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|"Eat Veggies, Not Friends" - Vegan Roommate - Stanford Essay (Supplement)
4 - Your essay is enjoyable to read and very personal. I like the way you flow the story. You also...
UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|My mother came to me in a dream - University of Kentucky
2 - Alexis, it would seem that although you are presenting a creative story, and that is what it is, a...
Undergraduatea_sweezy - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 27, 2014
|Usually, when someone describes "the good life", the first thing that comes to mind is money
2 - Mariana , I am not sure about how the story about attending the class your father taught helped add...
Undergraduatelyoko299 - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|Random Order Reading - UVA Quirks
3 - In my opinion, you answered the essay question completely. The best thing is that you 'showed' and didn't just...
UndergraduateTaylor_Cole - Oct 26, 2014 / piraka9011 - Oct 26, 2014
|The moment I watched Professor Max Paul Friedman's Convocation Speech
2 - Lauren while you present very compelling reasons for wishing to attend American University because of the professors, your essay...
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|My past inspiring moment, whats presently motivating me, where do I " dream" myself in the future
2 - After reading through the book with my mother I remember tellingtellingtold to her. She inspired me with her...
Undergraduatekrystlef1982 - Oct 26, 2014 / YULIS - Oct 26, 2014
|I had the opportunity to watch a close friend of mine read her acceptance letter from Northwestern
5 - Haha thanks a ton! I guess it really wasn't needed, waste of 62 words. Thanks Trahm and tifatiger...
Undergraduatexgchenx - Oct 26, 2014 / xgchenx - Oct 26, 2014
|I have got a Cornell Supplement essay - it need to be checked
4 - Jack, you discuss which ever game was harder for you to develop in order to better present your abilities...
Undergraduateyummydonut - Oct 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|My Best Worst Experience - Summer Camp Abroad (alone) at the age of 8. -- Common App Personal Essay
6 - Salma, I can understand how traveling alone for the first time and attending camp can be a traumatic experience...
Undergraduatesalmaelazhary - Oct 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|It's university where I can expand my innovative and creative ideas - My Yale supplemental essays
3 - "Over the summer, I was became very interested in social theory and cultural analysis, while I was in Merida,...
Undergraduaterp22 - Oct 26, 2014 / jkhalifeh93 - Oct 26, 2014
|Sassy afro'd women-UVA sup. essay
2 - Taylor, the first thing that I noticed about this essay was that although you presented a very detailed description...
UndergraduateTaylor_Cole - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|I have always had a fear of not being able to fit in - connection to place essay
3 - I actually had a different idea at first, and due to your comment I have written a different introduction:...
Undergraduatetiffatiger - Oct 26, 2014 / tiffatiger - Oct 26, 2014
|When I was 10 years old my dad, brother and I drove to Madison for a soccer tournament - admission
2 - Hi, I think your ideas are there, although i'm not sure since you didn't include the prompt. However, the...
Undergraduateahanson - Oct 26, 2014 / xgchenx - Oct 26, 2014
|"Out of clutter find simplicity, from discord find harmony, in the middle of difficulty lies ..."
Undergraduatepeperoniz - Oct 26, 2014 / Taylor_Cole - Oct 26, 2014
|My ethnicity is Syrian. My dad is from Damascus - MIT Cultural Background Essay
Undergraduatepiraka9011 - Oct 26, 2014 / Taylor_Cole - Oct 26, 2014
|"Guys, strive for the best!" - The experience of Volleyball Team; Rice supplement
8 - very good ending. You kinda lost me in this sentence: As an individual, progressing from a bench player who...
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 18, 2014 / 16chauc - Oct 26, 2014
|A pronounced dead child is now 17 years old and living.
UndergraduateXena - Oct 26, 2014 / Xena - Oct 26, 2014
|UVA quirks essay: my bed
3 - I agree, thanks for that ado cue I've actually chosen a second topic that I feel is much better!...
UndergraduateKirby - Oct 26, 2014 / Kirby - Oct 26, 2014
|'I left my junior year confused, slightly out of touch with reality' - Mary Washington essay
4 - Revised Mary Washington Essay? Prompt: Please share a pivotal moment in your educational career when you have taken...
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 22, 2014 / restinpizza - Oct 26, 2014
|Komunitas Jendela - Explanation of Gap Year (COMMONAPP)
3 - What do you think about this edited version? End of high school. I was stuck, losing understanding of...
Undergraduatealiefmoulana - Oct 24, 2014 / aliefmoulana - Oct 26, 2014
|a personal quirk is a part of who you are; supplemental essay
8 - Hi, Vangiespen. I really appeciate for your constant help. I am now working on other supplements for Rice University!...
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 24, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Oct 26, 2014
|Common app essay - How i conquered my inner fear and challenged a belief.
Undergraduateayoni - Oct 25, 2014 / ayoni - Oct 26, 2014
|"A competitive problem solver" - Georgetown MSB Supplement
3 - Hi! I agree with what Vangiespe said. Since you are not an undecided majoy(you said that you want to...
Undergraduateiitsjenna - Oct 24, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Oct 26, 2014
|Travelling back to my past - Stanford
5 - Khaliun, the essay does not clearly state the reason that you went to Singapore to study. Was this a...
Undergraduatehaliunsora - Oct 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|I am keen to develop essential design skills via Oshman Engineering Design Kitchen - Rice University
7 - Hi, Vangiespen. Okay, I would delete the last sentence right now! Your answer is quite inspiring. I gain a...
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 25, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Oct 26, 2014
|Studying the brain - Cognitive Neuroscience- Brown Supplement
4 - Erica, your introduction has greatly improved. Now, let me tell you why your essay sounds dull. You have not...
Undergraduateericaaya - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|The Ranch - the land is in full bloom with dahlias and tulips leave colorful spots in the green
3 - Yes, that is the correct prompt. Thank you for your feedback! I will definetly look into reformatting it....
Undergraduatemrinalnag - Oct 24, 2014 / mrinalnag - Oct 25, 2014
|"One Piece"; "dad's old laptop"; "two years between graduation and moving to US" - essays for MIT
3 - Thawsitt, from what I can tell, the answers you have given answers the prompt very well. However, I would...
UndergraduateMr T - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|The Garage and HiBay- Common App
5 - Having read both essay excerpts, my opinion, is that you should also stick to the first essay more because...
Undergraduateterminatio - Oct 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|"Oh, you got that grade cause you're Asian" - Challenging a belief or idea
7 - Esther, this is a very good revision. You have made it very informative and your position on challenging racial...
Undergraduateestherh - Oct 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|relationships, brotherhood, environment - Three main advantages for living in a small community
4 - @aliefmoulana: Thank you very much for your help! About the sentence: "Those conditions help (grammar?) their emotions always stay...
UndergraduateTHANHDANG - Oct 23, 2014 / THANHDANG - Oct 25, 2014
|"daddy issues" complex form - My dad influences me in a way that he sickens me to my stomach
Undergraduatecyeng15 - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|Penn M&T Supplement Essay - Robotics, Business, and Engineering
9 - Hannah, no, it does not mesh better with the prompt. You still failed to answer the prompt of the...
Undergraduatehmay - Oct 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|Upload a short essay about your most memorable musical experience. (Peabody Institute)
2 - Will, the first thing that i noticed about the essay is that you need to revise the tenses usage....
Undergraduatephantasmous - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|Today, we live in a world that has very little regard for our planet and its inhabitants
2 - This is a very long sentence: People live in large cities, full of noise and pollution, disregarding their civic...
Undergraduaterayanimal - Oct 25, 2014 / LPMG - Oct 25, 2014
|HORROR MOVIES! - UChicago Q#2 Interests: books/movies/artitsts
3 - Alright thank you! I entered spaces here so it can be clear but in the actual doccument its 2...
Undergraduatesalmaelazhary - Oct 25, 2014 / salmaelazhary - Oct 25, 2014
|Harvey Mudd, Why Its a Good fit for Me, Rocketry and More
Undergraduatestormclad - Oct 25, 2014 / stormclad - Oct 25, 2014
|TAKING ANOTHER STEP Dreams and inspirations are built as children observe the world surrounding them
Undergraduatemhfu17 - Oct 19, 2014 / mhfu17 - Oct 25, 2014
|MIT - Cooking is an experiment I don't have to write a lab report for - I do it for pleasure
2 - Ashley, here is my take on your statement with a reduced word count: Cooking the only type of...
Undergraduateashluu - Oct 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|"Where are you from?" I have never been able to answer easily - Computer Science Common Application
Undergraduatesandershihacker - Oct 24, 2014 / sandershihacker - Oct 25, 2014
|This is me - not only a religious person, but also i have many abilities.
UndergraduatesyahidMA - Oct 25, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 25, 2014
|Waste Management Archaeology; Common Application Essay First Draft: Background Story Central to Life
3 - I really liked this. while reading it i could actually imagine you digging out things from the dumpster as...
Undergraduateas1234 - Oct 23, 2014 / salmaelazhary - Oct 25, 2014
|Common app - How has your story defined you?
3 - This is really good. I especially liked the way you linked your hook with your concluding sentence. However i...
UndergraduateRawrKiwiz - Oct 24, 2014 / salmaelazhary - Oct 25, 2014
|Helping a Friend with Anorexia - UC Prompt #1/Cornell CALS Supplement
Undergraduatedumbnerd123 - Oct 11, 2014 / dumbnerd123 - Oct 25, 2014
|Harmony in all aspects of life matters to me - Stanford
3 - What matters to you, and why? Harmony in all aspects of life matters to me. Harmony is tuning...
Undergraduatepeperoniz - Oct 23, 2014 / peperoniz - Oct 25, 2014
|Challenging Religion to Become a Better Person (I'm 50 words over the limit)
3 - Thanks! My biggest issue is the word count so I'm going to have to work on condensing some parts....
Undergraduateswdasa - Oct 24, 2014 / swdasa - Oct 24, 2014
|UCHICAGO Essay - DARK SKY, ROOFTOP, AND A CUP OF WARM CHOCOLATE
2 - wow...After reading your essay, I realize that as a foreigner, I really couldn't understand some phrases and expression. Maybe...
Undergraduatealiefmoulana - Oct 24, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Oct 24, 2014
|The silence was deafening. Tennis court - Common App Essay
4 - This is very good liomio..but take Lucy's advice,and your essay will be polished.I think you're a good writer.Can you...
Undergraduateliomio - Oct 23, 2014 / Atom007 - Oct 24, 2014
|My Father's Dedication - my values and principles were altered because of him
3 - There are a lot of grammatical errors you should watch out for. e.g here are some suggestions: ...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Oct 23, 2014 / Dapocalypse7 - Oct 24, 2014
|"Observe the Global Warming " - An intellectual experience. Dartmouth supplement
3 - Adding personal experience is a good tactic. In your conclusion try to incorporate your teacher. What part does...
Undergraduatedominic_jiang - Oct 23, 2014 / RawrKiwiz - Oct 24, 2014
|My Mothers Accident- A Common Application
UndergraduateKarlyC - Oct 24, 2014 / aliefmoulana - Oct 24, 2014
|Campus Construction - Renovation of the UET Peshawar building
2 - To guarantee qualitative improvement of UET Peshawar building, all departments' buildings will be renovated within 3 years, s o...
UndergraduateMudassir - Oct 23, 2014 / aliefmoulana - Oct 24, 2014
|MIT Supplements: Culture/Activity for Pleasure/Department/Attribute/Challenge
Undergraduatecollegeplease - Oct 23, 2014 / collegeplease - Oct 24, 2014
|industrial and interaction design / grown man who is doing what he loves - Syracuse Questions
UndergraduateKevstevbot - Oct 21, 2014 / Kevstevbot - Oct 23, 2014
|No Goodbye - I had to accept the inevitable occurrence and move on with life - Commonapp
UndergraduateAllotey - Oct 23, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2014
|Family of doctor and geophysicist - international student/ penn state personal statement
UndergraduateDapocalypse7 - Oct 23, 2014 / YULIS - Oct 23, 2014
|When does narrative cross into wordiness?
UndergraduateHan1 - Oct 22, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2014
|Going outside my "bubble" - Common App Essay
Undergraduateeugene_611925 - Oct 23, 2014 / bratt99 - Oct 23, 2014
|Being the only South Asian child in the australian neighborhood - USF UNDERGRADUATE COLLEGE ESSAY
6 - Firstly , well done! Secondly, attempt utilizing more academic vocabulary instead of using get , good, bad......
Undergraduateshamrazaman - Oct 19, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 23, 2014
|The sights! The smells! The sounds! The atmosphere! - VCU admission essay
4 - I agree with the above statement. Northern Virginia, and that's experiences. Making experience, making ins and...
UndergraduateAmirahxr - Oct 22, 2014 / collegeplease - Oct 23, 2014
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