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|Mowing grass; I find solace and determination in my work - Common app
Undergraduateemyers21 - Oct 14, 2014 / emyers21 - Oct 15, 2014
|Black Market Organ Transplanting - Georgetown SFS Supplemental Essay
2 - John, What human right is being violated? Quote the law. then discuss the point of view of the...
UndergraduateJSacky - Oct 13, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 15, 2014
|First Gen American - UC ESSAY
UndergraduatePlsBrian22 - Oct 12, 2014 / PlsBrian22 - Oct 14, 2014
|'it offers engineering from my first year' - Columbia is the best place for me
Undergraduatemaria96 - Oct 14, 2014 / maria96 - Oct 14, 2014
|I have never really liked languages and learning a new one was the hardest thing I had to do
Undergraduatemaria96 - Oct 14, 2014 / fionaleeeee - Oct 14, 2014
|I can become a convenient change maker, altering the issues and the approaches to them.
Undergraduatesa1na - Oct 13, 2014 / sa1na - Oct 14, 2014
|I wasn't going to give up this time. CommonApp essay on my 30lb weight loss.
4 - You could remove some sentences in your introduction. By saying, Asthma follows me since i was a small kid....
UndergraduateHaseebYahya - Oct 13, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 14, 2014
|I am dedicating my life to service and excellence - TEXAS A&M Transfer Admission Essay
2 - Andrew, the essay that you present is informative but not in an interesting way. The introduction just lacks an...
UndergraduateMcEsteban - Oct 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 14, 2014
|"Poem reading competition" - 150 words about meaningful activity
5 - Alina, try this version out. It is 149 words: I frequently participate in events promoting peace, equality...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 14, 2014
|Perfection is based on 3 facts: an unshakable personality, Wisdom and freedom from any past; commapp
Undergraduateunderscoredam - Oct 14, 2014 / underscoredam - Oct 14, 2014
|As a child, I used to be fascinated by remote control cars; what appeals to you at MIT?
2 - Yet, MIT did not and makes this happen. Firsly, don't panic. Everything would go on great + I...
UndergraduateScholarMilan - Oct 13, 2014 / sa1na - Oct 14, 2014
|"4'33"", "Body Composition", "Beyond Dust" Stanford Supplementals
2 - The first essay's concept and starting is acceptable, and also good and interesting. However, I strongly believe that it...
UndergraduatePallete - Oct 12, 2014 / sa1na - Oct 13, 2014
|'It was March 12th of 2006' - Coming to the US - CommonApp Essay
7 - -Mengyang, I am happy that you liked my little "nitpick" of a suggestion.You should devote a full paragraph...
UndergraduateIosefStalin - Oct 13, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 13, 2014
Undergraduatesa1na - Oct 7, 2014 / AlinaSkripets - Oct 13, 2014
|The feeling I get while reading a good book is unparalleled - I could even go on reading for a 24hrs
2 - Saugat, you need to revise the essay you wrote in full because it did not respond properly to the...
Undergraduatesaugat91 - Oct 13, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 13, 2014
|I have always dreamed about studying something which is related with humans beings; applying letter
11 - I loved your letter!! It is just perfect! You are a great writer and also a great teacher. Believe...
UndergraduateAbbys - Oct 10, 2014 / Abbys - Oct 13, 2014
|"Culumbia is the place for me"
3 - Maria, I noticed that you spoke at great length about how Columbia will help you expand your horizons by...
Undergraduatemariahito - Oct 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 13, 2014
|Everyone should possess inner qualities that help others around them - fgcu essay
3 - Thankyou for helping, and the topic I put is wrong, it should be What qualities do you possess...
Undergraduatewhatevah - Oct 12, 2014 / whatevah - Oct 13, 2014
|For six generations, my family has lived in a rural black hole known as New Iberia; Texas A&M
4 - - This is the portion you need to concentrate on in your SOP. Explain how you feel that there...
Undergraduatetransfer1801 - Oct 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|my home for the next four years
NEW - Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the academic,...
Undergraduatevinnymj - Oct 12, 2014 / — -
|Northwestern Supplemental Essay Personal Statement, unique qualities of NU-Chemical Engineering
11 - Middya, of course you may combine my work with yours. That is why we are advising you :-) Go...
Undergraduatemiddya95 - Oct 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|'Don't come here again! Loser!' Identity Essay Common app
9 - Atom, do as you wish with the essay. My work here is simply to guide you towards the polishing...
UndergraduateAtom007 - Oct 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|A life without companionship can be synonymous with a life without purpose - story or background
2 - Sarib, I have placed my comments and recommendations below for your consideration :-) - Sarib, while your...
Undergraduatesfliger - Oct 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|"I will not bow I will not break I will shut the world away" - essay for Virginia Tech
3 - Sounds great! I really like it! However it is a bit unnecessary to use "I think" in your response....
UndergraduateNickSomers - Oct 8, 2014 / dumbnerd123 - Oct 11, 2014
|Assembling the puzzle pieces - my FSU admissions essay!
3 - I agree with vangiespen. I also think that "was taught" is a bit repetitive. Good idea so far though!...
Undergraduatebiscuitsawce - Oct 11, 2014 / dumbnerd123 - Oct 11, 2014
|'childhood memories' - 530 words of uncertainty (Cal App)
UndergraduateKevinlopez0129 - Oct 11, 2014 / Kevinlopez0129 - Oct 11, 2014
|The best teacher I have ever had and my friend. I would like to express gratitude to her.
3 - Thanks...
UndergraduateLuke Cameron Jr - Oct 9, 2014 / Luke Cameron Jr - Oct 11, 2014
|Geology is a rich and diverse subject that has a great room for creative thought. UCAS statement
3 - CaptainCook, while your essay is very informative in relation to the way you developed your personal interest in Geology,...
UndergraduateCaptainCook - Oct 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 10, 2014
|Service Academy Nomination Essay: What do you envision as your ultimate role with the US military?
4 - - Katie, consider building upon this paragraph by opening the statement with a concern about the lack of proper...
Undergraduateamerica888 - Oct 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 10, 2014
|My reflection on the novel written by Leo Tolstoy; the supplemental essay for Boston College
3 - - Nicole, Rather than narrating the passage from the story, you should somehow find a way to connect it...
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 10, 2014
|Juggling between work and school - Personal Essay Statement for Cornell University
Undergraduateray12 - Oct 9, 2014 / ray12 - Oct 10, 2014
|Religion and anthropology have recently become interests for me - Personal Statement
6 - - Don't give the admissions officer a lecture. Whether he is familiar with the topic or not should...
UndergraduateIHaile - Oct 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 9, 2014
|IELTS: Trend of living individually. Why? And its effect on society.
Undergraduatezzwestmanzz - Oct 8, 2014 / zzwestmanzz - Oct 9, 2014
|GRE issue practice about whether leaders are created by demands
UndergraduateKuangKyle - Oct 8, 2014 / KuangKyle - Oct 8, 2014
|'The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time' - Transfer Essay to Texas A&M
2 - Overall, this is a very good and statement of purpose. You do a great job of explaining things that...
Undergraduateagm31 - Oct 8, 2014 / kkflowers - Oct 8, 2014
|Tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years)
2 - Hello, This short essay makes absolutely no sense. It is like you are throwing everything and the kitchen...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 8, 2014 / admission2012 - Oct 8, 2014
|What is the good life? Describe your notion.
Undergraduatejonroman1 - Oct 7, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Oct 8, 2014
|Running has given me both physical and mental strength - College Admission Essay: Facing Adversity
6 - Bookreader, I made some revisions and suggestions to help improve your paper. I hope you find them useful :-)...
Undergraduatebookreader - Oct 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 8, 2014
|"Civilization" - love for Economics - extracurricular activity essay choice
2 - Alina, I would definitely choose to expand upon your second topic which centers around "Economics". Most specially if you...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 8, 2014
|DIVERSITY - GEORGE MASON PROMPT (THE MASON IDEA)
Undergraduaterimazzyousiff - Oct 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 8, 2014
|Abandoned do not means useless! My parents influenced me.
2 - I think that you sholud your essay look like abstract so much. The reader have to attention for understanding...
Undergraduatebertcylau - Oct 8, 2014 / Smile_Jen - Oct 8, 2014
|Madison has always topped my list for where I would like to go for college.
UndergraduateThernis - Oct 7, 2014 / JesusLM2 - Oct 7, 2014
|I was practically born on an airplane and feel perfectly comfortable travelling on it's board
4 - You can certainly continue to develop the airplane basis of your story. If I may, I would like to...
Undergraduaterimazzyousiff - Oct 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 7, 2014
|I have aspired to attend UW Madison for years and now I finally have the chance to apply; Statement
3 - A very important part I learned when writing these prompts is to stress the fact that this is the...
Undergraduatepaigeo78 - Oct 7, 2014 / rimazzyousiff - Oct 7, 2014
|Describe when and where you were able to work towards the betterment of your community
Undergraduateabby_s - Oct 6, 2014 / abby_s - Oct 7, 2014
|Child Labor NGO community - non-academic pursuit
Undergraduatesa1na - Oct 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 7, 2014
|All roads lead to Rome. Share about a person who greatly influenced your life and why?
Undergraduatebertcylau - Oct 7, 2014 / bertcylau - Oct 7, 2014
|I want to be unique and special; I never wanted to be conventional like others - Application essay
6 - - Do not say "additionally amusing" amusing means you will be entertained. You are not in school to...
Undergraduatesa1na - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 7, 2014
|Short Leadership, academics and creative and performing art essays
4 - Anybody to help review this? Tell us more about one of the activities you listed above, explaining what...
Undergraduatecapslock - Oct 6, 2014 / capslock - Oct 7, 2014
|"I come from a world that has a dance floor" - UC Personal Statement Prompt 1
3 - Teddy, this is a very good example of an abstract world that you turned into a reality for the...
UndergraduateTeddyduong - Oct 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 7, 2014
|Personal Narrative, Background story; Undergraduate Admissions
4 - Tempestx, you should really start a new thread for that particular prompt so that we can concentrate solely on...
UndergraduateTempestx - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|Passion, determination, and my drive is what takes me forward in providing any type of service; FSU
Undergraduatejai80 - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|'one-dimensional life'; in search for new ways of defining my success - Penn State Statement
3 - Thank you :-)...
Undergraduatesupriyaramesh97 - Oct 6, 2014 / supriyaramesh97 - Oct 6, 2014
|"So are you Canadian or Chinese?" - sense of fractured self comes from this question
4 - Chris, yes, this essay will definitely work for the prompt you described. However, you will need to adjust the...
Undergraduatechrislankfields - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|an unexpected event changed the course of my life; UT admission -Describe an obstacle
Undergraduateveronica_1 - Nov 10, 2013 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|I have always wanted to be a little different from others - SOP - SCAD
4 - Xi, your essay really answers the prompt in great detail. The problem is that your answers are not in...
Undergraduatexigogondaki - Oct 2, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|I've learnt about value of education and importance of improving from one generation to the next
2 - Blueeyesw, while the story of your grandfather and father is very touching and hits the right emotional notes, it...
Undergraduateblueeyesw - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|Let your struggles become your motivation - Common App Prompt 1 Essay
4 - The introduction is very generic, many people have the same intro. Make it flow a bit better, some transitions...
Undergraduaterp22 - Oct 4, 2014 / mrmdeir - Oct 6, 2014
|'sleeping on air mattresses' - CU Boulder Personal Essay for Undergraduate Transfer
Undergraduatemelisand3 - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|From paper origami to mechanical engineering - UPENN supplement
Undergraduateixchocolateful - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
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