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|a psychology major, passion for learning: Common App transfer essay
4 - EF_Kevin: Thanks for the advice, I am working on a good thesis statement to add! "I reread this...
Undergraduate2010trans - Feb 12, 2010 / 2010trans - Feb 13, 2010
|Helen Miers: Someone who had made an impact on my life essay
Undergraduateaaguilar181 - Feb 11, 2010 / pixie4545 - Feb 13, 2010
|University of Washington Undergraduate Transfer (Business School)
Undergraduatehmoon55 - Feb 12, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|"father's illness" - Any challenges or obstacles you have faced in your life
4 - That is great! And he must have enormous wisdom after the reflection that must have been caused by that...
Undergraduatebud444 - Feb 10, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|First Day at Maybeck High School: Personal Statement for College.
UndergraduateKJ92 - Feb 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|Teaching, advising, and mentoring - Smith Supplement to meet my academic goals
6 - Yes, change that first sentence. That sentence could be written about almost any school. You should write a sentence...
Undergraduatesmith2010 - Feb 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|Narrative on GOALS (financial obligations and special circumstances)
2 - You forgot an apostrophe: I became fascinated by how our forefathers' experiment, a republican democracy, evolved... Do you...
Undergraduatenkhattri - Feb 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|"liberal arts education and a tight-knit community" - Reason For TRANSFERRING.
7 - the creativity seems forced. I was gripped by thr first para but then my eyes started skimming your elaborate...
UndergraduateRandyhl - Feb 10, 2010 / chris0089 - Feb 12, 2010
|My art works or my through the musically inclined voice, FSU Vires Artes Mores.
Undergraduatedanniee - Dec 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|applying undergraduate UK, Electronics and Electric engineering
2 - ... came to realize that the study of Electronics was compelling me to become an electronic engineer. Since...
UndergraduateMinty - Feb 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2010
|Personal Statement- Why having Asperger's has inspired me to join Peace Corps
6 - Thank you...
UndergraduateSHABAIL - Feb 9, 2010 / SHABAIL - Feb 12, 2010
|English, my favorite subject; University of Toronto SAF
4 - wow... i really say "i believe" too often... thanks!! *Describe in more detail the responsibilities and skills you...
Undergraduatesangeetacharya - Feb 5, 2010 / sangeetacharya - Feb 12, 2010
|Why I want to study engineering- Poly NYU Personal Statement
3 - 1. I really like your reason for choosing time square (notice "time" not plural), that you can witness how...
UndergraduateJRob105 - Feb 7, 2010 / essayvision - Feb 12, 2010
|Eliot's "Prufrock"; College essay on literature that changed me
5 - Yeah, I thought punctuated equilibrium sounded familiar. It's a great term; I'm jealous of whoever came up with it....
Undergraduatedpi2010 - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 11, 2010
|"My two educations" - College essay
4 - This quote seems like it might be wrong: "There are two types of education... The kind that teaches you...
Undergraduatemariah - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 11, 2010
|'Art Corporation' - University of Washington Art School Transfer
2 - Not much room for improvement here! It's great... I would use a comma to manage this sentence: Shortly...
Undergraduateinkstand - Feb 10, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 11, 2010
|Upenn optional essay: page 217 of 300 paged auto-biography
4 - fulfilled is an interesting word. but I'm not sure it fits right here. was the hospital feeling fulfilled?...
Undergraduateginny2345 - Dec 24, 2009 / meisj0n - Feb 11, 2010
|diligence and determination:What qualities or unique characteristics you possess
Undergraduatetmw143 - Feb 10, 2010 / tmw143 - Feb 11, 2010
|'New ways / The Getaway' -Tufts University - Why Tufts? & Short Story
13 - Thank you so much Essay Forum and dear moderators!! I was accepted in ED2. I really appreciate your help...
Undergraduatezealzou - Nov 25, 2009 / zealzou - Feb 11, 2010
|Essay On Remembering Events as FRESHMEN in Oakland University, Home Sweet Home
Undergraduatealina967 - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|Columbia Transfer: How and why is your present school not meeting your needs?
5 - When I nervously peeked into my first class at a community college, I was confused if about whether...
Undergraduatemjk249 - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|CCAD personal, artistic, career goals
3 - I don't think you say enough about "why CCAD was selected as the place" ... you mention abstract things...
Undergraduategreteljuice91 - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|"a family meeting" - obstacle essay
5 - Hey, let's not be dissociating ourselves from our grandmother just because of an illness: I will never forget the...
UndergraduateHowieD9 - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|Common App - Topic of Your Own Choice (How I Face Challenges)
3 - I am a quiet, seemingly innocuous (no comma necessary here) man who does not lurk in the shadows -...
Undergraduateemjay1264jr - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|"Magical Fluids": college admission essay.
7 - Well, a wave of something can strike you. But I don't know if you can be stricken with emotion....
UndergraduateTolo - Feb 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2010
|"to become acquainted with you as a person and student" - Personal Essay
3 - This is an important observation. It's a little presumptuous to say that you know how most students are,...
Undergraduatemiranda - Feb 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 9, 2010
|IUPUI: Personal letter about goals and values- Feedback
3 - Run on sentence: In most of my childhood I was spoiled and wasn't exposed to many children my age;...
Undergraduatelgerron - Feb 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 9, 2010
|Once The 'Me' Fought Its Way Out, Story of your life(Emerson Transfer Statement)
2 - The transformation you describe reminds me of something Eckhart Tolle wrote in the intro to the Power of Now...
Undergraduatejaimarec - Feb 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 9, 2010
|Becoming a doctor - personal Letter about my future plans (Mount Ida College)
Undergraduatetiya90 - Feb 7, 2010 / tiya90 - Feb 8, 2010
|"A past not repeated" - Texas A&M transfer student essay
Undergraduateeford09 - Feb 7, 2010 / eford09 - Feb 8, 2010
|"education" is little more than an expensive isolation - essays for Stanford.
5 - Put that comma inside the quotes. also, why capitalize economist and not writer! We writers might take offense! :-)...
Undergraduatephoenix20 - Feb 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 8, 2010
|Brown supplemental essay, that "perfect" one.
4 - I'm applying as a transfer student, so I don't know if that's why there is a difference in characters...
Undergraduatepeacelovesarah - Feb 7, 2010 / peacelovesarah - Feb 8, 2010
|Hospitality Administration - Cornell Transfer Admissions Essay
10 - Awesome, this and your other reflections amount to sme great advice for everyone reading this. Focusing on your...
Undergraduatekcmcvay8584 - Jan 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 8, 2010
|"to improve my relationship with my father" - Help with Practice personal essay
3 - This is such a strange and cool writing style! Revise to get rid of unnecessary words, trimming them away:...
UndergraduateUPennHopeful - Feb 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 8, 2010
|My writing, my music, my self-expression - Transfer Statement! (Emerson College)
Undergraduatejaimarec - Feb 6, 2010 / jaimarec - Feb 8, 2010
|"more about you in your own words" - Georgetown University Essay
8 - one of the reasons you might want to transfer to another college should be first and foremost academic. Emphasize...
Undergraduatemayrafelixc - Feb 7, 2010 / marcee34 - Feb 7, 2010
|The importance of education - personal essay (TOPIC E) for UT transfer
3 - Excellent, the high quality of this sentence reflects the high quality of your education. You write very well!...
Undergraduatehope - Feb 6, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 7, 2010
|writing an essay on a topic of my choice for uni application
5 - I definitely like this one a lot more! It is elegant, serious, inspiring, and very thoughtful. It shows real...
Undergraduatenishh - Feb 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 7, 2010
|Transfer essay: Describing my need to go onto a four year university to study
4 - This kind of sentence can be better with no unnecessary words: "Why do I need to go to school?"...
Undergraduatemjk249 - Feb 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 7, 2010
|Personal Statement Admission Essay: Leadership, Creativity, teamwork, Communitiy
5 - I think this whole sentence should be taken out: Success comes from the sweat and tears of hard work,...
UndergraduateGaryJiang - Feb 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 7, 2010
|making large amounts of money or being satisfied to earn a comfortable living
5 - I'll give some ideas, too, in case it is helpful... Everybody should feel to free to be themsevles...
Undergraduateburcugrk - Feb 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 7, 2010
|"wait for my new test scores" - My letter of appeal to USF
2 - yea, before you send this out, definitely get a teacher to review grammar. It's deferred, not differed. ...
Undergraduatematt_eliassen - Feb 7, 2010 / yang - Feb 7, 2010
|UM undergraduate PS essay--educational interests-economics
12 - Perhaps because my delay in growth of my naivety , I came up with a question, which now seem...
Undergraduatekittyg713 - Jan 20, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 7, 2010
|UM setback essay- my failed experiment.
7 - good writing....
Undergraduatekiwi90 - Feb 1, 2010 / blonde10032002 - Feb 7, 2010
|Clark Atlanta University: Preparing yourself for future leadership.
4 - Great ideas. Thanks. It's difficult for me to write my own paper, easier to critque someone elses....
Undergraduatelashay - Feb 1, 2010 / lashay - Feb 6, 2010
|'Like a stab in the heart' - UniversityOf richmond: comfort zone
Undergraduatelola09 - Feb 4, 2010 / Jd87rh - Feb 5, 2010
|Art school admissions personal statement (applying for fashion design)
5 - I like the new material, and I like, especially, the transition backward with the sentence that starts with: But...
Undergraduatejayd2561 - Feb 3, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 5, 2010
|Life is a climb, but the view is great - University of Texas
4 - self conscious needs a hyphen: self-conscious but it is the wrong word here! I think you mean this: As...
Undergraduatet_m_c - Feb 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 5, 2010
|10th Grade Paper - "What is something that has impacted your life?"
Undergraduatesjsauve - Feb 3, 2010 / zahoora - Feb 5, 2010
|Bowdoin Supplement - "School comes first, hockey second"
2 - One sentence: I could stay at home and finish high school with my friends, or I could move three...
Undergraduatebardown13 - Feb 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 5, 2010
|Why OSU? Hard work, resources and research facilities
Undergraduatesourav90 - Feb 3, 2010 / sourav90 - Feb 5, 2010
|Goizueta Essay on Leadership
5 - No, I don't think it digresses in a bad way. A conclusion often adds "something extra," a little additional...
Undergraduatemhusmani - Jan 31, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 4, 2010
|Why I want to research Chemistry
Undergraduatecrystal19 - Feb 3, 2010 / yang - Feb 4, 2010
|About myself and undergraduate studies (a stable and challenging career)
3 - 1. I don't think you need to state your name again in the essay. 2. The second paragraph, esp...
UndergraduateMasenziee - Feb 3, 2010 / chat - Feb 4, 2010
|College Personal Essay help ("I don't lie through my art").
4 - Ha ha, it's because the correct spelling is SO different from the way you would expect it to be!...
Undergraduateonemoreparadise - Feb 2, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 4, 2010
|NY City, area of interest, NYU-Poly - essay prompts, kindly review
2 - Ever s Since I was a kid, I've been interested in both engineering and medicine. The field of...
Undergraduatealphacat92 - Feb 4, 2010 / EF_Susan - Feb 4, 2010
|"hard work and honesty" - My fascination with cornell, transfer essay
10 - thanx all of u guys...i would diffinately work on it again and get back to u guys...u guys are...
Undergraduateazupwah - Feb 1, 2010 / azupwah - Feb 4, 2010
|"effortless to answer" - AUC Admissions Essay: Why are you applying to AUC?
Undergraduaterikacollege91 - Feb 2, 2010 / rikacollege91 - Feb 3, 2010
|admissons to ai (Art Institute of Vancouver)
Undergraduatelullaby - Feb 3, 2010 / Rachach6 - Feb 3, 2010
|How to write statement of purpose?- University of Texas transfer essay A
Undergraduateap178 - Feb 2, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Feb 3, 2010
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