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|'My initial interest in attending the United States Naval Academy came from living around water'
2 - My initial interest in attending the United States Naval Academy came -comes- from living -having lived around water all...
Undergraduategraycamp - Sep 21, 2014 / sa1na - Sep 21, 2014
|Many applicants to college are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to your interest?
Undergraduatesa1na - Sep 21, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Sep 21, 2014
|"Progress and Service" what does that mean to you?
3 - Hi there! Thanks for the feedback. It is one of the question by Georgia tech for freshmen applicants and...
UndergraduateCaptainCook - Sep 21, 2014 / CaptainCook - Sep 21, 2014
|'strange and uncommon story' - Should I write about my unique situations for the common app essay?
3 - absolutely! you have a great idea of what you want to tell the admission officers. just develop your points...
UndergraduateLiveLife - Sep 8, 2014 / CaptainCook - Sep 21, 2014
|Two short personal statements: one based on diversity, the other based on growth. Which is better?
Undergraduatem924 - Sep 17, 2014 / m924 - Sep 21, 2014
|The smallest infection or malignancy can be catastrophic and debilitating for a person; Career Goals
UndergraduateDonnaB2015 - Sep 18, 2014 / andy15 - Sep 21, 2014
|I WILL NOT LIE NYU - NYU SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAY
3 - Through reading your essay, I could only get some superficial reason for your love towards NYU. It's mainly because...
Undergraduatenikhil333 - Sep 13, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Sep 20, 2014
|With keen interest in creativity and designer arts, I am a person with varied interests and talents
2 - This part is not persuasive. Every time you include a sentence that is not persuasive, or at least...
UndergraduateTrendzy - Sep 19, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Sep 19, 2014
|'Losing him was losing not just a father but also a best friend' - UC prompt #1 Life experience
4 - As the others said, this work is very enthralling and you keep the reader hooked from the beginning. One...
UndergraduateArchlefirth - Sep 15, 2014 / djgvolt - Sep 18, 2014
|"Make a living out of something you love to do" - University of Texas at Austin Statement of Purpose
2 - I think the first few sentences of the first paragraph can be removed. They are not really helpful for...
Undergraduateperle95 - Sep 18, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Sep 18, 2014
|"I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN!"; Music never goes unnoticed.
Undergraduatepaigeo78 - Sep 16, 2014 / sara waled - Sep 17, 2014
|'the major I plan to pursue, Animal Sciences' - top 5 reasons to be a Hokie
Undergraduatemzywicki - Sep 16, 2014 / Ashlyn - Sep 16, 2014
|A Cheerleader - a snobby girl who is usually self-centered and typically not intelligent - UF
4 - I guess I am missing something here because I thought the main purpose of the essay was not to...
Undergraduatelidlmissblonde - Oct 12, 2008 / vangiespen - Sep 16, 2014
|'Finding a cure to a genetic disease such as ALD was legendary to me'; UPENN Supplement
Undergraduatemoogle123 - Sep 15, 2014 / moogle123 - Sep 16, 2014
|Tell UoPeople a little bit about your village, city, region or country and what makes it unique.
5 - This is an amazing idea as everyone will agree that a view of neighboring Singapore is best only from...
Undergraduatehor - Sep 15, 2014 / hor - Sep 16, 2014
|Rural area, left the community - UC prompt#1
2 - it was compulsive readin'. when it comes to your grammar, it is perfectly comprehensible. However, some minor grammar and...
Undergraduatephraephet_oh - Nov 26, 2008 / Luke Cameron Jr - Sep 16, 2014
|USNA Personal Statement - opportunity to study Aerospace engineering at the academy
3 - My advice, would be to separate the various subject sentences into paragraphs so that the reader will know to...
Undergraduaterickjaime52 - Sep 15, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 15, 2014
|"Family and Dialect" - UC Application Prompt One
UndergraduateExpeke - Sep 15, 2014 / Expeke - Sep 15, 2014
|"I am Chicano: Self Identify"
2 - ... compares two cultural identities of Mexicans: Mexicanos and Chicanos You don't need however here. It...
UndergraduateMannyDev - Sep 14, 2014 / xatutik - Sep 15, 2014
|My biggest obstacle to overcome was to accept my new surroundings; College admission essay
3 - Just a couple of months, after moving to America, my parents decided to put me into school in the...
Undergraduatekim16164 - Sep 14, 2014 / niesaysi - Sep 15, 2014
|not many opportunities for women to get education - college essay
4 - However, In 2000 I did not know English and Economics. Now I can speak English fluently and four...
Undergraduatemehwish khan - Nov 11, 2008 / fikri - Sep 15, 2014
|What do you plan to study at X University? What career are you pursing at this point and why?
UndergraduateAbdiu01 - Sep 15, 2014 / fikri - Sep 15, 2014
|My Community - The Classical Musicians; University of Michigan
Undergraduatesooysauce - Sep 14, 2014 / nickyzhi - Sep 15, 2014
|Meant to be Temple-Made - earlier I had only dreams that were way to big and scary for my small town
2 - Stefani, while you wrote a very engaging and informative single page essay but I have to tell you that...
Undergraduatestefanieionadi - Sep 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 14, 2014
|Maybe one day, people will not have to hide their sexuality because of their fear of standing out
Undergraduateerinapply - Sep 14, 2014 / asi677 - Sep 14, 2014
|MIT: 'Every evening I put on my running clothes and go to nearby forest to run few kilometers'
7 - When I cannot solve some problem, the solution often comes to me on a run because I'm able to...
Undergraduateironhand - Aug 25, 2014 / SeniorPeach2015 - Sep 14, 2014
|Running a mile into the UC 2015 Prompt!
UndergraduateSeniorPeach2015 - Aug 16, 2014 / SeniorPeach2015 - Sep 14, 2014
|'40 question paper' - describe an incident which led you to challenge yourself
Undergraduateksu - Aug 31, 2014 / ksu - Sep 14, 2014
|"For the Love of Physics" / "Creativity" - favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, music...
4 - Since all the correction have been made, I just want to add that if you include another piece of...
UndergraduateRevtZ_hh - Sep 14, 2014 / Consular - Sep 14, 2014
|A Jealousy - Harvard commonapp writing supplement (free topic)
5 - You made an excellent addition to the essay! There are just a few points that you need to revise....
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Sep 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 14, 2014
|'I immediately felt a desire to know more about the institution' - Why Madison?
2 - Additional work is required to further improve your essay prior to the proofreading for grammar and sentence structure issues....
Undergraduateciuffom - Sep 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 14, 2014
|RISD: Spending a Day With a Favorite Artist
Undergraduatekiditaly - Sep 13, 2014 / kiditaly - Sep 14, 2014
|'health and science has been my top consideration' - UIC personal essay of program choice
Undergraduatelolchobla - Sep 13, 2014 / nikhil333 - Sep 13, 2014
|'I consider myself an advocate for many things' - UW Madison Essay #1
2 - At first glance, this paper seems solid and well thought out. But there are still a few errors to...
Undergraduatebenziee - Sep 13, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 13, 2014
|I appreciate these three little words: "Vires," "Artes," and "Mores"
2 - I would be sure to note in the opening the meaning of Vires, Artes, and Mores (strength, skill,...
Undergraduatevirgo66 - Sep 8, 2008 / EF_Sheri - Sep 13, 2014
|"Do what makes you happy" - this is best piece of advice I have ever received
5 - Hi... I saw that you attempted to write well. However, I think nobody success to write a good writing...
Undergraduate2015senior - Aug 14, 2014 / SHanafi - Sep 12, 2014
|'I wish to become a Lincesed Practical Nurse' - LPN entrance essay
Undergraduatecms91 - Aug 27, 2014 / Anouar - Sep 12, 2014
|"My journey from dark to light" - an accomplishment or event
UndergraduateAnouar - Sep 8, 2014 / Anouar - Sep 12, 2014
|Superpowers. Pratt 2014 essay
2 - - Don't used cuss words in a formal essay. That shows disrespect for the admissions officer. ...
UndergraduateMckenzieHarris - Sep 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 12, 2014
|The Perfectly Imperfect Woman - Your most important influence(s)
3 - Thank you so much. You're advice helped majorily. The reason why it's just 2 paragraphs is because she told...
Undergraduatearosse52 - Sep 10, 2014 / arosse52 - Sep 11, 2014
|I am a paranoid and sometimes I like to see other people suffer - Personal Description Pharagraph
5 - While your concern about your grammar is good to note, I don't want you worry about how you say...
UndergraduatePrimaLestari - Sep 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 10, 2014
|Library of Congress in Washington DC - it's a place where I was inspired by design...
Undergraduatebrocknroll - Sep 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 10, 2014
|My experience with religion - College essay
2 - Religion is normally an explosive topic to discuss in any essay. However, your discussion was in no way explosive....
Undergraduatebrocknroll - Sep 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 10, 2014
|Human interaction is afflicted from vast burst of technological advances - unnoticed but important
3 - I also agree that your opening paragraph is clumsy. This sentence sounds kind of weird. "I believe that these...
UndergraduateTazza - Sep 10, 2014 / brocknroll - Sep 10, 2014
|"quantification" - best descriptor for my desire to attend the Naval Academy
2 - It is interesting to note that while you did write an interesting personal statement, you did not totally answer...
UndergraduatejjcUSNA - Sep 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 9, 2014
|'Experience of performing French drama' - I don't know how to start and if my topic is right
2 - You certainly chose an interesting topic for your essay. It is possible to discuss anything you want since the...
Undergraduateessayscracker11 - Sep 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 8, 2014
|Harvard Supplemental Essay- There is no specific prompt in which to write about.
3 - You need to fully decide on a topic. Once you do that, itll be much easier to write. Sometimes...
Undergraduatepatriot1776 - Sep 6, 2014 / mscott1029 - Sep 8, 2014
|"College Ready"; in danger of failing the second marking period - experiencing a failure
NEW - The Common Application: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what...
Undergraduatenikhil333 - Sep 8, 2014 / — -
|Expectations of Learning Philosophy - UPE Assignment
2 - You really delivered a well thought out philosophy statement. I can see that you did your best to express...
UndergraduateAlaaMahmoud - Sep 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 8, 2014
|"Pain is temporary...If I quit however, it lasts forever"; UCF Essay 'bump in the road' topic
Undergraduatenehemiahxx - Sep 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
|For me, life happened the same way you fall asleep... Slowly, then all at once. COMMON APP
6 - Thank you so much, I really appreciate your help and all your honest feedback! Let me know if...
UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Sep 6, 2014 / Iyeshaferguson - Sep 7, 2014
|'Understanding of nuclear power' - Admission Essay
2 - While you present a truly compelling argument in this essay. You failed to answer the prompt on the personal...
Undergraduatebenzie42 - Sep 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
|I left my home country Venezuela when I was 10 and came to Illinois, United States
Undergraduateciuffo - Sep 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
|By being a part of the Madison community I have the best chance to make a difference
3 - The University of Wisconsin Madison, to me, is the perfect college , and I know I'm a true badger...
Undergraduatebenzajac - Sep 4, 2014 / BachChaconne2 - Sep 7, 2014
|2014 Reed College Entrance Essay (Why Reed) from a perspective Chinese major.
3 - Your command of the English language is commendable. It has helped you construct a very concise and expressive personal...
Undergraduatekatpants - Sep 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
|I come from a small but modern city in Asia called Hong Kong - personal statement UW-Madison
2 - This is a very solid personal statement that clearly defines your character and its strengths and weaknesses. You obviously...
Undergraduateochan072 - Sep 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
|Good Health - UW Madison something in life that goes unnoticed
2 - Day by day people live their life carelessly... It looks nice if there is 'number agreement', so you write:...
Undergraduateheyoimsam - Sep 7, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Sep 7, 2014
|I sent a disinfectant package to fight bullying - Questbridge Nat'l College Match 2014
7 - Thanks :)...
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Sep 5, 2014 / melramadhani - Sep 7, 2014
|MIT: "frightening competence" - my ability to plan and to control my life - personal attributes
6 - This one is better than the original one, it flows better and also emphasize more on your good characteristics....
Undergraduateironhand - Aug 10, 2014 / melramadhani - Sep 7, 2014
|"Tall Dreams, Short Arms" - QUESTBRIDGE Bio Essay
6 - Wonderful! Extremely well written and thought out. This is certainly a paper that could get a grade of 12...
Undergraduatekjoalvey67 - Aug 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 7, 2014
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