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|How I met Harry Potter. Common Application for 2016 fall
3 - Hailie, when you talk about a background story, it always has to be a character building story or something...
Undergraduatehailie98 - Dec 20, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 20, 2015
|I've always considered myself a "math guy". One page on why do I want to go to Carnagie Mellon
5 - Michael, you should definitely remove the first two paragraphs and replace them. However, you should only replace it with...
Undergraduatemrrocks57 - Dec 18, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 20, 2015
|Leadership, service and progress - The motto of Georgia Tech.
Undergraduatelramad2 - Dec 18, 2015 / lramad2 - Dec 20, 2015
|A problem you solved or a problem you would like to solve
3 - @justivy03 Thank you so much for the feedback. This really means a lot. I can now finally submit my...
UndergraduateAbidalii - Dec 20, 2015 / Abidalii - Dec 20, 2015
|I don't know what to study but won't worry - Boston Uni. can offer me some interdisciplinary courses
4 - vangiespen, really thaaaank u very much. I will read your comment carefully and try to make it even better....
UndergraduateZzzH - Dec 18, 2015 / ZzzH - Dec 20, 2015
|Explain why you are interested in the first-choice major-Mathematics?
5 - Thanks @vangiespen for your kind suggestion. I feel first 3 sentences are jumbled up breaking the flow of the...
Undergraduatenepal2 - Dec 5, 2015 / nepal2 - Dec 20, 2015
|Raising a startup- extracurricular I am most proud of- Columbia University (150 words)
2 - Raphael, while I understand that you had partners who helped you develop the code for the transport app that...
Undergraduateraphnano - Dec 20, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 20, 2015
|Virtual reality and video games - Duke Pratt engineering essay
13 - Thank you! It does flow better than my previous draft. I appreciate you taking the time to help me....
UndergraduateMahir2332 - Dec 16, 2015 / Mahir2332 - Dec 20, 2015
|'The 100 book competition in kindergarten' - College Essay for Milwaukee and Parkside
3 - Christian, without changing the topic for the 100 book competition that you enjoyed when you were in Kindergarten, which...
UndergraduateTurnken - Dec 19, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 19, 2015
|To be a patient and a volunteer alternately - Johns Hopkins Supplemental 'interests' essay
3 - thank you for the criticism . I wrote the essay mostly regarding the social aspects because I wrote my...
Undergraduateckko817 - Dec 19, 2015 / ckko817 - Dec 19, 2015
|Main essay: International student reflecting on a time when challenged a belief or idea
2 - Xu, your observation and participation in the override vote is admirable. However, that is not the point of the...
UndergraduateMj Xu - Dec 19, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 19, 2015
|A semicircle sun in Mongolia and fashion - confronting an idea or belief essay
2 - Anar, this is an unusual response to the prompt. If handled properly, it should turn into a unique response...
UndergraduateAnar0000 - Dec 19, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 19, 2015
|"Organized chaos" - Stanford mini essay 250 words: Future roommate
3 - Hi Joe :-) Your letter makes me believe that your life with your roommate can be the subject of...
Undergraduatejosekada - Dec 18, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 18, 2015
|Writing and Reading - How They Have Shaped Who I Am
6 - The story is somewhat catchy, however, it fails to have a concrete plot. The idea and theme is good,...
UndergraduateJeffreyGuy - Dec 17, 2015 / Milaskha99 - Dec 18, 2015
|Love for mathematics and rational thinking and my newly developed interest in philosophy - Stanford
4 - By my junior year, I had covered advanced mathematical topics including linear algebra and combinatorics, but I felt that...
Undergraduatesjgandhi1998 - Dec 17, 2015 / sjgandhi1998 - Dec 18, 2015
|Tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission
5 - Since the CGS program allows you to pursue various subjects in relation to your possible major, let's call it...
Undergraduatenikkix3 - Dec 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 18, 2015
|Biochem and Bio-med Engineering- Why Michigan?
2 - Anting, the first part of your essay that deals with your interactive experience with science at the age of...
Undergraduatea06 - Dec 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 17, 2015
|Creating opportunities: Personal Essay for Common App (a background, identity, interest, or talent)
2 - Ann, try to focus your essay on the topic that matters the most. In this case, it isn't about...
Undergraduateoip - Dec 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 17, 2015
|I don't believe in Formulas-Personal Statement-Common Application
NEW - Please be free to leave comments, it would be really helpful. :) Big eyes with double eyelids and...
UndergraduateMaryZhang - Dec 17, 2015 / — -
|Personal Statement: Why I didn't choose to drop out.
4 - Xu, your essay doesn't really help your application because it is confusing, boring, and at this point, directionless. The...
UndergraduateCocoXu - Dec 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 17, 2015
|Craving for Computer Science - Georgia Tech Essay
11 - Logesh, your edited, tightened, and final format essay: About two years ago, I came to know what computer...
Undergraduatelramad2 - Dec 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 17, 2015
|"My Youtube Community Channel" - University of Michigan Supplement essay #1
7 - Louisa, I used your suggestion as a basis for my revision. I liked how you made my essay more...
UndergraduatewolfieD - Dec 14, 2015 / wolfieD - Dec 16, 2015
|Not only chemistry, but I'm also passionate in many other fields. My UBC Admissions Personal Profile
3 - Thank you @mayjiang for the first paragraph, the reason I have that top sentence is beaause I'm applying...
UndergraduateHERESYU - Dec 16, 2015 / HERESYU - Dec 16, 2015
|"Onni Annyeong!" Participating in Model United Nations and being a Korean teacher in Thailand
9 - Hi Minjung, here is a 441 word version of your essay. It more than covers all the necessary information...
Undergraduatemj12 - Dec 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 16, 2015
|An essay regarding admissions at Caltech for undergraduates
3 - Tendor, in order to complete your story, don't just tell us the result of your actions and choices. In...
UndergraduateTendor86 - Dec 16, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 16, 2015
|'being a violinist' - Personal Statement about my experience in orchestra
Undergraduateadsxgh - Dec 16, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 16, 2015
|"Manufacturing is more than just putting parts together..." SOP Engineering for undergraduate
2 - Abhay, we can probably make this a generic essay once you learn what the true purpose of your interest...
Undergraduateabhay_khattar - Dec 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 16, 2015
|I want to play quidditch at UChicago
2 - Jeremy, although I know that there are actually some clubs that play a modified game of Quidditch on campus...
Undergraduateskidude23 - Dec 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 15, 2015
|Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University? (Maximum: 250 words)
2 - Hui, don't open the statement with a reference to how your high school failed to deliver on the extra...
Undergraduatespaceboy - Dec 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 15, 2015
|Students have a background, talent or passion that they feel they must write about.
4 - Your diction was very strong, and it worked very well with your essay! A few point of note however:...
Undergraduatespaceboy - Dec 5, 2015 / JeffreyGuy - Dec 15, 2015
|A practicing artist - SAIC Admissions Essay
2 - Kyra, your paper is currently too theoretical in content, with the barest reference to you as a person in...
UndergraduateKHT18 - Dec 14, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 14, 2015
|Heavy pile of books instead of a kindle - College of William and Mary admission essay
2 - Well Mikhail, your essay is certainly right up the avenue that the admissions video suggests you take. It has...
Undergraduatenaitriver - Dec 14, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 14, 2015
|In addition to the generally known facts, what fascinates you the most in Georgia Tech?
4 - Hi Jehad, I think that you should only discuss the real reasons that you are drawn to Georgia Tech....
Undergraduatealhajjja - Dec 14, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 14, 2015
|Who I am, what I want to become and why the admissions office should choose me. NUS Supplement Essay
2 - Hoang, your essay is a bit too long and does not really offer complete answers to the prompt requirements....
UndergraduateHoangVNguyen - Dec 12, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 13, 2015
|Pursuit for a ribbon. Common-App essay revision/quality?
3 - I appreciate the feedback! Made me feel alot better about my essay! I certainly will, with all the college...
Undergraduateaguess97 - Dec 7, 2015 / aguess97 - Dec 13, 2015
|Fear is a problem I never stop trying to solve but never ever solved completely
4 - Michael, one way that you can insert the story about fear being caused by lack of experience but not...
Undergraduatemichaelmiaomiao - Dec 12, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 13, 2015
|My goal to surpass mediocrity and achieving academic excellence - help review Common App essay
4 - In a constructive manner, I think this motif of essay is quite common among the common app. essays, where...
Undergraduateabusayed - Dec 11, 2015 / HoangVNguyen - Dec 13, 2015
|There is a person I treasure more than gold.. Describe your mother (about 100 words)
UndergraduateBtram266 - Dec 12, 2015 / Btram266 - Dec 12, 2015
|Instead of chosing IIT - my country's best institute - I want apply to MIT
3 - Though MIT is a dream of yours, you should focus on how your environment influenced your career goals. What...
Undergraduateveenap - Dec 9, 2015 / kerry2654 - Dec 11, 2015
|International Baccalaureate courses Classes -- Why Macalester essay
2 - Sure, International Baccalaureate courses may be challenging, but it' s real benefit is its international intellectuality students gather throughout...
Undergraduatedanber - Dec 10, 2015 / kerry2654 - Dec 11, 2015
|Being the Biggest Brother - Personal Statement - My world
3 - While I was sitting around the table on the first morning of the New Lunar Year with my whole...
Undergraduateeegii0123 - Dec 10, 2015 / kerry2654 - Dec 11, 2015
|Briefly describe how your past activities or work experiences will enhance our community. USD app.
3 - Thank you for the feedback! Its also a 250 or less word count. Any advice on adding in something...
Undergraduatesbc6 - Dec 6, 2015 / sbc6 - Dec 10, 2015
|My ambition to become a storyteller.
2 - This is really great! The description of why you'd like to become a filmmaker is very descriptive, but sometimes...
Undergraduateeegii0123 - Dec 10, 2015 / desi__d - Dec 10, 2015
|The GOAL - how a specific work of journalism had an impact on your desire to study this subject
2 - ... to witness the legendary game-tying match between the Soviet Union and Canada. To beBeing a part of...
UndergraduateElijah Ngoy - Dec 9, 2015 / eegii0123 - Dec 10, 2015
|The bristles of the paintbrush. Painting plays a crucial role in my life. Help with Common App Essay
Undergraduatekabrid8 - Dec 6, 2015 / kabrid8 - Dec 9, 2015
|"Doc! This one's about to die!". Caltech 'Unusual way in which you have fun' Essay. (200 Words)
UndergraduateAhmadShahnawaz - Dec 9, 2015 / dynaranjani - Dec 9, 2015
|Why Swarthmore? International student writing about political liberal
UndergraduateCindyWang98 - Dec 1, 2015 / CindyWang98 - Dec 9, 2015
|LEYSIN AMERICA SCHOOL, SWITZERLAND APPLICATION ESSAY
4 - I really like it. You connect the person with yourself and answer the question very well. In terms of...
Undergraduateoluwatofunmii - Dec 7, 2015 / AhmadShahnawaz - Dec 9, 2015
|Conflict on my experience between why Rice and why major
UndergraduateHaoranWei - Dec 8, 2015 / HaoranWei - Dec 9, 2015
|Nothing confused me more than downloading a file wirelessly -- Cornell Engineering Essay
Undergraduatejonthom24 - Dec 2, 2015 / jonthom24 - Dec 8, 2015
|UT Austin Topic C, "Growing up as the oldest of three brothers"
2 - Juan, as I read your essay, I believe it's well written, straight to the point and answers the prompt...
Undergraduatejdsada98 - Dec 1, 2015 / justivy03 - Dec 8, 2015
|UC Prompt 2 - Moving from Afghanistan to the States, dealing with poverty, culture differences, more
3 - Hi Charlie, I would like to help out with the first and second paragraph enhancement of your essay. ...
Undergraduategello - Nov 30, 2015 / justivy03 - Dec 8, 2015
|Share your interest - Common App Essay - My love of foreign languages
3 - Polina, after reading your essay, I would like to comment first on the way it is written. I suggest...
UndergraduateLinaRus - Dec 2, 2015 / justivy03 - Dec 8, 2015
|University of Virginia Supplement Essay on Quirks: motionless moment
Undergraduateblackstar7 - Dec 8, 2015 / justivy03 - Dec 8, 2015
|Overcoming personal difficulties; event that transformed me to adulthood
Undergraduateferdquayson - Dec 7, 2015 / ferdquayson - Dec 8, 2015
|Falling head over heel for science. Why have I chosen chemical engineering as a career option?
2 - Aliam as this is a draft, I understand that you didn't capitalize the letters of the words that needs...
Undergraduatejpulkita8 - Dec 8, 2015 / justivy03 - Dec 8, 2015
|Motivation letter for bsc Economics. Can someone check it if its good or not?
10 - Gzsofi, I don't worry about you as much because I know that a little practice and you will be...
Undergraduategzsofi - Nov 29, 2015 / justivy03 - Dec 7, 2015
|a 'renaissance woman' - QUALITIES ABOUT MYSELF
UndergraduateiSasha - Dec 7, 2015 / justivy03 - Dec 7, 2015
|Reasons on applying and attending Swarthmore - both entail the exciting concept of social science.
4 - Thank you aikoashiya for your feedback it was really helpful!! Thank you for your honestly as well Thank...
UndergraduateFranky17 - Dec 6, 2015 / Franky17 - Dec 7, 2015
|Write a brief statement outlining your personal and academic goals
5 - I think your revised essay is a lot better than your first essay, but you should think about changing...
UndergraduateFriction - Dec 1, 2015 / aikoashiya - Dec 7, 2015
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