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|"Team Wales has won this debate" Common Application essay about prompt number 2 - Failure
3 - El, your discussion needs to come from a more personal level. Don't waste the space by discussing a blow...
Undergraduateamounenaitlho - Dec 23, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2015
|"Daddy, can we together build an airplane in the shape of a teddy bear?" - WashU Engineering essay
2 - Chen, I would suggest that you cut down on the backgrounder for your story. The part about the airplane...
Undergraduateaudimadeline - Dec 25, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2015
|Brandeis Supplement Essay for what is your dream 250 words or fewer
Undergraduateamounenaitlho - Dec 25, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2015
|Flagler Admissions Essay, The topic is to write about a single event or theme that describes
2 - Kimberly, I applaud you for your statement. This is a topic that I believe will touch the heartstrings of...
Undergraduatekbreede - Dec 25, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2015
|Applying to the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences as a first year applicant - why Duke
Undergraduatejiwan1 - Dec 24, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2015
|Our plan to eliminate the stigma of mental illness - Princeton Supplement Essay
3 - Steven, if you revise the essay to instead concentrate on a personal extra curricular activity instead of a group...
Undergraduatestevenkaufmann - Dec 23, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2015
|"Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done"
5 - Thank you very much @vangiespen I thought long and gard about this topic and I changed. You are absolutely...
Undergraduateamounenaitlho - Dec 23, 2015 / amounenaitlho - Dec 26, 2015
|My sister recommended this school with a great passion; admissions essay - WHY NYUAD?
3 - Ansah, the information that you included in this essay is really information that does not offer a true personal...
UndergraduateGJ_A - Dec 23, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2015
|My trip to Nepal - Disciplinary Supplement
2 - Kris, while I understand that these events may have occurred during the recent past, it is always important to...
Undergraduatebosskv - Dec 22, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2015
|College application! Reflecting on personal goals...
3 - Joelle, you have successfully represented the reasons that UNC will be able to help you develop as a person...
Undergraduatejoxxelle - Dec 21, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2015
|Parsons Essay challenge .. title is Weirdo
3 - Pidza, I know and undersatand that you titled your piece of writing "Wierdo", the question I have for you...
UndergraduatePizdaaumaa - Dec 21, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2015
|"I've lost 8 of my loved ones" - Stanford essays: what matters and why? Letter to Roommate.
2 - Both are really good essay but could be alittle tweaked. First of all I think that you dont fully...
Undergraduatemanpreet12 - Dec 25, 2015 / amounenaitlho - Dec 25, 2015
|Back to Square one my Personal Essay for the Common App (background, identity, interest)
UndergraduateMaxM - Dec 24, 2015 / Ssakshijain - Dec 25, 2015
|I will never regard difficulties as defeats again but as opportunities to enlarge my achievements.
Undergraduatedreamhigh - Dec 24, 2015 / dreamhigh - Dec 24, 2015
|Cornell Architecture essay: How my interests combine
3 - thank you so much! My common app essay is all about figure drawing. I don't think i have room...
Undergraduatearchii - Dec 23, 2015 / archii - Dec 24, 2015
|Ever since I began high school as a short, geeky freshman, I could not wait for college WHY SYRACUSE
5 - Thank you everyone. I actually fixed the essay up a bit, if you guys could comment suggestions about this,...
Undergraduatecollegebound200 - Dec 22, 2015 / collegebound200 - Dec 23, 2015
|I need help to nail my common app essay about my background for Hamilton College
2 - Dating back to 2008, Zimbabwe faced one of the worst economic depressions. Mother is a teacher at a local...
UndergraduateSCHAKOMA - Dec 23, 2015 / archii - Dec 23, 2015
|'spirit of education' - Syracuse University Questions: Hasn't been seen by anyone!
Undergraduatearchii - Dec 23, 2015 / collegebound200 - Dec 23, 2015
|This is my essay for Princeton not quite done but i need some help because i really want to go here!
2 - hi tiana, this is an interesting essay. allow me to give some suggestion here. Better if you use gerund...
UndergraduateTianaM16 - Dec 23, 2015 / Ejepe - Dec 23, 2015
|Title: FOG----Parsons Challenge Essay :)
2 - Over the last 2 years there have been periods when I have feltI feel lost in my twisted mind,...
UndergraduatePizdaaumaa00 - Dec 23, 2015 / LPSZEZSNE - Dec 23, 2015
|"Bouncing Back is What Counts!" Help with CommonApp Essay Q#2 on a failure. Is this unique enough?
4 - hey I am also witing the common app essay number two and it would appreciate some help with it....
UndergraduateKatieJoy - Dec 23, 2015 / amounenaitlho - Dec 23, 2015
|What have you done to serve others around you? Global Undergraduate Exchange Program
Undergraduatevietdung - Dec 23, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 23, 2015
|"The failure that taught me a lot" - my fall became a stepping-stone rather than a setback
3 - Thanks a lot!! I don't know how to express my gratitude. I am not good at writing in English,...
UndergraduateCarl - Dec 21, 2015 / Carl - Dec 23, 2015
|Common App Essay (PROMPT #1: Your Application would be incomplete without this X thing)
3 - I felt like that wasn't necessary because my application should show my extensive success @ debate (Nationally ranked; champion...
Undergraduatejai127 - Dec 22, 2015 / jai127 - Dec 22, 2015
|UVA supplements - Quirks and Literature that has unsetteled you
2 - i'm a thief. I pick my victims carefully. I've been a thief since second grade. Although spelling baffled me,...
UndergraduateChels4afu - Dec 21, 2015 / TampaTutorEric - Dec 22, 2015
|I wake up to the sound of an angry Korean mother -- Rice Perspective Essay
2 - You go into detail about your experiences, but you don't show enough of how its changed you and what...
Undergraduatejmc33 - Dec 21, 2015 / Chels4afu - Dec 22, 2015
|University of Chicago Undergraduate Application- Extended Essay and first supplemental.
2 - Some may believe that obtaining the solution to this question is impossible, and that anyone endeavoring to do so...
UndergraduateDaanish375 - Dec 22, 2015 / Chels4afu - Dec 22, 2015
|Parents mistake - I rely on myself to get what I want to achieve. Personal statement
Undergraduatekatiedirt4 - Nov 28, 2015 / katiedirt4 - Dec 22, 2015
|"Challenging" would be the first word that I would use to describe Boston. Why BU is a good fit.
2 - it lacks a lot of specifics, which colleges like to see in these type of "why this college?" essays....
Undergraduatejenjen33 - Dec 21, 2015 / ckko817 - Dec 21, 2015
|"I dont want to do anything in my life but draw" SCAD statement of purpose.
5 - If you don't want to do anything in your life but draw, maybe that means you think of EVERYTHING...
Undergraduatekokoruu - Dec 19, 2015 / EF_Kevin - Dec 21, 2015
|Mysterious Future Goals: Sentence structures and grammars are my prior enemy.
3 - Denise, the first problem with your essays is that you did not separate the topics by prompt so that...
UndergraduateDeniseHooi - Dec 20, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 21, 2015
|Describe the influence your hero has had on your life.
3 - Hello! I would like to give some suggestions ! He is a hardworking team player has helped the...
Undergraduateroshan1 - Dec 20, 2015 / Samuelsam123 - Dec 21, 2015
|How I met Harry Potter. Common Application for 2016 fall
3 - Hailie, when you talk about a background story, it always has to be a character building story or something...
Undergraduatehailie98 - Dec 20, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 20, 2015
|I've always considered myself a "math guy". One page on why do I want to go to Carnagie Mellon
5 - Michael, you should definitely remove the first two paragraphs and replace them. However, you should only replace it with...
Undergraduatemrrocks57 - Dec 18, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 20, 2015
|Leadership, service and progress - The motto of Georgia Tech.
Undergraduatelramad2 - Dec 18, 2015 / lramad2 - Dec 20, 2015
|A problem you solved or a problem you would like to solve
3 - @justivy03 Thank you so much for the feedback. This really means a lot. I can now finally submit my...
UndergraduateAbidalii - Dec 20, 2015 / Abidalii - Dec 20, 2015
|I don't know what to study but won't worry - Boston Uni. can offer me some interdisciplinary courses
4 - vangiespen, really thaaaank u very much. I will read your comment carefully and try to make it even better....
UndergraduateZzzH - Dec 18, 2015 / ZzzH - Dec 20, 2015
|Explain why you are interested in the first-choice major-Mathematics?
5 - Thanks @vangiespen for your kind suggestion. I feel first 3 sentences are jumbled up breaking the flow of the...
Undergraduatenepal2 - Dec 5, 2015 / nepal2 - Dec 20, 2015
|Raising a startup- extracurricular I am most proud of- Columbia University (150 words)
2 - Raphael, while I understand that you had partners who helped you develop the code for the transport app that...
Undergraduateraphnano - Dec 20, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 20, 2015
|Virtual reality and video games - Duke Pratt engineering essay
13 - Thank you! It does flow better than my previous draft. I appreciate you taking the time to help me....
UndergraduateMahir2332 - Dec 16, 2015 / Mahir2332 - Dec 20, 2015
|'The 100 book competition in kindergarten' - College Essay for Milwaukee and Parkside
3 - Christian, without changing the topic for the 100 book competition that you enjoyed when you were in Kindergarten, which...
UndergraduateTurnken - Dec 19, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 19, 2015
|To be a patient and a volunteer alternately - Johns Hopkins Supplemental 'interests' essay
3 - thank you for the criticism . I wrote the essay mostly regarding the social aspects because I wrote my...
Undergraduateckko817 - Dec 19, 2015 / ckko817 - Dec 19, 2015
|Main essay: International student reflecting on a time when challenged a belief or idea
2 - Xu, your observation and participation in the override vote is admirable. However, that is not the point of the...
UndergraduateMj Xu - Dec 19, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 19, 2015
|A semicircle sun in Mongolia and fashion - confronting an idea or belief essay
2 - Anar, this is an unusual response to the prompt. If handled properly, it should turn into a unique response...
UndergraduateAnar0000 - Dec 19, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 19, 2015
|"Organized chaos" - Stanford mini essay 250 words: Future roommate
3 - Hi Joe :-) Your letter makes me believe that your life with your roommate can be the subject of...
Undergraduatejosekada - Dec 18, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 18, 2015
|Writing and Reading - How They Have Shaped Who I Am
6 - The story is somewhat catchy, however, it fails to have a concrete plot. The idea and theme is good,...
UndergraduateJeffreyGuy - Dec 17, 2015 / Milaskha99 - Dec 18, 2015
|Love for mathematics and rational thinking and my newly developed interest in philosophy - Stanford
4 - By my junior year, I had covered advanced mathematical topics including linear algebra and combinatorics, but I felt that...
Undergraduatesjgandhi1998 - Dec 17, 2015 / sjgandhi1998 - Dec 18, 2015
|Tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission
5 - Since the CGS program allows you to pursue various subjects in relation to your possible major, let's call it...
Undergraduatenikkix3 - Dec 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 18, 2015
|Biochem and Bio-med Engineering- Why Michigan?
2 - Anting, the first part of your essay that deals with your interactive experience with science at the age of...
Undergraduatea06 - Dec 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 17, 2015
|Creating opportunities: Personal Essay for Common App (a background, identity, interest, or talent)
2 - Ann, try to focus your essay on the topic that matters the most. In this case, it isn't about...
Undergraduateoip - Dec 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 17, 2015
|I don't believe in Formulas-Personal Statement-Common Application
NEW - Please be free to leave comments, it would be really helpful. :) Big eyes with double eyelids and...
UndergraduateMaryZhang - Dec 17, 2015 / — -
|Personal Statement: Why I didn't choose to drop out.
4 - Xu, your essay doesn't really help your application because it is confusing, boring, and at this point, directionless. The...
UndergraduateCocoXu - Dec 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 17, 2015
|Craving for Computer Science - Georgia Tech Essay
11 - Logesh, your edited, tightened, and final format essay: About two years ago, I came to know what computer...
Undergraduatelramad2 - Dec 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 17, 2015
|"My Youtube Community Channel" - University of Michigan Supplement essay #1
7 - Louisa, I used your suggestion as a basis for my revision. I liked how you made my essay more...
UndergraduatewolfieD - Dec 14, 2015 / wolfieD - Dec 16, 2015
|Not only chemistry, but I'm also passionate in many other fields. My UBC Admissions Personal Profile
3 - Thank you @mayjiang for the first paragraph, the reason I have that top sentence is beaause I'm applying...
UndergraduateHERESYU - Dec 16, 2015 / HERESYU - Dec 16, 2015
|"Onni Annyeong!" Participating in Model United Nations and being a Korean teacher in Thailand
9 - Hi Minjung, here is a 441 word version of your essay. It more than covers all the necessary information...
Undergraduatemj12 - Dec 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 16, 2015
|An essay regarding admissions at Caltech for undergraduates
3 - Tendor, in order to complete your story, don't just tell us the result of your actions and choices. In...
UndergraduateTendor86 - Dec 16, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 16, 2015
|'being a violinist' - Personal Statement about my experience in orchestra
Undergraduateadsxgh - Dec 16, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 16, 2015
|"Manufacturing is more than just putting parts together..." SOP Engineering for undergraduate
2 - Abhay, we can probably make this a generic essay once you learn what the true purpose of your interest...
Undergraduateabhay_khattar - Dec 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 16, 2015
|I want to play quidditch at UChicago
2 - Jeremy, although I know that there are actually some clubs that play a modified game of Quidditch on campus...
Undergraduateskidude23 - Dec 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Dec 15, 2015
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