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|Riding my life on smiles
Undergraduateciennalongwood - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|I grew up in heaven that nurtured me into an aspiring young man who is eager to pursue his dreams
2 - Logan, in my opinion, you should make the following paragraph your opening paragraph: That paragraph immediately draws...
Undergraduateloganwicker - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|Surviving limited resources in Madiun
2 - This is an excellent essay Melati. You clearly describe the world you come from and the trials and tribulations...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|UC Prompt 1 - Majoring in Computer Science to help the working industry
3 - Hi. The moment I was determined to learn computer science was actually a past experience, but maybe a present...
Undergraduateanthonysw - Nov 28, 2014 / anthonysw - Nov 29, 2014
|Fascination for the human body and a career in medicine - UC Prompt 1
3 - Genesis, the latter part of your essay works very well. It is the first part that you have to...
UndergraduateLitleG - Nov 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 29, 2014
|Children have more opportunities in big cities rather than in countryside
2 - i was told that in a persuasive essay you shouldn't be saying "well they both have their benefits" stick...
Undergraduatekevin11tw - Nov 29, 2014 / Steph_cast - Nov 29, 2014
|The expectations that my parents have tried to impress upon me seem archaic and unreasonable
UndergraduateAvelys - Nov 29, 2014 / ProBoundz - Nov 29, 2014
|Any factors that you believe are important / pertinent to the consideration of your application
2 - I think you gave great detail about the situations. However, i do not like your dreadful words about how...
Undergraduatetzaheen - Nov 28, 2014 / Kelvinz888 - Nov 29, 2014
|When I was young I dreamed of running feet. My story
UndergraduateKasamira - Nov 28, 2014 / Kasamira - Nov 28, 2014
|Internet was my weapon, laden with spikes and snares - Ann Arbor Supplemental Essay! (Michigan)
3 - Thanks :)...
UndergraduateKasamira - Nov 28, 2014 / Kasamira - Nov 28, 2014
|Growing up was never an easy task, especially with the constant struggles in my family.
2 - Your answer does a good job of directly responding to the question. I think you do a great job...
UndergraduateJinnie90 - Nov 28, 2014 / dhizzy - Nov 28, 2014
|Share an event or incident you have encountered personally - NUS/NTU application essay
Undergraduateachandni - Nov 28, 2014 / Kasamira - Nov 28, 2014
|'The hideous alarm sound woke me up' - Got Social Anxiety? UC personal statement 2
18 - Jiseung, I already made my suggestions regarding paragraph improvement and my other concerns in the post above yours. Didn't...
Undergraduateyoyoprotein - Nov 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 28, 2014
|My parents had sealed my fate - I would grow to be a Chartered Professional Accountant
UndergraduateMUF - Nov 28, 2014 / LitleG - Nov 28, 2014
|My most notable personal quality would be being helpful - UC essay prompt
2 - Great job explaining why you enjoy tutoring. I would expand on how it relates to your future goals; you...
Undergraduatesanil17 - Nov 28, 2014 / Jinnie90 - Nov 28, 2014
|UC essay prompt #1 on inspired by family background
2 - I have lived under my parent's protection for my entire life that I seldom made decisions for myself...
Undergraduatejohnny85514 - Nov 27, 2014 / aryr - Nov 27, 2014
|APPLY TEXAS ESSAY: HOW SOME OBSTACLES IN MY LIFE HAVE CHANGED ME?
3 - APPLY TEXAS ESSAY: HOW SOME OBSTACLES IN MY LIFE HAVE CHANGED ME this is a very rough draft...this...
Undergraduateciennalongwood - Nov 26, 2014 / ciennalongwood - Nov 27, 2014
|Supplement Essay for transferring to New York University Stern Business School
NEW - Question: NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can...
UndergraduateLoveNYU - Nov 27, 2014 / — -
|I am only the person I make myself to be, not the person that other people say I am. UW entry essay
2 - Your depiction is great, associated with your wording. One thing that i think you will be more better...
Undergraduatehoping2bahusky - Nov 26, 2014 / zigolf - Nov 27, 2014
|"The Process and The Goal" CommonApp "Background" Prompt Essay
2 - Wow this is great! The entire setting with the blazing sun and how persistent you were despite that really...
UndergraduateLolwatnaw - Nov 26, 2014 / mayradio0508 - Nov 26, 2014
|I wished I could be back in that garage....UC essay #1 on Overcoming Obstacles
4 - this is one sentence but you don't complete it with subject,verb mayradio0508]They'd growgrown up without parents,...
Undergraduatemayradio0508 - Nov 26, 2014 / Anfalia - Nov 26, 2014
|The noise that was cancer had disrupted my childhood - Personal Statement
UndergraduateJoviS - Nov 26, 2014 / Anfalia - Nov 26, 2014
|250 WORD ESSAY: AN ELABORATION OF AN EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITY- FEMINIST CLUB
2 - You basically wrote about what the club in general did, but never discussed what you did as contribution to...
UndergraduateSaritaM - Nov 26, 2014 / Boa503 - Nov 26, 2014
|"I used to hate piano" - University of Michigan-Ann Arbor Supplemental Essay!
3 - Thank you SaritaM! :) When I was talking about original Tchaikovsky I meant sheet music that was what he'd...
UndergraduateKasamira - Nov 26, 2014 / Kasamira - Nov 26, 2014
|I was offered an opportunity to study in the USA for one year at the age of fifteen to sixteen
3 - "The most challenging tasks for me to face were to speak in English only and interact with classmates from...
UndergraduateCoco0729 - Nov 26, 2014 / SaritaM - Nov 26, 2014
|"What is success?" UC Personal Statement Freshman prompt
2 - Use a hyphen: family-oriented Being immigrants from Vietnam, my parents did not have much to start out...
Undergraduatehtnguyen11 - Nov 25, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2014
|My visits to SCU were of no surprise - CommonApp: Santa Clara University Prompt
2 - Having already been interested in the school for a majority of my youth ---> I have been interested in...
Undergraduatenamqvu - Nov 26, 2014 / Modewap - Nov 26, 2014
|"my passion for troubleshooting" - essay for TAMU
Undergraduatesreevik - Nov 25, 2014 / sreevik - Nov 26, 2014
|A place where one is free from attack, where one experiences secure relationships and affirmation
2 - A place where one is free from attack, a place where one experiences secure relationships and affirmation. It's a...
Undergraduatetallbuttiny - Nov 25, 2014 / dchege711 - Nov 26, 2014
|People around me always consider me as a bird of a different feather. UC Prompt 1
Undergraduatealan1213 - Nov 22, 2014 / alan1213 - Nov 25, 2014
|Community Service Toy Drive and how it relates to who I am - UC Prompt #2
5 - Wrapping presents while listening to joyful Christmas music, in a warm room filled with friends, was something I would've...
Undergraduatebryantasticc - Nov 25, 2014 / bryantasticc - Nov 25, 2014
|"My Life Incubator: Target" - Common App Essay Prompt 4
Undergraduatelantaylor13 - Nov 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 25, 2014
|"The Code is Mightier Than The Pen" - NYU Supplementary Essay
Undergraduatelantaylor13 - Nov 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 25, 2014
|''work is an anti node for poverty'' - My mother a supportive figure
9 - Thanks vangiespen :) . You're always amazing. More strength to the hands you use in typing. ;)...
UndergraduateModewap - Nov 19, 2014 / Modewap - Nov 25, 2014
|The thief. He was a friend... a teammate... but he is an enemy now. College Essay 1
2 - Aaron, the point of this essay is to show how you deal with racial, cultural, and social differences. Although...
Undergraduateaggieswaggie - Nov 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 25, 2014
|My activity in Tourism Ambassadors, because I broke out of my comfort zone - Columbia Univ.
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 2, 2014 / him827 - Nov 25, 2014
|"wooden pen" - ILLINOIS UNDERGRADUATE ADMISSION ESSAY
2 - Amirul, your essay needs to become more coherent and relevant to the topic being asked. I developed a template...
Undergraduateamrlashrf - Nov 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 25, 2014
|Debate Team that I built from scratch
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 25, 2014 / melramadhani - Nov 25, 2014
|The world I come from : small city / digital world (Two ideas - choice) - MIT
6 - Of the two essays you've written, I believe that the second one does a better job of answering the...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 22, 2014 / bryantasticc - Nov 25, 2014
|Mathematics major; It took me quite a long time to finally realize what I wanted to study in college
18 - The combination of my suggestions and your original ideas seems to have worked very well. There are still some...
Undergraduatesoftball16 - Nov 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 25, 2014
|My dad and communities struggles have shaped my dreams and aspirations - UC Prompt #2
5 - Overall, your essay is personal. Just a minor grammatical correction, I've first handedly glimpsed should be I've first- handedly...
Undergraduatebryantasticc - Nov 23, 2014 / melramadhani - Nov 25, 2014
|Spoils of Hard Work - Pitzer Supplement
2 - Hi! Your essay is generally good, but you should mention the core value of Pitzer that you've been...
Undergraduategman1997 - Nov 23, 2014 / melramadhani - Nov 25, 2014
|My intended major - economy in Shanghai, China
Undergraduateyoyoprotein - Nov 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 24, 2014
|Keep on Fighting! You're almost there. - UC Prompt #2
4 - Olivia, You need to lay the foundation for the event that had dialogue at the start of the essay....
Undergraduateliviays - Nov 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 24, 2014
|Walking around the top observation deck of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, I realized my dream
4 - Karen, you have to understand that this event only marked a change in perspective. It did not represent a...
UndergraduateKaren219 - Nov 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 24, 2014
|"Studying history is important to me because history is all-encompassing" Cornell Essay help
7 - Thanks for the help. I'm feeling really good about it and will have my English teacher give it a...
Undergraduatedhizzy - Nov 22, 2014 / dhizzy - Nov 24, 2014
|I have a certain penchant towards video games. MSU essay
2 - add more strong lines in last para ...remove this line..i believe i am very creative...you have used it already...1st...
Undergraduateutkarsh3997 - Nov 24, 2014 / him827 - Nov 24, 2014
|I come from a world of fantasy - The World that inspired me is the Anime World.
Undergraduateachen0688 - Nov 21, 2014 / achen0688 - Nov 24, 2014
|I come from a family that was socially classified as different, and was therefore looked down
Undergraduatejonep - Nov 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 23, 2014
|Acquired knowledge in practice - My first hospital visits as a Medical Assistant student
2 - I really love your voice; you seem like a very likable person!! :-) Your experiences tie back to your...
Undergraduateenifeni - Nov 23, 2014 / fatimakhan - Nov 23, 2014
|"You're a 7th grader now. You need to be responsible for your schoolwork" "Why Brown?" essay
Undergraduatedhizzy - Nov 19, 2014 / dhizzy - Nov 23, 2014
|Meeting James Watson, best day of your life. VTech Supplement
4 - I edited the paper by deleting some sentences and rewording a few as well. This is now down to...
Undergraduatetoughguy - Nov 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 23, 2014
|USC Incoming Freshman Supplements -- Both General and Viterbi School of Engineering Essays
5 - I think the passage that talks about your academic interest is too vague. You need to focus more on...
UndergraduateArchlefirth - Sep 9, 2014 / dominic_jiang - Nov 23, 2014
|Samsae-third generation Korean immigrant-born in Japan - learned of my Korean and Japanese heritage
10 - I was just making some suggestions to help you out :-) I would prefer that you develop your own...
Undergraduatekitakaname - Nov 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 23, 2014
|UC essay: How my world has shaped me, from denial to embrace
2 - Lei, right now this essay sounds more like a "central identity" paper than a "world shaped my traits essay"....
Undergraduatesarantsatsr - Nov 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 23, 2014
|I never saw myself as an average child - Elon Scholarship Essay
2 - Lauren, this is a very effective essay. You closely adhere to the prompt and explain how Stephen Hawking and...
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 23, 2014
|"Young antique" - challenge myself; common prompt1 essay
7 - - Field training for what? Be as specific as possible, don't leave the reader guessing since this essay...
Undergraduatesarahsos - Nov 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 22, 2014
|Creation of a program, and how it developed me. UC App Personal Statement 2
2 - Wilson, this is definitely an accomplishment that you should be proud of even if it happened at a very...
Undergraduatewilhui3977 - Nov 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 22, 2014
|My life, for as long as I can remember, has been rather good. I have always had advantages. UC essay
Undergraduatenvn7971 - Nov 19, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 22, 2014
|I take pride in everything the soccer game has been able to give me - UC Essay
UndergraduatePlsBrian22 - Nov 8, 2014 / PlsBrian22 - Nov 22, 2014
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