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|One glance out of the window, I saw the cornfields and palm trees speeding by - Women rights issue
2 - A very intriguing and strong story I feel that the link between your background and aspirations is very clear...
UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Dec 16, 2014 / sampunk9494 - Dec 17, 2014
|Give me a lever long enough, and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world; Why NWU
3 - Thanks a lot for your suggestion! I am thinking of mainly talking about the idea of whole-brain engineer. Cuz...
Undergraduateilovesam - Dec 16, 2014 / ilovesam - Dec 17, 2014
|One thing I can offer NYU is motivation for future students - NYU application essay
Undergraduateandrianna - Dec 16, 2014 / Anfalia - Dec 16, 2014
|'Struggling is what paves the golden path to success'; bring beliefs in the Sikh religion; NYU essay
2 - I really liked the first sentencie, but you only reconnected to it in the last paragraph when you simply...
Undergraduatetrod58 - Dec 16, 2014 / Charphil - Dec 16, 2014
|I have always been eager to go out and meet the world - To inspire and be inspired - FIT essay
33 - It is pretty much ready at this point. In my opinion, you can already submit this essay for consideration....
Undergraduateivnk - Dec 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 16, 2014
|"Peter Pan" - Piece of literature that has inspired you - UVA Supplemental Essay
4 - Thank you both for your lovely suggestions! I incorporated them both and now here is the new draft ...
Undergraduatesage28 - Dec 15, 2014 / sage28 - Dec 16, 2014
|The Power of Powerlessness application essay
4 - Alina, I am not a medical professional so I cannot advice you on those medical terms. If you used...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Dec 15, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 16, 2014
|Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it - MIT ESSAY; BUSY LIFE AND ACTIVITY
7 - The essay you edited it good for the limited word count, but I have rearranged a few sentences to...
Undergraduatejagdeep5171 - Dec 14, 2014 / sage28 - Dec 16, 2014
|Carleton is powered my wind turbines. What empowers you? supplement essay
Undergraduategia - Dec 15, 2014 / gia - Dec 16, 2014
|I was waiting to fall in love, and my visit to Duke flipped me head-over-heels; supplement essay
5 - I think you need to be more specific. If you can replace the word duke with another colleges name,that...
Undergraduatetaura - Dec 15, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Dec 16, 2014
|Collaborative Residential Community - how it inspires and draws me to Bates
5 - Thank you for helping me proofread! I appreciate your feedback and it really has been valuable to me!...
Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 14, 2014 / sampunk9494 - Dec 15, 2014
|Why Swarthmore - commitment for diversity of opinions
Undergraduatesampunk9494 - Dec 15, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 15, 2014
|Briefly describe a non-academic pursuit that best illustrates who you are, and why it is important
6 - Vanika. you actually have an interesting non-academic pursuit. The problem, is that most of the essay dealt with the...
UndergraduateVee15 - Dec 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 15, 2014
|Yale - reflect on something you would like us to know about you
4 - Hi, your grammar is fine throughout the essay. When you explained the deliberate steps you've taken after you...
Undergraduatefrodosb - Dec 14, 2014 / sampunk9494 - Dec 15, 2014
|I was never interested in college because I had no aim in life. Common App Transfer Essay
5 - Another way of writing this essay, in order to place a positive spin on your community college experience would...
UndergraduatePanda29 - Dec 13, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 14, 2014
|"Duality". The 'Why Columbia?' Supplement Essay Tips?
13 - Wow, thank you so much. Really, I couldn't have done it without your guidance. Don't apologize for coming...
UndergraduateFullofSeoul - Dec 1, 2014 / FullofSeoul - Dec 14, 2014
|Education has always been a bit of a delicate matter in the Aziz household; Common App prompt 1.
2 - Proper feedback and scoring may only be provided one you supply the essay prompt. Right now we can't offer...
Undergraduateezraclay - Dec 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 14, 2014
|MIT Cultural Background Essay || INDIA || SIKH
5 - As an Indian, I am always proud of its Rich and Diversified Culture.Ours Our culture is an amalgamation of...
Undergraduatejagdeep5171 - Dec 11, 2014 / Panda29 - Dec 14, 2014
|I learned the sport all by myself - Skating - Extracurricular Activities essay
Undergraduategia - Dec 6, 2014 / gia - Dec 13, 2014
|I wondered how humans could prove their existence after reading the "brain-in-a-vat" - 'Why' Essay
4 - Coco, you have a very well developed essay that addressed the prompt in a highly detailed and articulate manner....
Undergraduatezkc19 - Dec 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 13, 2014
|In pain and tired, but happy - the gym has become one of the most meaningful places for me
2 - There are quite a number of grammatical errors in the essay that I am currently refraining from correcting as...
UndergraduatePereirar23 - Dec 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 13, 2014
|I strive to balance my identity between iPads and Cow Pies
4 - tehreem, your article is good written and draws a comparision between city and village life . but the way...
Undergraduatetehreem - Dec 12, 2014 / anees - Dec 13, 2014
|My educational goal is PhD of engineer - Waterloo's Computer Engineer Admission Information Form
6 - Pereira is right. You need to dig deeper and try to reflect the development of your interest in computer...
UndergraduateMasonvo - Dec 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 13, 2014
|Science, Mathematics is the backbone of any country, it can't be exchanged by History and Literature
Undergraduategautam007 - Dec 12, 2014 / gautam007 - Dec 12, 2014
|Apart from studies, University of Pennsylvania has abundance of sources and activities to explore
19 - thank you so so much for all the help..I'm confident about this version and will submit it. Thanks again...
Undergraduategia - Dec 4, 2014 / gia - Dec 12, 2014
|Participation in the Smart Scholars program - challenge that brought out the best and worst from me
2 - Try to convey to the reader that you yourself implemented this change instead of attributing it all to the...
Undergraduateduedateguy - Dec 12, 2014 / tehreem - Dec 12, 2014
|Thermal Flying - When I fly I have feeling that that is the place I am meant to be
2 - Hardinel, this is one of the best essays pertaining to this prompt that I have read. It is excellent...
UndergraduateScalllion - Dec 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 12, 2014
|It does not matter what people define me as anymore. I know who I am now, I will always be myself.
2 - Chae, I suggest a revision of your essay based on the current format. You actually have an interesting hook...
Undergraduatekiki0823 - Dec 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 12, 2014
|When I walk off the stage, the character I performed never leaves me. Common App essay
UndergraduateRickyp1 - Dec 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 11, 2014
|My moment of becoming mature came far before the day when I became 18 year-old: When I lost my giant
2 - This will work Katetan. The strength of this essay lies in your involvement with your family and the fact...
Undergraduatekatetan - Dec 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 11, 2014
|"A Lesson from a prison visit"
2 - Harley, is this a common essay prompt response? What is the essay question you are trying to address in...
UndergraduateHarlee - Dec 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 11, 2014
|My fourth grade teacher always struck me as a perfect role model; influencing person
Undergraduatenovember31 - Dec 10, 2014 / november31 - Dec 11, 2014
|I was a really loquacious kid. Common application essay 1st topic
2 - I think your essay is more like a "WHY"essay. You talk about why you are interested in physics and...
Undergraduatetugstugs - Dec 11, 2014 / katetan - Dec 11, 2014
|In the Tomb-Sweeping Day several years ago, I went back to Kaiping; common application
Undergraduatekatetan - Dec 9, 2014 / katetan - Dec 11, 2014
|They say that you are who you surround yourself with. At Notre Dame, my peers would be excellent.
2 - Kelly, this is already a very good statement response in a common sense of responding to it. I had...
Undergraduatekellymacsnu - Dec 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 10, 2014
|Until recently I have never discussed my reasons or motivations for my attendance at my local gym
2 - This is more than just being about contentment for you and truly, you have flown off tangent. This story...
UndergraduatePereirar23 - Dec 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 10, 2014
|A one-way Road; I try to recall every second of my past journey and its eccentricities
2 - De Angelis, you really have a serious problem in understanding your common essay prompts. You are always deviating from...
Undergraduateorian2014 - Dec 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 10, 2014
|My hand was tremendously shaking; my mind was filled with excessive thoughts - MIT supplement essay
2 - Okay, I strongly advice that you change the topic of your essay. Never ever use an essay story that...
Undergraduatetugstugs - Dec 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 10, 2014
|Puberty is one of the experiences that helped me as a person
2 - Hi Charlie, is this supposed to be a common app essay or something? You did not really offer us...
Undergraduatecharlies - Dec 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 10, 2014
|I want to be a person without limits. I want to be able to say "Oh yeah! I know how to do that!"
2 - Really good! I especially like the concluding sentence. A couple things though - "But, along with this I...
Undergraduatenick17 - Dec 9, 2014 / Jesussaves - Dec 10, 2014
|Discovery of my potential. Luckily my practice hits perfection, after the third term I was promoted.
12 - Vangiespen, thanks very much. The modification really saved me today, I appreciate your helping hands. May God bless you,...
UndergraduateModewap - Dec 1, 2014 / Modewap - Dec 9, 2014
|The life of an immigrant that came to the US, but was terrified
9 - Mahmoud, the presence of your mother has nothing to do with the adjustments that you had to make when...
UndergraduateMoodykhedr - Dec 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 9, 2014
|My effectiveness of time management
UndergraduateModewap - Dec 6, 2014 / Modewap - Dec 8, 2014
|'disconnected world dominated by technology' - freshman application personal statements 1 of 2
UndergraduateSethCK4 - Dec 8, 2014 / SethCK4 - Dec 8, 2014
|JMU - personal statement to highlight special interests, talents, goals or unique experiences
2 - Excellently written Nassima. A word of caution though, you should not start any sentence with "And", that is a...
Undergraduatenassimnina - Dec 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 8, 2014
|Egotism - My failure; I've accepted that I'm not the best, and I'm perfectly fine with that.
2 - Aditya, the essay you wrote is good in a narrative sense but has room for improvement in terms of...
Undergraduateaksylumoed - Dec 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 8, 2014
|What I achieved by trying to approach my dream - essay about passion
2 - Your essay is a bit confusing to read. When you talk about passing exams to 2 universities, are you...
Undergraduatealmighty - Dec 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 8, 2014
|Provide details of circumstances or qualifications not reflected in the application - Common app
2 - Fenna, this is a very good and effective personal background essay. Let me help you correct the grammatical errors...
UndergraduateFenna - Dec 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 8, 2014
|When I was a year old, my family was selected for the Diversity Immigrant Visa program in Sudan
4 - You can write this essay either way Abdeel. Both are acceptable narratives based upon the requirements of the essay...
Undergraduateab53292 - Dec 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 7, 2014
|Untranslatable meanings of special words - UChicago Supplement
4 - I, for my part, found this essay hilarious and enjoyable, if not completely suitable for admissions :3 A...
Undergraduategia - Dec 5, 2014 / FullofSeoul - Dec 7, 2014
|Serving Others in Philadelphia; I become more responsible adult
3 - Emmaline, your essay was not able to properly answer the prompt because you did not properly analyze the essay...
Undergraduatedipace20150361 - Dec 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 7, 2014
|Syracuse has an abundance of community service opportunities that can better me as a person
2 - With people in the world becoming too much dependingdependent on what other people think and do, I want to...
Undergraduateav27 - Dec 7, 2014 / tonyyy - Dec 7, 2014
|Future Jumbo / "Let your life speak" / What makes you happy? - Tufts Supplement Essays
2 - Leiya, you need to properly answer the first prompt.It seems that you misunderstood the question and thus did not...
Undergraduateleiya0920 - Dec 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 6, 2014
|UWC Admission Essays - My First Drafts.
2 - Tanya, this is quite a revealing essay that explains how your various environments have helped you become the person...
Undergraduatetanyavora99 - Dec 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 6, 2014
|UF is my way of declaring that I will not settle for less, I am destined to live "The Good Life"
2 - De Angelis, you have not properly answered the prompt. The narrative that you presented was disjointed and did not...
Undergraduateorian2014 - Dec 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 6, 2014
|Teaching under Heartbreaking Circumstances
6 - Angelis, you really do not understand what the prompt requires. Let me try and explain it to you. Based...
Undergraduateorian2014 - Dec 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 5, 2014
|UNCW Short Answer- Why do you want to go to UNCW?
2 - Hannah, your answer totally deviates from the prompt towards the end of the paper. Here is what you should...
Undergraduatehauprichth - Dec 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 5, 2014
|Where do I belong? My broken race.
3 - Thank you very much! I revised it and added myself to it like you said. I really appreciate this!...
UndergraduateBriannaM - Dec 3, 2014 / BriannaM - Dec 5, 2014
|Time in the woods/ Let your life speak/ What makes you happy? - TUFTS supplement
Undergraduatetksxkdhkd11 - Dec 5, 2014 / Rhea97 - Dec 5, 2014
|UNC ESSAY: A MICROMOMENT OF CONNECTION (400 WORDS) help
4 - Sarita, your essay is quite confusing in terms of time relevance. Don't confuse the issue by mentioning that you...
UndergraduateSaritaM - Nov 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 4, 2014
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