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|"What's the flow rate?" asks my coworker - "28.32 seconds" I replied - NOAA Internship - Stanford
2 - you can say how NOAA led you to discover your passions for engineering and environmental conservation. Most importantly, my...
UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 27, 2014 / Charphil - Oct 28, 2014
|"Where shall I put this?" "The projector isn't working!"
2 - Great essay! I love the questions at the beginning. I would say just a few minor points. Make sure...
Undergraduatepning - Oct 28, 2014 / Lucy2457 - Oct 28, 2014
|I've always had the desire to learn and to well to others - "good life"
2 - I think you should clear up your notion of the good life. When you talk about others notions it...
UndergraduateHachote - Oct 28, 2014 / jayj - Oct 28, 2014
|- "My effective leadership": an MIT application essay -
UndergraduateMr T - Oct 27, 2014 / UPenn2015 - Oct 28, 2014
|College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, Penn Engineering; school choice
12 - Thank you so much for your suggestions. I appreciate your help. Regarding the final paragraph, my intention wasn't...
Undergraduateabubakir1997 - Oct 23, 2014 / UPenn2015 - Oct 28, 2014
|I have developed a natural interest in observing how different groups communicate between each other
3 - Urban areas and their common issues, like traffic, violence, and street maintenance, also fascinate me having spent a trimester...
Undergraduatecafeitalia - Oct 27, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 28, 2014
|"We are already here, living in the future." University of Michigan application essays
2 - I like both your essays. I think they are fairly adequate for supplements. However, for the first one maybe...
Undergraduatetfire - Oct 28, 2014 / enashley13 - Oct 28, 2014
|A girl who loves engineering; WHAT motivated you to apply Rice Unversity?
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|It was supposed to be a calm evening. Nightmare in Yosemite.
5 - Bob, reading your essay, I cannot help, in the mindset of the admissions officer, but wonder if you had...
Undergraduatefearthemaster - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|Film photography feels like my own; it gives me ability to explore unknown things, even the dead now
3 - - Lauren, personalize this line in order to let the reader know that you are talking about your...
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 27, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|"Oh, those kids always misbehave. They're really obnoxious" - MSU essay
4 - You can use the quote to kick off your essay. I would suggest making that the introduction to the...
Undergraduatejim975 - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 28, 2014
|Describe interesting interaction you've had, who's the person and what's the nature (500) - Yale-NUS
3 - How about this? However, digital interactions are not as fun as real ones. I miss his robotic...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Oct 27, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 28, 2014
|MIT Essay - Three Notebooks - modes buttons
3 - I agree that it might be best to focus on one attribute as requested by the prompt. This would...
UndergraduateMMUTHIAA - Oct 27, 2014 / remi1520 - Oct 27, 2014
|my burning passion to learn - Primary Goal for as a student Essay for VCU
2 - I suggest you take a more personal route with this essay. The way you wrote it just seems very...
Undergraduaterg33gr - Oct 27, 2014 / restinpizza - Oct 27, 2014
|Another cool summer night in Hobi - common app
Undergraduatexgchenx - Oct 25, 2014 / xgchenx - Oct 27, 2014
|I failed to make my high school golf team, I chose to learn from it - early action
2 - Hi, I think that your essay was good but you can vary sentence structure. A lot of the sentences...
UndergraduateApocolyptosaur - Oct 27, 2014 / fearthemaster - Oct 27, 2014
|Graduates from the University of Michigan have at least one job offer before they finish their study
2 - Claire, your essay is currently cluttered with half developed reasons for wanting to transfer to the University of Michigan....
Undergraduatebulldog123 - Oct 27, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 27, 2014
|I am a level 5 cheerleader - UF Student Resume
2 - In the summer of 2013 I volunteered at a vacation bible school to set up the venue, served as...
Undergraduatemalicia - Oct 27, 2014 / fearthemaster - Oct 27, 2014
|"Journal of the History of Medicine" Why Yale Supplement
4 - Hi, Try to include specific programs at Yale that are not available to students elsewhere. You can check their...
Undergraduatesbdaiquiri - Dec 29, 2009 / fearthemaster - Oct 27, 2014
|Every single time I complain about Boulder, Colorado my mom remind me about my 'America' excitement
Undergraduatenshrestha - Oct 27, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|I have been Singaporean, Chinese, English or Hongkongese, depending on how I felt at the time.
2 - Well, this is a good-crafted essay that the admission committees seems to like. You demonstrated a rich cultural diversity...
Undergraduatejwkskgv - Oct 27, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|I believe in laughter. Stanford Supplement Essay
UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 23, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|Fascinated by accredited computer science program / Nigeria - Syracuse University essays
UndergraduateDapocalypse7 - Oct 24, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|Challenge. From jaw-breaking rides to ambitious projects - Essay for Stanford
4 - -- Revision phase I : Challenge. From jaw-breaking rides to ambitious projects, from pageant contest to...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Oct 27, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|"Eat Veggies, Not Friends" - Vegan Roommate - Stanford Essay (Supplement)
4 - Your essay is enjoyable to read and very personal. I like the way you flow the story. You also...
UndergraduateLucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014 / melramadhani - Oct 27, 2014
|My mother came to me in a dream - University of Kentucky
2 - Alexis, it would seem that although you are presenting a creative story, and that is what it is, a...
Undergraduatea_sweezy - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 27, 2014
|Usually, when someone describes "the good life", the first thing that comes to mind is money
2 - Mariana , I am not sure about how the story about attending the class your father taught helped add...
Undergraduatelyoko299 - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|Random Order Reading - UVA Quirks
3 - In my opinion, you answered the essay question completely. The best thing is that you 'showed' and didn't just...
UndergraduateTaylor_Cole - Oct 26, 2014 / piraka9011 - Oct 26, 2014
|The moment I watched Professor Max Paul Friedman's Convocation Speech
2 - Lauren while you present very compelling reasons for wishing to attend American University because of the professors, your essay...
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|My past inspiring moment, whats presently motivating me, where do I " dream" myself in the future
2 - After reading through the book with my mother I remember tellingtellingtold to her. She inspired me with her...
Undergraduatekrystlef1982 - Oct 26, 2014 / YULIS - Oct 26, 2014
|I had the opportunity to watch a close friend of mine read her acceptance letter from Northwestern
5 - Haha thanks a ton! I guess it really wasn't needed, waste of 62 words. Thanks Trahm and tifatiger...
Undergraduatexgchenx - Oct 26, 2014 / xgchenx - Oct 26, 2014
|I have got a Cornell Supplement essay - it need to be checked
4 - Jack, you discuss which ever game was harder for you to develop in order to better present your abilities...
Undergraduateyummydonut - Oct 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|My Best Worst Experience - Summer Camp Abroad (alone) at the age of 8. -- Common App Personal Essay
6 - Salma, I can understand how traveling alone for the first time and attending camp can be a traumatic experience...
Undergraduatesalmaelazhary - Oct 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|It's university where I can expand my innovative and creative ideas - My Yale supplemental essays
3 - "Over the summer, I was became very interested in social theory and cultural analysis, while I was in Merida,...
Undergraduaterp22 - Oct 26, 2014 / jkhalifeh93 - Oct 26, 2014
|Sassy afro'd women-UVA sup. essay
2 - Taylor, the first thing that I noticed about this essay was that although you presented a very detailed description...
UndergraduateTaylor_Cole - Oct 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|I have always had a fear of not being able to fit in - connection to place essay
3 - I actually had a different idea at first, and due to your comment I have written a different introduction:...
Undergraduatetiffatiger - Oct 26, 2014 / tiffatiger - Oct 26, 2014
|When I was 10 years old my dad, brother and I drove to Madison for a soccer tournament - admission
2 - Hi, I think your ideas are there, although i'm not sure since you didn't include the prompt. However, the...
Undergraduateahanson - Oct 26, 2014 / xgchenx - Oct 26, 2014
|"Out of clutter find simplicity, from discord find harmony, in the middle of difficulty lies ..."
Undergraduatepeperoniz - Oct 26, 2014 / Taylor_Cole - Oct 26, 2014
|My ethnicity is Syrian. My dad is from Damascus - MIT Cultural Background Essay
Undergraduatepiraka9011 - Oct 26, 2014 / Taylor_Cole - Oct 26, 2014
|"Guys, strive for the best!" - The experience of Volleyball Team; Rice supplement
8 - very good ending. You kinda lost me in this sentence: As an individual, progressing from a bench player who...
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 18, 2014 / 16chauc - Oct 26, 2014
|A pronounced dead child is now 17 years old and living.
UndergraduateXena - Oct 26, 2014 / Xena - Oct 26, 2014
|UVA quirks essay: my bed
3 - I agree, thanks for that ado cue I've actually chosen a second topic that I feel is much better!...
UndergraduateKirby - Oct 26, 2014 / Kirby - Oct 26, 2014
|'I left my junior year confused, slightly out of touch with reality' - Mary Washington essay
4 - Revised Mary Washington Essay? Prompt: Please share a pivotal moment in your educational career when you have taken...
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Oct 22, 2014 / restinpizza - Oct 26, 2014
|Komunitas Jendela - Explanation of Gap Year (COMMONAPP)
3 - What do you think about this edited version? End of high school. I was stuck, losing understanding of...
Undergraduatealiefmoulana - Oct 24, 2014 / aliefmoulana - Oct 26, 2014
|a personal quirk is a part of who you are; supplemental essay
8 - Hi, Vangiespen. I really appeciate for your constant help. I am now working on other supplements for Rice University!...
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 24, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Oct 26, 2014
|Common app essay - How i conquered my inner fear and challenged a belief.
Undergraduateayoni - Oct 25, 2014 / ayoni - Oct 26, 2014
|"A competitive problem solver" - Georgetown MSB Supplement
3 - Hi! I agree with what Vangiespe said. Since you are not an undecided majoy(you said that you want to...
Undergraduateiitsjenna - Oct 24, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Oct 26, 2014
|Travelling back to my past - Stanford
5 - Khaliun, the essay does not clearly state the reason that you went to Singapore to study. Was this a...
Undergraduatehaliunsora - Oct 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|I am keen to develop essential design skills via Oshman Engineering Design Kitchen - Rice University
7 - Hi, Vangiespen. Okay, I would delete the last sentence right now! Your answer is quite inspiring. I gain a...
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 25, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Oct 26, 2014
|Studying the brain - Cognitive Neuroscience- Brown Supplement
4 - Erica, your introduction has greatly improved. Now, let me tell you why your essay sounds dull. You have not...
Undergraduateericaaya - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|The Ranch - the land is in full bloom with dahlias and tulips leave colorful spots in the green
3 - Yes, that is the correct prompt. Thank you for your feedback! I will definetly look into reformatting it....
Undergraduatemrinalnag - Oct 24, 2014 / mrinalnag - Oct 25, 2014
|"One Piece"; "dad's old laptop"; "two years between graduation and moving to US" - essays for MIT
3 - Thawsitt, from what I can tell, the answers you have given answers the prompt very well. However, I would...
UndergraduateMr T - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|The Garage and HiBay- Common App
5 - Having read both essay excerpts, my opinion, is that you should also stick to the first essay more because...
Undergraduateterminatio - Oct 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|"Oh, you got that grade cause you're Asian" - Challenging a belief or idea
7 - Esther, this is a very good revision. You have made it very informative and your position on challenging racial...
Undergraduateestherh - Oct 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|relationships, brotherhood, environment - Three main advantages for living in a small community
4 - @aliefmoulana: Thank you very much for your help! About the sentence: "Those conditions help (grammar?) their emotions always stay...
UndergraduateTHANHDANG - Oct 23, 2014 / THANHDANG - Oct 25, 2014
|"daddy issues" complex form - My dad influences me in a way that he sickens me to my stomach
Undergraduatecyeng15 - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|Penn M&T Supplement Essay - Robotics, Business, and Engineering
9 - Hannah, no, it does not mesh better with the prompt. You still failed to answer the prompt of the...
Undergraduatehmay - Oct 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|Upload a short essay about your most memorable musical experience. (Peabody Institute)
2 - Will, the first thing that i noticed about the essay is that you need to revise the tenses usage....
Undergraduatephantasmous - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|Today, we live in a world that has very little regard for our planet and its inhabitants
2 - This is a very long sentence: People live in large cities, full of noise and pollution, disregarding their civic...
Undergraduaterayanimal - Oct 25, 2014 / LPMG - Oct 25, 2014
|HORROR MOVIES! - UChicago Q#2 Interests: books/movies/artitsts
3 - Alright thank you! I entered spaces here so it can be clear but in the actual doccument its 2...
Undergraduatesalmaelazhary - Oct 25, 2014 / salmaelazhary - Oct 25, 2014
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