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|"I am the best, I am the champion" - Overconfidence and humility
6 - It is excellent! Let's put this all in a solid paragraph: Back then, I was a young adolescent...
UndergraduateEsaias - Jan 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 28, 2010
|"more newer things to explore" - Rhodes Supplement statements
8 - Well, it is not usually good to have paragraphs of only two sentences. You should show good composition by...
Undergraduatepixie4545 - Jan 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 28, 2010
|"boot camp for the United States Coast Guard" - Peace Corp Essay #2
Undergraduatebigspilv - Jan 27, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jan 28, 2010
|My roots in Algeria - Barrett Honors College application essay
4 - Here is a great example of a situation where an essay would be better off without a certain sentence:...
Undergraduateylaimeche - Jan 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 28, 2010
|"Thank You" is more than a phrase - Gettysburg College Supplement...
3 - Thanks, Kevin. Here is what I finally came up with for the second question. It's a little more than...
Undergraduatesalbazili - Jan 20, 2010 / salbazili - Jan 28, 2010
|NYU (Cinema Studies): Four Small Prompts Driving Me Insane
UndergraduateNoir Lethal - Jan 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 28, 2010
|UM, Book that has made impact on you: Victor Wooten (The Music Lesson)
16 - hahahah, that adds a new dimension to the funny discussion...hey, thanks Sandra, I didn't think this Baby It...
Undergraduateklusterfunk - Jan 20, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 28, 2010
|peace corps essay sharing my knowdelege, my skills, my culture
3 - thanks :)...
Undergraduateisis84 - Jan 23, 2010 / isis84 - Jan 28, 2010
|interest and preparation for art school -(feedback)
5 - Thanks everyone, your feedbacks helped me. I will review the first paragraph and maybe explain it a bit more...
Undergraduategouaoulde - Jan 26, 2010 / gouaoulde - Jan 28, 2010
|overview about educational and life experiences
Undergraduateivan9210 - Jan 13, 2010 / ivan9210 - Jan 27, 2010
|Window watching - common app essay
2 - Gazing through what feels like a portal to another world, but not one amongst or stars, not in that...
UndergraduateHowieD9 - Jan 26, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jan 27, 2010
|Explanation for my poor performance in my high school.
3 - However, when the semester was underway, I fell into a difficult time with regard to my studies, as teachers...
Undergraduatemilkbread - Jan 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 27, 2010
|"the Gifted Education Programme" - U of Wisconsin statement 2
Undergraduatewasabipeaz - Jan 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 27, 2010
|Marist Supplement- why is marist 4 u?
Undergraduatenkhattri - Dec 22, 2009 / linmark - Jan 27, 2010
|Johns Hopkins University-Why I Chose Math and Public Health
Undergraduatecmg12 - Dec 29, 2009 / linmark - Jan 27, 2010
|U of Michigan - Respect for Diversity - Cultural Diff. (Chinese and Americans)
6 - yeah, I didnt really put too much time on this essay. I must admit greater good does sound corny...
UndergraduateEsaias - Jan 21, 2010 / Esaias - Jan 27, 2010
|JHU Supplementary Essay - Sick Sister - Need HELP fast!
13 - yes, I am sure. I know what you mean, I like most parts of Biology, but especially metabolism and...
UndergraduateEsaias - Dec 24, 2009 / Esaias - Jan 27, 2010
|Additional Information for undergraduate admission
3 - I did not do as well academically in high school as I could have. During the first two years,...
UndergraduateRachach6 - Jan 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 26, 2010
|2 UofWA essays! About drawing, crows, Mao Zhe Dong & nose picking...
5 - Thank you so much for reading AND correcting my essays T__T !!!! I'm really happy you like them! (:...
Undergraduatefalalasunshine - Jan 15, 2010 / falalasunshine - Jan 26, 2010
|STUCK - World View Essay - how I can alter this?
3 - Okay, it is written beautifully, but I think the first few lines should be written in the first person...
Undergraduateimported616 - Jan 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 26, 2010
|a strict Asian household: How has your family history influence who you are?
5 - Don't mean to be blunt but maybe you could extend that essay a little? Delve deeper on your examples,...
Undergraduatebblueblob - Jan 24, 2010 / icemaster2340 - Jan 26, 2010
|fashion management program, What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT?
Undergraduatesylee - Jan 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 26, 2010
|how did u hear about Mahindra and why mahindra
3 - Wow, that is what we ask when we want to improve our business marketing strategies. It doesn't seem...
Undergraduatemonarch12 - Jan 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 26, 2010
|'Pre-law studies' - How did you hear about Franklin and Marshall and why did apply?
2 - brilliant attempt!! but do a few corrections: 1)Franklin and Marshall offersthe programs that broaden and develop .....
Undergraduatethamusipuma - Jan 26, 2010 / umulbaneen - Jan 26, 2010
|"I wanted to be a boy" - U of Wisconsin statement
12 - oh WOW thanks, i realised I really missed that out TOTALLY. Is it okay if i kinda just insert...
Undergraduatewasabipeaz - Jan 24, 2010 / wasabipeaz - Jan 26, 2010
|"never started learning Chinese until I entered high school" - common app
12 - Thanks for the suggestion! I admit I am not exactly bilingual, though pretty close, I guess, as thinking...
UndergraduateEsaias - Dec 8, 2009 / Esaias - Jan 26, 2010
|"Social Science Department (Economics) - academic or intellectual curiosities?
Undergraduatemarpals - Jan 9, 2010 / marpals - Jan 25, 2010
|Mythology: I'm curious, is this a good essay for a HS senior?
3 - This essay is good for a college senior. You a obviously very insightful and show complex reasoning skills. Kevin...
UndergraduatePunpunpun - Jan 21, 2010 / bigspilv - Jan 25, 2010
|"to achieve my goals" - FSU Application Essay - "Vires, Artes, Mores"
4 - You might have looked at this fast and typed the wrong word... it has to be My mother's courage...
UndergraduateKayla - Jan 18, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 25, 2010
|Growing up in Art, and Grade Stress ~ UCF prompts
3 - My family bonds are comprised of interaction rather than blood. Adopted as a baby from Lima, Peru (they know...
UndergraduateJulieB - Jan 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 25, 2010
|a piece of architecture- Sydney Opera House
9 - When I follow the link, I see that a weak attempt at paraphrasing was usually made. For example, in...
Undergraduatebee2010 - Jan 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 25, 2010
|Smith College supps - I want to mature into a whole person
6 - You can make it clearer with the rule called :number agreement": Smithies will head back to their roots ......
Undergraduaterablinh - Jan 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 25, 2010
|"Be All That You Can Be" University of Washington Transfer Personal Statement
NEW - Hello, I am trying to apply to Uof Washington for fall/10. This is the first draft for my personal...
UndergraduateWushu_wong - Jan 25, 2010 / — -
|Difficulties, challenges and adversities - Personal Statement for USC
2 - Here is an idea: ...with elation that suddenly turned into astonishment. and let's use a semi-colon to fix...
Undergraduateechoxie - Jan 23, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jan 24, 2010
|(top 25 law schools) Why did you choose to apply to Franklin and Marshall?
Undergraduatemarpals - Jan 24, 2010 / marpals - Jan 24, 2010
|liberal arts education admissions essay
Undergraduategbee - Jan 23, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jan 24, 2010
|Unfinish Spelman essay. Rough draft: "My first encounter with Psychology"
NEW - Writing prompt: Seeking knowledge and commitment to service are integral parts of the Spelman experience. Discuss and illustrate ways...
Undergraduatesweetharmony09 - Jan 24, 2010 / — -
|McIntire School of Commerce admission essay
Undergraduaterayout - Jan 23, 2010 / rayout - Jan 24, 2010
|Born scientifically inclined, I was, and still am, fascinated by the world around me - USC essay
13 - It's great to have compounded interests. There is no reason an engineer cannot delve into aeronautics, and the kind...
Undergraduategunbladerq - Jan 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 24, 2010
|Grandma: a situation where you had to work or closely associate with someone
6 - If you have it due in 24hrs, then give it in after last minute edits. It's pretty relevant and...
Undergraduatedonod - Jan 22, 2010 / Esaias - Jan 24, 2010
|'memorabilia items' - Why is the University of Chicago a good match for me?
Undergraduategrocks6 - Jan 9, 2010 / yang - Jan 24, 2010
|Princeton Supp: An Essay About Life
2 - It started raining last night. What began as a howling storm had diminished to a lazy drizzle. I curiously...
UndergraduateGiantSalamander - Jan 22, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jan 23, 2010
|An event that has impacted your life. (NCF)
Undergraduateanyafloris - Jan 20, 2010 / anyafloris - Jan 23, 2010
|How has your heritage affected you?
4 - As a daughter of immigrants from China, I endured many harrowing experiences as a minority that I wish I...
Undergraduateky2010 - Jan 20, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 23, 2010
|Is it not in my best interest to write "why this college" as a topic of choice?
6 - The trick is to come up with a theme to write about, but SECRETLY have as your ulterior motive...
Undergraduategbee - Jan 20, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 23, 2010
|Fashion Buying: Personal Statement
2 - Hi Charlotte, it is hard to help if you have not written anything. If you write something, we may...
UndergraduateCharlotte2010 - Jan 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 23, 2010
|Cmn. app: international issue and its importance to me: Bangladesh Poverty
UndergraduateRay92 - Jan 21, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 23, 2010
|St Lawrence University Supp - how you spent your vacations/holidays?
Undergraduatehbrad8002 - Jan 22, 2010 / rablinh - Jan 23, 2010
|What led me to choose psychology - UMich Academic Interest
Undergraduatermultaputri - Jan 21, 2010 / rmultaputri - Jan 23, 2010
|Iowa State University First Year Honors Program Essay: 5 year Space Mission
2 - O really? not to disprove you, but it was newly discovered by the Europeans, namely the English. The...
Undergraduateturk555 - Jan 20, 2010 / meisj0n - Jan 22, 2010
|Having a dinner with three people (dead,fictional, alive) UVA essay
UndergraduateNasir2009 - Jan 3, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 22, 2010
|The Difficult of Art (you tried something for which you had no talent)
3 - I agree about the cliche. Actually, tat whole first sentence is too common and ordinary and uninteresting! A much...
UndergraduateAltgirl - Jan 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 22, 2010
|FSU undergraduate admission essay, "My father once..." (vires, artes, mores)
Undergraduatevick01 - Jan 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 22, 2010
|"success as a Peace Corps Volunteer" - Peace Corp Appliation Essay #2
2 - I just saw some excellent help you gave somebody at essayforum.com/scholarship-22/first-asian-house-representative-united-sates-mcdonald-15107/. I notice this, too: Playing leadership...
Undergraduateubr001 - Jan 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 22, 2010
|UNC Essay The Team That Drives Fantasy Football
7 - merriam-webster.com/netdict/inopportune I guess I think inopportune misfortune is redundant. I thought for a long time, because I'm not...
Undergraduatesrandhawa - Jan 18, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 22, 2010
|fascinated in art, ( goals & future plans )
UndergraduateStarbucksxo - Jan 21, 2010 / Starbucksxo - Jan 22, 2010
|'I had one opponent, I lost!' - person who has impacted you
3 - During sophomore year, I was running for vice president of community outreach for my schools student council. I only...
Undergraduatesunshine123 - Jan 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 21, 2010
|University of Florida essay-- my experience in Slovakia
Undergraduatetorioreo - Jan 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 21, 2010
|Eugene Lang- Tell us a time you were the minority
Undergraduatepekingduck - Jan 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 21, 2010
|I attended a school in Bahrain; Educational Path essay, UM
6 - Right after this, you can improve the credibility of the whole essay with a bit of explanation: Unfortunately,...
Undergraduateklusterfunk - Jan 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jan 21, 2010
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