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|Asking organizations for funds - UC Essay Intended major, Need help on editing
3 - Rohan, we need to work on the presentation of your essay. Since you are discussing your intended major, you...
Undergraduaterohan_sohail - Nov 8, 2016 / Holt - Nov 8, 2016
|Career oriented experience. The influence of my father drove me to create an online store on Taobao
6 - The narrative is fine as far as I can tell. the parallelism in the story is something that should...
Undergraduateatlantapie - Nov 6, 2016 / Holt - Nov 6, 2016
|Common App essay about how I dealt with my Mother's Breast Cancer
UndergraduateSbender - Nov 5, 2016 / Holt - Nov 5, 2016
|The most important section in a student's live (personal statement for CUHK)
4 - What i mean is that you cannot base your major solely on the choice of the university that you...
UndergraduatekarenL - Oct 26, 2016 / Holt - Nov 4, 2016
|PHILIPPINES: THE LAND OF THE UNEMPLOYED, A SNAPSHOT OF THE PHILIPPINE CASE
2 - Sam, before we can accurately review the content of this paper, we need to have some additional information. Information...
Undergraduateflowerb2st - Nov 3, 2016 / Holt - Nov 4, 2016
|Why I selected Computer Science as my major - Illinois -- Urbana-Champaign prompt
2 - Yamini, in answer to your first question, you should remove all references to your interest in programming starting from...
Undergraduatenyanpasu - Nov 3, 2016 / Holt - Nov 3, 2016
|STANFORD extracurricular activities or work experiences, can I make supplement essay on photography?
4 - Hello, You certainly do not want to keep writing about Photography in all of your essays. However, the...
Undergraduatecbarnes17 - Nov 1, 2016 / admission2012 - Nov 2, 2016
|REWRITE of Short (250 word) MIT Admissions Essay on the "world I come from"
Undergraduateabhavsar - Nov 1, 2016 / admission2012 - Nov 2, 2016
|The most innovative and creative students - Help on Penn Essay
4 - In my opinion, you should entirely omit the real estate portion because that does not directly tie in with...
Undergraduatesekoufoley - Nov 1, 2016 / Holt - Nov 2, 2016
|Volleyball and grandparents. REVIEWING MY COLLEGE ADMISSION ESSAY
4 - Okay. If I were to write this essay based upon the information that you gave me, I would probably...
Undergraduaterayst10 - Nov 2, 2016 / Holt - Nov 2, 2016
|If you could only do one of the activities which one would you keep doing? Why? U of M essay
4 - Rose, you can definitely do that. Don't be afraid to play around with the content of the essay. Specially...
Undergraduaterone1 - Nov 1, 2016 / Holt - Nov 1, 2016
|Life lessons tend to stick with you forever when they come from the realization of your mistakes
UndergraduateAkash_R - Nov 1, 2016 / Akash_R - Nov 1, 2016
|You are preparing to attend your 10-year reunion to express your accomplishments since graduation.
2 - Yunior, you have the right idea when it comes to the accomplishments that you dream of having within 1...
Undergraduateyuniorlh - Nov 1, 2016 / Holt - Nov 1, 2016
|I cannot sing, but I am a singer. Singing and music - Yale Common App Personal Statement
5 - Amishi, would you consider using the closing paragraph as your opening paragraph instead? That particular paragraph has a memorable...
Undergraduateamishiii - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
|Growing up, I explored all kinds of technologies. University of Illinois Champaign Application Essay
2 - Brian, you need to find a balance in the essay between the development of your interest in computer programming...
UndergraduateCheerfulButter - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
|Teaching English and Computer classes (Chevening leadership essay)
2 - Rani, in the first paragraph, as the leader of the group, I am sure that you were informed regarding...
Undergraduatebeauty60 - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
|Staying alone at home - I had finally grown up. Common App prompt #5
6 - Haha alright, you're making me feel bad for that line now! :3 I guess I'll just merge it with...
Undergraduatenyanpasu - Oct 28, 2016 / nyanpasu - Oct 31, 2016
|Teacher Networks - Chevening essay
2 - Rani, post this essay as a new thread. The forum rules indicate that you need to present only one...
Undergraduatebeauty60 - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
|Incapability is the worst kind of failure. Recognizing a failure in study.
4 - Hey Woodoo, don't feel defeated just yet. There is still a way that you can save the essay. You...
Undergraduatewoodoo - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
|Why Rice? Intellectual atmosphere and traditions eg. celebrations revolving around Willy's statue.
9 - Don't forget to highlight the research that you might be interested in. It helps to mention specific programs and...
Undergraduateanageecantu - Oct 30, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
|"I'm a good friend" without saying it. MIT Admissions Essay on my contribution to my community
Undergraduateabhavsar - Oct 30, 2016 / dils - Oct 31, 2016
|Tufts Supplemental Essay about how I was raised and how it influenced my life today
Undergraduatecb8156 - Oct 30, 2016 / dils - Oct 31, 2016
|Why Tufts? Essay-- The attitude; I take work seriously, always doing my best in everything
2 - Cassie, don't use the words of encouragement or the reasons why another person would opt to attend Tufts. As...
Undergraduatecb8156 - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
|My parents are immigrants from India who grew up in relatively poor conditions - "world I come from"
2 - Arnav, you only 250 words to work with. So don't try to present too much information which cannot be...
Undergraduateabhavsar - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
|What peculiarity or unique distinctives do you possess that will allow you to contribute to UF
4 - Hi Joseph. Thanks for understanding what I was trying to tell you. I know that there are times when...
UndergraduateJosephLopez99 - Oct 30, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
|The most important reason, that I want to become a Hokie, is to feel like I belong somewhere
2 - ... campus seem like the perfect place to be in You don't need the extra preposition "in" at the...
UndergraduateDOTAchilles - Oct 30, 2016 / abhavsar - Oct 30, 2016
|Being involved in a car accident. Common Application, Personal Statement Essay
2 - Grace, the essay definitely shows a perfect example of a transition to adulthood. Your dad's reaction is classic! However,...
Undergraduategrrace1004 - Oct 30, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
|YALE UNIVERSITY - Should I apply?
2 - Rafael, you might just be one of the lucky few to gain admission to Yale from your country. Considering...
Undergraduatermarquez - Oct 30, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
|'An engineer like my father' - UIUC Electrical Engineering Major Choice Essay
5 - @Holt Thank you so much for all your detailed feedback! I will definitely take it all into account as...
UndergraduateNeehar27 - Oct 29, 2016 / Neehar27 - Oct 30, 2016
|How to add more about myself in Cornell CAS application essay?
10 - I suggest mentioning Cornell very early on in the essay. Your response looks like it could be used for...
Undergraduateliane - Oct 23, 2016 / rmarquez - Oct 30, 2016
|"Why NYU?" Essay written based on New York's Charm
Undergraduatekenant - Oct 29, 2016 / rmarquez - Oct 30, 2016
|Penn allows me to focus on my academic interest in a profound manner.
4 - Again, the first paragraph is really unnecessary. Why do you insist on presenting that historical fact that does not...
Undergraduateprajain - Oct 27, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
|Three Ways People Close to You Describe You - DeMatha
2 - Hey David, it is really important that you revise the content of your essay because it does not deliver...
UndergraduateKingKO92 - Oct 29, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
|I disappointed myself and my coach; MIT Admissions Essay on Overcoming a Challenge
2 - Hey Arnav, you really did very good work on this essay. You showed more than just how you overcame...
Undergraduateabhavsar - Oct 29, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
|Losing a parent - a tragic impulse to transition from childhood to adulthood - common app prompt
3 - HI NIlufar, your approach the prompt is unique in a certain way. You have managed to turn an overview...
Undergraduatenilufars - Oct 29, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
|"Glorious to View". Cornell Writing Supplement - College of Arts and Sciences
2 - Rafael, most reviewers do not take kindly to applicants who name-drop their professor's names in their college application essays....
Undergraduatermarquez - Oct 29, 2016 / Holt - Oct 29, 2016
|My "WHY NYU?" Essay (for Class of 2021)- (NYU Steinhardt)
4 - Then, since the essay is all about why you wish to attend NYU, you should use that statement to...
Undergraduatezahra998 - Oct 27, 2016 / Holt - Oct 29, 2016
|Paragraph from common app prompt #5. Coffee as an obstacle in life, will revise back
2 - Hey Anthony, I know that you would like us to comment on your current paragraph for the common app...
Undergraduateeuphorain - Oct 28, 2016 / Holt - Oct 29, 2016
|About the failure in the American Dream
Undergraduatemelokour - Oct 28, 2016 / melokour - Oct 28, 2016
|My achievements - extracurricular or volunteer activities in which you participate.
4 - It isn't hard to fix. Since you are responding to a prompt provided by the university, the correct format...
Undergraduatechikomm16 - Oct 28, 2016 / Holt - Oct 28, 2016
|Columbia Supplement - 1. Why Columbia? 2. Why these majors?
2 - hello, I have read your essay and here is my opinion (1) Please research about the qualities in...
Undergraduateangeli6778 - Oct 28, 2016 / chikomm16 - Oct 28, 2016
|Penn offers the next stage of an intellectual journey - Application Essay for Wharton (Penn)
UndergraduateJASONSUN99 - Oct 27, 2016 / JASONSUN99 - Oct 27, 2016
|Child of a thousand hills from Rwanda
UndergraduateAshleigh - Oct 22, 2016 / Ashleigh - Oct 27, 2016
|My village and its customs that changed my life!
25 - 1. Since this is not an activity that you did only once, then the choice is "visits". The plural...
Undergraduateinav321 - Oct 21, 2016 / Holt - Oct 27, 2016
|Application Essay What got me into architecture, how does it manifest itself in my everyday life?
UndergraduateValltax - Oct 26, 2016 / Valltax - Oct 27, 2016
|Opportunity is my main concern with choosing a school. FIT TRANSFER ADMISSIONS ESSAY - why FIT?
2 - Joanna, your essay is currently in need of revision in terms of content and chronology. You seem to also...
Undergraduatejoannam789 - Oct 26, 2016 / Holt - Oct 27, 2016
|A kid from Mongolia - Northwestern Supplement
2 - Bat, it is difficult to gauge the relevance of your essay to the supplemental essay prompt you are trying...
Undergraduatebmb_orgil - Oct 26, 2016 / Holt - Oct 26, 2016
|Essay: people I might live with
4 - @Holt, many thanks for your comprehensive feedback. I will take everything you wrote into account and will try to...
UndergraduateAlter - Oct 25, 2016 / Alter - Oct 26, 2016
|Discovering art in kindergarten. Entrance essay to art school!
2 - 1st Paragraph - ...dad always often... (two time adjectives are contradicting, pick one.) 3rd Paragraph - ...leaving me,...
UndergraduateLuludrea - Oct 26, 2016 / ichephe - Oct 26, 2016
|Describe your interest and experience in your chosen major (300-400 words)
3 - Thank you for your advice, but I think you've misunderstood some key things. To begin with, I'm not...
Undergraduatetaariya - Oct 26, 2016 / taariya - Oct 26, 2016
|"The trouble is, you think you have time"; essay about myself. G-PA
3 - I like your writing, little touched. But i think we need some correction I found the proverb to...
Undergraduatejohnta123 - Oct 23, 2016 / prettyinside - Oct 26, 2016
|I'm from Long An, a province in the south of Vietnam. Help me with my hometown. Very grateful.
Undergraduatenguyenhuyen - Oct 17, 2016 / ichanpants89 - Oct 25, 2016
|Why History is Worth Studying
8 - Well, after your review i discovered that all your attention focused in the past events. I would recommend...
Undergraduateyjung17 - Oct 21, 2016 / chikomm16 - Oct 25, 2016
|Edit my Upenn essay (explore your interest)
9 - Hi, i think you should focus more on realistic goals that attending Upenn would empower you to achieve. ...
Undergraduateprajain - Oct 10, 2016 / chikomm16 - Oct 25, 2016
|A personal and National Triumph
8 - If this is the format that you are comfortable using, then this is what we shall use Juanita. I...
UndergraduateAE02022504 - Oct 25, 2016 / Holt - Oct 25, 2016
|My homosexuality - Overcoming adversity and embracing individualism - common app essay
Undergraduatekdesai710 - Oct 25, 2016 / Holt - Oct 25, 2016
|Every year I buy 2 presents for my sister on her birthdays. Common App
NEW - Hi everyone. This is my common app and I would really appreciate it if anyone took a look at...
Undergraduateozdemir - Oct 25, 2016 / — -
|The motto Ut Prosim will always be in my mind... College Essay for Virginia Tech
Undergraduategabbyo - Oct 23, 2016 / gabbyo - Oct 25, 2016
|My Transition into a Stronger Reader
2 - Hello, I think your basic thought process here is great. However, I think you should approach this topic...
Undergraduateyjung17 - Oct 24, 2016 / admission2012 - Oct 24, 2016
|My path to love and understanding
2 - I really like how you're going about this situation. But if there is one advice I can give you,...
Undergraduateprofxav - Oct 24, 2016 / yjung17 - Oct 24, 2016
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