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|"The Clintons just want a dynasty." - Common App Essay Transition to adulthood
3 - Thank you for your comments. "The Clintons just want a dynasty was actually the first line of the essay...
Undergraduaterarghal - Oct 19, 2014 / rarghal - Oct 19, 2014
|High In the Sky--Common App: An environment where I'm perfectly content and what it means to me
4 - I really enjoyed reading this! Your word choice is very good. When you are talking about meeting strangers, I...
UndergraduateWowzy - Oct 17, 2014 / Lucy2457 - Oct 19, 2014
|Tea with Pancakes - Story that changed my life
13 - Thanks as always, Vangiespen! Some of the mistakes I made are so basic... However, I have some questions to...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 8, 2014 / AlinaSkripets - Oct 19, 2014
|'Carrots. I don't like them.' - "Who are you?" - Georgetown personal statement
3 - Thank you!...
Undergraduateshannonnmm - Oct 18, 2014 / shannonnmm - Oct 19, 2014
|In Israel I found a type of spirituality and gratefulness that has remained with me to this day
5 - Because I am applying early action to my top schools by November 1st I want to work with what...
Undergraduatelnf - Oct 18, 2014 / lnf - Oct 19, 2014
|My art speaks for me. As an artist, words are sometimes too inadequate. SAIC Statement
3 - Thank You so much. If it is no trouble for you, could you possibly continue editing this for me?...
Undergraduatetakeyuki13 - Oct 17, 2014 / takeyuki13 - Oct 19, 2014
|Considering your lifetime goals...Apply Texas Essay C
2 - Samantha, the first thing that I noticed about your essay is that your sentences are too long. You can't...
Undergraduatesamanthafarmer - Oct 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 19, 2014
|Vacation should be memorable and meaningful, hence it need to be longer rather than short one.
4 - Vns, yes you can. It is part of the advanced English language usage rules. Beginners follow a specific set...
UndergraduateVns9x - Oct 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 19, 2014
|I wish to continue to expose myself to different cultures in Duke - application essays
Undergraduateshachar183 - Oct 18, 2014 / shachar183 - Oct 19, 2014
|Re-entry essay: from drop out to Captain Planet
NEW - Hello. My essay lies below. I would really appreciate any input. I am attempting to be re-admitted to my...
Undergraduateyuma - Oct 19, 2014 / — -
|While growing up, I never understood the foreign phenomenon of college pride - Personal Statement
2 - Okie dokie, first time posting! I'm not too much of an essay writer myself but I can point out...
Undergraduategabriela10 - Oct 18, 2014 / Wowzy - Oct 19, 2014
|I was denied from my dream school and I reapply - no other option for me - UCF Application Essay
2 - Hi! In my opinion, I think the content or essence of your essays is pretty good. But your essay...
Undergraduateaman515 - Oct 18, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Oct 18, 2014
|The Me I am Today - Common App; background or story of an international student
11 - Silverw, in my opinion, the essay is ready for submission. It already answers the prompt, does not contain grammatical...
Undergraduatesilverw - Sep 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 18, 2014
|'My eyes have been opened to endless possibilities' - which communities do you belong?
2 - Anastasia, please mention the specific low income community that you grew up in so that the admissions officer can...
UndergraduateRawrKiwiz - Oct 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 18, 2014
|Ever since I got my first phone, my interest in computer science has increased tenfold. - GMU essay
Undergraduatenmeagent - Oct 18, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 18, 2014
|FELLING OF COCOON TO ADULTHOOD
8 - Hi Vangiespen, Thanks for your contributions, I am working on your observations. I will post the corrected version...
Undergraduatebjted - Oct 15, 2014 / bjted - Oct 18, 2014
|"stereotypical" white American kid - MADISON WISCONSIN ESSAY
2 - Thalia, this is an essay that depicts the conflict that every bilingual child faces in his or her life....
Undergraduatetolly97 - Oct 17, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 17, 2014
|'Super Mario and neuroscience' - UVA Supplement essay for College of Arts and Science!
UndergraduatePTheCoolGuy - Oct 16, 2014 / PTheCoolGuy - Oct 17, 2014
|"First day of school is tomorrow!" - Common app essay: The story that defines who I am!
3 - Hi, thank you so much for your input. Just for clarification purposes: when you say heartbreaking, do you mean...
UndergraduatePTheCoolGuy - Oct 16, 2014 / PTheCoolGuy - Oct 17, 2014
|A setting in which I have collaborated or interacted with people whose beliefs differ from mine
3 - Thanks for the advice, would the changes I made in bold work? During the month of March this year,...
Undergraduatemiddya95 - Oct 17, 2014 / middya95 - Oct 17, 2014
|I wish to become an entrepreneur. I have the needed initiative - NU application essay
5 - Edited version, would love to hear your opinions :) I'm attracted to northwestern's Financial Economics Certificate program. I...
Undergraduateshachar183 - Oct 15, 2014 / shachar183 - Oct 17, 2014
|We are born to pursue our goal in life. I want to become social worker - personal statement.
Undergraduatelindapny - Oct 16, 2014 / lindapny - Oct 17, 2014
|Accelerated Program - Health Profession
3 - Hi, I think you should write longer (about 500/750 words) and describe more your passion when you study the...
UndergraduateIHaile - Oct 16, 2014 / kttrung - Oct 16, 2014
|My leadership role was to introduce and mentor incoming cadets to facets of Culver life; AIR FORCE
4 - - By simply restructuring this part to mention CMA, you will have not only properly introduced the academy, but...
UndergraduateKilliaS - Oct 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 16, 2014
|MSU- Diverse Community; I have always wanted to become a teacher
2 - Riley, you should delete the following paragraphs in order to create a more informative essay: -...
UndergraduatePreptimd - Oct 16, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 16, 2014
|The realization that altered my life course (Work in progress)- Commonapp
3 - Thank you very much for your review; I'm glad to see it conveyed the message I had intended. If...
UndergraduateZero_II - Oct 15, 2014 / Zero_II - Oct 16, 2014
|'Great Barrier Reef documentaries' - Stanford Supplement - Intellectual Vitality essay
14 - Thank you so much for everything! You really helped me raise the level of my essay, could not have...
Undergraduateoriyanh - Oct 11, 2014 / oriyanh - Oct 16, 2014
|Before I could across the Civilization I was not sure which path to choose in life
5 - In addition to the essay you have written for the Common Application, please write an essay of about 500...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 15, 2014 / AlinaSkripets - Oct 16, 2014
|Man's chest cavity suddenly filled with blood - I felt the seeds of uncertainty sown into my mind
2 - Jason, you need to scrap the whole essay because you took the prompt literally rather than figuratively. Experiencing failure...
Undergraduatemalemailmale - Oct 15, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 16, 2014
|Drastic Measures - Common App Prompt #3
2 - Coby, I believe that this highly effective essay would be made even better if you were to present specific...
UndergraduateMrCobby - Oct 15, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 16, 2014
|Common App Prompt #2: Failure (My experiences with competition math)
2 - February 19, 2014. I vividly remember this day - the day I experienced my first major failure. That...
Undergraduateshrekerino - Oct 15, 2014 / sa1na - Oct 15, 2014
|GRE It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.
UndergraduateTNAM - Oct 9, 2014 / TNAM - Oct 15, 2014
|Mowing grass; I find solace and determination in my work - Common app
Undergraduateemyers21 - Oct 14, 2014 / emyers21 - Oct 15, 2014
|Black Market Organ Transplanting - Georgetown SFS Supplemental Essay
2 - John, What human right is being violated? Quote the law. then discuss the point of view of the...
UndergraduateJSacky - Oct 13, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 15, 2014
|First Gen American - UC ESSAY
UndergraduatePlsBrian22 - Oct 12, 2014 / PlsBrian22 - Oct 14, 2014
|'it offers engineering from my first year' - Columbia is the best place for me
Undergraduatemaria96 - Oct 14, 2014 / maria96 - Oct 14, 2014
|I have never really liked languages and learning a new one was the hardest thing I had to do
Undergraduatemaria96 - Oct 14, 2014 / fionaleeeee - Oct 14, 2014
|I can become a convenient change maker, altering the issues and the approaches to them.
Undergraduatesa1na - Oct 13, 2014 / sa1na - Oct 14, 2014
|I wasn't going to give up this time. CommonApp essay on my 30lb weight loss.
4 - You could remove some sentences in your introduction. By saying, Asthma follows me since i was a small kid....
UndergraduateHaseebYahya - Oct 13, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 14, 2014
|I am dedicating my life to service and excellence - TEXAS A&M Transfer Admission Essay
2 - Andrew, the essay that you present is informative but not in an interesting way. The introduction just lacks an...
UndergraduateMcEsteban - Oct 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 14, 2014
|"Poem reading competition" - 150 words about meaningful activity
5 - Alina, try this version out. It is 149 words: I frequently participate in events promoting peace, equality...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 14, 2014
|Perfection is based on 3 facts: an unshakable personality, Wisdom and freedom from any past; commapp
Undergraduateunderscoredam - Oct 14, 2014 / underscoredam - Oct 14, 2014
|As a child, I used to be fascinated by remote control cars; what appeals to you at MIT?
2 - Yet, MIT did not and makes this happen. Firsly, don't panic. Everything would go on great + I...
UndergraduateScholarMilan - Oct 13, 2014 / sa1na - Oct 14, 2014
|"4'33"", "Body Composition", "Beyond Dust" Stanford Supplementals
2 - The first essay's concept and starting is acceptable, and also good and interesting. However, I strongly believe that it...
UndergraduatePallete - Oct 12, 2014 / sa1na - Oct 13, 2014
|'It was March 12th of 2006' - Coming to the US - CommonApp Essay
7 - -Mengyang, I am happy that you liked my little "nitpick" of a suggestion.You should devote a full paragraph...
UndergraduateIosefStalin - Oct 13, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 13, 2014
Undergraduatesa1na - Oct 7, 2014 / AlinaSkripets - Oct 13, 2014
|The feeling I get while reading a good book is unparalleled - I could even go on reading for a 24hrs
2 - Saugat, you need to revise the essay you wrote in full because it did not respond properly to the...
Undergraduatesaugat91 - Oct 13, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 13, 2014
|I have always dreamed about studying something which is related with humans beings; applying letter
11 - I loved your letter!! It is just perfect! You are a great writer and also a great teacher. Believe...
UndergraduateAbbys - Oct 10, 2014 / Abbys - Oct 13, 2014
|"Culumbia is the place for me"
3 - Maria, I noticed that you spoke at great length about how Columbia will help you expand your horizons by...
Undergraduatemariahito - Oct 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 13, 2014
|Everyone should possess inner qualities that help others around them - fgcu essay
3 - Thankyou for helping, and the topic I put is wrong, it should be What qualities do you possess...
Undergraduatewhatevah - Oct 12, 2014 / whatevah - Oct 13, 2014
|For six generations, my family has lived in a rural black hole known as New Iberia; Texas A&M
4 - - This is the portion you need to concentrate on in your SOP. Explain how you feel that there...
Undergraduatetransfer1801 - Oct 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|my home for the next four years
NEW - Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the academic,...
Undergraduatevinnymj - Oct 12, 2014 / — -
|Northwestern Supplemental Essay Personal Statement, unique qualities of NU-Chemical Engineering
11 - Middya, of course you may combine my work with yours. That is why we are advising you :-) Go...
Undergraduatemiddya95 - Oct 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|'Don't come here again! Loser!' Identity Essay Common app
9 - Atom, do as you wish with the essay. My work here is simply to guide you towards the polishing...
UndergraduateAtom007 - Oct 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|A life without companionship can be synonymous with a life without purpose - story or background
2 - Sarib, I have placed my comments and recommendations below for your consideration :-) - Sarib, while your...
Undergraduatesfliger - Oct 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|"I will not bow I will not break I will shut the world away" - essay for Virginia Tech
3 - Sounds great! I really like it! However it is a bit unnecessary to use "I think" in your response....
UndergraduateNickSomers - Oct 8, 2014 / dumbnerd123 - Oct 11, 2014
|Assembling the puzzle pieces - my FSU admissions essay!
3 - I agree with vangiespen. I also think that "was taught" is a bit repetitive. Good idea so far though!...
Undergraduatebiscuitsawce - Oct 11, 2014 / dumbnerd123 - Oct 11, 2014
|'childhood memories' - 530 words of uncertainty (Cal App)
UndergraduateKevinlopez0129 - Oct 11, 2014 / Kevinlopez0129 - Oct 11, 2014
|The best teacher I have ever had and my friend. I would like to express gratitude to her.
3 - Thanks...
UndergraduateLuke Cameron Jr - Oct 9, 2014 / Luke Cameron Jr - Oct 11, 2014
|Geology is a rich and diverse subject that has a great room for creative thought. UCAS statement
3 - CaptainCook, while your essay is very informative in relation to the way you developed your personal interest in Geology,...
UndergraduateCaptainCook - Oct 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 10, 2014
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