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|University of Minnesota (Twin cities) Why am I applying for chemical engineering?
3 - You need to answer the question specifically what your career goals are. Like what you hope to accomplish with...
Undergraduatemyngoc311 - Jan 27, 2015 / smunoz23 - Jan 31, 2015
|Describe a group project or experience that required collaboration - Soccer
2 - My obsession with soccer taught me a lot of real life lessons. For the past few years have played...
Undergraduatedulguun - Jan 30, 2015 / Vns9x - Jan 31, 2015
|Acting altruistic has allowed me to make the decision of making selflessness into a career.
4 - I can't afford to give any more advice away for free, other than this: Do you want the tired,...
Undergraduatebaileywashere2 - Jan 31, 2015 / bshieldsnc - Jan 31, 2015
|Nursing my way back to school - University of Washington Transfer Personal Statement
3 - New Version (Unfinished) Good design has to do more than just meticulously shaping the outside; rather it has...
Undergraduatejeffoh93 - Jan 19, 2015 / jeffoh93 - Jan 31, 2015
|U of M essay; After I graduate from high school, I had a 9 months term before entering to college.
2 - tenses are used incorrectly. You should begin with after I graduated (because you are talking about your past,...
Undergraduategksrnrdls11 - Jan 30, 2015 / confusee123 - Jan 31, 2015
|I close my eyes and see blue skies and luxuriant trees.I see sunlight and a sense of vitality...
3 - Thank you!!!!...
Undergraduateash__sin - Jan 7, 2015 / ash__sin - Jan 29, 2015
|Social Media and reflection - my stand on it and why university prompt
3 - Hopefully this answers the prompt, as the deadline is in 2 days. Any help on grammar, sentence structure,...
UndergraduateArachnid - Jan 26, 2015 / Arachnid - Jan 29, 2015
|'Chemistry and Psychology' - Waitlist Essay for UC Davis
Undergraduatepttash16 - Mar 25, 2012 / eftekharizade - Jan 29, 2015
|The older I become, the more I realize how attitude has an impact on life. Perfect for FIT
2 - On you third paragraph I would focus more on specifics. Give examples of (fashion show, or others you listed)...
Undergraduatemiltride - Jan 28, 2015 / bpierron67 - Jan 28, 2015
|"In the beginning was the boy" - CommonApp (too informal/ironic?)
2 - Brilliant approach but what prompt are you answering? It's great and i hope it answers the question being asked....
UndergraduateDerpina357 - Jan 1, 2012 / Prinz18 - Jan 27, 2015
|Despite the wide selection of universities, my choice was The American University in Cairo.
3 - Your first two paragraphs sound more like a brochure trying to sell the university than an insightful look into...
Undergraduateomarsamahy - Jan 27, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 27, 2015
|After I graduate, I will go back to my country and assist my aunt in managing her company.
2 - Yang, please consider revising your essay to cover the prompt in a more proper manner. The essay is not...
Undergraduatebilibili - Jan 26, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 27, 2015
|College Vs Career in Music: Why TRANSFER?
2 - There is information in your essay that should not be there at the moment. Trivia about the connection between...
UndergraduateCherryPac18 - Mar 18, 2013 / vangiespen - Jan 26, 2015
|My dad met with an accidents; Cornell/ Related experiences influenced my major
2 - Overall an effective essay in the sense that it clearly states the life experiences that you have head which...
Undergraduatej814wong - Jan 1, 2013 / vangiespen - Jan 26, 2015
|Youths against Racism Conference. I decided to be the answer to the problem.
2 - JJ, what prompt are you trying to respond to with this statement? It would help me get a better...
UndergraduateJJLee - Jan 26, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 26, 2015
|If you're going to survive in this world, you need to love something, and work hard at it
2 - I would not change anything content wise Kingsley. The essay really responds very well to the prompt. If I...
Undergraduatenotsojaded - Jan 26, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 26, 2015
|I was born in Toronto Canada, into a very troubled and unfortunate family; reasons for transferring
4 - Since you have now made it clear that you are trying to transfer to another university from your community...
Undergraduatemheshmati - Jan 25, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 25, 2015
|...I would continue leading my Science Club - one of the activities
2 - Work more on the inspiration angle of your statement. Explain how the program inspired you to pursue STEM to...
UndergraduateKami890 - Jan 24, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 24, 2015
|"When you're curious, you find lots of interesting things to do"
UndergraduateLeandra20 - Jan 22, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 24, 2015
|As the time progress, my body is struggling to handle the weight, empowered by the gravity.
2 - You should place the reference to the gym as the place that you feel most content somewhere at the...
UndergraduateArlind - Jan 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 24, 2015
|Outstanding character: volunteer helping my church leaders in any paperwork / joining lacrosse team
2 - Isabel, you took the meaning of the prompt too generally. Do not offer a generalized description of the way...
UndergraduateIfranco - Jan 24, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 24, 2015
|I felt a small spark kindle inside me - Application Essay for Summer Biotechnology Program
UndergraduateBioCat - Jan 19, 2015 / BioCat - Jan 23, 2015
|"For any of you struggling to find your niche, do yourself a favor and think back to your childhood"
4 - Anyone else who will do more than scan my essay and give advice that makes no sense???? I need...
Undergraduateamandamayet - Jan 21, 2015 / amandamayet - Jan 23, 2015
|'Competitive girl' - Lacrosse - personal essay / narrative to proofread (it also needs to be longer)
Undergraduateabgalpal101 - Jan 21, 2015 / abgalpal101 - Jan 22, 2015
|Common App essay- tell me if this is INTERESTING OR BORING. Thats all i want...
UndergraduateJYKHSH - Jan 22, 2015 / kibz95 - Jan 22, 2015
|My father always told me that Grades don't test my Intelligence
UndergraduateEnchantress07 - Jan 20, 2015 / Enchantress07 - Jan 22, 2015
|"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness" - An issue important to you
Undergraduateyoman316 - Jan 21, 2015 / yoman316 - Jan 21, 2015
|During my childhood, I was raised in a city of Bekasi in Indonesia; review for APU University Essay
3 - Hello Anthony, for you information, the university application administrator have all your records in their file. So you really...
UndergraduateAndreAA - Jan 20, 2015 / kibz95 - Jan 21, 2015
|First generation US-born citizen - Texas
Undergraduateyoman316 - Jan 21, 2015 / admission2012 - Jan 21, 2015
|3 minutes glory on stage, 10 years of hard work off the stage - essay about educational gap.
5 - but the conflict didn't involve me, but the thing happens afterward involved me, and I've learned something from that...
Undergraduatealphonse95 - Jan 20, 2015 / alphonse95 - Jan 20, 2015
|Discovering an interest in accounting - UTexas Statement of Purpose
2 - - I can see your problem. This particular portion is quite generic in feel and substance. Rather than...
Undergraduateblind527 - Jan 9, 2011 / vangiespen - Jan 20, 2015
|Since childhood, I heard a quote "Hard work is the key to success" from every successful person.
2 - Kindly clarify the common app essay prompt that you are trying to respond to with this narrative. It seems...
Undergraduatesaurabh112 - Jan 20, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 20, 2015
|My initial interest in naval service came from the death of my Tata
Undergraduatemnulk100 - Aug 4, 2013 / vangiespen - Jan 20, 2015
|People learn more by watching TV - the news updates incessantly feeds information to its watchers
Undergraduatekibz95 - Jan 19, 2015 / ah_zafari - Jan 20, 2015
|How a trillion cells function every day, every minute, every second to keep me alive? NUS essay
Undergraduatekmouli97 - Jan 17, 2015 / kmouli97 - Jan 19, 2015
|Man's tears. From earliest childhood, I had always tried not to show tears in front of people.
6 - I honestly think your essay is very good. But I'm not so sure that it's completely relevant to the...
Undergraduateksyar2001 - Jan 17, 2015 / kmouli97 - Jan 19, 2015
|"I am the eagle and the honey-bee" - Rice perspective
2 - Hello Mr. Gull. Well done. I had fun reading this essay because I can relate to your thoughts. We...
Undergraduatesg120 - Dec 31, 2011 / kibz95 - Jan 19, 2015
|'perception of life and death'- Quest Bridge Essay - Need Revision
2 - Okay, this particular essay that you wrote does not respond to the prompt at all. What you wrote, in...
UndergraduateGuest - Sep 20, 2012 / vangiespen - Jan 19, 2015
|'Breaker / Just Go Back' - Common App Personal Statement
2 - Aside from the grammatical errors that need to be corrected (I'll point those out below), you have written a...
UndergraduateCIEL - Oct 21, 2012 / vangiespen - Jan 19, 2015
|there is a world beyond the classroom / my way of seeking social responsibility
3 - Thanks, I appreciate the feedback. I was hoping that since I'm still active as a mentor that tutoring would...
UndergraduateMisakaMikoto - Jan 18, 2015 / MisakaMikoto - Jan 19, 2015
|UBC application mini essay - in order to obtain fulfillment in life, you need to expand your horizon
3 - Ni Hao Lu HuiDong xue sheng (I've spent several years in China as well. I thought you were Chinese...
Undergraduatehuidong lu - Jan 19, 2015 / kibz95 - Jan 19, 2015
|Cultural Understanding, Academic Elements and History - UnUW international transfer Writing Section
2 - Hello Ms. Harwa. First, well done! You applied all the details you needed to put but sadly, in my...
Undergraduatehawoortie - Jan 18, 2015 / kibz95 - Jan 19, 2015
|"The healthiest competition occurs when average people win by putting above average effort"
UndergraduateBurki - Jan 18, 2015 / Burki - Jan 19, 2015
|why usc? essay, already submitted but considering re-using basic topic
2 - The latter part of your essay that truly deals with the reasons you consider USC the university for you...
Undergraduatejjadventure - Jan 21, 2013 / vangiespen - Jan 18, 2015
|I completely failed, just as I had predicted; UC -OVERCOMING FAILURE
2 - One of the important factors that need to be represented in this essay is the method by which the...
Undergraduateiluvchocalate13 - Nov 28, 2013 / vangiespen - Jan 18, 2015
|COMMON APP ESSAY about three things to take from a burning house.
Undergraduaterpendyala - Dec 25, 2011 / vangiespen - Jan 18, 2015
|Diversity: Be Grateful For It - Common Application Essay for Boston University
2 - Your essay is quite theoretical and academic in nature. While the prompt does allow you some room for personal...
Undergraduateakitarane - Nov 27, 2009 / vangiespen - Jan 18, 2015
|Boarding school essay--Choate. Tell us how this trait or value came to be or has been developed
2 - While this is a highly developed essay, it lacks one main feature. There is no paragraph that refers the...
Undergraduatebobcat123 - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Jan 18, 2015
|"I Made It" The feeling when crossing the finish line after a race sends me into complete bliss. NYU
2 - Your third paragraph is just a shorter redundancy of your second paragraph. Either delete it or reword it to...
Undergraduatejbueno - Jan 18, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 18, 2015
|Academia is a major connection point between people. USC college essay 250 word short essay.
4 - Your essay is pretty off topic, you don't even begin to answer the prompt until the last third of...
Undergraduatecreneu - Dec 1, 2014 / MisakaMikoto - Jan 18, 2015
|Building homes/ comprehensive learning; WHY NJIT?
2 - Pedro, it is really hard to judge your written work at this point because you did not provide the...
Undergraduate1995pedro - Jan 7, 2013 / vangiespen - Jan 18, 2015
|Extracurricular Elaboration And Such -- Science Bowl Oh My God It's Growing Tentacle
2 - Casey, it is hard to determine what the actual essay prompt is for this piece of work because you...
UndergraduatecaseySchooling - Oct 18, 2012 / vangiespen - Jan 18, 2015
|When I was three years old, my parents left me and my sister to our grandparents and came to the USA
UndergraduateBoa503 - Nov 26, 2014 / Burki - Jan 18, 2015
|'wisely and dynamic environment', 'my intelligence as a student and thinker' - Transfer essay
3 - This sounds way too similar to the last paragraph of my UW transfer essay draft that I posted three...
Undergraduateharvard_v - Jan 18, 2015 / gmact61 - Jan 18, 2015
|As I study anthropology, my perspective on the human condition shifts. UNCW admission essay
2 - The whole essay is really quite insightful and strong. You have managed to portray your well rounded interest in...
UndergraduateJDO3689 - Jan 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 18, 2015
|My achievements - I currently maintain a hydroponics lab at a local PAL.
2 - You don't need to talk about your achievements in this essay. When you are asked "What can you offer...
Undergraduateonesliceofham - Jan 1, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
|Readmission Essay; 'I have identified and learned from the mistakes I made'
2 - You can't really use this essay at this point because it does not properly respond to the prompt provided....
UndergraduateWhatsInAname - Jun 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
|"Collin, you look like a monk" Culture in my life - Princeton Supplement!
2 - Your fourth paragraph in my opinion, should reflect upon the value of this culture of acceptance became a valuable...
Undergraduatecollindching - Jan 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
|Miral School and smile - Williams College Supplement
2 - Lilly, you almost had the prompt excellently answered with the first part. Then you went flash forward by 2...
Undergraduatelilly1218 - Jan 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
|Bless them!; Transfer Grinnell College(Place, People, Culture)
2 - First things first. You need to mention the nationality of your parents. Where did your family originally come from?...
UndergraduateChichoTran - Apr 1, 2013 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
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