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|UC Prompt #1: Your World (thirty eight) - I've grown to become a programming "nerd"
7 - Joe, the essay is an easy read but it doesn't really reflect the kind of response that would touch...
Undergraduatesukhtheduke1 - Nov 22, 2015 / vangiespen - Nov 23, 2015
|Through this experience I have learned that I am stronger than I would have ever deemed myself to be
4 - Madison, I know that you are practicing or preparing a response to a college application prompt. While I can...
Undergraduatemadisonmalaga1 - Nov 18, 2015 / vangiespen - Nov 22, 2015
|If you had the opportunity to establish a club at the university what would it be and why ?
4 - Basil, I agree that the club you would like to establish in the university is something that interests the...
UndergraduateBigbasel - Nov 17, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 22, 2015
|I need to enjoy my time being alone won't help. I changed my old view about the people.
4 - Fwaz, I believe your essay is quiet weak and does not really correspond to the prompt, what you did...
UndergraduateFoz - Nov 18, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 22, 2015
|College Essay for Ringling! Unsure of what I have is good enough or not.
5 - hello lilly, let me try to give some recommendations on your passage A scenic Japanese film that inspired...
UndergraduateXiewin - Nov 12, 2015 / irfan727 - Nov 22, 2015
|'From coding programs in BASIC to playing football': persistence and hard work is the key to success
4 - Hardik, your essay actually presents a very good premise for the obstacle that you faced and no, I am...
Undergraduategreenlantern - Nov 20, 2015 / vangiespen - Nov 22, 2015
|My perception of Buddhism and how it has changed - Apply Texas Topic A
4 - Thanks everyone for the compliments and criticisms! I'll keep everything in mind when editing the essay. If anyone else...
Undergraduateavishkas - Nov 20, 2015 / avishkas - Nov 21, 2015
|Artists Statement / Solving a Problem Essay
Undergraduateeleplant - Nov 20, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 21, 2015
|I created the Investment Club for students on my campus with a passion for business - Texas Essay
Undergraduatechaddonohoe - Nov 19, 2015 / avishkas - Nov 20, 2015
|My background and an experience of meeting new people
Undergraduateschoolboy124 - Nov 19, 2015 / avishkas - Nov 20, 2015
|Soap matters to me. It's not the object, it's what soap is representative of that matters.
5 - It's bold and definitely worth a second read. But there could be better analogies that you could use to...
Undergraduatealexlestrange - Nov 19, 2015 / Ishaqur - Nov 19, 2015
|Future in four years - College Application Essay
UndergraduateTquick3126 - Nov 17, 2015 / yan500 - Nov 19, 2015
|Challenges facing my country and how achieving a bachelors degre will empower me to tackle the issue
6 - Thanks very much Vangiespan. Truly, you are a God-sent. God richly bless you abundantly for the impact you are...
Undergraduateyan500 - Nov 16, 2015 / yan500 - Nov 19, 2015
|Hopefully, I'll be able to become successful in computer science. UC Personal Statement #2: MY WORLD
5 - I would focus more on how your background has shaped your dreams and aspirations! Show what you're passionate about...
Undergraduatebrownmamba18 - Nov 17, 2015 / chaddonohoe - Nov 19, 2015
|UIUC - Gap Year - What have you been doing upon graduating from high school?
3 - Hey Louisa, Really grateful for latest revision!! I think it's great and its what I was exactly looking...
UndergraduateKenMugi - Nov 18, 2015 / KenMugi - Nov 18, 2015
|My aim is to become a Cardiovascular surgeon. Personal statement for a US student exchange program.
6 - Thank you so much for your kind cooperation, i really appreciate it. i think the essay is perfect ,...
Undergraduateshayankhan - Nov 15, 2015 / shayankhan - Nov 17, 2015
|To Relive the Past - Brandeis University Supplement
4 - Hi Brittany... I will try to closely read your writing.. I will give you few suggestions. I hope that...
Undergraduatebrittanyag - Nov 15, 2015 / akbarmappiare - Nov 17, 2015
|The Bryn Mawr Honor Code and Self-Government Association affirm the importance of our academic ...
Undergraduateauapeterson - Nov 16, 2015 / auapeterson - Nov 16, 2015
|'College as good as the student who attends it' - Supplementary essay for Hofstra - Why Hofstra?
4 - In agreement with the above responses, Rose, I believe you should talk more about YOU, not Hofstra. I mean...
Undergraduaterosieb - Nov 11, 2015 / desigirl16 - Nov 16, 2015
|"We all have great inner power" - Lifetime Goals Essay; Apply Texas Topic C
Undergraduatechickenpiemary - Nov 15, 2015 / Ethan M - Nov 16, 2015
|Even when life is not going as planned, you should never give up. College Application on Failure.
3 - Ibrahim, I am in definite agreement with Ivy about the need to divide your essay into paragraphs. It is...
UndergraduateSTUDENT0786 - Nov 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Nov 16, 2015
|USEFP Global Ugrad student exchange program Personal statement
3 - Mubashara, I believe you can write a little bit more sentences than what you have presented and the fact...
Undergraduatemubi - Nov 14, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 15, 2015
|A new experience - I learnt how the life could be harsh sometimes
5 - Hi Akrn, I'd like to share my thoughts in your essay. Well, looking back at the early stage of...
UndergraduateHypird - Nov 14, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 15, 2015
|My father has always told me, "The better education you have, the easier life will be."
3 - Jason, I'd like to share my thoughts on your essay with the focus on the last two paragraphs. ...
UndergraduateJlin2 - Nov 13, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 14, 2015
|Difficulties make you stronger
Undergraduateaab44 - Nov 13, 2015 / broibra - Nov 14, 2015
|Saving the world... from outside the world. -CommonApp Personal Essay
8 - Abdeali, I have removed the unnecessary parts of the essay that only deviate from the prompt or offer discussions...
UndergraduateAR2100 - Oct 12, 2015 / vangiespen - Nov 13, 2015
|'I am a meat-lover, one of those people who prefers non-vegetarian diet' - different beliefs essay
Undergraduatedevilwalker - Nov 3, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 12, 2015
|The college application for apply to different colleges - the biggest being Rice University.
Undergraduatemase1337 - Nov 1, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 12, 2015
|Collaborating with different people
4 - Mary, it's fine to forget things and we feel great that you took our suggestions at heart and follow...
Undergraduatechickenpiemary - Nov 8, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 12, 2015
|¨In the Face of Adversity...¨-VCU CommonApp Essay
5 - That's the main reason why I was told to think of a different experience, or at least describe it...
Undergraduatejamesbvaughan - Nov 11, 2015 / jamesbvaughan - Nov 12, 2015
|Northwestern attracts me with its dynamic biology program and renowned professors - Pers. Statement
3 - - First and foremostof all , Northwestern - attractsinterest me with its dynamic - I am deeply interestedintrigued in...
Undergraduatekingss22 - Nov 9, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 11, 2015
|A passion for volleybal - Columbia Supplemental essay
7 - Volleyball has been my passion since I remember. When I was 10 ... Volleyball is the greatest passion...
UndergraduateColumbiachick - Oct 26, 2015 / anggicaroot - Nov 10, 2015
|I read the question and my face tightened when I saw the one word that stood out to me: FAMILY.
3 - Vivian, aside from the fact that the transition of the essay is very smooth, I must say that you...
Undergraduateimvml - Nov 10, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 10, 2015
|'The humiliation you may feel' - Personal Statement- My background
4 - Minju, if it's not too late, I'd like to share my insights on the last two paragraphs of your...
UndergraduateMinjuo - Nov 9, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 10, 2015
|Why UChicago? It will challenge me, kick my ass, drain me, and destroy me.
2 - Camila, I'd like to help you out with the first two paragraphs of your essay. 1st paragraph -...
UndergraduateCamilabido - Nov 10, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 10, 2015
|"Failure Is Inevitable" - College Personal Essay
8 - Kierre, you basically have only 20 words spot to complete the 650 word count. Out of the idea above,...
UndergraduateKbro - Nov 9, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 10, 2015
|Core Curriculum and location within the heart of New York - Columbia Supplment Essay: Why Columbia??
Undergraduateminjuo1 - Nov 9, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 10, 2015
|'Tell us about your college career to date ...' - UW Seattle Personal Statement - Academic Elements
5 - Muhammad, I would like to commend you on the way that you have revised the essay. You really have...
Undergraduatemnh78614 - Nov 8, 2015 / vangiespen - Nov 9, 2015
|Blurred Vision among American adults - Common App Personal Essay
6 - Julia, honestly, the revised essay is far better than the original one. The paragraphs you made out of the...
Undergraduatejuliab00lia - Nov 2, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 9, 2015
|NYU Tisch (majoring in filmmaking) - "why us" essay
4 - Hello @Fahmisaja and @justivy03, thank you for you valuable feedback! My essay was indeed very lacking... I took on...
UndergraduateKyonabelle - Nov 5, 2015 / Kyonabelle - Nov 9, 2015
|Risking it all: UC Personal Statement
3 - Working hard for your future- UC Personal Statement Prompt Hello everyone, I would like some feedback on my...
Undergraduateel_jerry16 - Nov 8, 2015 / dodgers99j - Nov 9, 2015
|"Fashion to me means how one expresses themselves in a creative way..." FIT admissions essay
3 - Jessica, I would like to call your attention to the final part of your essay where you discuss why...
Undergraduatefashiongirl02 - Nov 8, 2015 / vangiespen - Nov 8, 2015
|Destroy and Build the Word with Scissors - CommonApp Essay about Personal Dilemma
10 - Alright, thank you. I will focus on the scissor mentality more in my revisions tomorrow. Thanks for all the...
UndergraduateZebroGodilla - Nov 8, 2015 / ZebroGodilla - Nov 8, 2015
|Out of the few universities that I visited and applied for, UCF stood out the most. COLLEGE ESSAY!
10 - Vineeth, no, the paragraph about how you felt at home when you visited UCF is not at all condescending....
Undergraduatevineeth10 - Nov 5, 2015 / vangiespen - Nov 8, 2015
|Development trajectories of Indian economy since Independence - correcting errors in the SoP
7 - Once again thanks a lot @justivy03 and@vangiespen, your team has always helped me so a big hug to you...
UndergraduateHargun003 - Nov 6, 2015 / Hargun003 - Nov 7, 2015
|"Jonathan, you're just not good enough" - Benchwarmer: The Power of Perseverance - Personal Essay
4 - 1st paragraph - my prior confidence and enthusiastic sparkenthusiasm were replaced by 3rd paragraph - I earned a...
Undergraduatejlee246 - Nov 5, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 7, 2015
|"Great East Japan Earthquake" - it changed the whole my life
Undergraduatejlee246 - Nov 5, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 7, 2015
|'dreams as big as oceans'; I wrote this statement of purpose for an exchange application
UndergraduateAilia_Z - Nov 7, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 7, 2015
|A Place That Makes You Dream
2 - Brittney, first of all, it would be helpful if you posted the prompt as well so that the contributors...
Undergraduatebrittneyakey - Oct 29, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 5, 2015
|'failure to audition for drum major'. Common App - "The Major Goal"
Undergraduateqwertii - Oct 29, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 5, 2015
|'A girl with depression, anxiety and without any self-confidence' My experience in helping others
Undergraduatedanielll - Oct 29, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 5, 2015
|UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON: Tell us a story from your life... (Personal Statement Criticism)
Undergraduatejyeonju - Oct 28, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 5, 2015
|"If you can't find happiness, then just create your own" - How I built my Happiness
UndergraduateFieryNyan - Oct 29, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 5, 2015
|Carleton first caught my attention, because of its size, location, and beautiful campus
5 - Anna, I'm afraid I have to agree with the other contributors, the essay doesn't correspond with the prompt. To...
Undergraduateannackellam - Oct 27, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 5, 2015
|ApplyTexas Essay: Conflict in life
3 - - Then there's the ones who live a mixturemixed life . - MaturingBeing a Mature individual meansis taking those...
Undergraduatechickenpiemary - Oct 27, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 4, 2015
|UW Short Response. How would you contribute to this community?
Undergraduatedanhvu2212 - Oct 27, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 4, 2015
|Draw on your best qualities as a writer, thinker, visionary, social critic, sage, world citizen...
UndergraduateTheButcha - Oct 27, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 4, 2015
|I am the master of my body and mind, I am no longer a "spoiled single child" transition to adulthood
Undergraduatemileshuang32 - Oct 27, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 4, 2015
|Shooting monkeys or saving food - Common App
3 - Hi Avishka, I'd like to share my thoughts on your essay. - Carefully heHe would carefullywould place a...
Undergraduateavishkas - Oct 24, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 4, 2015
|How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania?
4 - - which couldthat will lead to amazing research opportunities. - At Penn, I fully intend to take my academic...
Undergraduatejohnjr121 - Oct 24, 2015 / justivy03 - Nov 4, 2015
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