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|(spend money wisely) + (small village diversity) +(friend from school) NYU Supplement
Undergraduatethkern - Jan 1, 2011 / issallme5 - Jan 1, 2011
|"Computer Science program" - Bates College Supplement
2 - erm it's better if you can include something from the CS course which made you go for Bates. Tell...
UndergraduateOregon12 - Jan 1, 2011 / Pub91 - Jan 1, 2011
|"March to the Beat of your own drum" -Wake Forest short essay
4 - I think you are ready to send! sounds nice. you chose a topic not too conventional, but interpreted individually....
Undergraduatealexis brandon - Jan 1, 2011 / amjeezy - Jan 1, 2011
|"Jesus Christ's take on the purpose of religion" - NYU Supplement
8 - Cliche selection- excellent approach! since ur christian maybe you should mention that? like how you want to know the...
Undergraduateyeabuddi - Jan 1, 2011 / pretss - Jan 1, 2011
|MIT short answer (a busy life, full of activities)
Undergraduateysjking2009 - Jan 1, 2011 / Pub91 - Jan 1, 2011
|Brown - global community, practice makes perfect, a competitive gymnast
4 - Yeah, this language is not very engaging. I get lost and have to reread lines. Add some humor and...
Undergraduatelk0124 - Jan 1, 2011 / TheFreeMason11 - Jan 1, 2011
|Harvest time and teaching season, my summers, Princeton supplement
Undergraduatesina - Dec 31, 2010 / perplexity215 - Jan 1, 2011
|"To reduce the begging population in China" - What do you see yourself doing at UPenn
3 - "I fully apprehended that Asian's social norms are not easily understood during brief visits by tourists." Apprehended isn't the...
Undergraduatelollipops4all - Dec 31, 2010 / madcaodisease - Jan 1, 2011
|"My academic interests in engineering and my friend" - Lehigh Admissions
5 - Take your last sentence and put it in the beginning. Then, explain why you felt that "wow". Also,...
Undergraduateleslie09 - Dec 30, 2010 / jasen - Jan 1, 2011
|Volunteering: JHU - activities outside of class.
2 - Hmmm... Overall this is a well-written essay..you've covered all the points they have prompted, but I feel the ending...
Undergraduaterajsmooth23 - Jan 1, 2011 / hyebyekadal - Jan 1, 2011
|'Bouncing up and down on my tiptoes'; "Strength from weakness", Common App
Undergraduatesfw - Dec 31, 2010 / perplexity215 - Jan 1, 2011
|Diversity + academics that match my interests (biology) - Why Emory supplement
UndergraduateHero - Jan 1, 2011 / Hero - Jan 1, 2011
|"we put more of our lives in the hands of machines" - Stanford Intellectual Idea
3 - At first you say that we will probably reach the singularity in your lifetime, and then give evidence of...
Undergraduatejldugan123 - Dec 14, 2010 / jasen - Jan 1, 2011
|"How can we not care about American Indians?" - Common App Essay
Undergraduatejasen - Dec 14, 2010 / jasen - Jan 1, 2011
|My journey to Northwestern (Psychology and Law and Psychology and Health)
12 - I think it follows the prompt well. You give sufficient information that who you are comes across. I love...
Undergraduatealexis brandon - Dec 31, 2010 / lk0124 - Jan 1, 2011
|"I plan to pursue is biology and become a doctor" - Why Emory College essay
4 - Since my major is biology, I am particularly interested in the biology program offered by Science Experience Abroad in...
Undergraduatemaxyoo998 - Jan 1, 2011 / Hero - Jan 1, 2011
|"youth organization (SDCA) in Bangladesh" - Why Vassar?
NEW - Hey guys some quick help for this supplemental essay will be much appreciated! And do be harsh =) ...
UndergraduateNaseef - Jan 1, 2011 / — -
|ARGENTINA - CMC Leadership Essay
6 - Definitely try and put your personal motto at the end of the essay - or reinforce it. You want...
Undergraduatefc barca - Dec 29, 2010 / apservello - Jan 1, 2011
|"wanted to be an inventor" - Common App - My Childhood
Undergraduatembanani - Jan 1, 2011 / apservello - Jan 1, 2011
|"Eating Dishtowel Tacos" - Emerson Short Answer
2 - Hi, I don't see any grammatical errors anymore, since the person before me kindly corrected them. Just wanted to...
Undergraduateplaysthething - Jan 1, 2011 / ukkuma - Jan 1, 2011
|Archery, Swimming, Reading, building - Stuff you do for the pleasure of it - MIT
12 - Hey... for the first essay , i would go with the first 1... its beautfully written and even with...
Undergraduatembanani - Dec 27, 2010 / sidsaboo - Jan 1, 2011
|"perfect matches are hard to come by" - Why Vassar?
4 - On a cold Sunday visit to Vassar, freezing in Rocky, I could still feel that free;(delete semicolon) barefoot on...
Undergraduatenirvanaligh - Dec 28, 2010 / turntablespp - Jan 1, 2011
|"helping alienated people" - CommonApp - HARVARD , PRINCETON
4 - Perhaps you've seen striking pictures that may be depicted as outdated patrons of individual's public relations during Christmas seasons:...
Undergraduatechlrkd123 - Jan 1, 2011 / GroovyStar - Jan 1, 2011
|"a roommate who will never fail to do the best he can" - Babson essay
Undergraduatequocanh91 - Jan 1, 2011 / quocanh91 - Jan 1, 2011
|"Current-day medical practice" - Cornell Supplement
NEW - Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest...
Undergraduateyoyott - Jan 1, 2011 / — -
|"Drivers in Saudi Arabia" Stanford roommate- feedback
5 - your idea in the essay is lost, i'm not sure what you are talking about. are you talking about...
UndergraduateR1993 - Dec 31, 2010 / hasgc - Jan 1, 2011
|"My father took me out to play golf" (experience) - trouble ending my essay for GWU
NEW - The prompt asks how a experience, something you've tried, or a person you know has shaped your thinking. I...
UndergraduateUkeboy - Jan 1, 2011 / — -
|CMC Essay "Atticus Finch" Applying EDII
Undergraduatenamibest - Jan 1, 2011 / abatado - Jan 1, 2011
|Observing snails: Topic of your choice
NEW - Feel free to criticize my essay harshly :) The creature stirs ever so slowly in the soil. Feeling...
Undergraduatetodtngkswks - Jan 1, 2011 / — -
|DNA + Thai (roommate) + programs for avant-garde students - Stanford Supplement
2 - Surely our 'life's literature' is continuously being composed through our interactions with the world around us, but as roommates...
Undergraduatecaboard493 - Jan 1, 2011 / abatado - Jan 1, 2011
|there is no "short-cuts" in our life - Strong determination - MIT
Undergraduatechunf - Dec 30, 2010 / chunf - Jan 1, 2011
|My mom's lungs were about to get fried, Chemistry class (John Hopkins)
5 - I think it is well writen, but i think you should write in more details especially about the conference...
Undergraduateamjeezy - Jan 1, 2011 / chunf - Jan 1, 2011
|"the nation's first medical school" - academic, research paths
4 - There are a lot of incorrect word choices and ungrammatical phrases. I understand that English probably isn't your native...
Undergraduatefoly17 - Dec 31, 2010 / etaang - Jan 1, 2011
|Night Flying - Common Application Personal Essay.
3 - Well first off, I've been told that, considering the essay is supposed to be a personal statement, it's really...
Undergraduatemadcaodisease - Dec 31, 2010 / madcaodisease - Jan 1, 2011
|I was Suspended and spent a day in ISS: CommonApp
5 - i really enjoyed your essay, and i believe you should leave the last sentence. I realy dont have much...
Undergraduatenritya - Dec 31, 2010 / computerjunkie - Jan 1, 2011
|Unusual circumstance; when I had to bow three thousand times - harvard essay
2 - Frankly speaking, it was convenient; all I had to do was just to follow my family, from going to...
Undergraduateylee11 - Jan 1, 2011 / namibest - Jan 1, 2011
|Motivation - Common app essay: learning from a failure
2 - Your piece is decently written but the piano and learning from your mistakes are literally some of the most...
Undergraduateidive5 - Jan 1, 2011 / etaang - Jan 1, 2011
|"the true beginning of my education" - BROWN supplement
Undergraduaterose258 - Dec 26, 2010 / sumitmanu - Jan 1, 2011
|"the sense of familiarity" What influences your desire to attend Connecticut College?
2 - With Connecticut's generous financial aid, I'm convinced that my journey to pursue a bachelor degree in US came true....
Undergraduateomm13 - Dec 31, 2010 / idive5 - Jan 1, 2011
|"I often give people the wrong first impression" -Babson Essay to Prospective Roomate
2 - well organized, but you might want to explain more about the 1st impression you give and why others might...
Undergraduatemhjohnson05 - Dec 31, 2010 / idive5 - Jan 1, 2011
|Lehigh University Supplements; why did you decide for Lehigh? It suits my needs.
5 - If it says do one of the following then you are only required to submit one essay; however, you...
Undergraduatefelixs07 - Dec 6, 2008 / Anonymoussenior - Jan 1, 2011
|"career in economics" - supplement, why Chicago?
6 - Hey, Kevin thanks for commenting. Actually, Capitalism and Freedom is the book written about monetary policies in countries and...
UndergraduateJayzee - Dec 20, 2010 / Jayzee - Jan 1, 2011
|James my barber (determination and courage essay)
3 - First of all, you can cut phrases like "as unconventional as it seems" and "it may seem unusual" that...
Undergraduateamjeezy - Dec 31, 2010 / etaang - Jan 1, 2011
|"we will be the best of friends" - Dear roommate stanford
Undergraduateddori92 - Dec 31, 2010 / closethefridge - Jan 1, 2011
|Bob Dylan and Dental Hygiene: BROWN supplement
4 - I mean, I really liked where the essay was going prior to the shift. The imagery and stylistic choices...
Undergraduatebananaphone - Dec 31, 2010 / etaang - Jan 1, 2011
|"Learning with Purpose" - Commonapp essay
4 - wooow I completely relate to your essay. I'm Korean and I have difficulty speaking Korean! anyways, I thought...
Undergraduatejohn883 - Dec 31, 2010 / bananaphone - Dec 31, 2010
|"Engineering for Energy"-Columbia Engineering Supplement
17 - hello again! the only thing that bothers me is the tense in the last paragraph. for example, "Studying under...
UndergraduateShadoPoig - Dec 30, 2010 / computerjunkie - Dec 31, 2010
|Yale (Why, Criminal Minds, Tetris, Stonehenge, Daily Routine)
UndergraduateReaper1Shi - Dec 31, 2010 / Reaper1Shi - Dec 31, 2010
|Responsibility, Humility and Kennedy -> Amherst Supplement
3 - I think this essay is pretty good: It answers the prompt well and still managing to mention your accomplishments...
Undergraduateetaang - Dec 31, 2010 / CrimeanGurl - Dec 31, 2010
|"Moving from Pakistan, a calm and conservative country to the US" - YALE ESSAY
3 - well, f****. I submitted it. Ahhh well. I didn't care too much about getting into Yale. (Blatant lie.)...
UndergraduateReaper1Shi - Dec 31, 2010 / Reaper1Shi - Dec 31, 2010
|"Difficulty need not foreshadow despair: how I defeated my mother" AMHERST SUPPLEMENT
6 - Thanks for advice, Eric! I have actually already changed my mind about using this essay, but if I did...
UndergraduateCrimeanGurl - Dec 29, 2010 / CrimeanGurl - Dec 31, 2010
|"uh oh cliche! the actions of President Woodrow Wilson" - princeton essay
5 - I have to agree with iceui. How did Woodrow Wilson impact YOU? This is a personal statement, not a...
Undergraduateamjeezy - Dec 31, 2010 / draconlord - Dec 31, 2010
|"The Snake Head has affected me" - Yale Essay transformational book
8 - All arguments on when the deadline is aside, I would have to agree with the first poster in that...
Undergraduatedraconlord - Dec 31, 2010 / etaang - Dec 31, 2010
|"The Dance teacher welcomes us" - indicate a significant influence on you
2 - I think it has good context; however, this is too short for the common application. If this is for...
UndergraduateLILYVEGA21 - Dec 31, 2010 / ukkuma - Dec 31, 2010
|MIT: "improvisation" (challenge essay)
4 - I agree with ramiss, it was very well done but the last sentence feels out of place. Your description...
Undergraduatejjenny9301 - Dec 31, 2010 / Tumor - Dec 31, 2010
|Santa Clause-Somebody That Influenced Me a Lot
Undergraduatemikeehnow - Dec 27, 2010 / writerblock - Dec 31, 2010
|(a prestigious, four-year college) + Frankenstein + to study art + sassy - Occidental
2 - I have applied to many beautiful and academically rigorous colleges, and so far Occidental stands out to me the...
Undergraduatebobbynr - Dec 29, 2010 / EF_Susan - Dec 31, 2010
|MIT Help: "Self-motivation"; "Being Lebanese"; "Overcoming an Injury"
2 - Your "most significant challenge" essay is very cliche - it doesn't stand out. I would try using something unique....
Undergraduateramiss - Dec 31, 2010 / iceui2 - Dec 31, 2010
|"Empathy & the blue tin" - princeton supplement
4 - It's good essay overall. However, this statement is unclear: "I have never forgotten the lessons I have learned from...
UndergraduateParkerwebster - Dec 30, 2010 / iceui2 - Dec 31, 2010
|"My dream has been to go to medical school" NEEDS CRITIQUE
NEW - During the first nine months of my junior year, I volunteered at Palomar Pomerado Hospital as a student intern...
Undergraduatekrngangsuh - Dec 31, 2010 / — -
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