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|When I was three years old, my parents left me and my sister to our grandparents and came to the USA
UndergraduateBoa503 - Nov 26, 2014 / Burki - Jan 18, 2015
|'wisely and dynamic environment', 'my intelligence as a student and thinker' - Transfer essay
3 - This sounds way too similar to the last paragraph of my UW transfer essay draft that I posted three...
Undergraduateharvard_v - Jan 18, 2015 / gmact61 - Jan 18, 2015
|As I study anthropology, my perspective on the human condition shifts. UNCW admission essay
2 - The whole essay is really quite insightful and strong. You have managed to portray your well rounded interest in...
UndergraduateJDO3689 - Jan 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 18, 2015
|My achievements - I currently maintain a hydroponics lab at a local PAL.
2 - You don't need to talk about your achievements in this essay. When you are asked "What can you offer...
Undergraduateonesliceofham - Jan 1, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
|Readmission Essay; 'I have identified and learned from the mistakes I made'
2 - You can't really use this essay at this point because it does not properly respond to the prompt provided....
UndergraduateWhatsInAname - Jun 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
|"Collin, you look like a monk" Culture in my life - Princeton Supplement!
2 - Your fourth paragraph in my opinion, should reflect upon the value of this culture of acceptance became a valuable...
Undergraduatecollindching - Jan 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
|Miral School and smile - Williams College Supplement
2 - Lilly, you almost had the prompt excellently answered with the first part. Then you went flash forward by 2...
Undergraduatelilly1218 - Jan 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
|Bless them!; Transfer Grinnell College(Place, People, Culture)
2 - First things first. You need to mention the nationality of your parents. Where did your family originally come from?...
UndergraduateChichoTran - Apr 1, 2013 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
|Unrequited; NYU PS; Significant experience/achievement
2 - Okay, you have used some very flowery words and created a highly imaginative piece of writing. However, it is...
Undergraduatekwameampadu - Dec 30, 2012 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
|My desire for success made a significant impact to my grade
4 - Yes. Remove all discussion and reference to not knowing where you would be attending college and the like. Concentrate...
Undergraduatehiatt - Jan 17, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 17, 2015
|If my father hadn't won a lottery for a visa to the USA then my life would be terribly different
Undergraduatejjjjjjaneyyyy - Jan 14, 2015 / ah_zafari - Jan 16, 2015
|A prestigious education is at the heart of all goals I would like to pursue in life. USC Application
Undergraduatenavreetbhangu - Jan 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|Villanova - "one outfit completely altered my own esteem like no other"
4 - Your piece is striking. But it could be improved with words that express exactly what you mean to say....
Undergraduatesavyivan - Jan 14, 2015 / thojoe - Jan 15, 2015
|USC Supplements. From skinny boy to Badminton Varsity Team
4 - You first have to consider if you enjoyed being the treasurer of the Badminton club. If you did, then...
Undergraduatel61696 - Jan 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|A Business Venture; With an industrious nature, I have been met with great success - USC Writing
7 - The essay is alright if you are planning to use it for a different common app prompt. Perhaps one...
UndergraduateMustwritewell - Jan 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|Academic and Personal Elements required - University of WA Seattle Transfer Essay (Autumn 2015)
2 - +1 for deadlifts I think you should focus a bit more on academic history/major and career goals. As...
Undergraduategmact61 - Jan 15, 2015 / MisakaMikoto - Jan 15, 2015
|Helping others is as my second nature - UT Austin Upper Division Nursing Class Application Essay
3 - I like your essay, I think it's full of enthusiasm and energy. As my English grammar is not so...
UndergraduateLonghornGal - Jan 15, 2015 / Acioncion - Jan 15, 2015
|To me, Lafayette is an "oddly sentimental" college, sensitive enough to know what I am looking for.
4 - You are writing essay drafts at this point so you should not consider the word limit yet. It is...
Undergraduategloria0001 - Jan 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|Athletic Training and sport medicine aspects and personal expierence
2 - Let's concentrate on the first part of the essay. Your introduction at this point needs to be edited for...
Undergraduateshelbysifford - Jan 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|UNIVERSITY OF WA PUBLIC HEALTH/HEALTH STUDIES TRANSFER PERSONAL STATEMENT-ADULT RETURNED TO COLLEGE
4 - The keyword here is personal history and educational history / goals. What you should be thinking about are two...
Undergraduateamandamayet - Jan 13, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|VT reasons to be a Hokie
4 - Definitely write another essay for the UT Prosim prompt. That is a common app for VT that is of...
Undergraduatemiraheta - Jan 14, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|"Don't Forget The Lyrics" (A Cheesy Common App Essay About A Bad Audition - Prompt #2)
5 - The first essay has some grammatical errors and transitory sentence problems but can still be considered a better start...
Undergraduatesortiz15 - Jan 13, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|This essay is to know you as an individual, independent of test scores and other objective data.
3 - Yeah! Thank you so much for this. For the first essay the idea behind the writing was my grandmother...
UndergraduateCris2197 - Jan 14, 2015 / Cris2197 - Jan 15, 2015
|Being a native born Salvadorian has automatically injected diversity into my being
2 - Monica, my opinion is that you should go withe the second essay. The one that discusses diversity and offers...
Undergraduatemiraheta - Jan 13, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|Assigned homework; My mark was awful! I felt like crying but I held myself.
4 - i tried to show how much the conflict affected me and contributing to the failure.. in other words,...
UndergraduateAbidK00 - Jan 15, 2015 / AbidK00 - Jan 15, 2015
|Unforgeteful Driving Experience - similar with an episode of spongebob squarepants
2 - The essay lacks a proper reflection upon the way the driving tests affected you. There is a disconnection in...
Undergraduateanwar akmal - Jan 15, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|I crave to pop this suburban bubble, leave my familiar environment, and experience change
2 - Okay. The essay does not really offer the answer that prompt requires. Have you given any thought to further...
Undergraduatesgm0328 - Jan 14, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|The eighth and ninth years of my life were plagued with walkers, canes, and hospital visits.
2 - The story about how your father survived and your family was changed by the accident and the recovery of...
Undergraduatenhasan215 - Jan 14, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 15, 2015
|"Earth to Nicole! Are you there?" - My love and appreciation for music
2 - Okay, when the essay asks you to consider something that you perceive goes unnoticed, what that means is that...
Undergraduatestretchthelimit - Jan 13, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 14, 2015
|Contributing to the Bryn Mawr Community - college with rigorous intellectual stimulation
2 - What you have given are simple introductions to your academic and extra curricular interests. As introductions, these are alright,...
UndergraduatePtiwari - Jan 13, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 14, 2015
|I've spent my time seeing what's happening in the world from different perspectives. Why Lang?
3 - Thanks Kevin! i fixed some of the issues, but please take notice that i didn't abound too much because...
UndergraduateCamilabido - Jan 13, 2015 / Camilabido - Jan 14, 2015
|There came a time in my life when I absolutely hated my mother.
Undergraduatemiraheta - Jan 12, 2015 / miraheta - Jan 14, 2015
|My primary goal is to major in mass communications and get involved in the field of journalism
2 - I don't think your stated primary goal is really the primary goal. : ) What is the real goal?...
Undergraduatebriannaasalways - Jan 12, 2015 / EF_Kevin - Jan 14, 2015
|I founded my first own company at age 15; my main inspiration was the gray city I live in
2 - only the clashing of beliefsthe contrast in beliefs will set forth new ideas While other universities may as...
Undergraduatejbuddenberg - Jan 13, 2015 / miraheta - Jan 14, 2015
|'Computer Science Major'; Co-op program for student internships - Georgia Tech Short Essay
2 - Hi, I think I don't like the word 'boasts' in that first sentence because it has negative connotations. Maybe...
Undergraduaterfmoon - Jan 10, 2015 / EF_Kevin - Jan 14, 2015
|4 feet 10 inches faced, black eyes, brown hair, slender body and a little sense of humor
Undergraduatesohail110 - Jan 13, 2015 / sohail110 - Jan 14, 2015
|Studying in Japan, one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world, is my dream
Undergraduateoui3280 - Jan 13, 2015 / miraheta - Jan 13, 2015
|Why Chapman? Because Leia likes it.
UndergraduateEmelyMorales - Dec 31, 2014 / miraheta - Jan 13, 2015
|A 500-word biography that outlines your educational and extracurricular interests.
2 - Ever since I can connect with reality, my fascination for the Arts was unlimited. If you are referring...
Undergraduateharold404 - Jan 11, 2015 / marissa - Jan 13, 2015
|Imagination - lazing around or dozing off at my grandmother's home
4 - hi @vangiespen, sorry for the long period of absence. i have read your comments and they make a lot...
Undergraduatejacko1985 - Jan 7, 2015 / jacko1985 - Jan 13, 2015
|Linkedin Statement - determination and drive to excel inside and outside the classroom
Undergraduatejuanmarman - Jan 10, 2015 / juanmarman - Jan 13, 2015
|Leadership is one of those qualities that everyone possesses - UGA: Admissions Philosophy Statement
NEW - The UGA faculty has determined that the student body should demonstrate the qualities listed in the Admissions Philosophy Statement....
Undergraduatesouthernbelle - Jan 13, 2015 / — -
|A Reed education will transform me into a more erudite person - Why Reed Essay
UndergraduateJYKHSH - Jan 10, 2015 / jbuddenberg - Jan 13, 2015
|Why Computer Science? (USC). All you do is sit in your room, type "ifs" and "elses", and compile.
Undergraduatemysteryswaggyp - Jan 12, 2015 / mysteryswaggyp - Jan 13, 2015
|I couldn't believe I was getting eyeliner put on me, never had I imagined this would happen.
Undergraduatedfulleriii - Jan 11, 2015 / dozazgirl - Jan 12, 2015
|Where did Highschool go? I feel as if my high school years passed me by in a blink of an eye
3 - I am already aware of what my major goals are that i plan to accomplish during my college experience....
Undergraduatemiraheta - Jan 12, 2015 / dozazgirl - Jan 12, 2015
|From running a company to a yearbook committee - my leadership abilities outshine the rest
2 - ... could not have done it alone. From operating graphic design workshops to giving constructive criticism to proofreading...
Undergraduateacupofcoffee - Jan 12, 2015 / Camilabido - Jan 12, 2015
|Having pink hair for the past two years has changed my outlook on life
4 - You have good ideas but I think they need to be more elaborated on. For instance, how was the...
Undergraduatemelaetu - Jan 12, 2015 / southernbelle - Jan 12, 2015
|Progress in one's life gives a person the caliber to do something for the others.
3 - The prompt is Georgia Tech motto is "Progress and Service". What does that means to you? I want...
Undergraduatehighschoolin - Jan 11, 2015 / highschoolin - Jan 12, 2015
|Someone influential in America - I chose John A. Lejeune. Experience and Initial Interest essay
2 - Your essay is very good so far. perhaps you could explain what it is about John A, Lejeune that...
UndergraduateCSchrout - Jan 12, 2015 / miraheta - Jan 12, 2015
|Dietetics major - "I was no R.D. I was just a daughter concerned for my father's obesity problem."
2 - I really like this, I think this is very well written and keeps the reader engaged and interested. Few...
Undergraduatestretchthelimit - Jan 12, 2015 / briannaasalways - Jan 12, 2015
|I was in a cheering sea of red - my first football game - essay about challenging situation
Undergraduatebriannaasalways - Jan 11, 2015 / briannaasalways - Jan 12, 2015
|"People never grow up, they just learn how to act in public."
2 - The smell of the new dyed walls thatfreshly painted walls conquered my nose, and the massive green garden which...
Undergraduatefs21 - Jan 11, 2015 / miraheta - Jan 12, 2015
|"No In Between", "I want to be different" I prayed - College Essay
3 - thanks for your input! i'm very aware that my essay sounds condescending and pretentious. Any suggestions as to how...
Undergraduatekennedymlhs - Jan 12, 2015 / kennedymlhs - Jan 12, 2015
|5 reasons why VT; study in a foreign country while working in research projects with professionals
Undergraduatestart47 - Jan 10, 2015 / admission2012 - Jan 12, 2015
|While studying at Queen's University, I hope to learn, live, and grow as a student.
2 - Whenever you are asked to discuss your time at a particular program and beyond, you should always try to...
Undergraduatemarissa - Jan 12, 2015 / admission2012 - Jan 12, 2015
|"worst mistakes" - at november 6, 1996 two twins were born
3 - Hi! This is a very moving story. It took an emotional turn in the middle part, which I didn't...
Undergraduatejatochi12 - Jan 9, 2015 / stretchthelimit - Jan 12, 2015
|Borderless World. Globalization is playing an increasingly important role in our lives these days.
Undergraduatekrokus - Jan 8, 2015 / krokus - Jan 12, 2015
|My involvement with MUN. Describe the highlights of your most important achievements, contributions.
2 - To condense this, take out unhelpful words. Writing is always improved when the same ideas are expressed in fewer...
Undergraduateanmay_dhanuka - Jan 8, 2015 / EF_Kevin - Jan 11, 2015
|I seek to be ready and primed for the next big chapter of my life - Common App Essay - VCU
Undergraduateaveiz100 - Jan 10, 2015 / briannaasalways - Jan 11, 2015
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