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|"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night" Dartmouth Writing Supplemental
4 - Thank you for your feedback, here is the first paragraph with more detail, but no new transitory words. Is...
UndergraduatePuppytime - Dec 28, 2014 / Puppytime - Dec 28, 2014
|We all reach that peak in a day when we feel invincible - my favorite time of the day
9 - Okay, I think I understand now. I still think that last section could be more clear. Perhaps instead of...
Undergraduatertan05 - Dec 25, 2014 / Puppytime - Dec 28, 2014
|You are not here fundamentally for the purpose of completing degree requirements - Why Penn College?
Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|"Krista, look through this performance list and see if its alright" - "Choir? Kermesse? Both?"
4 - Hi Krista, thanks for catching that. Yes, I meant that I am not confident about what you wrote. Sometimes...
Undergraduatekrcheng - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|Time is the currency of life - Dartmouth Supplemental Essay checkup
2 - Keavin, having watched the the show myself, I can understand why you and your friend would end up with...
Undergraduatekeavdarapper - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|See the bigger picture - Library of Congress as an Art
Undergraduatefunnystudent - Dec 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 28, 2014
|'I felt lost. It was as if I was stuck in a rut.' Criticism wanted on my common app personal essay
3 - Hahaha, I reread my first couple sentences and pictured the whole drug scene and I gotta admit it's pretty...
Undergraduatekeavdarapper - Dec 27, 2014 / keavdarapper - Dec 28, 2014
|Admission's Essay into a Radiologic Technologist program
Undergraduatekesilva621 - Dec 28, 2014 / Puppytime - Dec 28, 2014
|Hi Vanderbilt, accept me! An inequality occurred to me when I transferred schools, in my junior year
3 - I changed some portions of my essay around. However, I think that the intro is pretty decent. Im presenting...
Undergraduateadventoor - Dec 27, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 28, 2014
|"Thrill"; I love the thrill of thinking you might die, but deep down know you are safe - 'Best word'
3 - Overall, solid essay. I agree with the above to change the dying segment. I would also add specific examples...
Undergraduatemadzfradz - Dec 24, 2014 / sage28 - Dec 28, 2014
|NYU is college with an ambition, teeming with people willing to make a difference to the world
6 - Very good essay. However, like the people before stated, many unnecessary portions. In particular, the "NYU isn't my first...
Undergraduatesamkazmi - Dec 27, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 28, 2014
|Passion is a necessary ingredient to success, it acts as the fuel to drive a person's ambition
2 - Loved it! You provided an excellent example of how passionate you are in the sciences, environment, and climate change....
Undergraduatemashaba - Dec 28, 2014 / docnp - Dec 28, 2014
|"Ctrl + A" and "Delete". A walk after writer's block~~ CommonAPP essay
UndergraduateDinoRules - Dec 27, 2014 / DinoRules - Dec 28, 2014
|Some people categorize engineers as geeks or nerds. Are you a geek, nerd, or neither? Why? - USC
Undergraduatesamkazmi - Dec 27, 2014 / samkazmi - Dec 28, 2014
|MY STORY - Notre Dame is a Catholic school, so I don't want write anything too violent or immoral
4 - Personally I enjoyed reading the first one more, as I can feel the tensions within the plot and I'm...
Undergraduateastew5 - Dec 27, 2014 / chestnuto - Dec 28, 2014
|I look at the Gym as a place where I can feel calm, and relieve all of my problems and stress.
2 - Although its touching that you overcome bullying, it really is, this doesn't really answer the prompt at all,...
Undergraduateguyunemployed - Dec 28, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 28, 2014
|The possibility of me fully exploring my passions in computer science and the visual arts
2 - I really like it, though, I think from the second half it is much better. The first part seems...
Undergraduatecwashu - Dec 27, 2014 / EmelyMorales - Dec 27, 2014
|High school, the time when the limits of mentality and individuality are tested - UPenn essay
4 - I revised it to make it more personal and engaging with UPenn; however, it's at 685 words and the...
Undergraduateskuzi - Dec 27, 2014 / skuzi - Dec 27, 2014
|BU Supp: For the joint program in International Relations & International Communication
Undergraduatechestnuto - Dec 27, 2014 / chestnuto - Dec 27, 2014
|I value the liveliness of the city but also long for a tight-knit learning environment; WHY BU?
4 - Your essay is pretty good, the only thing I would suggest is adding more things that are specific to...
Undergraduatekrcheng - Dec 24, 2014 / cwashu - Dec 27, 2014
|My sister has ADHD, she was not treated at a young age - STANFORD; S.E. Who am I?
Undergraduatertan05 - Dec 23, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 27, 2014
|"oh crap I messed up" - I felt as if a huge stone crushed me on my back, and guilt engulfed me
Undergraduatekrcheng - Dec 27, 2014 / adventoor - Dec 27, 2014
|I have searched for schools with programs which reflect some of my personal experiences. I found you
Undergraduatertan05 - Dec 21, 2014 / rtan05 - Dec 27, 2014
|"Do something today that your future self will appreciate" - My Captivation
4 - J, we don''t really need the anecdote in this kind of statement response. You need to be as direct...
Undergraduatejbuddenberg - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 27, 2014
|"Finding my future in my name" - Common App
5 - Considering that you are writing a draft version of the essay at this point, the word count should not...
Undergraduatefayyzeus - Dec 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 27, 2014
|The "helpee-oriented" conception - activity essay for Vandy
6 - Melati is right, the essay does not answer the prompt in the correct manner because you only refer to...
UndergraduateDinoRules - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 27, 2014
|Quashing rumors of women's colleges
7 - I did that with my UChicago essay. I wrote my essay in epistles. There were 10 entries, the first...
Undergraduatechestnuto - Dec 24, 2014 / thethink - Dec 27, 2014
|I was told to use $75 on a nice dinner for my family, and not waste it on applying to top schools
5 - Thanks! I think I will cut that first para out completely or else the second paragraph will seem kind...
Undergraduatethethink - Dec 24, 2014 / thethink - Dec 27, 2014
|Gender Inequality: A complex problem/ Princeton Supplement
8 - Your sense of feminism is quite praiseworthy and I like your idea of connecting your thoughts to things you...
Undergraduateleiya0920 - Dec 26, 2014 / DinoRules - Dec 27, 2014
|I focused on training the muscles I can see in the mirror - it eventually led to postural problems
2 - While I feel the essay has been well-written, topic 2 (failure, and what you learnt from it) looks a...
Undergraduateuniguy123 - Dec 27, 2014 / Guessit - Dec 27, 2014
|I am a righty, born as a lefty. "Lefties are inferior and crazy", I hear my grandmother say.
Undergraduateilovesushi - Dec 27, 2014 / Guessit - Dec 27, 2014
|Why CMU, why? - I'm a person who likes to keep things simple, and life is no exception.
UndergraduateGuessit - Dec 26, 2014 / Guessit - Dec 27, 2014
|Lying down on the snow, I was desperately waiting for someone to notice me and help me; application
3 - Sorry about this repost, but I am unable to edit previous one. So I modify some sentences to increase...
Undergraduatexdx24 - Dec 22, 2014 / xdx24 - Dec 27, 2014
|"Immodest words admit of no defense, for want of modesty is want of sense!"; Favorite Books, Poems..
Undergraduategia - Dec 25, 2014 / gia - Dec 27, 2014
|Informatics Olympiad Prep Camp, how I became interested in Comp. Science
2 - your essay look straightforward and advance in vocabularies but you have to use more useful languages. That's good....
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Dec 27, 2014 / Misstuyet94 - Dec 27, 2014
|Hero turned Viilian - Our relationship is broken beyond repair now - Common App personal statement
Undergraduatespoiledxx - Dec 27, 2014 / spoiledxx - Dec 27, 2014
|"Come! Buy your fresh vegetables here!" - Supplementary Essay for Harvard - Food
UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Dec 11, 2014 / rtan05 - Dec 27, 2014
|basic-yet-profound message - "Why do you want to enter medicine?" Amherst Essay
4 - (PROMPT EDIT) The question was: Please respond to one of the following quotations in an essay of not...
Undergraduateforsche500 - Dec 27, 2014 / forsche500 - Dec 27, 2014
|"Today you are the daughter of the trucker. Tomorrow, I'll be the father of the lawyer."
2 - Honestly, your essay is great and enjoyable. The language is clear, concise, and flows dynamically. Unlike many other essays...
UndergraduateEmelyMorales - Dec 26, 2014 / melramadhani - Dec 27, 2014
|The world I come from is practically non-existent -- visually, at least; Neuroscience UC Prompt #1
Undergraduatefatimakhan - Nov 23, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Dec 26, 2014
|Fitzgerald was my travel buddy - NYU supplemental essay prompt
8 - tidied up the essay and changed it a fair amount, may still change the intro as well, Fitzgerald...
Undergraduatebreeskness - Dec 22, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 26, 2014
|Writing, Enneads, Sandy Shores and Never Ending Learning - Brown Supplementary Questions
5 - Thank you both for your support, have actually revised all the answers bah the family which ill...
Undergraduatebreeskness - Dec 23, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 26, 2014
|Speak up. Don't be so shy. Be more assertive. Come out of your shell - I hear it alot...
5 - I like this essay, this is very honest and personal. However, I agree with admission2012 that you didn't tell...
Undergraduatekunell111 - Dec 25, 2014 / melramadhani - Dec 26, 2014
|My wish to amend my introverted personality is why I believe NYU is the ideal school for me.
Undergraduatewai019 - Dec 25, 2014 / melramadhani - Dec 26, 2014
|'Lego blocks are piled up besides my bed.' NYU supplemental essay
5 - I had this LEGO MINDSTROM set since junior high school. I used every element included in the set. Following...
Undergraduatexdx24 - Dec 24, 2014 / wai019 - Dec 26, 2014
|My free time - hunching over my laptop, with my headphones on, messing around with my MIDI keyboard
9 - Thank you Louisa :) Can you take a look at my essay on extra-curricular activity? I would appreciate it!...
Undergraduatevoocatcher - Dec 22, 2014 / voocatcher - Dec 26, 2014
|We were given forty minutes before 12 noon to explore the town in groups. Central to identity prompt
5 - I don't believe that you can use this for a transition essay response because there is nothing cultural or...
Undergraduatestretchthelimit - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|I could never escape the shadow of my older sister. If I was strong, she was even stronger.
Undergraduaterubyrose - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|MIT EECS - I will be able to become just like the innovators that I look up to.
8 - Due to the current word limit, it is really going to be difficult to spice up the statement. These...
Undergraduatedalalram - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|Their cages were so tiny. I knew things needed to change. Extracurricular activities essay
3 - From what I understood, your extracurricular is about volunteering in animal shelters? You need to focus on the activity,...
Undergraduatemellowmelon - Dec 26, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Dec 26, 2014
|Why Brown? - I find myself frustrated when confined to a single branch of study.
4 - Your essay and the way you wrote it is fine. It is grammatically correct, although I would advice you...
UndergraduateRuxi - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|Dear diary, after consulting Professor O'Brian, I emailed CURF the detailed plan of my new project.
3 - Thanks for the advice. One thing I am worried about my essay is that it is not specific enough...
UndergraduateDinoRules - Dec 24, 2014 / DinoRules - Dec 26, 2014
|My work in WIC didn't shake the world, or even cause a tremor. And yet, I am proud. Columbia essay
5 - How is this for a 149 word version? Growing up, WIC (Women, Infant, Children), a governmental program to...
UndergraduateFullofSeoul - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|... imbued me with a drive to get out into the world to broaden my horizons and meet new people...
4 - I always tell the students not to worry about meeting the word count when they first start to write...
Undergraduateesslayer - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|I had produced a model of the Earth's atmosphere in two transparent containers - UPENN Supplement
Undergraduatemashaba - Dec 26, 2014 / mashaba - Dec 26, 2014
|UChicago, custom prompt. Describe how Mom & Dad are not just an ATM
Undergraduateam291x - Dec 24, 2014 / am291x - Dec 26, 2014
|Tuesdays with Morrie written by Mitch Albom is one of my favorite books - College of Art and Science
8 - Grammatical errors aside, I believe that this is the prompt response you should use. It responds in an expanded...
Undergraduatehuaxiazui1997 - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|As I relax, the chair becomes my vehicle - The library; an ideal space in an imperfect world
3 - Muhammad is right, you have got your tenses mixed up. So you need to sort that out. Either you...
UndergraduateMuazKedir - Dec 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|...lost in the world of digits, stumbling through the intricacies of numerical manipulation....
Undergraduateesslayer - Dec 25, 2014 / esslayer - Dec 26, 2014
|The folder without baby pictures of me that I have never seen before -with a Certificate of Adoption
6 - Hi David, like I said before, the essay works well for a central identity prompt. I really do not...
UndergraduateDavieThao - Dec 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
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