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|"Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone."
4 - thanks:)...
Undergraduateld6724 - Dec 15, 2009 / ld6724 - Dec 29, 2009
|Common Application Essay- Costume
3 - This should be a comma rather than a semi-colon: The wind blows toward him while he stands there like...
UndergraduateMasterus - Dec 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 29, 2009
|Why CMU: My interest in Neurology
4 - At Carnegie Mellon University, I would like to pursue a major in Biological Sciences with focus on neurosciences.The human...
Undergraduatepprajoth - Dec 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 29, 2009
|Can you write a good essay without using a personal anecdote?
4 - Talk about the book! Even if it's a small portion of your essay, if it was what initially got...
Undergraduatekeilinger - Dec 28, 2009 / snorlaxative - Dec 29, 2009
|Williams Essay: My First Run-In with the Police
4 - Thank you both so much for your comments! @Lewis: I'll definitely comment on your essay once I crank...
Undergraduatedramacratic - Dec 28, 2009 / dramacratic - Dec 29, 2009
|Sleep: intellectual vitality + Dial: future roommate - Stanford Short Essays
4 - 1. I can see where you're going with on this answer, but it's a rather far stretch relating it...
Undergraduatetallmoose - Dec 28, 2009 / paranormale - Dec 29, 2009
|UChicago "In The Spirit of Adventure" Essay (fun, as UChicago essays often are)
Undergraduateyaznunez - Dec 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 29, 2009
|When things didn´t go according to plan. MIT essay.
Undergraduatehern255 - Dec 28, 2009 / Frydafly - Dec 29, 2009
|Amherst-'Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat....
2 - I am a sports fanatic, although I do not play for any club besides school teams. Regardless, I still...
Undergraduateace - Dec 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 29, 2009
|My friend - the person I'm close to the most
Undergraduatedoremi - Dec 28, 2009 / erinhcho - Dec 29, 2009
|Common App Essay - London Business Trip
2 - Despite the many people who did not believe I could succeed... Okay, I think you should cut out...
Undergraduateraluca - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 29, 2009
|The child survival - my application essay.
UndergraduateThuytrang91 - Dec 27, 2009 / sujujun - Dec 28, 2009
|Arts and Sciences, Cornell Supplement - CAS Prompt
6 - Thank you guys for giving feedback. I edited the one I posted here the second time, changing it A...
Undergraduatejyu104 - Dec 28, 2009 / jyu104 - Dec 28, 2009
|Cornell College of Engineering Essay
2 - I think your whole first paragraph is too general and it should be cut. I really like your paragraph...
Undergraduatealphacat92 - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 28, 2009
|ambitious, challenging and adaptable, why BU? and three words describe myself
2 - First off, some corrections on the second one. I have to say, there are a lot of mistakes... ...
Undergraduatethhel - Dec 28, 2009 / tallmoose - Dec 28, 2009
|Community essay. School of Engineering and Applied Science . UPENN
Undergraduatemarigandi - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 28, 2009
|Main Common App Essay-----Taking stuff apart
Undergraduatertgrove123 - Dec 28, 2009 / vincentcanlas - Dec 28, 2009
|'a class of three thousand' - what makes stanford a good place for you!
2 - In this essay, the first paragraph seems to end just before it finishes asserting a strong thesis statement. What...
Undergraduateschmevie - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 28, 2009
|United States Air Force Academy Writing Samples - Interest/Challenge/Dillema
2 - A colon is better here: ...fields, namely: pilot, navigator... There honestly is no particular field which calls me;...
UndergraduateInfiniteswg - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 28, 2009
|Help with my Pratt personal statement. (Graphic design)
UndergraduateShelbieSam - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Susan - Dec 28, 2009
|Upenn- Page 217 Middle-aged teenager
5 - its a solid story, your a solid story teller, heres the problem, what are adcoms suppose to get out...
Undergraduatetkkt1 - Dec 28, 2009 / srandhawa - Dec 28, 2009
|"Work of roller coaster" - Supplement essay for UVA
2 - In order to really make your essay stand out, focus less on the physics of the roller coaster and...
Undergraduateerinhcho - Dec 28, 2009 / emorris - Dec 28, 2009
|Carleton short answers - literature teacher, biology, books.
5 - You're answers are definitely on the right track. The one about a favorite teacher you list a lot...
Undergraduatepoisonivy - Dec 28, 2009 / ohellothere - Dec 28, 2009
|Univesity of Washington personal statement - critque requested.
3 - Do not forget that contractions (such as "aren't" and "didn't") in your first few sentences are not usually appropriate...
Undergraduatepiperchris - Dec 14, 2009 / ohellothere - Dec 28, 2009
|Can I start my essay creatively (like this) for Brown?
5 - thank you so much to all three of you! i just wanted to make sure the admissions people would...
Undergraduatebkim7027 - Dec 28, 2009 / hlk5065 - Dec 28, 2009
|"never met my grandfather" - Stanford Short Response- intellectual vitality
13 - Wondeful essay, I think Stanford will be impressed. I like how you brought emotions in. Your edited version is...
Undergraduatejustbee - Dec 28, 2009 / Foreigner - Dec 28, 2009
|Harvard Supplemental Essay - Arabic
4 - You mentioned that you were worried that this essay was "a chore to read". A large part of that,...
Undergraduatejyu104 - Dec 28, 2009 / vanitashaz - Dec 28, 2009
|How am I different from the World?? I am not a genius who receives national merit. Notre Dame
5 - Thank you!!!...
Undergraduatechanchu1352 - Dec 28, 2009 / chanchu1352 - Dec 28, 2009
|"responsibilities and opportunities" - Why Brown?
UndergraduateGummiebaer - Dec 28, 2009 / Gummiebaer - Dec 28, 2009
|Tufts - Self-expression
5 - Hi, Changan! Thank you so much for reading...I'm currently fixing up my supplement and I'll definitely keep your suggestions...
Undergraduateapplesandtea - Dec 28, 2009 / applesandtea - Dec 28, 2009
|"I posses innovation, drive, and dedication" - Why Swarthmore?
2 - I think the second paragraph has to be better organized...for some reason, I feel like it jumps from one...
Undergraduatekenziii - Dec 28, 2009 / applesandtea - Dec 28, 2009
|Bown University Supplement: What don't you know?
NEW - Prompt: C.French novelist Anatole France wrote: "An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how...
UndergraduateKaiki - Dec 28, 2009 / — -
|"real, tangible, and alive - Science!" Cornell Arts and Sciences interests essay
7 - Cute hook! I like you're essay, but you could always go add more nuance and really illustrate the beauty...
Undergraduaterjctcollege1 - Dec 26, 2009 / twizzlestraw - Dec 28, 2009
|"To be different from the world" - notre dame essay
10 - Im sorry. I don't want to sound annoying or anything, but if someone could please look at my essay,...
Undergraduaterjctcollege1 - Dec 21, 2009 / rjctcollege1 - Dec 28, 2009
|My mother, my first teacher - the person who i admire
2 - ... shows me the right way, always supports me greatly, celebrates my birthday and does many... Perhaps, the...
Undergraduatetrudzu - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Susan - Dec 28, 2009
|Brown- academic fields/anticipated degree essay (1000 characters)
2 - At the beginning I almost felt you wanted to join the army. I would recommend an example that does...
Undergraduatejoosunggrace - Dec 28, 2009 / kenziii - Dec 28, 2009
|Common App Essay: "Franny and Zooey"
5 - WOW! I thoroughly enjoyed this essay! This is the type of essay that interests me. You took something that...
Undergraduatewhitepolarbear - Dec 27, 2009 / CobraRose - Dec 28, 2009
|Essay for Princeton, Williams, Swarthmore, Bowdoin, and Kenyon-(Personal Essay)
2 - "Daily sketches, paintings, and journal entries." You should make this into an independent clause, and tie the two...
Undergraduatepmurray62 - Dec 26, 2009 / Jeannie - Dec 28, 2009
|I have been raised very traditionally; Tufts: Let your life Speak essay
Undergraduateepirote901 - Dec 28, 2009 / snorlaxative - Dec 28, 2009
|Stanford- Intellectually Engaging- Dogs brain
Undergraduatetchonis05 - Dec 27, 2009 / medelman2010 - Dec 28, 2009
|"my hurdle coach" - Brown- What is the best piece of advice you've ever and why?
NEW - Thanks for taking the time to view my essay. Feel free to make suggestions and comments, I really need...
UndergraduateBinkers91 - Dec 28, 2009 / — -
|University of Chicago Essay - A dream about lakes, bridges, and The Box
3 - ahh, thank you very much! you gave me a lot of valid points (and fixed my grammatical errors, yayy)...
Undergraduatecolorfuloving - Dec 27, 2009 / colorfuloving - Dec 28, 2009
|Williams Supplement- what it means to never give up
2 - I see nothing wrong with this essays and im sure colleges will love it the only thing is with...
UndergraduateHBZ - Dec 28, 2009 / daft123 - Dec 28, 2009
|'I didn't get sick' - NYU Supplements- my summer vacation was...
8 - I think you add more description to make it sound more interesting and use language a bit more creatively...
UndergraduateEmmerz - Dec 27, 2009 / lekha - Dec 28, 2009
|Cornell CAS - The Fantastic Theatrical Five-Year-Old
9 - Thanks for the tips, guys! :) I'll definitely expand on the evolution thing, and work on refining the other...
UndergraduateIvy_Equestrian - Dec 25, 2009 / Ivy_Equestrian - Dec 28, 2009
|Cornell Human Ecology--Biochemistry + Small Town
Undergraduatesadhvi010 - Dec 25, 2009 / EF_Susan - Dec 28, 2009
|Rice Supplement- Why School of Humanities?
5 - Make the paper more about you! I mean talk about what specifics about Rice YOU LIKE. I am applying...
Undergraduatemekksalam33 - Dec 28, 2009 / rtgrove123 - Dec 28, 2009
|Bu essay. 3 words that describe you! comments are welcome!
4 - Yes, it is a bit long... Shorten the descriptions of the events you talk about, maybe you could do...
Undergraduatemjellma - Dec 28, 2009 / poisonivy - Dec 28, 2009
|" My African Safari Adventure" - COMMON APP. ABOUT ME ESSAY
Undergraduateindianajones015 - Dec 25, 2009 / Oceanus27 - Dec 28, 2009
|JHU Supplement Essay (50 majors across the Art and Sciences schools)
8 - (In a real world setting of course.) - I don't know how useful this is, considering that the ones...
Undergraduateparanormale - Dec 25, 2009 / poisonivy - Dec 28, 2009
|'preparing for IIT's entrance exam for a long time' -MIT additional information essay
2 - What is the prompt? Try to make it as personal as possible. Maybe a little more about how you...
Undergraduatemrgzg1 - Dec 28, 2009 / Frydafly - Dec 28, 2009
|"let your life speak" TUFTS supplement= "SPIRIT OF 'BAYANIHAN' "
4 - I took another look at it and rearranged your wording: As a prospective International Relations major, I wish...
Undergraduatemeliza8809 - Dec 28, 2009 / sbdaiquiri - Dec 28, 2009
|Upenn Optional essay: My Goal in Life
Undergraduatezain12qa - Dec 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 28, 2009
|Stanford Intellectual Vitality Supplement Essay-String Theory
5 - Ahh the famous Brian Greene! I'm applying to Columbia :) The essay is flawless. Just one thing, if I...
Undergraduatesonrisa247 - Dec 27, 2009 / poisonivy - Dec 28, 2009
|A book that has affected you and how - Occidental Supplement
Undergraduatecucciola21 - Dec 28, 2009 / CobraRose - Dec 28, 2009
|Brown Short Answer (Anticipated Degree and Academic Interest)
Undergraduateessayhelp - Dec 28, 2009 / srandhawa - Dec 28, 2009
|SLU: Most Influential person- The Fabled Mrs. Bilinski
Undergraduatemstickel - Dec 27, 2009 / mstickel - Dec 28, 2009
|My home, The Meaning of Culture
Undergraduatespacerelay - Dec 28, 2009 / spacerelay - Dec 28, 2009
|UChicago - (Extended Essay) Outgrowing Being Short
7 - The revisions allowed it to evolve. Try to find other ways where you can show more about you....
Undergraduateluminousx - Dec 27, 2009 / jyu104 - Dec 28, 2009
|JHU Supplement Essay - Why Writing Seminars?
6 - Haha! Thank you very much for your help. I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it. Any suggestions on how...
Undergraduatekenzo_kun - Dec 26, 2009 / kenzo_kun - Dec 28, 2009
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