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|I spent my middle school summers selling our old clothes - Claremont Mckenna Supplement
2 - The start is not gripping. If you're applying to Claremont McKenna the essay needs to be really good,...
Undergraduatedumbnerd123 - Dec 25, 2014 / sonamd28 - Dec 25, 2014
|What experiences have motivated you to study in the Rice/Baylor Medical Scholars Program?
Undergraduatekriokeke - Dec 15, 2014 / kriokeke - Dec 25, 2014
|my transition from childhood to adulthood began when I was 8 - Common App Prompt
Undergraduatekennykenny - Jan 14, 2014 / Unattractive - Dec 25, 2014
|I consider myself a global citizen. I am fluent in both Chinese and English - NYU application
3 - Well there are some typos: [quote = krcheng]I would be able to travel open my mind and become one...
Undergraduatekrcheng - Dec 24, 2014 / xdx24 - Dec 24, 2014
|From age zero to thirteen, I traveled from hospital to hospital - Hardships at a young age
2 - great topic you got there! some minor edits: After his "final" surgery => what do you mean by...
Undergraduateapril97 - Dec 24, 2014 / krcheng - Dec 24, 2014
|UChicago - What's so odd about odd numbers?
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 3, 2014 / Mizz_thinkable - Dec 24, 2014
|"I can now run a mile in 5 minutes in 30 seconds." - COMMON APP
UndergraduatePereirar23 - Dec 24, 2014 / Mizz_thinkable - Dec 24, 2014
|I go to art gallery. I see many art pieces. Personal statement for university
3 - is that the only mistake in this statement? is there part that you dont understand (doesnt make sense) or...
UndergraduateChanel - Dec 24, 2014 / Chanel - Dec 24, 2014
|I went on the stage, sat down at the piano and started hitting the first note of "Amazing Grace"
2 - It might be good to use the word 'prompted' in the essay to show clearly that you covered that...
Undergraduatecookie97 - Dec 24, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Dec 24, 2014
|UVA ESSAY BIGGIE SMALLZ READY TO DIE
UndergraduateMizz_thinkable - Dec 20, 2014 / Mizz_thinkable - Dec 24, 2014
|NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you and vice versa?
UndergraduateSONG297 - Dec 12, 2014 / xdx24 - Dec 24, 2014
|Freedom, Music, Well-roundedness - URochester - Why URochester?
2 - The essay content is great. You started with a strong voice and ended with U. Rochester's greatness. I hope...
Undergraduatecollegeplease - Dec 24, 2014 / rtan05 - Dec 24, 2014
|Transferring to the most educationally propitious institution would be a stepping stone for me
Undergraduatelyhakim96 - Dec 22, 2014 / lyhakim96 - Dec 24, 2014
|Why University of Chicago - Address how desire for learning, need for community is met.
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 23, 2014 / zeeconomist - Dec 24, 2014
|My house doesn't have any framed college diplomas hanging on the walls - my dad is my hero
2 - Indent paragraph Growing up in a lower-middle-class house, in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Peru, my [dad's concern...
Undergraduateelizabeth96 - Dec 23, 2014 / samiisprink - Dec 23, 2014
|Brown PLME - Since I could walk and talk, I have always aspired to be a doctor.
2 - So far, I have not found any grammatical errors. If you want to decrease any length, usually the words...
UndergraduateRuxi - Dec 23, 2014 / sailorjea - Dec 23, 2014
|Extra-curricular activity of being a listener and petition writer - inspirational life experience
9 - Hi Louisa, I don't have anything more to add to the contents to the essay. Please help me look...
Undergraduatevoocatcher - Dec 19, 2014 / voocatcher - Dec 23, 2014
|More than a Ride. I see myself conquering the goals and achievements that I had set for myself
3 - Alright thanks a lot for the feedback! Yeah I felt as if some of the essay wasn't necessarily...
Undergraduatejaark3927 - Dec 23, 2014 / jaark3927 - Dec 23, 2014
|I am not sure of my major, yet, my education is my main priority. Kean University Essay
3 - Thank you SO much! i appreciate it more than anything :) after correcting the grammatical errors/edits you made, do...
Undergraduatesailorjea - Dec 23, 2014 / sailorjea - Dec 23, 2014
|The unofficial Princeton motto comes from the title of a speech given by Woodrow Wilson
8 - The last paragraph sums up the essence of the speech by Wilson and your own desires to make a...
UndergraduateJesusLM2 - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 23, 2014
|Common App - 'three problems solved, one remaining...' - challenged a belief or idea essay
3 - While the problem that you chose to present does present a challenge, it is neither a belief nor idea...
Undergraduatevlad7777 - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 23, 2014
|It's perfect union between my passions of biology and chemistry, and my passion for helping others
2 - Firstly, i really like that you got straight into the nitty gritty - dead bodies, I find this is...
UndergraduateRuxi - Dec 23, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 23, 2014
|Looking back who I was and who I am today makes me see how much I had changed - 'why NYU?'
2 - Coming to the U.S four years ago changed my perspective of the world. It helped me to see that...
Undergraduatemjhito - Dec 23, 2014 / Ruxi - Dec 23, 2014
|Death or life, angels or power of demon cannot separate us, no - Cedarville University short essays
UndergraduateDavidsgjang59 - Dec 23, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 23, 2014
|One arabesque, two turns. Ballet - Extracurricular Essay
3 - I tightened your essay and came up with 147 words. I hope you will like this suggested edit I...
UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 23, 2014
|CMC Supplement: What influence you most in you decision to apply to CMC?
2 - While it is excellent that you can make reference to an alumnus of the university in your essay, surely...
UndergraduateSaruch - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 23, 2014
|Of course, everyone has their ideas; I have many ideas right now. Why Penn essay
2 - Hamza, I am worried about this essay of yours. While reading your essay, I noticed that you were not...
Undergraduateuchihahamza95 - Dec 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 23, 2014
|Georgetown Essay- About me. How I became who I am right now.
3 - Dear vangiespen, I made some corrections and changed parts and bits based on your comment. Thank you for the...
Undergraduatexoxokm0725 - Dec 11, 2014 / xoxokm0725 - Dec 23, 2014
|Incline towards economics - without expecting it, the pieces have fallen right into their place.
2 - These are all suggestions, you will end up deciding how you think it sounds better. "Its seemingly interesting...
Undergraduateacevallosh - Dec 22, 2014 / csuarez - Dec 23, 2014
|The Village - images of abundant green and gold rice paddies, sunlight glinting off straw shacks..
5 - What exactly made you choose NYU? There are many unis in New York City. But I love your description,and...
UndergraduateNafisaIqbal - Dec 22, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Dec 23, 2014
|Why Yale - Unique student initiatives/ Yale short questions
7 - I love your responses! But for 2b I think you should be more specific. Like what exactly was the...
Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 21, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Dec 23, 2014
|"It's rare for someone so young to contract shingles, but it's still possible" - I stuck in there...
14 - Here is the updated version. The beginning remains basically the same, with edits appearing in the second half. Still...
UndergraduateFullofSeoul - Dec 18, 2014 / FullofSeoul - Dec 23, 2014
|Church. Just the hearing the word Church brings so much joy and happiness into my heart.
2 - This is really good at describing church and how you feel towards this environment. I get from this essay...
Undergraduatejaark3927 - Dec 22, 2014 / breeskness - Dec 22, 2014
|Converting the Obstacles into Fuel for Success
UndergraduateJesusLM2 - Dec 15, 2014 / JesusLM2 - Dec 22, 2014
|I signed up and paid my five dollar dues to join DECA - College essay for VCU
4 - When you are choosing your common app prompt, it is always best to ask yourself if you have any...
Undergraduatebriannaasalways - Dec 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 22, 2014
|No one had taught me how to reach out to others when in need of help - MSU Application Essay
8 - This is a definitely a better version of the previous essay. The fact that you have actual ideas in...
UndergraduateMKhan - Dec 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 22, 2014
|The failure that I want to relate is connected to the National Olympiad in Mathematics.
3 - I agree with the guy before me. Structuring in different paragraphs would be good. Besides that, maybe writing a...
Undergraduatevlad7777 - Dec 22, 2014 / zeeconomist - Dec 22, 2014
|A look into Culture - it lives inside of us in the form of our senses
2 - This is an interesting take on how a person can be caught between two cultures but ultimately, be able...
Undergraduateyazoo - Dec 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 22, 2014
|'to play a constructive role in educating my society' - Volunteering; ExtraCurricular activity
6 - On the contrary, I believe that the essay ends on a good note if you delete what is currently...
Undergraduateam291x - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 22, 2014
|My life with numbers - I always wanted to solve the puzzle, the mystery
5 - Yes you are correct in assuming that. I will try to do what you're asking and upload it again....
Undergraduateuchihahamza95 - Dec 22, 2014 / uchihahamza95 - Dec 22, 2014
|My community - children should help their families to reduce the burdens
4 - Diana, your main thrust in this essay should be to discuss your place in the immigrant community since that...
UndergraduateDethaiya - Dec 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 22, 2014
|Mayo anecdote explaining a challenging situation
5 - It would be very possible to convert or redirect the essay into a response for a different essay prompt....
Undergraduatemiraheta - Dec 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 22, 2014
|An odd group of friends- Brown University Supplement Essay
8 - Thank you everyone for helping me out! Now I can place a tick next to "Brown" on my supplement...
Undergraduateleiya0920 - Dec 20, 2014 / leiya0920 - Dec 22, 2014
|Taking a risk and moving to Michigan - it teaches deeper knowledge than other universities
2 - OK. The first rule of application essay writing is, never repeat information about the university that they already know....
UndergraduateDethaiya - Dec 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 21, 2014
|"...what else makes you unique and colorful?" William and Mary Essay
4 - really just the very first paragraph about "the dreaded college essay" i like "but that's too dramatic, and dramatic...
Undergraduatedhizzy - Dec 21, 2014 / acrogirl5 - Dec 21, 2014
|Why Gun Rights Are a Huge Problem In Society
Undergraduatelkj6778 - Dec 21, 2014 / lkj6778 - Dec 21, 2014
|'serious familial event that occurred in my life' - I am writing a "what I overcame" essay.
UndergraduateMastodon97 - Dec 21, 2014 / Mastodon97 - Dec 21, 2014
|"This is my best friend, she's going to the Olympics" - I'm lost without gymnastics NYU Supplemental
3 - No corrections to the 1st paragraph, I pretty much see your connection between gymnastics and NYU. Use online thesauruses...
Undergraduateacrogirl5 - Dec 21, 2014 / lkj6778 - Dec 21, 2014
|New York bustles with millions of lives, each contributing to the city's own little universe
6 - It's very good, I would just give a little more about what you can offer NYU. Telling stories is...
Undergraduatekevpang - Dec 17, 2014 / acrogirl5 - Dec 21, 2014
|"The road that lead me to Brandeis University", Originally
UndergraduateTONYTIAN9 - Dec 21, 2014 / TONYTIAN9 - Dec 21, 2014
|"He who stays near vermilion gets stained red; he who stays near ink gets stained black" - My Story
UndergraduateSakifarhan - Dec 21, 2014 / acrogirl5 - Dec 21, 2014
|Cultural shock in Dubai; teach myself a new skill or concept
7 - Dear Vangiespen, I really appreciate for your help. Is there any grammar errors that I should correct in...
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Dec 19, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Dec 21, 2014
|'the invention studio' - Georgia Tech Supplement: Why am I interested
3 - Wow! You actually managed to respond quite clearly, concisely, and accurately to the prompt in a mere 150 words....
Undergraduatesmm816 - Dec 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 21, 2014
|Intramurals. Amateur Astronomers Association. Theater. The question is, what can't NYU offer me?
3 - Your essay sounds more like the brochure for the university than a well thought out response essay. Here is...
UndergraduateSakifarhan - Dec 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 21, 2014
|NYU. A reality come true or just a dream school?- Help on my NYU supplement
5 - Hey, so firstly: I got rejected from NYU-Stern in ED. and secondly, "As a student, my most promising...
Undergraduatespyr0xs - Dec 17, 2014 / am291x - Dec 21, 2014
|"Hey, grandma, I've got something to tell you. I'm going to apply to US universities." Common App.
Undergraduatevlad7777 - Dec 21, 2014 / Maxbradley - Dec 21, 2014
|"Why Odd Numbers are Odd?" - Odd is sublime!
Undergraduatertan05 - Dec 20, 2014 / rtan05 - Dec 21, 2014
|'stop thinking unrealistically' If it's still on your mind, then it's worth taking the risk; Barnard
Undergraduateshnoobidoox3 - Dec 21, 2014 / shnoobidoox3 - Dec 21, 2014
|Glitter (Dance and Culture) - Princeton Supplement Essay
2 - Sheridan, your essay is quite informative and effective. I am just at a loss as to what cultural value...
Undergraduatesinkclap101 - Dec 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 21, 2014
|One particular incident changed me from being self-centered to being sensitive to others.
10 - Rhea, any of the essays can work for you. I cannot and should not choose the essay version that...
UndergraduateRhea97 - Dec 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 20, 2014
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