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|With my little Fisher Price cassette player I interviewed family members about their favorite things
4 - It will work. But you need to mention each organization, what you learned from your participation there, and how...
Undergraduatekatlissette - Nov 30, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 30, 2014
|I generally have the values of an introvert; School of Visual Arts (500 Words) General College Essay
4 - You have presented a good discussion in response to the prompt Devon. However, you can use some improvement with...
UndergraduateOllomod - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 30, 2014
|I am many things, but a public speaker is not one of them. UC PROMPT #2
3 - Gosh Thank you so much, I always doubt my writing so that was extremely motivating , thank you :)...
Undergraduatecharlieejune - Nov 29, 2014 / charlieejune - Nov 30, 2014
|Studying history allows us to understand the growth of "humanity"... Lehigh Essay
7 - This is great! Thank you. I sometimes struggle with condensing my own writing in fear that I might cut...
Undergraduatedhizzy - Nov 28, 2014 / dhizzy - Nov 30, 2014
|'open mind and the willingness to think creatively' - CIVIL ENGINEERING UC PERSONAL STATEMENT
Undergraduatejoshtsou - Nov 28, 2014 / ericaaxox3 - Nov 30, 2014
|UC Personal Statement # 1 Describe the world you come from
5 - I suggest that you cut out the following paragraph from your essay: The essay just works better...
UndergraduateYanagawa - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 30, 2014
|Diversity has no bounds, Diversity can be made up of all creatures or all matter - Boulder answer
2 - Aaron, you actually wrote a lot of words but still ended up not answering the prompt questions properly. You...
UndergraduateCow5215 - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 30, 2014
|This is an essay with a lot of painful memories - Describe how the world shaped you.
4 - Revised my essay. It was night. With a loud pound my bedroom door was flung open. The intruder...
Undergraduatezuxy - Nov 29, 2014 / zuxy - Nov 30, 2014
|UC Econ Major Transfer Prompts Fall 2015
2 - I think you have answered all the aspects of the primary question. You have included what was asked for...
Undergraduatewhyteavenger945 - Nov 27, 2014 / Felly - Nov 29, 2014
|'it is a joy to be in school' - CU- Boulder Background Essay
9 - Perfect thank you so much Jazmin! I will definitely change before monday, my deadline is Dec 1 haha. :-)....
UndergraduateCow5215 - Nov 28, 2014 / Cow5215 - Nov 29, 2014
|Sibling. Apart from the similarity in facial structures, I can see how else people could compare us.
UndergraduateJazH2015 - Nov 29, 2014 / Cow5215 - Nov 29, 2014
|I was daydreaming about a typical, everyday routine of a high school student - Homeschool Background
Undergraduatejmjsoccer12 - Nov 23, 2014 / jmjsoccer12 - Nov 29, 2014
|Healing and helping people through a healthy diet - college application essay
2 - Jennifer, I think your essay will benefit better from the mention of your wish to become a dietician early...
UndergraduateJennez90 - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|One kid is all it takes - common app
2 - This is a very interesting essay Tristan. However, you need to make the beginning clearer to the reader. Instead...
Undergraduateleetristan13 - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|I was born inside the Chinese community in Italy. Short essay for University of Washington, Prompt 2
2 - Andrea, you need to explain the kind of mentality that your parents were trying to make you develop. What...
Undergraduatea402099719 - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|The Little Dash that Could UC Prompt #1
2 - I really love the bus metaphor! One advice I would give is that your hospital paragraph feels out of...
Undergraduatecervantesydney - Nov 29, 2014 / zuxy - Nov 29, 2014
|Reaching the rank of Eagle Scout - Intended Major: Business Administration. UC Prompt #1!
Undergraduateaduong - Nov 28, 2014 / aduong - Nov 29, 2014
|I consider myself extremely lucky to have stumbled upon two things that fuel my passion. UC personal
2 - Try not directly say "My dream is" show the reader do not tell, but overall great job! Good luck....
UndergraduateAHussain - Nov 29, 2014 / cervantesydney - Nov 29, 2014
|Impact of nature and nurture on child development
3 - This is a very intriguing paper. A few areas of weakness are that your point of view changes here...
UndergraduateKatiepark22 - Nov 29, 2014 / lesliepalik - Nov 29, 2014
|Cognitive science is the path where I want to continue my education - UC Transfer PROMPT #1
Undergraduatessuen - Nov 29, 2014 / AHussain - Nov 29, 2014
|Chance at self discovery | Boston University supplement
3 - Edited: Coming from a very small town and tight-knit school community, I have always dreamt of the opportunity...
Undergraduatesaiai24 - Nov 29, 2014 / saiai24 - Nov 29, 2014
|I can contribute to the diverse culture of the University more than other typical Korean-Americans
3 - Nice essay. Beginning needs some working on. I would also suggest adding how you managed to get along in...
Undergraduateamkorchi - Nov 29, 2014 / ProBoundz - Nov 29, 2014
|What seemed like a curse at first, it was truly a blessing in disguise; personal statement for UW
4 - Try to review the essay for content and redundancies. Find out which portions seem to have repeated information and...
Undergraduateamkorchi - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|Hi my paper is on Ebola and this is an English class. This is mla format
Undergraduatefahadalharam - Nov 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|Riding my life on smiles
Undergraduateciennalongwood - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|I grew up in heaven that nurtured me into an aspiring young man who is eager to pursue his dreams
2 - Logan, in my opinion, you should make the following paragraph your opening paragraph: That paragraph immediately draws...
Undergraduateloganwicker - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|Surviving limited resources in Madiun
2 - This is an excellent essay Melati. You clearly describe the world you come from and the trials and tribulations...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|UC Prompt 1 - Majoring in Computer Science to help the working industry
3 - Hi. The moment I was determined to learn computer science was actually a past experience, but maybe a present...
Undergraduateanthonysw - Nov 28, 2014 / anthonysw - Nov 29, 2014
|Fascination for the human body and a career in medicine - UC Prompt 1
3 - Genesis, the latter part of your essay works very well. It is the first part that you have to...
UndergraduateLitleG - Nov 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|Children have more opportunities in big cities rather than in countryside
2 - i was told that in a persuasive essay you shouldn't be saying "well they both have their benefits" stick...
Undergraduatekevin11tw - Nov 29, 2014 / Steph_cast - Nov 29, 2014
|The expectations that my parents have tried to impress upon me seem archaic and unreasonable
UndergraduateAvelys - Nov 29, 2014 / ProBoundz - Nov 29, 2014
|Any factors that you believe are important / pertinent to the consideration of your application
2 - I think you gave great detail about the situations. However, i do not like your dreadful words about how...
Undergraduatetzaheen - Nov 28, 2014 / Kelvinz888 - Nov 29, 2014
|When I was young I dreamed of running feet. My story
UndergraduateKasamira - Nov 28, 2014 / Kasamira - Nov 28, 2014
|Internet was my weapon, laden with spikes and snares - Ann Arbor Supplemental Essay! (Michigan)
3 - Thanks :)...
UndergraduateKasamira - Nov 28, 2014 / Kasamira - Nov 28, 2014
|Growing up was never an easy task, especially with the constant struggles in my family.
2 - Your answer does a good job of directly responding to the question. I think you do a great job...
UndergraduateJinnie90 - Nov 28, 2014 / dhizzy - Nov 28, 2014
|Share an event or incident you have encountered personally - NUS/NTU application essay
Undergraduateachandni - Nov 28, 2014 / Kasamira - Nov 28, 2014
|'The hideous alarm sound woke me up' - Got Social Anxiety? UC personal statement 2
18 - Jiseung, I already made my suggestions regarding paragraph improvement and my other concerns in the post above yours. Didn't...
Undergraduateyoyoprotein - Nov 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 28, 2014
|My parents had sealed my fate - I would grow to be a Chartered Professional Accountant
UndergraduateMUF - Nov 28, 2014 / LitleG - Nov 28, 2014
|My most notable personal quality would be being helpful - UC essay prompt
2 - Great job explaining why you enjoy tutoring. I would expand on how it relates to your future goals; you...
Undergraduatesanil17 - Nov 28, 2014 / Jinnie90 - Nov 28, 2014
|UC essay prompt #1 on inspired by family background
2 - I have lived under my parent's protection for my entire life that I seldom made decisions for myself...
Undergraduatejohnny85514 - Nov 27, 2014 / aryr - Nov 27, 2014
|APPLY TEXAS ESSAY: HOW SOME OBSTACLES IN MY LIFE HAVE CHANGED ME?
3 - APPLY TEXAS ESSAY: HOW SOME OBSTACLES IN MY LIFE HAVE CHANGED ME this is a very rough draft...this...
Undergraduateciennalongwood - Nov 26, 2014 / ciennalongwood - Nov 27, 2014
|Supplement Essay for transferring to New York University Stern Business School
NEW - Question: NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can...
UndergraduateLoveNYU - Nov 27, 2014 / — -
|I am only the person I make myself to be, not the person that other people say I am. UW entry essay
2 - Your depiction is great, associated with your wording. One thing that i think you will be more better...
Undergraduatehoping2bahusky - Nov 26, 2014 / zigolf - Nov 27, 2014
|"The Process and The Goal" CommonApp "Background" Prompt Essay
2 - Wow this is great! The entire setting with the blazing sun and how persistent you were despite that really...
UndergraduateLolwatnaw - Nov 26, 2014 / mayradio0508 - Nov 26, 2014
|I wished I could be back in that garage....UC essay #1 on Overcoming Obstacles
4 - this is one sentence but you don't complete it with subject,verb mayradio0508]They'd growgrown up without parents,...
Undergraduatemayradio0508 - Nov 26, 2014 / Anfalia - Nov 26, 2014
|The noise that was cancer had disrupted my childhood - Personal Statement
UndergraduateJoviS - Nov 26, 2014 / Anfalia - Nov 26, 2014
|250 WORD ESSAY: AN ELABORATION OF AN EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITY- FEMINIST CLUB
2 - You basically wrote about what the club in general did, but never discussed what you did as contribution to...
UndergraduateSaritaM - Nov 26, 2014 / Boa503 - Nov 26, 2014
|"I used to hate piano" - University of Michigan-Ann Arbor Supplemental Essay!
3 - Thank you SaritaM! :) When I was talking about original Tchaikovsky I meant sheet music that was what he'd...
UndergraduateKasamira - Nov 26, 2014 / Kasamira - Nov 26, 2014
|I was offered an opportunity to study in the USA for one year at the age of fifteen to sixteen
3 - "The most challenging tasks for me to face were to speak in English only and interact with classmates from...
UndergraduateCoco0729 - Nov 26, 2014 / SaritaM - Nov 26, 2014
|"What is success?" UC Personal Statement Freshman prompt
2 - Use a hyphen: family-oriented Being immigrants from Vietnam, my parents did not have much to start out...
Undergraduatehtnguyen11 - Nov 25, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2014
|My visits to SCU were of no surprise - CommonApp: Santa Clara University Prompt
2 - Having already been interested in the school for a majority of my youth ---> I have been interested in...
Undergraduatenamqvu - Nov 26, 2014 / Modewap - Nov 26, 2014
|"my passion for troubleshooting" - essay for TAMU
Undergraduatesreevik - Nov 25, 2014 / sreevik - Nov 26, 2014
|A place where one is free from attack, where one experiences secure relationships and affirmation
2 - A place where one is free from attack, a place where one experiences secure relationships and affirmation. It's a...
Undergraduatetallbuttiny - Nov 25, 2014 / dchege711 - Nov 26, 2014
|People around me always consider me as a bird of a different feather. UC Prompt 1
Undergraduatealan1213 - Nov 22, 2014 / alan1213 - Nov 25, 2014
|Community Service Toy Drive and how it relates to who I am - UC Prompt #2
5 - Wrapping presents while listening to joyful Christmas music, in a warm room filled with friends, was something I would've...
Undergraduatebryantasticc - Nov 25, 2014 / bryantasticc - Nov 25, 2014
|"My Life Incubator: Target" - Common App Essay Prompt 4
Undergraduatelantaylor13 - Nov 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 25, 2014
|"The Code is Mightier Than The Pen" - NYU Supplementary Essay
Undergraduatelantaylor13 - Nov 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 25, 2014
|''work is an anti node for poverty'' - My mother a supportive figure
9 - Thanks vangiespen :) . You're always amazing. More strength to the hands you use in typing. ;)...
UndergraduateModewap - Nov 19, 2014 / Modewap - Nov 25, 2014
|The thief. He was a friend... a teammate... but he is an enemy now. College Essay 1
2 - Aaron, the point of this essay is to show how you deal with racial, cultural, and social differences. Although...
Undergraduateaggieswaggie - Nov 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 25, 2014
|My activity in Tourism Ambassadors, because I broke out of my comfort zone - Columbia Univ.
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 2, 2014 / him827 - Nov 25, 2014
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