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|Until recently I have never discussed my reasons or motivations for my attendance at my local gym
2 - This is more than just being about contentment for you and truly, you have flown off tangent. This story...
UndergraduatePereirar23 - Dec 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 10, 2014
|A one-way Road; I try to recall every second of my past journey and its eccentricities
2 - De Angelis, you really have a serious problem in understanding your common essay prompts. You are always deviating from...
Undergraduateorian2014 - Dec 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 10, 2014
|My hand was tremendously shaking; my mind was filled with excessive thoughts - MIT supplement essay
2 - Okay, I strongly advice that you change the topic of your essay. Never ever use an essay story that...
Undergraduatetugstugs - Dec 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 10, 2014
|Puberty is one of the experiences that helped me as a person
2 - Hi Charlie, is this supposed to be a common app essay or something? You did not really offer us...
Undergraduatecharlies - Dec 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 10, 2014
|I want to be a person without limits. I want to be able to say "Oh yeah! I know how to do that!"
2 - Really good! I especially like the concluding sentence. A couple things though - "But, along with this I...
Undergraduatenick17 - Dec 9, 2014 / Jesussaves - Dec 10, 2014
|Discovery of my potential. Luckily my practice hits perfection, after the third term I was promoted.
12 - Vangiespen, thanks very much. The modification really saved me today, I appreciate your helping hands. May God bless you,...
UndergraduateModewap - Dec 1, 2014 / Modewap - Dec 9, 2014
|The life of an immigrant that came to the US, but was terrified
9 - Mahmoud, the presence of your mother has nothing to do with the adjustments that you had to make when...
UndergraduateMoodykhedr - Dec 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 9, 2014
|My effectiveness of time management
UndergraduateModewap - Dec 6, 2014 / Modewap - Dec 8, 2014
|'disconnected world dominated by technology' - freshman application personal statements 1 of 2
UndergraduateSethCK4 - Dec 8, 2014 / SethCK4 - Dec 8, 2014
|JMU - personal statement to highlight special interests, talents, goals or unique experiences
2 - Excellently written Nassima. A word of caution though, you should not start any sentence with "And", that is a...
Undergraduatenassimnina - Dec 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 8, 2014
|Egotism - My failure; I've accepted that I'm not the best, and I'm perfectly fine with that.
2 - Aditya, the essay you wrote is good in a narrative sense but has room for improvement in terms of...
Undergraduateaksylumoed - Dec 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 8, 2014
|What I achieved by trying to approach my dream - essay about passion
2 - Your essay is a bit confusing to read. When you talk about passing exams to 2 universities, are you...
Undergraduatealmighty - Dec 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 8, 2014
|Provide details of circumstances or qualifications not reflected in the application - Common app
2 - Fenna, this is a very good and effective personal background essay. Let me help you correct the grammatical errors...
UndergraduateFenna - Dec 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 8, 2014
|When I was a year old, my family was selected for the Diversity Immigrant Visa program in Sudan
4 - You can write this essay either way Abdeel. Both are acceptable narratives based upon the requirements of the essay...
Undergraduateab53292 - Dec 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 7, 2014
|Untranslatable meanings of special words - UChicago Supplement
4 - I, for my part, found this essay hilarious and enjoyable, if not completely suitable for admissions :3 A...
Undergraduategia - Dec 5, 2014 / FullofSeoul - Dec 7, 2014
|Serving Others in Philadelphia; I become more responsible adult
3 - Emmaline, your essay was not able to properly answer the prompt because you did not properly analyze the essay...
Undergraduatedipace20150361 - Dec 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 7, 2014
|Syracuse has an abundance of community service opportunities that can better me as a person
2 - With people in the world becoming too much dependingdependent on what other people think and do, I want to...
Undergraduateav27 - Dec 7, 2014 / tonyyy - Dec 7, 2014
|Future Jumbo / "Let your life speak" / What makes you happy? - Tufts Supplement Essays
2 - Leiya, you need to properly answer the first prompt.It seems that you misunderstood the question and thus did not...
Undergraduateleiya0920 - Dec 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 6, 2014
|UWC Admission Essays - My First Drafts.
2 - Tanya, this is quite a revealing essay that explains how your various environments have helped you become the person...
Undergraduatetanyavora99 - Dec 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 6, 2014
|UF is my way of declaring that I will not settle for less, I am destined to live "The Good Life"
2 - De Angelis, you have not properly answered the prompt. The narrative that you presented was disjointed and did not...
Undergraduateorian2014 - Dec 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 6, 2014
|Teaching under Heartbreaking Circumstances
6 - Angelis, you really do not understand what the prompt requires. Let me try and explain it to you. Based...
Undergraduateorian2014 - Dec 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 5, 2014
|UNCW Short Answer- Why do you want to go to UNCW?
2 - Hannah, your answer totally deviates from the prompt towards the end of the paper. Here is what you should...
Undergraduatehauprichth - Dec 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 5, 2014
|Where do I belong? My broken race.
3 - Thank you very much! I revised it and added myself to it like you said. I really appreciate this!...
UndergraduateBriannaM - Dec 3, 2014 / BriannaM - Dec 5, 2014
|Time in the woods/ Let your life speak/ What makes you happy? - TUFTS supplement
Undergraduatetksxkdhkd11 - Dec 5, 2014 / Rhea97 - Dec 5, 2014
|UNC ESSAY: A MICROMOMENT OF CONNECTION (400 WORDS) help
4 - Sarita, your essay is quite confusing in terms of time relevance. Don't confuse the issue by mentioning that you...
UndergraduateSaritaM - Nov 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 4, 2014
|Chapman University: The Calling of the Sea & Finding Purpose
2 - -Timothy, while it is nice that you like the location of the university, it is not a real consideration...
Undergraduatebrisingr296 - Dec 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 4, 2014
|My working experience in New York - FIT Fashion Merchandising, from The Netherlands.
UndergraduateCPNL - Nov 30, 2014 / CPNL - Dec 4, 2014
|"Was it long or short, Okawa-san", a man asked his 116 year old grandmother on a video; why UChicago
Undergraduatezeeconomist - Dec 3, 2014 / zeeconomist - Dec 4, 2014
|It's not easy repeating your name several times over when someone asks you for it.
6 - In my opinion, yes, you should rework the central ID essay. However, if you feel that you prefer to...
Undergraduatesrikanthsrnvs - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 4, 2014
|Fitness was a hobby that drastically changed my life - Personal Statement
2 - Steven, don't be embarrassed by your English skills. Your essay is definitely clear and understandable to the reader. I...
UndergraduateTempestx - Dec 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 3, 2014
|Rewards of my continued efforts
5 - Adeyemi, that addition definitely helps clarify the paragraph more. What you need to do now is male sure that...
UndergraduateModewap - Nov 27, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 3, 2014
|Imagine yourself in a tutorial at Williams. Of anyone in the world, whom would you choose....
14 - Take a look at the video that Williams has up about this prompt. Then think about the type of...
UndergraduateRevtZ_hh - Sep 22, 2014 / admission2012 - Dec 3, 2014
|I had never been so sure of myself in my whole life. Rutgers essay
Undergraduatebelle9ja - Dec 3, 2014 / belle9ja - Dec 3, 2014
|Syracuse University - I knew that this school was everything and more than what I dreamt of.
6 - I agree with Vangiespan in that it is generic. "I knew that this school was everything and more...
Undergraduatejohn17 - Dec 2, 2014 / zeeconomist - Dec 3, 2014
|The road less traveled challenged me because i hate it - common app supplement
3 - I agree with the previous response. How did the poem's idea/ concept/ theme impact you? Did it stir something...
UndergraduateMayaAngelou - Nov 30, 2014 / leiya0920 - Dec 3, 2014
|Enjoying the summer in my Gramma's house
5 - Adrea, I agree that you wrote a very good essay that unfortunately, does not address the prompt in the...
Undergraduateandreak1022 - Dec 2, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 2, 2014
|my opinion on abortion - murdering a child cold-blooded
2 - The paper is good, just some grammatical errors. And I apologize if everything I've added is not completely...
Undergraduateicherio - Dec 2, 2014 / briannalottchea - Dec 2, 2014
|'joyous heart' - A Student's Plea of Character - Common App extra info
4 - Thank you for the feedback. I believe that was my foremost concern regarding the style of this essay, both...
UndergraduateHerrenshire - Dec 1, 2014 / Herrenshire - Dec 2, 2014
|My classmate Chen with language barrier, due to the brain damage, caused by car accident
5 - Thanks a lot. Sorry I didn't reply you promptly since I've been working on filling out the application. Following...
Undergraduatedominic_jiang - Nov 23, 2014 / dominic_jiang - Dec 2, 2014
|My Chinese name - Yueqiao, brings my weapons to make me grow and my bridges across the world!
6 - Amanda, I definitely misunderstood some parts of your essay. Thanks for clarifying those parts for me. That said, you...
UndergraduateAmanda Yueqiao - Dec 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 2, 2014
|Educational goal ; Engineering interests ; Waterloo AIF
2 - Michael, in my opinion, your response to the first essay prompt is not applicable to the question being asked....
UndergraduateExiaSR - Dec 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 2, 2014
|"Of My Own Will"; 'sickening smell of isoform, antiseptics, and the scent of "Get Well" flowers'
2 - If you want to tie this essay into a business major, you should not be discussing such a highly...
Undergraduatecollegekid - Dec 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 1, 2014
|'Problems are an inherent component of any society' - Princeton Common Application Supplement Essay
3 - I would agree with cutting out the excess details in relation to Kokesh's journey. I should probably try to...
UndergraduateTh25cc - Dec 1, 2014 / Th25cc - Dec 1, 2014
|Eating dinner alone is a catalyst for growth. Mentally and physically. Common App Essay - Prompt 1
2 - This is not a bad essay. A few things that I'd recommend is shortening this whole section about your...
Undergraduateashluu - Dec 1, 2014 / FullofSeoul - Dec 1, 2014
|I have always hated waiting and yet here I was sticked around for judges verdict. UC Essay prompt 2
8 - Hey! I decided to submit yesterday as I didn't want to take any chances. However, I decided to...
UndergraduateProBoundz - Nov 29, 2014 / ProBoundz - Dec 1, 2014
|She's the one that gave me life, she is the person who helps me a lot - my mom.
8 - The person i admire most is my mother.she is a hardworking person and she is very close to me...
Undergraduatesalma21 - Nov 29, 2014 / salma21 - Dec 1, 2014
|I truly embraced service to my community throughout high school and will continue to do so
2 - Marcus, do not offer information that is not being asked for in the essay. You are only allotted 150...
Undergraduateblazetrailer - Dec 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 1, 2014
|"Curious" was the mostly used adjective in reference to me - personal essay
4 - In that case, write this personal essay without any reference to your chosen major. Any writing supplements relating to...
Undergraduatexandera - Dec 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 1, 2014
|Business is something I have had a vast attachment and curiosity towards for as long as I remember
2 - Zaheen, aside from needing to divide your essay into paragraphs, your narration has successfully answered the prompt and presented...
Undergraduatetzaheen - Dec 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 1, 2014
|NYUad nomination essay - Linguistic scenario in Nepal
Undergraduatenischal18 - Nov 27, 2014 / Amanda Yueqiao - Dec 1, 2014
|To me UWC, is transformational education at its best; Why UWC? International high school application
Undergraduatealbidealist9 - Nov 30, 2014 / albidealist9 - Dec 1, 2014
|'Look mommy - a scorpion!' - UC Application Essay (my world I came from)
2 - This first paragraph does not help establish anything about the world that you come from and the influences that...
UndergraduateLifeHacker - Nov 30, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 1, 2014
|I was going to follow in my grandfather's footsteps and pursue a degree in Business Administration
2 - - Try avoid cliche statements like "since i was little". In fact, you should skip this paragraph altogether....
Undergraduatesgilbert - Nov 30, 2014 / vangiespen - Dec 1, 2014
|'I was born in Mombasa, Kenya and lived with my mother and father' - UC college entrance essay
4 - Much better. However, I believe that you should explain how the lack of education on your mother's part hindered...
Undergraduatehari11296 - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 30, 2014
|Smaller class is what I'm looking for; nurse career - VCU ESSAY PROMPTS - PRIMARY GOAL - WHY VCU
Undergraduatecaccardi7 - Nov 30, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 30, 2014
|'We are all walking advertisements' - Advertising and Marketing Communications Major Essay
2 - Elizabeth, your essay suffers from an identity crisis. Either you write an essay regarding your qualifications as a FIT...
Undergraduateesherb - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 30, 2014
|I'll cherish every minute to experience distinctive life and try my best to be a better person.
2 - Cora, your SOP sounds more like a college application and creative essay more than a forma statement of purpose.Are...
Undergraduatecorachang - Nov 30, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 30, 2014
|"Were pH an expression of personality, what would be your pH and why?"
UndergraduateSafree - Nov 28, 2014 / Safree - Nov 30, 2014
|The Function Defined as P = Math - College Essay
UndergraduateSineFine - Nov 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 30, 2014
|From electrical to Industrial - my SOP for review
2 - Mohammed, you have to understand that when you apply for higher learning, more weight is given to your professional...
UndergraduateMaddy2291 - Nov 30, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 30, 2014
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