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|"Memory" - Common Application Critique! my jet-black SLR camera
2 - ...juxtaposed against a background of my rivals between other competitors as my torso contorts itself over the barrier, each...
UndergraduatePsyched - Dec 21, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|Extra Curricular ( Common App) 150 Word Response
3 - Let's not be so informal as to drop the word "during" when it is necessary: I joined the club...
Undergraduateedgardz21 - Dec 21, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|How Were You Caught? 'being caught into the politics'
6 - That first paragraph is quite impressive. I see some unnecessary stuff to be trimmed from paragraph 2, though: By...
Undergraduateedgardz21 - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|"Ding! Ding! Ding!" - for my common application essay on diversity
4 - To say that I was nervous would be an understatement; I was literally petrified; My guts were all tied...
Undergraduatesrahimi - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|tutoring programs and learning projects - UIUC Essay prompt
5 - Yes, I think the most impressive thing you can do is show that you are already being proactive about...
Undergraduatedemuredelight - Dec 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|'good body language' - SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCE
Undergraduatesincerelyydavid - Dec 21, 2009 / missioncontrol - Dec 22, 2009
|Common App essay (the influence of my two little siblings)
3 - ...today it is extremely more hectic and entertaining. By thirteen I felt like I had landed the full-tim...
Undergraduatealejxa - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|Option #2 for Yale Supplement Essay--God, Beauty, cousin Eve
4 - My little cousins are adorable. ---> just an idea to help draw the reader into the experience. It's...
Undergraduatesbrooks10 - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|enjoy most - music, performing for children
3 - Here is an idea for this excellent last sentence. This quality, this expression in my music, is not easily...
Undergraduatelilgangwolf - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|'superstition and unawareness' - Stanford Intellectual vitality- Disease
3 - ...was fought in history, I felt compelled was stimulated to look at how the modern 21st century responds to...
Undergraduatexxgraceanxx - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|'Academic standards / Indian roots' - University of Rochester short answer
5 - "I can only hope that I may be able to bring my experiences and knowledge to University of Rochester."...
Undergraduatenadine83 - Dec 19, 2009 / seivert9 - Dec 22, 2009
|"Coming to America" (How has your family influenced who you are)
5 - "No matter where you go, you must never forget where you came from, and the obstacles you have crossed....
UndergraduateJfils - Nov 19, 2009 / seivert9 - Dec 22, 2009
|"Mr. Bingley was only a fish" - Yale Supplement-any topic
Undergraduatesbrooks10 - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|Common App: My Influences. My parent's greatest love was family.
4 - The way she deals with percentages would impress anybody in the field of mathematics and science. She gets lost...
Undergraduateschmevie - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|Polytechnic Institute of NYU: Spend a day with an inventor. who, where and why?
UndergraduateJd87rh - Dec 16, 2009 / Jd87rh - Dec 22, 2009
|Rice's academic life, Road to Equality
4 - To this day, her smile reminds me of how, despite our contrasting lifestyles, we are equals. I feel that...
Undergraduatelowcal - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|If you are applying to the Pratt school of Engineering - why you want to study engineering at Duke?
4 - Engineering, I feel, will give me the knowledge needed to make a change. ---> well... this is rather vague....
Undergraduatethe17goose - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|The environmental field, Brown - what academic field are you interested in?
4 - This is especially appealing to me, because I am fascinated by lives other than my own. Another field that...
Undergraduatetimeturner36 - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|Common Application Short Answer (Seeds of Peace)
4 - At Seeds of Peace Camp in summer 2001 Eleven teenagers from Bosnia, Croatia and Serbia criss-crossed their arms...
UndergraduateMona86 - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|NU- supplement why NU (a faculty to student ratio of 7 to 1)
6 - Because you end the first paragraph with this statement, it makes it seem like you are about to...
UndergraduateNUhopeful - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|Never content with an "easy answer" - CMU commonapp supplement essay
4 - Good idea, Faisal! I did not think of talking out those unnecessary words at the start. I agree: It...
Undergraduatehoneyriceball - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|Title: The Road Now Taken
3 - The aroma of the fresh out-of-the-oven brownies and the roar of the vacuum cleaning were all examples of what...
Undergraduatelowcal - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|'Asian in New York' - Cultural Differences Essay.
3 - The beginning of this has sme nice introspection, but I think you present yourself in too negative a light!...
Undergraduatebatmankiller - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|JHU Supplement- Why I chose to apply as Engineering Undecided
3 - I would use " " marks here: ---> The term "engineering" has become one which is used loosely and...
Undergraduatejoben222 - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|Residential school for underprivileged childen, common application essay option
UndergraduatePopcorn - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|"I want to study environmental engineering" - Johns Hopkins Supplement
3 - I think you can express a better aspiration than the aspiration to be widely known. Express an aspiration to...
UndergraduateRowa - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 22, 2009
|a job as a newspaper carrier - Common Application short answer (Activity)
6 - Actually the tone isn't so negative. Don't worry! I just thought it would be better if you reworded or...
Undergraduatektcat4002 - Dec 22, 2009 / sportybluei - Dec 22, 2009
|Common App Essay- Own Topic: "Who I Am and What I came from."
2 - ^When you first talk about a phenomenon, are you referring to your friends getting a haircut? ...
Undergraduatejimmjacks12 - Dec 21, 2009 / Liebe - Dec 22, 2009
|SUNY Buffalo & Plattsburgh - Dreams and Goals
5 - Well, thanks for the suggestions. I mailed the essay the other day. And yes, most parents don't just...
Undergraduateraven - Dec 17, 2009 / raven - Dec 22, 2009
|UNC Essay - Which terms suit best to describe me as a person and my whole life?
Undergraduatecoreync - Dec 16, 2009 / coreync - Dec 22, 2009
|Emory- how will it help me grow?
Undergraduateangie127 - Oct 27, 2009 / Josephine0411 - Dec 22, 2009
|things that even tenaciousness and dedication can't solve, Harvard Supplementary
4 - i really like the imagery you use! Undoubtedly, if I'd had a little more knowledge of draftsmanship going...
UndergraduateNandra - Dec 21, 2009 / anhammond - Dec 22, 2009
|Perfect School Balance - Northwestern Statement
8 - you essay is really wonderful but i also agree with zuluyan. there's no answer to that question....
Undergraduateganadara000 - Nov 29, 2009 / ginny2345 - Dec 22, 2009
|An Essay on Family. UC essay
2 - I liked your essay. However you can take it a level further by making the dialogues more interesting....
UndergraduateZuluYaN - Dec 22, 2009 / ashehryar - Dec 22, 2009
|MMSS program, Why Northwestern?
3 - To correct a few points: First, though NU does good in developing the intimacy between students and profs....
Undergraduatejunbotheone - Dec 19, 2009 / ZuluYaN - Dec 22, 2009
|Northwestern Supplement - Why Northwestern?
Undergraduatetimeturner36 - Dec 20, 2009 / ZuluYaN - Dec 22, 2009
|Northwestern supplement:: "A second chance"
6 - It definitely had some touching spots. Story of your home country You may consider the following tips: ...
Undergraduateginny2345 - Dec 21, 2009 / ZuluYaN - Dec 22, 2009
|Admissions Essay "Shedding Old Skin"
2 - This is quite the interesting essay! In fact, its like nothing I have ever seen before. But, I...
Undergraduateashehryar - Dec 21, 2009 / pbhat - Dec 22, 2009
|Growing up with two religions
NEW - San Francisco: a cultural mecca where religions coincide and ideas explode into being. Most of my friends and I...
Undergraduatekeilinger - Dec 22, 2009 / — -
|Sparked (a personal change from adolescence to maturity) - common app essay
Undergraduatecdrappi - Dec 21, 2009 / Nandra - Dec 22, 2009
|A lifetime engagement in research ----Duke engineering supplement
Undergraduateswirl92 - Dec 21, 2009 / mmmargarita - Dec 21, 2009
|Stanford Essay: I'm from an Island!
7 - this essay is awesome. it really shows stanford your thought process and what topics make you think the...
Undergraduateschmevie - Dec 14, 2009 / anhammond - Dec 21, 2009
|"Ten minus seven"; EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY- tutoring
5 - This is a very well written response, however I agree with juesewang about the elaboration part. How has tutoring...
Undergraduatejamiexc - Dec 21, 2009 / swirl92 - Dec 21, 2009
|UPENN supplement- biography and most important communities
3 - These are great essays. I agree with everything said above. However, I think the conclusion on your first...
Undergraduatel3goals12 - Dec 20, 2009 / pbhat - Dec 21, 2009
|commonapp short answer: elaborate on one activity (speech contest)
2 - Hi Xiaomei, your english is very nice. I suggest you make a few grammatical changes for smoother flow: ...
Undergraduateqianmeimei - Dec 21, 2009 / swirl92 - Dec 21, 2009
|Hello my future roomie! Stanford University Short Answer
6 - great topic! i like how you talk about random qualities to showcase your uniqueness. maybe instead of being so...
Undergraduateparswar - Dec 16, 2009 / anhammond - Dec 21, 2009
|Stanford Supplement #1: Intellectual Vitality (Human Trafficking)
Undergraduateashley118 - Dec 21, 2009 / anhammond - Dec 21, 2009
|"Born in China, immersed into a new culture" - Boston University Essay
Undergraduatejuesewang - Dec 20, 2009 / juesewang - Dec 21, 2009
|"You're not going to college!" - CNR application essay
15 - I agree, there is def. some parts that I feel iffy about. But the difficult part is judging if...
UndergraduateRabiaG - Dec 19, 2009 / RabiaG - Dec 21, 2009
|THE HANDKERCHIEF (That is the keepsake of people love each other in my country)
7 - Thank you so much, Kevin! Anyway, you make me have a deep impression about "sweat and dry". Please forgive...
Undergraduateautumnwave - Dec 16, 2009 / autumnwave - Dec 21, 2009
|About drugs, essay cornell
Undergraduatemkjn91 - Dec 21, 2009 / mkjn91 - Dec 21, 2009
|The world, "ambitious and relentless" -common app essay (topic of my own choice)
2 - I really like this. My only suggestion is that I would be careful being so negative. I know your...
Undergraduatedaisyx3 - Dec 21, 2009 / twizzlestraw - Dec 21, 2009
|"I'm the definition of oxymoron" - stanford supplement essay (roommate)
Undergraduatedaisyx3 - Dec 21, 2009 / Ellan - Dec 21, 2009
|"a very diversified lifestyle" - Stanford's "Letter to roommate"
5 - "People like honesty like bees like honey." Like Jeannie has already mentioned, this is a rather awkward structure- three...
Undergraduateviettran92 - Dec 18, 2009 / Vulpix - Dec 21, 2009
|An artist's hands - UC Essay
17 - Hey guys, thanks for all the edits!! It really helped a lot, and I've already submitted it for UCs,...
Undergraduategumdrop41 - Nov 12, 2009 / gumdrop41 - Dec 21, 2009
|Undergraduate admissionto KU :Self description and Study plan essay
UndergraduateBakachi - Dec 20, 2009 / Bakachi - Dec 21, 2009
|Johns Hopkins Supplement - Yay Genetics!
3 - I think you did a great job explaining why you want to pursue a career in genetics. The essay...
Undergraduatetimeturner36 - Dec 21, 2009 / daisyx3 - Dec 21, 2009
|Common App Topic Of Your Choice Essay Interweaving Football with Education
4 - Oops! Thanks, Kevin! I was away typing you a message when you were already here! Weirrrrd. Disregard my message...
Undergraduaterememberthe - Dec 19, 2009 / Jeannie - Dec 21, 2009
|ESSAY- Cornell Schoolof Architecture
5 - Good sentence!!!!!! As I anchored the last piece of chipboard onto my cube, my fingers sticky with...
Undergraduatedollarchitect - Dec 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 21, 2009
|Common App: Person who has influenced you (Ms.Young)
2 - You should mention Ms. Young in your first paragraph. Before I became her student, there were some serious...
Undergraduatedollarchitect - Dec 20, 2009 / EF_Susan - Dec 21, 2009
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