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|UNIVERSITY COLORADO BOULDER. (How you could increase our diverse and inclusive community?)
2 - They think your essay is great, you seemed to briefly address each aspect. Your story is very important, as...
UndergraduateCaptainCook - Oct 22, 2014 / fordeja1 - Oct 22, 2014
|"Remains of War: Capitalists. Communists. War." - Common App Essay
Undergraduateegn711 - Oct 19, 2014 / egn711 - Oct 21, 2014
|'I hate trade-offs': why Barnard?
2 - I like your essay! However, the beginning "first and foremost, I would require more than 250 words," sounds a...
Undergraduatemgirl - Oct 21, 2014 / estherh - Oct 21, 2014
|Life in Pictures and Shapes - Common App Essay
Undergraduatefwei15 - Oct 21, 2014 / estherh - Oct 21, 2014
|'I represented my country at the highest level' - University of California Prompt
UndergraduateCaptainCook - Oct 20, 2014 / gbekil - Oct 21, 2014
|My stay at a boarding school in Eastern Nigeria (a symbol of my coming of age)
Undergraduatejjj90 - Oct 17, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 21, 2014
|Describe your notion of "the good life."
3 - Recognizing that this is a very new rough draft, one thing you can do to make your essay stand...
Undergraduateastew5 - Oct 20, 2014 / djgvolt - Oct 21, 2014
|Common App- Describe a place or environment essay!! Advice?
3 - You can develop the essay a little further by trimming the content. The general substance of the essay is...
Undergraduateaimank - Oct 20, 2014 / djgvolt - Oct 21, 2014
|UF admissions essay, my notion of 'the good life'
5 - I think is a pretty good essay, but you should write more about the outcome you expect to gain...
UndergraduateKsinger - Oct 20, 2014 / fp2014 - Oct 20, 2014
|Everyone is in his or her own "little world" - COMMON APP ESSAY
5 - In middle school, hormones are rampant in the hallways and excessive fumes of body spray in the locker rooms...
Undergraduatesaiplayer1 - Oct 1, 2014 / saiplayer1 - Oct 20, 2014
|The Gulf of Mexico, engulfed in black oil - Prelude - Texas A&M
2 - This is excellent, inspired writing. I bet you will go through quite a process in the way you think...
UndergraduateDuncanDonut - Oct 19, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Oct 20, 2014
|'Outside is cold and dry' - Common App Essay - childhood to adulthood transformation
3 - OMG Thanks for your suggestion vangiespen! But rewrite the whole essay is not a good news at all....ugh...
Undergraduatedowotyyyyy - Oct 20, 2014 / dowotyyyyy - Oct 20, 2014
|I created an imaginary friend named Oliver - Undergraduate College Essay
3 - Ellen, you have one confused essay here. You need to pick only one of the topics that you have...
UndergraduateEllenF - Oct 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 20, 2014
|You Are what you give - University of Florida essay ''The good life''
2 - your last paragraph is a little too vague maybe extend on how you are going to contribute to the...
Undergraduatejuligp97 - Oct 20, 2014 / Ksinger - Oct 20, 2014
|My drawer; Shalwar kameez's, Pakistani dresses, rainbow of colors and designs - admission for U of M
3 - thanks so much! I wasn't actually born in Pakistan but I have a better idea of what to include...
Undergraduaterafiquso - Oct 19, 2014 / rafiquso - Oct 20, 2014
|Michigan State University, volunteering, significant experience, Volunteers of America, life lesson
2 - Hey Danielle, I like your essay, but it needs a little bit of work. In your second sentence instead...
Undergraduatedaniellelp13 - Oct 20, 2014 / juligp97 - Oct 20, 2014
|'I live by the Iguana Rule' - Stanford roommate letter
5 - Sorry for taking such a long time to reply, I was busy taking SAT Subject Tests, and started preparing...
Undergraduateoriyanh - Oct 16, 2014 / oriyanh - Oct 20, 2014
|Almost dead - A ruff lesson; interesting interaction you've had with someone different than yourself
5 - I think you really need to develop your point better. I'm kind of confused about the point of the...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 18, 2014 / EllenF - Oct 20, 2014
|Activities / vacations / values - (Princeton University Supplemental)
3 - Thanks a lot! Whenever you have the time, I'd love for you to edit and give me more feedback....
UndergraduateZero_II - Oct 17, 2014 / Zero_II - Oct 20, 2014
|Significance of fashion - FiT applicant
2 - Mark, your essay is not really answering the prompt. You should have slanted the essay towards giving the admissions...
Undergraduatemarkcastillo27 - Oct 19, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 20, 2014
|I hate keeping a diary. I record what I actually go through, rather than empty talk.
Undergraduatedominic_jiang - Oct 19, 2014 / dominic_jiang - Oct 20, 2014
|'not wasting lot of time attending classes' - I support of building a new high school near our home
4 - Vns, yes, you can write a 3 paragraph essay. That is the minimum paragraph count for any standard essay....
UndergraduateVns9x - Oct 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 20, 2014
|'I began learning a C++' - An admission essay to The University of Texas for Computer Science
3 - I think you use the word "I" so much that make your essay unsmooth. "Recently i've enrolled in math...
Undergraduatemccoyboy22 - Oct 19, 2014 / boo2601 - Oct 20, 2014
|Include an image, share its story with us.
2 - I think you should change the "attitude" of your essay. After reading it, what impresses me is only that...
Undergraduatesiyuan12345 - Oct 19, 2014 / boo2601 - Oct 20, 2014
|At stressful moments, I sit anxiously at my desk, turn my candle on, and peer at this flame
2 - This is very interesting! For your last word, maybe say "fire" instead of "firestorm". It is more simple and...
Undergraduatediana147 - Oct 19, 2014 / Lucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014
|Fourth grade was finally over and it was a hot, June day - bad or unlucky at first, but good later
2 - This is a very good event to write about. In this quote here, I would recommend a few things....
UndergraduateIndianboy - Oct 19, 2014 / Lucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014
|Vast amounts traditions, extracurricular activities, and research opportunities; reasons for apply
2 - Tyler, you seem too focused on the extra curricular activities of Madison. There is no balance between your extra...
Undergraduate3mcs1dj - Oct 19, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 19, 2014
|'inspiring chat with a Syracuse Admissions Officer' - What influenced you to apply?
Undergraduatekjudge15 - Oct 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 19, 2014
|"The Clintons just want a dynasty." - Common App Essay Transition to adulthood
3 - Thank you for your comments. "The Clintons just want a dynasty was actually the first line of the essay...
Undergraduaterarghal - Oct 19, 2014 / rarghal - Oct 19, 2014
|High In the Sky--Common App: An environment where I'm perfectly content and what it means to me
4 - I really enjoyed reading this! Your word choice is very good. When you are talking about meeting strangers, I...
UndergraduateWowzy - Oct 17, 2014 / Lucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014
|Tea with Pancakes - Story that changed my life
13 - Thanks as always, Vangiespen! Some of the mistakes I made are so basic... However, I have some questions to...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 8, 2014 / AlinaSkripets - Oct 19, 2014
|'Carrots. I don't like them.' - "Who are you?" - Georgetown personal statement
3 - Thank you!...
Undergraduateshannonnmm - Oct 18, 2014 / shannonnmm - Oct 19, 2014
|In Israel I found a type of spirituality and gratefulness that has remained with me to this day
5 - Because I am applying early action to my top schools by November 1st I want to work with what...
Undergraduatelnf - Oct 18, 2014 / lnf - Oct 19, 2014
|My art speaks for me. As an artist, words are sometimes too inadequate. SAIC Statement
3 - Thank You so much. If it is no trouble for you, could you possibly continue editing this for me?...
Undergraduatetakeyuki13 - Oct 17, 2014 / takeyuki13 - Oct 19, 2014
|Considering your lifetime goals...Apply Texas Essay C
2 - Samantha, the first thing that I noticed about your essay is that your sentences are too long. You can't...
Undergraduatesamanthafarmer - Oct 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 19, 2014
|Vacation should be memorable and meaningful, hence it need to be longer rather than short one.
4 - Vns, yes you can. It is part of the advanced English language usage rules. Beginners follow a specific set...
UndergraduateVns9x - Oct 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 19, 2014
|I wish to continue to expose myself to different cultures in Duke - application essays
Undergraduateshachar183 - Oct 18, 2014 / shachar183 - Oct 19, 2014
|Re-entry essay: from drop out to Captain Planet
NEW - Hello. My essay lies below. I would really appreciate any input. I am attempting to be re-admitted to my...
Undergraduateyuma - Oct 19, 2014 / — -
|While growing up, I never understood the foreign phenomenon of college pride - Personal Statement
2 - Okie dokie, first time posting! I'm not too much of an essay writer myself but I can point out...
Undergraduategabriela10 - Oct 18, 2014 / Wowzy - Oct 19, 2014
|I was denied from my dream school and I reapply - no other option for me - UCF Application Essay
2 - Hi! In my opinion, I think the content or essence of your essays is pretty good. But your essay...
Undergraduateaman515 - Oct 18, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Oct 18, 2014
|The Me I am Today - Common App; background or story of an international student
11 - Silverw, in my opinion, the essay is ready for submission. It already answers the prompt, does not contain grammatical...
Undergraduatesilverw - Sep 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 18, 2014
|'My eyes have been opened to endless possibilities' - which communities do you belong?
2 - Anastasia, please mention the specific low income community that you grew up in so that the admissions officer can...
UndergraduateRawrKiwiz - Oct 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 18, 2014
|Ever since I got my first phone, my interest in computer science has increased tenfold. - GMU essay
Undergraduatenmeagent - Oct 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 18, 2014
|FELLING OF COCOON TO ADULTHOOD
8 - Hi Vangiespen, Thanks for your contributions, I am working on your observations. I will post the corrected version...
Undergraduatebjted - Oct 15, 2014 / bjted - Oct 18, 2014
|"stereotypical" white American kid - MADISON WISCONSIN ESSAY
2 - Thalia, this is an essay that depicts the conflict that every bilingual child faces in his or her life....
Undergraduatetolly97 - Oct 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 17, 2014
|'Super Mario and neuroscience' - UVA Supplement essay for College of Arts and Science!
UndergraduatePTheCoolGuy - Oct 16, 2014 / PTheCoolGuy - Oct 17, 2014
|"First day of school is tomorrow!" - Common app essay: The story that defines who I am!
3 - Hi, thank you so much for your input. Just for clarification purposes: when you say heartbreaking, do you mean...
UndergraduatePTheCoolGuy - Oct 16, 2014 / PTheCoolGuy - Oct 17, 2014
|A setting in which I have collaborated or interacted with people whose beliefs differ from mine
3 - Thanks for the advice, would the changes I made in bold work? During the month of March this year,...
Undergraduatemiddya95 - Oct 17, 2014 / middya95 - Oct 17, 2014
|I wish to become an entrepreneur. I have the needed initiative - NU application essay
5 - Edited version, would love to hear your opinions :) I'm attracted to northwestern's Financial Economics Certificate program. I...
Undergraduateshachar183 - Oct 15, 2014 / shachar183 - Oct 17, 2014
|We are born to pursue our goal in life. I want to become social worker - personal statement.
Undergraduatelindapny - Oct 16, 2014 / lindapny - Oct 17, 2014
|Accelerated Program - Health Profession
3 - Hi, I think you should write longer (about 500/750 words) and describe more your passion when you study the...
UndergraduateIHaile - Oct 16, 2014 / kttrung - Oct 16, 2014
|My leadership role was to introduce and mentor incoming cadets to facets of Culver life; AIR FORCE
4 - - By simply restructuring this part to mention CMA, you will have not only properly introduced the academy, but...
UndergraduateKilliaS - Oct 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 16, 2014
|MSU- Diverse Community; I have always wanted to become a teacher
2 - Riley, you should delete the following paragraphs in order to create a more informative essay: -...
UndergraduatePreptimd - Oct 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 16, 2014
|The realization that altered my life course (Work in progress)- Commonapp
3 - Thank you very much for your review; I'm glad to see it conveyed the message I had intended. If...
UndergraduateZero_II - Oct 15, 2014 / Zero_II - Oct 16, 2014
|'Great Barrier Reef documentaries' - Stanford Supplement - Intellectual Vitality essay
14 - Thank you so much for everything! You really helped me raise the level of my essay, could not have...
Undergraduateoriyanh - Oct 11, 2014 / oriyanh - Oct 16, 2014
|Before I could across the Civilization I was not sure which path to choose in life
5 - In addition to the essay you have written for the Common Application, please write an essay of about 500...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 15, 2014 / AlinaSkripets - Oct 16, 2014
|Man's chest cavity suddenly filled with blood - I felt the seeds of uncertainty sown into my mind
2 - Jason, you need to scrap the whole essay because you took the prompt literally rather than figuratively. Experiencing failure...
Undergraduatemalemailmale - Oct 15, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 16, 2014
|Drastic Measures - Common App Prompt #3
2 - Coby, I believe that this highly effective essay would be made even better if you were to present specific...
UndergraduateMrCobby - Oct 15, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 16, 2014
|Common App Prompt #2: Failure (My experiences with competition math)
2 - February 19, 2014. I vividly remember this day - the day I experienced my first major failure. That...
Undergraduateshrekerino - Oct 15, 2014 / sa1na - Oct 15, 2014
|GRE It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.
UndergraduateTNAM - Oct 9, 2014 / TNAM - Oct 15, 2014
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