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|Travelling back to my past - Stanford
5 - Khaliun, the essay does not clearly state the reason that you went to Singapore to study. Was this a...
Undergraduatehaliunsora - Oct 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|I am keen to develop essential design skills via Oshman Engineering Design Kitchen - Rice University
7 - Hi, Vangiespen. Okay, I would delete the last sentence right now! Your answer is quite inspiring. I gain a...
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 25, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Oct 26, 2014
|Studying the brain - Cognitive Neuroscience- Brown Supplement
4 - Erica, your introduction has greatly improved. Now, let me tell you why your essay sounds dull. You have not...
Undergraduateericaaya - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 26, 2014
|The Ranch - the land is in full bloom with dahlias and tulips leave colorful spots in the green
3 - Yes, that is the correct prompt. Thank you for your feedback! I will definetly look into reformatting it....
Undergraduatemrinalnag - Oct 24, 2014 / mrinalnag - Oct 25, 2014
|"One Piece"; "dad's old laptop"; "two years between graduation and moving to US" - essays for MIT
3 - Thawsitt, from what I can tell, the answers you have given answers the prompt very well. However, I would...
UndergraduateMr T - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|The Garage and HiBay- Common App
5 - Having read both essay excerpts, my opinion, is that you should also stick to the first essay more because...
Undergraduateterminatio - Oct 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|"Oh, you got that grade cause you're Asian" - Challenging a belief or idea
7 - Esther, this is a very good revision. You have made it very informative and your position on challenging racial...
Undergraduateestherh - Oct 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|relationships, brotherhood, environment - Three main advantages for living in a small community
4 - @aliefmoulana: Thank you very much for your help! About the sentence: "Those conditions help (grammar?) their emotions always stay...
UndergraduateTHANHDANG - Oct 23, 2014 / THANHDANG - Oct 25, 2014
|"daddy issues" complex form - My dad influences me in a way that he sickens me to my stomach
Undergraduatecyeng15 - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|Penn M&T Supplement Essay - Robotics, Business, and Engineering
9 - Hannah, no, it does not mesh better with the prompt. You still failed to answer the prompt of the...
Undergraduatehmay - Oct 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|Upload a short essay about your most memorable musical experience. (Peabody Institute)
2 - Will, the first thing that i noticed about the essay is that you need to revise the tenses usage....
Undergraduatephantasmous - Oct 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|Today, we live in a world that has very little regard for our planet and its inhabitants
2 - This is a very long sentence: People live in large cities, full of noise and pollution, disregarding their civic...
Undergraduaterayanimal - Oct 25, 2014 / LPMG - Oct 25, 2014
|HORROR MOVIES! - UChicago Q#2 Interests: books/movies/artitsts
3 - Alright thank you! I entered spaces here so it can be clear but in the actual doccument its 2...
Undergraduatesalmaelazhary - Oct 25, 2014 / salmaelazhary - Oct 25, 2014
|Harvey Mudd, Why Its a Good fit for Me, Rocketry and More
Undergraduatestormclad - Oct 25, 2014 / stormclad - Oct 25, 2014
|TAKING ANOTHER STEP Dreams and inspirations are built as children observe the world surrounding them
Undergraduatemhfu17 - Oct 19, 2014 / mhfu17 - Oct 25, 2014
|MIT - Cooking is an experiment I don't have to write a lab report for - I do it for pleasure
2 - Ashley, here is my take on your statement with a reduced word count: Cooking the only type of...
Undergraduateashluu - Oct 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 25, 2014
|"Where are you from?" I have never been able to answer easily - Computer Science Common Application
Undergraduatesandershihacker - Oct 24, 2014 / sandershihacker - Oct 25, 2014
|This is me - not only a religious person, but also i have many abilities.
UndergraduatesyahidMA - Oct 25, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 25, 2014
|Waste Management Archaeology; Common Application Essay First Draft: Background Story Central to Life
3 - I really liked this. while reading it i could actually imagine you digging out things from the dumpster as...
Undergraduateas1234 - Oct 23, 2014 / salmaelazhary - Oct 25, 2014
|Common app - How has your story defined you?
3 - This is really good. I especially liked the way you linked your hook with your concluding sentence. However i...
UndergraduateRawrKiwiz - Oct 24, 2014 / salmaelazhary - Oct 25, 2014
|Helping a Friend with Anorexia - UC Prompt #1/Cornell CALS Supplement
Undergraduatedumbnerd123 - Oct 11, 2014 / dumbnerd123 - Oct 25, 2014
|Harmony in all aspects of life matters to me - Stanford
3 - What matters to you, and why? Harmony in all aspects of life matters to me. Harmony is tuning...
Undergraduatepeperoniz - Oct 23, 2014 / peperoniz - Oct 25, 2014
|Challenging Religion to Become a Better Person (I'm 50 words over the limit)
3 - Thanks! My biggest issue is the word count so I'm going to have to work on condensing some parts....
Undergraduateswdasa - Oct 24, 2014 / swdasa - Oct 24, 2014
|UCHICAGO Essay - DARK SKY, ROOFTOP, AND A CUP OF WARM CHOCOLATE
2 - wow...After reading your essay, I realize that as a foreigner, I really couldn't understand some phrases and expression. Maybe...
Undergraduatealiefmoulana - Oct 24, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Oct 24, 2014
|The silence was deafening. Tennis court - Common App Essay
4 - This is very good liomio..but take Lucy's advice,and your essay will be polished.I think you're a good writer.Can you...
Undergraduateliomio - Oct 23, 2014 / Atom007 - Oct 24, 2014
|My Father's Dedication - my values and principles were altered because of him
3 - There are a lot of grammatical errors you should watch out for. e.g here are some suggestions: ...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Oct 23, 2014 / Dapocalypse7 - Oct 24, 2014
|"Observe the Global Warming " - An intellectual experience. Dartmouth supplement
3 - Adding personal experience is a good tactic. In your conclusion try to incorporate your teacher. What part does...
Undergraduatedominic_jiang - Oct 23, 2014 / RawrKiwiz - Oct 24, 2014
|My Mothers Accident- A Common Application
UndergraduateKarlyC - Oct 24, 2014 / aliefmoulana - Oct 24, 2014
|Campus Construction - Renovation of the UET Peshawar building
2 - To guarantee qualitative improvement of UET Peshawar building, all departments' buildings will be renovated within 3 years, s o...
UndergraduateMudassir - Oct 23, 2014 / aliefmoulana - Oct 24, 2014
|MIT Supplements: Culture/Activity for Pleasure/Department/Attribute/Challenge
Undergraduatecollegeplease - Oct 23, 2014 / collegeplease - Oct 24, 2014
|industrial and interaction design / grown man who is doing what he loves - Syracuse Questions
UndergraduateKevstevbot - Oct 21, 2014 / Kevstevbot - Oct 23, 2014
|No Goodbye - I had to accept the inevitable occurrence and move on with life - Commonapp
UndergraduateAllotey - Oct 23, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2014
|Family of doctor and geophysicist - international student/ penn state personal statement
UndergraduateDapocalypse7 - Oct 23, 2014 / YULIS - Oct 23, 2014
|When does narrative cross into wordiness?
UndergraduateHan1 - Oct 22, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2014
|Going outside my "bubble" - Common App Essay
Undergraduateeugene_611925 - Oct 23, 2014 / bratt99 - Oct 23, 2014
|Being the only South Asian child in the australian neighborhood - USF UNDERGRADUATE COLLEGE ESSAY
6 - Firstly , well done! Secondly, attempt utilizing more academic vocabulary instead of using get , good, bad......
Undergraduateshamrazaman - Oct 19, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 23, 2014
|The sights! The smells! The sounds! The atmosphere! - VCU admission essay
4 - I agree with the above statement. Northern Virginia, and that's experiences. Making experience, making ins and...
UndergraduateAmirahxr - Oct 22, 2014 / collegeplease - Oct 23, 2014
|"A dreamer" - Personal essay about directions for the future
11 - Sorry for the extremely late reply :( I have been busy with my IB Course work. Anyways, thank...
Undergraduatecommunity - Oct 6, 2014 / community - Oct 23, 2014
|"What do you want to become in the future?" Anything but Engineering
5 - Marky8, thank you so much for ALL of these sweeeeet grammar checks and comments! Yes they are definitely helping....
Undergraduatedowotyyyyy - Oct 22, 2014 / dowotyyyyy - Oct 22, 2014
|'Medical Spelling and Medical Reading - topics I studied constantly'; Accelerated Health Professions
2 - It wasn't until my second year of high school that I walked into the biology lab and knew that...
UndergraduateIHaile - Oct 22, 2014 / dominic_jiang - Oct 22, 2014
|College Essay - "I need to go find my parents. My dad is looking for me"
Undergraduate16chauc - Oct 14, 2014 / 16chauc - Oct 22, 2014
|Public speaking was never my forte. Disappointment and Failure of a school assignment.
4 - Hi Andrew, in answer to your question, yes, there are grammar corrections to be fixed in the essay and...
UndergraduateHumanMan - Oct 19, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 22, 2014
|Legos -- MIT Significant Challenge Essay
2 - Hi Dibya! It's a very good essay. Through this essay I can see your interest on biology and your...
Undergraduatedjgvolt - Oct 21, 2014 / dominic_jiang - Oct 22, 2014
|My dad's journey to his new liver - it has inspired and shaped me into the person I am today.
3 - I think you should give less background info and write more on how the experience affected you and show...
UndergraduateKelley - Oct 21, 2014 / mayradio0508 - Oct 22, 2014
|I grew up to become an adolescent who had fallen deeply in love with science - Reasons & Objectives
3 - Thank you very much for your help and ositive feedback. I will work on the point mentioned. ;-)...
Undergraduatemarky8 - Oct 20, 2014 / marky8 - Oct 22, 2014
|UNIVERSITY COLORADO BOULDER. (How you could increase our diverse and inclusive community?)
2 - They think your essay is great, you seemed to briefly address each aspect. Your story is very important, as...
UndergraduateCaptainCook - Oct 22, 2014 / fordeja1 - Oct 22, 2014
|"Remains of War: Capitalists. Communists. War." - Common App Essay
Undergraduateegn711 - Oct 19, 2014 / egn711 - Oct 21, 2014
|'I hate trade-offs': why Barnard?
2 - I like your essay! However, the beginning "first and foremost, I would require more than 250 words," sounds a...
Undergraduatemgirl - Oct 21, 2014 / estherh - Oct 21, 2014
|Life in Pictures and Shapes - Common App Essay
Undergraduatefwei15 - Oct 21, 2014 / estherh - Oct 21, 2014
|'I represented my country at the highest level' - University of California Prompt
UndergraduateCaptainCook - Oct 20, 2014 / gbekil - Oct 21, 2014
|My stay at a boarding school in Eastern Nigeria (a symbol of my coming of age)
Undergraduatejjj90 - Oct 17, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 21, 2014
|Describe your notion of "the good life."
3 - Recognizing that this is a very new rough draft, one thing you can do to make your essay stand...
Undergraduateastew5 - Oct 20, 2014 / djgvolt - Oct 21, 2014
|Common App- Describe a place or environment essay!! Advice?
3 - You can develop the essay a little further by trimming the content. The general substance of the essay is...
Undergraduateaimank - Oct 20, 2014 / djgvolt - Oct 21, 2014
|UF admissions essay, my notion of 'the good life'
5 - I think is a pretty good essay, but you should write more about the outcome you expect to gain...
UndergraduateKsinger - Oct 20, 2014 / fp2014 - Oct 20, 2014
|Everyone is in his or her own "little world" - COMMON APP ESSAY
5 - In middle school, hormones are rampant in the hallways and excessive fumes of body spray in the locker rooms...
Undergraduatesaiplayer1 - Oct 1, 2014 / saiplayer1 - Oct 20, 2014
|The Gulf of Mexico, engulfed in black oil - Prelude - Texas A&M
2 - This is excellent, inspired writing. I bet you will go through quite a process in the way you think...
UndergraduateDuncanDonut - Oct 19, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Oct 20, 2014
|'Outside is cold and dry' - Common App Essay - childhood to adulthood transformation
3 - OMG Thanks for your suggestion vangiespen! But rewrite the whole essay is not a good news at all....ugh...
Undergraduatedowotyyyyy - Oct 20, 2014 / dowotyyyyy - Oct 20, 2014
|I created an imaginary friend named Oliver - Undergraduate College Essay
3 - Ellen, you have one confused essay here. You need to pick only one of the topics that you have...
UndergraduateEllenF - Oct 20, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 20, 2014
|You Are what you give - University of Florida essay ''The good life''
2 - your last paragraph is a little too vague maybe extend on how you are going to contribute to the...
Undergraduatejuligp97 - Oct 20, 2014 / Ksinger - Oct 20, 2014
|My drawer; Shalwar kameez's, Pakistani dresses, rainbow of colors and designs - admission for U of M
3 - thanks so much! I wasn't actually born in Pakistan but I have a better idea of what to include...
Undergraduaterafiquso - Oct 19, 2014 / rafiquso - Oct 20, 2014
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