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|'health and science has been my top consideration' - UIC personal essay of program choice
Undergraduatelolchobla - Sep 13, 2014 / nikhil333 - Sep 13, 2014
|'I consider myself an advocate for many things' - UW Madison Essay #1
2 - At first glance, this paper seems solid and well thought out. But there are still a few errors to...
Undergraduatebenziee - Sep 13, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 13, 2014
|I appreciate these three little words: "Vires," "Artes," and "Mores"
2 - I would be sure to note in the opening the meaning of Vires, Artes, and Mores (strength, skill,...
Undergraduatevirgo66 - Sep 8, 2008 / EF_Sheri - Sep 13, 2014
|"Do what makes you happy" - this is best piece of advice I have ever received
5 - Hi... I saw that you attempted to write well. However, I think nobody success to write a good writing...
Undergraduate2015senior - Aug 14, 2014 / SHanafi - Sep 12, 2014
|'I wish to become a Lincesed Practical Nurse' - LPN entrance essay
Undergraduatecms91 - Aug 27, 2014 / Anouar - Sep 12, 2014
|"My journey from dark to light" - an accomplishment or event
UndergraduateAnouar - Sep 8, 2014 / Anouar - Sep 12, 2014
|Superpowers. Pratt 2014 essay
2 - - Don't used cuss words in a formal essay. That shows disrespect for the admissions officer. ...
UndergraduateMckenzieHarris - Sep 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 12, 2014
|The Perfectly Imperfect Woman - Your most important influence(s)
3 - Thank you so much. You're advice helped majorily. The reason why it's just 2 paragraphs is because she told...
Undergraduatearosse52 - Sep 10, 2014 / arosse52 - Sep 11, 2014
|I am a paranoid and sometimes I like to see other people suffer - Personal Description Pharagraph
5 - While your concern about your grammar is good to note, I don't want you worry about how you say...
UndergraduatePrimaLestari - Sep 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 10, 2014
|Library of Congress in Washington DC - it's a place where I was inspired by design...
Undergraduatebrocknroll - Sep 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 10, 2014
|My experience with religion - College essay
2 - Religion is normally an explosive topic to discuss in any essay. However, your discussion was in no way explosive....
Undergraduatebrocknroll - Sep 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 10, 2014
|Human interaction is afflicted from vast burst of technological advances - unnoticed but important
3 - I also agree that your opening paragraph is clumsy. This sentence sounds kind of weird. "I believe that these...
UndergraduateTazza - Sep 10, 2014 / brocknroll - Sep 10, 2014
|"quantification" - best descriptor for my desire to attend the Naval Academy
2 - It is interesting to note that while you did write an interesting personal statement, you did not totally answer...
UndergraduatejjcUSNA - Sep 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 9, 2014
|'Experience of performing French drama' - I don't know how to start and if my topic is right
2 - You certainly chose an interesting topic for your essay. It is possible to discuss anything you want since the...
Undergraduateessayscracker11 - Sep 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 8, 2014
|Harvard Supplemental Essay- There is no specific prompt in which to write about.
3 - You need to fully decide on a topic. Once you do that, itll be much easier to write. Sometimes...
Undergraduatepatriot1776 - Sep 6, 2014 / mscott1029 - Sep 8, 2014
|"College Ready"; in danger of failing the second marking period - experiencing a failure
NEW - The Common Application: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what...
Undergraduatenikhil333 - Sep 8, 2014 / — -
|Expectations of Learning Philosophy - UPE Assignment
2 - You really delivered a well thought out philosophy statement. I can see that you did your best to express...
UndergraduateAlaaMahmoud - Sep 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 8, 2014
|"Pain is temporary...If I quit however, it lasts forever"; UCF Essay 'bump in the road' topic
Undergraduatenehemiahxx - Sep 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
|For me, life happened the same way you fall asleep... Slowly, then all at once. COMMON APP
6 - Thank you so much, I really appreciate your help and all your honest feedback! Let me know if...
UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Sep 6, 2014 / Iyeshaferguson - Sep 7, 2014
|'Understanding of nuclear power' - Admission Essay
2 - While you present a truly compelling argument in this essay. You failed to answer the prompt on the personal...
Undergraduatebenzie42 - Sep 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
|I left my home country Venezuela when I was 10 and came to Illinois, United States
Undergraduateciuffo - Sep 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
|By being a part of the Madison community I have the best chance to make a difference
3 - The University of Wisconsin Madison, to me, is the perfect college , and I know I'm a true badger...
Undergraduatebenzajac - Sep 4, 2014 / BachChaconne2 - Sep 7, 2014
|2014 Reed College Entrance Essay (Why Reed) from a perspective Chinese major.
3 - Your command of the English language is commendable. It has helped you construct a very concise and expressive personal...
Undergraduatekatpants - Sep 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
|I come from a small but modern city in Asia called Hong Kong - personal statement UW-Madison
2 - This is a very solid personal statement that clearly defines your character and its strengths and weaknesses. You obviously...
Undergraduateochan072 - Sep 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
|Good Health - UW Madison something in life that goes unnoticed
2 - Day by day people live their life carelessly... It looks nice if there is 'number agreement', so you write:...
Undergraduateheyoimsam - Sep 7, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Sep 7, 2014
|I sent a disinfectant package to fight bullying - Questbridge Nat'l College Match 2014
7 - Thanks :)...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Sep 5, 2014 / melramadhani - Sep 7, 2014
|MIT: "frightening competence" - my ability to plan and to control my life - personal attributes
6 - This one is better than the original one, it flows better and also emphasize more on your good characteristics....
Undergraduateironhand - Aug 10, 2014 / melramadhani - Sep 7, 2014
|"Tall Dreams, Short Arms" - QUESTBRIDGE Bio Essay
6 - Wonderful! Extremely well written and thought out. This is certainly a paper that could get a grade of 12...
Undergraduatekjoalvey67 - Aug 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
|The art of learning- Stanford- What matters to you most and why
6 - Thanks so much! 😄 Actually this is 250 words exactly which is the word limit. I will scan through...
Undergraduate12nikki12 - Sep 7, 2014 / 12nikki12 - Sep 7, 2014
|Evaluate ethical dilemma you have faced & its impact to you - questbridge nat'l college match
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Sep 4, 2014 / ironhand - Sep 7, 2014
|Travelling alone gave me the opportunity to explore the world in different aspects; UW-Madison essay
3 - Thank you very much! I was really worried about my grammar mistake also! I really appreciate your help!...
Undergraduateanna60564 - Sep 6, 2014 / anna60564 - Sep 6, 2014
|my body | CENTRAL TO IDENTITY
3 - Thank you very much for reading my essay, BachChaconne2. After posting I realized I had a lot of grammatical...
Undergraduateconsultme - Sep 6, 2014 / consultme - Sep 6, 2014
|"Following my dreams" - Stanford Supplemental #3: What matters to you and why?
2 - While you presented a well worded essay, you did not totally answer the prompt. Why is it important that...
UndergraduatePopcornasaur - Sep 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 6, 2014
|The Dirt Mound - Common App Essay
2 - Hello, You have certainly acquitted yourself quite well with this essay. You showed a clear understanding of the...
UndergraduateRyanF121 - Sep 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 5, 2014
|Virginia Tech: Stepping on Hokie Soil
7 - I think your essay is okay, I can follow your story. You showed that you know the university well....
UndergraduateTajwinder - Aug 30, 2014 / melramadhani - Sep 5, 2014
|Hair, style and Fashion Merchandising - MY FIT ESSAY
3 - Thank you so much! i appreciate your feedback. I never really read it over because I wasn't entirely sure...
Undergraduatehailleyann - Sep 2, 2014 / hailleyann - Sep 4, 2014
|How to introduce yourself in your school or classroom. (Short Intro)
3 - As far as I am concerned, this is a very good introduction. While it contains a lot of grammatical...
Undergraduaterohit85330 - Sep 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 4, 2014
|'My experience as a summer diving coach' - US Naval Academy Personal Statement
Undergraduatedbonner15 - Sep 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 3, 2014
|"Every great dream begins with a dreamer" - my essay for FIT
Undergraduateparsonsss - Aug 22, 2014 / parsonsss - Sep 3, 2014
|'excellent links in the fastest growing industry' - Motivation Letter Aarhus University
2 - First of all, what was the prompt that you were given for this essay? It is necessary for you...
Undergraduatesatoko - Sep 2, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 2, 2014
|"From East to West" - Common App event/experience Essay
5 - - I believe that sentence is the key to using your moving experience to discuss your accomplishment, event,...
Undergraduatecali_grl97 - Aug 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 2, 2014
|"The city that makes me a human" - Common App Essay 2015
4 - Dubai can actually be of help to you in responding to the prompt of this essay. Talk about how...
Undergraduateqwerty1234 - Aug 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 2, 2014
|"A lost Russian in America, or is it the other way around?"-- UW-Madison Admission Essay
3 - In my curiosity, I found in Google some unfamiliar vocabularies for me. It would be better if you help...
Undergraduaterachelshay23 - Aug 12, 2014 / SHanafi - Sep 2, 2014
|How it all came to choose the career i want. UC application essay ("personal statement") Prompt #2
4 - I think that you stik to the topic by writing a clear and well-organized essay despite its simplicity but...
Undergraduatexoxo07 - Aug 31, 2014 / Anouar - Sep 2, 2014
|'July 1999 I moved to America' - My immigration story; academic and career plans.
Undergraduatepcvrz34g - Aug 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 2, 2014
|How it came to Chemical Engineering - Common App essay
Undergraduatejethrobenson - Sep 1, 2014 / jethrobenson - Sep 1, 2014
|Describe one of your quirks and why it is part of who you are. UVA supplement
2 - That is definitely a good quirk. But the problem with the essay is that the first paragraph is jumping...
UndergraduateMarilu - Sep 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 1, 2014
|Winter Reading and Dragons
2 - Unfortunately, your essay is quite disconnected. Since you started the essay speaking of reading Harry Potter books, that should...
Undergraduatetdshah1 - Sep 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 1, 2014
|"sea shell" - FAU APPLICATION SHORT ESSAY (140 CHARACTERS)
6 - You need to work on the first and last sentence. First sentence is much too vague and never use...
Undergraduatemariahasbun - Aug 30, 2014 / tdshah1 - Sep 1, 2014
|LIFE ISNT WORTH LIVING IF YOU ONLY LIVE FOR YOURSELF! BARRY UNIVERSITY PROMPT!
3 - During my time at La Rabida I would help children read, write, and forget for a couple of hours...
UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Aug 29, 2014 / jwajwa - Aug 31, 2014
|Tulane - "Exactly the school I need" - SOP Prompt
3 - Scrap the first sentence. This should be what the whole essay is about. Show, show, show. We should be...
Undergraduatemaddigates - Aug 27, 2014 / jwajwa - Aug 31, 2014
|'When I think about my childhood, my sofa comes to mind' - place or environment
Undergraduatedearkris - Aug 30, 2014 / dearkris - Aug 31, 2014
|I gave my hand to a helpless man - Common App Belief essay
5 - This fantastic work! The essay is ready for submission :) The content, the vividness of the description, the end...
Undergraduatesamkazmi - Aug 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 30, 2014
|A broken fridge away to adulthood - Common App Prompt 5
3 - Idea is really good. There are a few grammatical mistakes but its a first draft so i'm sure it...
Undergraduateanthonysw - Aug 29, 2014 / samkazmi - Aug 29, 2014
|computer science and virtual reality
NEW - Please help me revise my essay. This is my first draft. Any specific suggestions about grammar and language style/flow...
Undergraduateyazoo - Aug 29, 2014 / — -
|I was told that I'm lucky to receive an education in America - USF college entrance essay
4 - I hate to tell you this but the second essay still does not answer the prompt. The main focus...
Undergraduatehari11296 - Aug 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 29, 2014
|A Dyslexic Home School Boy Conquers Public School - Common App prompt 5
2 - Okay, first the bad news. Transitioning from home schooling to public school does not count as a transition from...
Undergraduatephilipsurdy - Aug 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 29, 2014
|Senator Mark Kirk - Why do you want to join a Service Academy? (Nomination)
7 - You presented your 3 character traits as part of your justification for your interest in joining the Naval Service...
Undergraduatejholden93 - Aug 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 29, 2014
|"The Bus" - Common app Prompt; Perfectly Content
7 - The problem is , as vangiespen says, that you do not explain the importance of the bus ride and...
UndergraduateJacobCub - Aug 29, 2014 / samkazmi - Aug 29, 2014
|"it's the mark of a great player to be confident in tough situations" college essay
Undergraduateparsonsss - Aug 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 28, 2014
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