|Undergraduate [25,740] - page 31 of 430|
|My Brother and I along the Poolside - How that has Shaped Me
5 - Jeffrey, in truth the essay doesn't sound exceptional at this point. However, it might develop into an interesting read...
UndergraduateJeffreyGuy - Jan 4, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 5, 2016
|My current interests - I am applying to Johns Hopkins and need help with my entrance essay!
3 - Michael, you need to revise the content of your essay top discuss one of each topic as indicated in...
Undergraduatemaster111111 - Jan 4, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 5, 2016
|Impressed by the G.Tech's focus on, enthusiasm for and dedication to advanced technological research
3 - Louisa, thanks a lot for your great revision! The revised essay is much better and more succinct than my...
Undergraduatepanyuchong - Jan 4, 2016 / panyuchong - Jan 5, 2016
|Swarthmore supplement - Multidisciplinary Physics
3 - As a recent graduate of Swarthmore, I would highly discourage you from taking the above advice regarding removing the...
Undergraduateapetroski - Dec 30, 2015 / Swat2015 - Jan 4, 2016
|'I saw a future for me at Boston University' - College of Communications - Why BU?
4 - Excellent revision Kerry. The essay really works very well content wise now. I would like you to just separate...
Undergraduatekerry2654 - Jan 3, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 3, 2016
|The moment I laid eyes on my surroundings in Bangladesh, it sparked something inside me. SOP
7 - As reviewer, I would immediately be drawn in by your discussion of the way that the infrastructure in the...
UndergraduateSpoons72 - Dec 30, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 3, 2016
|What excites you about Notre Dame - I need your opinions about my application supplement essay
UndergraduateAbdelrahman - Dec 29, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 3, 2016
|I need help with Stanford Essay What matters most to you? - Democracy
4 - Ahmad, this is not a bad revision of the essay. It just need to sound more academic because there...
Undergraduateamimahmoud - Jan 3, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 3, 2016
|Intellectual vitality. Does the core of the essay reflect what Stanford is looking for?
UndergraduateAppleJelly - Jan 3, 2016 / kerry2654 - Jan 3, 2016
|Dan Ariely's book "Predictably Irrational" - UPenn 'interests' essay for college of arts and science
7 - okay.. vangiespen looking forward to your redrafted essay, i really appriacitate the time you have spared for reviewing my...
Undergraduatesanchit0709 - Jan 2, 2016 / sanchit0709 - Jan 3, 2016
|'volunteering to distribute christmas gifts' - what will you contribute essay
8 - Lydia, avoid redundancies in your first few lines. The following sentences mean the same thing: Economics has been...
Undergraduatecarine - Dec 30, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 3, 2016
|'FOCUS' program - Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you?
UndergraduateCollegeMe - Jan 3, 2016 / CollegeMe - Jan 3, 2016
|Caltech studens have quirky sense of humor - technology maniac!
3 - thank you for the suggestion!! I was also thinking that the response is too dull. I will think of...
Undergraduateshreygupta - Jan 3, 2016 / shreygupta - Jan 3, 2016
|Stanford Supplement - 7 short answers. Advice/Corrections
2 - Yasmin, in order to improve your statement response within fifty words you need to choose only the strongest response...
Undergraduatehopeful4 - Jan 2, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 3, 2016
|Cornell ILR Writing Supplement opinions (eh, I tried)
2 - Kevin, have you already submitted this statement of purpose? If you have, i wish you hadn't before submitting it...
Undergraduatemullane98 - Jan 2, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 2, 2016
|Barnard College supplement questions
Undergraduateaml - Jan 1, 2016 / aml - Jan 2, 2016
|'to have our voices heard' - Brown supplement about existing within a community or group
5 - Thank you very much for your comments and feedback, I will continue to work on talking about why model...
Undergraduateeber2016 - Dec 28, 2015 / eber2016 - Jan 2, 2016
|Indian person born and brought up in Bahrain. University of Chicago seems to be THE University
3 - Thanks for the insightful feedback. Unfortunately, there isn't much I can do about the errors now, as I have...
UndergraduateTheDarkKnight12 - Jan 1, 2016 / TheDarkKnight12 - Jan 2, 2016
|NORTHWESTERN SUPPLEMENT--McCormick Integrated Degree, Design for America
3 - Erin, I agree with Kevin in the sense that the first paragraph that you wrote does not exactly instill...
Undergraduateedoodles - Jan 1, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 2, 2016
|"Someday, I may not be able to see anymore" - suggestions for Common App Essay Prompt #5
5 - Hi Henry, the essay you wrote is a very interesting informal transition to adulthood. You have managed to relay...
Undergraduatehcueva10 - Jan 1, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 2, 2016
|Brown University Undergrad. Short Essays
2 - They're all good; I didn't catch any grammatical mistakes. My only criticism would be that your 3rd and 4th...
Undergraduatemcooley - Dec 31, 2015 / aml - Jan 1, 2016
|I want to become the best version of myself. Dream Person/ How can Syracuse help?
4 - Kerry Ann, this is exactly the kind of essay that combines your view of your future self, ideas as...
Undergraduatekerry2654 - Dec 31, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 1, 2016
|My dream of becoming a corporate lawyer. Columbia - Why this major personal statement?
4 - Thank you all for your help, I deeply appreciate it. @mrf18, I understand what you meant by changing the...
Undergraduatethereis123 - Jan 1, 2016 / thereis123 - Jan 1, 2016
|Every year on vacation, I tutor 2 or 3 students - this is one of my extracurricular activity
3 - I think you do an adequate job answering the question. You elaborate your reasons as to why you choose...
Undergraduatebome1130 - Jan 1, 2016 / mrf18 - Jan 1, 2016
|"Why Tufts?" - Why not? Diversity, campus, internships
6 - Mesut, focus your essay. You have a host of various essay prompts existing in this one that it makes...
Undergraduatemstgs1023 - Dec 30, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 1, 2016
|'mazes of monitors, wires, and other computer paraphernalia' - Why did I choose my major?
3 - Adebisi, while your essay provides the reviewer with an interesting backgrounder regarding your interest, your interest in computers doesn't...
Undergraduatebisi766 - Dec 31, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 1, 2016
|'I always wanted to be someone else' - WHY NEW YORK UNIVERSITY (ABU DHABI/SHANGHAI)
2 - Samuel, your essay rambles on for so long without offering any solid reason for your choice if NYU either...
Undergraduatescrappyhouver - Jan 1, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 1, 2016
|A bright student and expectations. Common App Essay.
Undergraduatecrystalassassin - Jan 1, 2016 / crystalassassin - Jan 1, 2016
|Columbia Engineering Essay: Jazz band was the last class I expected to use mathematics...
7 - Horomu, I honestly do not find your conclusion "tacked on". There is nothing forcing through about it from the...
UndergraduateKisakina - Dec 26, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 1, 2016
|We would like to know more about your interest in NYU.
4 - You are opting to attend a branch of NYU outside of the United States. That makes your interest in...
UndergraduateMhope - Dec 31, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 1, 2016
|The University of Michigan fits every criteria for me in terms of being in the college
Undergraduateabarrie015 - Dec 31, 2015 / Ssakshijain - Dec 31, 2015
|I hopped on the plane for the first time in my life. Common application supplement
2 - I hopped on thea plane for the first time in my life. I felt uncomfortable, anxious, and nervous.(This sentence...
UndergraduateHkmkessays - Dec 31, 2015 / smunozas23 - Dec 31, 2015
|Public relations in the music industry, entertainment leaders, work experience - Why Syracuse essay
11 - Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University? (250 words) As an aspiring entertainment publicist, I...
Undergraduatekerry2654 - Dec 23, 2015 / kerry2654 - Dec 31, 2015
|Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you.
2 - Hi Kyla Here are my suggestions. Hope this helps ) amazing yet suck-ish. Such-ish (I don't know if...
Undergraduatekylasummer - Dec 30, 2015 / Ssakshijain - Dec 31, 2015
|My background has shaped me to become the person I am today. Common App Essay
2 - I think there is many unnecessary words in this paragraph and you can omit half of it. Moreover,...
Undergraduatethereis123 - Dec 31, 2015 / hypersis - Dec 31, 2015
|Picking oranges - Common App Essay (transition from childhood to adulthood) HELP
Undergraduateaml - Dec 30, 2015 / aml - Dec 31, 2015
|Columbia Supplement - Which activity are you most proud of?
4 - havechange to has you still volunteer at the community school, I'm assuming? I would also just include a short...
Undergraduateyolomaster98 - Dec 29, 2015 / thereis123 - Dec 31, 2015
|WITHOUT BORDERS Common App Prompt 2 -Failure Friday! in dire need
2 - I think the first line should be merged with the second paragraph since they're discussing the same thing.I also...
Undergraduatehapij - Dec 30, 2015 / Kobby Boateng - Dec 31, 2015
|Common App Essay: Special Interest- 'Wide eyes and Dropped Chins'
8 - It sounds great Olu. I do believe that if you put the different pieces of the essay together, you...
UndergraduateCollegeMe - Dec 31, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 31, 2015
|3 days long international mathematical event - essay about my extracurricular activities/ experience
4 - I was frozen. The sound of the clock was echoing through my mind. Tic... Toc... Our only chance at...
Undergraduatemilan1 - Dec 30, 2015 / Kih - Dec 31, 2015
|Columbia Supplements - What activity are you most proud of? Why Columbia? Why major - art history?
3 - Thanks for your feedback. Here's an edited version: Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia...
Undergraduatefunny - Dec 29, 2015 / funny - Dec 31, 2015
|Let Loose - How Dance Helped Me (Common App Essay)
2 - your word choice and sentence structures and placement could be improved for example: My description turned from that 'shy...
UndergraduateKobby Boateng - Dec 31, 2015 / hapij - Dec 31, 2015
|George Washington University Supplement: Who helped you in difficult times?
2 - Val, I definitely encourage you to use the second version of the essay in response to the prompt. It...
Undergraduateval_1397 - Dec 31, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 31, 2015
|Why NU-Q? ----Dream to be a journalist
4 - Jize, that discussion should not be a mere footnote in your last paragraph. You should make it the focal...
Undergraduateanfernee - Dec 31, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 31, 2015
|The lead role of a musical and voice - Leaving my comfort zone - Common app essay
UndergraduateKrim - Dec 30, 2015 / hapij - Dec 31, 2015
|"Why Columbia" essay - prestigious Ivy League reputation and enviable location in New York City
2 - Not bad T.z. Your essay has managed to deliver a unique response regarding your choice of university that does...
Undergraduateyolomaster98 - Dec 31, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 31, 2015
|Why Duke? The physics department appeals the most to me. Supplementary Essay
4 - Daniel, if the reason that you opted to try and enroll at Duke is because of their laboratories such...
UndergraduateDanya314 - Dec 30, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 31, 2015
|Intellectual Vitality: My mother, grandmother, and great grandmother were raised surrounded by nuns
Undergraduatehalokenisis - Dec 29, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 31, 2015
|'Raised in Texas' - How did you first learn about Rice University and what motivated you to apply?
7 - Samraz, I do believe that your suggestion for your new concluding paragraph is a good one. If you are...
UndergraduateKih - Dec 29, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 30, 2015
|The connections I made between genetic letter codes and the alphabet - Yale Supplement. Why research
3 - Christine, you have already established the fact that you are a cutting edge researcher whose future as a scientist...
Undergraduatemadtramps33 - Dec 30, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 30, 2015
|Favorite word - "Hey!" Supplement writing UVA
2 - Elif, here are some ideas as to how you can expand upon your essay. Try to develop some examples...
Undergraduatezeyel - Dec 30, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 30, 2015
|Tufts Supplement- Why Tufts, Let your life speak, what makes you happy?
NEW - ANY SUGGESTIONS AND CRITIQUES WILL BE TAKEN! THANK YOU SO MUCH Why Tufts? Tufts was my first...
Undergraduatekinfgra16 - Dec 30, 2015 / — -
|I have gained many experiences that have influenced me and my intellectual development; Stanford
6 - For the first prompt- "... truly matters in my life, making my family and friends the top priorities in...
Undergraduatemcooley - Dec 27, 2015 / kinfgra16 - Dec 30, 2015
|Redefining Beauty - Emory Supplement
2 - You do a great job of fully answering the question and giving specific ways Emory will help you find...
Undergraduatejohnjr121 - Dec 30, 2015 / mzhang - Dec 30, 2015
|'Go-to person//close confidant'--GW Supplement
Undergraduatemzhang - Dec 30, 2015 / mzhang - Dec 30, 2015
|"A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement"
UndergraduateDoaaHakim - Dec 30, 2015 / DoaaHakim - Dec 30, 2015
|I am choosing NYU for its various undergraduate programs, study abroad programs, and student life.
2 - Your essay seems a little generic. When you talk about their econ major, don't tell them simple facts they...
Undergraduatethereis123 - Dec 30, 2015 / Chels4afu - Dec 30, 2015
|Biology - Cornell Supplement (intellectual interests, why exciting, & how to pursue)
2 - Your introduction was quite catchy and overall flow of essay is great. I really like how you talk about...
Undergraduatelmongado - Dec 29, 2015 / sdoubleh - Dec 30, 2015
|'International' and 'Anime' - variety of clubs at Bates. Writing a supplement essay.
3 - I think you should rewrite it and focus more on why bates matters to you as an individual. There...
Undergraduatezainsdar - Dec 30, 2015 / johnjr121 - Dec 30, 2015
|It would be safe to say that I love film. Common App Essay- Meaningful talent/interest/identity
Undergraduateshealeear8 - Dec 29, 2015 / shealeear8 - Dec 30, 2015
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