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|'My experience as a summer diving coach' - US Naval Academy Personal Statement
Undergraduatedbonner15 - Sep 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 3, 2014
|"Every great dream begins with a dreamer" - my essay for FIT
Undergraduateparsonsss - Aug 22, 2014 / parsonsss - Sep 3, 2014
|'excellent links in the fastest growing industry' - Motivation Letter Aarhus University
2 - First of all, what was the prompt that you were given for this essay? It is necessary for you...
Undergraduatesatoko - Sep 2, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 2, 2014
|"From East to West" - Common App event/experience Essay
5 - - I believe that sentence is the key to using your moving experience to discuss your accomplishment, event,...
Undergraduatecali_grl97 - Aug 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 2, 2014
|"The city that makes me a human" - Common App Essay 2015
4 - Dubai can actually be of help to you in responding to the prompt of this essay. Talk about how...
Undergraduateqwerty1234 - Aug 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 2, 2014
|"A lost Russian in America, or is it the other way around?"-- UW-Madison Admission Essay
3 - In my curiosity, I found in Google some unfamiliar vocabularies for me. It would be better if you help...
Undergraduaterachelshay23 - Aug 12, 2014 / SHanafi - Sep 2, 2014
|How it all came to choose the career i want. UC application essay ("personal statement") Prompt #2
4 - I think that you stik to the topic by writing a clear and well-organized essay despite its simplicity but...
Undergraduatexoxo07 - Aug 31, 2014 / Anouar - Sep 2, 2014
|'July 1999 I moved to America' - My immigration story; academic and career plans.
Undergraduatepcvrz34g - Aug 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 2, 2014
|How it came to Chemical Engineering - Common App essay
Undergraduatejethrobenson - Sep 1, 2014 / jethrobenson - Sep 1, 2014
|Describe one of your quirks and why it is part of who you are. UVA supplement
2 - That is definitely a good quirk. But the problem with the essay is that the first paragraph is jumping...
UndergraduateMarilu - Sep 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 1, 2014
|Winter Reading and Dragons
2 - Unfortunately, your essay is quite disconnected. Since you started the essay speaking of reading Harry Potter books, that should...
Undergraduatetdshah1 - Sep 1, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 1, 2014
|"sea shell" - FAU APPLICATION SHORT ESSAY (140 CHARACTERS)
6 - You need to work on the first and last sentence. First sentence is much too vague and never use...
Undergraduatemariahasbun - Aug 30, 2014 / tdshah1 - Sep 1, 2014
|LIFE ISNT WORTH LIVING IF YOU ONLY LIVE FOR YOURSELF! BARRY UNIVERSITY PROMPT!
3 - During my time at La Rabida I would help children read, write, and forget for a couple of hours...
UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Aug 29, 2014 / jwajwa - Aug 31, 2014
|Tulane - "Exactly the school I need" - SOP Prompt
3 - Scrap the first sentence. This should be what the whole essay is about. Show, show, show. We should be...
Undergraduatemaddigates - Aug 27, 2014 / jwajwa - Aug 31, 2014
|'When I think about my childhood, my sofa comes to mind' - place or environment
Undergraduatedearkris - Aug 30, 2014 / dearkris - Aug 31, 2014
|I gave my hand to a helpless man - Common App Belief essay
5 - This fantastic work! The essay is ready for submission :) The content, the vividness of the description, the end...
Undergraduatesamkazmi - Aug 26, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 30, 2014
|A broken fridge away to adulthood - Common App Prompt 5
3 - Idea is really good. There are a few grammatical mistakes but its a first draft so i'm sure it...
Undergraduateanthonysw - Aug 29, 2014 / samkazmi - Aug 29, 2014
|computer science and virtual reality
NEW - Please help me revise my essay. This is my first draft. Any specific suggestions about grammar and language style/flow...
Undergraduateyazoo - Aug 29, 2014 / — -
|I was told that I'm lucky to receive an education in America - USF college entrance essay
4 - I hate to tell you this but the second essay still does not answer the prompt. The main focus...
Undergraduatehari11296 - Aug 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 29, 2014
|A Dyslexic Home School Boy Conquers Public School - Common App prompt 5
2 - Okay, first the bad news. Transitioning from home schooling to public school does not count as a transition from...
Undergraduatephilipsurdy - Aug 29, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 29, 2014
|Senator Mark Kirk - Why do you want to join a Service Academy? (Nomination)
7 - You presented your 3 character traits as part of your justification for your interest in joining the Naval Service...
Undergraduatejholden93 - Aug 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 29, 2014
|"The Bus" - Common app Prompt; Perfectly Content
7 - The problem is , as vangiespen says, that you do not explain the importance of the bus ride and...
UndergraduateJacobCub - Aug 29, 2014 / samkazmi - Aug 29, 2014
|"it's the mark of a great player to be confident in tough situations" college essay
Undergraduateparsonsss - Aug 28, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 28, 2014
|"my grandparents' home in Jordan" - a place you feel content; Personal statement for CPW
UndergraduateOneFiveTwo - Aug 28, 2014 / OneFiveTwo - Aug 28, 2014
|SAT - Some of the heroes get forgotten because they probably didn't affect directly people's lives
3 - In terms of your writing, the essay is pretty good. But you did not answer the question. Give a...
Undergraduateluisfl97 - Aug 7, 2014 / samkazmi - Aug 28, 2014
|'My interests include organic chemistry and biochemistry' - Which department or program at MIT?
5 - I think the essay would be much improved if you mentioned any accomplishments or important tasks that you performed...
Undergraduateironhand - Aug 24, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 28, 2014
|'the wind was always at my back' - Explain Hardships Faced/ impact to a student/ overcame adversity
Undergraduatelawdlc - Aug 18, 2014 / SHanafi - Aug 28, 2014
|Public speaking fears - UW madison essay
Undergraduatefarron - Aug 27, 2014 / EF_Susan - Aug 27, 2014
|Competitive children can archive more in their adult life; competition or co-operation?
3 - Thanks for the corrections! now they know how and what to do in situations when they should show...
UndergraduateGaziF - Aug 27, 2014 / GaziF - Aug 27, 2014
|My goal is having lots of money to help homeless as well as poor people - success definition
5 - Thank you for you comment :) I think my latter sentence emphasizes what I mean, why I am luckier...
Undergraduateguanin_1503 - Aug 26, 2014 / guanin_1503 - Aug 27, 2014
|Lucked out of the gaokao ; UW Madison Admisson Essay
UndergraduateDavid1 - Aug 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 26, 2014
|'The assignment was to make a family tree, and there were two boxes above my name: mom and dad'
Undergraduategilliang - Aug 26, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Aug 26, 2014
|The World of Harry Potter is the world I came from - MIT essay
2 - You totally missed the point of the prompt. It has nothing to do with fictional worlds and what you...
Undergraduatetdshah1 - Aug 25, 2014 / vangiespen - Aug 26, 2014
|High school - the time when I learned most about myself and discovered the type of person I am
3 - Most people would say that your years ofin high school is where you'llyou learn most about yourself and...
Undergraduateitzvt - Aug 20, 2014 / dumi - Aug 26, 2014
|Skateboarding; I grew up within a community of talented, inspiring individuals - background or story
Undergraduatewilguen - Aug 25, 2014 / dumi - Aug 25, 2014
|Here, in the movie theater is where I feel the most satisfaction, the most joy, the most comfort
8 - good job, but I think you can be more specific. many lines like "I'm able to feel every connection...
Undergraduateamberkb - Aug 22, 2014 / tdshah1 - Aug 25, 2014
|I'm so ready to look and reach further to get what I desire for so long - University of Washington
Undergraduatehuy_big_show - Aug 18, 2014 / SHanafi - Aug 25, 2014
|"Order of the Arrow" - Common App Essay: WHAT PLACE ARE YOU MOST CONTENT?
Undergraduateruffruff999 - Aug 25, 2014 / sircampbell - Aug 25, 2014
|"just do not panic, go and take what you deserved" - MIT: most significant challenge you've faced.
Undergraduateironhand - Aug 21, 2014 / kabylda - Aug 25, 2014
|to persuade the parent to give freedom to their children in determining their own future
2 - :) Freedom is meant by someonecan do whatever they wantmeans the power of act, speak or think as...
Undergraduateaizuddin - Aug 25, 2014 / dumi - Aug 25, 2014
|Zero and One - The Most Powerful Numbers - Transfer Essay
3 - I really enjoyed the concept of zero and one which is continually referenced. The end of the essay gets...
Undergraduatefayne4674 - Aug 21, 2014 / wilguen - Aug 25, 2014
|"Busy day" - College Essay - Why Penn?
3 - I think that this essay should be a little bit more abstract in terms of the concepts of leadership...
Undergraduateruffruff999 - Aug 24, 2014 / wilguen - Aug 25, 2014
|'I had the fantastic opportunity to travel to several cities in Europe' - Columbia; intended major?
3 - Sure, here's the prompt: For applicants to Columbia College, please tell us what from your current and past...
Undergraduatewilguen - Aug 24, 2014 / wilguen - Aug 25, 2014
|The Transcendence of a Stage - transition from childhood to adulthood
5 - Nobody knew that I (no comma) being a classical piano playerpianistcompletely in a complete different ballpark from modern day...
Undergraduateyazoo - Aug 23, 2014 / dumi - Aug 24, 2014
|How does USD stand out amongst all of the other colleges to which you are applying?
3 - Well, I find your response does not give much solid reasons as to why USD stands out other choices....
UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Aug 17, 2014 / dumi - Aug 24, 2014
|Supporting statement for exchange semester in Australian university, game technologies
3 - Hi Kevin, thanks first of all for your extensive feedback! Your challenge got me on the right path and...
UndergraduateStevie - Aug 17, 2014 / Stevie - Aug 23, 2014
|My family environment and it's affect on me. They have helped me to become who I am
UndergraduateZunera - Aug 6, 2014 / dumi - Aug 22, 2014
|"PERSPECTIVE" - gazing vacantly into the distance. Place where are you perfectly content.
2 - ... well, I get confused with the latter part of this sentence. Who expected your to be closer...
Undergraduatenassimahmadi - Aug 21, 2014 / dumi - Aug 22, 2014
|Merging both medicine and business; doctor - person you dream of becoming - Syracuse Supp
4 - I dream of being a person that helps to shape the future of health care by merging both medicine...
UndergraduateSteezed12 - Aug 21, 2014 / dumi - Aug 21, 2014
|"I'm just a circle" Common app essay, review desperate!
3 - Thank you! This is my first draft, and I'm glad that without the common wording, things look okay. Do...
Undergraduatelazypanda - Aug 16, 2014 / lazypanda - Aug 21, 2014
|'joining the fire department as an emergency medical technician' - meaningful experience
2 - This is nice essay which appropriate to the prompt. I just do minor corrections. Clearly stated, What kind...
UndergraduateMed - Aug 13, 2014 / SHanafi - Aug 21, 2014
|Common App: The serenity of Blue Lake
NEW - I have always been fascinated by the perseverance of nature, the way the great landmarks of the world seem...
Undergraduatejmilla13 - Aug 20, 2014 / — -
|'I KIND OF JUST WANT TO GO AS FAR AS POSSIBLE!' - MY REASON FOR ATTENDING
2 - I consider myself lucky when it comes to the question, "What do you want to do with your life?"...
UndergraduateIyeshaferguson - Aug 19, 2014 / jmilla13 - Aug 19, 2014
|"fly, crash, repeat" - Common App Essay - The RC Field
2 - This is definitely amazing, and i picked up on your major right away which is great. Comments: Try...
UndergraduateRyanF121 - Aug 17, 2014 / Iyeshaferguson - Aug 19, 2014
|"What, are you kidding? I'd never get in there" - Vassar supplement
2 - Great use of imagery! When reading about places and how the writer views a particular place, getting the imagery...
Undergraduaterobby04321 - Aug 17, 2014 / EF_Sheri - Aug 19, 2014
|A mix between a "central identity" story and "challenging an idea" - Common Application Essay
3 - Thanks for the advice. I definitely agree with your suggestion in terms of deleting the first paragraph, as well...
UndergraduateTh25cc - Aug 16, 2014 / Th25cc - Aug 19, 2014
|Hey Roomie! First things first- peanut butter: Stanford essay
2 - Hi! First, Thanks again for helping me with my essay... Comments: I think this is absolutely hilarious, you...
Undergraduatetdshah1 - Aug 18, 2014 / Iyeshaferguson - Aug 18, 2014
|'I gather some tips on how Hollywood stars talk, act, and present themselves' - MIT essay
2 - Well, after reviewing, I can't say that your first objective has been fulfilled, i think you should spend more...
Undergraduatetdshah1 - Aug 17, 2014 / supreeth97 - Aug 17, 2014
|"My father was a great man, I looked up to him" - Common App Essay 2015
Undergraduatesupreeth97 - Aug 17, 2014 / supreeth97 - Aug 17, 2014
|What is the best piece of advice you have ever received? Why is it important?
2 - There itThis is (remove comma) the most outstanding piece of advice I have ever received. Well,...
Undergraduate2015senior - Aug 16, 2014 / Pahan - Aug 17, 2014
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