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|Grinnell - Sunlight is my salvation out of being discouraged Transfer Essay
4 - uninspired by the lack of academic passion around me --- this part is awkward. Feeling uninspired by a lack...
UndergraduateRandyhl - Mar 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 5, 2010
|"Almost at the bottom!", Common Application Main Essay
21 - No problem Kevin, anyhow this is not my final one. Thank you again for giving me so much help....
Undergraduateglimmering - Jan 8, 2010 / glimmering - Mar 5, 2010
|SOP for HKUST - to build on language, heritage
4 - These values enabled them to create a successful business legacy; an achievement that made me appreciate and admire the...
Undergraduatelinmark - Mar 2, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 4, 2010
|study abroad in japan--buddhist art and neuroscience???
Undergraduateasymptote - Mar 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 3, 2010
|Walter Percy Inspired Essay (strange objects in the Cosmos)
4 - Use a hyphen: With such extreme life-sustaining issues on earth in... But this sounds like the issues sustain life....
Undergraduatehey_millie - Feb 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 3, 2010
|advice I've gotten from "Hero" by Mariah Carey
UndergraduateN2N - Feb 28, 2010 / Ariel - Mar 3, 2010
|Man Ponders Himself - Transfer admission Essay
6 - yes. I guess you would have to see it for yourself to understand what I'm saying. You apply and...
Undergraduatehey_millie - Feb 24, 2010 / hey_millie - Mar 2, 2010
|"gadgets and the world of technology" - essay for uiuc admission
4 - Let's just get rid of "am": I have always been fascinated by gadgets and the world of technology and...
Undergraduaterik19 - Mar 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 2, 2010
|Embracing Adversity as a First Generation American- Transfer Optional Essay
Undergraduatearidnepenthe - Feb 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 2, 2010
|The itellectuals. (an issue of importance to you)
2 - You can't make a generalization about most educators and most institutions... maybe you can write, "Too often, intellectuals...
Undergraduatesuccess - Feb 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 2, 2010
|Pharmacy undergrad application essay - "someone who has influenced you"
6 - Thanks for all the help! I did make several changes and additions in accordance to your advice, however I...
UndergraduateVaeVictus - Feb 24, 2010 / VaeVictus - Mar 2, 2010
|William & Mary Supplement - The Type of Person You Are.
Undergraduateurbanoutfitters - Mar 1, 2010 / urbanoutfitters - Mar 1, 2010
|'Think, understand, integrate, and prove' - University: Why Chicago
5 - Also keep in mind that the reviewer of your essay will most likely already be familiar with Ayn Rand;...
Undergraduateamcgin - Feb 28, 2010 / asymptote - Mar 1, 2010
|"geology that involves engineering applications" - statement of purpose
Undergraduateshadow - Feb 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 1, 2010
|Students Helping Honduras - William and Mary Re-open Transfer Statement
3 - This is pretty great! Let's get rd of the second comma in this sentence: After taking a semester of...
Undergraduateimjordon - Feb 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 1, 2010
|"environment design", Cornell transfer- reasons for transferring and objectives
3 - This makes me wonder what was lacking. It makes me want to know about some realization you had,...
Undergraduatequan - Feb 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 1, 2010
|"making video games" - your education at the ai to help you attain career goals
3 - I want to be involved in and surrounded by activities associated with game designing. ----- are you sure? some...
Undergraduatechuck - Feb 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 1, 2010
|"want the real college experience" - University of Texas SOP Transfer
3 - This sentence above is a little awkward on the attention, but aside from that, your essay is SO...
Undergraduatemilkiberry - Feb 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 1, 2010
|"a better insight into life at BU" - any other ideas?
8 - This is a good place to use one of those powerful, short phrases after a semi-colon: It was 30...
Undergraduaterbu19 - Feb 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 1, 2010
|UIUC "doing hard things can make people better" - extracurricular activity
Undergraduateblackbird - Feb 26, 2010 / fznfire - Mar 1, 2010
|The apocalypse, or judgment day - Help For essay sample Northwest University
9 - The concluding sentence in your first paragraph does not tie in to the essay's last concluding sentence: The best...
UndergraduateAngevil91 - Feb 9, 2010 / linmark - Mar 1, 2010
|"the first one in my family to attend a university" - Common App Essay
Undergraduateusmany01 - Feb 21, 2010 / usmany01 - Mar 1, 2010
|Elaborate on one of your activites(extracurricular, personal activities,or work)
2 - Very interesting idea! I hope the admissions person who reads this essay is able to appreciate your contemplative...
Undergraduatelnwhited - Feb 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 28, 2010
|Letter of Appeal to University of Florida (I was not approved)
3 - your in a tough spot, appeals almost never work, but i'd get some advice from your counselor or someboy...
Undergraduatehollyn91 - Feb 27, 2010 / srandhawa - Feb 28, 2010
|To bring forth excellence one must seek opportunity and recognize it; Peace Corps volunteer
2 - I think this sentence above should be your first sentence. All the stuff before it surely comes from...
Undergraduatemathewsgr - Feb 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 28, 2010
|Oberlin Supplement: Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...
6 - inquire doesn't seem right - did you mean ACQUIRE the sun? I agree with Naveen that you should...
UndergraduateRandyhl - Feb 19, 2010 / linmark - Feb 28, 2010
|University of Virginia - Dinner with Three People: Who and Why?
Undergraduateurbanoutfitters - Feb 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 28, 2010
|Statement of purpose for PhD Philosophy
Undergraduatetubi34 - Feb 26, 2010 / tubi34 - Feb 28, 2010
|"never giving up" - Purdue essay. best advice
Undergraduatepurplespongy22 - Feb 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 28, 2010
|Interested in business, University of illinois: your academic interests or goals
6 - Well, my suggestion is not necessarily the best thing to do, but it is good to use paragraphs. I...
Undergraduateblackbird - Feb 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 28, 2010
|"being a fashion magazine editor" - FIT essay
Undergraduatecrossxhearts - Feb 23, 2010 / crossxhearts - Feb 27, 2010
|"my culture in Kazakhstan" - Dealing with diverse cultures (250 word limit)
4 - We can make this beginning more efficient: When growing up in a certain environment for so long, it is...
UndergraduateJenny_ - Feb 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 27, 2010
|Describe a significant choice that you had to make, discuss the consequences...
UndergraduateVexill - Feb 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 27, 2010
|Great desire to live abroad; AUBG- Broaden Global Perspecitve
Undergraduatestyflex - Feb 25, 2010 / styflex - Feb 27, 2010
|"Ethiopian child didn't have the most orthodox introduction to American culture"
7 - I know what you mean! That's the same with my writing. Please go help some other people with their...
Undergraduateroadwarrior17 - Feb 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 27, 2010
|Interdisciplinary Humanities, U OF SAN DIEGO Transfer Student Personal Statement
5 - Kevin, Thank you so much for your feedback.My insecurity about my application due on Monday has been alleviated. I...
Undergraduatehellokitty930 - Feb 24, 2010 / hellokitty930 - Feb 27, 2010
|"Something not relevant from academic record" - Adelphi Essay
Undergraduatecrossxhearts - Feb 23, 2010 / crossxhearts - Feb 27, 2010
|"why I want to be a nurse?" - Nursing school admissions essay
2 - Your first sentence is good, but you should add 3 more sentences after it and then do a paragraph...
Undergraduatehollylopez - Feb 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 26, 2010
|Psychology Undergrad: Work Experience as Laser tech
4 - You have an incomplete sentence here: Like most other kids from the 80's, I had an almost mystical fascination...
Undergraduateklusterfunk - Feb 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 26, 2010
|interest in interactive media - University Entrance Essay
3 - I have always loved to see photography and visual communication combined with interactive media. It is a lovely...
UndergraduateTrusTfmnp - Feb 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 26, 2010
|"Having a child made me a better person"- meaningful experience, FAMU admissions
Undergraduatetbrown11190 - Feb 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 26, 2010
|"the communist reality" - University of Texas: Statement of Purpose
4 - Thanks for the advice Jen. I see I definitely need to work on answering the prompt, like I said...
UndergraduateVeta - Feb 24, 2010 / Veta - Feb 25, 2010
|"ready to return to my learning state of mind" - SCAD STATEMENT OF PURPOSE
5 - I changed most of the mistakes already and already turned in my statement. Thanks guys! This is a...
Undergraduaterichk - Feb 11, 2010 / richk - Feb 25, 2010
|What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT(FASHION MERCHANDISE MANAGEMENT-B.A) ?
2 - During my flight to New York in winter of 2007, I was excitedly dreaming about my future as a...
Undergraduateappleschool - Feb 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 25, 2010
|A stepping stone: Transfer Student for the Common Application (Emerson College)
6 - you're welcome! Now, if you have a few minutes, go help a few other people on the "Unanswered" list...
Undergraduategber371 - Feb 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 25, 2010
|Marine Biology program, University of NC at Wilmington essay admissions question
2 - When someone is really inspired about something, their ideas have a kind of freshness and a compelling quality...
Undergraduateamk74 - Feb 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 25, 2010
|How to write SoP for a Design University
UndergraduateVIVIAN87 - Feb 18, 2010 / VIVIAN87 - Feb 25, 2010
|admission essay on academic interests AND extracurricular activity
2 - Yes! The thing to do is express your ideas differently for each school. Enjoy the process of expressing your...
Undergraduatepmek - Feb 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 25, 2010
|Rice Transfer Supplement - What perspective can you contribute?
6 - It's a bold claim you make at the start... that you now understand human emotions. Maybe solution is...
Undergraduatekevinchen00723 - Feb 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 25, 2010
|'Encyclopedia books' - UIUC tranfer (Academic interests/professional goal)
4 - Encyclopedia books account for one type. I spent large amount of time reading them when I was young. The...
Undergraduateduduj - Feb 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 25, 2010
|"the ability to lead" - My statement of purpose for UT
7 - Well, after taking into consideration what you guys have told me along with what the writng center here has...
Undergraduatebradm09 - Feb 21, 2010 / bradm09 - Feb 24, 2010
|Why Rice, excellent pre-med program (Transfer Essay)
12 - i agree with janson. being specific in this type of essays could really make you stand out and let...
Undergraduateqchen - Feb 20, 2010 / kevinchen00723 - Feb 23, 2010
|USC Transfer Essay - What Matters To Me and Why? Environmental Internship Essay
9 - The communicative, analytical and political knowledge available in the study of Political Science will be beneficial when representing...
Undergraduateurbanoutfitters - Jan 3, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 23, 2010
|'my vocation in communication' - Statement for Nothwestern university, communication
3 - Thank you very much for your help. You've been really helpful as I don't have anyone else than you....
UndergraduateAngevil91 - Feb 22, 2010 / Angevil91 - Feb 23, 2010
|My short reply on activities for the common app - my work as electrician
Undergraduatelittle636 - Feb 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 23, 2010
|U of T-Victoria College-successful undergraduate experience
4 - this first sentence should be changed, I think: I was firstly attracted by the high reputation of Vic, since...
Undergraduatehqm - Feb 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 23, 2010
|Rice - Why xxx school of study (interested in science)
10 - Jonathan: thanks for the input! Simrath: u really seem to know what you are talking about. i was...
Undergraduatekevinchen00723 - Feb 21, 2010 / kevinchen00723 - Feb 23, 2010
|Computers and technology - Purdue undergrad essay
Undergraduatecmailer91 - Feb 21, 2010 / cmailer91 - Feb 22, 2010
|"the internet mess" - UT Austin Personal Essay
Undergraduatestefoo - Feb 21, 2010 / stefoo - Feb 22, 2010
|"larger and profound education" - Why did i choose to apply to ucf?
2 - I'm applying to the University of Central Florida because I feel that I'm ready for a much larger and...
Undergraduatejohnruiz - Feb 21, 2010 / EF_Susan - Feb 22, 2010
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