Undergraduate

"Sibling Class" - Something you do for the pleasure of it

9 - Hmmm, i would hang out with friends once in a while, so as to relieve stress. Alternatively, i will...

Undergraduaterayban11 - Aug 28, 2010 / jiajun95 - Sep 2, 2010

While volunteering at hospital I got the chance to first-hand observe doctors in action

6 - Hey Khawater, thanks for reading and your reply :) I guess what I was trying to show there...

UndergraduatePrateek - Aug 29, 2010 / Prateek - Sep 2, 2010

"This will be my last summer class at Saint Thomas", Another Concise Narrative

4 - like I said before, I believe "naive" has some kind of accent. Otherwise I love it....

UndergraduateMajorTom - Aug 30, 2010 / Cruzicus - Sep 1, 2010

Monitoring clinical research trials is'nt what I want for rest of my life; PA - PS

4 - I agree that maybe it's not the best idea to make it sound like PA is your second choice....

UndergraduateYertle0 - Aug 30, 2010 / briformby - Sep 1, 2010

"Beauty" -- express in a more descriptive way? brave and creative

5 - Puffing, sighing, enduring the great pain of with every single step, it was not the little mermaid walking...

Undergraduatehuyijia92 - Aug 31, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 1, 2010

'I grew up here, in Ohio' - Why are you interested in Ohio State?

5 - Okay, this is good, but I think it will be better if you talk more about your philosophy of...

Undergraduatenak2011 - Aug 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 1, 2010

"my own unique and irreplaceable personality" - FSU Application Essay

3 - This will be much better if you give an intro paragraph that tells the main ideas you want to...

Undergraduatecourtney218 - Aug 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 1, 2010

USMA app essay, why do you want to attend USMA and become an active duty officer

3 - I do very well in critical environments such as the military, and I learned this when I went on...

UndergraduateC02091937 - Aug 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 1, 2010

My interest in business, Common App Essay comparison between the two

5 - I think it is always good to include a title. the title is as powerful as the thesis...

Undergraduatedolphin92 - Aug 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 1, 2010

Subsonic Delight, something that you find fun or humorous (Caltech)

8 - I agree with Kevin, although not completely. I think you can write about anything, even if it involves...

Undergraduatefreezard7734 - Aug 29, 2010 / ershad193 - Sep 1, 2010

UC prompt1: describe your world and how it shaped your aspirations...

14 - Ah, well, this'll have to be condensed into a paragraph or two and used with an essay that...

Undergraduatefreezard7734 - Aug 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 1, 2010

The Negative Effect of Modern Text Communication - Common Application Essay

4 - Thank you very much...I will incorperate your input! Murffly...

UndergraduateMurffly - Aug 29, 2010 / Murffly - Aug 31, 2010

"to major in the Medical field" - Application essay (the Ohio State)

7 - Yes, that makes sense, thank you! Thanks Nakk, I will read yours too!...

Undergraduatektsmith316 - Aug 25, 2010 / ktsmith316 - Aug 31, 2010

"I'm a salsa student" - Stanford supplement commonapp- Roommate note

4 - Thanks everybody , Im going to fix it....

Undergraduatedfrojas - Aug 25, 2010 / dfrojas - Aug 31, 2010

Ideal Beauty-Undergrad admission

4 - As I read this, I see that your theme is the way media makes girls feel like they must...

Undergraduatesapphire31 - Aug 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 31, 2010

I am an atheist: Struggle for personal growth - Common App: Personal Essay

4 - Capitalize Catholic in that first use of it. Hey, isn't Opus Dey that group mentioned in the Dan...

UndergraduateShadow93 - Aug 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 31, 2010

I taught English to underserved kids- most significant non-academic accomplishment?

3 - It was humbling to be able to reach so many lives at once, and this experience still remains one...

UndergraduateGreenLED - Aug 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 31, 2010

"I hope the past will bring good fortune" -Need help editing my All About Me Paper

3 - If you want to talk about the name, make it a theme for the essay. What is the underlying...

UndergraduateMitted - Aug 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 31, 2010

Proud of my ethnicity ("a proud Filipino") - UCF essays

3 - I am not Chinese, nor am I Japanese. ----- this makes it a complete sentence. I am a...

Undergraduatepatricia5827 - Aug 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 31, 2010

Best advice essay on "Hakuna matata" (from The Lion King)

4 - Well... it is a great discussion, and a great idea. To cut out those words, I would lop off...

Undergraduatenavalava - Aug 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 31, 2010

My parents + stem cell engineer

3 - November fifteenth, (This part is an unnecessary, distracting detail. On the day after my eighteenth birthday, I returned to...

UndergraduatePenndreamer - Aug 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 31, 2010

"Literature is the best way to overcome death"- Amherst Supplement- Reply to quote

10 - I'll keep working! And yes, this has been such a difficult essay to write....

UndergraduateMichael48304 - Aug 28, 2010 / Michael48304 - Aug 31, 2010

About Athletics, Undergrad Common App Short Essay - one of you activities

5 - 10 Ten Put a period at the end! This looks good. :-)...

Undergraduateblueberry6 - Aug 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 31, 2010

'My parents have given their lives for me' - the world you come from

2 - I come from a neighborhood where violence is present on the daily basis. My family and I have tried...

Undergraduatelola033 - Aug 30, 2010 / sandeepkale - Aug 30, 2010

the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, your reason for choosing FIDM

5 - EF_Kevin OMG Thankyou SOO MUCH Kevin!!! i'm sorry, i didn't post 2 more edits, because my paper is...

UndergraduateHiLoTurtle - Aug 29, 2010 / HiLoTurtle - Aug 30, 2010

"The study abroad program really caught my attention" -essay for transfering to UT

7 - The message of my essay is to explain my educational background, to show how i came to decide on...

Undergraduatecrchica33 - Aug 26, 2010 / crchica33 - Aug 30, 2010

Business letter to an associate from abroad, philosophy of Negotiation [in Business]

5 - Thanks Kevin. I hope the professor likes the letter as much as you and Ershad did....

Undergraduatebenjy613 - Aug 29, 2010 / benjy613 - Aug 30, 2010

How to improve essay on aditional information for Indian School of Business?

5 - Hi Kevin, Thanks for the corrections. I have used the same strategy as advised by you and have submitted...

Undergraduatecaprigaurav - Aug 23, 2010 / caprigaurav - Aug 30, 2010

"My step grandmother died of type 1 diabetes" - Common App essay Topic 2.

4 - I have never heard that rule. It makes sense, though, because it can be one of those situations...

Undergraduatezamarripajorge1 - Aug 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 30, 2010

"College In My Thirties" - the positive or negative aspects of coming to college

3 - Keep those verb tenses the same: What I did take pleasure in is was being with friends and...

Undergraduatebradberry916 - Aug 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 30, 2010

"Hair of Silver with a Heart of Gold"

4 - I only have to read that first sentence to know you are a great writer. However, I want to...

Undergraduateshmagus - Aug 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 30, 2010

Fat Kid on The Swim Team: Common App Essay

11 - With all due respect to your brother's input, I think the original ending is the best by far. It's...

UndergraduateMichael48304 - Aug 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 30, 2010

The National Honors Society president: Common app "additional info" HELP

4 - This is a well-articulated idea... I think it is worth considering. Rey and Michael, thanks for this great...

UndergraduateEmily Cons - Aug 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 30, 2010

"outstanding abroad program" - Short answer to BU application.

3 - I agree. The good thing to do is have a theme and focus a little on your plan for...

Undergraduatesamishobe - Aug 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 29, 2010

What department? - "the opportunity to solve real-world problems"

3 - I don't want to spend four years studying <--- I do not college essays dont like it when you...

Undergraduaterayban11 - Aug 29, 2010 / patricia5827 - Aug 29, 2010

distinguished academics coupled with exuberant traditional school spirit, Ohio

4 - It will be nice if you talk a little about your passion for architecture. Why this instead of a...

Undergraduateaurora33 - Aug 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 28, 2010

Stanford Supplements-Guinea Pig & Thought process essays.

12 - Good point. The word for this is "non sequator" although I'm not sure if I spelled it correctly. Why...

Undergraduatetitanswim - Aug 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 28, 2010

Stanford Roommate Essay: My family's unique influence on me

11 - Well, I always think it is better if you have at least one sentence -- at the beginning or...

UndergraduateKimathi - Aug 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 28, 2010

"A better degree, a better life style", Commonapp Transfer essay

8 - Your English is almost perfect! You just have a few small errors. ...while my brother was in the...

UndergraduateSunny1 - Aug 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 28, 2010

interest in and knowledge of solar energy: what you find intellectually engaging

4 - I have to advise against this intro. The essay is supposed to be about an idea or experience,...

Undergraduatejelidtj - Aug 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 28, 2010

"dedicated to the arts" -A significant experience: New College Admission essay

4 - ...this small school is so much greater than it seems. -----Right here, you raise the question in the reader's...

Undergraduatesekreeger - Aug 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 28, 2010

"The Lessons from Soccer" CommonApp: Short EC Activity Essay

5 - That thematic angle of soccer acting as a new way of learning is actually what I was trying to...

Undergraduateblackpixel23 - Aug 24, 2010 / blackpixel23 - Aug 27, 2010

Master of Science degree in Computer Information Systems (About me essay)

2 - I like having alone time and not seeing people constantly, I think it is peaceful.--- this is nice. It...

Undergraduatelilschmitty09 - Aug 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 27, 2010

Miami International University of Art & Design; be part of the fashion industry

8 - Wow good luck!...

Undergraduatepcakes7 - Aug 23, 2010 / JS87 - Aug 27, 2010

Listening to classical music: something I do for the pleasure of it (short answer)

12 - Oh! The guitar is very nice. I especially love the Gentleman's Concerto for Guitar by Rodrigo - it's a...

Undergraduatefreezard7734 - Aug 21, 2010 / freezard7734 - Aug 27, 2010

"...If we were to admit one more student, why you?" - ISB admission essay

3 - Look at how much better a sentence becomes when you remove unhelpful details: I am an individual full of...

Undergraduatecaprigaurav - Aug 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 27, 2010

Things that make me unique and distinct from any other person

4 - Hi, my name is Gabriel ... knows me better than myself. Like any other young boy, I can also...

Undergraduatetukkus23 - Aug 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 27, 2010

How do you feel .. would benefit from having you as a ss? What can you contribute?

5 - Thanks for the help, I'm going to edit it now....

Undergraduatenhoc_kinhcan - Aug 24, 2010 / nhoc_kinhcan - Aug 27, 2010

My life as a lacrosse player, my frist college application essay, very rough draft

8 - I nearly threw up at my first lacrosse practice. --- this makes it too easy for the reader. Give...

Undergraduatekcmonster - Aug 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 27, 2010

Essay for transfer student with previous poor academic performance

4 - This is very good, but something seems missing. You indicate a lack of decisiveness about what you want to...

Undergraduatemirek84 - Aug 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 26, 2010

"rugby was my best sport" -Using 150 words, activities or events and experiences

4 - As the journalism and law club editor, I faced immense pressure -- stud ents demanding a magazine and the...

Undergraduateviwagude - Aug 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 26, 2010

My mom - Most influential person essay

7 - So far, you listed how your mom is strong and the person you look up to, but you...

Undergraduatenak2011 - Aug 19, 2010 / freezard7734 - Aug 26, 2010

'Twister and Spinner' - Supplement Essay . note to a future roommate..

7 - Hey great essay! I am actually quite jealous! :) I though that comma interrupted with the flow...

Undergraduatejelidtj - Aug 23, 2010 / Kimathi - Aug 26, 2010

Princeton Supplement, Short Answer: Past 2 Summers

11 - There is a character limit, and I am flirting dangerously close to it. =( In terms of essays...

UndergraduateKimathi - Aug 19, 2010 / Kimathi - Aug 25, 2010

My CommonApp Essay about John Lennon

5 - 'attempted to dress me in' sounds better From adolescence to the present, awkward situations; John Lennon... ...

Undergraduateinthedemps - Aug 23, 2010 / CopperDays - Aug 25, 2010

"a career in the science field" - Admission for Biology/Pharmacy

2 - I was at loss with words when I was trying to find the right word, but now I...

Undergraduatedoctah - Aug 25, 2010 / freezard7734 - Aug 25, 2010

Common App Essay for Ivies--Racism while Travelling in Hong Kong; somewhat risky

5 - Wow you're essay truly is powerful. I don't think it comes off racist at all, but rather I think...

UndergraduateCopperDays - Aug 23, 2010 / titanswim - Aug 25, 2010

Common Application Personal Essay "Challenge: A Gift of Advancement" - feedback

4 - Nevertheless, we had fun having a chance to play a sport that we loved and and did not get...

Undergraduatehosu223 - Aug 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 25, 2010

"the amazing wealth of knowledge that surrounds me" -Common App Essay

10 - So I decided to go online and see if I could spot a fact. pray prey and...

UndergraduateFirtree1 - Aug 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Aug 25, 2010

PEACE CORPS Essays; Why Volunteer and A Cultural Experience

3 - Thank you for your help! I'll give it a shot to apply all the advice and I will post...

Undergraduatemissmunoz - Aug 19, 2010 / missmunoz - Aug 24, 2010

Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 307)