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|The pocket of Little Armenia seems like a place of endless possibilities, but it is still a pocket.
4 - your hook is a little bit confusing with all that about pockets "I was never part of the horrors...
UndergraduateEmelyMorales - Dec 27, 2014 / ctam15555 - Dec 30, 2014
|I aspire to bring a sense of design and structure to as many projects worldwide as possible.
2 - And through NYU, and its many global campuses, it is my wish to utilize its study abroad programs....
Undergraduatethemojo - Dec 29, 2014 / daniellecurtis5 - Dec 30, 2014
|A place of doom, an institution of desolation, a jail of misery - going to hospital
2 - Nice work! I think that everything flows along smoothly, except the first sentence. I find this to be...
Undergraduatesassystressed - Dec 29, 2014 / ryao15 - Dec 30, 2014
|I began my college search during the summer vacation in grade 11.
Undergraduatebalareddymv - Dec 29, 2014 / balareddymv - Dec 30, 2014
|"Where do you like it better?" I can never be able to answer this question - Moving from US to India
Undergraduatesukhjit015 - Dec 29, 2014 / sukhjit015 - Dec 29, 2014
|"I'm Jaques Pepin, and this is fast food, my way!" - Boston college supplement
3 - I actually like the topic. It is different and very sweet. I think you should talk more about how...
Undergraduatectam15555 - Dec 29, 2014 / EmelyMorales - Dec 29, 2014
|I hope to utilize what NYU's schools have to offer to find a future in advertising
4 - In comparison to the rest of your essay, I think your first paragraph is a little boring in comparison...
Undergraduateguyunemployed - Dec 27, 2014 / EmelyMorales - Dec 29, 2014
|"Sunday's donuts" - My dad's fight propelled my ambitions
5 - Really good story. Really nice and there are some great things you have done. Conceptually, it is perfect. The...
Undergraduatecsc789 - Dec 29, 2014 / EmelyMorales - Dec 29, 2014
|Adulthood - a place where I could blossom into the person I wanted to be
4 - For two people who share half of the same genetic makeup, my twin Madi and I couldn't be more...
Undergraduatedaniellecurtis5 - Dec 29, 2014 / daniellecurtis5 - Dec 29, 2014
|I discovered a greater sense of purpose and ardor. I felt at home breathing in the Haitian air.
7 - Okay, that works. Thanks for going through all these drafts with me and helping me create a response that...
Undergraduatefayyzeus - Dec 29, 2014 / fayyzeus - Dec 29, 2014
|NYU Essay! Business environment, JSA, and love of Wall Street.
6 - You are not writing a personal statement or a statement of purpose. That is how this essay sounds at...
UndergraduateChetaki - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|"Have fun", "Relax a bit" - Why NYU? It is because diversity has always been important to me.
12 - Thank you!!!...
Undergraduateadventoor - Dec 27, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 29, 2014
|"Come on man, one more rep, one more!" - Shooting for above average
11 - Thank you and everyone else so much for helping me produce a polished common app essay! I made...
Undergraduateduedateguy - Dec 25, 2014 / duedateguy - Dec 29, 2014
|PRE MID LIFE CRISIS - I think I have already had mine
2 - Okay, as an introduction to your video attachment, I believe that the essay works very well. It has an...
Undergraduatesodugbesan - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|'the element of truth' - "Welcome to hell," Mrs. Clemens chirps. Cheesy Common App Essay
3 - Thank you so much. I was really worried because no one was saying anything. It is my first time...
UndergraduateAir_97 - Dec 29, 2014 / Air_97 - Dec 29, 2014
|A good story starts with a good beginning. Get us hooked in 150 words.
3 - The original work truly reeled me into the story you are trying to tell. Unfortunately we had to cut...
Undergraduatekellymacsnu123 - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|One of the most critical moments in my life was when I fell off my bike
Undergraduatejt9 - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|Ever since I was seven years old, I always watched the Bangladesh news and observed as my TV display
NEW - Please tell us something about yourself,your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to...
UndergraduateLunarEclipse - Dec 29, 2014 / — -
|"Don't trust anyone" my parents constantly reminded me. Mexican Korean - Rice perspective supplement
3 - I agree with Lyra, are you Mexican Korean? Korean American? What? You need to clarify how you classify yourself...
Undergraduatesurfbort - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|I was surprised to learn that such a diverse range of people were educated at Carnegie Mellon
3 - While I agree that your essay tends to sound like you took some information directly from a brochure about...
Undergraduateaquaelmo - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|Carnegie Mellon University provides an abundance of opportunities for students like myself
2 - The essay should concentrate more upon the reasons why you chose to apply to CMU instead of offering only...
Undergraduatesamkazmi - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|"I'm not even Chinese, stupid!" - Identity Crisis; The Common "language barrier"
3 - @vangiespen Thank you very much! Truth be told, I was skeptical of the formatting myself, but I just didn't...
Undergraduategrcpark7 - Dec 29, 2014 / grcpark7 - Dec 29, 2014
|As a child, hearing the term "the good life" I often thought of being enormous rich
6 - The first part of your essay responds to the prompt in a common sense manner. The latter part does...
Undergraduateyaniah1 - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|"Stress-relief baking" - It provides a cathartic release for all the stressful emotions
5 - This is a cute approach to this prompt; I really like it! Maybe, to make it more personable, consider...
UndergraduateHopefulHoya2015 - Dec 28, 2014 / grcpark7 - Dec 29, 2014
|I cringe when I hear others proudly declare that they "aren't like the others"
4 - Thank you so much for your reply! It really helped me when editing! I updated it a little bit,...
Undergraduatemaddie55 - Dec 28, 2014 / maddie55 - Dec 29, 2014
|"Knowledge in service to society" Duke's environment is collaborative rather than competitive
2 - The essay is very well written, but if your are applying to a specific major within the college, make...
UndergraduatePuppytime - Dec 29, 2014 / aquaelmo - Dec 29, 2014
|"I would found an institution where any person can find instruction in any study." Cornell's College
5 - Here is my revised version! I kept a few things from before. I find myself trekking through disparate...
UndergraduatePuppytime - Dec 28, 2014 / Puppytime - Dec 29, 2014
|Numbers are intricately woven in our lives, and do not fail to fascinate us - NYU essay
7 - Your correlation between numbers and your intended major seems a little contrived, to be honest. You need more of...
Undergraduatesonamd28 - Dec 25, 2014 / surfbort - Dec 29, 2014
|I've always had a vision of the life I saw for myself - FIT FMM Admissions essay.
3 - Thank you very much for your constructive criticism, it is exactly what I needed. I will definitely take your...
UndergraduateOrtizsam18 - Dec 27, 2014 / Ortizsam18 - Dec 29, 2014
|Following the same approach and expecting different results is rightly called insanity - Common App
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 22, 2014 / zeeconomist - Dec 29, 2014
|'Nano-revolution' - The possibilities that this holds for the future are endless.....
2 - Thus, the endless possibilities that this holds for the future are endless.in conjunction with the Pappalardo Nanomanufacturing Facility transform...
Undergraduateesslayer - Dec 29, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 29, 2014
|Six problems, ten hours, one computer - My failure at the International Olympiad of Informatics
2 - I felt like the essay really portrayed how you are human, and you definitely did a great job with...
Undergraduatefrenzybenzy - Dec 29, 2014 / csc789 - Dec 29, 2014
|Executing the leadership and innovative skills - FIU Honors is the epitome of academic excellence
Undergraduatesamydelvalle - Dec 29, 2014 / samydelvalle - Dec 29, 2014
|An UCAS and Waterloo/University of Toronto - Why you would be an asset to your University.
UndergraduatePyroMcDips - Dec 29, 2014 / PyroMcDips - Dec 29, 2014
|The education life's journey - How are you incomplete? Notre Dame writing supplement
2 - good overall. Maybe describe some specific examples of opportunities that would make you complete at notre dame. You could...
Undergraduateastew5 - Dec 29, 2014 / jricha - Dec 29, 2014
|My outgoing, extroverted self grew furiously as I sought to meet new friends in my neighborhood
2 - The essay is well written overall but I think that although you answered the part "What can NYU offer...
Undergraduateessayhelp123 - Dec 29, 2014 / esslayer - Dec 29, 2014
|I nearly quit track after coming in dead last in my first race. - Extracurricular Essay
4 - You can strengthen the final sentence by including some reference to the most important lessons that you learned from...
Undergraduatecosag96 - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|I live in a socialist country where the government has a strong influence on organisations
4 - Tammy, you can either make the essay respond to an intellectual interest in Women and Gender studies since that...
Undergraduatetammynguyen - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|My parents noticed a rapidly deteriorating state of affairs inside my mouth - story, background
Undergraduateggbb823 - Dec 29, 2014 / ggbb823 - Dec 29, 2014
|Journalism is not an easy career in Vietnam - E.W SCRIPPS SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM/OHIO UNIVERSITY
Undergraduateprecious_summer - Dec 20, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Dec 29, 2014
|"Social System" - CREATIVITY, PASSION AND INTELLECT SHOW CASE ESSAY / EUGENE LANG - LIBERAL ARTS
2 - Camila, you should open the essay by defining what New School Sociology means to you. That will open up...
UndergraduateCamilabido - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|'Delightful, tranquil, pleasant' - Maya in Nepali means love.
5 - It seems to me that you have deviated from the prompt response at this point. You need to concentrate...
Undergraduatesonamd28 - Dec 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|American bubble - great education, continuous electricity, expansive neighborhoods, and poverty free
4 - Endevvr sounds like a total disconnect from the scientific aspect of the essay that you already established. The essay...
UndergraduateTheJainMan - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|Harvey Mudd can help me reach my goal to provide cheap, yet advanced technology to everyone.
2 - You present a good essay that depicts the problem you want to solve but the essay lacks a sense...
Undergraduatepolik - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|Acrophobia. The irrational or extreme fear of heights - which prompt fits best? How to continue?
6 - Thanks! I tried a different prompt because I've been told the content place is a bit cliché MOD...
UndergraduateArachnid - Dec 26, 2014 / Arachnid - Dec 29, 2014
|LEGO - The urge to create is equally strong in all children. It's imagination that counts, not skill
3 - Thanks a lot for the help vangiespen! I am alredy making the changes you suggested and correcting the grammar...
UndergraduateCharphil - Dec 27, 2014 / Charphil - Dec 29, 2014
|''Who else in your classroom has this opportunity to travel to The United States at this age?"
2 - You need to revise the essay to depict the recent influences that led you to choose Syracuse University. Nobody...
UndergraduateCoco0729 - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|"How I spent $1000 making a fire starter" Common APP essay
Undergraduaterichieard - Dec 20, 2014 / Coco0729 - Dec 29, 2014
|I was born into a global and diverse life - What can NYU offer you?
3 - Hi, you miss the topic because it says "NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold." Therefore, it...
Undergraduatesage28 - Dec 28, 2014 / Coco0729 - Dec 29, 2014
|Speech Impediment leads me to my home away from home - UCF Essay
3 - very strong essay. however, you need to make this more smooth. many "for examples", I think you should just...
Undergraduateno_wayj0se - Dec 27, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 28, 2014
|Keeping my soul - a surfbort original for Rice
3 - Pretty good essay. Rice is a highly academic research institution, so definitely talk about the academics. The transitions needs...
Undergraduatesurfbort - Dec 28, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 28, 2014
|ARRANGE MARRIAGE/ CULTURAL BACKGROUND/ MEHNDI/ IMMIGRANT
Undergraduatesz697 - Dec 28, 2014 / sz697 - Dec 28, 2014
|"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night" Dartmouth Writing Supplemental
4 - Thank you for your feedback, here is the first paragraph with more detail, but no new transitory words. Is...
UndergraduatePuppytime - Dec 28, 2014 / Puppytime - Dec 28, 2014
|We all reach that peak in a day when we feel invincible - my favorite time of the day
9 - Okay, I think I understand now. I still think that last section could be more clear. Perhaps instead of...
Undergraduatertan05 - Dec 25, 2014 / Puppytime - Dec 28, 2014
|You are not here fundamentally for the purpose of completing degree requirements - Why Penn College?
Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|"Krista, look through this performance list and see if its alright" - "Choir? Kermesse? Both?"
4 - Hi Krista, thanks for catching that. Yes, I meant that I am not confident about what you wrote. Sometimes...
Undergraduatekrcheng - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|Time is the currency of life - Dartmouth Supplemental Essay checkup
2 - Keavin, having watched the the show myself, I can understand why you and your friend would end up with...
Undergraduatekeavdarapper - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|See the bigger picture - Library of Congress as an Art
Undergraduatefunnystudent - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|'I felt lost. It was as if I was stuck in a rut.' Criticism wanted on my common app personal essay
3 - Hahaha, I reread my first couple sentences and pictured the whole drug scene and I gotta admit it's pretty...
Undergraduatekeavdarapper - Dec 27, 2014 / keavdarapper - Dec 28, 2014
|Admission's Essay into a Radiologic Technologist program
Undergraduatekesilva621 - Dec 28, 2014 / Puppytime - Dec 28, 2014
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