|Undergraduate [25,738] - page 83 of 429|
|Virginia Tech- The best day of my life so far was...Pole Vaulting
2 - This is good! You've captivated the reader from the first two sentences. You might want to consider using parallelism...
Undergraduateroscon1995 - Dec 21, 2013 / aaamonicaaa - Dec 21, 2013
|I was 16 when I first started going to the gym - experience vs perspective
Undergraduatemontezuma64 - Dec 21, 2013 / aaamonicaaa - Dec 21, 2013
|U.S. AND IRAN SEEK OUT NUCLEAR DEAL. ISRAEL ENRAGED; EC Essay on MUN Crisis
3 - thank you! I revised it a little bit- not too much, because of the word restraints, but hopefully...
Undergraduateroxy481 - Dec 20, 2013 / roxy481 - Dec 21, 2013
|'The Moon?' ~ COMMON App - SOP
Undergraduatelinahcharif - Dec 19, 2013 / dumi - Dec 21, 2013
|I have always been fascinated with personalities; Transfer
2 - I have always been fascinated with personalities. Dating back to my middle school days, I would wonder as to...
Undergraduatesalivo13 - Dec 20, 2013 / leeshaaa28 - Dec 21, 2013
|I was immediately adopted by a loving,single,gay dad! - UC - the world you come from
UndergraduateSophieZ - Nov 29, 2013 / dumi - Dec 21, 2013
|Common App - Recount a Failure - "Missed Shot"
2 - A couple of photographs of people smiling hung on the wall attempt (in an attempt) to make the room...
Undergraduatejgpadgettpro - Dec 20, 2013 / roscon1995 - Dec 21, 2013
|Commonapp essay 2 - an experience in tutoring
2 - underperforming ; sounds awkward There were many student tutors who did less well than me ;very awkard He understood...
UndergraduateLiyuan - Dec 20, 2013 / roscon1995 - Dec 21, 2013
|Uchicago supplement essay - Do animals feel pain?
UndergraduateLiyuan - Dec 16, 2013 / Liyuan - Dec 20, 2013
|Minnesota essay- earth science - educational interests and goals
2 - I would encourage you to use a different writing strategy. Your essay sounds as if you narrate it from...
Undergraduate1101_rin - Dec 15, 2013 / duquevan - Dec 20, 2013
|"Management of drainage systems"; Lehigh Supp
Undergraduateprayush09 - Dec 17, 2013 / prayush09 - Dec 20, 2013
|Chess themed - Background Story/ Central to identity
3 - I think what you are trying to do here is show how through playing Chess, your father was able...
Undergraduaterichypie - Dec 20, 2013 / admission2012 - Dec 20, 2013
|Learning about courage and compassion: Princeton's supplementary essay
4 - Thanks 9muses! How about I use "Little did I know God does listen to little kids!" instead of...
Undergraduatethenewdude - Dec 20, 2013 / thenewdude - Dec 20, 2013
|SUCCESS THROUGH OPPURTUNITY; NYU Supplement for Admission
Undergraduatethartistoo - Dec 19, 2013 / thartistoo - Dec 20, 2013
|Hydrophobia; College of William and Mary ; optional opportunity
5 - I like your essay. However, I feel like you should organize your sentence structure in your last few concluding...
Undergraduatesudhansu007 - Dec 19, 2013 / ranin - Dec 20, 2013
|'meaningful activities' Princeton - How I Spent My Last Two Summers
4 - While you have a great essay, I really don't think you should start with this sentence, it seems cliche...
Undergraduatechandescartes - Dec 19, 2013 / olamide16 - Dec 20, 2013
|'my foremost passion' - Stanford's Intellectual Vitality, "What is math?"
6 - maybe you dont focus too much on that proof but also talk about how it intrested you that you...
Undergraduatechandescartes - Dec 19, 2013 / bolu - Dec 20, 2013
|"And the Winner is..." Common App Essay- Option #2, Failure
Undergraduateanobel82 - Nov 21, 2013 / dumi - Dec 20, 2013
|I dream of playing soccer; Vanderbilt - extracurricular activities or work experiences
Undergraduatesudhansu007 - Dec 19, 2013 / bolu - Dec 20, 2013
|Following my childhood dream; FIT/ Fashion merchandising management.
Undergraduatefit13 - Dec 10, 2013 / dumi - Dec 20, 2013
|My passion for Public Speech; CENTRAL TO IDENTITY
4 - Well .... I have a concern as to whether you answered this prompt properly. I find this is not...
UndergraduateJared961286 - Dec 18, 2013 / dumi - Dec 20, 2013
|Why is BU a good fit? community with a rich mix of individuals
Undergraduateyyc1 - Dec 11, 2013 / dumi - Dec 20, 2013
|I lost my school ID card; University of Virginia
Undergraduately2533800 - Dec 19, 2013 / dumi - Dec 20, 2013
|Chemistry -My first encounter with Carnegie Mellon was when I first learnt to build robots
3 - Thanks a million.Can you point out some grammatical errors of mine? you advice will be greatly appreciated. I will...
Undergraduateesmusssein94 - Dec 19, 2013 / esmusssein94 - Dec 20, 2013
|Simplicity. Columbia Supp, Past experiences that attract you to a field of study
4 - I really like it! It is a unique way to express an interest in writing. However, something I would...
UndergraduateSuperjaniter - Dec 15, 2013 / eliana375 - Dec 20, 2013
|I was obsessed with the Little Mermaid's Ariel ; Why Wellesley? - THE CAMPUS
2 - A few errors: but I believe Wellesley avoids this by knowing all- omit this-ensuring all its students arrive...
Undergraduatealifromboston - Dec 19, 2013 / varroyo79 - Dec 19, 2013
|A nurse in the Air Force; Boston Sup- live their lives in the service of others
2 - I really like this essay and the direction you chose to take. However, I would maybe spend a little...
Undergraduateiwanttogotocoll - Dec 15, 2013 / stemerson - Dec 19, 2013
|'Felt accustomed to this town' - COMMON APP ESSAY
2 - When I read your essay it really gives me the feeling that you are lying. I immediately think that...
Undergraduatemofosho99 - Dec 19, 2013 / th3pitch3r - Dec 19, 2013
|I need to accomplish my dream; Georgetown - relate your interest in studying at GU
Undergraduatejiperilla - Dec 19, 2013 / jiperilla - Dec 19, 2013
|I'm most proud of my sensitivity - MIT essay - attribute of personality
5 - Great Essay! It really answers the prompt well. One thing that bothers me a bit is the last sentence......
Undergraduatedorbaruch - Dec 18, 2013 / chandescartes - Dec 19, 2013
|What happened in the men's bathroom - Central to identity
9 - Thank you all for your helpful advice. I think I will work a little bit more on the conclusion...
Undergraduateapplejuice - Dec 16, 2013 / applejuice - Dec 19, 2013
|ECONOMICS - Brown Supp; Why are you drawn to the area(s) of study ?
3 - Ohhh we need the spaces afer the punctuation marks??? Because I didn't know... I have too much words if...
Undergraduaterenataba - Dec 19, 2013 / renataba - Dec 19, 2013
|TWILIGHT; Became confident more than ever
3 - What is the prompt ? You should include that with your essay for others to understand your writing better...
UndergraduateMirana_Alam - Dec 9, 2013 / dumi - Dec 19, 2013
|Drinking and Driving @ a B'day party ; COMMON APP
7 - I think it does and I can relate considering that I only recently got my driver's permit at 22....
Undergraduatecms3z - Dec 2, 2007 / Prinz18 - Dec 19, 2013
|I spend a majority of my time in Room 24, the home of Titan Shield; USC- Extracurricular
2 - On my friends' recommendation, I joined Titan Shield during my sophomore year and soon it became my second...
Undergraduateck1121 - Dec 16, 2013 / dumi - Dec 19, 2013
|Why University of Chicago? One of the BEST!
Undergraduatecommonapper - Dec 19, 2013 / — -
|"You shouldn't let your fear take over your pleasure"; Urbana Champaign
2 - You overcame your fear of the ocean. It does go with the topic. But I feel you could elaborate...
Undergraduatecoolgirl3456 - Dec 16, 2013 / AminoPasta - Dec 18, 2013
|I'm going to honest with you; Personal Statement for NCSU
2 - There are so many examples of good personal statements available on this website. I cannot think of any program...
Undergraduatehifromcharle - Dec 18, 2013 / admission2012 - Dec 18, 2013
|Williams supplement- looking through a window at the Swiss Alps
Undergraduatestarkeko - Dec 11, 2013 / trulls77 - Dec 18, 2013
|I am no stranger to getting punched in the face; Martial Arts -Childhood to Adulthood
4 - Thanks so much. I expanded a little more on the transition theme, and I deleted most of the third...
Undergraduatetrulls77 - Dec 10, 2013 / trulls77 - Dec 18, 2013
|Common App essay- our farewell ceremony
2 - This essay has potential but it reads very cluttered and unstructured. Try to keep these essays clean, clear and...
UndergraduatePhoenix21 - Dec 18, 2013 / admission2012 - Dec 18, 2013
|"Christmas present" ; University of Wisconsin Madison -- Unnoticed
3 - thank you for replying sanzhar! do you think you could elaborate a little bit? I think i know what...
Undergraduatewafish - Dec 17, 2013 / wafish - Dec 18, 2013
|Reading - Busy life/Activity for Pleasure Essay - MIT
Undergraduatekaranbhullar - Dec 14, 2013 / karanbhullar - Dec 18, 2013
|They suffer Malnutrition and traumatisation; Vanderbilt Sup- Extracurricular
Undergraduatedeenaraef18 - Dec 18, 2013 / deenaraef18 - Dec 18, 2013
|Why Lafayette?/ Difference between being busy and being engaged
2 - [i][i]Since I was very young, I have always wondered how the worlds go around. Why do I lean forward...
Undergraduatewhatevergoogle - Dec 18, 2013 / sanzhar - Dec 18, 2013
|More unpredictability means more possibility. Stanford supp: What matters to you and why?
Undergraduatewsywsy108108 - Dec 17, 2013 / bolu - Dec 18, 2013
|Intellectual Vitality- Stanford supplement " Wisdom from an unexpected source"
3 - Thanks :) I reread this essay the next day and I didn't think it worked either. working on another...
UndergraduatePhoenix21 - Dec 16, 2013 / Phoenix21 - Dec 18, 2013
|Personal Issue of Importance Essay -Harry Potter themed!
Undergraduateupsidedownn - Dec 17, 2013 / Jared961286 - Dec 18, 2013
|Student Diversity and Cultural Fusion;WHY NYU? / Academic intersts
UndergraduateJared961286 - Dec 18, 2013 / Jared961286 - Dec 18, 2013
|Ohe Efe Bo; UW-Milwaukee Admission Essay; Life experience/ talent/commitment/ interest
UndergraduateNogaFaithh - Dec 17, 2013 / dumi - Dec 18, 2013
|UWS Research - Research about a Nonviolent Movement
Undergraduateslylinda - Nov 30, 2013 / ali ahsan123 - Dec 18, 2013
|passionate about exploring -Rice Univ., why do you choose that particular school of study?
UndergraduateFYPSirius - Dec 17, 2013 / FYPSirius - Dec 18, 2013
|I CALL IT A REVELATION; common application essay
UndergraduateSHE83 - Dec 16, 2013 / dumi - Dec 18, 2013
|Cornell ILR Supplement- The Power of Organization
UndergraduateJimschen - Dec 14, 2013 / admission2012 - Dec 17, 2013
|I love to learn about Sola system & Universe; Urbana champaign essay - interest in major
Undergraduatekaranbhullar - Dec 15, 2013 / dumi - Dec 17, 2013
|Volunteering/ Exam time; UBC- Experience/ Significant Challenge
2 - Hello David, I hope this helps... Although I am in no condition to correct your grammar(I am international)...
UndergraduateDavidL - Dec 9, 2013 / duquevan - Dec 16, 2013
|experience important to my intellectual development
UndergraduateRo4 - Dec 13, 2013 / Pahan - Dec 16, 2013
|Musical Theater student ; Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse?
Undergraduategcarrubba - Dec 9, 2013 / gcarrubba - Dec 16, 2013
|I always saw them asking for help; Princeton- "Princeton in the Nation's Service"
Undergraduateawoniyi641 - Dec 14, 2013 / SHE83 - Dec 16, 2013
|Think independently!; University of Chicago - learning, community, and future
2 - I think that you should add creativity to your essay , just make it easy and interesting to read....
Undergraduatemsbluealien - Dec 14, 2013 / sanzhar - Dec 16, 2013
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