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|"ethical dilemma that challenged you"; I stuck up with my beliefs and values
5 - I like your content but, I feel that you are emphasizing too much on stating that you are honest,...
UndergraduateFwapi - Dec 25, 2009 / mrgzg1 - Dec 28, 2009
|"Grace, what do you want to be?" BROWN Essay: PLME essay (no word count limit)
8 - I think that the quote is good, but it could really be shortened. Maybe try using something that your...
Undergraduatejoosunggrace - Dec 27, 2009 / LewisClark13 - Dec 28, 2009
|"Cherry on Top" - why brown? - Brown Supplement
8 - "is differentiated from other stores"?????? kind of sounds awkward.. but otherwise, it sounds great! Great comparison by...
Undergraduateshinhwab - Dec 24, 2009 / joosunggrace - Dec 28, 2009
|Brown "advice" essay - Pickle Time
4 - it's about what the pickle symbolizes it's redundant to say this.. Take this part out.. And I...
Undergraduategumdrop41 - Dec 28, 2009 / joosunggrace - Dec 28, 2009
|"every man is a piece of the continent" - Trinity supplement essay
2 - I think that this sentence weakens the piece. A better opening sentence here would be to jump directly...
UndergraduateSSYQ - Dec 26, 2009 / LewisClark13 - Dec 28, 2009
|'the importance of education' - STANFORD- intellectually engaging experience.
Undergraduatemichellem58867 - Dec 27, 2009 / Mayada - Dec 28, 2009
|Barnard: Journaling, War, The Little Prince, and Why Barnard?
UndergraduateSkittleRose - Dec 27, 2009 / aikd80cn - Dec 28, 2009
|Aviary Pagoda, Yuen Long Park, Hong Kong. Common App revisions - "Broadening Horizons"
13 - Hey yatindrahp, I elaborated more on the last sentence, and changed it to: The experience I gained was invaluable...
Undergraduateluminousx - Dec 26, 2009 / luminousx - Dec 28, 2009
|to become a cardiac surgeon - Wellesley College
Undergraduateace - Dec 28, 2009 / aikd80cn - Dec 28, 2009
|Princeton Supplement - answer to quote on extraordinary things in everyday life
5 - I like the essay! I'm just curious though, I am also doing an essay for the Princeton's supplement and...
Undergraduateswuvvy - Dec 23, 2009 / TruNinjaPro - Dec 28, 2009
|Common App Essay - McDonald's
5 - You could say even my granmother who has never walked into a McDonald's, knows about it. I think its...
Undergraduategdsmp - Dec 23, 2009 / ace - Dec 28, 2009
|University of Pennsylvania; 'its commitment to social development, M&T Program'
Undergraduatetransever - Dec 27, 2009 / qianmeimei - Dec 28, 2009
|Home - there is always my heart - and it is everywhere. Common App Essay
7 - I think you should seperate this sentence. There was nothing alluring in the orange-gray field. Not even the...
UndergraduateSkittleRose - Dec 26, 2009 / Rowa - Dec 28, 2009
|"My interest lies in science" - MIT World I come from
3 - This one describes my world more. The daily hours of imprisonment were over. Discarding my backpack at home,...
Undergraduatewhitepolarbear - Dec 26, 2009 / whitepolarbear - Dec 28, 2009
|Why Yale - short ans (passion in cultural studies)
8 - its great you mentioned what you intend to do with Yale resources! besides that it is vague any college...
Undergraduateswuvvy - Dec 24, 2009 / ace - Dec 28, 2009
|mathematics, Wellesley-Describe your intellectual interests....
5 - Read the prompt again. What are your interests? How have they taken shape? Why are they your interests (i.e....
Undergraduateace - Dec 23, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Dec 28, 2009
|"attraction towards Mathematics" - MIT admission essay
13 - It is excellent! It does show all the passion you have for mathematics. I am also applying for MIT,...
Undergraduatemjellma - Dec 26, 2009 / molecule - Dec 28, 2009
|[Rice] What will I bring to diversity? [I need some guide!]
6 - Well friend, The things you have mentioned are really good but you really need to show how you...
Undergraduatejoonghoon5 - Dec 26, 2009 / molecule - Dec 28, 2009
|U of Illinois transfer application essay: Academic interests
6 - lol thanks for that. put a smile on my face that you actually felt compassion for me. I'll look...
Undergraduatefightingillini - Dec 27, 2009 / fightingillini - Dec 28, 2009
|Parasailing accident- commonapp essay
3 - Thanks a lot for the review. I was having trouble deciding which esssay to use for the commonapp but...
Undergraduatel3goals12 - Dec 23, 2009 / l3goals12 - Dec 28, 2009
|UIUC: Extracurricular activity (Designing Costume)
Undergraduateyoungkim9193 - Dec 23, 2009 / fightingillini - Dec 28, 2009
|Poverty and lack of education in Kosovo - personal, local, international concern
4 - Kosovo, a tiny dot in any geographical map, is the country I come from. As the newest country in...
Undergraduatemjellma - Dec 27, 2009 / luminousx - Dec 27, 2009
|"Short Answers + Best Advice" - Brown Supplement
2 - I actually really like it. I think that it sounded really great.. but it did sound a little cliche...
UndergraduateiRunShow - Dec 26, 2009 / joosunggrace - Dec 27, 2009
|Why Brown Essay (no personal connections with Brown)
6 - Revisions: Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a...
Undergraduatetimeturner36 - Dec 20, 2009 / timeturner36 - Dec 27, 2009
|nyu supplement - gatsby and summer
Undergraduateowls - Dec 27, 2009 / owls - Dec 27, 2009
|Brain first and Heart second; Common App- topic of choice
6 - Don't use the USA This I Believe prompt for your essay. I remember someone saying to avoid "This I...
Undergraduatetchonis05 - Dec 23, 2009 / Masterus - Dec 27, 2009
|Northwestern essay: unique qualities of Northwestern....
Undergraduatesckergrl101 - Dec 27, 2009 / Tictac8 - Dec 27, 2009
|Common App Activity Essay-----FBLA; 'The ten of us intently traded glances'
5 - that compels me to participate in my school's Future Business Leaders of America your paragraph is well written. i...
Undergraduatertgrove123 - Dec 27, 2009 / demuredelight - Dec 27, 2009
|page 217 - man on the plane
8 - oh, that part is actually 100% true. my grandmother tells me that story like, once a week. i'm not...
Undergraduateowls - Dec 27, 2009 / owls - Dec 27, 2009
|"born in China 16 years ago" - MIT world you come from essay
3 - In the face of change and turmoil, familiarity beckons like the grain-o-plenty during famine. (Right here, explain what you...
Undergraduatelakerkobe - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|"Learning to balance one's social and academic life", personal essay, common app
4 - This does not mean anything to the reader, because it only tells that you believe you are strong...
Undergraduatecherubk - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|Infinities of Chess - U of I at Urbana Champain Essay
Undergraduateqomoco - Dec 24, 2009 / demuredelight - Dec 27, 2009
|"art has become a passion of mine" - CommonAPP main essay suggestions?
3 - Yes! The influence reaches far past what you can remember. I think you can write beautifully about the...
Undergraduatepiefacexd - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|"Freshman year at high school" - Common application essay
3 - My grades were perfect, I was playing sports, and the experience seemed like an ideal first year. ----> just...
Undergraduatemusashqa - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|COMMON APP ESSAY FOR DARTMOUTH, UPENN, NORTHWESTERN AND OTHER SCHOOLS
Undergraduatesrandhawa - Dec 22, 2009 / srandhawa - Dec 27, 2009
|the most significant challenge the world faces today, Stanford short answers
6 - well i think both of them are really good answers for word choice- just a suggestion for fluency. ...
Undergraduatem126531 - Dec 27, 2009 / tchonis05 - Dec 27, 2009
|Cornell Engineering Essay--My City
Undergraduatepolitik - Dec 18, 2009 / colorfuloving - Dec 27, 2009
|Grandfather's Influence - Princeton Supplement
5 - I think this a really good essay. The wording and fluency is pretty good. I did think the start...
Undergraduateeskape - Dec 27, 2009 / tchonis05 - Dec 27, 2009
|"a written test on soccer" - Harvey Mudd College; Supplement essay
Undergraduateshinhwab - Dec 24, 2009 / mstickel - Dec 27, 2009
|Common App. Essay (Lab research experience and its impact on me)
2 - 1) I think this can be catagorized under the significant experience, &c topic. 2) My Thoughts (which can be...
Undergraduatewanderlust - Dec 25, 2009 / birthdayattackr - Dec 27, 2009
|whatever you feel we need to know to understand you as a "whole person"
2 - I feel this tells more than it shows. An admissions officer could have read about the content of the...
Undergraduatedavidlin1992 - Dec 27, 2009 / luminousx - Dec 27, 2009
|"I presented to the Judges about the case" - MIT CREAVITY QUESTION
Undergraduatenaruto - Dec 26, 2009 / naruto - Dec 27, 2009
|"Generous toward international students" - Swarthmore essay - Why Swarthmore?
UndergraduateCermi - Dec 27, 2009 / Cermi - Dec 27, 2009
|Ithaca Answer FOR WHY I'VE CHOSEN BIOLOGY MAJOR
NEW - Here is the question: Please note briefly the reason(s) you selected the academic program to which you seek admission....
UndergraduateJd87rh - Dec 27, 2009 / — -
|NYU supplements- essay about why i chose academic program & NYU
8 - alrighty, thanks a lot to all of you, and i do appreciate the critique! it is mostly the character...
UndergraduateEmmerz - Dec 26, 2009 / Emmerz - Dec 27, 2009
|Cornell - The environment blurs into a sight of indistinguishable colors and shapes
10 - i'm sorry if i can across as harsh, you have some serious skills as a writer, you really do,...
Undergraduatetkkt1 - Dec 26, 2009 / srandhawa - Dec 27, 2009
|"education is useless because it dulls our personalities." required supplement
15 - I think that the essay is much better than before. Its more focused than before. Could it be better...
Undergraduatez4evafoolz - Dec 26, 2009 / Dbarrows1 - Dec 27, 2009
|Macaulay Honors Essay-Discuss some issue of national, or international concern
5 - Try to find a substitute for the word hate because you are using it continuously on the 4th paragraph....
Undergraduatealphacat92 - Dec 8, 2009 / mjellma - Dec 27, 2009
|"wanted to study abroad" + "mascot" - Grinnell essays
8 - That's a nice touch, I'll think about it, but I'm afraid that 90% of the applicants mentions that Grinnell...
UndergraduateCermi - Dec 24, 2009 / Cermi - Dec 27, 2009
|I discovered my love of politics; What led you to select your history : NYU
3 - It is not good to write all in one long paragraph. Try to write paragraphs that consist of about...
UndergraduateWrestlingnba - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|Common Application: My sister
4 - Interesting introduction. Try to keep the same flow in the next paragraphs. To do that, describe more vividly, use...
Undergraduatedanielhe - Dec 26, 2009 / poisonivy - Dec 27, 2009
|Columbia Engineering short answers
5 - Nice both of them. Regarding to the first, why not be a little more specific about which community service...
Undergraduatem126531 - Dec 26, 2009 / poisonivy - Dec 27, 2009
|Eccentric, influential person essay or electricity-generating bike essay?
14 - No, I actually meant the first one, because it starts with excellent narration. vault, spring off. Vault, spring off....
Undergraduatekeilinger - Dec 10, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|Common App Essay. What I bring to the College "mix."
3 - Reduce the number of adverbs, but don't take out the meaningful ones, like "ironically." Looking back now, I seem...
UndergraduateDevataa - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|mica - artwork changing perception
Undergraduateowls - Dec 27, 2009 / SkittleRose - Dec 27, 2009
|My Mother's Words--CommonApp Essay
5 - She said that the letter was something that she wrote to us in case something ever happened to her,...
UndergraduateMarHall - Dec 21, 2009 / mjellma - Dec 27, 2009
|How you first learned about Grinnell College? - Grinnell supplement
5 - One more thing... this part is weak: it was not until my friend Radka entered the Class of 2013,...
Undergraduatehaggahagga - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|UPenn Supplementary Essay: Benjamin Franklin and Contribution to the Community
4 - Yes, with online forms you often cannot indent. Instead we do line breaks. That's why, in a formal...
Undergraduatemargerine - Dec 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|Conncoll supplement - tell us something about you
2 - I consider exploring mysteries as my intellectual hobby. When I face a mystery, I treat it as a...
Undergraduatehbrad8002 - Dec 27, 2009 / SkittleRose - Dec 27, 2009
|'different cultural background' - Equity and community-Lehigh supplement
5 - I'm writing my Lehigh essay too, isn't this too long to be submitted? You only have 1000 characters....
Undergraduatebhan_msm - Dec 20, 2009 / monzzzz92 - Dec 27, 2009
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