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|UT Austin Statement of Purpose (bodybuilding and diabetes)
6 - Bignasty36 Hello Hassan, This is a great essay. Just a few things Id like to recommend I began...
UndergraduateBignasty36 - Feb 16, 2010 / pinnotes - Feb 20, 2010
|My Mom: Someone with an influence on your life - Common Applicatiton Essay
7 - She has always been there for me and supported me whenever I "make " decisions. During the most...
Undergraduatefloridagirl09 - Feb 17, 2010 / victorp_sv - Feb 20, 2010
|Catholic University - Personal Statement - Community Outreach
5 - Gentleman, please accept my deepest gratitude for your comments. I will make the appropriate grammatical changes to my essay...
Undergraduaterayniv - Feb 19, 2010 / rayniv - Feb 20, 2010
|becoming a thriving businessman - Emory Supplement Short Answer
9 - I'll move this comma: My dream is to become a thriving businessman in the field of finance, and since...
Undergraduatehockey520 - Jan 31, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 20, 2010
|Biomedical, Health & Society, and Bio informatics alternatives - admission essay
Undergraduatesugars225 - Feb 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 20, 2010
|UIUC essay #2 extracurricular - Cheer-leading team
Undergraduategrandcn - Feb 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 20, 2010
|'Lyricist and theatrical actor' Univ. of rochester #2: your contribution to the university
3 - Very efficient writing here. That is nice. Maybe it is too serious and efficient, though. How about adding one...
Undergraduatemystifier - Feb 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 20, 2010
|Celebrating Life oftheMind-- "Why Swarthmore Essay"
UndergraduateJS2010 - Feb 19, 2010 / JS2010 - Feb 20, 2010
|uiuc essay transfer: electronics and technology
3 - Since childhood, my favourite subjects have been mathematics and science, I was always interested in applying in practically applying...
Undergraduatesahajagarwal - Feb 18, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 19, 2010
|'self motivated entrepreneur' - what makes Rochester the best fit for you
4 - HI dinhhoang0802 how would u want me to change the first sentence. would u mind being more specific? how...
Undergraduatemystifier - Feb 19, 2010 / mystifier - Feb 19, 2010
|"My journey moving to another country" - UT Austin Statement of purpose
6 - Your essay is really good, but you should include within the essay a section about research opportunities that interest...
Undergraduatestefoo - Feb 16, 2010 / drahul91 - Feb 19, 2010
|"I am never go to abroad!" This sentence is what a Japanese friend called Taro in my club said
Undergraduatewei - Feb 16, 2010 / wei - Feb 19, 2010
|Experiences and circumstances as an international student - Temple University
3 - I really like your metaphor with roller coaster and your life; it catches my eyes. Also, I think the...
Undergraduateerinhcho - Feb 17, 2010 / star1space - Feb 19, 2010
|Stanford Supplement "To. Future Roommate" (a roommate tutoring service)
6 - Yes, I think my format is too normal... I thought about conversation format, but it turns out to be...
Undergraduatestar1space - Feb 18, 2010 / star1space - Feb 19, 2010
|I disliked pre-school; Tufts Supplement - Let your life speak
7 - Shannon, it is okay for people to collaborate about essays even if the deadline has passed. The reason for...
Undergraduatekevinchen00723 - Feb 16, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 18, 2010
|Vassar offers what I need to be successful
2 - This starts very abruptly. First atempt at what? Maybe you need to add one more sentence to the beginning...
UndergraduateRandyhl - Feb 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 18, 2010
|a Counter-Strike club - Activities Essay
UndergraduateSaid - Feb 17, 2010 / Said - Feb 18, 2010
|Texas A&M Galveston Transfer Essay critique
2 - Right here you are using semi-colons in the way you should use dashes: By obtaining a Maritime Transportation...
Undergraduatectausworthe - Feb 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 18, 2010
|A pharmacologist - "Describing aspirations" Essay
UndergraduateAizeng - Feb 16, 2010 / Aizeng - Feb 18, 2010
|Oberlin offers what I need to be successful
3 - Thanks!...
UndergraduateRandyhl - Feb 17, 2010 / Randyhl - Feb 18, 2010
|What kind of words would you like to adorn your headstone? UNC Essay
3 - When applying to colleges I have full faith that the Admissions Committees will see all that I have to...
Undergraduatepeacelovesarah - Feb 16, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 17, 2010
|"So what do you plan on doing now?" -Common Application Transfer Essay
10 - Yep, some people will see it that way. Some people will just see your honesty and cool personality...
Undergraduatebrw2487 - Feb 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 17, 2010
|Technology, programming - NUS Application Essay Singapore
3 - Events, like open house, that facilitate interaction with parents and students, chief ushers for Ngee Ann Annual Award and...
UndergraduateXueli - Feb 16, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 17, 2010
|an aspiring student, Why are you considering Stony Brook University?
4 - It's interesting to compare this with what you wrote right after it. This sentence has lots of words, and...
Undergraduateiluvskool18 - Feb 16, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 17, 2010
|As I journey through life I often asked myself, "What is my life purpose? Essay for Peace Corps
Undergraduatenarithchhit - Feb 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 17, 2010
|"I can be the person I dream of" - Common App. Macalester Supplement.
UndergraduateRandyhl - Feb 15, 2010 / fierna_hartnett - Feb 17, 2010
|Personal biography (past life, future goals, education, experiences)
Undergraduatebud444 - Feb 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|How did you learn about NJIT and why are you applying for admission?
2 - Practice writing in the past tense... the things that already happened. Today I learn, and yesterday I learned. ...
UndergraduateMarcosDominican - Feb 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|Common Application- Favorite Activity (I participated in Green Team)
8 - This sounds like a poetic way to refer to your environmental protection efforts, too! This whole thing...
Undergraduateahickey - Feb 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|"Highlighting the strengths and weaknesses" Commonapp essay..What do you think?
6 - Yep, you have to hope they appreciate bold originality. If they don't, maybe it is not the right school!...
Undergraduatepixie4545 - Feb 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|Statement of Purpose - SCAD (art and design interest)
UndergraduateChristinaDion - Feb 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|professional admission to undergraduate business school, why I should be part of
Undergraduateuofa234 - Feb 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|Columbia Transfer essay, a sense of who you are (international student)
Undergraduatealicose1010 - Feb 12, 2010 / alicose1010 - Feb 16, 2010
|Allegheny College "Why?" essay.
6 - Attracted the big yellow word "unusual," my fingers I grip the side of the paper and people in wonder...
Undergraduateuyt6996 - Feb 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|Hearts of my peers and teachers- greatest contribution to your school/community
Undergraduatenkhattri - Feb 11, 2010 / nkhattri - Feb 16, 2010
|tufts second optional essay: house of cards
4 - I had begun to sweat profusely when I realized that this was the last question. --- just an idea,...
Undergraduateginny2345 - Feb 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|"to advance my efforts and acquire my law degree" -Law School Personal Statement
Undergraduatetdcampbe - Feb 15, 2010 / EF_Susan - Feb 15, 2010
|Academic Elements, Personal Elements - UW Personal statement.
2 - ...have just finished my military service so I have not studied for a while -- and I also have...
Undergraduateleidris - Feb 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 15, 2010
|APPAREL INDUSTRIAL ENGINEER
3 - AS AN INDUSTRIAL ENGINEER , I HAVE START PRACTICING FROM BASIC WORK STUDY TO LEAN MANUFACTURING SYSTEMS IN MY...
UndergraduateAPPAREL ENGR - Feb 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 15, 2010
|"Be all that you can be." - University of Washington Transfer Essay
2 - First of all, sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I can only imagine the traumatic distress...
Undergraduateeveb86 - Feb 14, 2010 / essayvision - Feb 14, 2010
|"An entrepreneur at heart" - economics, reasons for transferring, objectives
8 - Your revision is significantly better than your initial draft as it reflects detailed reasoning as to why you want...
Undergraduatemarcee34 - Feb 7, 2010 / essayvision - Feb 14, 2010
|'Going through surgery' - EXPERIENCE THAT HAS AFFECTED YOUR GOALS---SU
5 - Yes, good call, A. Smith! I agree that the sentence was a little awkward. "Any and everything" does...
UndergraduateNene101 - Feb 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 14, 2010
|University of Toronto, Commerce Supplementary Essay
7 - You are applying to the Rotman commerce school, so some business relevance would be appropriate. Specify what positive change,...
Undergraduate_fantasy - Feb 9, 2010 / linmark - Feb 14, 2010
|How do you think Fitchburg Sate will help you succeed? (computer studies)
3 - thanks...
Undergraduatemasterj1200 - Feb 13, 2010 / masterj1200 - Feb 14, 2010
|My journey towards success - This is for my common application
6 - You have to take care in your spelling and the way you have stated idea as well. Hope extensive...
UndergraduateNaj - Feb 6, 2010 / usalma2002 - Feb 14, 2010
|Why I love psychology -Cornell supp
7 - What's wrong with a reference to the Hitchhiker's Guide? It's great. This whole thing is great. I'm glad I...
Undergraduatekeilinger - Dec 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 13, 2010
|"to become an extraordinary teacher",common application-extracurricular activity
8 - It is more inspiring/convincing that being an extraordinary teacher ...etc. is your dream/aspiration than your realization (at the...
Undergraduatesheila - Feb 7, 2010 / linmark - Feb 13, 2010
|Purpose of studying Korean and future plans?
2 - Yes, it's because you don't have an idea for the essay yet. When essays are assigned in school, and...
Undergraduateorlandame - Feb 12, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 13, 2010
|a psychology major, passion for learning: Common App transfer essay
4 - EF_Kevin: Thanks for the advice, I am working on a good thesis statement to add! "I reread this...
Undergraduate2010trans - Feb 12, 2010 / 2010trans - Feb 13, 2010
|Helen Miers: Someone who had made an impact on my life essay
Undergraduateaaguilar181 - Feb 11, 2010 / pixie4545 - Feb 13, 2010
|University of Washington Undergraduate Transfer (Business School)
Undergraduatehmoon55 - Feb 12, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|"father's illness" - Any challenges or obstacles you have faced in your life
4 - That is great! And he must have enormous wisdom after the reflection that must have been caused by that...
Undergraduatebud444 - Feb 10, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|First Day at Maybeck High School: Personal Statement for College.
UndergraduateKJ92 - Feb 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|Teaching, advising, and mentoring - Smith Supplement to meet my academic goals
6 - Yes, change that first sentence. That sentence could be written about almost any school. You should write a sentence...
Undergraduatesmith2010 - Feb 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|Narrative on GOALS (financial obligations and special circumstances)
2 - You forgot an apostrophe: I became fascinated by how our forefathers' experiment, a republican democracy, evolved... Do you...
Undergraduatenkhattri - Feb 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|"liberal arts education and a tight-knit community" - Reason For TRANSFERRING.
7 - the creativity seems forced. I was gripped by thr first para but then my eyes started skimming your elaborate...
UndergraduateRandyhl - Feb 10, 2010 / chris0089 - Feb 12, 2010
|My art works or my through the musically inclined voice, FSU Vires Artes Mores.
Undergraduatedanniee - Dec 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|applying undergraduate UK, Electronics and Electric engineering
2 - ... came to realize that the study of Electronics was compelling me to become an electronic engineer. Since...
UndergraduateMinty - Feb 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|Personal Statement- Why having Asperger's has inspired me to join Peace Corps
6 - Thank you...
UndergraduateSHABAIL - Feb 9, 2010 / SHABAIL - Feb 12, 2010
|English, my favorite subject; University of Toronto SAF
4 - wow... i really say "i believe" too often... thanks!! *Describe in more detail the responsibilities and skills you...
Undergraduatesangeetacharya - Feb 5, 2010 / sangeetacharya - Feb 12, 2010
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