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|My experience in Khayelitsha; Peace Corps - challenge and your success
3 - Prompt 1 Since you have written on a pretty sensitive subject, try to limit your opinion. Although you...
Undergraduateljm9304 - Jul 13, 2010 / ershad193 - Jul 14, 2010
|Mathematics- an intellectual experience or class that has influenced & inspired me
10 - Thanks, Kevin....
Undergraduatekennethkcy - Jul 7, 2010 / kennethkcy - Jul 13, 2010
|"the perfect time in my life to challenge myself" - Peace Corp Essay
Undergraduateaurorlyn - Jul 6, 2010 / aurorlyn - Jul 13, 2010
|admission essay: experiences or achievements that helped define you as a person
Undergraduatepat9507 - Jul 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 12, 2010
|Concerning Transfer Admission to University of Texas: Statement of Purpose Essay
5 - 1) There are too many irrelevant details in your essay. For example, - your description of the looks and...
Undergraduatefifteen_symbols - Jul 10, 2010 / ershad193 - Jul 12, 2010
|Essay question to enter into a nursing program (Pierce College)
3 - You write very well!! Here is an awkward sentence: This not only enabled me to keep the positive...
Undergraduatechampagne_369 - Jul 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 11, 2010
|"to fit the expectations of others" uc- Being a twin
Undergraduatemayrac92 - Jul 9, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jul 10, 2010
|''journey to be oneself'' - LMU Essay Prompt
2 - God has given every individual a personal calling and it is through this that we are able to obtain...
UndergraduateLily3 - Jul 9, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jul 9, 2010
|"All I can do is be me- significant experiences that helped to define you as a person
4 - Apart from the grammar, I think you should use a different word than "unintelligent." When a college admissions person...
Undergraduatetreexah - Jul 3, 2010 / corndawg - Jul 9, 2010
|Help with writing a career goals essay for Recording and Music Production school
5 - Okay... the music has to create an experience every moment. You can't include any sentences without substance: My...
Undergraduateleavethelighton - Jul 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 7, 2010
|"A plane trip we took from Germany to London" - UF admission essay
19 - Hey, this also gave me some important insight into this essayforum we have here... The people who contribute...
Undergraduatepeaceitserin - Jun 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 7, 2010
|College teachers are not all the same.
Undergraduateabd85 - Jan 12, 2010 / abd85 - Jul 7, 2010
|'anything like the Rosen campus' - Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
Undergraduatedreifusse - Jul 4, 2010 / Madu410 - Jul 7, 2010
|Programming and designing graphics, seven-sentence paragraph about my career goals
UndergraduateZubaida - Jul 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 6, 2010
|Nursing School Admissions Essay: "to acquire skills"
Undergraduatepeyut - Jul 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 6, 2010
|admissions essay--WHY DO YOU WANT TO ATTEND NYUAD?
Undergraduatesilkesha - Jun 11, 2010 / silkesha - Jul 6, 2010
|Hhigh paying job with the risk of losing it is better - 'risk can change'
6 - I tried to correct your sentences as my little bit English knowledge. You made less grammatically and used good...
Undergraduatekimhyejinia - Jul 5, 2010 / vaishali1980 - Jul 5, 2010
|Do you believe in fate: UF Admission essay!
5 - to be eight-teen to ride. I was seven-teen. it should be eighteen and seventeen. no hyphen in required. ...
Undergraduatesfchawks01 - Jun 4, 2010 / Laddingt - Jul 4, 2010
|One of reasons I want to join the Peace Corps is quite selfish - I want to be changed by the world.
Undergraduatellopezhi - Jul 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 4, 2010
|Math, chemistry - a significant experience, achievement common application essay
3 - Simplify to avoid errors: Until high school, never did I consider math nor or science as my strong...
Undergraduateam80951 - Jul 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 4, 2010
|I am trying to finish a BSN in nursing
Undergraduatececilia - Jul 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 4, 2010
|'flourish in this challenging world' How family, culture influenced who you are?
5 - Neither of my parents ever had any guidance throughout school, and not enough money to go to college. ...
Undergraduatenickydiaz - Jun 30, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jul 2, 2010
|Transfer essay after a 4 year hiatus to a different program - U Pittsburgh
3 - I believe this sentence is irrelevant. You have repeated lines similar to the following one many times....
Undergraduategrinnin - Jul 1, 2010 / ershad193 - Jul 2, 2010
|My application essay on Babysitting.
4 - "It is not routine since children can be unpredictable at times." I feel like that could be reworded a...
Undergraduatetrosky2000 - Dec 21, 2009 / am80951 - Jul 1, 2010
|Personal Statement for Application to Undergraduate Bionengineering Program.
7 - Separate the 2 halves of a compound sentence with a comma: Fortunately, WPW Syndrome is one of the few...
Undergraduatespartan128 - Jun 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 1, 2010
|Advice on Personal Statement for Master's of Accounting program requested
8 - Hmmm, I just scanned this -- not even reading -- but it seems mighty more readable. Good job....
Undergraduatescubatim84 - Jun 16, 2010 / Mustafa1991 - Jul 1, 2010
|I observed an ESL class, and wrote down a journal about that.
3 - this is quite good already with ust a few areas for improvement. Oh.. I like Azeri's advice about verb...
Undergraduatesshalghom - Jun 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 29, 2010
|How and Why: understanding scientific findings
7 - I think your essay's beginning is excellent. By telling your dream of your childhood, readers could see how eager...
UndergraduateCharz - Jun 24, 2010 / cathyliu - Jun 27, 2010
|'Because we can' - Activity Short Answer
8 - it kept me interesting and was short and sweet. the sentence about work ending at 4:30 is not a...
Undergraduateraybaz - Oct 23, 2009 / Moni09 - Jun 25, 2010
|"The end depends on the beginning" - short & long term career goals
9 - alright, i like the essay, but i do not feel much emotion. admissions officers want to feela connection with...
Undergraduateimshtark - Jun 22, 2010 / Moni09 - Jun 25, 2010
|A time that I overcome problems: From Pakistan to America
3 - Only when we overcome these problems, are we able to grow up. Tracing back to three months ago,...
UndergraduateLauratwilight - Jun 24, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jun 25, 2010
|I've been shy for as long as I can remember.
4 - But a kid as shy as I was could fade into the background, unnoticed. The story about football...
UndergraduateAirSaints - Jun 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 24, 2010
|Pre-Med: Transfer my study to dentistry and change of major
6 - I had envisioned to become myself becoming a dentist because of the ____________. (add an explanation about why,...
UndergraduateTubman - Jun 18, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 23, 2010
|Peace Corps essay-"Describe living in a social cultural environment different.."
6 - Wonderful essay, good points made, on-topic. It's not all about the grammar but I noticed this: "As the...
Undergraduateansa0031 - Jun 21, 2010 / brucemcdon - Jun 22, 2010
|"reaching out to others has benefited me" - Peace Corps admission essay help :)
6 - Thanks Kevin! Really appreciate it. I definitely need to come up with a great inspired first sentence! :)...
Undergraduateansa0031 - Jun 16, 2010 / ansa0031 - Jun 21, 2010
|"I love to draw, create shapes and make them into works of art" - college application essay
3 - thanx Kevin,i have always been interested in art...i just want people to look at what i draw and enjoy...
Undergraduatealoemac - Jun 16, 2010 / aloemac - Jun 19, 2010
|Essay on what is important to me (people, places, music)- a concluding paragraph?
Undergraduatelatwood83 - Jun 18, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 19, 2010
|"Learning in the Classroom" Peace Corps Application (Cross cultural)
UndergraduatePeaceEarth - Jun 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 19, 2010
|Relate your interest in studying at Georgetown to your goals -my Georgetown Essay!
Undergraduatealexla - Jun 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 19, 2010
|APPLICATION FOR STATION POOL/ NC's QUARTER
2 - Respected S ir, Capitalize both words in the opening salutation. With due great respect and humble submission...
Undergraduateamethyst - Jun 16, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 17, 2010
|"born to and raised to Russian immigrants" - Peace Crops Essay (reasons, expect)
UndergraduatePeaceEarth - Jun 16, 2010 / PeaceEarth - Jun 17, 2010
|Essay for Texas A&M (documentary on North Korea by Lisa Ling)
Undergraduatehendhawks - Jun 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 17, 2010
|'chance to share Russian culture with other people there' - What qualities for UCF?
2 - Surrounded by the comfortable study environment of the University, I'm determined to gain a deeper knowledge both from theoretical...
UndergraduateLynnBrown - Jun 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 15, 2010
|What are the characteristics of a good leader? (Trying to be a psychologist)
UndergraduateN2F5 - Jun 13, 2010 / N2F5 - Jun 14, 2010
|Brown Supplement- What don't I know?
Undergraduatekennethkcy - Jun 9, 2010 / kennethkcy - Jun 13, 2010
|"the Redbud Literature Honors Society" - common app short answer
3 - Thank you for your critiques.This a correction:150 words or fewer. As for the end point,Kevin's suggestions seem good.I think...
Undergraduatesezrenei - Jun 12, 2010 / sezrenei - Jun 13, 2010
|SOP for undergrad mechanical engineering "How Things Work"
4 - Here is a way to establish your main idea and then end the first paragraph. Ever since childhood...
Undergraduatehrishikesh - Jun 12, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 13, 2010
|"the joys of being an architect" - My Essay for Columbia University
Undergraduatejalisa1211 - May 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 12, 2010
|"the present-day world is an open world" - UCF bump in the road essay
2 - Add one sentence after this sentence to show that you moved BECAUSE of "a desire to participate in...
UndergraduateLynnBrown - Jun 10, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 11, 2010
|Obstacle + unique quality (dentist) - UCF Essay, give me any suggestions!
Undergraduatekicker20 - Dec 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jun 10, 2010
|Growing up who was my childhood Hero (My Uncle)
6 - It definitely makes sense, and you have a nice way of expressing yourself. The transitions between paragraphs are nonexistent,...
Undergraduatejaneypooh - Jun 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 10, 2010
|My Story So Far + Life's Surprise - Essay for transfer student
3 - I was constantly being mentored by older family members and friends of family. My choices were always pre-determined,...
UndergraduateDaimyo21 - Jun 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 9, 2010
|"To Be Continued" - personal info considered as part of admission application
Undergraduateticktock - Jun 6, 2010 / ticktock - Jun 9, 2010
|My academic performance when I was a sophomore.(Not more than 500 words)
8 - Thank you, I need not to review my English books anymore but recharge my mobile phone and log in...
UndergraduateCharz - Jun 5, 2010 / Charz - Jun 7, 2010
|'bike race' - U of Chicago - How did you get caught?
UndergraduateCruud - May 31, 2010 / srandhawa - Jun 7, 2010
|"If honored to count myself among a future Peace Corps members" -Peace Corp Essay
2 - You write very well! We are lucky to have people like you who are wicked smart and also committed...
Undergraduatemcooks1 - Jun 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 5, 2010
|What can you contribute to SPP? "Helping others"
6 - Umm, how can shoes be made FROM Malayasia? First point. Global community is putting YOUR spin on the...
Undergraduateenou9044 - May 31, 2010 / Vakax - Jun 5, 2010
|"Msc. Economic History", I am starting from scratch
9 - Keep that verb tense consistent: "At the root of my desire to study economic history lie the controversies and...
Undergraduateindconservative - May 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 4, 2010
|UConn Transfer Admission Essay- regarding academic goals and reasons for leaving
2 - Since taking an AP Environmental Science in my senior year of high school, I realized through my uncertainty of...
Undergraduatemkem100 - Jun 2, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 4, 2010
|Engineering: Essay about my favorite subject
4 - Of all my classes and clubs, engineering is my favorite part of the day. One reason I like it...
Undergraduatechupacabravd - Jun 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 3, 2010
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