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|an aspiring student, Why are you considering Stony Brook University?
4 - It's interesting to compare this with what you wrote right after it. This sentence has lots of words, and...
Undergraduateiluvskool18 - Feb 16, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 17, 2010
|As I journey through life I often asked myself, "What is my life purpose? Essay for Peace Corps
Undergraduatenarithchhit - Feb 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 17, 2010
|"I can be the person I dream of" - Common App. Macalester Supplement.
UndergraduateRandyhl - Feb 15, 2010 / fierna_hartnett - Feb 17, 2010
|Personal biography (past life, future goals, education, experiences)
Undergraduatebud444 - Feb 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|How did you learn about NJIT and why are you applying for admission?
2 - Practice writing in the past tense... the things that already happened. Today I learn, and yesterday I learned. ...
UndergraduateMarcosDominican - Feb 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|Common Application- Favorite Activity (I participated in Green Team)
8 - This sounds like a poetic way to refer to your environmental protection efforts, too! This whole thing...
Undergraduateahickey - Feb 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|"Highlighting the strengths and weaknesses" Commonapp essay..What do you think?
6 - Yep, you have to hope they appreciate bold originality. If they don't, maybe it is not the right school!...
Undergraduatepixie4545 - Feb 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|Statement of Purpose - SCAD (art and design interest)
UndergraduateChristinaDion - Feb 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|professional admission to undergraduate business school, why I should be part of
Undergraduateuofa234 - Feb 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|Columbia Transfer essay, a sense of who you are (international student)
Undergraduatealicose1010 - Feb 12, 2010 / alicose1010 - Feb 16, 2010
|Allegheny College "Why?" essay.
6 - Attracted the big yellow word "unusual," my fingers I grip the side of the paper and people in wonder...
Undergraduateuyt6996 - Feb 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|Hearts of my peers and teachers- greatest contribution to your school/community
Undergraduatenkhattri - Feb 11, 2010 / nkhattri - Feb 16, 2010
|tufts second optional essay: house of cards
4 - I had begun to sweat profusely when I realized that this was the last question. --- just an idea,...
Undergraduateginny2345 - Feb 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2010
|"to advance my efforts and acquire my law degree" -Law School Personal Statement
Undergraduatetdcampbe - Feb 15, 2010 / EF_Susan - Feb 15, 2010
|Academic Elements, Personal Elements - UW Personal statement.
2 - ...have just finished my military service so I have not studied for a while -- and I also have...
Undergraduateleidris - Feb 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 15, 2010
|APPAREL INDUSTRIAL ENGINEER
3 - AS AN INDUSTRIAL ENGINEER , I HAVE START PRACTICING FROM BASIC WORK STUDY TO LEAN MANUFACTURING SYSTEMS IN MY...
UndergraduateAPPAREL ENGR - Feb 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 15, 2010
|"Be all that you can be." - University of Washington Transfer Essay
2 - First of all, sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I can only imagine the traumatic distress...
Undergraduateeveb86 - Feb 14, 2010 / essayvision - Feb 14, 2010
|"An entrepreneur at heart" - economics, reasons for transferring, objectives
8 - Your revision is significantly better than your initial draft as it reflects detailed reasoning as to why you want...
Undergraduatemarcee34 - Feb 7, 2010 / essayvision - Feb 14, 2010
|'Going through surgery' - EXPERIENCE THAT HAS AFFECTED YOUR GOALS---SU
5 - Yes, good call, A. Smith! I agree that the sentence was a little awkward. "Any and everything" does...
UndergraduateNene101 - Feb 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 14, 2010
|University of Toronto, Commerce Supplementary Essay
7 - You are applying to the Rotman commerce school, so some business relevance would be appropriate. Specify what positive change,...
Undergraduate_fantasy - Feb 9, 2010 / linmark - Feb 14, 2010
|How do you think Fitchburg Sate will help you succeed? (computer studies)
3 - thanks...
Undergraduatemasterj1200 - Feb 13, 2010 / masterj1200 - Feb 14, 2010
|My journey towards success - This is for my common application
6 - You have to take care in your spelling and the way you have stated idea as well. Hope extensive...
UndergraduateNaj - Feb 6, 2010 / usalma2002 - Feb 14, 2010
|Why I love psychology -Cornell supp
7 - What's wrong with a reference to the Hitchhiker's Guide? It's great. This whole thing is great. I'm glad I...
Undergraduatekeilinger - Dec 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 13, 2010
|"to become an extraordinary teacher",common application-extracurricular activity
8 - It is more inspiring/convincing that being an extraordinary teacher ...etc. is your dream/aspiration than your realization (at the...
Undergraduatesheila - Feb 7, 2010 / linmark - Feb 13, 2010
|Purpose of studying Korean and future plans?
2 - Yes, it's because you don't have an idea for the essay yet. When essays are assigned in school, and...
Undergraduateorlandame - Feb 12, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 13, 2010
|a psychology major, passion for learning: Common App transfer essay
4 - EF_Kevin: Thanks for the advice, I am working on a good thesis statement to add! "I reread this...
Undergraduate2010trans - Feb 12, 2010 / 2010trans - Feb 13, 2010
|Helen Miers: Someone who had made an impact on my life essay
Undergraduateaaguilar181 - Feb 11, 2010 / pixie4545 - Feb 13, 2010
|University of Washington Undergraduate Transfer (Business School)
Undergraduatehmoon55 - Feb 12, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|"father's illness" - Any challenges or obstacles you have faced in your life
4 - That is great! And he must have enormous wisdom after the reflection that must have been caused by that...
Undergraduatebud444 - Feb 10, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|First Day at Maybeck High School: Personal Statement for College.
UndergraduateKJ92 - Feb 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|Teaching, advising, and mentoring - Smith Supplement to meet my academic goals
6 - Yes, change that first sentence. That sentence could be written about almost any school. You should write a sentence...
Undergraduatesmith2010 - Feb 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|Narrative on GOALS (financial obligations and special circumstances)
2 - You forgot an apostrophe: I became fascinated by how our forefathers' experiment, a republican democracy, evolved... Do you...
Undergraduatenkhattri - Feb 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|"liberal arts education and a tight-knit community" - Reason For TRANSFERRING.
7 - the creativity seems forced. I was gripped by thr first para but then my eyes started skimming your elaborate...
UndergraduateRandyhl - Feb 10, 2010 / chris0089 - Feb 12, 2010
|My art works or my through the musically inclined voice, FSU Vires Artes Mores.
Undergraduatedanniee - Dec 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|applying undergraduate UK, Electronics and Electric engineering
2 - ... came to realize that the study of Electronics was compelling me to become an electronic engineer. Since...
UndergraduateMinty - Feb 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|Personal Statement- Why having Asperger's has inspired me to join Peace Corps
6 - Thank you...
UndergraduateSHABAIL - Feb 9, 2010 / SHABAIL - Feb 12, 2010
|English, my favorite subject; University of Toronto SAF
4 - wow... i really say "i believe" too often... thanks!! *Describe in more detail the responsibilities and skills you...
Undergraduatesangeetacharya - Feb 5, 2010 / sangeetacharya - Feb 12, 2010
|Why I want to study engineering- Poly NYU Personal Statement
3 - 1. I really like your reason for choosing time square (notice "time" not plural), that you can witness how...
UndergraduateJRob105 - Feb 7, 2010 / essayvision - Feb 12, 2010
|Eliot's "Prufrock"; College essay on literature that changed me
5 - Yeah, I thought punctuated equilibrium sounded familiar. It's a great term; I'm jealous of whoever came up with it....
Undergraduatedpi2010 - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 11, 2010
|"My two educations" - College essay
4 - This quote seems like it might be wrong: "There are two types of education... The kind that teaches you...
Undergraduatemariah - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 11, 2010
|'Art Corporation' - University of Washington Art School Transfer
2 - Not much room for improvement here! It's great... I would use a comma to manage this sentence: Shortly...
Undergraduateinkstand - Feb 10, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 11, 2010
|Upenn optional essay: page 217 of 300 paged auto-biography
4 - fulfilled is an interesting word. but I'm not sure it fits right here. was the hospital feeling fulfilled?...
Undergraduateginny2345 - Dec 24, 2009 / meisj0n - Feb 11, 2010
|diligence and determination:What qualities or unique characteristics you possess
Undergraduatetmw143 - Feb 10, 2010 / tmw143 - Feb 11, 2010
|'New ways / The Getaway' -Tufts University - Why Tufts? & Short Story
13 - Thank you so much Essay Forum and dear moderators!! I was accepted in ED2. I really appreciate your help...
Undergraduatezealzou - Nov 25, 2009 / zealzou - Feb 11, 2010
|Essay On Remembering Events as FRESHMEN in Oakland University, Home Sweet Home
Undergraduatealina967 - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|Columbia Transfer: How and why is your present school not meeting your needs?
5 - When I nervously peeked into my first class at a community college, I was confused if about whether...
Undergraduatemjk249 - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|CCAD personal, artistic, career goals
3 - I don't think you say enough about "why CCAD was selected as the place" ... you mention abstract things...
Undergraduategreteljuice91 - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|"a family meeting" - obstacle essay
5 - Hey, let's not be dissociating ourselves from our grandmother just because of an illness: I will never forget the...
UndergraduateHowieD9 - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|Common App - Topic of Your Own Choice (How I Face Challenges)
3 - I am a quiet, seemingly innocuous (no comma necessary here) man who does not lurk in the shadows -...
Undergraduateemjay1264jr - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|"Magical Fluids": college admission essay.
7 - Well, a wave of something can strike you. But I don't know if you can be stricken with emotion....
UndergraduateTolo - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|"to become acquainted with you as a person and student" - Personal Essay
3 - This is an important observation. It's a little presumptuous to say that you know how most students are,...
Undergraduatemiranda - Feb 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 9, 2010
|IUPUI: Personal letter about goals and values- Feedback
3 - Run on sentence: In most of my childhood I was spoiled and wasn't exposed to many children my age;...
Undergraduatelgerron - Feb 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 9, 2010
|Once The 'Me' Fought Its Way Out, Story of your life(Emerson Transfer Statement)
2 - The transformation you describe reminds me of something Eckhart Tolle wrote in the intro to the Power of Now...
Undergraduatejaimarec - Feb 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 9, 2010
|Becoming a doctor - personal Letter about my future plans (Mount Ida College)
Undergraduatetiya90 - Feb 7, 2010 / tiya90 - Feb 8, 2010
|"A past not repeated" - Texas A&M transfer student essay
Undergraduateeford09 - Feb 7, 2010 / eford09 - Feb 8, 2010
|"education" is little more than an expensive isolation - essays for Stanford.
5 - Put that comma inside the quotes. also, why capitalize economist and not writer! We writers might take offense! :-)...
Undergraduatephoenix20 - Feb 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 8, 2010
|Brown supplemental essay, that "perfect" one.
4 - I'm applying as a transfer student, so I don't know if that's why there is a difference in characters...
Undergraduatepeacelovesarah - Feb 7, 2010 / peacelovesarah - Feb 8, 2010
|Hospitality Administration - Cornell Transfer Admissions Essay
10 - Awesome, this and your other reflections amount to sme great advice for everyone reading this. Focusing on your...
Undergraduatekcmcvay8584 - Jan 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 8, 2010
|"to improve my relationship with my father" - Help with Practice personal essay
3 - This is such a strange and cool writing style! Revise to get rid of unnecessary words, trimming them away:...
UndergraduateUPennHopeful - Feb 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 8, 2010
|My writing, my music, my self-expression - Transfer Statement! (Emerson College)
Undergraduatejaimarec - Feb 6, 2010 / jaimarec - Feb 8, 2010
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