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|a piece of architecture- Sydney Opera House
9 - When I follow the link, I see that a weak attempt at paraphrasing was usually made. For example, in...
Undergraduatebee2010 - Jan 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 25, 2010
|Smith College supps - I want to mature into a whole person
6 - You can make it clearer with the rule called :number agreement": Smithies will head back to their roots ......
Undergraduaterablinh - Jan 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 25, 2010
|"Be All That You Can Be" University of Washington Transfer Personal Statement
NEW - Hello, I am trying to apply to Uof Washington for fall/10. This is the first draft for my personal...
UndergraduateWushu_wong - Jan 25, 2010 / — -
|Difficulties, challenges and adversities - Personal Statement for USC
2 - Here is an idea: ...with elation that suddenly turned into astonishment. and let's use a semi-colon to fix...
Undergraduateechoxie - Jan 23, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jan 24, 2010
|(top 25 law schools) Why did you choose to apply to Franklin and Marshall?
Undergraduatemarpals - Jan 24, 2010 / marpals - Jan 24, 2010
|liberal arts education admissions essay
Undergraduategbee - Jan 23, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jan 24, 2010
|Unfinish Spelman essay. Rough draft: "My first encounter with Psychology"
NEW - Writing prompt: Seeking knowledge and commitment to service are integral parts of the Spelman experience. Discuss and illustrate ways...
Undergraduatesweetharmony09 - Jan 24, 2010 / — -
|McIntire School of Commerce admission essay
Undergraduaterayout - Jan 23, 2010 / rayout - Jan 24, 2010
|Born scientifically inclined, I was, and still am, fascinated by the world around me - USC essay
13 - It's great to have compounded interests. There is no reason an engineer cannot delve into aeronautics, and the kind...
Undergraduategunbladerq - Jan 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 24, 2010
|Grandma: a situation where you had to work or closely associate with someone
6 - If you have it due in 24hrs, then give it in after last minute edits. It's pretty relevant and...
Undergraduatedonod - Jan 22, 2010 / Esaias - Jan 24, 2010
|'memorabilia items' - Why is the University of Chicago a good match for me?
Undergraduategrocks6 - Jan 9, 2010 / yang - Jan 24, 2010
|Princeton Supp: An Essay About Life
2 - It started raining last night. What began as a howling storm had diminished to a lazy drizzle. I curiously...
UndergraduateGiantSalamander - Jan 22, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jan 23, 2010
|An event that has impacted your life. (NCF)
Undergraduateanyafloris - Jan 20, 2010 / anyafloris - Jan 23, 2010
|How has your heritage affected you?
4 - As a daughter of immigrants from China, I endured many harrowing experiences as a minority that I wish I...
Undergraduateky2010 - Jan 20, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 23, 2010
|Is it not in my best interest to write "why this college" as a topic of choice?
6 - The trick is to come up with a theme to write about, but SECRETLY have as your ulterior motive...
Undergraduategbee - Jan 20, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 23, 2010
|Fashion Buying: Personal Statement
2 - Hi Charlotte, it is hard to help if you have not written anything. If you write something, we may...
UndergraduateCharlotte2010 - Jan 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 23, 2010
|Cmn. app: international issue and its importance to me: Bangladesh Poverty
UndergraduateRay92 - Jan 21, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 23, 2010
|St Lawrence University Supp - how you spent your vacations/holidays?
Undergraduatehbrad8002 - Jan 22, 2010 / rablinh - Jan 23, 2010
|What led me to choose psychology - UMich Academic Interest
Undergraduatermultaputri - Jan 21, 2010 / rmultaputri - Jan 23, 2010
|Iowa State University First Year Honors Program Essay: 5 year Space Mission
2 - O really? not to disprove you, but it was newly discovered by the Europeans, namely the English. The...
Undergraduateturk555 - Jan 20, 2010 / meisj0n - Jan 22, 2010
|Having a dinner with three people (dead,fictional, alive) UVA essay
UndergraduateNasir2009 - Jan 3, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 22, 2010
|The Difficult of Art (you tried something for which you had no talent)
3 - I agree about the cliche. Actually, tat whole first sentence is too common and ordinary and uninteresting! A much...
UndergraduateAltgirl - Jan 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 22, 2010
|FSU undergraduate admission essay, "My father once..." (vires, artes, mores)
Undergraduatevick01 - Jan 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 22, 2010
|"success as a Peace Corps Volunteer" - Peace Corp Appliation Essay #2
2 - I just saw some excellent help you gave somebody at essayforum.com/scholarship-22/first-asian-house-representative-united-sates-mcdonald-15107/. I notice this, too: Playing leadership...
Undergraduateubr001 - Jan 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 22, 2010
|UNC Essay The Team That Drives Fantasy Football
7 - merriam-webster.com/netdict/inopportune I guess I think inopportune misfortune is redundant. I thought for a long time, because I'm not...
Undergraduatesrandhawa - Jan 18, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 22, 2010
|fascinated in art, ( goals & future plans )
UndergraduateStarbucksxo - Jan 21, 2010 / Starbucksxo - Jan 22, 2010
|'I had one opponent, I lost!' - person who has impacted you
3 - During sophomore year, I was running for vice president of community outreach for my schools student council. I only...
Undergraduatesunshine123 - Jan 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 21, 2010
|University of Florida essay-- my experience in Slovakia
Undergraduatetorioreo - Jan 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 21, 2010
|Eugene Lang- Tell us a time you were the minority
Undergraduatepekingduck - Jan 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 21, 2010
|I attended a school in Bahrain; Educational Path essay, UM
6 - Right after this, you can improve the credibility of the whole essay with a bit of explanation: Unfortunately,...
Undergraduateklusterfunk - Jan 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 21, 2010
|'Lessons from my Latino heritage' - Cultural Difference-University of Washington
4 - Cut the first sentence, I find no relation to your essay. I attend a dominantly white school, so there...
UndergraduateJanelle - Jan 16, 2010 / Esaias - Jan 21, 2010
|UChicago "In chinese, crisis is composed of two characters, danger/opportunity"
Undergraduatepoleandreel - Jan 16, 2010 / poleandreel - Jan 21, 2010
|'women's basketball' - what most influenced you to apply to Ohio State
2 - Princeton Review ever showed me that OSU's motto... This motto attracts compels me to search for more...
Undergraduatephhusm2000 - Jan 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|How to write a personal essay for Ryerson's Radio and Television Program
3 - Write a one-sentence answer for each of these, and see what COMMON THEME runs through all of them....
UndergraduateChikoyam - Jan 16, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|Why engineering at Ryerson admission essay; 'fascinated with mathematics'
9 - EF_Kevin I cannot thank you enough...buddy I should include you in my essay for making an enormous contribution to...
UndergraduateArwen - Oct 23, 2009 / Arwen - Jan 20, 2010
|'the Asian Supermarket' - Georgetown essay about YOU
5 - I love your writing style, but I think that you should integrate more vivid verbs. That will help illustrate...
Undergraduatejoosunggrace - Jan 11, 2010 / aridnepenthe - Jan 20, 2010
|"My professional experiences vary a lot" - Peace Corps Acceptance Essay #1
Undergraduateubr001 - Jan 14, 2010 / ubr001 - Jan 20, 2010
|I want to be a Biologist and Spanish student - CU Boulder Essay
2 - Let's get rid of some unnecessary words: My two older brothers Teddy and Thomas, who are seven and four...
Undergraduatekatiecahoon - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|Personal Statement for Radiological Technology Program
2 - ...because it combines human compassion with knowledge and technology to assist us at our weakest moments. ... because it...
Undergraduateboussi112 - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|"my work ethics" - Babson Undergraduate Admission-150 word or less essay
4 - You have a run on sentence here: My work ethic was getting stronger than that of compared to the...
Undergraduateamaa2010 - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|World Cultures class - An issue that is important to me
3 - Although this video was about AIDS, another topic was mentioned that also really captivated me: The lack of clean...
UndergraduateJRob105 - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|"What Swimming Has Taught Me"-Texas A&M Essay Topic C
5 - Since this is part of your application as the topic suggests, you may be facing some stiff competition in...
UndergraduateJRob105 - Jan 15, 2010 / klusterfunk - Jan 20, 2010
|The women in the woods- Macalster suplement essay
6 - Sorry I didn't help within the 30 minutes!! :-) here are some ideas for the future, though. Commas:...
Undergraduatefghjk - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|Personal statement-"My failure"
4 - My dreams of fulfilling my parents' hopes, were dashed to pieces. Instead of walking around with a dark...
Undergraduatesfrancis - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|UNC Essay - Expressing My Inner World
Undergraduatematerial_sloth - Jan 15, 2010 / klusterfunk - Jan 20, 2010
|"Time is money" - a significant experience that has special meaning, RPI Essay
3 - This needs a hyphen: For instance, in the field of biomedical engineering, long strides -- or, as some would...
Undergraduatearkarain - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|"people are more similar than different" - Whitman: diversity in DC
3 - Your first paragraph confused me!! I misunderstood what you meant. You would like to say, but you cannot, because...
Undergraduategarfunkel129 - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|"a family dedicated to high technology" - Short essay on diversity and others
Undergraduatejindu85 - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|Short essay on Coloardo College's Block Plan
2 - This is a fascinating one! I see that I may have been wrong, while critiquing another of your essays,...
Undergraduatejindu85 - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|Georgia Tech Essay "Code and Design"
4 - Well, this is great writing! I apologize for missing the deadline! Here is an idea below that you can...
UndergraduatetheAbraham - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|Why essay for Colorado College (special academic calendars)
6 - Don't repeat it twice in that first line: I first learnt about Colorado College from an article introducing special...
Undergraduatejindu85 - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 20, 2010
|What can you contribute to our school (but I have nothing to contribute)?
5 - look into the culture of the place your applying to, thats the key for alot of these contribution essays,...
Undergraduateterriblewriting - Jan 19, 2010 / srandhawa - Jan 19, 2010
|"stunts shown in Jackie Chan's movies" - My common application essay
Undergraduatecharu1603 - Nov 29, 2009 / charu1603 - Jan 19, 2010
|UNC - 500 Word Supplement - The Banana Boat
3 - first off sorry, for the late response, i just finished turning my application in, i know my essay was...
Undergraduatetwizzlestraw - Jan 19, 2010 / srandhawa - Jan 19, 2010
|Essay - Looking back, ten years from now.
5 - Hey, good call! I remember looking at this one earlier today, and I didn't notice that "of" where...
Undergraduatebobbydreed - Jan 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 19, 2010
|Want to be around so many people; Reason for transfer/ objectives
2 - " the same reason" What same reason? Be clear, because it sounds a bit incomplete and confusing. "I...
UndergraduateRachach6 - Jan 19, 2010 / RabiaG - Jan 19, 2010
|Brandeis Supplement, why brandeis? diff approach
5 - i agree w/ the above posters, this essay doesnt target brandeis, it just falls under the vague generalizations that...
Undergraduatedamo - Jan 15, 2010 / srandhawa - Jan 19, 2010
|Georgetown Essay: Summer Activity: My time in Kenya
3 - Right here, you switch from present tense to past tense. You should keep it in the present tense:...
Undergraduatejoosunggrace - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 19, 2010
|need to make it more concise (my application process to pharmacy schools)
5 - During the last few years, I handled work, commuting, and extracurriculars (no comma necessary here) while also being a...
Undergraduatepharmd9 - Jan 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 19, 2010
|Sugar We're Goin' Down (My love for film and video), to pursue a degree
3 - This part lulls me into confusion. I think it could be replaced with just a short sentence; try...
Undergraduatecaisson22 - Jan 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 19, 2010
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