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|turned to basketball to help clear my head, Penn State personal statement
3 - Never start with a statement of the obvious. It is better to skip it. Start like this: Throughout...
Undergraduatetimmy11803 - Nov 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
|common app feedback - a topic of your choice - i prefer choirs
3 - After this sentence, you should add one more before ending the first paragraph. Part of the experience you...
Undergraduatehwei91 - Dec 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
|"How music transformed me, my future".. Common application Essay
8 - Hi mmwatchusay, I notice that the feedback you give other people is not helpful at all!!Please put some more...
Undergraduatemmwhatchusay - Dec 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
|Personal Statement involving medicine
3 - No starting essays with statements of the obvious! That sentence is not powerful. Now here is a...
Undergraduatetchonis05 - Dec 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
|Cornell AAP Supplement, why your chosen major?
4 - Until fairly recently, my answers to the frequently asked "What-do-you-want-to-be-when-you-grow-up" question were always inconsistent. ---> cut out unhelpful words....
Undergraduatethecirclegame - Dec 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
|"to give back to the community and make friends" -Lehigh Supplement Short Answer
3 - I quickly became immersed in Lehigh's accomplishments, and how these accelerations in the engineering field can assist me with...
Undergraduatequiggyxpop15 - Dec 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
|I was one of the only two Asian-Americans in our academy, CommApp Personal Essay
2 - Use a comma after "school" in this compound sentence. In order to make this clearer, I suggest...
Undergraduateessayxkrasti - Dec 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
|"How on earth did you get interested in opera?" Common app essay (option 4)
9 - I entertained the usual stereotypes; (after the semi-colon I added here, specify what stereotypes you are talking about. You...
UndergraduateAemilia - Aug 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
|Medicine + Piece of Advice - Brown Supplement Essays
3 - I recommend six instead of 6, but more importantly, my first words were doctor is wrong. One of...
UndergraduateDemolitionX - Dec 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
|Determined; Passionate; Open-minded - boston: three word that describe you best
Undergraduateginny2345 - Dec 20, 2009 / lowcal - Dec 20, 2009
|"Daunting, isn't it?", significant experience and its impact on you..
UndergraduateChelBelle - Dec 6, 2009 / ChelBelle - Dec 20, 2009
|Best piece of advice: "never, never, never give up" (Eleanor Roosevelt)
Undergraduatesmileypeace10 - Dec 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
|An Intellectual Experience:Stanford Short Essay
8 - Add an apostrophe to nature's!! seven year-old mind The perpetual hysteria it stirred within me accrued...
Undergraduateore4thebetter - Dec 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
|In my free time, I trawl the net, looking for physics problems.
6 - I agree with Nick, as great as Feynman's quotes are, this one is just too edgy. Not to mention...
Undergraduatefeynmanfan - Dec 12, 2009 / AbhijeetS - Dec 20, 2009
|Supplement Essay Emory Univ. knowledge and expertise
5 - *** Okay here is my revision. I added a bunch of other stuff to it. Unfortunately I definitely went...
Undergraduateadanne1990 - Dec 19, 2009 / adanne1990 - Dec 20, 2009
|My love for music....Stanford Short essay 2
Undergraduateore4thebetter - Dec 18, 2009 / ore4thebetter - Dec 20, 2009
|Chubby Charm - MY COMMON APP ESSAY
UndergraduateScheherazade19 - Nov 28, 2009 / Logical_Fella_C - Dec 20, 2009
|The day that I would become the New York City champion in the 1000-meter race. Common app essay
10 - i agree with jael...i think that u should change your sentence structures. u say so many things in one...
Undergraduatepapulin23 - Dec 3, 2009 / gemma2345 - Dec 20, 2009
|Of all the activities, in our outside of school, soccer holds the most meaning to me
9 - first of all ,I think that this essay wont be accepted since it is more than 150 words.Even I...
Undergraduatedannyfwk - Dec 8, 2009 / bhan_msm - Dec 20, 2009
|Notre Dame Supplement Essay--Make a difference
Undergraduatepeterhanprc - Dec 19, 2009 / peterhanprc - Dec 20, 2009
|Hamilton College Book review(pls help me to revise it thanx)
UndergraduatePrettyBoyu - Dec 16, 2009 / PrettyBoyu - Dec 20, 2009
|A short paragraph from my Why Northwestern essay.
4 - With approximately 35 percent of all students in some Greek house, Northwestern certainly provide students with a wide non-academic...
Undergraduatefearless9 - Dec 19, 2009 / icysakura - Dec 19, 2009
|What does this essay need?! (an experience and its impact)
Undergraduatealejxa - Dec 19, 2009 / Vulpix - Dec 19, 2009
|a change which occurred last summer - General Topic Question
Undergraduateveshman - Dec 15, 2009 / veshman - Dec 19, 2009
|NYU Supplemental Application - Multiple Prompts
UndergraduateZab - Dec 18, 2009 / alejxa - Dec 19, 2009
|'Accepted Student weekend' - Why Stanford a good place for you?
4 - I read somewhere that it's generally not a good idea to name-drop in your essays unless it's absolutely necessary,...
Undergraduateviettran92 - Dec 18, 2009 / citadel01 - Dec 19, 2009
|Quote relating to AP Physics C short essay
2 - Is that quote really from an essay or book? The prompt was kind of specific about it needing to...
Undergraduatealejxa - Dec 19, 2009 / Katsch - Dec 19, 2009
|"my family belongs to a catholic religion"
7 - *i never really understood how christian life... *..As I grew ... *because baptist and catholic have different believes ......
Undergraduateitsjustme - Dec 12, 2009 / jsdginger - Dec 19, 2009
|Which communities of UPenn interest you, and how will you contribute to them
6 - "this salubrious and interactive Olympic sport..." Also, I'm pretty sure chess isn't an Olympic sport. Other than that,...
UndergraduateHelpPls - Nov 23, 2009 / Ivy_Equestrian - Dec 19, 2009
|"Characteristics of a doctor" Brooklyn B.A.-M.D. Program Essay
5 - thank you all. But i've decided nott o aply for the BAMD program because my teachers couldn't get the...
UndergraduateJd87rh - Nov 29, 2009 / Jd87rh - Dec 19, 2009
|UC prompt 2 a round of golf
Undergraduatedoug - Nov 23, 2009 / adanne1990 - Dec 19, 2009
|A Night of Revelations,GWU:what infleuced you to apply to george washington uni.
NEW - A Night of Revelations "Why don't you try the George Washington University?" my father asked. At that moment...
Undergraduategemma2345 - Dec 19, 2009 / — -
|I am about the farthest thing from the stereotypical New Yorker - Breaking Stereotypes
7 - Okay now i think your essay has potential. However, i definitely would recommend you to elaborate more with how...
Undergraduatechelseareana - Nov 23, 2009 / adanne1990 - Dec 19, 2009
|something about you that will help your future roommate, Stanford Prompt 2
4 - Don't worry, after one year with me, you will have mastered the art of listening to random music. as...
Undergraduateviettran92 - Dec 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 19, 2009
|Why Middlebury-why do you choose environmental study and Middlebury
2 - A chemical factory was set up nearby and slowly, the pristine river became feculent; beautiful I really hoped...
Undergraduateyf8651 - Dec 19, 2009 / EF_Susan - Dec 19, 2009
|last summer, Jerome Najee Rasheed, year 2050 - NYu short answers
3 - Akua was the girl with one whose personality type was clear to all who knew her: smart, conscientious, and...
UndergraduateLuvdance16 - Dec 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 19, 2009
|"If you can dream, you can do it." - Art Institute of San Francisco Application Essay
Undergraduatebohemianmoon - Dec 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 19, 2009
|Describe the world you come from (India to America) -MIT essay
Undergraduateparswar - Dec 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 19, 2009
|My favorite word and why? How has a work of science surprised me?
4 - You did not say anything to support this statement. It is not necessary, not really relevant to the...
UndergraduateRana2010 - Dec 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 19, 2009
|"I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free." Princeton Supplement- Quotation
3 - Liberty is one of a sociological term which is used to describe one's acting capacity and its interval.----> I...
Undergraduategsnwp - Dec 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 19, 2009
|2 MIT short essays about hobby and department preference
5 - The second essay has plenty of examples in my opinion. The first essay is kind of hard to add...
Undergraduatebirzhanfm - Dec 17, 2009 / ukarmy04 - Dec 19, 2009
|'The best advice is experience' - Cornell university --why cornell engineering?
12 - latest edit was much better. I like how you took out the useless things that I mentioned and altered...
Undergraduateruzhang143 - Dec 6, 2009 / batmankiller - Dec 19, 2009
|"we need to learn how to think" -comm
Undergraduatenemesis01 - Dec 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 19, 2009
|"Go to Play Basketball" - how will u contribute to our school
4 - Well... I really like your use of the word trifling, and I like some other adjectives, like "foggy." ...
UndergraduatePrettyBoyu - Dec 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 19, 2009
|The importance of diversity as a prospective Rutgers student.
Undergraduatenkhattri - Nov 29, 2009 / lillyforlunch - Dec 19, 2009
|'Hardware issues' - MIT Creativity Essay (a time you used your creativity)
5 - it sounds awkward, although there's nothing wrong syntax-wise with this sentence. It's just that juxtaposing support with computer...seems...
UndergraduateAbhijeetS - Dec 18, 2009 / yang - Dec 19, 2009
|"Jane has autism," Common Application Essay! Topic: significant experience.
4 - that was a great advice, keilinger. i feel like i did put more of my negative side than positive...
Undergraduatekda013 - Dec 17, 2009 / kda013 - Dec 19, 2009
|An essay about something I've outrown- Chicago extended essay
NEW - Hi! Please I'm badly in need of your honest opinion and suggestions on improving my Chicago essay. Do you...
Undergraduateadeleye - Dec 19, 2009 / — -
|I have taken many journeys devoid ; Carnegie Mellon- Why?/ Major
Undergraduatethe onw - Nov 29, 2009 / yang - Dec 19, 2009
|"Arabs are the new blacks"; CUNY Mac Honors / Local, National, International problem
2 - I'm going to be totally honest. This is an extremely interesting essay. However, you could do a better job...
Undergraduaterafeeki92 - Dec 18, 2009 / cdrappi - Dec 18, 2009
|"to rejuvenate my African culture" Essay question help, transferring
2 - Thanks you sir..for being harsh. I really want to get into UVA and I need a solid essay. Here...
UndergraduateNasir2009 - Dec 17, 2009 / Nasir2009 - Dec 18, 2009
|FGCU Essay Rough Draft (Characteristics/qualities you posses..)
6 - You make alot of realistic references, great job! I was born in the 3rd world country, Haiti. Later,...
UndergraduateJfils - Nov 21, 2009 / NightRaven - Dec 18, 2009
|Columbia essay (conveys to the reader a sense of who you are)
7 - The idiom of embark is wrong, you usually use embark on.. Other than that.. great writing.. descriptive, yet...
Undergraduatekattylad - Dec 13, 2009 / batmankiller - Dec 18, 2009
|'The Tramp - Charlie Chaplin' - Common App Essay #4 Character in fiction
Undergraduatejnguyen787 - Dec 17, 2009 / jnguyen787 - Dec 18, 2009
|BU Supplement Base; Leadership, Service, and Congeniality
Undergraduateyankeebud95 - Dec 17, 2009 / yankeebud95 - Dec 18, 2009
|"Whistler"- Common app main essay(Topic of your choice)
Undergraduatefsy - Dec 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 18, 2009
|Common app LONG essay - person who had significant influence on you (aunt, bro)
5 - You can do both! Please give people some significant feedback about their essays. Offer ideas instead of just...
Undergraduatefromagebus - Dec 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 18, 2009
|Duke Sup-why you want to study engineering and why you want to study at Duke
2 - In that first paragraph, I thin it takes too long to make your point. From the reader's perspective, it...
Undergraduateyf8651 - Dec 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 18, 2009
|Living in a diverse community, Colgate supp essay - comment
Undergraduatebhan_msm - Dec 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 18, 2009
|NYU Supplement - famous New Yorker, poem, and going green
8 - I really like your documentary idea! I'm considering going crazy in mine. kinda like slyvia plath/Emily Dickinson-ish. Your poems...
UndergraduateTBONESTEAK33 - Dec 12, 2009 / gladwise13 - Dec 18, 2009
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