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|'Many things to do' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality: Research
3 - Yeah, I didn't think it answered the prompt either. It was an old recycled essay. Anyways, please tell...
Undergraduatejennyness - Dec 30, 2009 / jennyness - Dec 31, 2009
|"A scar in my heart" my CommonApp essay. Pease, help me with my grammar.
Undergraduateomgthais - Dec 31, 2009 / omgthais - Dec 31, 2009
|Short, funny Yale responses
4 - Umm, that part just seems like awkward wording. Perhaps try "I wish I could function off of few...
Undergraduatepoisonivy - Dec 31, 2009 / stars11 - Dec 31, 2009
|1. Would you tell us about a few of your favorite books - University of Chicago
6 - Captivating essay! It really tells a lot, and even though it talks about Jordan, I can see there you...
Undergraduateericpark - Dec 30, 2009 / poisonivy - Dec 31, 2009
|"The Forbidden Apple", 2050 Movie of my life. NYU
5 - A boy from an underdeveloped island in China emigrated to America, lived by himself, and attended college, where another...
Undergraduateqomoco - Dec 31, 2009 / qomoco - Dec 31, 2009
|"Setting Werther Free"--Common App Essay
Undergraduatepmurray62 - Dec 27, 2009 / marycornell - Dec 31, 2009
|Do you surf or tinker? Are you a vegetarian poet who loves Ayn Rand? Personal Expression
5 - Here is my new draft: Whether we're talking about my personality, my art, my interests or my wardrobe,...
UndergraduatePeimon - Dec 30, 2009 / Peimon - Dec 31, 2009
|Brown PLME other interests supplement - music, piano
Undergraduatearcticbunny - Dec 31, 2009 / ddragonx34 - Dec 31, 2009
|Yale Supplement - the Pitbull's grin
22 - I was just about to read this before you said that:) Anyway, this is solid, conclusion is solid, actually...
UndergraduateIvy_Equestrian - Dec 31, 2009 / srandhawa - Dec 31, 2009
|MIT: what I do for pleasure: human iPod - (91 words, v short!)
4 - So not to cheeky? haha thanks so much, I followed through with all the edits you guys suggested!...
Undergraduateekfoong - Dec 31, 2009 / ekfoong - Dec 31, 2009
|"Preparing to join my fellow polar bears" - Bowdoin supplement
9 - yeah if you limit the polar bear references and work on the ending the you will have a slamming...
Undergraduatepmurray62 - Dec 31, 2009 / jkminor2010 - Dec 31, 2009
|common app: the world is small - OPINIONS?
2 - Hey articbunny, thanks for the help on my essay. It made a huge difference. [clouds are no longer...
Undergraduatearcticbunny - Dec 31, 2009 / oreo - Dec 31, 2009
|Page 217 of a 300 page autobiography- Scrapbook
3 - wax poetic about the "good old days". <- i'm always OCD about having the punctuation within the quotation marks....
Undergraduatemedelman2010 - Dec 31, 2009 / arcticbunny - Dec 31, 2009
|My 3rd home, America. Williams supplement! topic: looking through the window
Undergraduatekda013 - Dec 31, 2009 / kda013 - Dec 31, 2009
|The faculty of thinking and acquiring knowledge; Stanford/ Intellectual Vitality
4 - Thanks guys, and yeah, as you can probably tell, I'm a math student not an english student! -...
Undergraduatetomjohnson373 - Dec 31, 2009 / tomjohnson373 - Dec 31, 2009
|"Story Of My Life" - I need help with the "topic of your choice" in common app
Undergraduatechirsle286 - Dec 30, 2009 / chirsle286 - Dec 31, 2009
|NYU Supplements - Famous NewYorker and poem/limerick
13 - Wow, your poem is great. For the other question, I would suggest maybe describing a bit more about lady...
Undergraduatestarkizzlers - Dec 31, 2009 / alphacat92 - Dec 31, 2009
|"I strive earnestly like my parents" - UVA- The World I Come From
Undergraduateddragonx34 - Dec 31, 2009 / arcticbunny - Dec 31, 2009
|What don't you know? The answer? Death.
2 - As unfamiliar as I am with death and what truly causes it (or what change of experience it causes),...
Undergraduatehairypodder - Dec 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2009
|COMMON APP ESSAY-- VOLUNTEER TRIP TO INDIA
5 - I think it would make more sense to use the prompt "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have...
Undergraduatechanj - Dec 29, 2009 / garfunkel129 - Dec 31, 2009
|"my intellectual and emotional being" - Tufts Supplement
3 - Having learned the extremes my family faced to escape a corrupted society to provide me with the opportunity to...
Undergraduatedanayx3 - Dec 30, 2009 / poisonivy - Dec 31, 2009
|Any environment that is particularly significant to you my Willliams supplement!
17 - This may have been said before, but it doesn't talk much about you until the very end. The prompt...
UndergraduateWanderer_x - Dec 19, 2009 / garfunkel129 - Dec 31, 2009
|Death by Play-Dough + Acceptance Through Dance - Common App
7 - thanks for the help and I'm trying to work on it right now. Starting with a quote sounds like...
Undergraduatemilano3215 - Dec 31, 2009 / milano3215 - Dec 31, 2009
|Johns Hopkins Supplement- Why I chose undecided major in engineering
4 - Because you were using the present tense just before, use "is" rather than "was." Or, explain that this...
UndergraduateFarhanWasim - Dec 30, 2009 / garfunkel129 - Dec 31, 2009
|"Rationality became a straitjacket" - Princeton Quote Prompt
2 - That quote and first paragraph have me feeling intrigued! Good job... I stepped through the broken fence, slid...
Undergraduatehelp1 - Dec 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2009
|Common App Essay: Building my computer, passion in creating, not using
5 - Anybody else? My qualm is that while I do characterize myself, do colleges want an essay where an...
UndergraduateZel - Dec 31, 2009 / Zel - Dec 31, 2009
|Jumping into the public school environment, a significant challenge
2 - Hi Macy, Your essay was refreshing. Although you could possibly go into further detail about your exeriences. ...
UndergraduateMaceman - Dec 29, 2009 / y2kendoll - Dec 31, 2009
|BROWN WHAT DON"T YOU KNOW:Not Sure Whether I Should Keep Going or Scratch Idea
4 - this is interesting, but the prompt here is what dont you know, i feel like your trying to force...
Undergraduatejkminor2010 - Dec 31, 2009 / srandhawa - Dec 31, 2009
|UPenn Essay - An Extraordinary Symbiotic Relationship
3 - I initially meant to change only the introduction, but instead I ended up changing everything else. But perhaps it...
Undergraduatebongish - Dec 31, 2009 / bongish - Dec 31, 2009
|fine lines (common app) - pre-deadline stress!!
5 - Try to revise this portion of your essay Life cannot be lived in the shadow of what comes after...
Undergraduatereesesx3ramen - Dec 31, 2009 / jkminor2010 - Dec 31, 2009
|UMich Admission Essay: Interests and aspirations in engineering
2 - Don't start with a boring, general, simplistic sentence! Start with a sentence that raises questions in the reader's...
Undergraduatefeliciayin - Dec 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2009
|Living in a foreign boarding school for 3 years-Common Application Essay
Undergraduatelee123 - Dec 29, 2009 / Peimon - Dec 31, 2009
|'Back to Adam' - Vassar Supplement: Walking Backwards
12 - Lauren, it's wonderful, and you're a goddess. But you know that anyway. :) And since I promised to reread...
Undergraduatedramacratic - Dec 30, 2009 / Ivy_Equestrian - Dec 31, 2009
|Common App Activities Short Answer- "Rhythm"
2 - Check this out! wussu.com/laotzu/laotzu08.html In action, watch the timing. One unnecessary comma: From the rapid-fire pulsation of the...
Undergraduatesnorlaxative - Dec 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2009
|U of Chicago Essay Option 4 - Games
5 - Thanks to both of you for your suggestions! I'll try making it more personal and focused. I'm reading...
UndergraduatePeimon - Dec 31, 2009 / Peimon - Dec 31, 2009
|Philosophy and Rochester - URoch Short Answers
3 - nice essays, they were pretty well written. just a few suggestions: on the second essay: change...
Undergraduatenogasa - Dec 31, 2009 / Emmerz - Dec 31, 2009
|Imagination and creativity - Who Am I? That's what defines me as a person.
2 - That first paragraph describes several steps of a complete process that ends with sharing your art, but shouldn't it...
Undergraduatehopefulboy - Dec 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2009
|Common App Essay for Cornell: Topic of My Choice- "Proud to be Boricua"
2 - This essay gets off to an energetic start, and that is very impressive. How about this part, though?...
UndergraduateBoricuaChica - Dec 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2009
|A song for a spike - my Common app essay - "Volleyball"
9 - Add a time interval for the pushups: "...up to 30 push-ups in x amount of time..." Your title:...
Undergraduatepoisonivy - Dec 30, 2009 / dramacratic - Dec 31, 2009
|Williams supplement - "window to my dreams"
2 - It is a beautiful poem. It has great descriptions of the scene you are viewing, but nothing is said...
Undergraduateasdf - Dec 31, 2009 / lee123 - Dec 31, 2009
|"my pursuit of elusive perfection" - Common App Activity and Main Essay
3 - The essay was very well-written, I like the content, it shows your personality perfectly. The only thing I see...
Undergraduatespak417 - Dec 30, 2009 / MonsieurWise - Dec 31, 2009
|Duke Pratt Engineering Essay: Why biomedical engineering at Duke?
2 - Einstein distinguished science from engineering when he explained, "Scientists investigate that which already is; engineers create that which has...
Undergraduatelapsi95 - Dec 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2009
|MIT - "something you do for the pleasure of it" ?! (my love of writing)
Undergraduateapparitionstea - Dec 31, 2009 / Zel - Dec 31, 2009
|nova supplement- lesson learned in life- Sunglasses
3 - Good essay. I especially liked the ending- " My head slowly raised up to get one last glance of...
Undergraduatekall17 - Dec 29, 2009 / sincerelyydavid - Dec 31, 2009
|Stanford: a sense of intellectual vitality "Don Quixote" -rough draft 15 min ago
6 - I was fourteen years old when I first read "The Ingenious Hidalgo Don Quixote de la Mancha" by Miguel...
Undergraduatekldini - Nov 22, 2009 / Paulina213 - Dec 31, 2009
|Cornell CALS AEM - Interests/Related experience how influence your major?
5 - I think that the essay needs a stronger first sentence. I think it would be more attention grabbing to...
UndergraduateSignifica - Dec 29, 2009 / spak417 - Dec 31, 2009
|my grandmother's death, supplement for princeton
Undergraduatemjellma - Dec 31, 2009 / arcticbunny - Dec 31, 2009
|Snow, Sand, and Sunshine: A Collection of Essays: Page 217 of a 300 page biography
4 - So my mom "isnt wowed" by it...she thinks it will be the difference between me getting in or not...
Undergraduatemedelman2010 - Dec 30, 2009 / medelman2010 - Dec 31, 2009
|My stated career choice is "Undecided" - Brown- What don't you know?
2 - Science teaches us that the universe is expanding. ----> can you say this first part n a more sophisticated...
UndergraduateTalkShowTali - Dec 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2009
|"A shepherd's dream" The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.
6 - Really good essay!! I enjoyed it a lot. And the last quote really helps your essay. I think grammar...
Undergraduatepoisonivy - Dec 31, 2009 / kldini - Dec 31, 2009
|Stanford Roommate Essay (I'll bring pictures and many priceless memories)
Undergraduateshannon92 - Dec 19, 2009 / shannon92 - Dec 31, 2009
|Undergraduate Admisson essay-Universty of Illinois essay - Community service
Undergraduaterohitapp - Dec 25, 2009 / rohitapp - Dec 31, 2009
|MIT creativity essay " How i convinced students to donate blood"
3 - For some, the lure of being an unsung hero, someone who is going to save a life, was convincing...
Undergraduatehzia2002 - Dec 28, 2009 / apparitionstea - Dec 31, 2009
|UPenn - Academic/Social Communities Essay: "The Penn-gineer In Me"
2 - I do not think it's garbage at all. Your essay is well-written and it answered the question straight and...
Undergraduatenikhurs - Dec 31, 2009 / MonsieurWise - Dec 31, 2009
|"Marching Band" - Common App - Short Answer (Extracurricular Activity)
3 - Thank you, your suggestions did save me lots of room! I'm still struggling trying to get it in though....
Undergraduatealyssadlee - Dec 31, 2009 / alyssadlee - Dec 31, 2009
|NYU Supplement - essays and a limerick
5 - I love love love your second famous person essay! However, your second poem is a bit harder to follow....
UndergraduatePineappleCrush - Dec 24, 2009 / starkizzlers - Dec 31, 2009
|Something important about me - Strange Supplement for College of William & Mary.
10 - Okay thanks. :DD...
Undergraduateqlulu - Dec 31, 2009 / ardron - Dec 31, 2009
|Born in Taiwan - Williams Supplement - Looking Through A Window
7 - Thanks everyone! I just sent in my supplement this morning. I truly appreciate all the feedback I received....
Undergraduatechristine9944 - Dec 30, 2009 / christine9944 - Dec 31, 2009
|"National Service" - Common App Personal Essay
2 - Wow, this is so much more impressive than anything I have ever done. How messed up it is that...
Undergraduateicf2009 - Dec 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2009
|Brown -How my philosophy class sparked my interest in learning
3 - My advice: "Through this course, I was able to discover a hidden world, if you will, one below"...
Undergraduatelee123 - Dec 31, 2009 / shyeyes - Dec 31, 2009
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