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|The key to a successful performance by a group depends largely on its dynamic and chemistry.
Undergraduatedeadpoolguy - Jan 8, 2015 / huzefaa - Jan 8, 2015
|Write about your personal and education background and what you expect from a university education
4 - Vangiespen Alright I understood what you meant to say, that I should write about MY idea of a college...
UndergraduateH_Abbasi97 - Jan 8, 2015 / H_Abbasi97 - Jan 8, 2015
|As a child my first favorite big word was paradox. The word offered both understanding and confusion
Undergraduatecollegevzd - Jan 8, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 8, 2015
|I know for sure that I will be a hard worker just like all the current Hokie students.
Undergraduatekevfigueroa - Jan 7, 2015 / rex32 - Jan 8, 2015
|'plethora of times where I thought that I couldn't go any further' - UCF application, influences?
2 - You didn't talk about your successes and why you know yourself a successful person till this last...
Undergraduatekatherine97 - Jan 7, 2015 / ssaallaamm - Jan 7, 2015
|"The beautiful diversity of multicultural enviroment" APU essay #1
2 - The first part of your essay sounds a lot more like a student brochure selling you on the positive...
Undergraduateindonesiaapu - Jan 7, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 7, 2015
|I had few matchpoints. How I met a failure in my tennis career
3 - Your essay comes across as very self-centric and shows the bruising of your ego very well. Letting the admissions...
Undergraduateind1900 - Jan 6, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 7, 2015
|A business degree is safe, right? That was my logic for deciding to study business at Adrian College
2 - The essay is very good. You transitioned between your ideas very well. I personally don't see anything really wrong...
UndergraduateDharrisGBC - Jan 7, 2015 / AndrewB - Jan 7, 2015
|Why Colgate - academic programs and diverse community
Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Jan 5, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 7, 2015
|"One never stops learning until one dies" USC academic interests essay by "Undeclared" major student
5 - Thank you so much for your insightful comments and suggestion! I really appreciate it and I will definitely look...
Undergraduatejinlin18 - Jan 6, 2015 / jinlin18 - Jan 7, 2015
|When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change
2 - Camila, you need not constantly introduce yourself in every common essay prompt that you write. You are not writing...
UndergraduateCamilabido - Jan 7, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 7, 2015
|Change started to take place in my life when my father had to close his lifelong business.
6 - I think you can paint a very vivid picture of the kidnapping, and that may better illustrate the effect...
Undergraduateericpons - Dec 30, 2014 / nkp28 - Jan 7, 2015
|Why UChicago? Curiosity has always been the driving force in my life.
UndergraduateYithian - Jan 4, 2015 / Yithian - Jan 7, 2015
|defying the stereotypes or conforming to new ones?
14 - I think this essay is good, but you definitely can rephrase your words so that it is more effective....
Undergraduatelynn1997h - Jan 4, 2015 / Yithian - Jan 7, 2015
|Georgia Tech's motto is: "Progress and Service." What does that mean to you?
4 - It looks better now. Just one thing: you mentioned that service people are in the mind of making the...
UndergraduateBoa503 - Jan 6, 2015 / jacko1985 - Jan 7, 2015
|Omne Trium Perfectum. Create your own group of threes, and describe why and how they fit together.
4 - Here's the full one. Which i would say is still uncomplete. But well ,thats the very reason i am...
Undergraduatemaximu5 - Jan 5, 2015 / maximu5 - Jan 6, 2015
|I have always enjoyed being faced with new challenges that put me outside of my comfort zone
2 - It seems like it's already well written. You answered the prompt with a great title and supported it. Although,...
Undergraduatejlondon - Jan 6, 2015 / SherlockLegends - Jan 6, 2015
|I come from a community where work isn't referred to as a career, but a job.
6 - Try to join a few of the sentences by just using "where" and eliminating "I come from a community"....
UndergraduateDharrisGBC - Jan 5, 2015 / esslayer - Jan 6, 2015
|Contributing to Macalester community, personally and academically
Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 16, 2014 / sampunk9494 - Jan 6, 2015
|MIT short answers; I'm dominican; cultural backgroung essay
3 - What out for your capitalization errors. You have the word "Dominican" written in small letter when the letter D...
Undergraduatecamcustodio05 - Jan 5, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 5, 2015
|Diversity was something that was not part of my vocabulary until the day I came to the U.S.
5 - Diversity was something that was not part of my vocabulary until the day I came to the U.S. Growing...
Undergraduatemeg33 - Jan 5, 2015 / DharrisGBC - Jan 5, 2015
|Unique integration of a minority female, computer science, and psychology
Undergraduatelynn1997h - Jan 4, 2015 / maximu5 - Jan 5, 2015
|Some people opt for starvation rather than solitary dining
3 - @vangiespen thank you for your comments! i'll fix up the missing words and post up the new draft soon!...
Undergraduatejacko1985 - Jan 5, 2015 / jacko1985 - Jan 5, 2015
|A nurse who fights for the wellbeing of their patient is worthy of the honor she possess
2 - Lindsay, the essay is asking you to discuss the reasons that you decided upon the University of Michigan as...
Undergraduatelinsterb - Jan 5, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 5, 2015
|The welcome atmosphere that I feel the first time I walked in the campus. Why Virginia Tech?
2 - I was counting the reasons that you have in the essay for becoming a Hokie and realized that you...
Undergraduatenikki7 - Jan 5, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 5, 2015
|Only two kinds of people in this world: those who accept change and those who don't
4 - @lynn1997h and @vangiespen Thank you so much! I guess I will have to revise and redo the prompt. ....
Undergraduategreengrass - Jan 5, 2015 / greengrass - Jan 5, 2015
|Music help me to be who i am
2 - This is a good response to the prompt. It does have a number of grammatical errors though. I have...
Undergraduatemjhito - Jan 5, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 5, 2015
|'odd combination of dreamer, brutal realist and pragmatist' - How do you define yourself?
UndergraduateEvangelineLu - Jan 4, 2015 / sampunk9494 - Jan 5, 2015
|I had been presented with the opportunity to go on a church camping trip. UGA essay
Undergraduatesouthernbelle - Jan 4, 2015 / sampunk9494 - Jan 5, 2015
|uPenn essay: just the other day...
10 - Feedback: Very interesting narrative regarding your interests in the first part, although you may have to shorten it...
Undergraduatelynn1997h - Jan 4, 2015 / sampunk9494 - Jan 5, 2015
|A time when I had to tutor a teenager of different background
7 - Thanks for the suggestions vangiespen :) I added the element of the continued friendship with my student in my...
Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 17, 2014 / sampunk9494 - Jan 5, 2015
|Discovery shuttle with crew STS 105 - I have loved aerospace since I was a child.
5 - I suggest that since your career goals are more important to you than PhD in this essay , you...
UndergraduateAndrewB - Jan 3, 2015 / vincenm - Jan 5, 2015
|Bookshelf. I'm more than one person! I am composed of passions, faces, and reflections.
NEW - 1. Johns Hopkins University was founded in 1876 on a spirit of exploration and discovery. As a result, students...
UndergraduateLunarEclipse - Jan 4, 2015 / — -
|it chose me, I hated the fact that there are many new diseases, and I'm here sitting doing nothing
6 - Shaima, we need to know what prompt you are trying to answer with this essay. I am not entirely...
UndergraduateSHAIMA_A7MD - Jan 4, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 4, 2015
|My First Promotion Test - breaking three boards; Taekwondo
UndergraduateAngieTheTurtle - Jan 3, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 4, 2015
|The track. 'I slowly arch my hips above my shoulders and make a quick mental checklist'
4 - The essay is off to a definitely good start. However, it loses it way towards the middle where you...
Undergraduateiweli - Jan 4, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 4, 2015
|Last winter, I participated in North American Invitational Model United Nation.
UndergraduateJichengwen - Jan 4, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 4, 2015
|I zigzag my way back to the pharmacy as I see everyone works in an orderly, fast paced environment
3 - the first sentence of the second paragraph sounds like a concluding statement for the entire essay consider placing elsewhere...
Undergraduatewai019 - Jan 3, 2015 / lynn1997h - Jan 4, 2015
|Mathematically speaking, it means having one left over as a remainder when divided by two.
2 - unique title talk about how being average is boring, by definition typical, etc. the advantages to your situation ...
UndergraduateJesusLM2 - Jan 4, 2015 / lynn1997h - Jan 4, 2015
|"There are no wrong turnings. Only paths we had not known we were meant to walk." CommonApp Transfer
5 - Thanks for the feedback everyone! How about the revisions I did? Tried to focus more on the progression, less...
UndergraduatePeaKay - Jan 3, 2015 / PeaKay - Jan 4, 2015
|Cooking for family - it means the world to me, I won't let that opportunity pass.
7 - Thanks for letting me know that you had already discussed your mom's situation in other essay prompts. That makes...
Undergraduatecosag96 - Jan 3, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 4, 2015
|'Supersize Me' - I spent days digesting information on health policies around the world
4 - Yes, this is definitely a better version than the first draft that you wrote. You were able to successfully...
Undergraduatestretchthelimit - Jan 3, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 4, 2015
|One Idea Question for Application to Architectural Studies in UBC
2 - The biggest problem with your essay is that you are talking about an event in the past using present...
Undergraduatekrisfsy - Jan 4, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 4, 2015
|Tell us about an experience, in school or out, that caused you to rethink or change your perspective
UndergraduateJichengwen - Jan 4, 2015 / Jichengwen - Jan 4, 2015
|I have developed, as a person boosted with self-confidence, motivation and respect - UBC Essay
Undergraduatesaifsre - Jan 3, 2015 / Jichengwen - Jan 4, 2015
|If I had one super power, it would be the ability to control time. Hotchkiss Essay
Undergraduatenarryotp - Jan 3, 2015 / narryotp - Jan 4, 2015
|Common Core-major domestic issue in the U.S - Sophie Davis Supplement
2 - Considering that the United States is lagging behind the other nations of the world in terms of educational attainment...
Undergraduatewai019 - Jan 3, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 4, 2015
|My first orthodontic appointment was the time when I realized I want to pursue a career in dentistry
5 - Thank you for your thoughtful suggestions! I revised one of the paragraphs to hopefully describe the reason dentistry appeals...
Undergraduatewai019 - Jan 2, 2015 / wai019 - Jan 3, 2015
|The old physics teacher and his life lesson...
2 - You can explain how despite his illness he still appeared strong and happy, and then say how that is...
Undergraduatemaximu5 - Jan 3, 2015 / wai019 - Jan 3, 2015
|I unknowingly steered myself into despicable people and lost myself in the crowd.
2 - I am not sure if you really want to be discussing the fact that you previously plagiarized an essay...
Undergraduatekristinaaj2 - Jan 3, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 3, 2015
|Developing new kinds of materials is a significant part of a chemical engineers job
2 - Your essay is quite effective in the way that it answers the prompt. You have provided us with a...
Undergraduatesamkazmi - Jan 3, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 3, 2015
|Firstly, I would look to get a job at a renowned chemical company such as DuPont
4 - Changed it completely. How do you plan to use your engineering degree to benefit society? As a...
Undergraduatesamkazmi - Jan 2, 2015 / samkazmi - Jan 3, 2015
|Diligent, temperate, open-minded, scrupulous thinker, crossover of East and West. Short answers
2 - in the events part, cut off the "there happened to be 2 events" waste of words. "Summer 2013" instead...
Undergraduatemaximu5 - Jan 3, 2015 / cosag96 - Jan 3, 2015
|One "Personal" Word - UChicago Supplement
21 - As I recall, we already edited this essay in the past. Why are you asking to have it reviewed...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Jan 3, 2015
|Unique Flavor to NYU - NYU AD Prompt - What can NYU offer you and what can you offer NYU
7 - Thank you, Vangiespen. I really appreciate all the feedback you've given me. I did shorten the first two paragraphs...
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 29, 2014 / zeeconomist - Jan 3, 2015
|The secret: on the 8th floor of the Michigan University is a place only children are privy to.
4 - I have the same thoughts as Regina on this. However, while we feel confused by the imagery of the...
UndergraduateKasamira - Dec 23, 2014 / stretchthelimit - Jan 3, 2015
|Common App; The word suicide -- as I later found out -- is passed around in hushed voices
Undergraduatejayunch - Dec 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Jan 3, 2015
|Singapore's MRT train - really all you could do is to wait patiently for your destination.
2 - It is good that you can reflect with such detail upon the learning experience that you have on the...
Undergraduatestretchthelimit - Jan 2, 2015 / vangiespen - Jan 2, 2015
|Jade Bracelet - "It's not even modern! Why should I ever wear that!"
7 - Well this certainly paints a clear picture of the central development of your identity. While I still feel that...
UndergraduateDinoRules - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Jan 2, 2015
|A computer engineering degree will enable me to explore much of the world; Life Goals APPLY TEXAS
9 - The new conclusion works very well with the earlier parts of the essay. You have managed to create a...
Undergraduateciennalongwood - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Jan 2, 2015
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