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|A Secret Worth Sharing
Undergraduatezhuzhu08 - Oct 30, 2014 / restinpizza - Oct 31, 2014
|I hated ballet- Common App Essay
5 - Thank you! You're comment seriously made me tear up. I feel very confident in submitting this essay, thank you...
UndergraduateMegan642 - Oct 30, 2014 / Megan642 - Oct 31, 2014
|GAP year essay for common app required explanation. Mount Holyoke College Applicant
Undergraduateenashley13 - Oct 28, 2014 / enashley13 - Oct 31, 2014
|Nigerian - I have always felt like an outcast - Wisconsin Unnoticed essay
4 - I believe that you can also use this essay for your central identity prompt but you will have to...
UndergraduateDapocalypse7 - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 31, 2014
|'sitting on the steps of the Low Memorial Library' - Columbia University essay
6 - I just remembered an anecdote that would connect architecture and my desire for liberal arts! (with your help) Thanks...
Undergraduatesenpenguin - Oct 29, 2014 / senpenguin - Oct 30, 2014
|"choose career you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life" - FIT admission essay
Undergraduateryleeclark - Oct 23, 2014 / heyitsrylee - Oct 30, 2014
|For the past 10 years of my life, I have been deeply involved with my district's 4-H Program
Undergraduatearfieldsy - Oct 30, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 30, 2014
|I had never expected that Economics would become my dream major - UIUC essay
4 - A few sentences of whole paragraphs about it, either way will work. What is important is that you are...
Undergraduatekkkkkrypton - Oct 30, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 30, 2014
|The word "Ethiopian" over the years have been manipulated to mean so many things nowadays
6 - i really don't know which parts to shorten but i understand it being too long and cutting out unnecessary...
UndergraduateMismak17 - Oct 27, 2014 / Mismak17 - Oct 30, 2014
|The sky flamed like an overripe mango; vivid reds and oranges spilling into the horizon.
3 - Sarah, I agree with Shannon in this case. You just need to revise the introduction to the paragraph. I...
Undergraduatesingah - Oct 30, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 30, 2014
|If I'd follow the path of what society thinks about ways to become successful, I would fail.
Undergraduateqweralokd - Oct 30, 2014 / qweralokd - Oct 30, 2014
|Essay on swimming - it's part of my life - Babson
8 - Louisa, thanks for helping me with this! Below is my final version. I've always thought that being short...
UndergraduateCharphil - Oct 28, 2014 / Charphil - Oct 30, 2014
|Home is Where Honduras is - some things are best when together - my goal and passion
5 - Hey Andrew, Your essay looks fine and I really liked the ending. However, as I read through it,...
UndergraduateAndrewT97 - Oct 29, 2014 / Charphil - Oct 30, 2014
|Leaving everyone I know in my small circle of friends and family (in Egypt)
4 - In my opinion, you should not include the part where Cyber Security is highly sought out by employers. I...
UndergraduateMrfuzz - Oct 30, 2014 / AndrewT97 - Oct 30, 2014
|For the past 17 years of painful transitions I have gained great understanding of different cultures
3 - I can't thank you enough for your detailed and well developed feedback and I agree with you on most...
UndergraduateMrfuzz - Oct 30, 2014 / Mrfuzz - Oct 30, 2014
|Self realization - satisfaction breeds complacency and propels the mindset of mediocrity
Undergraduatenanaakosah - Oct 29, 2014 / nanaakosah - Oct 30, 2014
|Let your life speak! Living in Saudi Arabia I became accustomed to acting with stoic reservation
2 - Danah, since you have written you want to be a doctor, univeristies may enroll you as a medical freshman,...
UndergraduateDanah96 - Oct 30, 2014 / kkkkkrypton - Oct 30, 2014
|Life Amidst Death - Saturdays in the garden are my weekly treasures (Common App prompt 4)
5 - This is a beautiful essay, definitely shows that you're such an ardent wordsmith. Just a minor grammatical error :...
Undergraduatelightjade - Oct 29, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 30, 2014
|Half of a Whole (death of twin brother) Personal Statement
3 - Mireya, this is a very good topic for your Central ID essay. However, I feel that there is in...
Undergraduatemirrrrr - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|The decision of what career I would like to pursue is a very difficult and stressful time for me
Undergraduatetm71207 - Oct 27, 2014 / mirrrrr - Oct 29, 2014
|"vegetarian manner of living would most beneficially influence the lot of mankind" Ignorance = Bliss
3 - Rebecca, this is not an essay that answers the prompt. You are being asked to address an issue that...
Undergraduatebeccagrapevines - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|"A life marked by a high standard of living" - The Good Life Essay for University of Florida
2 - I really like your concept about the good life just being life. However, you have some grammar issues and...
UndergraduateDJ2015 - Oct 29, 2014 / mirrrrr - Oct 29, 2014
|My first job at a fast food restaurant in an amusement park when I truly began to mature
Undergraduatedumbnerd123 - Oct 26, 2014 / dumbnerd123 - Oct 29, 2014
|'I spent plenty of time watching television' - your major and your school; why did you choose it?
UndergraduateSire - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|"Do what you love"; "what do I love to do though?" -- my family
Undergraduatejayj - Oct 25, 2014 / jayj - Oct 29, 2014
|'I have learnt to draw a distinction between passion and interest' - Agriculture and Life Sciences
Undergraduatemyming - Oct 29, 2014 / lightjade - Oct 29, 2014
|'the amenities the school has to offer' - University of North Carolina Wilmington
Undergraduatebeccagrapevines - Oct 29, 2014 / beccagrapevines - Oct 29, 2014
|I make "to do" lists (I love organization) - UVA essay on Quirks
4 - Very creative. Where you say "English Essay: done, cross that off. " and "Thank you note: written, scratch through...
Undergraduateannelb97 - Oct 29, 2014 / beccagrapevines - Oct 29, 2014
|Fixing connectedness - UM Pre-Essay
2 - M. Riley, your first essay is quite good. However, the idea of teaching at Sunday school depicts an image...
UndergraduateUMhopeful - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|"Across the Bridge" Prompt 1 Central ID Story - Common APP essay
2 - Jesus, this is admirable essay. However, I believe that you need to develop the voices that you hear in...
UndergraduateMartinez - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|I cannot wait to proudly call myself a member of the Ram family. VCU Admission Essay
2 - Kobina, I have some notes for you to consider regarding your essay. These are important so please take note...
Undergraduaterg33gr - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|Design an academic course Emory Prompt 1 essay
UndergraduateMismak17 - Oct 28, 2014 / Mismak17 - Oct 29, 2014
|Patience, dedication and motivation are three traits I stand by.
5 - I took your advice and change a lot throughout the essay. Please continue with the feedback and edits. Thank...
Undergraduatecson722 - Oct 27, 2014 / cson722 - Oct 29, 2014
|This journey isn't a simple road trip that you sometimes get lost in - UF APPLICATION
Undergraduatetrinity1 - Oct 26, 2014 / trinity1 - Oct 29, 2014
|ITT Entrance Essay - "What subjects inspire you?"
2 - Danyal, the essay is asking you to discuss an academic area that inspires you. In this case, the academic...
UndergraduateSire - Oct 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|Large, swivelly computer chair in front of my laptop, headphones on, glass of milk - it's my place
Undergraduatemongy910 - Oct 29, 2014 / mongy910 - Oct 29, 2014
|The first place that comes to mind is the toddler classroom of my church - Perfectly Content?
2 - This essay seems pretty good but I think it could be better. You should try to explain some of...
UndergraduateCommonapp - Oct 29, 2014 / Sire - Oct 29, 2014
|UM- Originality in why I choose their school
UndergraduateUMBound15 - Oct 29, 2014 / rg33gr - Oct 29, 2014
|'born between my loving mother and my grandparents' - UPenn Personal Essay
3 - Thank you so much for the suggestions vangiespen I appreciate your suggestions. I have rewritten the essay and tried...
UndergraduateUPenn2015 - Oct 28, 2014 / UPenn2015 - Oct 29, 2014
|"Tell me what happened" - VCU Struggle Essay
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|I was five years of old when my whole world collapsed - UF "good life" essay
5 - Thanks for the help so much!!! The deadline is November 1 but i was advised to submit my application...
UndergraduateVTP77 - Oct 28, 2014 / VTP77 - Oct 29, 2014
|'I blamed my father' - Common APP essay "Lose but gain"
4 - Heather, the thing is, you can't be told how to be an adult. The discussion with your father is...
Undergraduatekkkkkrypton - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 29, 2014
|IELTS: satisfying working environment is far more important than the security of a job
4 - Anytime job satisfaction. Because, everyday in life with satisfaction is worth living. A stressed life, no matter how secure...
Undergraduatezzwestmanzz - Oct 28, 2014 / susanne - Oct 29, 2014
|"You have put in the miles..." Cross-Country Running (College Essay)
5 - Hi LMPG while it is good, there are some tense consistency errors please revise make sure that...
UndergraduateLPMG - Sep 29, 2014 / love11234 - Oct 28, 2014
|The sweet succulent aroma of food oozed into my room through the partially opened door
2 - Danyal, this is a very effective essay that explains the conflicting worlds that you came from and how you...
UndergraduateSire - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|Burning Popcorn at the Movies - Stanford Activities Essay
2 - Your statement is clear and prompted, however I think you should put more meaning into the last sentences about...
Undergraduatemichelle21 - Oct 28, 2014 / cson722 - Oct 28, 2014
|"Did you make that?" "Yeah, I did." - UIUC Explain your interest in the major you selected.
2 - Jlee, this is an essay that answers the prompt in the most personal manner. It has excellently described who...
UndergraduateJlee327 - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|UVA-Work of literature that has inspired me-Fast Food Nation
3 - Esther, I was able to bring your word count down to 204 just by eliminating the filler introductory statement....
Undergraduateestherh - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|Eyes, with pride - Lourdes music program
7 - You did even better work with this version Paul. It is quite detailed, without going into too much details,...
Undergraduateburton300 - Oct 27, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|"A Mentor's Mentor" - Communities Essay - The University of Michigan
3 - Jo, you mentioned towards the end that you are a mentors mentor. What exactly does that mean? To those...
Undergraduatejto822 - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|'there is so much I aim to accomplish' - How do you plan to succeed at VCU?
2 - Lauren, you have very good introductory statements for each plan of action that you present. You just need to...
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|"What's the flow rate?" asks my coworker - "28.32 seconds" I replied - NOAA Internship - Stanford
2 - you can say how NOAA led you to discover your passions for engineering and environmental conservation. Most importantly, my...
UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 27, 2014 / Charphil - Oct 28, 2014
|"Where shall I put this?" "The projector isn't working!"
2 - Great essay! I love the questions at the beginning. I would say just a few minor points. Make sure...
Undergraduatepning - Oct 28, 2014 / Lucy2457 - Oct 28, 2014
|I've always had the desire to learn and to well to others - "good life"
2 - I think you should clear up your notion of the good life. When you talk about others notions it...
UndergraduateHachote - Oct 28, 2014 / jayj - Oct 28, 2014
|- "My effective leadership": an MIT application essay -
UndergraduateMr T - Oct 27, 2014 / UPenn2015 - Oct 28, 2014
|College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, Penn Engineering; school choice
12 - Thank you so much for your suggestions. I appreciate your help. Regarding the final paragraph, my intention wasn't...
Undergraduateabubakir1997 - Oct 23, 2014 / UPenn2015 - Oct 28, 2014
|I have developed a natural interest in observing how different groups communicate between each other
3 - Urban areas and their common issues, like traffic, violence, and street maintenance, also fascinate me having spent a trimester...
Undergraduatecafeitalia - Oct 27, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 28, 2014
|"We are already here, living in the future." University of Michigan application essays
2 - I like both your essays. I think they are fairly adequate for supplements. However, for the first one maybe...
Undergraduatetfire - Oct 28, 2014 / enashley13 - Oct 28, 2014
|A girl who loves engineering; WHAT motivated you to apply Rice Unversity?
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|It was supposed to be a calm evening. Nightmare in Yosemite.
5 - Bob, reading your essay, I cannot help, in the mindset of the admissions officer, but wonder if you had...
Undergraduatefearthemaster - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
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