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|Short Leadership, academics and creative and performing art essays
4 - Anybody to help review this? Tell us more about one of the activities you listed above, explaining what...
Undergraduatecapslock - Oct 6, 2014 / capslock - Oct 7, 2014
|"I come from a world that has a dance floor" - UC Personal Statement Prompt 1
3 - Teddy, this is a very good example of an abstract world that you turned into a reality for the...
UndergraduateTeddyduong - Oct 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 7, 2014
|Personal Narrative, Background story; Undergraduate Admissions
4 - Tempestx, you should really start a new thread for that particular prompt so that we can concentrate solely on...
UndergraduateTempestx - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|Passion, determination, and my drive is what takes me forward in providing any type of service; FSU
Undergraduatejai80 - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|'one-dimensional life'; in search for new ways of defining my success - Penn State Statement
3 - Thank you :-)...
Undergraduatesupriyaramesh97 - Oct 6, 2014 / supriyaramesh97 - Oct 6, 2014
|"So are you Canadian or Chinese?" - sense of fractured self comes from this question
4 - Chris, yes, this essay will definitely work for the prompt you described. However, you will need to adjust the...
Undergraduatechrislankfields - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|an unexpected event changed the course of my life; UT admission -Describe an obstacle
Undergraduateveronica_1 - Nov 10, 2013 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|I have always wanted to be a little different from others - SOP - SCAD
4 - Xi, your essay really answers the prompt in great detail. The problem is that your answers are not in...
Undergraduatexigogondaki - Oct 2, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|I've learnt about value of education and importance of improving from one generation to the next
2 - Blueeyesw, while the story of your grandfather and father is very touching and hits the right emotional notes, it...
Undergraduateblueeyesw - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|Let your struggles become your motivation - Common App Prompt 1 Essay
4 - The introduction is very generic, many people have the same intro. Make it flow a bit better, some transitions...
Undergraduaterp22 - Oct 4, 2014 / mrmdeir - Oct 6, 2014
|'sleeping on air mattresses' - CU Boulder Personal Essay for Undergraduate Transfer
Undergraduatemelisand3 - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|From paper origami to mechanical engineering - UPENN supplement
Undergraduateixchocolateful - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|"Politics and Sexuality" - Common Application
3 - Thanks so much for your feedback! I was a little uncertain about using "queer" in this context. It is...
Undergraduatecarnivorousgods - Oct 5, 2014 / carnivorousgods - Oct 5, 2014
|Why would I go to USJ? They have the nutrition and dietetics program that I want to be in.
2 - -Avoid using word fillers such as your first sentence. Specially in a word limited statement such as this. The...
Undergraduatelexibee17 - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|'To me, a leader is someone who takes the first step into the unknown while others wait and watch'
4 - Varad, go to the Virginia Tech website, click on Housing and Residence Life. On the left hand side, you...
Undergraduatevarad - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|Personal essay based on specific questions on the university website; Undergraduate Admission
UndergraduateJangGemini - Sep 15, 2014 / JangGemini - Oct 5, 2014
|What is the "good life"? UF Admission Essay
3 - Thank you so much. I made lots of changes and the essay sounds way better. Completely taking out the...
Undergraduatetrob2497 - Oct 5, 2014 / trob2497 - Oct 5, 2014
|Bright lights, sweaty palms and shaky knees - UC essay about bullying and racism
2 - Kimberly, While you present a very touching essay that relates to your personal experience, it is hard to reconcile...
UndergraduateKimberlim - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|What motivates you to seek admittance to a Service Academy and your career plans in the military?
Undergraduateamerica7373 - Oct 4, 2014 / america7373 - Oct 5, 2014
|Beyond rankings, location, and athletics, why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech?
8 - Hello, Any admissions officer reading this essay will immediately think what are "expected abilities?" The direction you are...
Undergraduateanniepzy - Oct 4, 2014 / admission2012 - Oct 5, 2014
|'I hope to self-design a major which would involve psychology, theatre and languages'
2 - Flora, with 831 words, you are definitely over the word count. I see a problem with your essay though....
Undergraduatefwcross - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|I already have come to a decision; my qualities will allow me to adapt into the UCF community
UndergraduateJordan21002 - Oct 4, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 5, 2014
|"Let your life speak" - Tufts University supplement
UndergraduateDanah96 - Oct 4, 2014 / Danah96 - Oct 5, 2014
|The only activity that will someday really aid me in reaching my life goals is cheerleading
3 - Kassandra, you have spent too much time discussing your past as a cheerleader that you totally forgot to mention...
Undergraduatekvillafranca - Oct 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|Caltech- "What are some quirky ways in which you have fun"
5 - Martin, this is a fantastic essay! Even with the grammatical errors that I will be correcting later, I have...
Undergraduatemartin16 - Oct 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|Creating and erasing as countless thoughts passed through my mind - Page 87 of my autobiography; VCU
4 - I changed it to, "This space wasn't only used for personal enjoyment, but for the experience of being in...
Undergraduatejerrofyx - Oct 4, 2014 / jerrofyx - Oct 4, 2014
|There is no way of elucidating the simple truth - my home is beautiful. Entry essay for UT Austin
2 - I think that your paper is very well written. Though I don't think you have spent much time discussing...
Undergraduatemeli818 - Oct 4, 2014 / jerrofyx - Oct 4, 2014
|When I first came to Boston, Tufts wasn't more to me than an option out of a list of possibilities.
7 - Thank you so much! but my conscience wouldn't allow me to copy yours word for word. I'm still going...
UndergraduateDanah96 - Oct 4, 2014 / Danah96 - Oct 4, 2014
|Feeling different and misfit in the family. (UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA ESSAY PROMPT 1)
5 - CaptainCook, feel free to use my corrections and suggestions. Don't forget to double check the essay for the tense...
UndergraduateCaptainCook - Oct 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 4, 2014
|'the one thing I did enjoy was drawing' - School of Visual Arts-Statement of Intent. My vision.
Undergraduatehc221 - Oct 1, 2014 / hc221 - Oct 3, 2014
|"My passion for creating"; what attracts you specifically to your field of study?
Undergraduatemariahito - Oct 3, 2014 / nassimnina - Oct 3, 2014
|The most powerful thing you can do is make someone think what you think. Personal Statement for JMU
2 - nassimnina, it would really help if you provided the essay prompt so that we can get a better idea...
Undergraduatenassimnina - Oct 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 3, 2014
|I was born and raised on the island Ofu Manu'a in American Samoa - Introducing to my online class
5 - Where I lived they don't accept credits from ITT TECH. One of my sister said she heard Strayer was...
UndergraduateNai27 - Oct 3, 2014 / Nai27 - Oct 3, 2014
|What if something stark and bold shaped my personality? How brutally honest can I be with my essay?
4 - Pallavid, admission officers are always looking for those exceptional students who have managed to overcome obstacles and adversity in...
Undergraduatepallavid123 - Oct 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 3, 2014
|"Why Caltech" - 3:1 student-to-faculty ratio - Supplement essay last question idea?
UndergraduateAnouar - Sep 11, 2014 / Anouar_1 - Oct 3, 2014
|Nigeria, the most populous land in Africa - 'Challenges faced by my country'
2 - You have lost the control of the first sentence :) Nigeria, the most populous country in Africa, is one...
UndergraduateModewap - Oct 3, 2014 / sa1na - Oct 3, 2014
|If I could continue with any of my activities, I would continue coaching gymnastics.
2 - - guerinm, I deleted the last portion of your response because it is not related to the prompt and...
Undergraduateguerinm - Oct 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 3, 2014
|I always questioned everything, I am a very curious boy - Penn State Personal Statement
Undergraduatehpharsh5 - Oct 1, 2014 / hpharsh5 - Oct 3, 2014
|'Mapping Me' - define a experience essential to your identity
Undergraduatexigogondaki - Sep 28, 2014 / xigogondaki - Oct 2, 2014
|WHY MADISON? It would find me a great gain to part of their community
5 - - Vinny, the essay is basically asking you to talk about your visit to the campus. I assume that...
Undergraduatevinnymj - Sep 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 2, 2014
|The only option I see (College Personal Statement)
6 - Here is an idea, rather than going into great detail about your mother's wedding, why not discuss a comparison...
Undergraduateiyabazar - Oct 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 1, 2014
|'obsessed over Crime TV shows' - Rutgers transfer essay
2 - blove, you are looking to become a criminal justice lawyer right? So mentioning shows like CSI, wanting to become...
Undergraduateblove2 - Oct 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 1, 2014
|My life goal is to have a Computer Engineering degree and go to North Texas University
6 - Thanks :-)...
Undergraduateswatleader617 - Sep 29, 2014 / swatleader617 - Oct 1, 2014
|'Whenever you plan, you should always start early, since anything can happen'; CommonApp essay
Undergraduatehpharsh5 - Oct 1, 2014 / hpharsh5 - Oct 1, 2014
|New Orleans crossed through my mind - Why Tulane Essay
7 - Hashim, the comment that you read about personal experience was from the blog of one admission officer. That is...
Undergraduatehashimsyed17 - Sep 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 30, 2014
|I am many things and Black is one of them - Personal Statement for UT Austin; Essay A
Undergraduatetexasbreed13 - Sep 23, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Sep 30, 2014
|"Hey man, you should check out Baylor" - supplement essay
4 - Hey so I think for this essay you need to really consider your audience and discuss why Baylor will...
Undergraduatesupreeth97 - Sep 29, 2014 / texasbreed13 - Sep 30, 2014
|the children full of hope (COMMON APP ESSAY)
6 - Great essay, thanks for sharing here I had never found any correction, I love the way that you had...
Undergraduategodlover - Sep 21, 2014 / JessieCarpenter - Sep 30, 2014
|"Cut us all in half, we're all the same" - the exhibition; this work of art struck me like an arrow
Undergraduaterestinpizza - Sep 29, 2014 / sa1na - Sep 29, 2014
|'questioning all that you have stood for' - College application essay
2 - While I commend you for your strong faith the bonds of family, I believe that the essay became under...
Undergraduatenicksimkins - Sep 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 29, 2014
|"Irrational Rationalism" - Pomono Course Creation Essay
3 - thank you, I appreciate your feedback. I am considering redoing the essay using a different approach...
Undergraduategclough - Sep 28, 2014 / gclough - Sep 29, 2014
|"Life moves pretty fast..." - review my Villanova University Supplement Essay
2 - Supreeth, your essay is heading in 2 different directions at the moment. Making it difficult to find the focus...
Undergraduatesupreeth97 - Sep 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 29, 2014
|"BEST BUDDIES", significant event in my life- college entrance essay
Undergraduatesiegelkp - Sep 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 29, 2014
3 - Your paper could benefit from greater usage of vocabulary words. Although your vocabulary is within the average range for...
Undergraduatesa1na - Sep 29, 2014 / supreeth97 - Sep 29, 2014
|Opportunity Program / Computer Science / Last day fixes before submitting
2 - something that changed my life happened - something happened that changed my life and I wasn't able to go...
UndergraduateRaven_Chant - Sep 28, 2014 / sa1na - Sep 29, 2014
|Things To Do For Joy - MIT Essay
3 - You like to learn try to elaborate on what type of courses interests you, do you only take up...
UndergraduateMMUTHIAA - Sep 28, 2014 / nikhil333 - Sep 28, 2014
|How to be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
UndergraduateSamMorgan - Sep 28, 2014 / nikhil333 - Sep 28, 2014
|UC Prompt 2: A Wrong Gone Good
Undergraduateann158 - Sep 28, 2014 / ann158 - Sep 28, 2014
|'The New Teacher' (the struggle of having an uncommon name) - Common App
6 - I loved it. It's touching and heartbreaking and extremely relatable. (My full name is Neelambari Madhusudhanan, so you can...
Undergraduatejwajwa - Aug 21, 2014 / xigogondaki - Sep 28, 2014
|From Kenya to Stanford ED! :-) Letter to roommate supplement
3 - thanks for the advice Xigogondaki! I was a bit on the fence about that Kiswahili paragraph, haha...Hope we both...
UndergraduateChela - Sep 28, 2014 / Chela - Sep 28, 2014
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