Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate [25,839] - page 297 of 431

Undergraduate

Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 297)

Replies | Threads
Dragon Boat - Rutgers University Undergraduate Admissions Essay

4 - I think you should "sharpen" the theme. That means you should make it LESS general and MORE specific. You...

Undergraduateevanxyeung - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
Pizza Lab Revelations: A CommonApp Essay on a Person of Influence

4 - Yes! The writing is great... I'll look for problems... "hopelessly eludes her..." What does hopelessly modify here? Elude? It...

Undergraduateswimmer400 - Oct 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
Tepper School of Business & International management; Why Carnegie Mellon?

6 - Yes, this is the right question. What is the real reason? This is not a contest to see whose...

Undergraduaterobkim320 - Jan 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
My grandmother's struggles in the Philippines- Cornell CALS Prompt

2 - Hey, welcome ot EssayForum. I wish you had not been forced to wait so long before getting a response....

UndergraduateCUJill - Oct 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
(lifelong career as a nurse) Why I want to be a Buckeye OSU APP ESSAY

3 - When I first began selecting prospective schools to visit, and eventually apply to, I was set on going away...

Undergraduatekbutler - Oct 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
"obtaining a masters degree in Human Resource Management" - Rutgers admission

3 - Thank you so much for your input. I have taken it into account and have revised my essay. I...

Undergraduatemillostransfer - Oct 27, 2010 / millostransfer - Nov 3, 2010
"explore the world from a new perspective" - What makes Stanford a good place for you

4 - Careful here.. solutions are not to be solved... The solutions to world issues cannot be solved found...

Undergraduatecaptaincrunch - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
"academic standards and international ties" - cmc admission essay suplimental

3 - write more about yourself and fix some of the spelling errors. nice job so far :)...

Undergraduatejhbrendle - Nov 2, 2010 / ericad - Nov 3, 2010
"how caring people have influenced me" college essay

6 - I think that you should write about an experienced you have had with a caring person and go in...

Undergraduateaustiix3 - Oct 10, 2010 / jas2011 - Nov 3, 2010
"I'm a fellow procrastinator" - My commonapp essay

5 - Here's my two cents. I understand what your going for, but I think this is a little bit too...

UndergraduateToujours_pur - Oct 31, 2010 / Zenoa - Nov 3, 2010
Essay about destruction and construction -- my commonapp main essay

3 - I don't know... what is the "root" of the world? Surely not construction... construction is something people do...

UndergraduateVera Song - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
"You never know who's watching" - experience that impacted you, common app essay

4 - Don't be prepared that... be prepared for. Or be advised that... "Be advised that the other player ... ...

Undergraduatetomato - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
"What I Will Become" - How the College Curriculum will help me with my Interests

4 - The last comma in this sentence is unnecessary: "Is it going to hurt?" I asked Dr.Khan, my pediatrician, as...

UndergraduateEditor1010 - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
"grew up in two different societies" - How has your neighborhood shaped you?!

3 - When I reminiscence back on about my childhood, the diversity in my neighborhood and cultural family aspects ...

Undergraduatemidnight - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
Help to make "My Mother, My influence" ending stronger - UT undergrad prompt

3 - Here, she made sure that I was given opportunities that were not possible available for her. ----just an...

Undergraduatesimplicity - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
Don't be shocked when you see her name...! Common App essay

5 - I don't think English interfered. It was "limited English" that interfered. Months passed, a nd I built friendships...

Undergraduateloveringo - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
"My first oral report" - a concise narrative about a meaningfule event, experience

3 - hearable audible I think you should replace the comma after fantastic with a semi-colon. Also, I left...

Undergraduatepilates22 - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
"immigrated to America from Barbados" - Summer Bridge Essay:

3 - My Name is Vernica Williams, i am an 18 year old Senior at Forest Hill High School, and I...

Undergraduaterudeboy - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2010
"Looking down the Second Floor" - Stanford Supplement -- Intellectual Vitality

5 - Where exactly do you express your intellectual vitality? the imagery is great, but maybe you should define your argument...

UndergraduateJJlu - Oct 24, 2010 / colorcode - Nov 2, 2010
"How moving around unexpectedly changed me" UC Prompt #2: feedback?

5 - This essay gave me an idea of the person you became because of moving, but it is a bit...

Undergraduatekeepmeyoung - Oct 10, 2010 / DDH35 - Nov 2, 2010
"Post 9/11 backlash violence" Local/national concern admissions essay

8 - You were less than 10 when this happened. Please don't make up stuff and say "I held back my...

Undergraduatemidnight - Oct 27, 2010 / iceui2 - Nov 2, 2010
fit essay for fashion merchandising fall 2010

5 - I feel like you're missing the college's objectives here. They want you to touch on all of these topics...

Undergraduateericad - Oct 24, 2010 / daisiekae - Nov 2, 2010
Early riser / College options ('letter to roommate' / 'Why Stanford is good for you')

7 - Yeah, that P.S. is funny... but I just wish it was set up better by the letter. What I...

UndergraduateWeekyl - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
"what the street was" - neighborhood you grew up in and how it shaped you as person.

2 - "When reminiscing back to my childhood years..." you can remove "back" as the word reminiscing implies that you're thinking...

UndergraduateMargieJeanPierr - Nov 2, 2010 / shloop - Nov 2, 2010
"my mother nicknamed me Rosebud" - yale supplement

4 - In the snow, its wrought-iron glimmers with romantic brown metal from the 1920s.----I took out a comma. passerby's------I...

Undergraduatepowell2468 - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
Medical; "dedicated modest, honest, and informed" Rutgers Topic in Personal Statment

2 - This should either be "when I have to walk PAST an individual" or "when I have to pass...

Undergraduatedmacken - Oct 27, 2010 / sonnofali - Nov 2, 2010
"my father came home after being laid off " - MY FATHER'S STRUGGLE-UF PROMPT

4 - That intro about the father losing his job... it's very intriguing, and it makes the reader want to read...

Undergraduatedhill0302 - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
A Second chance... what would you do differently (opportunity for a prized education)

5 - The end (whether they are good or bad) seems a bit unnecessary. To make the sentence more concise,...

Undergraduatetk101 - Oct 27, 2010 / neoreader - Nov 2, 2010
"volunteering at Huntington Hospital + medical records department" Common App

3 - Many of these patients engage me in conversation, sharing their life experiences and even asking about mine. I...

Undergraduatejenkneefur - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
"Clarinet; the unforgettable moments" - UIUC Prompt #2

5 - I had never thought such beautiful music could flow from a black wooden tube until before I passed by...

Undergraduatelifesimply - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
"Soccer is my favorite sport" - extracurricular activity, common app

2 - Here is a little correction: It refreshes me; when I play I feel free and happy. (A semi-colon functions...

Undergraduatedoyin1 - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
"Volunteer desire, the Community House" -U of I community service essay

3 - I worked there I realized how important it is to give back to the community --- This is kind...

Undergraduatejh1118 - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
"international group of respected politicians" - the most appealing about Columbia?

3 - As a young adult seeking to bring about social change through government service, I feel that I need a...

UndergraduateHarvestBristle - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
"My sister (I was mean)" -Essay about someone who has made an impact on my life.

5 - Thank you so much for the replies!! I can totally see what you guys mean by writing more about...

Undergraduateswirllambm - Nov 1, 2010 / swirllambm - Nov 2, 2010
"I'm a human with flaws" - personal essay (hardships, challenges, opportunities)

3 - I am human. That basic idea right there incorporates the fact that I make mistakes. You should not say...

UndergraduateRaviTG - Oct 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
Blessed: my stay in the Gambia (significant experience, risk..)

4 - Cool, I don't think I have ever heard this phrase. ...cool air of air conditioner , a...

Undergraduatedonkeykong98732 - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
"My father, being a minority - Influential Person" Essay

3 - It is hard being a minority. For over a century, the liberalization of immigrant entry and America's reputation as...

Undergraduateaskwolves - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
AVID teacher, Peer Assistant Leadership - someone who has made an impact on your life

6 - being apart a part of the PALS... I started talking to my friend, Leo, who was in PALs....

Undergraduatesmuzio21 - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
"What? Environmentalist? Or a tree hugger?" UC prompt

5 - It feels like a sentence is missing from the end of the first paragraph. It seems incomplete. Can you...

Undergraduateloveringo - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
"The American farmer" Which extracurricular or academicr paths do you want to pursue

3 - zealous business career plan.----I need to know more about this zealous plan. Environmental policy should be implemented within...

Undergraduatejsummitt - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
Personal statement from sophomore in high school - small town (Vallejo)

3 - I think this is a great sentence. Great writing... Oh, now that I read the topics, I...

Undergraduatekamishaww - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
Chased by a dog. College admissions essay. West Chester.

3 - Yes, it is funny, not dumb! Especially here. But put the period inside the " marks like this:...

Undergraduateastrozombie - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
" Life with a handicapped mother..." COMMON APP ESSAY

10 - That's "art imitates life" above--but I think you get the picture! :) Hope our perspective is helpful!...

Undergraduatesalibut2020 - Nov 1, 2010 / ivyeyesediting - Nov 2, 2010
"My Haven" - Common application essay

3 - Hello, This is awesome. I really love the way you expressed every moments in court. However, it is...

Undergraduateneoreader - Oct 31, 2010 / Super - Nov 2, 2010
"Go to the head of the class!" - essay help- UF application

7 - Hello. I presume you have submitted this essay. Would like to add one comment. I realized you only said...

Undergraduatemykai21 - Nov 1, 2010 / Super - Nov 2, 2010
""Who here will be the best band section?" - UC Prompt #2 A brighter future

2 - Humans are all the same. They eat, sleep, breathe and repeat this everyday of their lives. (awkward) However, people...

UndergraduateDDH35 - Nov 2, 2010 / sungkyu1988 - Nov 2, 2010
"Super-heroes" - Columbia & NYU (Admission essay)

19 - How about this: "Initiation was nothing uncommon during the mid-nineties, as they were every where, invading every child's...

Undergraduatemightygrinch - Oct 19, 2010 / wooleyj - Nov 2, 2010
A Tough Essay Prompt - Pepperdine's mission and community of faith, learning, service

3 - It's all about sharing your plan. Most people do not have a plan, especially college age people. We humans...

Undergraduatelonelyazncboie - Oct 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2010
Jakarta, Indonesia (where you come from) + "tinkering with objects" (talent, quality)

4 - I'll look at this second one first... I like this first sentence!! I love to tinker with objects. ---...

Undergraduatetossany - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2010
"producing and editing videos, Yearbook club" -which specific program essay For UPENN

2 - This should be capitalized if it is the name of the school: Technology High School, is this really the...

UndergraduateNgozi93 - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2010
Speech & Debate - Common App EC's Short Essay

3 - Your topic sentence should be more forceful to grab attention. Explain how and why S and D caused personal...

UndergraduateKelpieKelsie - Nov 1, 2010 / lizziem - Nov 1, 2010
Figure Drawing - Cornell Architecture - Supplement

5 - I really wish there was more that I could offer, but it seems that everything has been touched on....

Undergraduatelalalalisa - Oct 31, 2010 / neoreader - Nov 1, 2010
Renovating a dilapidated house- Common App SA

4 - I, along with a A group of my fellow Youth Corps members and I decided to repair ...-----I like...

UndergraduateSamiam - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2010
Dantes inferno Bball Court -- WHY STANFORD

8 - I have finally realizes what is special about Stanford; its people...Do you mean realized? Is this the supplemental essay?...

Undergraduatetennislover - Oct 26, 2010 / bowler8 - Nov 1, 2010
Describe your environment, "Buffy the vampire slayer"

4 - Hi Yvonne, sorry! I have been struggling lately to keep up with all the essays. :-) decade-long...

Undergraduateyloot - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2010
"Fatty Fadi (laugh now:)" - Stanford University: Letter to Roommate

5 - Well what about that very funny introduction? The whole essay has a great style. haha is...

Undergraduatefsaleh2011 - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2010
Optional Essay-Talking about my personality, interests, etc.

6 - Less is more, sometimes: ... and discovered my passion for working with computers. I loved looking for bugs...

Undergraduatenavalava - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2010
Both Sides of the Gap: A Princeton Supplement Essay (Option 3)

2 - I like your essay. I don't think it is great in that it does not flow fluidly BUT it...

Undergraduateswimmer400 - Nov 1, 2010 / lizziem - Nov 1, 2010
"I am addicted to music" - Application Essay to University of Michigan

6 - Hey Im having the same essay problem. Your essay has a lot of voice, but I strongly suggest describing...

Undergraduatemaster yumyums - Sep 20, 2010 / Orca29 - Nov 1, 2010
"Baby Sofia and Mexico" - How can I make my Personal Statement stronger?

4 - Hey kevin, I was wondering if you could read my updated personal statement and give some final feedback on...

Undergraduatejuliogarcia93 - Oct 25, 2010 / juliogarcia93 - Nov 1, 2010

Home / Undergraduate