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|"Finding my future in my name" - Common App
5 - Considering that you are writing a draft version of the essay at this point, the word count should not...
Undergraduatefayyzeus - Dec 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 27, 2014
|The "helpee-oriented" conception - activity essay for Vandy
6 - Melati is right, the essay does not answer the prompt in the correct manner because you only refer to...
UndergraduateDinoRules - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 27, 2014
|Quashing rumors of women's colleges
7 - I did that with my UChicago essay. I wrote my essay in epistles. There were 10 entries, the first...
Undergraduatechestnuto - Dec 24, 2014 / thethink - Dec 27, 2014
|I was told to use $75 on a nice dinner for my family, and not waste it on applying to top schools
5 - Thanks! I think I will cut that first para out completely or else the second paragraph will seem kind...
Undergraduatethethink - Dec 24, 2014 / thethink - Dec 27, 2014
|Gender Inequality: A complex problem/ Princeton Supplement
8 - Your sense of feminism is quite praiseworthy and I like your idea of connecting your thoughts to things you...
Undergraduateleiya0920 - Dec 26, 2014 / DinoRules - Dec 27, 2014
|I focused on training the muscles I can see in the mirror - it eventually led to postural problems
2 - While I feel the essay has been well-written, topic 2 (failure, and what you learnt from it) looks a...
Undergraduateuniguy123 - Dec 27, 2014 / Guessit - Dec 27, 2014
|I am a righty, born as a lefty. "Lefties are inferior and crazy", I hear my grandmother say.
Undergraduateilovesushi - Dec 27, 2014 / Guessit - Dec 27, 2014
|Why CMU, why? - I'm a person who likes to keep things simple, and life is no exception.
UndergraduateGuessit - Dec 26, 2014 / Guessit - Dec 27, 2014
|Lying down on the snow, I was desperately waiting for someone to notice me and help me; application
3 - Sorry about this repost, but I am unable to edit previous one. So I modify some sentences to increase...
Undergraduatexdx24 - Dec 22, 2014 / xdx24 - Dec 27, 2014
|"Immodest words admit of no defense, for want of modesty is want of sense!"; Favorite Books, Poems..
Undergraduategia - Dec 25, 2014 / gia - Dec 27, 2014
|Informatics Olympiad Prep Camp, how I became interested in Comp. Science
2 - your essay look straightforward and advance in vocabularies but you have to use more useful languages. That's good....
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Dec 27, 2014 / Misstuyet94 - Dec 27, 2014
|Hero turned Viilian - Our relationship is broken beyond repair now - Common App personal statement
Undergraduatespoiledxx - Dec 27, 2014 / spoiledxx - Dec 27, 2014
|"Come! Buy your fresh vegetables here!" - Supplementary Essay for Harvard - Food
UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Dec 11, 2014 / rtan05 - Dec 27, 2014
|basic-yet-profound message - "Why do you want to enter medicine?" Amherst Essay
4 - (PROMPT EDIT) The question was: Please respond to one of the following quotations in an essay of not...
Undergraduateforsche500 - Dec 27, 2014 / forsche500 - Dec 27, 2014
|"Today you are the daughter of the trucker. Tomorrow, I'll be the father of the lawyer."
2 - Honestly, your essay is great and enjoyable. The language is clear, concise, and flows dynamically. Unlike many other essays...
UndergraduateEmelyMorales - Dec 26, 2014 / melramadhani - Dec 27, 2014
|The world I come from is practically non-existent -- visually, at least; Neuroscience UC Prompt #1
Undergraduatefatimakhan - Nov 23, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Dec 26, 2014
|Fitzgerald was my travel buddy - NYU supplemental essay prompt
8 - tidied up the essay and changed it a fair amount, may still change the intro as well, Fitzgerald...
Undergraduatebreeskness - Dec 22, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 26, 2014
|Writing, Enneads, Sandy Shores and Never Ending Learning - Brown Supplementary Questions
5 - Thank you both for your support, have actually revised all the answers bah the family which ill...
Undergraduatebreeskness - Dec 23, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 26, 2014
|Speak up. Don't be so shy. Be more assertive. Come out of your shell - I hear it alot...
5 - I like this essay, this is very honest and personal. However, I agree with admission2012 that you didn't tell...
Undergraduatekunell111 - Dec 25, 2014 / melramadhani - Dec 26, 2014
|My wish to amend my introverted personality is why I believe NYU is the ideal school for me.
Undergraduatewai019 - Dec 25, 2014 / melramadhani - Dec 26, 2014
|'Lego blocks are piled up besides my bed.' NYU supplemental essay
5 - I had this LEGO MINDSTROM set since junior high school. I used every element included in the set. Following...
Undergraduatexdx24 - Dec 24, 2014 / wai019 - Dec 26, 2014
|My free time - hunching over my laptop, with my headphones on, messing around with my MIDI keyboard
9 - Thank you Louisa :) Can you take a look at my essay on extra-curricular activity? I would appreciate it!...
Undergraduatevoocatcher - Dec 22, 2014 / voocatcher - Dec 26, 2014
|We were given forty minutes before 12 noon to explore the town in groups. Central to identity prompt
5 - I don't believe that you can use this for a transition essay response because there is nothing cultural or...
Undergraduatestretchthelimit - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|I could never escape the shadow of my older sister. If I was strong, she was even stronger.
Undergraduaterubyrose - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|MIT EECS - I will be able to become just like the innovators that I look up to.
8 - Due to the current word limit, it is really going to be difficult to spice up the statement. These...
Undergraduatedalalram - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|Their cages were so tiny. I knew things needed to change. Extracurricular activities essay
3 - From what I understood, your extracurricular is about volunteering in animal shelters? You need to focus on the activity,...
Undergraduatemellowmelon - Dec 26, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Dec 26, 2014
|Why Brown? - I find myself frustrated when confined to a single branch of study.
4 - Your essay and the way you wrote it is fine. It is grammatically correct, although I would advice you...
UndergraduateRuxi - Dec 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|Dear diary, after consulting Professor O'Brian, I emailed CURF the detailed plan of my new project.
3 - Thanks for the advice. One thing I am worried about my essay is that it is not specific enough...
UndergraduateDinoRules - Dec 24, 2014 / DinoRules - Dec 26, 2014
|My work in WIC didn't shake the world, or even cause a tremor. And yet, I am proud. Columbia essay
5 - How is this for a 149 word version? Growing up, WIC (Women, Infant, Children), a governmental program to...
UndergraduateFullofSeoul - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|... imbued me with a drive to get out into the world to broaden my horizons and meet new people...
4 - I always tell the students not to worry about meeting the word count when they first start to write...
Undergraduateesslayer - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|I had produced a model of the Earth's atmosphere in two transparent containers - UPENN Supplement
Undergraduatemashaba - Dec 26, 2014 / mashaba - Dec 26, 2014
|UChicago, custom prompt. Describe how Mom & Dad are not just an ATM
Undergraduateam291x - Dec 24, 2014 / am291x - Dec 26, 2014
|Tuesdays with Morrie written by Mitch Albom is one of my favorite books - College of Art and Science
8 - Grammatical errors aside, I believe that this is the prompt response you should use. It responds in an expanded...
Undergraduatehuaxiazui1997 - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|As I relax, the chair becomes my vehicle - The library; an ideal space in an imperfect world
3 - Muhammad is right, you have got your tenses mixed up. So you need to sort that out. Either you...
UndergraduateMuazKedir - Dec 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|...lost in the world of digits, stumbling through the intricacies of numerical manipulation....
Undergraduateesslayer - Dec 25, 2014 / esslayer - Dec 26, 2014
|The folder without baby pictures of me that I have never seen before -with a Certificate of Adoption
6 - Hi David, like I said before, the essay works well for a central identity prompt. I really do not...
UndergraduateDavieThao - Dec 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|My quest to become a fully-qualified sound engineer, jazz musician and vocalist; Common App Transfer
2 - Your essay is generic in content and does not really address the reasons why you have chosen this particular...
Undergraduatebenngirl - Dec 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 26, 2014
|Applying to Duke was an easy choice
5 - I don't agree with the first part: because of the school's low faculty-to-student ratio and its thousands of courses....
Undergraduateyoshimax - Dec 16, 2014 / TheBestK - Dec 26, 2014
|Contentment is not something to be sought out because it cannot be found. New Year's Eve; commonapp
3 - thanks for the feedback. I was worried it would be too flowery or unclear. I'll make sure to give...
Undergraduatefreedl21 - Dec 25, 2014 / freedl21 - Dec 26, 2014
|Brown is the only university of it's calibre where hip-hop is incorporated into Africana Studies.
2 - Hello, This is a good start explaining what Brown U can offer you. To make it fully effective,...
Undergraduatebenngirl - Dec 25, 2014 / admission2012 - Dec 25, 2014
|"Quaecumque Sunt Vera" - this Northwestern motto represents the way that I aim to live my life
4 - I'm also a high school student, so don't put too much weight on my feedback. I like the thesis...
Undergraduatebigindia - Dec 25, 2014 / freedl21 - Dec 25, 2014
|I used to live my life in a bubble. International Student First Topic of Common Application
Undergraduatecalliope777 - Dec 9, 2014 / calliope777 - Dec 25, 2014
|'Growing up, I was a quiet child' - Amherst - Stereotyped Beliefs Become Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
5 - I think if you put an anecdote at the beginning you may strengthen your essay. Many adcoms have stated...
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 24, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Dec 25, 2014
|Living as someone else's mouth - William &Mary Supplement Essay
Undergraduatekmkmkim - Dec 23, 2014 / kmkmkim - Dec 25, 2014
|MIT ESAAY || WHICH DEPARTMENT APPEALS YOU MOST AND WHY || HELP- need to improve
5 - I revised your introduction to make it only 44 words. Use the rest of the remaining word count to...
Undergraduatejagdeep5171 - Dec 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 25, 2014
|I spent my middle school summers selling our old clothes - Claremont Mckenna Supplement
2 - The start is not gripping. If you're applying to Claremont McKenna the essay needs to be really good,...
Undergraduatedumbnerd123 - Dec 25, 2014 / sonamd28 - Dec 25, 2014
|What experiences have motivated you to study in the Rice/Baylor Medical Scholars Program?
Undergraduatekriokeke - Dec 15, 2014 / kriokeke - Dec 25, 2014
|my transition from childhood to adulthood began when I was 8 - Common App Prompt
Undergraduatekennykenny - Jan 14, 2014 / Unattractive - Dec 25, 2014
|I consider myself a global citizen. I am fluent in both Chinese and English - NYU application
3 - Well there are some typos: [quote = krcheng]I would be able to travel open my mind and become one...
Undergraduatekrcheng - Dec 24, 2014 / xdx24 - Dec 24, 2014
|From age zero to thirteen, I traveled from hospital to hospital - Hardships at a young age
2 - great topic you got there! some minor edits: After his "final" surgery => what do you mean by...
Undergraduateapril97 - Dec 24, 2014 / krcheng - Dec 24, 2014
|UChicago - What's so odd about odd numbers?
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 3, 2014 / Mizz_thinkable - Dec 24, 2014
|"I can now run a mile in 5 minutes in 30 seconds." - COMMON APP
UndergraduatePereirar23 - Dec 24, 2014 / Mizz_thinkable - Dec 24, 2014
|I go to art gallery. I see many art pieces. Personal statement for university
3 - is that the only mistake in this statement? is there part that you dont understand (doesnt make sense) or...
UndergraduateChanel - Dec 24, 2014 / Chanel - Dec 24, 2014
|I went on the stage, sat down at the piano and started hitting the first note of "Amazing Grace"
2 - It might be good to use the word 'prompted' in the essay to show clearly that you covered that...
Undergraduatecookie97 - Dec 24, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Dec 24, 2014
|UVA ESSAY BIGGIE SMALLZ READY TO DIE
UndergraduateMizz_thinkable - Dec 20, 2014 / Mizz_thinkable - Dec 24, 2014
|NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you and vice versa?
UndergraduateSONG297 - Dec 12, 2014 / xdx24 - Dec 24, 2014
|Freedom, Music, Well-roundedness - URochester - Why URochester?
2 - The essay content is great. You started with a strong voice and ended with U. Rochester's greatness. I hope...
Undergraduatecollegeplease - Dec 24, 2014 / rtan05 - Dec 24, 2014
|Transferring to the most educationally propitious institution would be a stepping stone for me
Undergraduatelyhakim96 - Dec 22, 2014 / lyhakim96 - Dec 24, 2014
|Why University of Chicago - Address how desire for learning, need for community is met.
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 23, 2014 / zeeconomist - Dec 24, 2014
|My house doesn't have any framed college diplomas hanging on the walls - my dad is my hero
2 - Indent paragraph Growing up in a lower-middle-class house, in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Peru, my [dad's concern...
Undergraduateelizabeth96 - Dec 23, 2014 / samiisprink - Dec 23, 2014
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