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|Technology Clinic and passion - Why Lafayette? My attempt to be a little different.
11 - Ryxion, thank you for your comments. Since many feel this way, I think I'll try to do some major...
Undergraduatethenewdude - Dec 26, 2013 / thenewdude - Dec 27, 2013
|Brown/USC Undergraduate Essays by a Chinese speaking Indian in Singapore
3 - Side note----It is funny that I wrote on one of your previous post, that the story that you told...
Undergraduateakshay1996 - Dec 22, 2013 / admission2012 - Dec 27, 2013
|I was 10, when I met me, curious me. Career goals - Summer Research internship essay
2 - it was good...
Undergraduateolamide16 - Dec 26, 2013 / Farinaz - Dec 27, 2013
|"KEEP WORKING" - Central to identity
4 - qian1951 Excellent. It reveals a lot about your character & work ethic, while also exploring your academic interests (science/lab...
Undergraduateqian1951 - Dec 26, 2013 / cjhanna82 - Dec 27, 2013
|Computers have always played a large part in my life; NYU Supplement
Undergraduatebouzou4 - Dec 27, 2013 / bouzou4 - Dec 27, 2013
|WHY DUKE SUPP- Pratt School of Engineering- puzzles
Undergraduatehelloimyellow - Dec 26, 2013 / qian1951 - Dec 27, 2013
|Having tough Parents ; UCF
Undergraduateketura - Dec 24, 2013 / ketura - Dec 27, 2013
|My grandparent's house; Place where I am perfectly content; Princeton
4 - Wow you look good for both the common app and princeton. Maybe try to be a little less verbose/use...
Undergraduatechaitanyababu - Dec 26, 2013 / akshay1996 - Dec 27, 2013
|Click. Clack. Click. Common app essay (worried about weak ending)
Undergraduate1365violin - Dec 26, 2013 / 1365violin - Dec 27, 2013
|"Get Out Of The Building" - Background/ Central to Identity
UndergraduateBaKhai - Dec 27, 2013 / BaKhai - Dec 27, 2013
|I want to play the the role of "bread"; CENTRAL TO IDENTITY
5 - Thank you for your advice! I really appreciate the guidelines :) I'll make sure to reread my essay and...
Undergraduateonyouclee - Dec 27, 2013 / onyouclee - Dec 27, 2013
|'My friends have a running joke' Common App- Perfectly content essay.
4 - I agree with iPreo in the point that it does not answer the question appropriately, you articulated your thoughts...
Undergraduatereluctantmuggle - Dec 26, 2013 / chaitanyababu - Dec 27, 2013
|Life gives me chances, but I make my own choices; Davidson College- Why Davidson?
4 - I would suggest ending the essay with how well you will fit into the college and can't wait to...
Undergraduatekhanhluong - Dec 25, 2013 / Kondite - Dec 27, 2013
|Why Penn? I can pursue my dream of integrating science and international relations!
6 - ... I think this is really not necessary because your next line describes it all. Being with children...
Undergraduate1365violin - Dec 14, 2013 / dumi - Dec 27, 2013
|IMMIGRANTS; DISCUSS ISSUES - Local, national, international (MACAULAY HONORS COLLEGE)
3 - As recommended by my school volunteer adviser I was dismayed by this sad reality that immigrant...
UndergraduateHORACE - Dec 2, 2013 / dumi - Dec 27, 2013
|Girls shouldn't play soccer! - Incident or time when you experienced failure
Undergraduatemaryylaand - Dec 27, 2013 / toonistic - Dec 27, 2013
|Design POSTERS; MIT - PLEASURE Activity
UndergraduateTarabas12 - Dec 26, 2013 / dumi - Dec 26, 2013
|Iraq - Common App Personal Essay - Reflect on a time you challenge a belief or idea...
2 - Extremely well written essay, good topic. I'd say you're already there, but no reason to stop polishing right?...
Undergraduatecjhanna82 - Dec 26, 2013 / toonistic - Dec 26, 2013
|Four days - Mom and Dad at a time - Barnard College Supplement
5 - I really liked your essay, and don't see anything wrong with it. That's funny, I'm applying to Barnard, too,...
UndergraduateAnnieKim611 - Dec 25, 2013 / hypnotiz - Dec 26, 2013
|Depression is a curious disease; McIntire essay - Overcoming depression
3 - I agree with the previous comment about academics. I honestly do not see where you failed with academics because...
UndergraduateAmberCommerce - Dec 26, 2013 / mlozano11 - Dec 26, 2013
|POLISH. TUFTS SHORT ESSAYS... COMMENTS - GRAMMAR/CONTENT?
2 - Ummm I really like your first one... I think it's catchy and genuine, and not quite cliche. As...
Undergraduatecjhanna82 - Dec 26, 2013 / iloveyogurt - Dec 26, 2013
|Ali Forney Center for LGBT youth; SERVICE ESSAY PRINCETON
3 - The phrase is actually "reclaim your life" so that isn't wrong... What is confusing about the "importance of affinity...
Undergraduatehazelhoff - Dec 25, 2013 / hazelhoff - Dec 26, 2013
|Science Olympiad / Teaching position in China - EXTRACURRICULAR ESSAY--Which one?
Undergraduatehelloimyellow - Dec 25, 2013 / helloimyellow - Dec 26, 2013
|Archeaology of quotes - STANFORD SUPPLEMENT - What matters to you
Undergraduatehelloimyellow - Dec 24, 2013 / helloimyellow - Dec 26, 2013
|Love at first sight; Why Hamilton college?
6 - I would take a harder look at Hamilton. Go to collegeguide org and google in regard to heroin, men,...
UndergraduateNabgyamfi - Dec 25, 2013 / pstreitz - Dec 26, 2013
|Common App Essay - "I am a fighter" - Identity background or story
4 - I really struggled to find anything wrong with your essay, but I couldn't. It's engaging, genuine, and it really...
Undergraduateiloveyogurt - Dec 26, 2013 / SilverKnight - Dec 26, 2013
|Passion is my favorite word. UVA Admission Essay
2 - I think towards the end you describe your uncle too much, without much about yourself. To make this better,...
Undergraduatesangyashrestha - Dec 26, 2013 / WizFan2 - Dec 26, 2013
|Shopping with my mother and Intellectual Vitality
7 - Okay, the second one is lacking the "spark" that is supposed to be a central feature of an intellectual...
Undergraduatemlozano11 - Dec 22, 2013 / SilverKnight - Dec 26, 2013
|The Cranbrook Community - A Place where i feel completely Content
3 - To tighten up the ending... The community possesses remarkable meaning to me as an individual; It has equipped...
Undergraduaterbuttar14 - Dec 23, 2013 / cjhanna82 - Dec 26, 2013
|Why Johns Hopkins - "The Profile of a Hopkin's Student"
Undergraduateiloveyogurt - Dec 26, 2013 / olamide16 - Dec 26, 2013
|My love of puns: Middlebury optional supplement
Undergraduatethenewdude - Dec 24, 2013 / thenewdude - Dec 26, 2013
|Brown short answer essays. Where have you lived Why are you drawn to the academic subjects
UndergraduateiPreo - Dec 25, 2013 / AnnieKim611 - Dec 26, 2013
|"Optional" Why Duke? Short Answer: Undergraduate Economics
9 - I don't know; I thought about that, but I honestly think if it flows and sounds natural, then it...
UndergraduateSilverKnight - Dec 25, 2013 / SilverKnight - Dec 26, 2013
|Aspirations Vs Stereotyped Beliefs; Amherst
8 - Again, you are only focusing on one thing here ------the initial stereotype and your thoughts about it----However, the question...
Undergraduate1365violin - Dec 14, 2013 / admission2012 - Dec 26, 2013
|My Church --- Dartmouth Supplement Essay (Help me and I'll help you)
UndergraduateOryx97 - Dec 25, 2013 / iloveyogurt - Dec 26, 2013
|What differentiates us is... You are you and your thoughts; State of awareness - Uchicago
Undergraduateefaki - Dec 24, 2013 / efaki - Dec 26, 2013
|Broadening Our Perspectives: An Exploration of Our Incredible Planet - Emory Supplement
3 - You do show a passion for geographical studies and have a well organized paper. Also, there doesn't seem to...
Undergraduaterbuttar14 - Dec 24, 2013 / SilverKnight - Dec 26, 2013
|I solved the algorithm; UIUC Computer Science- Interest in Major
Undergraduateakhilles97 - Dec 24, 2013 / akhilles97 - Dec 26, 2013
|'I had failed the math section' Experiencing a failure. How did it affect you? CommonApp
2 - Hello, There are tons of grammatical errors in this essay(principle vs principal....), but others will help you with...
Undergraduatenanosuit - Dec 26, 2013 / admission2012 - Dec 26, 2013
|The Cold War - STANFORD SUPPLEMENT: Intellectual Vitality
2 - Once again, this is not intellectual vitality. Please take a look at my past posts on this topic. What...
Undergraduateadatiger96 - Dec 26, 2013 / admission2012 - Dec 26, 2013
|Before I became a bodybuilder, I was an obese teenager; A Bodybuilders tale
Undergraduatemontezuma64 - Dec 23, 2013 / dumi - Dec 26, 2013
|Language problem and Economic adversity; Princeton short essay : summer activity
3 - Here I find the problem that your ideas are scattered and fail to flow smoothly. First pick one...
Undergraduatedcmario123 - Dec 24, 2013 / dumi - Dec 25, 2013
|My mother is an OPD nurse; UVA School of Nursing Essay - EXPERIENCE
3 - "Attending the hospital"? It does not deliver any proper meaning? I think this line needs to be rephrased....
Undergraduatesangyashrestha - Dec 24, 2013 / dumi - Dec 25, 2013
|I always needed something to be obsessed with; Columbia Supp: Field of Interest
UndergraduateCarnivalOfRust - Dec 25, 2013 / dumi - Dec 25, 2013
|My School; Brown Community - Pick any community and tell us why it's important!
Undergraduatebg32 - Dec 25, 2013 / bg32 - Dec 25, 2013
|A Rare Gift - the ability to push forward regardless of the challenge.
Undergraduatedanimalfries - Dec 25, 2013 / dumi - Dec 25, 2013
|Swarthmore: what you will bring - my writer self
Undergraduateiloveyogurt - Dec 25, 2013 / admission2012 - Dec 25, 2013
|BURNING HOME; Williams College - Reflect on the scene
2 - Your house burning down doesn't really show how you've matured and discovered who you are. Elaborate on how your...
UndergraduateAlbertMartinez - Dec 25, 2013 / Kondite - Dec 25, 2013
|Tennis - Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.
UndergraduateJax13 - Dec 25, 2013 / Jax13 - Dec 25, 2013
|The little girl who influenced me; Princeton essay
7 - [[[Unconsciously, the summer after encountering her with hostility in India, I became an avid volunteer.]]] changed my career path...
Undergraduatettejo - Dec 21, 2013 / AnnieKim611 - Dec 25, 2013
|Eco-Protectors; Vanderbilt supp - Extra curricular activities.
7 - Although they want you to describe, I think you sort of have to provide more of your own perspective...
Undergraduatethenewdude - Dec 20, 2013 / akshay1996 - Dec 25, 2013
|AMHERST COLLEGE - Supplement "Stereotype"
UndergraduateOMGreeny - Dec 25, 2013 / OMGreeny - Dec 25, 2013
|"You are an idiot"- Background Story/ Central to Identity
UndergraduateRiyasat - Dec 25, 2013 / Riyasat - Dec 25, 2013
|Letter to the Ministry of Education; Dartmouth:Extracurricular activities/Work experience
4 - Thank you for your advice, admission2012. What about this one? I just wanted to tell that my writing was...
Undergraduatealiefmoulana - Dec 24, 2013 / aliefmoulana - Dec 25, 2013
|A Greenhorn Breeder - NUS admission essay
Undergraduatef_auryn - Dec 24, 2013 / Riyasat - Dec 25, 2013
|The last 4 months have been an important journey for me; Readmission Essay
UndergraduateLadyRoss - Dec 21, 2013 / linmark - Dec 25, 2013
|Humanitarian Club - Boston University's reason for applying
2 - I think you do bring out your interest forcefully. Don't worry about that. About the word limit thing, here...
Undergraduatedeeisawesome - Dec 24, 2013 / thenewdude - Dec 25, 2013
|Rice University - Extracurricular essay - Tennis Shows My Personality
3 - Thank you LiangWu! :) Your suggestion was really helpful. I tried to emphasize the process of changing a bit...
Undergraduatewinginger - Dec 24, 2013 / winginger - Dec 24, 2013
|I want to build, design and innovate the world of tomorrow; U Toronto(Engineering)
NEW - I would really appreciate it if some could read it over and tell me what they think about the...
UndergraduateSewar - Dec 24, 2013 / — -
|"Let's not do anything today"; Northwestern Qualities Economics
Undergraduatebriankimbk - Dec 23, 2013 / briankimbk - Dec 24, 2013
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