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|Debate Team that I built from scratch
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 25, 2014 / melramadhani - Nov 25, 2014
|The world I come from : small city / digital world (Two ideas - choice) - MIT
6 - Of the two essays you've written, I believe that the second one does a better job of answering the...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 22, 2014 / bryantasticc - Nov 25, 2014
|Mathematics major; It took me quite a long time to finally realize what I wanted to study in college
18 - The combination of my suggestions and your original ideas seems to have worked very well. There are still some...
Undergraduatesoftball16 - Nov 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 25, 2014
|My dad and communities struggles have shaped my dreams and aspirations - UC Prompt #2
5 - Overall, your essay is personal. Just a minor grammatical correction, I've first handedly glimpsed should be I've first- handedly...
Undergraduatebryantasticc - Nov 23, 2014 / melramadhani - Nov 25, 2014
|Spoils of Hard Work - Pitzer Supplement
2 - Hi! Your essay is generally good, but you should mention the core value of Pitzer that you've been...
Undergraduategman1997 - Nov 23, 2014 / melramadhani - Nov 25, 2014
|My intended major - economy in Shanghai, China
Undergraduateyoyoprotein - Nov 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 24, 2014
|Keep on Fighting! You're almost there. - UC Prompt #2
4 - Olivia, You need to lay the foundation for the event that had dialogue at the start of the essay....
Undergraduateliviays - Nov 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 24, 2014
|Walking around the top observation deck of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, I realized my dream
4 - Karen, you have to understand that this event only marked a change in perspective. It did not represent a...
UndergraduateKaren219 - Nov 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 24, 2014
|"Studying history is important to me because history is all-encompassing" Cornell Essay help
7 - Thanks for the help. I'm feeling really good about it and will have my English teacher give it a...
Undergraduatedhizzy - Nov 22, 2014 / dhizzy - Nov 24, 2014
|I have a certain penchant towards video games. MSU essay
2 - add more strong lines in last para ...remove this line..i believe i am very creative...you have used it already...1st...
Undergraduateutkarsh3997 - Nov 24, 2014 / him827 - Nov 24, 2014
|I come from a world of fantasy - The World that inspired me is the Anime World.
Undergraduateachen0688 - Nov 21, 2014 / achen0688 - Nov 24, 2014
|I come from a family that was socially classified as different, and was therefore looked down
Undergraduatejonep - Nov 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 23, 2014
|Acquired knowledge in practice - My first hospital visits as a Medical Assistant student
2 - I really love your voice; you seem like a very likable person!! :-) Your experiences tie back to your...
Undergraduateenifeni - Nov 23, 2014 / fatimakhan - Nov 23, 2014
|"You're a 7th grader now. You need to be responsible for your schoolwork" "Why Brown?" essay
Undergraduatedhizzy - Nov 19, 2014 / dhizzy - Nov 23, 2014
|Meeting James Watson, best day of your life. VTech Supplement
4 - I edited the paper by deleting some sentences and rewording a few as well. This is now down to...
Undergraduatetoughguy - Nov 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 23, 2014
|USC Incoming Freshman Supplements -- Both General and Viterbi School of Engineering Essays
5 - I think the passage that talks about your academic interest is too vague. You need to focus more on...
UndergraduateArchlefirth - Sep 9, 2014 / dominic_jiang - Nov 23, 2014
|Samsae-third generation Korean immigrant-born in Japan - learned of my Korean and Japanese heritage
10 - I was just making some suggestions to help you out :-) I would prefer that you develop your own...
Undergraduatekitakaname - Nov 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 23, 2014
|UC essay: How my world has shaped me, from denial to embrace
2 - Lei, right now this essay sounds more like a "central identity" paper than a "world shaped my traits essay"....
Undergraduatesarantsatsr - Nov 23, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 23, 2014
|I never saw myself as an average child - Elon Scholarship Essay
2 - Lauren, this is a very effective essay. You closely adhere to the prompt and explain how Stephen Hawking and...
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 23, 2014
|"Young antique" - challenge myself; common prompt1 essay
7 - - Field training for what? Be as specific as possible, don't leave the reader guessing since this essay...
Undergraduatesarahsos - Nov 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 22, 2014
|Creation of a program, and how it developed me. UC App Personal Statement 2
2 - Wilson, this is definitely an accomplishment that you should be proud of even if it happened at a very...
Undergraduatewilhui3977 - Nov 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 22, 2014
|My life, for as long as I can remember, has been rather good. I have always had advantages. UC essay
Undergraduatenvn7971 - Nov 19, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 22, 2014
|I take pride in everything the soccer game has been able to give me - UC Essay
UndergraduatePlsBrian22 - Nov 8, 2014 / PlsBrian22 - Nov 22, 2014
|Beyond your academic credentials, what else makes you unique and colorful? William and Mary essay
3 - This is a wonderful essay. Really demonstrates your inquisitive spirt through a fun, playful anecdote. I really think your...
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 20, 2014 / dhizzy - Nov 22, 2014
|I'll tell you something about me: I am alive... Penn State Personal Statement
Undergraduatekyrajay - Nov 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 22, 2014
|Studying here is a distinctive opportunity that many enlightened-mind students dream of
Undergraduateissamafayad - Nov 21, 2014 / issamafayad - Nov 22, 2014
|Criminology as my planned major - UC Transfer Personal Statement
Undergraduateosmoyo - Nov 21, 2014 / osmoyo - Nov 22, 2014
|Elon Gap Semester Program gives me the opportunity to learn in a completely new and innovative way
2 - Excellent work Lauren! I would not change any part of this essay because it answers the prompt in a...
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 21, 2014
|I always I asked my mom when I would get the chance to go inside of one plane
3 - I like your essay, but I feel as if this particular story adds nothing to your application except that...
Undergraduatechdboy - Nov 20, 2014 / vetementu - Nov 21, 2014
|"Are you okay, mom?" That question when I queried, my mother always replied "yes" Personal statement
UndergraduateTeresa194 - Nov 21, 2014 / hunhann - Nov 21, 2014
|University of Chicago - "word that cannot be translated"
7 - No matter what anyone says, I think this essay is brilliantly written, I remember looking over it a week...
Undergraduatelukemillerq - Nov 10, 2014 / nkp28 - Nov 20, 2014
|I had a great life in Russia, but I have always been challenging myself - BOARDING SCHOOL ESSAY
2 - Anastasia, your essay is quite interesting but you managed to clump together 2 years worth of experience into only...
Undergraduatelaissa - Nov 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 20, 2014
|Application essay for the Art Institute of Seattle - I do live in Washington, about 3 hours on south
2 - Well, obviously, I would recommend cutting the word count down a bit. If they suggest 150 words per question,...
Undergraduateshaylynn_97 - Nov 20, 2014 / vetementu - Nov 20, 2014
|"Acorn" As I sat on the cold, dewy grass, warming tears flooded down my face.
4 - Okay good, I will suggest you remove that ''acorn'' that stands alone in the first paragraph. Review your...
UndergraduateLaurenm14 - Nov 20, 2014 / Modewap - Nov 20, 2014
|'The study of physics never fails to bore me' - Governor's School Essay - Computational Physics
Undergraduatezxcv4306 - Nov 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 20, 2014
|For Good Measure: ApplyTexas Topic A; Interacting with people with different beliefs/experiences
4 - Arianne, that is the perfect anecdote to accompany this essay. It truly explains why you have a belief in...
Undergraduatearianne_mala - Nov 19, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 19, 2014
|UtProsim is way more than just a Latin saying, it's a lifestyle. VA Tech Essay application
4 - - Try to be specific instead of general. Explain the activities on campus that embodied UTProsim. Relate how...
Undergraduateaveiz100 - Nov 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 19, 2014
|I was short listed among the best twelve students that participated in the competition
UndergraduateModewap - Nov 17, 2014 / Modewap - Nov 19, 2014
|I failed... but at least next year's team will get the chance to succeed where I haven't.
UndergraduateDanah96 - Nov 9, 2014 / Danah96 - Nov 19, 2014
|I have become best friends with a stationary saw - I feel great working on my tiny house.
UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|UC Prompt 2- I opened my eyes, everything around me was blurry, and nothing made sense.
Undergraduateadu0010 - Nov 18, 2014 / adu0010 - Nov 18, 2014
|'What are the top five reasons you want to be a Hokie?'
2 - Alvaro, the reasons that you want to be a Hokie are not really that relevant to the essay. It...
Undergraduateaveiz100 - Nov 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|Learning in the school of life - College essay
4 - Louisa, here is my advice. Name the place that you went to aside from "The School of Life", then...
UndergraduateLouisatiara - Nov 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|There is a soldier who sees the world
Undergraduatefionaleeeee - Oct 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|how a motto can effect you
3 - Jagrit, this is not an essay that will impress the admissions officer. Something that happened to you in the...
Undergraduatechdboy - Nov 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|"So what's wrong?" Shrugging "I don't know, I don't fit isn't that obvious?"
5 - The prompt you chose means that it should be a story that changed the way you think, made you...
Undergraduateolaitan17 - Nov 16, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Nov 18, 2014
|My Korean Heritage - UC Personal Statement
Undergraduatekitakaname - Nov 15, 2014 / kitakaname - Nov 18, 2014
|"Mom, why are we moving again?" I lost count on how many times I've said this phrase over the years
5 - The world you come from sounds very interesting. It also presents a unique way of maturing far beyond your...
Undergraduatetimmyduong123 - Nov 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|University of California Personal Statement: What is your intended major?
2 - Tarou, there is room for improvement in your essay regardless of what the prompt you are trying to answer...
Undergraduatetseki - Nov 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 18, 2014
|teenagers think that they are invincible - "About Me"- Georgetown Admissions Essay
2 - Nicole, the problem with re-purposed essays is that important elements of the original essay get lost in the rephrasing...
Undergraduatesnowy1624 - Nov 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|Elisa the Laptop- Story of someone in my life who is different from me, yet have learned from.
4 - I have actually talked to some people who are already admitted to the school I am in and they...
UndergraduateGuest - Nov 16, 2014 / Guest - Nov 17, 2014
|'Stubbornly Determined' - 'Common app prompt 3' essay
3 - Thank you for the response. I will write another essay on this prompt. And do you think it fits...
UndergraduateBeck23 - Nov 17, 2014 / Beck23 - Nov 17, 2014
|Food matters to me; I enjoy savoring the taste of a freshly cooked meal - Stanford essay
4 - - Since you already mention that food has a story to tell, you can include a transition sentence here...
UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Nov 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|I was so happy walking to any language classrooms, no matter what language it was; UC transfer
Undergraduatehhansaa - Nov 17, 2014 / hhansaa - Nov 17, 2014
|Generally, being a Ballerina equates to having an unhealthy obsession with your body
6 - Hadeel, this works as an extra curricular prompt essay. The only concern that I have about it is that...
UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Nov 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|Going abroad, my lifelong dream
3 - They are asking you why your world shaped your dreams and aspirations and how they shaped you into who...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 17, 2014 / Ghfdw17 - Nov 17, 2014
|Immigration Acculturation and Adaptation
Undergraduateyryasindu - Nov 16, 2014 / melramadhani - Nov 17, 2014
|18 letters combined together to give this being known as "me" a name - Philosophical statement; UGA
UndergraduateGuest - Nov 15, 2014 / melramadhani - Nov 17, 2014
|"The Light Bulb that spoke volumes", Main common app essay Mount Holyoke, Kalamazoo applicant
2 - Enjila, the essay is quite informative and engaging. I specially like how you involve the senses of the reader...
Undergraduateenashley13 - Nov 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
|The true and harsh reality is most students want immediate success without the necessary effort.
2 - Patrick, does the personal statement has a specific prompt that you are trying to address with this essay? You...
UndergraduatechemEngineer - Nov 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 17, 2014
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