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|The Importance of Diversity - Cultural Food Day (Questbridge Prompt 2)
6 - I think the essay is good overall. There are a few grammatical errors but the ending sentence- "And it's...
Undergraduatesummerlilac - Sep 21, 2014 / BlueRose99 - Sep 24, 2014
|'emulate every aspect of my mother' - UC Personal Statement: the world I come from
6 - I can't seem to find a coupon code anywhere on the internet, but I really wish this post could...
Undergraduatemsi - Sep 24, 2014 / msi - Sep 24, 2014
|ApplyTexas Essay B - Circumstance / Conflict In My Life
4 - I like that your essay is personal however I feel it's a little debbie downer in the beginning, so...
UndergraduateNightTimeRain - Sep 23, 2014 / texasbreed13 - Sep 23, 2014
|The little boy- Stanford Supplement
8 - It will help you demonstrate that you are really serious about this but you will need to tie everything...
Undergraduategodlover - Sep 21, 2014 / admission2012 - Sep 23, 2014
|Since its opening, I have always considered Snow Mountain as a place of comfort; common app essay
Undergraduateasi677 - Sep 14, 2014 / asi677 - Sep 23, 2014
|"Life's a Gas" - this song really affected me in an unsettling way
2 - One nice thing is that the vanishing you mentioned can be considered the only real salvation. Here we are...
Undergraduatelbhux13 - Sep 23, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Sep 23, 2014
|Acidity/ pH Williams Special Supplement Essay:
3 - it's an application essay (Williams Suplement) has nothing to do with IELTS. Please give some ideas to deal with...
UndergraduateRevtZ_hh - Sep 22, 2014 / RevtZ_hh - Sep 23, 2014
|Technology Addiction - University of North Carolina
2 - Dubby, you have created a very interesting essay here. It is a discussion about a theme that is very...
UndergraduateDubby - Sep 22, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 23, 2014
|The computer's world does not show its power until you start to understand it; Collage Application
4 - Sa1na, content wise, the essay is alright. So let's just work on cleaning up the grammar and sentence problems...
Undergraduatesa1na - Sep 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 22, 2014
|'being trapped within the confines of anxiety and fear' - UC Personal Statement
3 - foxysogirl, in addition to what Nicole has said, I would like to add that you can also try to...
Undergraduatefoxysoxgirl - Sep 21, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 22, 2014
|'emotion, unlike any other, struck my body like an arrow' - Villanova Essay
2 - I LOVE LOVE LOVE the beginning it completely catches my attention. "My family was in Atlanta visiting the...
Undergraduatelbhux13 - Sep 21, 2014 / Iyeshaferguson - Sep 21, 2014
|"Reflection in the Darkness": Common App Essay
Undergraduatedjgvolt - Sep 18, 2014 / godlover - Sep 21, 2014
|Born into a conservative Indian family of engineers and doctors; SCAD Statement of Purpose
4 - Since SCAD is indeed an art school, I would think taking an artsy approach to your essay would be...
Undergraduatetheroy17 - Sep 21, 2014 / lbhux13 - Sep 21, 2014
|If you created a Flash Seminar, what idea would you explore and why? (UVA)
2 - particularly the worlds that exist within our oceans My family and I were visiting the Georgia Aquarium. As...
Undergraduatelbhux13 - Sep 21, 2014 / theroy17 - Sep 21, 2014
|"Meissner effect" - My world view was mostly shaped by my school - MIT
12 - HI. Sorry for long absence; everyone who checked my essays without feedbacks - please, forgive me m(._.)m. I completely...
Undergraduateironhand - Aug 16, 2014 / ironhand - Sep 21, 2014
|'My initial interest in attending the United States Naval Academy came from living around water'
2 - My initial interest in attending the United States Naval Academy came -comes- from living -having lived around water all...
Undergraduategraycamp - Sep 21, 2014 / sa1na - Sep 21, 2014
|Many applicants to college are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to your interest?
Undergraduatesa1na - Sep 21, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Sep 21, 2014
|"Progress and Service" what does that mean to you?
3 - Hi there! Thanks for the feedback. It is one of the question by Georgia tech for freshmen applicants and...
UndergraduateCaptainCook - Sep 21, 2014 / CaptainCook - Sep 21, 2014
|'strange and uncommon story' - Should I write about my unique situations for the common app essay?
3 - absolutely! you have a great idea of what you want to tell the admission officers. just develop your points...
UndergraduateLiveLife - Sep 8, 2014 / CaptainCook - Sep 21, 2014
|Two short personal statements: one based on diversity, the other based on growth. Which is better?
Undergraduatem924 - Sep 17, 2014 / m924 - Sep 21, 2014
|The smallest infection or malignancy can be catastrophic and debilitating for a person; Career Goals
UndergraduateDonnaB2015 - Sep 18, 2014 / andy15 - Sep 21, 2014
|I WILL NOT LIE NYU - NYU SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAY
3 - Through reading your essay, I could only get some superficial reason for your love towards NYU. It's mainly because...
Undergraduatenikhil333 - Sep 13, 2014 / nicolezmh1997 - Sep 20, 2014
|With keen interest in creativity and designer arts, I am a person with varied interests and talents
2 - This part is not persuasive. Every time you include a sentence that is not persuasive, or at least...
UndergraduateTrendzy - Sep 19, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Sep 19, 2014
|'Losing him was losing not just a father but also a best friend' - UC prompt #1 Life experience
4 - As the others said, this work is very enthralling and you keep the reader hooked from the beginning. One...
UndergraduateArchlefirth - Sep 15, 2014 / djgvolt - Sep 18, 2014
|"Make a living out of something you love to do" - University of Texas at Austin Statement of Purpose
2 - I think the first few sentences of the first paragraph can be removed. They are not really helpful for...
Undergraduateperle95 - Sep 18, 2014 / EF_Kevin - Sep 18, 2014
|"I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN!"; Music never goes unnoticed.
Undergraduatepaigeo78 - Sep 16, 2014 / sara waled - Sep 17, 2014
|'the major I plan to pursue, Animal Sciences' - top 5 reasons to be a Hokie
Undergraduatemzywicki - Sep 16, 2014 / Ashlyn - Sep 16, 2014
|A Cheerleader - a snobby girl who is usually self-centered and typically not intelligent - UF
4 - I guess I am missing something here because I thought the main purpose of the essay was not to...
Undergraduatelidlmissblonde - Oct 12, 2008 / vangiespen - Sep 16, 2014
|'Finding a cure to a genetic disease such as ALD was legendary to me'; UPENN Supplement
Undergraduatemoogle123 - Sep 15, 2014 / moogle123 - Sep 16, 2014
|Tell UoPeople a little bit about your village, city, region or country and what makes it unique.
5 - This is an amazing idea as everyone will agree that a view of neighboring Singapore is best only from...
Undergraduatehor - Sep 15, 2014 / hor - Sep 16, 2014
|Rural area, left the community - UC prompt#1
2 - it was compulsive readin'. when it comes to your grammar, it is perfectly comprehensible. However, some minor grammar and...
Undergraduatephraephet_oh - Nov 26, 2008 / Luke Cameron Jr - Sep 16, 2014
|USNA Personal Statement - opportunity to study Aerospace engineering at the academy
3 - My advice, would be to separate the various subject sentences into paragraphs so that the reader will know to...
Undergraduaterickjaime52 - Sep 15, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 15, 2014
|"Family and Dialect" - UC Application Prompt One
UndergraduateExpeke - Sep 15, 2014 / Expeke - Sep 15, 2014
|"I am Chicano: Self Identify"
2 - ... compares two cultural identities of Mexicans: Mexicanos and Chicanos You don't need however here. It...
UndergraduateMannyDev - Sep 14, 2014 / xatutik - Sep 15, 2014
|My biggest obstacle to overcome was to accept my new surroundings; College admission essay
3 - Just a couple of months, after moving to America, my parents decided to put me into school in the...
Undergraduatekim16164 - Sep 14, 2014 / niesaysi - Sep 15, 2014
|not many opportunities for women to get education - college essay
4 - However, In 2000 I did not know English and Economics. Now I can speak English fluently and four...
Undergraduatemehwish khan - Nov 11, 2008 / fikri - Sep 15, 2014
|What do you plan to study at X University? What career are you pursing at this point and why?
UndergraduateAbdiu01 - Sep 15, 2014 / fikri - Sep 15, 2014
|My Community - The Classical Musicians; University of Michigan
Undergraduatesooysauce - Sep 14, 2014 / nickyzhi - Sep 15, 2014
|Meant to be Temple-Made - earlier I had only dreams that were way to big and scary for my small town
2 - Stefani, while you wrote a very engaging and informative single page essay but I have to tell you that...
Undergraduatestefanieionadi - Sep 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 14, 2014
|Maybe one day, people will not have to hide their sexuality because of their fear of standing out
Undergraduateerinapply - Sep 14, 2014 / asi677 - Sep 14, 2014
|MIT: 'Every evening I put on my running clothes and go to nearby forest to run few kilometers'
7 - When I cannot solve some problem, the solution often comes to me on a run because I'm able to...
Undergraduateironhand - Aug 25, 2014 / SeniorPeach2015 - Sep 14, 2014
|Running a mile into the UC 2015 Prompt!
UndergraduateSeniorPeach2015 - Aug 16, 2014 / SeniorPeach2015 - Sep 14, 2014
|'40 question paper' - describe an incident which led you to challenge yourself
Undergraduateksu - Aug 31, 2014 / ksu - Sep 14, 2014
|"For the Love of Physics" / "Creativity" - favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, music...
4 - Since all the correction have been made, I just want to add that if you include another piece of...
UndergraduateRevtZ_hh - Sep 14, 2014 / Consular - Sep 14, 2014
|A Jealousy - Harvard commonapp writing supplement (free topic)
5 - You made an excellent addition to the essay! There are just a few points that you need to revise....
Undergraduatemelramadhani - Sep 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 14, 2014
|'I immediately felt a desire to know more about the institution' - Why Madison?
2 - Additional work is required to further improve your essay prior to the proofreading for grammar and sentence structure issues....
Undergraduateciuffom - Sep 14, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 14, 2014
|RISD: Spending a Day With a Favorite Artist
Undergraduatekiditaly - Sep 13, 2014 / kiditaly - Sep 14, 2014
|'health and science has been my top consideration' - UIC personal essay of program choice
Undergraduatelolchobla - Sep 13, 2014 / nikhil333 - Sep 13, 2014
|'I consider myself an advocate for many things' - UW Madison Essay #1
2 - At first glance, this paper seems solid and well thought out. But there are still a few errors to...
Undergraduatebenziee - Sep 13, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 13, 2014
|I appreciate these three little words: "Vires," "Artes," and "Mores"
2 - I would be sure to note in the opening the meaning of Vires, Artes, and Mores (strength, skill,...
Undergraduatevirgo66 - Sep 8, 2008 / EF_Sheri - Sep 13, 2014
|"Do what makes you happy" - this is best piece of advice I have ever received
5 - Hi... I saw that you attempted to write well. However, I think nobody success to write a good writing...
Undergraduate2015senior - Aug 14, 2014 / SHanafi - Sep 12, 2014
|'I wish to become a Lincesed Practical Nurse' - LPN entrance essay
Undergraduatecms91 - Aug 27, 2014 / Anouar - Sep 12, 2014
|"My journey from dark to light" - an accomplishment or event
UndergraduateAnouar - Sep 8, 2014 / Anouar - Sep 12, 2014
|Superpowers. Pratt 2014 essay
2 - - Don't used cuss words in a formal essay. That shows disrespect for the admissions officer. ...
UndergraduateMckenzieHarris - Sep 12, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 12, 2014
|The Perfectly Imperfect Woman - Your most important influence(s)
3 - Thank you so much. You're advice helped majorily. The reason why it's just 2 paragraphs is because she told...
Undergraduatearosse52 - Sep 10, 2014 / arosse52 - Sep 11, 2014
|I am a paranoid and sometimes I like to see other people suffer - Personal Description Pharagraph
5 - While your concern about your grammar is good to note, I don't want you worry about how you say...
UndergraduatePrimaLestari - Sep 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 10, 2014
|Library of Congress in Washington DC - it's a place where I was inspired by design...
Undergraduatebrocknroll - Sep 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 10, 2014
|My experience with religion - College essay
2 - Religion is normally an explosive topic to discuss in any essay. However, your discussion was in no way explosive....
Undergraduatebrocknroll - Sep 10, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 10, 2014
|Human interaction is afflicted from vast burst of technological advances - unnoticed but important
3 - I also agree that your opening paragraph is clumsy. This sentence sounds kind of weird. "I believe that these...
UndergraduateTazza - Sep 10, 2014 / brocknroll - Sep 10, 2014
|"quantification" - best descriptor for my desire to attend the Naval Academy
2 - It is interesting to note that while you did write an interesting personal statement, you did not totally answer...
UndergraduatejjcUSNA - Sep 9, 2014 / vangiespen - Sep 9, 2014
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