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|I have always dreamed about studying something which is related with humans beings; applying letter
11 - I loved your letter!! It is just perfect! You are a great writer and also a great teacher. Believe...
UndergraduateAbbys - Oct 10, 2014 / Abbys - Oct 13, 2014
|"Culumbia is the place for me"
3 - Maria, I noticed that you spoke at great length about how Columbia will help you expand your horizons by...
Undergraduatemariahito - Oct 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 13, 2014
|Everyone should possess inner qualities that help others around them - fgcu essay
3 - Thankyou for helping, and the topic I put is wrong, it should be What qualities do you possess...
Undergraduatewhatevah - Oct 12, 2014 / whatevah - Oct 13, 2014
|For six generations, my family has lived in a rural black hole known as New Iberia; Texas A&M
4 - - This is the portion you need to concentrate on in your SOP. Explain how you feel that there...
Undergraduatetransfer1801 - Oct 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|my home for the next four years
NEW - Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the academic,...
Undergraduatevinnymj - Oct 12, 2014 / — -
|Northwestern Supplemental Essay Personal Statement, unique qualities of NU-Chemical Engineering
11 - Middya, of course you may combine my work with yours. That is why we are advising you :-) Go...
Undergraduatemiddya95 - Oct 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|'Don't come here again! Loser!' Identity Essay Common app
9 - Atom, do as you wish with the essay. My work here is simply to guide you towards the polishing...
UndergraduateAtom007 - Oct 11, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|A life without companionship can be synonymous with a life without purpose - story or background
2 - Sarib, I have placed my comments and recommendations below for your consideration :-) - Sarib, while your...
Undergraduatesfliger - Oct 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 12, 2014
|"I will not bow I will not break I will shut the world away" - essay for Virginia Tech
3 - Sounds great! I really like it! However it is a bit unnecessary to use "I think" in your response....
UndergraduateNickSomers - Oct 8, 2014 / dumbnerd123 - Oct 11, 2014
|Assembling the puzzle pieces - my FSU admissions essay!
3 - I agree with vangiespen. I also think that "was taught" is a bit repetitive. Good idea so far though!...
Undergraduatebiscuitsawce - Oct 11, 2014 / dumbnerd123 - Oct 11, 2014
|'childhood memories' - 530 words of uncertainty (Cal App)
UndergraduateKevinlopez0129 - Oct 11, 2014 / Kevinlopez0129 - Oct 11, 2014
|The best teacher I have ever had and my friend. I would like to express gratitude to her.
3 - Thanks...
UndergraduateLuke Cameron Jr - Oct 9, 2014 / Luke Cameron Jr - Oct 11, 2014
|Geology is a rich and diverse subject that has a great room for creative thought. UCAS statement
3 - CaptainCook, while your essay is very informative in relation to the way you developed your personal interest in Geology,...
UndergraduateCaptainCook - Oct 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 10, 2014
|Service Academy Nomination Essay: What do you envision as your ultimate role with the US military?
4 - - Katie, consider building upon this paragraph by opening the statement with a concern about the lack of proper...
Undergraduateamerica888 - Oct 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 10, 2014
|My reflection on the novel written by Leo Tolstoy; the supplemental essay for Boston College
3 - - Nicole, Rather than narrating the passage from the story, you should somehow find a way to connect it...
Undergraduatenicolezmh1997 - Oct 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 10, 2014
|Juggling between work and school - Personal Essay Statement for Cornell University
Undergraduateray12 - Oct 9, 2014 / ray12 - Oct 10, 2014
|Religion and anthropology have recently become interests for me - Personal Statement
6 - - Don't give the admissions officer a lecture. Whether he is familiar with the topic or not should...
UndergraduateIHaile - Oct 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 9, 2014
|IELTS: Trend of living individually. Why? And its effect on society.
Undergraduatezzwestmanzz - Oct 8, 2014 / zzwestmanzz - Oct 9, 2014
|GRE issue practice about whether leaders are created by demands
UndergraduateKuangKyle - Oct 8, 2014 / KuangKyle - Oct 8, 2014
|'The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time' - Transfer Essay to Texas A&M
2 - Overall, this is a very good and statement of purpose. You do a great job of explaining things that...
Undergraduateagm31 - Oct 8, 2014 / kkflowers - Oct 8, 2014
|Tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years)
2 - Hello, This short essay makes absolutely no sense. It is like you are throwing everything and the kitchen...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 8, 2014 / admission2012 - Oct 8, 2014
|What is the good life? Describe your notion.
Undergraduatejonroman1 - Oct 7, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Oct 8, 2014
|Running has given me both physical and mental strength - College Admission Essay: Facing Adversity
6 - Bookreader, I made some revisions and suggestions to help improve your paper. I hope you find them useful :-)...
Undergraduatebookreader - Oct 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 8, 2014
|"Civilization" - love for Economics - extracurricular activity essay choice
2 - Alina, I would definitely choose to expand upon your second topic which centers around "Economics". Most specially if you...
UndergraduateAlinaSkripets - Oct 8, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 8, 2014
|DIVERSITY - GEORGE MASON PROMPT (THE MASON IDEA)
Undergraduaterimazzyousiff - Oct 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 8, 2014
|Abandoned do not means useless! My parents influenced me.
2 - I think that you sholud your essay look like abstract so much. The reader have to attention for understanding...
Undergraduatebertcylau - Oct 8, 2014 / Smile_Jen - Oct 8, 2014
|Madison has always topped my list for where I would like to go for college.
UndergraduateThernis - Oct 7, 2014 / JesusLM2 - Oct 7, 2014
|I was practically born on an airplane and feel perfectly comfortable travelling on it's board
4 - You can certainly continue to develop the airplane basis of your story. If I may, I would like to...
Undergraduaterimazzyousiff - Oct 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 7, 2014
|I have aspired to attend UW Madison for years and now I finally have the chance to apply; Statement
3 - A very important part I learned when writing these prompts is to stress the fact that this is the...
Undergraduatepaigeo78 - Oct 7, 2014 / rimazzyousiff - Oct 7, 2014
|Describe when and where you were able to work towards the betterment of your community
Undergraduateabby_s - Oct 6, 2014 / abby_s - Oct 7, 2014
|Child Labor NGO community - non-academic pursuit
Undergraduatesa1na - Oct 3, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 7, 2014
|All roads lead to Rome. Share about a person who greatly influenced your life and why?
Undergraduatebertcylau - Oct 7, 2014 / bertcylau - Oct 7, 2014
|I want to be unique and special; I never wanted to be conventional like others - Application essay
6 - - Do not say "additionally amusing" amusing means you will be entertained. You are not in school to...
Undergraduatesa1na - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 7, 2014
|Short Leadership, academics and creative and performing art essays
4 - Anybody to help review this? Tell us more about one of the activities you listed above, explaining what...
Undergraduatecapslock - Oct 6, 2014 / capslock - Oct 7, 2014
|"I come from a world that has a dance floor" - UC Personal Statement Prompt 1
3 - Teddy, this is a very good example of an abstract world that you turned into a reality for the...
UndergraduateTeddyduong - Oct 7, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 7, 2014
|Personal Narrative, Background story; Undergraduate Admissions
4 - Tempestx, you should really start a new thread for that particular prompt so that we can concentrate solely on...
UndergraduateTempestx - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|Passion, determination, and my drive is what takes me forward in providing any type of service; FSU
Undergraduatejai80 - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|'one-dimensional life'; in search for new ways of defining my success - Penn State Statement
3 - Thank you :-)...
Undergraduatesupriyaramesh97 - Oct 6, 2014 / supriyaramesh97 - Oct 6, 2014
|"So are you Canadian or Chinese?" - sense of fractured self comes from this question
4 - Chris, yes, this essay will definitely work for the prompt you described. However, you will need to adjust the...
Undergraduatechrislankfields - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|an unexpected event changed the course of my life; UT admission -Describe an obstacle
Undergraduateveronica_1 - Nov 10, 2013 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|I have always wanted to be a little different from others - SOP - SCAD
4 - Xi, your essay really answers the prompt in great detail. The problem is that your answers are not in...
Undergraduatexigogondaki - Oct 2, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|I've learnt about value of education and importance of improving from one generation to the next
2 - Blueeyesw, while the story of your grandfather and father is very touching and hits the right emotional notes, it...
Undergraduateblueeyesw - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|Let your struggles become your motivation - Common App Prompt 1 Essay
4 - The introduction is very generic, many people have the same intro. Make it flow a bit better, some transitions...
Undergraduaterp22 - Oct 4, 2014 / mrmdeir - Oct 6, 2014
|'sleeping on air mattresses' - CU Boulder Personal Essay for Undergraduate Transfer
Undergraduatemelisand3 - Oct 6, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 6, 2014
|From paper origami to mechanical engineering - UPENN supplement
Undergraduateixchocolateful - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|"Politics and Sexuality" - Common Application
3 - Thanks so much for your feedback! I was a little uncertain about using "queer" in this context. It is...
Undergraduatecarnivorousgods - Oct 5, 2014 / carnivorousgods - Oct 5, 2014
|Why would I go to USJ? They have the nutrition and dietetics program that I want to be in.
2 - -Avoid using word fillers such as your first sentence. Specially in a word limited statement such as this. The...
Undergraduatelexibee17 - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|'To me, a leader is someone who takes the first step into the unknown while others wait and watch'
4 - Varad, go to the Virginia Tech website, click on Housing and Residence Life. On the left hand side, you...
Undergraduatevarad - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|Personal essay based on specific questions on the university website; Undergraduate Admission
UndergraduateJangGemini - Sep 15, 2014 / JangGemini - Oct 5, 2014
|What is the "good life"? UF Admission Essay
3 - Thank you so much. I made lots of changes and the essay sounds way better. Completely taking out the...
Undergraduatetrob2497 - Oct 5, 2014 / trob2497 - Oct 5, 2014
|Bright lights, sweaty palms and shaky knees - UC essay about bullying and racism
2 - Kimberly, While you present a very touching essay that relates to your personal experience, it is hard to reconcile...
UndergraduateKimberlim - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|What motivates you to seek admittance to a Service Academy and your career plans in the military?
Undergraduateamerica7373 - Oct 4, 2014 / america7373 - Oct 5, 2014
|Beyond rankings, location, and athletics, why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech?
8 - Hello, Any admissions officer reading this essay will immediately think what are "expected abilities?" The direction you are...
Undergraduateanniepzy - Oct 4, 2014 / admission2012 - Oct 5, 2014
|'I hope to self-design a major which would involve psychology, theatre and languages'
2 - Flora, with 831 words, you are definitely over the word count. I see a problem with your essay though....
Undergraduatefwcross - Oct 5, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|I already have come to a decision; my qualities will allow me to adapt into the UCF community
UndergraduateJordan21002 - Oct 4, 2014 / Vns9x - Oct 5, 2014
|"Let your life speak" - Tufts University supplement
UndergraduateDanah96 - Oct 4, 2014 / Danah96 - Oct 5, 2014
|The only activity that will someday really aid me in reaching my life goals is cheerleading
3 - Kassandra, you have spent too much time discussing your past as a cheerleader that you totally forgot to mention...
Undergraduatekvillafranca - Oct 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|Caltech- "What are some quirky ways in which you have fun"
5 - Martin, this is a fantastic essay! Even with the grammatical errors that I will be correcting later, I have...
Undergraduatemartin16 - Oct 4, 2014 / vangiespen - Oct 5, 2014
|Creating and erasing as countless thoughts passed through my mind - Page 87 of my autobiography; VCU
4 - I changed it to, "This space wasn't only used for personal enjoyment, but for the experience of being in...
Undergraduatejerrofyx - Oct 4, 2014 / jerrofyx - Oct 4, 2014
|There is no way of elucidating the simple truth - my home is beautiful. Entry essay for UT Austin
2 - I think that your paper is very well written. Though I don't think you have spent much time discussing...
Undergraduatemeli818 - Oct 4, 2014 / jerrofyx - Oct 4, 2014
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