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|"my grandparents' home in Jordan" - a place you feel content; Personal statement for CPW
UndergraduateOneFiveTwo - Aug 28, 2014 / OneFiveTwo - Aug 28, 2014
|SAT - Some of the heroes get forgotten because they probably didn't affect directly people's lives
3 - In terms of your writing, the essay is pretty good. But you did not answer the question. Give a...
Undergraduateluisfl97 - Aug 7, 2014 / samkazmi - Aug 28, 2014
|'My interests include organic chemistry and biochemistry' - Which department or program at MIT?
5 - I think the essay would be much improved if you mentioned any accomplishments or important tasks that you performed...
Undergraduateironhand - Aug 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 28, 2014
|'the wind was always at my back' - Explain Hardships Faced/ impact to a student/ overcame adversity
Undergraduatelawdlc - Aug 18, 2014 / SHanafi - Aug 28, 2014
|Public speaking fears - UW madison essay
Undergraduatefarron - Aug 27, 2014 / EF_Susan - Aug 27, 2014
|Competitive children can archive more in their adult life; competition or co-operation?
3 - Thanks for the corrections! now they know how and what to do in situations when they should show...
UndergraduateGaziF - Aug 27, 2014 / GaziF - Aug 27, 2014
|My goal is having lots of money to help homeless as well as poor people - success definition
5 - Thank you for you comment :) I think my latter sentence emphasizes what I mean, why I am luckier...
Undergraduateguanin_1503 - Aug 26, 2014 / guanin_1503 - Aug 27, 2014
|Lucked out of the gaokao ; UW Madison Admisson Essay
UndergraduateDavid1 - Aug 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 26, 2014
|'The assignment was to make a family tree, and there were two boxes above my name: mom and dad'
Undergraduategilliang - Aug 26, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Aug 26, 2014
|The World of Harry Potter is the world I came from - MIT essay
2 - You totally missed the point of the prompt. It has nothing to do with fictional worlds and what you...
Undergraduatetdshah1 - Aug 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 26, 2014
|High school - the time when I learned most about myself and discovered the type of person I am
3 - Most people would say that your years ofin high school is where you'llyou learn most about yourself and...
Undergraduateitzvt - Aug 20, 2014 / dumi - Aug 26, 2014
|Skateboarding; I grew up within a community of talented, inspiring individuals - background or story
Undergraduatewilguen - Aug 25, 2014 / dumi - Aug 25, 2014
|Here, in the movie theater is where I feel the most satisfaction, the most joy, the most comfort
8 - good job, but I think you can be more specific. many lines like "I'm able to feel every connection...
Undergraduateamberkb - Aug 22, 2014 / tdshah1 - Aug 25, 2014
|I'm so ready to look and reach further to get what I desire for so long - University of Washington
Undergraduatehuy_big_show - Aug 18, 2014 / SHanafi - Aug 25, 2014
|"Order of the Arrow" - Common App Essay: WHAT PLACE ARE YOU MOST CONTENT?
Undergraduateruffruff999 - Aug 25, 2014 / sircampbell - Aug 25, 2014
|"just do not panic, go and take what you deserved" - MIT: most significant challenge you've faced.
Undergraduateironhand - Aug 21, 2014 / kabylda - Aug 25, 2014
|to persuade the parent to give freedom to their children in determining their own future
2 - :) Freedom is meant by someonecan do whatever they wantmeans the power of act, speak or think as...
Undergraduateaizuddin - Aug 25, 2014 / dumi - Aug 25, 2014
|Zero and One - The Most Powerful Numbers - Transfer Essay
3 - I really enjoyed the concept of zero and one which is continually referenced. The end of the essay gets...
Undergraduatefayne4674 - Aug 21, 2014 / wilguen - Aug 25, 2014
|"Busy day" - College Essay - Why Penn?
3 - I think that this essay should be a little bit more abstract in terms of the concepts of leadership...
Undergraduateruffruff999 - Aug 24, 2014 / wilguen - Aug 25, 2014
|'I had the fantastic opportunity to travel to several cities in Europe' - Columbia; intended major?
3 - Sure, here's the prompt: For applicants to Columbia College, please tell us what from your current and past...
Undergraduatewilguen - Aug 24, 2014 / wilguen - Aug 25, 2014
|The Transcendence of a Stage - transition from childhood to adulthood
5 - Nobody knew that I (no comma) being a classical piano playerpianistcompletely in a complete different ballpark from modern day...
Undergraduateyazoo - Aug 23, 2014 / dumi - Aug 24, 2014
|How does USD stand out amongst all of the other colleges to which you are applying?
3 - Well, I find your response does not give much solid reasons as to why USD stands out other choices....
UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Aug 17, 2014 / dumi - Aug 24, 2014
|Supporting statement for exchange semester in Australian university, game technologies
3 - Hi Kevin, thanks first of all for your extensive feedback! Your challenge got me on the right path and...
UndergraduateStevie - Aug 17, 2014 / Stevie - Aug 23, 2014
|My family environment and it's affect on me. They have helped me to become who I am
UndergraduateZunera - Aug 6, 2014 / dumi - Aug 22, 2014
|"PERSPECTIVE" - gazing vacantly into the distance. Place where are you perfectly content.
2 - ... well, I get confused with the latter part of this sentence. Who expected your to be closer...
Undergraduatenassimahmadi - Aug 21, 2014 / dumi - Aug 22, 2014
|Merging both medicine and business; doctor - person you dream of becoming - Syracuse Supp
4 - I dream of being a person that helps to shape the future of health care by merging both medicine...
UndergraduateSteezed12 - Aug 21, 2014 / dumi - Aug 21, 2014
|"I'm just a circle" Common app essay, review desperate!
3 - Thank you! This is my first draft, and I'm glad that without the common wording, things look okay. Do...
Undergraduatelazypanda - Aug 16, 2014 / lazypanda - Aug 21, 2014
|'joining the fire department as an emergency medical technician' - meaningful experience
2 - This is nice essay which appropriate to the prompt. I just do minor corrections. Clearly stated, What kind...
UndergraduateMed - Aug 13, 2014 / SHanafi - Aug 21, 2014
|Common App: The serenity of Blue Lake
NEW - I have always been fascinated by the perseverance of nature, the way the great landmarks of the world seem...
Undergraduatejmilla13 - Aug 20, 2014 / — -
|"Limitless" - experiences or accomplishments that have helped to define me as a person
4 - My experiences, the hardships, the achievements, the highs and lows--they do not define me. I think you should put...
Undergraduatephoebedominique - Aug 10, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Aug 19, 2014
|'I KIND OF JUST WANT TO GO AS FAR AS POSSIBLE!' - MY REASON FOR ATTENDING
2 - I consider myself lucky when it comes to the question, "What do you want to do with your life?"...
UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Aug 19, 2014 / jmilla13 - Aug 19, 2014
|"fly, crash, repeat" - Common App Essay - The RC Field
2 - This is definitely amazing, and i picked up on your major right away which is great. Comments: Try...
UndergraduateRyanF121 - Aug 17, 2014 / Iyeshaferguson - Aug 19, 2014
|"What, are you kidding? I'd never get in there" - Vassar supplement
2 - Great use of imagery! When reading about places and how the writer views a particular place, getting the imagery...
Undergraduaterobby04321 - Aug 17, 2014 / EF_Sheri - Aug 19, 2014
|A mix between a "central identity" story and "challenging an idea" - Common Application Essay
3 - Thanks for the advice. I definitely agree with your suggestion in terms of deleting the first paragraph, as well...
UndergraduateTh25cc - Aug 16, 2014 / Th25cc - Aug 19, 2014
|Hey Roomie! First things first- peanut butter: Stanford essay
2 - Hi! First, Thanks again for helping me with my essay... Comments: I think this is absolutely hilarious, you...
Undergraduatetdshah1 - Aug 18, 2014 / Iyeshaferguson - Aug 18, 2014
|'I gather some tips on how Hollywood stars talk, act, and present themselves' - MIT essay
2 - Well, after reviewing, I can't say that your first objective has been fulfilled, i think you should spend more...
Undergraduatetdshah1 - Aug 17, 2014 / supreeth97 - Aug 17, 2014
|"My father was a great man, I looked up to him" - Common App Essay 2015
Undergraduatesupreeth97 - Aug 17, 2014 / supreeth97 - Aug 17, 2014
|What is the best piece of advice you have ever received? Why is it important?
2 - There itThis is (remove comma) the most outstanding piece of advice I have ever received. Well,...
Undergraduate2015senior - Aug 16, 2014 / Pahan - Aug 17, 2014
|Raised in a typical American family of four children and divorced parents - cultural backgrounds
3 - There is something blasphemous about a teenager expressing an opinion about an important issue, like affirmative action. : )...
Undergraduatebschaefer - Aug 13, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Aug 14, 2014
|CourtTV / Aspiring Physician / Biology - Upenn supplement
2 - I think it might not be helpful to suppose that the television shows they watched with you expanded...
Undergraduatechocolate108 - Aug 11, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Aug 11, 2014
|'crutial moment to take the right decision' - essay to apply to Ritsumeikan APU in Japan
3 - Thanks a lot for your suggestions. Really appreciated it and trying to edit as per your advice....
UndergraduateAirborne Ranger - Aug 11, 2014 / Airborne Ranger - Aug 11, 2014
|'At a younger age, the idea of me doing well in school was unheard of' - SOP for UT in Austin
2 - My academic history was not something I amwas proud of, yet... Throughout my life I've witnessed my parents...
Undergraduaterjai0972 - Aug 6, 2014 / EF_Susan - Aug 10, 2014
|"Golden Spiral" - challenge a belief or idea
Undergraduateroysar - Aug 10, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Aug 10, 2014
|"Eco-Challenge" - Adventure Racing essay
2 - Sometimes, the people who read these essays are sticklers for grammar. Every grammarian will tell you not to...
Undergraduatebluewaves343 - Aug 7, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Aug 9, 2014
|To tweet or not to tweet?" This is one tough question to answer
2 - This is an interesting piece of writing. The title is a reference to Shakespeare. To be, or not to...
Undergraduateqiao2014 - Aug 6, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Aug 8, 2014
|"I didn't deserve it" - GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT!
UndergraduatePereirar - Aug 4, 2014 / Pereirar - Aug 7, 2014
|"Typhoon Haiyan" - significant experience for ADMU Essay
4 - Definitely not. Just combine them in one paragraph. An introduction is typically presented in one paragraph....
Undergraduatenathaley - Aug 4, 2014 / niesaysi - Aug 7, 2014
|My friends are the people who changed me. My enemies are my motivation.
Undergraduatemostdowpe - Aug 7, 2014 / — -
|Nowadays some professions such as doctors, lawyers... can become very rich. Is it right?
UndergraduateKerryliu - Aug 5, 2014 / florszi - Aug 6, 2014
|I'm just a young woman trying to reach my full potential - UT - Austin Transfer Essay A
Undergraduatehcr_91 - Aug 5, 2014 / izhar - Aug 5, 2014
|For Those Who Can't; accomplishment or event that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood
2 - There is absolutely no feeling that compares <(compares to what? You shouldn't start off with a short sentence, you...
Undergraduatekeellyross - Aug 3, 2014 / cpuissant - Aug 5, 2014
|Creative Spoof - Madison Application Essay
Undergraduatecpuissant - Aug 4, 2014 / Jwala - Aug 4, 2014
|Fun and Pranking Essay -- Caltech
2 - There isn't much to criticize here. This is fabulously written. Two things though. Put some comas in: "From classics...
Undergraduatedjgvolt - Aug 4, 2014 / cpuissant - Aug 4, 2014
|'NOT YET'; any experience or accomplishment that defines me? (College Entrance Essay)
3 - Generally speaking I think you have to mention your own story, do you attend any workshops regarding writing your...
Undergraduatethaaatgirlll - Aug 2, 2014 / EyadBosy - Aug 4, 2014
|"smart" is not enough for people to be successful; SOP for Univ. of Washington - software developer
Undergraduatehuyenluv - Aug 3, 2014 / huyenluv - Aug 3, 2014
|'Helping other is my passion' - Hartwick Supplement - Describe some aspect about yourself
2 - Helping others... overall good read.. You could also start with lines on more broader aspect like I always want...
Undergraduatevc859 - Aug 2, 2014 / sky2586 - Aug 2, 2014
|"As soon as you trust yourself, you will learn how to live" - experiences that defined you
2 - Good Job! I'll just give some suggestions, for example, instead of saying " I give my gratitude to God",...
Undergraduateqwertyddam - Jul 31, 2014 / Gulnar604 - Jul 31, 2014
|'My father introduced me to the C programming language' - SOP UT Austin computer science
Undergraduatethounumber1 - Jul 30, 2014 / niesaysi - Jul 31, 2014
|"CHILD HAUS" - ESSAY FOR ATENEO APPLICATION FORM
UndergraduateyoureGANAmissme - Jul 28, 2014 / Hiruni - Jul 28, 2014
|Who I am ; U of M - My community and place within it
3 - I walk into the temple. I see men in turbans, women in their salwar kameez, a traditional modest ...
Undergraduateasaraan - Jul 15, 2014 / dumi - Jul 27, 2014
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