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|'I spent plenty of time watching television' - your major and your school; why did you choose it?
UndergraduateSire - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|"Do what you love"; "what do I love to do though?" -- my family
Undergraduatejayj - Oct 25, 2014 / jayj - Oct 29, 2014
|'I have learnt to draw a distinction between passion and interest' - Agriculture and Life Sciences
Undergraduatemyming - Oct 29, 2014 / lightjade - Oct 29, 2014
|'the amenities the school has to offer' - University of North Carolina Wilmington
Undergraduatebeccagrapevines - Oct 29, 2014 / beccagrapevines - Oct 29, 2014
|I make "to do" lists (I love organization) - UVA essay on Quirks
4 - Very creative. Where you say "English Essay: done, cross that off. " and "Thank you note: written, scratch through...
Undergraduateannelb97 - Oct 29, 2014 / beccagrapevines - Oct 29, 2014
|Fixing connectedness - UM Pre-Essay
2 - M. Riley, your first essay is quite good. However, the idea of teaching at Sunday school depicts an image...
UndergraduateUMhopeful - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|"Across the Bridge" Prompt 1 Central ID Story - Common APP essay
2 - Jesus, this is admirable essay. However, I believe that you need to develop the voices that you hear in...
UndergraduateMartinez - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|I cannot wait to proudly call myself a member of the Ram family. VCU Admission Essay
2 - Kobina, I have some notes for you to consider regarding your essay. These are important so please take note...
Undergraduaterg33gr - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|Design an academic course Emory Prompt 1 essay
UndergraduateMismak17 - Oct 28, 2014 / Mismak17 - Oct 29, 2014
|Patience, dedication and motivation are three traits I stand by.
5 - I took your advice and change a lot throughout the essay. Please continue with the feedback and edits. Thank...
Undergraduatecson722 - Oct 27, 2014 / cson722 - Oct 29, 2014
|This journey isn't a simple road trip that you sometimes get lost in - UF APPLICATION
Undergraduatetrinity1 - Oct 26, 2014 / trinity1 - Oct 29, 2014
|ITT Entrance Essay - "What subjects inspire you?"
2 - Danyal, the essay is asking you to discuss an academic area that inspires you. In this case, the academic...
UndergraduateSire - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|Large, swivelly computer chair in front of my laptop, headphones on, glass of milk - it's my place
Undergraduatemongy910 - Oct 29, 2014 / mongy910 - Oct 29, 2014
|The first place that comes to mind is the toddler classroom of my church - Perfectly Content?
2 - This essay seems pretty good but I think it could be better. You should try to explain some of...
UndergraduateCommonapp - Oct 29, 2014 / Sire - Oct 29, 2014
|UM- Originality in why I choose their school
UndergraduateUMBound15 - Oct 29, 2014 / rg33gr - Oct 29, 2014
|'born between my loving mother and my grandparents' - UPenn Personal Essay
3 - Thank you so much for the suggestions vangiespen I appreciate your suggestions. I have rewritten the essay and tried...
UndergraduateUPenn2015 - Oct 28, 2014 / UPenn2015 - Oct 29, 2014
|"Tell me what happened" - VCU Struggle Essay
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|I was five years of old when my whole world collapsed - UF "good life" essay
5 - Thanks for the help so much!!! The deadline is November 1 but i was advised to submit my application...
UndergraduateVTP77 - Oct 28, 2014 / VTP77 - Oct 29, 2014
|UVA-Work of literature that has inspired me-Fast Food Nation
Undergraduateestherh - Oct 28, 2014 / estherh - Oct 29, 2014
|'I blamed my father' - Common APP essay "Lose but gain"
4 - Heather, the thing is, you can't be told how to be an adult. The discussion with your father is...
Undergraduatekkkkkrypton - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|IELTS: satisfying working environment is far more important than the security of a job
4 - Anytime job satisfaction. Because, everyday in life with satisfaction is worth living. A stressed life, no matter how secure...
Undergraduatezzwestmanzz - Oct 28, 2014 / susanne - Oct 29, 2014
|"You have put in the miles..." Cross-Country Running (College Essay)
5 - Hi LMPG while it is good, there are some tense consistency errors please revise make sure that...
UndergraduateLPMG - Sep 29, 2014 / love11234 - Oct 28, 2014
|The sweet succulent aroma of food oozed into my room through the partially opened door
2 - Danyal, this is a very effective essay that explains the conflicting worlds that you came from and how you...
UndergraduateSire - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|Burning Popcorn at the Movies - Stanford Activities Essay
2 - Your statement is clear and prompted, however I think you should put more meaning into the last sentences about...
Undergraduatemichelle21 - Oct 28, 2014 / cson722 - Oct 28, 2014
|"Did you make that?" "Yeah, I did." - UIUC Explain your interest in the major you selected.
2 - Jlee, this is an essay that answers the prompt in the most personal manner. It has excellently described who...
UndergraduateJlee327 - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|Eyes, with pride - Lourdes music program
7 - You did even better work with this version Paul. It is quite detailed, without going into too much details,...
Undergraduateburton300 - Oct 27, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|"A Mentor's Mentor" - Communities Essay - The University of Michigan
3 - Jo, you mentioned towards the end that you are a mentors mentor. What exactly does that mean? To those...
Undergraduatejto822 - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|'there is so much I aim to accomplish' - How do you plan to succeed at VCU?
2 - Lauren, you have very good introductory statements for each plan of action that you present. You just need to...
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|"What's the flow rate?" asks my coworker - "28.32 seconds" I replied - NOAA Internship - Stanford
2 - you can say how NOAA led you to discover your passions for engineering and environmental conservation. Most importantly, my...
UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 27, 2014 / Charphil - Oct 28, 2014
|"Where shall I put this?" "The projector isn't working!"
2 - Great essay! I love the questions at the beginning. I would say just a few minor points. Make sure...
Undergraduatepning - Oct 28, 2014 / Lucy2457 - Oct 28, 2014
|I've always had the desire to learn and to well to others - "good life"
2 - I think you should clear up your notion of the good life. When you talk about others notions it...
UndergraduateHachote - Oct 28, 2014 / jayj - Oct 28, 2014
|- "My effective leadership": an MIT application essay -
UndergraduateMr T - Oct 27, 2014 / UPenn2015 - Oct 28, 2014
|College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, Penn Engineering; school choice
12 - Thank you so much for your suggestions. I appreciate your help. Regarding the final paragraph, my intention wasn't...
Undergraduateabubakir1997 - Oct 23, 2014 / UPenn2015 - Oct 28, 2014
|I have developed a natural interest in observing how different groups communicate between each other
3 - Urban areas and their common issues, like traffic, violence, and street maintenance, also fascinate me having spent a trimester...
Undergraduatecafeitalia - Oct 27, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 28, 2014
|"We are already here, living in the future." University of Michigan application essays
2 - I like both your essays. I think they are fairly adequate for supplements. However, for the first one maybe...
Undergraduatetfire - Oct 28, 2014 / enashley13 - Oct 28, 2014
|A girl who loves engineering; WHAT motivated you to apply Rice Unversity?
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|It was supposed to be a calm evening. Nightmare in Yosemite.
5 - Bob, reading your essay, I cannot help, in the mindset of the admissions officer, but wonder if you had...
Undergraduatefearthemaster - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|Film photography feels like my own; it gives me ability to explore unknown things, even the dead now
3 - - Lauren, personalize this line in order to let the reader know that you are talking about your...
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 27, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|"Oh, those kids always misbehave. They're really obnoxious" - MSU essay
4 - You can use the quote to kick off your essay. I would suggest making that the introduction to the...
Undergraduatejim975 - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|Describe interesting interaction you've had, who's the person and what's the nature (500) - Yale-NUS
3 - How about this? However, digital interactions are not as fun as real ones. I miss his robotic...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Oct 27, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 28, 2014
|MIT Essay - Three Notebooks - modes buttons
3 - I agree that it might be best to focus on one attribute as requested by the prompt. This would...
UndergraduateMMUTHIAA - Oct 27, 2014 / remi1520 - Oct 27, 2014
|my burning passion to learn - Primary Goal for as a student Essay for VCU
2 - I suggest you take a more personal route with this essay. The way you wrote it just seems very...
Undergraduaterg33gr - Oct 27, 2014 / restinpizza - Oct 27, 2014
|Another cool summer night in Hobi - common app
Undergraduatexgchenx - Oct 25, 2014 / xgchenx - Oct 27, 2014
|I failed to make my high school golf team, I chose to learn from it - early action
2 - Hi, I think that your essay was good but you can vary sentence structure. A lot of the sentences...
UndergraduateApocolyptosaur - Oct 27, 2014 / fearthemaster - Oct 27, 2014
|Graduates from the University of Michigan have at least one job offer before they finish their study
2 - Claire, your essay is currently cluttered with half developed reasons for wanting to transfer to the University of Michigan....
Undergraduatebulldog123 - Oct 27, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 27, 2014
|I am a level 5 cheerleader - UF Student Resume
2 - In the summer of 2013 I volunteered at a vacation bible school to set up the venue, served as...
Undergraduatemalicia - Oct 27, 2014 / fearthemaster - Oct 27, 2014
|"Journal of the History of Medicine" Why Yale Supplement
5 - Hi, Try to include specific programs at Yale that are not available to students elsewhere. You can check their...
Undergraduatesbdaiquiri - Dec 29, 2009 / fearthemaster - Oct 27, 2014
|Every single time I complain about Boulder, Colorado my mom remind me about my 'America' excitement
Undergraduatenshrestha - Oct 27, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|I have been Singaporean, Chinese, English or Hongkongese, depending on how I felt at the time.
2 - Well, this is a good-crafted essay that the admission committees seems to like. You demonstrated a rich cultural diversity...
Undergraduatejwkskgv - Oct 27, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|I believe in laughter. Stanford Supplement Essay
UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 23, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|Fascinated by accredited computer science program / Nigeria - Syracuse University essays
UndergraduateDapocalypse7 - Oct 24, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|Challenge. From jaw-breaking rides to ambitious projects - Essay for Stanford
4 - -- Revision phase I : Challenge. From jaw-breaking rides to ambitious projects, from pageant contest to...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Oct 27, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|"Eat Veggies, Not Friends" - Vegan Roommate - Stanford Essay (Supplement)
4 - Your essay is enjoyable to read and very personal. I like the way you flow the story. You also...
UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|My mother came to me in a dream - University of Kentucky
2 - Alexis, it would seem that although you are presenting a creative story, and that is what it is, a...
Undergraduatea_sweezy - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 27, 2014
|Usually, when someone describes "the good life", the first thing that comes to mind is money
2 - Mariana , I am not sure about how the story about attending the class your father taught helped add...
Undergraduatelyoko299 - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|Random Order Reading - UVA Quirks
3 - In my opinion, you answered the essay question completely. The best thing is that you 'showed' and didn't just...
UndergraduateTaylor_Cole - Oct 26, 2014 / piraka9011 - Oct 26, 2014
|The moment I watched Professor Max Paul Friedman's Convocation Speech
2 - Lauren while you present very compelling reasons for wishing to attend American University because of the professors, your essay...
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|My past inspiring moment, whats presently motivating me, where do I " dream" myself in the future
2 - After reading through the book with my mother I remember tellingtellingtold to her. She inspired me with her...
Undergraduatekrystlef1982 - Oct 26, 2014 / YULIS - Oct 26, 2014
|I had the opportunity to watch a close friend of mine read her acceptance letter from Northwestern
5 - Haha thanks a ton! I guess it really wasn't needed, waste of 62 words. Thanks Trahm and tifatiger...
Undergraduatexgchenx - Oct 26, 2014 / xgchenx - Oct 26, 2014
|I have got a Cornell Supplement essay - it need to be checked
4 - Jack, you discuss which ever game was harder for you to develop in order to better present your abilities...
Undergraduateyummydonut - Oct 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
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