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|My Vision Of Pakistan, essay to a college. Constructive criticism.
2 - no comma necessary here: realized that activity ... This is such an impressive sentence!! These university-going, lower middle...
UndergraduateSafiullah - Apr 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 17, 2010
|Trying to get accepted into an ACT Academy
12 - Hey TinaMarie! You are great!!! Don't be so formal. Don't afraid of BIG GUYS. We are people. Feel free....
UndergraduateTinaMarie - Apr 12, 2010 / montes999 - Apr 17, 2010
|"what makes you a unique individual" - Transfer Essay to UCONN
NEW - Afternoon, I plan on transferring to the University of Connecticut Storrs; this transfer essay means more then I...
Undergraduateryanparrish - Apr 17, 2010 / — -
|National Honors Society Long Essay, commited to qualities, for review
3 - Visiting and ----> organizing: Examples include visiting nursing homes and organizing food drives. Hi Amanda, you obviously write...
Undergraduateisabella246 - Apr 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 16, 2010
|"an artist's mind" - SCAD Statement of Purpose
2 - Tim did such a thorough job, I can hardly find anything to correct... Here is something I can...
Undergraduatemariagaston - Apr 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 14, 2010
|SOP - The reasons to choose the university: employment upon graduation
UndergraduateBeena - Apr 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 14, 2010
|bump in the road personal life/why did you choose ucf
3 - Cool, LibraryLover, thanks for all the time you spent with this! Use apostrophes: just because he wasn't here...
Undergraduatejvan - Apr 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 11, 2010
|An essay for Harvard Leadership Conference for Taiwanese students
3 - As I heard the lepers vividly share their tragic stories with tears, a burden was placed in my heart,...
Undergraduates61001234 - Apr 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 9, 2010
|'Why I want to go the university essay' (Yale)
UndergraduateUPennHopeful - Apr 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 9, 2010
|(Leadership experiences) University of Washington Undergraduate Business school
4 - this is good however I highly suggest changing the syntax and style of this. it is very basic and...
Undergraduatehmoon55 - Apr 4, 2010 / blueskies - Apr 9, 2010
|what are the threats technology has imposed on modern life?
2 - You can add Technology can isolate people For example, though facebook facilitates us to communicate with our friends...
Undergraduateyuvly - Apr 8, 2010 / s61001234 - Apr 8, 2010
|"My Mother" - she will always be by my side.
9 - Your essay has the meaning. I really think that the essay needs to be a little more captivating and...
Undergraduateyahyabluecat - Mar 20, 2010 / UPennHopeful - Apr 8, 2010
|Writing about my passion for computer science
5 - you wrote a very nice, mind-boggling personal statement that I believe it will strengthen your application much ! I...
Undergraduategeorgexu316 - Mar 28, 2010 / getitlow - Apr 6, 2010
|"support and guidance" family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
4 - My mother and father both have there masters degrees and want nothing more than for their children to succeed...
Undergraduatexojlc442xo - Apr 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 6, 2010
|the game art and design degree - Need a little help with an Entry essay
5 - How long is this essay supposed to be? I think each of your sentences should be the topic sentence...
UndergraduateWolfy2449 - Apr 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 6, 2010
|"my abilities and talents" - UT Austin statement of purpose.
4 - Use hyphens: well-deserved eighteen-hour days Imagine that, a perfectly healthy kid being encouraged by his seemingly disadvantaged father....
Undergraduatehakimhusein - Sep 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 6, 2010
|The Art Institute Of Philadelphia Entry Essay
3 - I would find meaning full reasons why you want to attended that school and choosen the major you did....
Undergraduateilliticus - Mar 30, 2010 / mbiscoe25 - Apr 6, 2010
|Career Goals and personality (IT field)
4 - Claire/Lee, I see you giving some very kind and careful advice to lots of people! Thanks for giving such...
Undergraduatenoorah - Mar 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 6, 2010
|My explanation of why I did so poorly for the Additional Information part.
3 - You may want to try the standard essay format of an introduction, a few body paragraphs and a conclusion....
UndergraduateCalvinChanCan - Mar 30, 2010 / mbiscoe25 - Apr 6, 2010
|Essay/Letter on - " We are the Universe - Evolve or Perish "
6 - Yeah writing to friend about evolving or perishing is kinda morbid..The job scenario suggested by Kevin is fine, i...
Undergraduatejamesbond - Mar 31, 2010 / Vakax - Apr 6, 2010
|essay about more people prefer living alone than in the past
7 - I do like your points. Your essay will be better if you elaborate more. Instead of mentioning the...
Undergraduatevikasp - Mar 12, 2010 / Phoebe Su - Apr 5, 2010
|"I am a dreamer." - BU 3 words to describe myself supplement essay
UndergraduateRachach6 - Apr 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 2, 2010
|"service before self" Serving in the Air Force prepared me to succeed.
Undergraduatehockeydog2 - Apr 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 2, 2010
|reason i want to study MBBS in china- regarding undergraduate admission
Undergraduaterubika - Mar 31, 2010 / rubika - Apr 2, 2010
|Tisch Film Portfolio: Dramatic Essay
3 - Hey Kevin! Thank you so much! Those are all great corrections. I sent it in earlier today and now...
Undergraduategber371 - Mar 30, 2010 / gber371 - Apr 1, 2010
|"my first swimming lesson" - answer about extracurricular activity
6 - ...and maybe getting back on the competition field. into the water, where the competition happens. --- ah, I don't...
Undergraduatewein350 - Mar 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 1, 2010
|"the relationship between China and Italy" -personal statement for a university
3 - Short-tempered, sometimes amiable, but often strict with me, my mother has been one of the greatest positive influences in...
Undergraduateyeseniyaus - Mar 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 1, 2010
|Research Application Summary: my Life, Over Flowing with Curiosity
2 - One word: overflowing Overflowing with Curiosity I was the only one who had the courage to break that...
Undergraduatemrgzg1 - Mar 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2010
|Thoughts on the start and revising the use of "I" (the sonography field)
Undergraduategrammarchic - Mar 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2010
|"Visiting new countries" - introduction for admission essay
3 - Matthew's corrections look very good. Also, I hope you will challenge yourself to express a concept that is not...
Undergraduaterach917 - Mar 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2010
|Bachelor of Biology/Psychology -G.Washington University Transfer Admission Essay
5 - [b]Ok sorry for the late reply. I have been so busy with school and getting this essay done. Anyways,...
Undergraduateasmac89 - Mar 29, 2010 / asmac89 - Mar 31, 2010
|Stanford: Profile questions- favorite books, significant issues, etc
8 - I would advise you to form sentences, but make sure they cover all your interests, because that will give...
UndergraduateMaui808 - Mar 9, 2010 / mrgzg1 - Mar 29, 2010
|Law School Admissions (the Florida A&M University College of Law)
3 - Fix this run on sentence: My parents have always been a huge influence in my life. Although neither of...
UndergraduateNeefie - Mar 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 29, 2010
|MATLAB to model, regarding graduate admission essay
5 - Great discussion here! I thought of this: Moreover, I utilized MATLAB to model the second-order linear difference equation in...
Undergraduateseanpark80 - Mar 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 29, 2010
|NYU Short Answers- Blair Waldorf, poem, "49", and politics.
6 - Well that is excellent. I felt guilty discouraging you from expressing yourself about feeling inspired. But anyway, it...
Undergraduatepeacelovesarah - Mar 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 29, 2010
|Describe a person who has had an influence in you (my tuition teacher)
Undergraduatesave - Mar 23, 2010 / save - Mar 29, 2010
|Career goals essay (Office Administration course)
UndergraduateMylie - Mar 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 28, 2010
|Besides work, how did you spend your last summer? NYU Transfer short essays
3 - No comma necessary, no capital B necessary: ...patches and teach my cousins basic English. This is very, very...
Undergraduatesherry33 - Mar 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 28, 2010
|Good and bad points about my internship -
Undergraduateexodream - Mar 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 27, 2010
|"cultural diverse background" -the environment you come from, MICHIGAN STATE
4 - The first paragraph of an essay should express an important message/idea... the main idea of the essay. Your first...
Undergraduatethestateofmark - Mar 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 27, 2010
|Match with my educational goals (Seattle University)
4 - Seattle University is a respected university and the graduates are taught how to learn, not just to receive a...
Undergraduatekskin1 - Mar 25, 2010 / comet2000 - Mar 27, 2010
|"My father was an abusive alcoholic" - UCF application essay
3 - Every night I contemplated on how someone... Okay, I think you should not make the theme so negative....
Undergraduatehfox - Mar 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 26, 2010
|Ultrasound application essay (reasons for pursuing ultrasound as a career)
3 - acquired developed ...to the bathroom if he needed to help. ...face because his body would not...
Undergraduatekskin1 - Mar 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 26, 2010
|Oakland University Writing Center
4 - In the conclusion, you can discuss the IMPLICATIONS of the point you are making in the essay. The essay...
Undergraduatealina967 - Mar 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 26, 2010
|T. Harv Eker - a person who influenced me, and why and how he influenced me
6 - I'll move a few commas around: After becoming a millionaire for the first time in less than 2 years,...
UndergraduateZhiyang - Mar 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 26, 2010
|Essay on a Personal Experience relevant to Psychology:
4 - I was more of a "listener" in the conversation and in order to simplify their problems, and I always...
Undergraduatesuhasini91 - Mar 21, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 26, 2010
|"My dear Roommate", Babson Undergraduate Essay (SE)
4 - I thought talking about Babson in the first sentence was a bit too cliche. But other than that, I...
Undergraduatesarach - Mar 14, 2010 / peacelovesarah - Mar 26, 2010
|Growing Up Organic. Columbia Essay & Short Answers.
Undergraduatepeacelovesarah - Mar 14, 2010 / peacelovesarah - Mar 26, 2010
|'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you
18 - Thank you for the concern and yes its impossible to stop anyone from copying the ideas but I do...
Undergraduatetrevor5249 - Mar 12, 2010 / trevor5249 - Mar 24, 2010
|NUS Discretionary Admission Essay -Japanese Language
7 - Thank you so much for all your encouragement and advice, fall2010transfe and Kevin! Really appreciate it a lot :)...
Undergraduatesparkglowgirl - Mar 22, 2010 / sparkglowgirl - Mar 24, 2010
|"definition of art", Statement of Purpose for transfer art student
3 - Use a comma: Many answers popped up , but one definition baffled me - "the creation of beautiful or...
Undergraduatedudeitsben - Mar 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 24, 2010
|commerce supplemental --what is leadership?
3 - ...the ideal place because I have the leadership skills needed to be a leader.--- this part needs to be...
UndergraduateQueena_Wong - Mar 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 24, 2010
|Select 3 words that describe you best and how it contributes community ESSAY
UndergraduateUnab - Mar 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 23, 2010
|UCF Honors-What in my life made me who I am today?
2 - The essay doesn't actually answer the prompt, as your grandfathers injury did not make you who you are today,...
UndergraduateCarrieC92 - Mar 22, 2010 / EF_Susan - Mar 23, 2010
|Need help in proofreading my essay to enter a fashion school.
3 - I think that is the usual amount of time, isn't it? This sentence seems sort of pointless. The...
Undergraduatevangulo800 - Mar 21, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 23, 2010
|Personal Academic CWU Admin. Essay
Undergraduategmgyap - Mar 21, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 23, 2010
|Narrative piece for Comp English, deciding on thesis statement about my brother
2 - Which he did, but later regretted the decision.--- You should not start the sentence with "Which." It would have...
Undergraduateaarynj - Mar 21, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 22, 2010
|I'm a very outspoken person; About myself-Present and future goals
6 - write about who are you? do you like your life?, surroundings? things that you are very proud of,...
UndergraduateRESHA - Mar 20, 2010 / xxkixzplayaxx - Mar 22, 2010
|Auto-biography and serious advice
Undergraduatei_m_mimi - Jan 9, 2010 / i_m_mimi - Mar 22, 2010
|"an education in a foreign country" - What might you contribute the College?
UndergraduateCobra_D1993 - Mar 10, 2010 / zendra - Mar 22, 2010
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