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|I had a great life in Russia, but I have always been challenging myself - BOARDING SCHOOL ESSAY
2 - Anastasia, your essay is quite interesting but you managed to clump together 2 years worth of experience into only...
Undergraduatelaissa - Nov 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 20, 2014
|Application essay for the Art Institute of Seattle - I do live in Washington, about 3 hours on south
2 - Well, obviously, I would recommend cutting the word count down a bit. If they suggest 150 words per question,...
Undergraduateshaylynn_97 - Nov 20, 2014 / vetementu - Nov 20, 2014
|"Acorn" As I sat on the cold, dewy grass, warming tears flooded down my face.
4 - Okay good, I will suggest you remove that ''acorn'' that stands alone in the first paragraph. Review your...
UndergraduateLaurenm14 - Nov 20, 2014 / Modewap - Nov 20, 2014
|'The study of physics never fails to bore me' - Governor's School Essay - Computational Physics
Undergraduatezxcv4306 - Nov 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 20, 2014
|For Good Measure: ApplyTexas Topic A; Interacting with people with different beliefs/experiences
4 - Arianne, that is the perfect anecdote to accompany this essay. It truly explains why you have a belief in...
Undergraduatearianne_mala - Nov 19, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 19, 2014
|UtProsim is way more than just a Latin saying, it's a lifestyle. VA Tech Essay application
4 - - Try to be specific instead of general. Explain the activities on campus that embodied UTProsim. Relate how...
Undergraduateaveiz100 - Nov 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 19, 2014
|I was short listed among the best twelve students that participated in the competition
UndergraduateModewap - Nov 17, 2014 / Modewap - Nov 19, 2014
|I failed... but at least next year's team will get the chance to succeed where I haven't.
UndergraduateDanah96 - Nov 9, 2014 / Danah96 - Nov 19, 2014
|I have become best friends with a stationary saw - I feel great working on my tiny house.
UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|UC Prompt 2- I opened my eyes, everything around me was blurry, and nothing made sense.
Undergraduateadu0010 - Nov 18, 2014 / adu0010 - Nov 18, 2014
|'What are the top five reasons you want to be a Hokie?'
2 - Alvaro, the reasons that you want to be a Hokie are not really that relevant to the essay. It...
Undergraduateaveiz100 - Nov 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|Learning in the school of life - College essay
4 - Louisa, here is my advice. Name the place that you went to aside from "The School of Life", then...
UndergraduateLouisatiara - Nov 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|There is a soldier who sees the world
Undergraduatefionaleeeee - Oct 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|how a motto can effect you
3 - Jagrit, this is not an essay that will impress the admissions officer. Something that happened to you in the...
Undergraduatechdboy - Nov 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|"So what's wrong?" Shrugging "I don't know, I don't fit isn't that obvious?"
5 - The prompt you chose means that it should be a story that changed the way you think, made you...
Undergraduateolaitan17 - Nov 16, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Nov 18, 2014
|My Korean Heritage - UC Personal Statement
Undergraduatekitakaname - Nov 15, 2014 / kitakaname - Nov 18, 2014
|"Mom, why are we moving again?" I lost count on how many times I've said this phrase over the years
5 - The world you come from sounds very interesting. It also presents a unique way of maturing far beyond your...
Undergraduatetimmyduong123 - Nov 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|University of California Personal Statement: What is your intended major?
2 - Tarou, there is room for improvement in your essay regardless of what the prompt you are trying to answer...
Undergraduatetseki - Nov 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|teenagers think that they are invincible - "About Me"- Georgetown Admissions Essay
2 - Nicole, the problem with re-purposed essays is that important elements of the original essay get lost in the rephrasing...
Undergraduatesnowy1624 - Nov 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|Elisa the Laptop- Story of someone in my life who is different from me, yet have learned from.
4 - I have actually talked to some people who are already admitted to the school I am in and they...
UndergraduateGuest - Nov 16, 2014 / Guest - Nov 17, 2014
|'Stubbornly Determined' - 'Common app prompt 3' essay
3 - Thank you for the response. I will write another essay on this prompt. And do you think it fits...
UndergraduateBeck23 - Nov 17, 2014 / Beck23 - Nov 17, 2014
|Food matters to me; I enjoy savoring the taste of a freshly cooked meal - Stanford essay
5 - - Since you already mention that food has a story to tell, you can include a transition sentence here...
UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Nov 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|I was so happy walking to any language classrooms, no matter what language it was; UC transfer
Undergraduatehhansaa - Nov 17, 2014 / hhansaa - Nov 17, 2014
|Generally, being a Ballerina equates to having an unhealthy obsession with your body
6 - Hadeel, this works as an extra curricular prompt essay. The only concern that I have about it is that...
UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Nov 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|Going abroad, my lifelong dream
3 - They are asking you why your world shaped your dreams and aspirations and how they shaped you into who...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 17, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Nov 17, 2014
|Immigration Acculturation and Adaptation
Undergraduateyryasindu - Nov 16, 2014 / melramadhani - Nov 17, 2014
|18 letters combined together to give this being known as "me" a name - Philosophical statement; UGA
UndergraduateGuest - Nov 15, 2014 / melramadhani - Nov 17, 2014
|"The Light Bulb that spoke volumes", Main common app essay Mount Holyoke, Kalamazoo applicant
2 - Enjila, the essay is quite informative and engaging. I specially like how you involve the senses of the reader...
Undergraduateenashley13 - Nov 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|The true and harsh reality is most students want immediate success without the necessary effort.
2 - Patrick, does the personal statement has a specific prompt that you are trying to address with this essay? You...
UndergraduatechemEngineer - Nov 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|Favorite Film: Frozen, Music: A Sailboat of Time (FANA), Musician: MOT (eAeon) - UChicago Supplement
2 - Hyunsu, your essay has a formatting issue. You are not supposed to discuss these themes as individual topics. You...
Undergraduatehyungjko - Nov 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|The wait is finally over. Its graduation day - becoming an adult person
2 - James, this is a unique essay regarding transitioning to adulthood. I doubt that there will be another essay like...
Undergraduatejamesjha - Nov 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|My belief, that Indonesians are not inferior in science, has been proven by my own bestfriend. MIT
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 15, 2014 / melramadhani - Nov 17, 2014
|The shining suit made me feel like the smartest person on our planet - Engineering for philantropy
2 - Lalit, what prompt are you trying to answer? The story you are telling seems to have a point that...
Undergraduateslalit - Nov 15, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|News was scrolling down the computer screen, announcing the situation of economy crisis in Britain
2 - Ada, while your essay is quite interesting to read, it does not respond to the prompt in the correct...
UndergraduateAda1206 - Nov 15, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|Dartmouth - interdisciplinary spirit, excellent education, and unique location; it's what I look for
2 - You need to revise the essay to remove all references to your desire to study at Dartmouth and the...
Undergraduateshachar183 - Nov 15, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|The Appeal - Some students have a background story that is so central to their identity
UndergraduateAmantesfaz - Nov 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|Discipline; At the time, I was unaware of my father's drug and alcohol addiction - UC Prompt #2
UndergraduateLitleG - Nov 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|MY common app main essay , event that make you an adult
3 - Well your essay is definitely well written. However, I have the feeling that you have not answered the prompt...
Undergraduatessushant - Nov 15, 2014 / alberic - Nov 16, 2014
|I consider myself to be the luckiest person alive, despite the fact that I don't own a Cadillac..
2 - I found one mistake when it comes to grammars in your essay 1.My mother noticed my petrified face...
UndergraduateSalmanKhagga - Nov 16, 2014 / alberic - Nov 16, 2014
|Everyone around told me I was reckless - interest or experience of yours that allows us to know..
Undergraduatejunlee306 - Nov 13, 2014 / alberic - Nov 16, 2014
|"Destination reached!" We had entered Pilani - home to one of the top engineering colleges in India.
Undergraduatedrawkward - Nov 14, 2014 / LitleG - Nov 16, 2014
|I wish my parents, relatives, friends, and teachers had never told me that I'm smart
Undergraduatefr0se - Nov 16, 2014 / firstywrites - Nov 16, 2014
|I was a kid with big dreams. Fashion was both an inspiration and an escape from my humdrum life.
3 - I think you should point out what has made your interest shifts, it may be something interesting that...
Undergraduateshanexo - Nov 13, 2014 / firstywrites - Nov 16, 2014
|Brown is the answer to my 10 year old ambitions - 'Why Brown?' Essay
9 - @vangiespen I think it's excellent because you were able to portray exactly what I wanted to say. I will...
UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Nov 12, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Nov 15, 2014
|How do you expect your education at the Art Insitute of -- to help you attain your career goals?
2 - Overall you didn't do anything bad in this essay, but nothing extraordinary either. What specific things you wish...
Undergraduatejasminenw97 - Nov 14, 2014 / shachar183 - Nov 15, 2014
|'Avalanche of clothes' - I Don't Want To Choose (Common App Essay Option 1)
2 - This is not central to your identity. Central to your identity is something that you have done for some...
Undergraduateshonakk - Nov 14, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 14, 2014
|Ingrown Toenails - Honors College Application Essay
3 - What on earth? I get trying to be unique, but this essay literally jumps off the cliff to its...
Undergraduatelivelax - Nov 13, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 14, 2014
|Wrestling with my fears - Essay for University of Washington, Seattle
7 - This is another revision, i modify the last part quite a lot I'm still trying to elaborate my values...
UndergraduateLouisatiara - Nov 12, 2014 / Louisatiara - Nov 14, 2014
|Northwestern Supplement - Future Bio Major
4 - -Chidera, don't waste time with fillers. You don't need to over explain things. Just answer what the prompt...
UndergraduateMugiwara17 - Nov 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 14, 2014
|"Pass me the ball!" I shouted as I sprinted across the gray concrete driveway.
12 - Prashanti, I suggest that you write two versions of the essay that contain the sentence I am suggesting as...
Undergraduateprashantic - Nov 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 14, 2014
|Relentlessness and Dedication that led to Success
UndergraduateRobert_T - Nov 13, 2014 / Robert_T - Nov 14, 2014
|"You're so tall. You don't need to wear heels" - UC Personal Statement (Prompt #2)
Undergraduategold42 - Nov 12, 2014 / samramandy - Nov 14, 2014
|'combination of personal and professional development factors' - why Undergraduate Psychology
4 - I would agree with Louisa. You can make the content relevant and make the sentence formation shorter and simpler,...
Undergraduatetanya_sandhu96 - Nov 13, 2014 / samramandy - Nov 14, 2014
|College Essay.. How having a single mother has influenced my identity
4 - Hello, You should take a look at posts from last year where we literally beat this dead horse...
UndergraduateAMD15 - Nov 13, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 13, 2014
|"At the mere age of eleven, my Meryl Streep obsession flourished..." Why Vassar?
3 - In this sentence, "Eleven-year-old me could ramble off petty Meryl trivia without even blinking, and every Meryl rampage included...
UndergraduateElaschanzky - Nov 12, 2014 / shanexo - Nov 13, 2014
|Batting an Eye - sexism in my life. Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea.
2 - Hello, Not sure if this fits the prompt as you do not demonstrate an "idea" that you challenged...
Undergraduateoxluckyxo - Nov 13, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 13, 2014
|I have a true passion for fashion and beauty - Fashion Institute of Technology essay
3 - Nowhere and I mean nowhere do you mention anything of real substance about FIT. Why should they let you...
Undergraduatesuuzannax33 - Nov 13, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 13, 2014
|Extraordinary documentary called 'Twitch' - American University Essay
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 13, 2014
|My freshman year as a member of the class of 2019 - VCU Essay
5 - Lauren, there is a lot of redundancy towards the end of the essay because you mention VCU so often....
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 13, 2014
|To become neurologist that specializes in neurodegenerative disorders that affect physical movement
4 - Lauren, your essay is ready content and theme wise. I just caught a few grammatical errors that we need...
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 13, 2014
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