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|One of the most critical moments in my life was when I fell off my bike
Undergraduatejt9 - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|Ever since I was seven years old, I always watched the Bangladesh news and observed as my TV display
NEW - Please tell us something about yourself,your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to...
UndergraduateLunarEclipse - Dec 29, 2014 / — -
|"Don't trust anyone" my parents constantly reminded me. Mexican Korean - Rice perspective supplement
3 - I agree with Lyra, are you Mexican Korean? Korean American? What? You need to clarify how you classify yourself...
Undergraduatesurfbort - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|I was surprised to learn that such a diverse range of people were educated at Carnegie Mellon
3 - While I agree that your essay tends to sound like you took some information directly from a brochure about...
Undergraduateaquaelmo - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|Carnegie Mellon University provides an abundance of opportunities for students like myself
2 - The essay should concentrate more upon the reasons why you chose to apply to CMU instead of offering only...
Undergraduatesamkazmi - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|"I'm not even Chinese, stupid!" - Identity Crisis; The Common "language barrier"
3 - @vangiespen Thank you very much! Truth be told, I was skeptical of the formatting myself, but I just didn't...
Undergraduategrcpark7 - Dec 29, 2014 / grcpark7 - Dec 29, 2014
|As a child, hearing the term "the good life" I often thought of being enormous rich
6 - The first part of your essay responds to the prompt in a common sense manner. The latter part does...
Undergraduateyaniah1 - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|"Stress-relief baking" - It provides a cathartic release for all the stressful emotions
5 - This is a cute approach to this prompt; I really like it! Maybe, to make it more personable, consider...
UndergraduateHopefulHoya2015 - Dec 28, 2014 / grcpark7 - Dec 29, 2014
|I cringe when I hear others proudly declare that they "aren't like the others"
4 - Thank you so much for your reply! It really helped me when editing! I updated it a little bit,...
Undergraduatemaddie55 - Dec 28, 2014 / maddie55 - Dec 29, 2014
|"Knowledge in service to society" Duke's environment is collaborative rather than competitive
2 - The essay is very well written, but if your are applying to a specific major within the college, make...
UndergraduatePuppytime - Dec 29, 2014 / aquaelmo - Dec 29, 2014
|"I would found an institution where any person can find instruction in any study." Cornell's College
5 - Here is my revised version! I kept a few things from before. I find myself trekking through disparate...
UndergraduatePuppytime - Dec 28, 2014 / Puppytime - Dec 29, 2014
|Numbers are intricately woven in our lives, and do not fail to fascinate us - NYU essay
7 - Your correlation between numbers and your intended major seems a little contrived, to be honest. You need more of...
Undergraduatesonamd28 - Dec 25, 2014 / surfbort - Dec 29, 2014
|I've always had a vision of the life I saw for myself - FIT FMM Admissions essay.
3 - Thank you very much for your constructive criticism, it is exactly what I needed. I will definitely take your...
UndergraduateOrtizsam18 - Dec 27, 2014 / Ortizsam18 - Dec 29, 2014
|Following the same approach and expecting different results is rightly called insanity - Common App
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 22, 2014 / zeeconomist - Dec 29, 2014
|'Nano-revolution' - The possibilities that this holds for the future are endless.....
2 - Thus, the endless possibilities that this holds for the future are endless.in conjunction with the Pappalardo Nanomanufacturing Facility transform...
Undergraduateesslayer - Dec 29, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 29, 2014
|Six problems, ten hours, one computer - My failure at the International Olympiad of Informatics
2 - I felt like the essay really portrayed how you are human, and you definitely did a great job with...
Undergraduatefrenzybenzy - Dec 29, 2014 / csc789 - Dec 29, 2014
|Executing the leadership and innovative skills - FIU Honors is the epitome of academic excellence
Undergraduatesamydelvalle - Dec 29, 2014 / samydelvalle - Dec 29, 2014
|An UCAS and Waterloo/University of Toronto - Why you would be an asset to your University.
UndergraduatePyroMcDips - Dec 29, 2014 / PyroMcDips - Dec 29, 2014
|The education life's journey - How are you incomplete? Notre Dame writing supplement
2 - good overall. Maybe describe some specific examples of opportunities that would make you complete at notre dame. You could...
Undergraduateastew5 - Dec 29, 2014 / jricha - Dec 29, 2014
|My outgoing, extroverted self grew furiously as I sought to meet new friends in my neighborhood
2 - The essay is well written overall but I think that although you answered the part "What can NYU offer...
Undergraduateessayhelp123 - Dec 29, 2014 / esslayer - Dec 29, 2014
|I nearly quit track after coming in dead last in my first race. - Extracurricular Essay
4 - You can strengthen the final sentence by including some reference to the most important lessons that you learned from...
Undergraduatecosag96 - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|I live in a socialist country where the government has a strong influence on organisations
4 - Tammy, you can either make the essay respond to an intellectual interest in Women and Gender studies since that...
Undergraduatetammynguyen - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|My parents noticed a rapidly deteriorating state of affairs inside my mouth - story, background
Undergraduateggbb823 - Dec 29, 2014 / ggbb823 - Dec 29, 2014
|Journalism is not an easy career in Vietnam - E.W SCRIPPS SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM/OHIO UNIVERSITY
Undergraduateprecious_summer - Dec 20, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Dec 29, 2014
|"Social System" - CREATIVITY, PASSION AND INTELLECT SHOW CASE ESSAY / EUGENE LANG - LIBERAL ARTS
2 - Camila, you should open the essay by defining what New School Sociology means to you. That will open up...
UndergraduateCamilabido - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|'Delightful, tranquil, pleasant' - Maya in Nepali means love.
5 - It seems to me that you have deviated from the prompt response at this point. You need to concentrate...
Undergraduatesonamd28 - Dec 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|American bubble - great education, continuous electricity, expansive neighborhoods, and poverty free
4 - Endevvr sounds like a total disconnect from the scientific aspect of the essay that you already established. The essay...
UndergraduateTheJainMan - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|Harvey Mudd can help me reach my goal to provide cheap, yet advanced technology to everyone.
2 - You present a good essay that depicts the problem you want to solve but the essay lacks a sense...
Undergraduatepolik - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|Acrophobia. The irrational or extreme fear of heights - which prompt fits best? How to continue?
6 - Thanks! I tried a different prompt because I've been told the content place is a bit cliché MOD...
UndergraduateArachnid - Dec 26, 2014 / Arachnid - Dec 29, 2014
|LEGO - The urge to create is equally strong in all children. It's imagination that counts, not skill
3 - Thanks a lot for the help vangiespen! I am alredy making the changes you suggested and correcting the grammar...
UndergraduateCharphil - Dec 27, 2014 / Charphil - Dec 29, 2014
|''Who else in your classroom has this opportunity to travel to The United States at this age?"
2 - You need to revise the essay to depict the recent influences that led you to choose Syracuse University. Nobody...
UndergraduateCoco0729 - Dec 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 29, 2014
|"How I spent $1000 making a fire starter" Common APP essay
Undergraduaterichieard - Dec 20, 2014 / Coco0729 - Dec 29, 2014
|I was born into a global and diverse life - What can NYU offer you?
3 - Hi, you miss the topic because it says "NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold." Therefore, it...
Undergraduatesage28 - Dec 28, 2014 / Coco0729 - Dec 29, 2014
|Speech Impediment leads me to my home away from home - UCF Essay
3 - very strong essay. however, you need to make this more smooth. many "for examples", I think you should just...
Undergraduateno_wayj0se - Dec 27, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 28, 2014
|Keeping my soul - a surfbort original for Rice
3 - Pretty good essay. Rice is a highly academic research institution, so definitely talk about the academics. The transitions needs...
Undergraduatesurfbort - Dec 28, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 28, 2014
|ARRANGE MARRIAGE/ CULTURAL BACKGROUND/ MEHNDI/ IMMIGRANT
Undergraduatesz697 - Dec 28, 2014 / sz697 - Dec 28, 2014
|"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night" Dartmouth Writing Supplemental
4 - Thank you for your feedback, here is the first paragraph with more detail, but no new transitory words. Is...
UndergraduatePuppytime - Dec 28, 2014 / Puppytime - Dec 28, 2014
|We all reach that peak in a day when we feel invincible - my favorite time of the day
9 - Okay, I think I understand now. I still think that last section could be more clear. Perhaps instead of...
Undergraduatertan05 - Dec 25, 2014 / Puppytime - Dec 28, 2014
|You are not here fundamentally for the purpose of completing degree requirements - Why Penn College?
Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|"Krista, look through this performance list and see if its alright" - "Choir? Kermesse? Both?"
4 - Hi Krista, thanks for catching that. Yes, I meant that I am not confident about what you wrote. Sometimes...
Undergraduatekrcheng - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|Time is the currency of life - Dartmouth Supplemental Essay checkup
2 - Keavin, having watched the the show myself, I can understand why you and your friend would end up with...
Undergraduatekeavdarapper - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|See the bigger picture - Library of Congress as an Art
Undergraduatefunnystudent - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|'I felt lost. It was as if I was stuck in a rut.' Criticism wanted on my common app personal essay
3 - Hahaha, I reread my first couple sentences and pictured the whole drug scene and I gotta admit it's pretty...
Undergraduatekeavdarapper - Dec 27, 2014 / keavdarapper - Dec 28, 2014
|Admission's Essay into a Radiologic Technologist program
Undergraduatekesilva621 - Dec 28, 2014 / Puppytime - Dec 28, 2014
|Hi Vanderbilt, accept me! An inequality occurred to me when I transferred schools, in my junior year
3 - I changed some portions of my essay around. However, I think that the intro is pretty decent. Im presenting...
Undergraduateadventoor - Dec 27, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 28, 2014
|"Thrill"; I love the thrill of thinking you might die, but deep down know you are safe - 'Best word'
3 - Overall, solid essay. I agree with the above to change the dying segment. I would also add specific examples...
Undergraduatemadzfradz - Dec 24, 2014 / sage28 - Dec 28, 2014
|NYU is college with an ambition, teeming with people willing to make a difference to the world
6 - Very good essay. However, like the people before stated, many unnecessary portions. In particular, the "NYU isn't my first...
Undergraduatesamkazmi - Dec 27, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 28, 2014
|Passion is a necessary ingredient to success, it acts as the fuel to drive a person's ambition
2 - Loved it! You provided an excellent example of how passionate you are in the sciences, environment, and climate change....
Undergraduatemashaba - Dec 28, 2014 / docnp - Dec 28, 2014
|"Ctrl + A" and "Delete". A walk after writer's block~~ CommonAPP essay
UndergraduateDinoRules - Dec 27, 2014 / DinoRules - Dec 28, 2014
|Some people categorize engineers as geeks or nerds. Are you a geek, nerd, or neither? Why? - USC
Undergraduatesamkazmi - Dec 27, 2014 / samkazmi - Dec 28, 2014
|MY STORY - Notre Dame is a Catholic school, so I don't want write anything too violent or immoral
4 - Personally I enjoyed reading the first one more, as I can feel the tensions within the plot and I'm...
Undergraduateastew5 - Dec 27, 2014 / chestnuto - Dec 28, 2014
|I look at the Gym as a place where I can feel calm, and relieve all of my problems and stress.
2 - Although its touching that you overcome bullying, it really is, this doesn't really answer the prompt at all,...
Undergraduateguyunemployed - Dec 28, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 28, 2014
|The possibility of me fully exploring my passions in computer science and the visual arts
2 - I really like it, though, I think from the second half it is much better. The first part seems...
Undergraduatecwashu - Dec 27, 2014 / EmelyMorales - Dec 27, 2014
|High school, the time when the limits of mentality and individuality are tested - UPenn essay
4 - I revised it to make it more personal and engaging with UPenn; however, it's at 685 words and the...
Undergraduateskuzi - Dec 27, 2014 / skuzi - Dec 27, 2014
|BU Supp: For the joint program in International Relations & International Communication
Undergraduatechestnuto - Dec 27, 2014 / chestnuto - Dec 27, 2014
|I value the liveliness of the city but also long for a tight-knit learning environment; WHY BU?
4 - Your essay is pretty good, the only thing I would suggest is adding more things that are specific to...
Undergraduatekrcheng - Dec 24, 2014 / cwashu - Dec 27, 2014
|My sister has ADHD, she was not treated at a young age - STANFORD; S.E. Who am I?
Undergraduatertan05 - Dec 23, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 27, 2014
|"oh crap I messed up" - I felt as if a huge stone crushed me on my back, and guilt engulfed me
Undergraduatekrcheng - Dec 27, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 27, 2014
|I have searched for schools with programs which reflect some of my personal experiences. I found you
Undergraduatertan05 - Dec 21, 2014 / rtan05 - Dec 27, 2014
|"Do something today that your future self will appreciate" - My Captivation
4 - J, we don''t really need the anecdote in this kind of statement response. You need to be as direct...
Undergraduatejbuddenberg - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 27, 2014
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