|Undergraduate [25,739] - page 52 of 429|
|Why Brown? - I find myself frustrated when confined to a single branch of study.
4 - Your essay and the way you wrote it is fine. It is grammatically correct, although I would advice you...
UndergraduateRuxi - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|Dear diary, after consulting Professor O'Brian, I emailed CURF the detailed plan of my new project.
3 - Thanks for the advice. One thing I am worried about my essay is that it is not specific enough...
UndergraduateDinoRules - Dec 24, 2014 / DinoRules - Dec 26, 2014
|My work in WIC didn't shake the world, or even cause a tremor. And yet, I am proud. Columbia essay
5 - How is this for a 149 word version? Growing up, WIC (Women, Infant, Children), a governmental program to...
UndergraduateFullofSeoul - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|... imbued me with a drive to get out into the world to broaden my horizons and meet new people...
4 - I always tell the students not to worry about meeting the word count when they first start to write...
Undergraduateesslayer - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|I had produced a model of the Earth's atmosphere in two transparent containers - UPENN Supplement
Undergraduatemashaba - Dec 26, 2014 / mashaba - Dec 26, 2014
|UChicago, custom prompt. Describe how Mom & Dad are not just an ATM
Undergraduateam291x - Dec 24, 2014 / am291x - Dec 26, 2014
|Tuesdays with Morrie written by Mitch Albom is one of my favorite books - College of Art and Science
8 - Grammatical errors aside, I believe that this is the prompt response you should use. It responds in an expanded...
Undergraduatehuaxiazui1997 - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|As I relax, the chair becomes my vehicle - The library; an ideal space in an imperfect world
3 - Muhammad is right, you have got your tenses mixed up. So you need to sort that out. Either you...
UndergraduateMuazKedir - Dec 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|...lost in the world of digits, stumbling through the intricacies of numerical manipulation....
Undergraduateesslayer - Dec 25, 2014 / esslayer - Dec 26, 2014
|The folder without baby pictures of me that I have never seen before -with a Certificate of Adoption
6 - Hi David, like I said before, the essay works well for a central identity prompt. I really do not...
UndergraduateDavieThao - Dec 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|My quest to become a fully-qualified sound engineer, jazz musician and vocalist; Common App Transfer
2 - Your essay is generic in content and does not really address the reasons why you have chosen this particular...
Undergraduatebenngirl - Dec 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|Applying to Duke was an easy choice
5 - I don't agree with the first part: because of the school's low faculty-to-student ratio and its thousands of courses....
Undergraduateyoshimax - Dec 16, 2014 / TheBestK - Dec 26, 2014
|Contentment is not something to be sought out because it cannot be found. New Year's Eve; commonapp
3 - thanks for the feedback. I was worried it would be too flowery or unclear. I'll make sure to give...
Undergraduatefreedl21 - Dec 25, 2014 / freedl21 - Dec 26, 2014
|Brown is the only university of it's calibre where hip-hop is incorporated into Africana Studies.
2 - Hello, This is a good start explaining what Brown U can offer you. To make it fully effective,...
Undergraduatebenngirl - Dec 25, 2014 / admission2012 - Dec 25, 2014
|"Quaecumque Sunt Vera" - this Northwestern motto represents the way that I aim to live my life
4 - I'm also a high school student, so don't put too much weight on my feedback. I like the thesis...
Undergraduatebigindia - Dec 25, 2014 / freedl21 - Dec 25, 2014
|I used to live my life in a bubble. International Student First Topic of Common Application
Undergraduatecalliope777 - Dec 9, 2014 / calliope777 - Dec 25, 2014
|'Growing up, I was a quiet child' - Amherst - Stereotyped Beliefs Become Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
5 - I think if you put an anecdote at the beginning you may strengthen your essay. Many adcoms have stated...
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 24, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Dec 25, 2014
|Living as someone else's mouth - William &Mary Supplement Essay
Undergraduatekmkmkim - Dec 23, 2014 / kmkmkim - Dec 25, 2014
|MIT ESAAY || WHICH DEPARTMENT APPEALS YOU MOST AND WHY || HELP- need to improve
5 - I revised your introduction to make it only 44 words. Use the rest of the remaining word count to...
Undergraduatejagdeep5171 - Dec 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 25, 2014
|I spent my middle school summers selling our old clothes - Claremont Mckenna Supplement
2 - The start is not gripping. If you're applying to Claremont McKenna the essay needs to be really good,...
Undergraduatedumbnerd123 - Dec 25, 2014 / sonamd28 - Dec 25, 2014
|What experiences have motivated you to study in the Rice/Baylor Medical Scholars Program?
Undergraduatekriokeke - Dec 15, 2014 / kriokeke - Dec 25, 2014
|my transition from childhood to adulthood began when I was 8 - Common App Prompt
Undergraduatekennykenny - Jan 14, 2014 / Unattractive - Dec 25, 2014
|I consider myself a global citizen. I am fluent in both Chinese and English - NYU application
3 - Well there are some typos: [quote = krcheng]I would be able to travel open my mind and become one...
Undergraduatekrcheng - Dec 24, 2014 / xdx24 - Dec 24, 2014
|From age zero to thirteen, I traveled from hospital to hospital - Hardships at a young age
2 - great topic you got there! some minor edits: After his "final" surgery => what do you mean by...
Undergraduateapril97 - Dec 24, 2014 / krcheng - Dec 24, 2014
|UChicago - What's so odd about odd numbers?
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 3, 2014 / Mizz_thinkable - Dec 24, 2014
|"I can now run a mile in 5 minutes in 30 seconds." - COMMON APP
UndergraduatePereirar23 - Dec 24, 2014 / Mizz_thinkable - Dec 24, 2014
|I go to art gallery. I see many art pieces. Personal statement for university
3 - is that the only mistake in this statement? is there part that you dont understand (doesnt make sense) or...
UndergraduateChanel - Dec 24, 2014 / Chanel - Dec 24, 2014
|I went on the stage, sat down at the piano and started hitting the first note of "Amazing Grace"
2 - It might be good to use the word 'prompted' in the essay to show clearly that you covered that...
Undergraduatecookie97 - Dec 24, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Dec 24, 2014
|UVA ESSAY BIGGIE SMALLZ READY TO DIE
UndergraduateMizz_thinkable - Dec 20, 2014 / Mizz_thinkable - Dec 24, 2014
|NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you and vice versa?
UndergraduateSONG297 - Dec 12, 2014 / xdx24 - Dec 24, 2014
|Freedom, Music, Well-roundedness - URochester - Why URochester?
2 - The essay content is great. You started with a strong voice and ended with U. Rochester's greatness. I hope...
Undergraduatecollegeplease - Dec 24, 2014 / rtan05 - Dec 24, 2014
|Transferring to the most educationally propitious institution would be a stepping stone for me
Undergraduatelyhakim96 - Dec 22, 2014 / lyhakim96 - Dec 24, 2014
|Why University of Chicago - Address how desire for learning, need for community is met.
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 23, 2014 / zeeconomist - Dec 24, 2014
|My house doesn't have any framed college diplomas hanging on the walls - my dad is my hero
2 - Indent paragraph Growing up in a lower-middle-class house, in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Peru, my [dad's concern...
Undergraduateelizabeth96 - Dec 23, 2014 / samiisprink - Dec 23, 2014
|Brown PLME - Since I could walk and talk, I have always aspired to be a doctor.
2 - So far, I have not found any grammatical errors. If you want to decrease any length, usually the words...
UndergraduateRuxi - Dec 23, 2014 / sailorjea - Dec 23, 2014
|Extra-curricular activity of being a listener and petition writer - inspirational life experience
9 - Hi Louisa, I don't have anything more to add to the contents to the essay. Please help me look...
Undergraduatevoocatcher - Dec 19, 2014 / voocatcher - Dec 23, 2014
|More than a Ride. I see myself conquering the goals and achievements that I had set for myself
3 - Alright thanks a lot for the feedback! Yeah I felt as if some of the essay wasn't necessarily...
Undergraduatejaark3927 - Dec 23, 2014 / jaark3927 - Dec 23, 2014
|I am not sure of my major, yet, my education is my main priority. Kean University Essay
3 - Thank you SO much! i appreciate it more than anything :) after correcting the grammatical errors/edits you made, do...
Undergraduatesailorjea - Dec 23, 2014 / sailorjea - Dec 23, 2014
|The unofficial Princeton motto comes from the title of a speech given by Woodrow Wilson
8 - The last paragraph sums up the essence of the speech by Wilson and your own desires to make a...
UndergraduateJesusLM2 - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 23, 2014
|Common App - 'three problems solved, one remaining...' - challenged a belief or idea essay
3 - While the problem that you chose to present does present a challenge, it is neither a belief nor idea...
Undergraduatevlad7777 - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 23, 2014
|It's perfect union between my passions of biology and chemistry, and my passion for helping others
2 - Firstly, i really like that you got straight into the nitty gritty - dead bodies, I find this is...
UndergraduateRuxi - Dec 23, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 23, 2014
|Looking back who I was and who I am today makes me see how much I had changed - 'why NYU?'
2 - Coming to the U.S four years ago changed my perspective of the world. It helped me to see that...
Undergraduatemjhito - Dec 23, 2014 / Ruxi - Dec 23, 2014
|Death or life, angels or power of demon cannot separate us, no - Cedarville University short essays
UndergraduateDavidsgjang59 - Dec 23, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 23, 2014
|One arabesque, two turns. Ballet - Extracurricular Essay
3 - I tightened your essay and came up with 147 words. I hope you will like this suggested edit I...
UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 23, 2014
|CMC Supplement: What influence you most in you decision to apply to CMC?
2 - While it is excellent that you can make reference to an alumnus of the university in your essay, surely...
UndergraduateSaruch - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 23, 2014
|Of course, everyone has their ideas; I have many ideas right now. Why Penn essay
2 - Hamza, I am worried about this essay of yours. While reading your essay, I noticed that you were not...
Undergraduateuchihahamza95 - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 23, 2014
|Georgetown Essay- About me. How I became who I am right now.
3 - Dear vangiespen, I made some corrections and changed parts and bits based on your comment. Thank you for the...
Undergraduatexoxokm0725 - Dec 11, 2014 / xoxokm0725 - Dec 23, 2014
|Incline towards economics - without expecting it, the pieces have fallen right into their place.
2 - These are all suggestions, you will end up deciding how you think it sounds better. "Its seemingly interesting...
Undergraduateacevallosh - Dec 22, 2014 / csuarez - Dec 23, 2014
|The Village - images of abundant green and gold rice paddies, sunlight glinting off straw shacks..
5 - What exactly made you choose NYU? There are many unis in New York City. But I love your description,and...
UndergraduateNafisaIqbal - Dec 22, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Dec 23, 2014
|Why Yale - Unique student initiatives/ Yale short questions
7 - I love your responses! But for 2b I think you should be more specific. Like what exactly was the...
Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 21, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Dec 23, 2014
|"It's rare for someone so young to contract shingles, but it's still possible" - I stuck in there...
14 - Here is the updated version. The beginning remains basically the same, with edits appearing in the second half. Still...
UndergraduateFullofSeoul - Dec 18, 2014 / FullofSeoul - Dec 23, 2014
|Church. Just the hearing the word Church brings so much joy and happiness into my heart.
2 - This is really good at describing church and how you feel towards this environment. I get from this essay...
Undergraduatejaark3927 - Dec 22, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 22, 2014
|Converting the Obstacles into Fuel for Success
UndergraduateJesusLM2 - Dec 15, 2014 / JesusLM2 - Dec 22, 2014
|I signed up and paid my five dollar dues to join DECA - College essay for VCU
4 - When you are choosing your common app prompt, it is always best to ask yourself if you have any...
Undergraduatebriannaasalways - Dec 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 22, 2014
|No one had taught me how to reach out to others when in need of help - MSU Application Essay
8 - This is a definitely a better version of the previous essay. The fact that you have actual ideas in...
UndergraduateMKhan - Dec 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 22, 2014
|The failure that I want to relate is connected to the National Olympiad in Mathematics.
3 - I agree with the guy before me. Structuring in different paragraphs would be good. Besides that, maybe writing a...
Undergraduatevlad7777 - Dec 22, 2014 / zeeconomist - Dec 22, 2014
|A look into Culture - it lives inside of us in the form of our senses
2 - This is an interesting take on how a person can be caught between two cultures but ultimately, be able...
Undergraduateyazoo - Dec 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 22, 2014
|'to play a constructive role in educating my society' - Volunteering; ExtraCurricular activity
6 - On the contrary, I believe that the essay ends on a good note if you delete what is currently...
Undergraduateam291x - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 22, 2014
|My life with numbers - I always wanted to solve the puzzle, the mystery
5 - Yes you are correct in assuming that. I will try to do what you're asking and upload it again....
Undergraduateuchihahamza95 - Dec 22, 2014 / uchihahamza95 - Dec 22, 2014
|My community - children should help their families to reduce the burdens
4 - Diana, your main thrust in this essay should be to discuss your place in the immigrant community since that...
UndergraduateDethaiya - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 22, 2014
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