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|"Art and Reality as Paint Strokes " - School of Visual Arts - SVA - Statement of Intent
2 - Your essay delivers a lot of information but does not really explain your passion behind your love of arts....
UndergraduateMellvei - Oct 23, 2016 / Holt - Oct 24, 2016
|"Washington D.C., yeah I can do this" I coached myself as my flight number was called.
2 - Hii Rmay.. Overall, it is a great writing, but i found several mistakes. Lemme show you. The plan...
UndergraduateRmay - Oct 23, 2016 / Giansy11 - Oct 23, 2016
|Common App Essay -- Cooking with my Polish Grandmother (does it say enough about me?)
Undergraduatebkornak - Oct 23, 2016 / Giansy11 - Oct 23, 2016
|Dance has taught me to be better. Common Application Essay about a meaningful talent
Undergraduatenirmitiparekh - Oct 23, 2016 / Giansy11 - Oct 23, 2016
|What qualities or Characteristics can you contribute to UCF - Humble, Strong, Liberated Mindset
3 - Jax, this is a pretty good essay. It really shows the kind of contribution that you can make to...
UndergraduateJaxkirch - Oct 22, 2016 / Holt - Oct 23, 2016
|Why Columbia? Better to ask: Why Core Curriculum?
2 - Aris, I think you should reorganize some paragraphs in your essay for better effect. The positioning of your sentences...
UndergraduateMetanoia - Oct 23, 2016 / Holt - Oct 23, 2016
|Georgia Tech essay prompt - If you had the opportunity to create a class, what would it be and why?
3 - Oh... right. I forgot that Creative Writing was a thing, haha. Thank you for reminding me! I'll think of...
Undergraduatenyanpasu - Oct 23, 2016 / nyanpasu - Oct 23, 2016
|What is a small goal I hope to accomplish in the near or far future? Sleep.
2 - Shawn, there are some parts of your essay that can better stated in order to create a more interesting...
Undergraduatejohnta123 - Oct 22, 2016 / Holt - Oct 23, 2016
|There is one thing only a few people know about me, I produce music: personal statement
2 - Tim, your essay is unique and really interesting to read. It presents a hidden side of you that may...
UndergraduateTVLAERE - Oct 22, 2016 / Holt - Oct 23, 2016
|CommonApp Essay Prompt2 --Princess Charming (Not exactly finished)
7 - Hi, Thank you for your suggestion. Instead of talking about the failure of Soccer game, my intention is to...
UndergraduateJASMINEkk - Oct 17, 2016 / Jazzystan0420 - Oct 23, 2016
|Free for all isn't too free...
UndergraduateWriterWriter1 - Oct 22, 2016 / WriterWriter1 - Oct 22, 2016
|Extracurricular activities, work - need guidance on improvement in language and grammar!
5 - hello brother,, let me give some corrections for you writing.. 1.Organising(organizing)debate competition and story 2. debate competition...
Undergraduateinav321 - Oct 22, 2016 / Bekuk22 - Oct 22, 2016
|Busy two years in Nepal - spending free time on previous vacations
Undergraduateinav321 - Oct 22, 2016 / inav321 - Oct 22, 2016
|Failed Job Interview: Common App Prompt 2
3 - Thanks! I was really worried about whether my essay was boring, and I'm glad you found enjoyment in it....
Undergraduatetaariya - Oct 20, 2016 / taariya - Oct 22, 2016
|Reflect on a time in the last few years when you felt genuine excitement learning about something.
Undergraduatechizy7 - Oct 20, 2016 / Ahmadi015 - Oct 21, 2016
|'Growing up I had separated parents' - What was the environment you were raised?
2 - Anthony, the essay is good and almost on the mark in terms of discussing the kind of environment and...
UndergraduateAnthonyVardaro - Oct 21, 2016 / Holt - Oct 21, 2016
|Syracuse University never interested me. My passion for social work and helping others changed it.
4 - Kara, there does not really seem to be a strong influence regarding your desire to enroll at Syracuse. There...
Undergraduatehayenk17 - Oct 19, 2016 / Holt - Oct 21, 2016
|Did MICKEY MOUSE JUST TRY TO KIDNAP ME OR SHOW ME SOMETHING IMPORTANT?
2 - Hi! I have some feedback for you! ...out of the trolliestrolleys not being able to contain my emotion......
Undergraduatebenvb1234 - Oct 20, 2016 / kiki23 - Oct 21, 2016
|"Not Just a Job" Transition to adulthood. Entrance essay for Ohio State.
4 - Since you are supposed to talk about your transition to adulthood, why not concentrate on the job aspect from...
Undergraduatehayenk17 - Oct 19, 2016 / Holt - Oct 21, 2016
|Moving to America and getting more freedom
5 - This is the prompt I am writing. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so...
Undergraduatejpatel254 - Oct 20, 2016 / jpatel254 - Oct 20, 2016
|"Write about something that you love to do" (200 words or fewer) - Yale essay
Undergraduatechizy7 - Oct 17, 2016 / justivy03 - Oct 20, 2016
|Painting for the school art show and a disaster. Common app: Describe a problem you've solved.
2 - This is quite a strong narrative essay in response to the prompt. However, it seems to start at the...
Undergraduatesel7sel - Oct 20, 2016 / Holt - Oct 20, 2016
|Description about me as a personal statement
UndergraduateNhatKhang - Oct 17, 2016 / NhatKhang - Oct 20, 2016
|Admissions Essay, "My Fathers Killer"
4 - "began applied myself in school" Make this "applying." I really like your essay, you show a lot of emotion...
UndergraduateDomjoliver - Oct 16, 2016 / hayenk17 - Oct 19, 2016
|Much of the work that students do at Emerson College is a form of storytelling. College app.
Undergraduateafoltz - Oct 19, 2016 / BeaTrix - Oct 19, 2016
|The Strong Finish: Common App Additional Information for Baylor.
3 - Hi Gabie, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope that you find this website to...
Undergraduategabiesimone - Oct 15, 2016 / justivy03 - Oct 19, 2016
|'Vagrant naked kids. Roads covered with the horrors of cow dungs.' NOV 1 help in editing....
9 - Try to revise the opening paragraph to provide a better opening statement. I think it works better if you...
Undergraduatelittlegirl - Oct 17, 2016 / Holt - Oct 19, 2016
|Have you ever imagine how your life would be without these most important people around you?
2 - Hi Sarah, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website to be...
Undergraduatesarahlysse - Oct 18, 2016 / justivy03 - Oct 19, 2016
|How my mom changed my life, childhood to adulthood
4 - Holt is right, they don't want to hear a sad story about a disease, but they do find exception...
Undergraduatea_nguyen - Oct 16, 2016 / johnta123 - Oct 19, 2016
|I want to bring my creativity and diversity to Yale because Yale is the right place for me.
4 - Thank you @Holt and @justivy03 I appreciate your feedback and I will let you know what comes out of...
Undergraduatechizy7 - Oct 18, 2016 / chizy7 - Oct 18, 2016
|QuestBridge National College Match Short Answers
7 - Although business isn't for me, instead of saying it use I was not originally interested in business. For...
Undergraduateangeli6778 - Sep 18, 2016 / chizy7 - Oct 18, 2016
|Stanford Supplement - critique content/style
3 - I love your writing tone because it makes the reader feel like they have already met you. I think...
Undergraduateangeli6778 - Oct 16, 2016 / chizy7 - Oct 18, 2016
|"Time really flies by" - My personality and future goals
2 - Sabrina, your essay seems to have deviated from the main focus of the essay towards the latter part. There...
Undergraduatesaben - Oct 18, 2016 / Holt - Oct 18, 2016
|The feeling of absurdity. CommonApp Writing Response. Any comments will be appreciated
2 - This is a well written essay, but since this is for common app. I recommend you crossing out, "or...
Undergraduatemohito1999 - Oct 17, 2016 / a_nguyen - Oct 17, 2016
|Passed away parent college essay
2 - Leigha, I sense a disconnect between the main focus of your essay and its content. Your opening statement was...
Undergraduateleighaforever - Oct 16, 2016 / Holt - Oct 17, 2016
|Naval Academy Admissions Essay, need another set of eyes to see what I may not have!
Undergraduatejs7991 - Oct 16, 2016 / Holt - Oct 17, 2016
|Suffering from Bipolar Disorder - mental health of my father. What shaped me as a person.
Undergraduateads301 - Oct 16, 2016 / Holt - Oct 17, 2016
|Curiosity about foreign countries. I think there are negative impacts of tourism.
2 - Nowadays, there are thousands of visitors come to a welcomed country. - review this sentence - it sounds really...
UndergraduateTime - Oct 16, 2016 / Lola12 - Oct 16, 2016
|Working on puzzles had helped me gain focus, determination, and patience. Essay For Common App.
2 - This is a pretty well-written essay! I especially liked the paragraph with "The School of Athens". However, I would...
Undergraduatejohnta123 - Oct 15, 2016 / angeli6778 - Oct 16, 2016
|I watch action and comedy movies. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it - MIT essay
4 - Hey guys, I've prepared one essay based on your suggestions. If there is still more room for improvement,any further...
UndergraduateAvornyo - Oct 15, 2016 / Avornyo - Oct 15, 2016
|UPenn school of nursing supplement essay - Am I answering the question? Is this on the right track?
5 - Could you give me some idea of what I should write? Should I talk about my hospital experiences etc...
Undergraduatejennaz - Oct 12, 2016 / jennaz - Oct 14, 2016
|A Bad Day to Remember. Temple University Admissions Essay. English as second Language.
Undergraduateelyordan - Oct 14, 2016 / justivy03 - Oct 14, 2016
|A free ticket? Does not that sound inspiring? Trip to the capital of the Empire State of Mind
2 - The content is okay and answers the prompt. To conclude the essay, you could summarize what do you plan...
UndergraduateJoseGonzalez98 - Oct 13, 2016 / randompenguin - Oct 14, 2016
|Who are the Nighthawks in Edward Hopper's painting? The UChicago uncommon essay.
UndergraduateTVLAERE - Oct 3, 2016 / TVLAERE - Oct 13, 2016
|I always visioned myself as a doctor; MCPHS essay, is it too basic/boring?
Undergraduatejuliaaba - Oct 12, 2016 / justivy03 - Oct 13, 2016
|"Why should my son learn a language that he will never use?" - Challenge an idea
UndergraduateNaaaaancy - Oct 12, 2016 / Naaaaancy - Oct 12, 2016
|"We're going to downtown San Diego!" Student's background and identity that show they're personality
3 - As he excitedly untied the ropes that kept his sailboat docked, my father exclaimed "We're going to downtown San...
UndergraduateShpun - Oct 10, 2016 / Shpun - Oct 12, 2016
|"Why is America the greatest country in the world?" COMMON APP PERSONAL STATEMENT - Solve a problem
Undergraduatedaisyidk - Oct 8, 2016 / daisyidk - Oct 12, 2016
|Common App Beat Boxing Essay (Prompt Background/Identity/Interest)
2 - Hello, Absolutely well done! 10/10. This is the very first time that someone has answered this prompt correctly....
Undergraduateg1nplus - Oct 9, 2016 / admission2012 - Oct 10, 2016
|PS: CA/ Chinese and Western Cultural identity: personal statement help/common app
2 - As the beautiful yet familiar sceneries pass the window => I think this clause should be put in the...
Undergraduatelucindaliu - Oct 9, 2016 / halinhtrang - Oct 10, 2016
|FIT admissions essay. I would really appreciate some suggestions on my essay.
Undergraduatenancy23 - Oct 8, 2016 / admission2012 - Oct 8, 2016
|Alex Kerr ApplyTexas Essay about the environment in which I grew up
3 - Hi Alex Let me give you some correction... ... my brother was born inat a British military base......
UndergraduateCollegeisneat - Oct 7, 2016 / Yonathan - Oct 7, 2016
|As Georgetown is a diverse community, the Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in
3 - Hello, Your essay is really well written and I enjoyed reading it+++++ What was the prompt that you...
Undergraduateambikav99 - Oct 4, 2016 / admission2012 - Oct 6, 2016
|I am going to apply for Erasmus Mundus undergraduate exchange, this is my Statement of Purpose
Undergraduatehelloworld0000 - Oct 5, 2016 / Ucha MSN - Oct 6, 2016
|Essay on collaboration. Tesla didn't create their world renown electric cars with one engineer.
2 - The next part of the projectPROJECTS, my team assigned SOME roles for each of us to play. Like real...
UndergraduateAwesomerif - Oct 4, 2016 / Ucha MSN - Oct 6, 2016
|College Admission Essay for Claremont McKenna College
Undergraduatemenkh4243 - Oct 5, 2016 / menkh4243 - Oct 5, 2016
|As a middle school lacrosse player I loved Syracuse.
UndergraduateLZ_XC - Oct 4, 2016 / admission2012 - Oct 5, 2016
|UNC Supplement Essay: Tell us a story that helps us better understand...
4 - hello there,, let me give some suggestions for you. I hope that some suggestion can help and increase your...
Undergraduatefleurdj - Oct 4, 2016 / Bekuk22 - Oct 4, 2016
|Umich Supplement-Why essay-passion for Mathematics in LSA
2 - Hello, reedyharbour! Your essay is very good, but I would give you corrections for your essay 1....
Undergraduatereedyharbour - Oct 4, 2016 / erwiin1 - Oct 4, 2016
|To fear change is to fear opportunity- UIUC Transfer Essay
3 - @TJLuschen Thank you very much. I am working on adding in the corrections you suggested right now. If I...
UndergraduateMedunjobi - Oct 3, 2016 / Medunjobi - Oct 4, 2016
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