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|California Tech - Ethical Dilemma (Cheating on a test)
2 - Hello! First of all, it should be "United States of America" in the first sentence. Also, in the...
Undergraduatembanani - Jan 3, 2011 / Wynne Clark - Jan 4, 2011
|An Exercise In Trust: Wrestling + Physics - Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay
UndergraduateAltons - Dec 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 4, 2011
|"Russia: The coldness, polar bears, vodka, and Lenin or Stalin" - diversity
Undergraduateliya1993 - Dec 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 4, 2011
|"Nursing and the naval reserve" - Contribution to Student Life Personal Statement
UndergraduateNSRP - Jan 2, 2011 / NSRP - Jan 4, 2011
|Georgetown: What are your influences for studying business?
5 - The only reason why I don't want to include information about the staff is because they are not an...
Undergraduateblind527 - Jan 3, 2011 / blind527 - Jan 4, 2011
|Physics and Computer Science -- caltech Supplemenent
Undergraduatesaroth - Jan 4, 2011 / Liebe - Jan 4, 2011
|To Infinity and Beyond, green technology-Princeton Engineering
2 - Don't bump threads! Just ask for help from the people you help. I appreciate all the help you have...
UndergraduateShadoPoig - Jan 1, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Jan 4, 2011
|"a career in medicine, specializing in neurosurgery" - University of Chicago
3 - When I read the intro, I am left wondering why neurosurgery is your interest. It would be great if...
Undergraduatethimmaiah - Dec 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 4, 2011
|"diversity doesn't alway work" - WISCONSIN- WHAT DO YOU BRING?
2 - Ok, here is what I think: I like how you use a particular example about Haitian Revolution and your...
UndergraduateMSL123 - Jan 4, 2011 / poweralex2305 - Jan 4, 2011
|"Career for the modern woman, architecture, art, planning" - Cornell commonapp
UndergraduateOlya - Jan 2, 2011 / Olya - Jan 4, 2011
|"my father bought me a Rubik cube; Math Team" - U Michigan Essay
10 - I like your essay! It's personal and explains how your experiences led you toward math. :) Good job!...
UndergraduateSlayers_Boxer - Dec 22, 2010 / ItsokaytoGaga - Jan 4, 2011
|"Love for history and law" - Why University of chicago?
Undergraduatemundaka - Jan 4, 2011 / ItsokaytoGaga - Jan 4, 2011
|How you first knew about BU and what steps did to improve your knowledge? Short essay
3 - I think you must add some things about your professional goals or something like that. You must show that...
Undergraduateanuarbek95 - Dec 26, 2010 / Mariyam_Shine - Jan 4, 2011
|'beyonce sings with such passion'- UChicago optional
4 - Same as above, but to me, this looks more like Beyoncé's biography instead of her impact on your life/vision....
UndergraduateLUDACRISS007 - Jan 3, 2011 / DudeTies - Jan 4, 2011
|"my risk-taking attitude" - on myself that isn't apparent from my academic record
Undergraduateshaswot - Jan 3, 2011 / shaswot - Jan 4, 2011
|majoring in the unafraid + Art + seminar on biological illustration- Barnard Transfer
2 - Hi, I was first made aware oflearned about Barnard College through my application process to its affiliated school,...
Undergraduateokhvan - Jan 3, 2011 / dumi - Jan 4, 2011
|"participating the GEECS and the IEEE" - Umich which unique qualuties...
3 - These are just my personal suggestions. You used too many "be interested in " so I just substituted some...
UndergraduateJIstudent - Dec 30, 2010 / calvinhmw - Jan 3, 2011
|Adding, subtraction, integers, and fractions, the difficult subjects - Gates
4 - hey, im doing gates too. loved your essay nice work so far but expand more on what you believe...
Undergraduatenjanaye - Dec 28, 2010 / tbell31 - Jan 3, 2011
|"a community orientated outlook" - Yale short answer
7 - Similairly to what Laubach said, I would express How it will make you a better person overall....
UndergraduateGregoryg93 - Dec 30, 2010 / tfleet007 - Jan 3, 2011
|Why Columbia? World Leaders Forum & academic freedom
Undergraduatenikamonster - Dec 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2011
|College Essay Homeschooled/diabetes
5 - I have been homeschooled since the 10th grade when I was diagnosed with type one diabetes. I was devastated....
UndergraduateSamtonon16 - Jan 3, 2011 / Samtonon16 - Jan 3, 2011
|Cornell Enginerring Essay- Enviromental Love
5 - Since I discovered the Environmental Engineering major, I had a feeling that it was the career I must pursue....
Undergraduateverom0812 - Jan 3, 2011 / ItsokaytoGaga - Jan 3, 2011
|Academic opportunities; near the best cultural city - "Why Swarthmore?"
5 - This kind of sentence is not good. Academic opportunities should never be 'another reason' for attending a particular...
Undergraduatevladic007 - Dec 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2011
|Achieving academic success, revolutionary research, studying in Paris - Why UChicago?
10 - I resolved to spend my next four years wearing a maroon sweatshirt and exploring my passion for Political Science...
Undergraduatealexis brandon - Jan 3, 2011 / Anonymoussenior - Jan 3, 2011
|UVA: Equality (Favorite Word and why?)
5 - I really like this. The sentence: "I strive to serve all populations because we are all created equally, even...
Undergraduatedonkeykong98732 - Dec 22, 2010 / kisskill16 - Jan 3, 2011
|Honesty is the best policy (or not) - U Chicago essay # 4
5 - Telling a likelie is risky, not only for you but also for the other partiesparty involved. A lie can...
UndergraduateAnonymoussenior - Jan 3, 2011 / alexis brandon - Jan 3, 2011
|"I heard about anthropology" - Cornell supplement essay
2 - And that is exactly what I saw in anthropology; diversity rather than repetitiveness I find this academic field...
Undergraduatezilunaju - Jan 3, 2011 / Mick - Jan 3, 2011
|Barack O'bama is doing nothing for the Americans- Influential Intellectual Experience
6 - Good stuff, good story. Might want to merge one or two of the paragraphs though, it looks like a...
Undergraduatezilunaju - Dec 22, 2010 / Mick - Jan 3, 2011
|"X is unknown" - University of Chicago Supplement, Find X
Undergraduatemundaka - Jan 3, 2011 / ZeroCool2u - Jan 3, 2011
|"DREAM Act; reach a logical stance" - CommonApp Issues of importance
5 - Very well done, but in reality, the DREAM ACT is actually beneficial to this society and just. In fact,...
Undergraduateltpvan - Dec 30, 2010 / ecordo5 - Jan 3, 2011
|"the vice Minister" - My leadership experience-Common App
Undergraduatecalvinhmw - Jan 2, 2011 / mbanani - Jan 3, 2011
|Neuroscience, fascination with brain - Personal Statement
3 - some of the skills parts at the end were unnecessary, but i think the most important point is that...
Undergraduatesqfarczu - Jan 3, 2011 / lapetitecygne - Jan 3, 2011
|"Life full of hardships to make me mature" - Hawaii Pacific Personal Statement
5 - The tumor that was thought to of< have been removed had grown back even stronger than before, strong enough...
UndergraduateBearMillz - Dec 22, 2010 / Mick - Jan 3, 2011
|Favorite Something (Bach) -- UChicago Optional
UndergraduateEnder - Dec 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2011
|"Quelques arpents de neige" - Harvard + Yale supplement essay
8 - I always advise students to let their essays reflect their plan. I always tend to think it is most...
Undergraduateonimpulse - Dec 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2011
|Uniting the best of oth Worlds...and then some: UPenn Supplement
5 - I actually don't think revered is the right word. Balance is something you can value or cherish, but...
Undergraduatelittlechef - Dec 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2011
|Great academic and social community--Why BU
5 - ""Boston University is a great academic and social community." This is one of the many things I have discovered...
Undergraduatealexis brandon - Jan 3, 2011 / ShadoPoig - Jan 3, 2011
|Why UChicago?-Endless Opportunity
3 - Since I intend to play a part in pioneering an era of accessible and affordable alternative energy, I'm seeking...
UndergraduateShadoPoig - Jan 3, 2011 / Anonymoussenior - Jan 3, 2011
|"my dream career of becoming a geologist" - Ohio State University essay help
2 - First, what is the prompt? Ohio State University is one of the most prestigious universities in the nation. The...
Undergraduatediriye23 - Jan 3, 2011 / swoosh18 - Jan 3, 2011
|"The Patient; a Hospice volunteer" Common App Essay 1
2 - I don't think you should change any thing. It answered the question, its a great story to read and...
Undergraduateingenium - Dec 31, 2010 / hsewasew - Jan 3, 2011
|"Mission accomplishment " - UT Austin Transfer, Statement of Purpose
4 - This a second draft for Statement of Purpose essay for the University of Texas at Austin. There is a...
Undergraduatemarine_007 - Dec 26, 2010 / marine_007 - Jan 3, 2011
|(pre- med and study abroad + An Explorer) - Boston
12 - Additionally, with over seventy BU majors to choose from, my major could switch from my current undecided to me...
UndergraduateAnonymoussenior - Dec 29, 2010 / alexis brandon - Jan 3, 2011
|"Growth is essential to a happy and productive life" - Chicago: Extended Essay
6 - Dear Wai, I did not see grammatical errors, maybe because am nit very good at it. Still I really...
Undergraduatebbish520 - Jan 3, 2011 / verom0812 - Jan 3, 2011
|Cornell Engineering essay - I want to bring magic to the real world
3 - I love your idea, i wanted to write about the same thing, but my friends kept mocking me about...
Undergraduatek3148sh - Jan 3, 2011 / mbanani - Jan 3, 2011
|"Bathtub-ers and Shower-ers" Two people in the world- u of chicago supplement
NEW - Here's my answer to the U of Chicago prompt which reads: Essay Option 2. Dog and Cat. Coffee and...
Undergraduateblackpixel23 - Jan 3, 2011 / — -
|Michigan Community Essay - Math team
Undergraduatemyang - Jan 3, 2011 / Anonymoussenior - Jan 3, 2011
|"the industrial world at my feet, and Mother Nature on my back" - where I come from
2 - I can't find much wrong with this essay. Maybe say more about how you'll make a positive impact. ...
Undergraduatefoxconfessor - Jan 3, 2011 / swoosh18 - Jan 3, 2011
|My view on stereotyped beliefs; Amherst Supplement
4 - "Rui, are you absolutely sure you want to switch to philosophy?" Mark, the dean of studies looked at me...
Undergraduatepeirui422 - Dec 22, 2010 / swoosh18 - Jan 3, 2011
|"Assume that q(x) = " - UChicago Find X essay
5 - This essay is interesting, however, I think you might want to cut it down some. The limit for the...
UndergraduateAdventuress - Jan 2, 2011 / alexis brandon - Jan 3, 2011
|"A research assistant at my lab" - App Extracurricular activity
6 - Good job on this essay! My one correction: I was shocked to see how much respect a high school...
UndergraduateamazingA - Dec 22, 2010 / swoosh18 - Jan 3, 2011
|Caltech biology - short essay about humor
Undergraduatechlrkd123 - Jan 3, 2011 / swoosh18 - Jan 3, 2011
|Each Ivy League is unique + To love math - Brown Supplemental Short Answers
5 - Hey, that combination of three things at the end of the first one is probably not the list of...
Undergraduatefnm193 - Dec 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2011
|My Girl Scouts Camp Experince and Its Challenges
4 - ...to make it clearer.----For a long time I wrongly used 'more clear,' so I thought it would be...
UndergraduateCarban93 - Dec 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2011
|UChicago's Find x: The Missing Ingredient
2 - wow! nicely done! I enjoyed reading this, and I do like this idea for this prompt. I can tell...
UndergraduateShadoPoig - Jan 3, 2011 / turntablespp - Jan 3, 2011
|"A Devil's Bargain"-Duke Engineering Essay
4 - Very creative approach, and extremely entertaining as well :) couldn't help laughing when I read the first sentence of...
UndergraduateShadoPoig - Jan 2, 2011 / YK1 - Jan 3, 2011
|The pessimists and the optimists: two types of people chicago essay
UndergraduateYK1 - Jan 3, 2011 / ShadoPoig - Jan 3, 2011
|"The rising national debt" Local, national, or global issues: What do I pick and why?
6 - Honestly, I don't like that sentence because you sound a little accusing and childish. I feel like...
Undergraduateblind527 - Dec 28, 2010 / ltpvan - Jan 3, 2011
|"Finding Nemo among the stars" - Cornell supplement. Why College of arts and sciences
UndergraduateItsokaytoGaga - Jan 3, 2011 / ZHaque93 - Jan 3, 2011
|passion for biology - Cornell College of the Arts and Sciences (Biology)
3 - Awesome essay! Little molecules of carbon dioxide changing the temperature of the earth? And catastrophe ensues? Yeah, sure....
UndergraduateZHaque93 - Jan 2, 2011 / swoosh18 - Jan 3, 2011
|"the Council of Foreign Arab Ministers" - MUN - Extra curricular Essay
2 - Hello, I have also participated in MUNs and your essay really shows your passion toward it. The only think...
Undergraduatembanani - Jan 1, 2011 / verom0812 - Jan 3, 2011
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