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|"Generous toward international students" - Swarthmore essay - Why Swarthmore?
UndergraduateCermi - Dec 27, 2009 / Cermi - Dec 27, 2009
|Ithaca Answer FOR WHY I'VE CHOSEN BIOLOGY MAJOR
NEW - Here is the question: Please note briefly the reason(s) you selected the academic program to which you seek admission....
UndergraduateJd87rh - Dec 27, 2009 / — -
|NYU supplements- essay about why i chose academic program & NYU
8 - alrighty, thanks a lot to all of you, and i do appreciate the critique! it is mostly the character...
UndergraduateEmmerz - Dec 26, 2009 / Emmerz - Dec 27, 2009
|Cornell - The environment blurs into a sight of indistinguishable colors and shapes
10 - i'm sorry if i can across as harsh, you have some serious skills as a writer, you really do,...
Undergraduatetkkt1 - Dec 26, 2009 / srandhawa - Dec 27, 2009
|"education is useless because it dulls our personalities." required supplement
15 - I think that the essay is much better than before. Its more focused than before. Could it be better...
Undergraduatez4evafoolz - Dec 26, 2009 / Dbarrows1 - Dec 27, 2009
|Macaulay Honors Essay-Discuss some issue of national, or international concern
5 - Try to find a substitute for the word hate because you are using it continuously on the 4th paragraph....
Undergraduatealphacat92 - Dec 8, 2009 / mjellma - Dec 27, 2009
|"wanted to study abroad" + "mascot" - Grinnell essays
8 - That's a nice touch, I'll think about it, but I'm afraid that 90% of the applicants mentions that Grinnell...
UndergraduateCermi - Dec 24, 2009 / Cermi - Dec 27, 2009
|I discovered my love of politics; What led you to select your history : NYU
3 - It is not good to write all in one long paragraph. Try to write paragraphs that consist of about...
UndergraduateWrestlingnba - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|Common Application: My sister
4 - Interesting introduction. Try to keep the same flow in the next paragraphs. To do that, describe more vividly, use...
Undergraduatedanielhe - Dec 26, 2009 / poisonivy - Dec 27, 2009
|Columbia Engineering short answers
5 - Nice both of them. Regarding to the first, why not be a little more specific about which community service...
Undergraduatem126531 - Dec 26, 2009 / poisonivy - Dec 27, 2009
|Eccentric, influential person essay or electricity-generating bike essay?
14 - No, I actually meant the first one, because it starts with excellent narration. vault, spring off. Vault, spring off....
Undergraduatekeilinger - Dec 10, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|Common App Essay. What I bring to the College "mix."
3 - Reduce the number of adverbs, but don't take out the meaningful ones, like "ironically." Looking back now, I seem...
UndergraduateDevataa - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|mica - artwork changing perception
Undergraduateowls - Dec 27, 2009 / SkittleRose - Dec 27, 2009
|My Mother's Words--CommonApp Essay
5 - She said that the letter was something that she wrote to us in case something ever happened to her,...
UndergraduateMarHall - Dec 21, 2009 / mjellma - Dec 27, 2009
|How you first learned about Grinnell College? - Grinnell supplement
5 - One more thing... this part is weak: it was not until my friend Radka entered the Class of 2013,...
Undergraduatehaggahagga - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|UPenn Supplementary Essay: Benjamin Franklin and Contribution to the Community
4 - Yes, with online forms you often cannot indent. Instead we do line breaks. That's why, in a formal...
Undergraduatemargerine - Dec 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2009
|Conncoll supplement - tell us something about you
2 - I consider exploring mysteries as my intellectual hobby. When I face a mystery, I treat it as a...
Undergraduatehbrad8002 - Dec 27, 2009 / SkittleRose - Dec 27, 2009
|'different cultural background' - Equity and community-Lehigh supplement
5 - I'm writing my Lehigh essay too, isn't this too long to be submitted? You only have 1000 characters....
Undergraduatebhan_msm - Dec 20, 2009 / monzzzz92 - Dec 27, 2009
|Princeton Quote Essay---Engaging a troublesome child
3 - FAB! Very well written, short but adequate. a 100% winning essay! One of the best essays I ve read...
Undergraduatertgrove123 - Dec 24, 2009 / Wanderer_x - Dec 27, 2009
|CORNELL CAS Supplement Essay- Cheating on Humanities!?
7 - okay, I reorganized some of the paragraphs. Someone told me they didn't like the affair metaphor, and then someone...
UndergraduateMasterus - Dec 26, 2009 / Masterus - Dec 27, 2009
|NYU all four supplements:Yoko Ono, storylines, poem, diversity
2 - 1) I think you should mention something specific about Yoko... what draws you to her specifically? But other than...
Undergraduatetuna624 - Dec 27, 2009 / SkittleRose - Dec 27, 2009
|2 short essays: Why Chicago & My favourite film.
Undergraduatezealzou - Dec 10, 2009 / zealzou - Dec 27, 2009
|'Everyone was not satisfied with our monitor' - How did you get caught?
15 - thank you sooooo much, kevin, and other friends' suggestions on this!~...I revised it several times would finnaly use it~~...
Undergraduatezealzou - Dec 1, 2009 / zealzou - Dec 27, 2009
|Common App Essay: Fictional Character... Dreams Are My Nuts and Bolts!!
UndergraduateAkshat - Dec 22, 2009 / poisonivy - Dec 27, 2009
|Art, music, science, math, literature + secretly like - My UVA Supplement Essays
5 - Mhmm, I think I agree. The second one was written in kind of a get-it-over-with attitude. I'll probably keep...
Undergraduateahsanxr - Dec 27, 2009 / ahsanxr - Dec 27, 2009
|What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given, and why?
Undergraduatelinhexi - Dec 26, 2009 / owls - Dec 27, 2009
|Common Application: A Historical Figure, Richard Feynman
4 - Gauss's law for magnetism can be put in many ways: "the divergence of the magnetic field is everywhere zero,"...
UndergraduateAbhijeetS - Dec 24, 2009 / codelieb - Dec 27, 2009
|RICE UNIVERSITY - why medicine? Hospitals are my vacation homes
Undergraduatemichellem58867 - Dec 27, 2009 / dayae21 - Dec 27, 2009
|the First Responder team, Tell us something about you
3 - The sound of my pager ripped through the silence in the classroom -silence "of" the classroom This student-run...
Undergraduatedavidlin1992 - Dec 27, 2009 / m126531 - Dec 27, 2009
|Common App short answer (both sides of the stage)
4 - perhaps you may want to elaborate more on the last sentence. what do you mean by "learned the importance...
Undergraduatejmk55 - Dec 24, 2009 / hbrad8002 - Dec 27, 2009
|Common App Activity Essay : Splash or Mozart Vs Beethoven?
7 - xtremewishes Yes I am sacking the music linkage!!I'll make it more to the point!! @Simrath Yes...
UndergraduateAkshat - Dec 26, 2009 / Akshat - Dec 27, 2009
|Rochester Short Answer. why good fit + different points of view
NEW - Rochester Supplementary Short Answers 1. What makes the University of Rochester a good fit for you? In answering,...
UndergraduateEsaias - Dec 27, 2009 / — -
|NYU supplement; 'A day in NYC with anyone'
9 - "endeavoring through a concrete jungle" This sounds a bit awkward, though i understand the point you are trying to...
Undergraduatedizzydaydreams - Dec 23, 2009 / nadine83 - Dec 27, 2009
|MIT Creativity Essay - "Nighttime is like Progresso New England Clam Chowder."
4 - I would expect since this is MIT, that many people will want to flaunt their extensive research projects. They...
Undergraduateqwe123 - Dec 26, 2009 / tiliu - Dec 27, 2009
|Hey BEN what can I contribute to your community? (UPENN supp)
2 - Eliminate the last paragraph the one before it is a much better ending and leaves the essay on a...
Undergraduateekfoong - Dec 26, 2009 / caisson22 - Dec 26, 2009
|a liberal arts education anchored in Christian values - Pepperdine's common app
4 - It's a christian school so I thought you had to talk about an education integrated with religious faith because...
Undergraduatejuesewang - Dec 24, 2009 / caisson22 - Dec 26, 2009
|Don't know how to start sop -- applying for an engineering course at UG level
2 - wow, well, say something about yourself, ask who are you? What type of person you are, what is interesting...
Undergraduaterohstar - Dec 26, 2009 / srandhawa - Dec 26, 2009
|Trinity College essay (how will u free the mind of prejudice)
2 - I even disliked foreigners because... ...I discovered many things, of which I had known little. The colorful...
UndergraduatePrettyBoyu - Dec 26, 2009 / EF_Susan - Dec 26, 2009
|"marching band camp" An essay of how I spent my summers
4 - I spent two very memorable weeks during the summer of 2008 at a camp called "Global Scholars," where... ...
Undergraduatesportybluei - Dec 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 26, 2009
|Common App: Topic of Choice (leadership) ---
4 - Leadership takes patience to acquire, it is rarely immediate and the effect and influence are impossible to trace. ---...
Undergraduatesara_h20 - Dec 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 26, 2009
|Why Engineering? Why Cornell Engineering?
10 - Had his efforts not been hampered by his hearing impairment, his achievements would have been even more outstanding. -This...
Undergraduatefearless9 - Dec 13, 2009 / batmankiller - Dec 26, 2009
|Georgetown essay - Perfectionist
2 - Clearly, my desire to make sure that my job was done correctly proved that I likened to perfectionist policies....
Undergraduatessuraj - Dec 25, 2009 / SkittleRose - Dec 26, 2009
|"Guardian of My Life" - a person has a huge influence on me.
NEW - Please watch my grammar too. All helps will be very appreciated =) Moving from Vietnam to California -...
Undergraduatemonkey13330gg - Dec 26, 2009 / — -
|'The final football season' - NYU: how you spent summer vacation: 500
4 - I'm applying to NYU too! good luck!! but anyway i didn't think it was bad...but i agree with Mellzzer......
UndergraduateWrestlingnba - Dec 24, 2009 / dizzydaydreams - Dec 26, 2009
|UMich Prompt--Describe your interests&aspirations in engineering
5 - Thank you all for the feedback. Here's my second draft. I took the advice of Kevin and made some...
Undergraduatemammal - Dec 23, 2009 / mammal - Dec 26, 2009
|"I can have a sense of security" - JHU Supplement Help
6 - Sorry, we have to suspend you for ignoring the thread title rules. You may be able to access the...
Undergraduatesrandhawa - Dec 26, 2009 / EF_Team - Dec 26, 2009
|UPenn Supplement Essay- Pakistan Society and One Health at Penn
3 - Use a comma to separate the 2 halves of a compound sentence: The University of Pennsylvania Pakistan Society is...
Undergraduatezain12qa - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 26, 2009
|UNCW Essay - Carolina's Paradise
2 - Less is more with unnecessary details: Once a week, o On Monday nights at 8:00 p.m., I make ......
Undergraduatelowcal - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 26, 2009
|"The focus and dedication" - George Washington University Common App. Supplement
2 - That first sentence is a strong one! You should follow it with a sentence that gives an example of...
Undergraduatejuesewang - Dec 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 26, 2009
|Tufts self identity - Ke$ha and Bushido!
12 - Thanks for reiterating that point! I definitely thought about timetbow's suggestion, but I wasn't quite sure how to incorporate...
Undergraduatemmmargarita - Dec 22, 2009 / mmmargarita - Dec 26, 2009
|"Oh... sometimes things happen." Something that didn't go as planned - MIT essay
Undergraduaterzj123 - Dec 25, 2009 / mokie257 - Dec 26, 2009
|Ichigo - Common App essay- significant influence
4 - This one's newly revised with some stuff added. I have not deleted the "Kevins" part because I have to...
Undergraduatemeliza8809 - Dec 23, 2009 / meliza8809 - Dec 26, 2009
|Drawing and painting - MIT pleasure essay
9 - If you're confused I think the best thing to do would be to move on to your other application...
Undergraduatewhitepolarbear - Dec 26, 2009 / theAbraham - Dec 26, 2009
|"the Victory Lap" - Common App: Elaborate on Extra Curricular Activity
Undergraduatew43vaurz - Dec 20, 2009 / w43vaurz - Dec 26, 2009
|University of Michigan - Diversity - Short Answer Question
2 - you did look at the wrong essay for mine, the updated one was down below, i know its confusing,...
UndergraduateDjacob9 - Dec 25, 2009 / srandhawa - Dec 26, 2009
|Brown essay on advice
2 - Hi, I think you should elaborate more on how you "walked the path" in the second paragraph. you could...
Undergraduateleslery - Dec 26, 2009 / daft123 - Dec 26, 2009
|STANFORD- Roommate essay (observe the people you hang out with)
7 - the idea of your essay is basically that your friends are the window to your personality. you can still...
UndergraduateMel77 - Dec 25, 2009 / anhammond - Dec 26, 2009
|"You can achieve your goal if you persistently pursue it,"One Page Autobiography
4 - Thanks a lot Kalena Zimmerman. I really liked your correction, and I appreciate your time and effort you put...
Undergraduatekhoshhal - Dec 24, 2009 / khoshhal - Dec 26, 2009
|Melinda's condition led to my interest in science; Why I choose Bioengineering.
UndergraduateJd87rh - Dec 19, 2009 / Jd87rh - Dec 26, 2009
|UPenn: Acadamic Communities
5 - I actually liked the first paragraph. I think it really shows that you have done your research, which further...
UndergraduateTimMill - Dec 26, 2009 / rzj123 - Dec 26, 2009
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