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|"Pass me the ball!" I shouted as I sprinted across the gray concrete driveway.
12 - Prashanti, I suggest that you write two versions of the essay that contain the sentence I am suggesting as...
Undergraduateprashantic - Nov 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 14, 2014
|Relentlessness and Dedication that led to Success
UndergraduateRobert_T - Nov 13, 2014 / Robert_T - Nov 14, 2014
|"You're so tall. You don't need to wear heels" - UC Personal Statement (Prompt #2)
Undergraduategold42 - Nov 12, 2014 / samramandy - Nov 14, 2014
|'combination of personal and professional development factors' - why Undergraduate Psychology
4 - I would agree with Louisa. You can make the content relevant and make the sentence formation shorter and simpler,...
Undergraduatetanya_sandhu96 - Nov 13, 2014 / samramandy - Nov 14, 2014
|College Essay.. How having a single mother has influenced my identity
4 - Hello, You should take a look at posts from last year where we literally beat this dead horse...
UndergraduateAMD15 - Nov 13, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 13, 2014
|"At the mere age of eleven, my Meryl Streep obsession flourished..." Why Vassar?
3 - In this sentence, "Eleven-year-old me could ramble off petty Meryl trivia without even blinking, and every Meryl rampage included...
UndergraduateElaschanzky - Nov 12, 2014 / shanexo - Nov 13, 2014
|Batting an Eye - sexism in my life. Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea.
2 - Hello, Not sure if this fits the prompt as you do not demonstrate an "idea" that you challenged...
Undergraduateoxluckyxo - Nov 13, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 13, 2014
|I have a true passion for fashion and beauty - Fashion Institute of Technology essay
3 - Nowhere and I mean nowhere do you mention anything of real substance about FIT. Why should they let you...
Undergraduatesuuzannax33 - Nov 13, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 13, 2014
|Extraordinary documentary called 'Twitch' - American University Essay
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 13, 2014
|My freshman year as a member of the class of 2019 - VCU Essay
5 - Lauren, there is a lot of redundancy towards the end of the essay because you mention VCU so often....
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 13, 2014
|To become neurologist that specializes in neurodegenerative disorders that affect physical movement
4 - Lauren, your essay is ready content and theme wise. I just caught a few grammatical errors that we need...
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 13, 2014
|I come from a family whose most common cause of death is cancer. Rutgers Undergrad Admission 2015
4 - - You can skip this paragraph because it does not tell the admissions officer anything related to the...
Undergraduatedangelos120 - Nov 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 13, 2014
|Competitiveness is an important personal quality that had shaped me into the person I am today
7 - gold42 I like your writing style its marvelous. could you please help me with my sop my username is:...
UndergraduateBlackGypsy - Nov 12, 2014 / nasarslan - Nov 13, 2014
|'I found it in a dusty corner in the basement of my aunt's house in Chicago' - SYRACUSE APPLICATION
UndergraduateDedewill - Nov 12, 2014 / gold42 - Nov 12, 2014
|My oddly way I'd want to spend my free Saturdays - CommonApp extracurricular essay
4 - Emily, I agree that the way you presented yourself in this essay is quite abrasive. However, I believe that...
UndergraduateElaschanzky - Nov 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 12, 2014
|"What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail"? Common App Questions for VCU
6 - Sarah, don't fret. Essays pass through numerous drafts before they become perfect enough to consider for submission. Here is...
Undergraduatesstewart15 - Nov 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 12, 2014
|Growing up I was always an uncaring and irresponsible kid - about one interest or experience
3 - Luis, while you have written a very touching story, there is a problem in the way you presented it...
Undergraduates150122 - Nov 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 12, 2014
|Red Cross volunteering - a huge step towards my goals in the medical profession
6 - Lauren, this is a very good essay. It clearly shows the participation that you had in the activity and...
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 12, 2014
|I had my mind set on going abroad for college, and all before that has felt like an intermission
3 - This is a really great essay, one of the best I have seen so far this admissions cycle. While...
Undergraduateshanexo - Nov 12, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 12, 2014
|Model rockets rocketed me into a love for science. Computer Science Major, Personal Statement - WIT
3 - Your essay seems very disjointed and was very hard to read. In the beginning, I didn't understand the context....
Undergraduatedavidb12 - Nov 11, 2014 / vetementu - Nov 12, 2014
|Brown is the answer to my 10 year old ambitions - 'Why Brown?' Essay
5 - I agree with admission2012. Your essay would benefit from you talking about why women's rights is important to you,...
UndergraduateGhfdw17 - Nov 12, 2014 / vetementu - Nov 12, 2014
|Before going to Vipassana (a silent meditation retreat) I was trying to find myself. CommonApp Essay
2 - Lili, is there a way that you can tell this story without having to muddle the experience with the...
Undergraduateliliyaah - Nov 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 12, 2014
|For twelve years of my life, I lived beside this river - Brown's essay: the places you have lived
4 - Hello, I normally advise clients to be as specific as possible. However, for this essay prompt, they are...
UndergraduateBlueClara - Nov 11, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 12, 2014
|Why did you choose University of Central Florida?
4 - Sebastien, you should structure your essay around your choice of majors and how the University of Central Florida curriculum...
Undergraduatejohnredcolt3 - Nov 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 11, 2014
|What does your Oberlin look like? - Supplemental Essay for Oberlin College
Undergraduatekitakaname - Nov 8, 2014 / kitakaname - Nov 11, 2014
|I'm passionately aiming for a Psychology major. "How can you benefit from the education at AUC?"
UndergraduateChA - Nov 10, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 11, 2014
|It is my home. There is nowhere else like it "Why University of Chicago?"; essay on fearless inquiry
Undergraduatelukemillerq - Nov 10, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 10, 2014
|KOD: Knowledge on Display - Kalamazoo Supplemental Essay
7 - Definitely :D The K-Plan at Kalamazoo is a wonderful example of how to continue expanding my education and...
UndergraduateKasamira - Nov 10, 2014 / Kasamira - Nov 10, 2014
|Overcoming my past and seeing my potential - application essay
Undergraduatecbissereth - Nov 7, 2014 / cbissereth - Nov 10, 2014
|Not much happens in a town that can be completely mapped out in someone's head; essay choice
3 - Sarah, although I am not sure about what essay prompt you are answering, I can tell you that the...
Undergraduatesage0497 - Nov 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 10, 2014
|I own my own practice and employ many others who also help families reunite - my accomplishments
2 - - Tiera, don't be modest in this essay. You are supposed to be presenting your ten year career plan...
Undergraduatetiera7 - Nov 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 10, 2014
|"if only I weren't blind..." - St. Mary college essay about transformative experience
Undergraduateconfusing girl - Nov 9, 2014 / confusing girl - Nov 10, 2014
|My blind friends and I (common app essay prompt4)
2 - Kirin, you totally missed the point of the prompt. You need to choose a specific place that you frequent...
Undergraduateconfusing girl - Nov 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 10, 2014
|Growing up with an orphan - background or story vs identity essay
Undergraduatesaiai24 - Nov 6, 2014 / saiai24 - Nov 10, 2014
|Explain how Kalamazoo College's approach to education will help you explore your ideas
UndergraduatePranu - Oct 31, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 10, 2014
|I always enjoyed the fashion world since I was a little girl. Fashion runs in my family.
6 - Erika, I will be posting a whittled down version of your essay that makes it tighter and closer to...
Undergraduateewi85 - Nov 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 9, 2014
|I always had an affinity for animals, and I was often called the animal/pet whisperer by my parents
3 - - Amani, this should be your first paragraph because it represents the familiarity that you have with UW-Madison...
Undergraduateaj97 - Nov 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 9, 2014
|Neurodegenerative disease and its impact on a person - Washington and Lee Essay
4 - Lauren, I just noticed some grammar problems with the essay you probably committed in the rush to revise the...
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 9, 2014
|Where I come from does not define who I am. I come from a loving home in Richmond, California
2 - Jennifer, the essay does not sound like it has already ended. There was no real sentence at the end...
Undergraduaterjennifer713 - Nov 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 9, 2014
|A Heartbreaking Summer - Stage 3 Colon Cancer - UW Madison Essay
3 - Thank you! So you're saying I should be more descriptive in the end instead of finishing it off like...
Undergraduateaj97 - Nov 9, 2014 / aj97 - Nov 9, 2014
|Besides ... Then why? Georgia Tech Supplemental
5 - . One of the most satisfying moments it is moment instead of moments and is something you can remove...
Undergraduatecherren - Nov 8, 2014 / Vns9x - Nov 9, 2014
|There is nothing that I want more than to follow my dreams of being a retail buyer - FIDM Essay
4 - "I will explore the topics of what my hobbies, and special interests are, my reasoning behind choosing FIDM, what...
UndergraduateMayaMaldonado - Nov 8, 2014 / rjennifer713 - Nov 9, 2014
|The element I endear most about the band room is that there are no rules set to follow
UndergraduateKristinField - Nov 9, 2014 / LitleG - Nov 9, 2014
|My volunteer activity at a Korean-Japanese museum in Tokyo - UIUC ESSAY
Undergraduatekitakaname - Nov 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 9, 2014
|"We shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us" - Every goal in life is determined by the actions
Undergraduatejdlr22 - Nov 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 9, 2014
|The brief of Carnaval - Process analysis essay
3 - thanks for ur feedback; i have to write a five-paragraph essay on The process of a holiday, it means...
Undergraduatehnlt - Nov 8, 2014 / hnlt - Nov 8, 2014
|'I got hired as an office assistant on campus' - UC Personal Statement Prompt 2
6 - I am honestly very grateful right now, thank you very much for your help. This means so much to...
Undergraduatesoftball16 - Nov 6, 2014 / softball16 - Nov 8, 2014
|Personal Statement, The Whistler Trip - Undergraduate
Undergraduategreendarin12 - Nov 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 8, 2014
|"A Ladder" - My name is Alina and the age doesn't matter. Welcome to my world
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Nov 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 7, 2014
|I am engaged in an environmental organization - your extracurricular actions
Undergraduatensumanepal - Nov 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 7, 2014
|Challenge a Belief (suicidal friend) - College Essay
3 - Bhatz, I would start off the essay by presenting a friendship quote along the lines of "Friends don't betray...
Undergraduatebhatz - Nov 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 6, 2014
|"Benvenuti in Italia!" - A part of who I am is Capri, Italy - FSU 2015 Summer Essay
4 - Yes, your essay is very well written and descriptive. I like how you incorporated your story into the end...
UndergraduateLaurenm14 - Nov 5, 2014 / Kasamira - Nov 6, 2014
|"The minute that you're not learning I believe you're dead" - FSU application essay
3 - When I was 11 my mother was finally granted with the amazing opportunity to move to the United States...
Undergraduatearletys - Oct 13, 2014 / Laurenm14 - Nov 6, 2014
|Today young people don't have to be afraid of fierce competitions and face of challenges bravely.
3 - Louisa,thanks for your suggstion:)I admire your native expresions very much.I'm preparing for NEEP in China.But studying in foreign countries...
UndergraduateDomain - Nov 5, 2014 / Domain - Nov 6, 2014
|Just like someone chooses a partner for the rest of their life, I fell in love with Colorado College
3 - Hi Jorge, I think you should add something about your intended field of study and the opportunities CC has...
UndergraduateDavidGuti97 - Nov 5, 2014 / gia - Nov 5, 2014
|'From a young age, I found a feeling of comfort in music' - William and Mary Essay
2 - Hello, I really wanted to like this essay but you did not even answer the prompt correctly. "What...
Undergraduatevetementu - Nov 5, 2014 / admission2012 - Nov 5, 2014
|Female Characters in Video Games - Common App Essay #1
10 - Vangiespen, thank you so much for all of your help! I showed it to my AP Literature teacher and...
Undergraduatenrnr29 - Nov 2, 2014 / nrnr29 - Nov 5, 2014
|I believe in God because scientific theories are more trustworthy than fantasy novels; Stanford
2 - In fact, you never explained why questioning is so important to you. You are telling the Comittee what happened...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Nov 5, 2014 / AlinaSkripets - Nov 5, 2014
|Encouraged to test a spectrum of activities - including dance, softball, basketball, choir, and art.
3 - Hey Morganh, Good start on the essay...it's good to see you've really been thinking about all the stuff you've...
UndergraduateMorganh - Nov 4, 2014 / aadmissionado - Nov 5, 2014
|Throughout life, everyone is forced to encounter obstacles that may seem impossible to overcome
UndergraduateMorganh - Nov 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Nov 5, 2014
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