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|'My eyes sparkled as I looked at the body' University of California essay
2 - Ashwini, this is certainly an essay with unexpected content. It is not often that one will find a woman...
Undergraduatealexlestrange - Oct 25, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2015
|DEFINE RATHER THAN DEFEND
5 - Just a few tweaks with the last sentence. I was also instrumental in establishing a biogas plant in...
UndergraduateMensa418 - Sep 17, 2015 / alexlestrange - Oct 25, 2015
|What did I wrong? I will never be perfect - common app essay
3 - Jeffyt, this is a very interesting essay. You actually took it full circle starting with your failure at the...
Undergraduatejeffyt - Oct 25, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2015
|What Disney taught me. Divorce brings not solely a dismay - also the gift of realization. Common App
2 - Hey Jessica :-) I know that divorce is something that clearly affects the life of a child. It causes...
Undergraduatejeffyt - Oct 24, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 24, 2015
|Princeton BSE Essay: "Why Princeton Engineering?"
6 - If you can find a way to relate the first paragraph to your first experience in Engineering, that would...
UndergraduateTheKMaster - Oct 24, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 24, 2015
|Penn State Activities Essay! Tell me if I should include more or revise it!
Undergraduatemarcod14 - Oct 21, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 24, 2015
|Race, Time, Competition - the common app main essay topic 1 2015
Undergraduateaolafu - Oct 18, 2015 / aolafu - Oct 23, 2015
|A dream reflects one's unconscious emotional state and life goal - VT personal statement
3 - - Many people have a dreams while they are sleeping. - The dream has wide range of nature from...
Undergraduatewnsgml0530 - Oct 21, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 23, 2015
|Motivation Myself to Live Stronger in Life
4 - - MotivationMotivate Myself to Live Stronger in Life Tiffany, as you can see the first hit of your...
Undergraduatetiffany tran - Oct 21, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 23, 2015
|I finally knew I was done searching; I was going to be a Hokie.
4 - Courtney, I believe you did your research and here on EF, a lot of students seek for constructive criticism...
Undergraduatecsell97 - Oct 20, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 23, 2015
|Top Architecture school, so prideful that simply creates a palpable electricity - why to be a Hokie?
4 - I agree with all the comments above. As someone that graduated from Architecture School I think it would be...
Undergraduatesedgerton - Oct 19, 2015 / liliesandivory - Oct 22, 2015
|Sleep Paralysis - Essay on having a meaningful 'thing' which completes you as a person
6 - Josh, as I read through your essay, I believe the first 4 paragraphs are already good and we have...
Undergraduatejoshcruz428 - Oct 14, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 22, 2015
|"Sky Poo" PERSONAL STATEMENT My dream to assist people in finding happiness.
2 - Hi Angel Since you are applying for Hong Kong's university I believe your story at the beginning will certainly...
Undergraduateangelwu - Oct 22, 2015 / bonboncase - Oct 22, 2015
|Mount Holyoke College "never fear / change " essay! International student!
3 - Hi Rebecca :-) You have written a pretty good essay that embodies a woman who does not have fears...
Undergraduateita_int97 - Oct 22, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 22, 2015
|Nerd Camp Changing my Life - PSU Undergrad Application
3 - Taking these recommendations and those from other people, I have rewritten the statement. Hopefully, it is an improvement on...
UndergraduateCTYhuskerSaint - Oct 20, 2015 / CTYhuskerSaint - Oct 22, 2015
|"Describe yourself" - brief paragraph for Undergraduate Study Abroad Program Application
3 - Thank you Louisa! I've tried to make it much shorter since it is actually only supposed to be one...
Undergraduatekatevb - Oct 21, 2015 / katevb - Oct 21, 2015
|I AM NOT AN OUTSIDER. I'm not a typical Egyptian. Common app essay
5 - Kayan, I read your essay and here's my observation. - the prompt was partly answered, partly because you...
Undergraduatekayanabdou - Oct 17, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 21, 2015
|At times Blood is not thicker than water
UndergraduatePhatuu - Oct 14, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 21, 2015
|The Scary 11ft Swimming Test PERSONAL NARRATIVE
11 - The kind of grade that you will get will really depend upon how your teacher will view your written...
UndergraduateConnie31124 - Oct 18, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 21, 2015
|Volunteering and tutoring - my contribution to the UIC Honors College community
5 - - I will helped contribute to the UIC Honors College Program in countless ways. - I am passionate...
UndergraduateEssayist2 - Oct 17, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 21, 2015
|"Curious to know all of it." - Essay on choice of CS as a Major for Undergraduate
5 - Thank you very much for the reply! I agree a lot with your opinions, you make some really good...
UndergraduateHellXWar - Oct 20, 2015 / HellXWar - Oct 21, 2015
|'great programs for pre-medical studies' - My interest to study in Illinois Institute of Technology
4 - - I was continuously searching and searching - Finally, I sawfound it. - I was intrigued by thewith these...
UndergraduateEssayist2 - Oct 17, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 21, 2015
|College to master the Japanese language - conclusion revision...
Undergraduatequrfy - Oct 16, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 20, 2015
|Honor Game -- "we are unique no matter what" life motto (Personal Essay)
Undergraduateayaelsaka95 - Oct 19, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 19, 2015
|I love.... fish tanks -- Columbia Essay
Undergraduateaparsons - Oct 16, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 19, 2015
|Personal Statement for Tulane! I'm struggling with coming up with something engaging!
UndergraduateKsmith123 - Oct 15, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 19, 2015
|My Dinosaur Bone Essay for Caltech - I don't think I am expressing myself well enough (help!)
3 - Marcelo, as I read through your essay, I felt your interest in things that can bring a lot of...
UndergraduateJetninja - Oct 15, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 19, 2015
|Eternal Happiness. A choice from the activities section of a Common Application
4 - Alaina, with the restrictions of the word count, I suggest that you go straight to the point of what...
Undergraduateasinch - Oct 14, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 19, 2015
|Proclaiming Myself as a Red Fox (Marist Supplement Essay)
3 - - I find that Marist is highly invested - in their students'( an apostrophe is not needed in the...
UndergraduateRthayer623 - Oct 15, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 19, 2015
|HKU Personal Statement: If I could have one superpower, I would want to read other people's minds
2 - Angel, I like the slant that you have about "reading people's minds". It is something that resonates with people...
Undergraduateangelwu - Oct 18, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 19, 2015
|The fate of a nation lies in their diet! - Cornell CALS Supplemental Essay - Needs Help in Reviewing
2 - Jeremy, this essay is quite good. But the introduction is too long and needs to be cut down. The...
UndergraduateJJREDICK - Oct 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 17, 2015
|Required 'Lifetime goals and extracirricular activities' essay
2 - Michael, what is the maximum word count for your response? The reason I ask is because you don't really...
Undergraduatetheninjacrab - Oct 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 17, 2015
|"Shortcomings in Mental Healthcare" UW Madison Application
3 - 1st paragraph - attention to the media circus 3rd paragraph - Around 25% of ourthe homeless community suffer...
UndergraduateMzimo - Oct 14, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 17, 2015
|Why Georgia Tech? - An aspiring entrepreneur and engineer
6 - Well, I quickly run into your essay, first of all, do not abbreviate or shorten the words specially if...
UndergraduateTheJainMan - Oct 12, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 16, 2015
|I thought I could take on Chuck Norris, and I'm the pure reincarnation of Bruce Lee - Common App
Undergraduatellama24 - Oct 13, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 16, 2015
|Georgia Tech acceptance essay (Max: 150 words) - such a great college that's so close to my home
Undergraduatejoshuav523 - Oct 13, 2015 / aikoashiya - Oct 16, 2015
|Religion holds a lot of mysteries where the world would never know - CommonApp Essay Prompt 3
6 - I'm really sad to hear that Andrew. While I understand your mother's point of view, I also know, from...
Undergraduatealtran16 - Oct 14, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 15, 2015
|SHOPPING IN THE GROCERY STORE - tortured by choice dillemmas
Undergraduateshjeong - Oct 11, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 15, 2015
|Transfer Essay for the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign " All of the most successful..."
2 - Prong, you need to focus your essay equally on your academic goals and professional aspirations. Therefore, you will need...
UndergraduateProngolman - Oct 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 15, 2015
|I AM STARING AT INFINITY - Essay for Film Studies
Undergraduatealimf95 - Oct 2, 2015 / alimf95 - Oct 15, 2015
|With ardor and devotion - Amore ac Studio. Bates supplement essay
4 - For one, the grammar is a little sloppy. i.e: try not to start the sentence with But and instead...
Undergraduatesamriddhakc - Oct 13, 2015 / aikoashiya - Oct 13, 2015
|Oliver! - my treasured jeep patriot who gets my credit for facilitating my transition into adulthood
4 - Janice, the opinion of your teacher may be that your topic is arrogant. However, not all people share the...
Undergraduatejs0116 - Oct 13, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 13, 2015
|A Reflection Across History
5 - Well Kevin, since you decided to incorporate this essay to your other application, bear in mind the following; ...
Undergraduatekev46p - Oct 6, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 13, 2015
|UChicago Essay Prompt: "Find X". (Wrote about my passion for computers and patterns)
4 - Mohammad, your essay is such a good read, you were able to mix two worlds together, the "X" as...
UndergraduateOutlooker - Oct 11, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 13, 2015
|My intended major is Informatics and I hope to focus on Human Computer Interaction. UC Irvine essay
4 - Muhammad, as much it is stated in the first sentence of your essay that Informatics id indeed your target...
Undergraduatemnh78614 - Oct 11, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 13, 2015
|Busy and the most sensitive summer 15 when something had been changed - Personal Essay
9 - thank you...
Undergraduatealimf95 - Oct 3, 2015 / alimf95 - Oct 12, 2015
|An activist of veganism - College Application Essay / Following The Prompt?
Undergraduatemack1738 - Sep 28, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2015
|Non-Academics That I Have Learned Through Academics University of Texas at Austin App Essay
4 - If I did not have this competitiveness I do not think I would have excelled so much in academics...
Undergraduatemack1738 - Sep 28, 2015 / harshini elath - Oct 12, 2015
|pb&j's - Peanut butter jelly! Common app essay
2 - Janice, you are way off the mark with this essay. The prompt wants you to discuss a specific moment...
Undergraduatejs0116 - Oct 12, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2015
|"Study for the benefit of others. Why not change the world?" Boston College Supplement
2 - Janice, what is the word count limit on this essay? There is actually a whole portion of the essay...
Undergraduatejs0116 - Oct 12, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2015
|Why Georgia Tech? As a student who values hard work and ingenuity, challenges don't frighten me.
UndergraduateTDavenport - Oct 11, 2015 / TDavenport - Oct 12, 2015
|Why Yale? I am instantly welcomed into what will become my future support system.
UndergraduateEnnArr - Oct 11, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 12, 2015
|To envision a great space and create an atmosphere to better the overall health and the safety
8 - @carol, with the collaboration of EF contributors and your initial article, I believe you should be able to submit...
Undergraduatecarolaphlaka - Oct 7, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 12, 2015
|To be a Mandarin Language Teaching Volunteer abroad
3 - Bian, before any grammar corrections are made to your essay, we first need to know what it is that...
UndergraduateChelseablq - Oct 12, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2015
|I'm proud of my accomplishments because I know that I have made a difference in people's lives.
Undergraduatemissheart - Oct 10, 2015 / missheart - Oct 11, 2015
|Fixing the US Education System (Entrance essay)
4 - Sam, the first thing I wanted to know when I started reading your essay was, what is your position...
Undergraduatesdenby - Oct 10, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 11, 2015
|Why GIT short response max 150 words - Georgia Tech is the perfect school for me.
4 - Lucy, I think that you can have a more focused response to essay prompt. I believe you are going...
UndergraduateCC98 - Oct 9, 2015 / vangiespen - Oct 11, 2015
|'tough road filled with temptations' - UW-Madison Statement one
Undergraduatejm7685 - Oct 10, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 10, 2015
|My performance in the Talent Show and further competitions - meaningful talent essay
11 - @davidy, the word "suddenly" is fine, it's an addition to your essay and it makes it feel urgent and...
Undergraduatedavidy - Oct 8, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 10, 2015
|If you had one do-over in life, what would it be? UNC ESSAY.
Undergraduateharrisong - Oct 10, 2015 / justivy03 - Oct 10, 2015
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