2011 / yas rose - May 17, 2011
|a significant choice that you had to make (deciding my major) - U of Massachusetts
3 - Okay, I'll show how to correct the grammar, and you should practice typing each sentence several times to get...
Undergraduatefarahbachtiar - May 16, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 17, 2011
|Transfer Essay to Wentworth Institute of Technology
3 - It says: This essay or personal statement (250 to 500 words) is your chance to tell us what you...
Undergraduatemattrb2 - May 16, 2011 / mattrb2 - May 16, 2011
|Soccer: I put on my gloves and race to the playground to help my team - something pleasant to me
18 - Thank you EF_Kevin. Now I declare this thread officially closed. And I am thankful to the following persons:...
UndergraduateShahriar - Apr 28, 2011 / Shahriar - May 16, 2011
|"Why I feel ready to return"- A college readmission essay
11 - What?! I have never heard of a semi-colon having a secret meaning like that, ha ha... that is...
Undergraduateahwalker1985 - Apr 27, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 15, 2011
|What can you offer and accept through this program? - Asian students difficulties.
3 - Isai, where does your username come from? What does it mean? I am intrigued... Steph, in this situation,...
Undergraduatestephaniealfl - May 12, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 15, 2011
|(knowledge and a commitment to service; my family) - Spelman College
3 - Not only is knowledge the key to success, it is the key to breaking down barriers that may prevent...
UndergraduateKendiaMarie - May 12, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 14, 2011
|going to the Research Science Institute - significant experience/achievement, impact
3 - Do not write "transcended beyond," because transcend = "go beyond" This sentence is not complete. To...
Undergraduateteddynuts - May 10, 2011 / EF_Kevin - May 11, 2011
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