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|'my biggest dream to live a life abroad' My family and my journey- UC; World you come from
Undergraduateriosons - Nov 28, 2013 / yennhihoang - Nov 28, 2013
|I used to swim every day in my hometown; USC - extracurricular activities
2 - I don't think you have to say "used to swim" everyday because you say "prior to moving to the...
Undergraduatealicia373 - Nov 28, 2013 / yennhihoang - Nov 28, 2013
|GAMING & ECONOMICS / USC - Describe your academic interests
3 - I don't like when you say "therefore" blah blah blah. It seems too formal. Maybe talk about what makes...
UndergraduateVeradun - Nov 16, 2013 / yennhihoang - Nov 28, 2013
|LEADERSHIP; Claremont Mckenna Athenaeum Essay - Dale Carnegie
3 - I've personally read How to Win Friends and Influence People and I think it's great, but I think this...
UndergraduateVegveg - Nov 24, 2013 / jackieelynnn - Nov 28, 2013
|UC 1&2 The Protagonist/The Medium; Describe the world you come from
3 - Thanks for the feedback! I go to Westlake High School in California. Our school's name is too generic. I'm...
Undergraduatesuburbancliche - Nov 27, 2013 / suburbancliche - Nov 28, 2013
|I cannot help but see a bright impact;Why Upenn?What College of Arts&Science have for you
2 - I like this essay, its answers that question and more important you explain what you would get from the...
UndergraduateRo4 - Nov 28, 2013 / amarao96 - Nov 28, 2013
|One day I was juggling a tennis ball
2 - I was curious about how mathematical formulae worked so I started researching about them.When iI couldn't figure out a...
Undergraduatenanosuit - Nov 28, 2013 / iluvchocalate13 - Nov 28, 2013
|I didn't know how to cook ; EXPERIENCE THAT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU
UndergraduateGanchh - Nov 28, 2013 / Virgo - Nov 28, 2013
|THE BIRTH OF CIVILIZATION AND THE BODY AS ITS METAPHOR -- MYTHOLOGY (Herakles, Isis, etc.)
Undergraduateiamnicholas1 - Nov 14, 2013 / khodekhodam - Nov 28, 2013
|My family and inspiration - UC FRESHMAN ADMISSIONS WRITING PROMPT 1
Undergraduatethedanieljk - Nov 27, 2013 / thedanieljk - Nov 28, 2013
|"Attention! Don't move! Eyes to the front!" ; My significant leadership role
Undergraduateivylaw - Nov 28, 2013 / Futurepilotkid - Nov 28, 2013
|Rutgers Essay - Living in New Jersey, Indian descent, Hindu, Boy Scout
Undergraduatedesaik111 - Nov 26, 2013 / skriptkid - Nov 28, 2013
|Rutgers U is a place that can help me to excel- Vibrant community
2 - Hey! There are a few grammatical errors and it would be better you corrected those. where everyone...
Undergraduaterenee1 - Nov 25, 2013 / skriptkid - Nov 28, 2013
|Frustrations with an internship. UC prompt #2 Describe an experience.
4 - Thank you Virgo for the comments, I've learned something here too. Am so busy with my job that sometimes...
Undergraduatedzup36 - Nov 27, 2013 / Jeremy Newcastl - Nov 28, 2013
|EDUCATION IS IMPORTANT TO ME - Stanford essay:what matters to me and why
UndergraduateRo4 - Nov 28, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 28, 2013
|My community, my teachers, and my school ; Describe the world you come from.
2 - This extremely diverse community, especially in terms of cast and creed of people, had taught me the importance...
Undergraduatearunesh1234 - Nov 28, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 28, 2013
|Watercolor Painting - "Demonstrate Your Character" - UW Essay
4 - Great conclusion! I'm not sure it's required to have examples, but I think you should go for it. Explain...
Undergraduatecollegecori - Nov 27, 2013 / selmasanchez - Nov 28, 2013
|"Kaleidoscopic books" UC prompt #1: your world, dreams and aspirations.
UndergraduateSeirios - Nov 27, 2013 / Ro4 - Nov 28, 2013
|I went to an informational session on the eng; Virginia Tech/5 reasons to be a Hokie
Undergraduateparkertech - Nov 26, 2013 / Ro4 - Nov 28, 2013
|"What it Takes to be a Pioneer" -- UC Transfer Essay
3 - It is pretty good! I would just try to make more paragraphs. you have to develop one paragraph for...
Undergraduatelynsiecheri - Nov 26, 2013 / rinori89 - Nov 28, 2013
|"What does being a Diplomat mean to you?" - Franklin & Marshall supplement
2 - good essay. I didn't fine any grammatical errors. I also like the way you've shown that you actually have...
Undergraduateduongnonsense - Nov 25, 2013 / Ro4 - Nov 28, 2013
|My grandfather, Fred Murko - transition from childhood to adulthood - event.
Undergraduatehcall5 - Nov 26, 2013 / Virgo - Nov 28, 2013
|UC Prompt 1: "Living Online"; world you come from
4 - Yeah, internet is a risky topic. In the beginning of your essay, I sensed that you were one of...
Undergraduaterianhawaiian - Nov 28, 2013 / Kondite - Nov 28, 2013
|Me and my father; His hardened bark was slowly peeling off.
Undergraduateasomegirl - Nov 27, 2013 / asomegirl - Nov 28, 2013
|Significant Challenge, and your response to it; 'dream of becoming a pianist'
2 - I like your first sentence, very clear in letting the reader know your aspirations. Even if its not part...
Undergraduateivylaw - Nov 28, 2013 / Xenocidel - Nov 28, 2013
|Uniquely Latina; EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES
2 - It is better you include the prompt with the essay. Then we can align our comments more with what...
Undergraduatekarejenn - Nov 27, 2013 / dumi - Nov 28, 2013
|'the National Blue Ribbon' - UC/personal essay
9 - The essay was a solid effort and flows well.Good job! Just focus on the grammatical errors that the...
UndergraduateKalikratia - Nov 24, 2013 / haayounglee - Nov 27, 2013
|Cross Country mistake! fun (My personal experince)
3 - Thanks for the lovely response.And Sir,the e was eaten to make the essay more thrilling....Stay tuned for more trilling...
UndergraduateRavi Vj - Nov 24, 2013 / Ravi Vj - Nov 27, 2013
|'My business to change my community' - personal statement
3 - Thank you so much for your feedback & thank you for reading it. I'll make the changes to make...
UndergraduateXLiaX - Nov 27, 2013 / XLiaX - Nov 27, 2013
|'The architecture of designing structures' - Personal Statement Topic B Texas at Austin
7 - Wow, that is an amazing essay. I enjoyed your word choice, it really kept me in your story. I...
Undergraduateselmasanchez - Nov 27, 2013 / XLiaX - Nov 27, 2013
|My parents are Mexican immigrants; UC-world you come from
3 - Thank you. I hadn't noticed that contradiction. I appreciate it. Overall, do you think its a good essay?...
Undergraduatejonny553 - Nov 26, 2013 / jonny553 - Nov 27, 2013
|'being busy and being engaged' - Why Lafayette
UndergraduateFredo - Nov 27, 2013 / selmasanchez - Nov 27, 2013
|Maverick / Swimming / Vendetta / family / Global citizen - George Washington - supplement
3 - All the questions do not have a word limit other than the long essay. Thank you for the input,...
Undergraduatemg_920 - Nov 27, 2013 / mg_920 - Nov 27, 2013
|"Things will get better" - Support- BYU Admissions Essay
Undergraduateabjohnson117 - Nov 27, 2013 / abjohnson117 - Nov 27, 2013
|'Returning the iPod' - incident or time when you experienced failure. -- Common App Essay
2 - Not only is there a substantial amount of money to be made by repairing iDevices, but you also happen...
UndergraduateDGPantherX - Nov 25, 2013 / abjohnson117 - Nov 27, 2013
|"A dream too far"-UC Application prompt#1 Essay on my life and surroundings
5 - i usually don't like to tell people to loose a whole paragraph, but i think you could loose the...
Undergraduatenanosuit - Nov 27, 2013 / 14janicel - Nov 27, 2013
|TRAVEL TO THINK AS AN INTELLECT AND ADVENTURE AS AN EXPLORER - World you come from
4 - i understand its hard to imagine traveling as a world, but traveling has truly become my world and i...
Undergraduate14janicel - Nov 24, 2013 / 14janicel - Nov 27, 2013
|"Medical Supplies" - UC Application Essay #1 - Essay about the world I come from & dreams
4 - Thanks a lot guys. Positive reinforcement really does encourage me; the addition of your criticisms and suggested fixes is...
UndergraduateVirgo - Nov 27, 2013 / Virgo - Nov 27, 2013
|'I left the gang' - UW Seattle Personal Statement Prompt
Undergraduateglobalacre - Nov 26, 2013 / globalacre - Nov 27, 2013
|UC PROMPT # 2 How the homelessness in Los Angeles has inspired me to study Sociology
Undergraduatedicarlosonia - Nov 26, 2013 / dicarlosonia - Nov 27, 2013
|MOST MEMORABLE SUMMER; SEWANEE- contact with Sewanee?
8 - I'm not certain what you want to say with the last sentence, but otherwise I think it's a good...
Undergraduatesmashcommonapp - Nov 6, 2013 / aminowrimo - Nov 27, 2013
|A Pi Half Turn (UC prompt 2) 'Fastened tight to the backseat'
4 - Thats not a word.Replace that with insistence Its pretty big.Approximately 765 words.Which leaves prompt 2 with a...
Undergraduateusa2014 - Nov 25, 2013 / nanosuit - Nov 27, 2013
|The piano accompaniment began and I started to sing; UC - TALENT (Personal Statement)
3 - Thank you!...
Undergraduatejackiemarie96 - Nov 27, 2013 / jackiemarie96 - Nov 27, 2013
|Traditional loving and supportive upper-middle class family; UC -world you come from
3 - Well, I think the following caption I took from a website would be helpful for you to check whether...
UndergraduateSharmasaagar - Nov 13, 2013 / dumi - Nov 27, 2013
|'A country with economical discrepancy' - UC PERSONAL STATEMENT 1
Undergraduatecellaagung - Nov 25, 2013 / dumi - Nov 27, 2013
|Growing up with eczema has restricted me; UC 2
Undergraduate14janicel - Nov 25, 2013 / dzup36 - Nov 27, 2013
|We are always changing; UC Prompt 1: Never give up.
4 - you mention "challenges" in your second paragraph. you could strengthen your essay by providing concrete examples of hardships. did...
UndergraduateQueenRandom96 - Nov 26, 2013 / 14janicel - Nov 27, 2013
|Fatal Melancholy of Winter: Common App Essay
Undergraduatekimdaun - Nov 26, 2013 / kimdaun - Nov 27, 2013
|'Abundance / Scarcity' - UC Application Essay #1: "Two Worlds"
6 - Also, concerning my writing. I rarely make REAL grammatical errors and my evidence is an endless amount of compliments...
UndergraduateSilverKnight - Nov 26, 2013 / SilverKnight - Nov 26, 2013
|international development - UC Prompt#1 Intended major?
Undergraduatesonng - Nov 26, 2013 / sonng - Nov 26, 2013
|'Pushing me to attend college' - University of Rochester supplement
Undergraduatesunni - Nov 25, 2013 / sunni - Nov 26, 2013
|Taiwan had been a dream come true; accomplishment or event, formal or informal
5 - I love your story but I have highlighted some areas to improve. The words highlighted in red are those...
Undergraduatehaayounglee - Nov 25, 2013 / Kondite - Nov 26, 2013
|The Former Hacker, Information Control; Stanford - "What Matters and Why?"
6 - Overall, I still think it's a good essay and very well-written. Now you just need to revise it...
Undergraduatedeviantzen - Nov 24, 2013 / gansotonto - Nov 26, 2013
|adventures in anxiety and depression + world of imagination - UC Prompts #1 & #2
3 - Thanks! I revised the second essay and completely redid the first essay. My biggest worry is coming off as...
Undergraduatethelanternmatch - Nov 25, 2013 / thelanternmatch - Nov 26, 2013
|'Businessman and bank clerk' - ESL student transfer essay
Undergraduatepiggy911227 - Nov 24, 2013 / lynsiecheri - Nov 26, 2013
|Everybody is different and unique in their own way; RUTGERS U - Community
2 - These are all known facts and the admission panel would not be interested in knowing them. Let's have...
Undergraduateheygirlll - Nov 25, 2013 / dumi - Nov 26, 2013
|LEARN AND GROW AS AN ARTIST; School of Visual Arts- Statement of Intent
Undergraduateautumnaquarius - Nov 22, 2013 / SilverKnight - Nov 26, 2013
|Overcoming Depression and ED; CENTRAL TO IDENTITY
Undergraduatexoamanda831 - Nov 17, 2013 / xoamanda831 - Nov 26, 2013
|I remember seeing the Nutcracker for the first time; COMMON APP
Undergraduatehpark - Nov 1, 2013 / dumi - Nov 26, 2013
|Singapore Schlorship applicant essay -My Dream
UndergraduatePrangprao - Nov 26, 2013 / — -
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